HOW OLD IS TOO OLD? IS AGE DIFFERANCE A PROBLEM : QUESTIONS FOR MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY :

How old is too old?  Older men seem to be very interested in me.  I'm 21. I go out with men who are in their late thirties to late forties basically. Some have been divorced. Some never married.

Roxanne

Minneapolis

ANSWER FOR MISSY:

Roxanne, when we fall in love, we fall in love.  I think when we do, we overlook the practical, such as that, if we are with a person who is a generation or so ahead of us, they may be in a different time of life than we are, or will be.  Think of this. Retirement! A man who is 37 to your 21 is basically going to retire about sixteen years before you!

I think one should consider as a candidate for a relationship those who are seven years younger to those who are seven years older.  At 21 this isn't practical.  It wouldn't even be legal or right for you to date a 14 year old.  For a 30 year old, this would mean dating men between the ages of 23 and 37.  Let's say a man is 50.  I think the age range of women he is dating should be between 43 and 57.

I still see potential generational differences but perhaps what's most important is maturity.

Tradition however, differs. Tradition is that a man marries when he can afford to - and that it is he who chooses who he will marry. And since it can take a while for a man to get there, he may very well choose a much younger woman.  What does afford to marry mean these days when so many women self-support? 

Self assess Roxanne.  Is the relationship a good one?

Love is love and love can be a rare thing in a life and maybe being practical should be overlooked in favor of love!

Missy

PURITY

 Image from  Susan Wilkinson on Upsplash

HAVE YOU MET HIS WIFE? MISSY ASKS YOU!

She's THE OTHER WOMAN in your life too, and she may know about you... My question for you mistresses out there is HAVE YOU MET HER?

Missy

SEX ADDICTION : WHEN IS TOO MUCH TOO MUCH? : MISSY SPEAKS

I don't have the answer to that question. However, we can start with trying to define what sex addiction, which, in my opinion King Edward VII, once the Prince of Wales, had is.  Using Google AI, here is the consensus:

The official clinical term is CSBD = Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder. Classification: ICD-11 classifies it as an impulse-control disorder, not a chemical addiction.

"What it is NOT: The American Psychiatric Association (APA) did not include "sex addiction" in the DSM-5, although they recognize similar behaviors under "other specified sexual dysfunction".

Key Symptoms: Inability to control intense sexual impulses, engaging in sexual behavior despite negative consequences (e.g., relationship, financial, health issues), and using sexual acts to cope with stress or trauma.

Synonyms used: Hypersexuality, hypersexual disorder, or sexual dependence."

Let's say you are partnered and personal's involved have no complaints. Then probably we can say it's not too much (or too little.) 

Sometimes, however, incapability means that one or all go "outside the primary relationship." I have no way of knowing how often it is that a man has a mistress for this reason. I know that the notion that sex is the primary reason a man does have a wife and a mistress is a stereotype. I also know that some people have open relationships or otherwise knowingly allow or condone sexuality outside of the primary partnership. It's just that, as I see it, relationships are relationships because there is not just sexual motivation - more is going on there. 

I once had a man friend who had almost no sex with another person for years but, today, I would consider him a sex addict simply because of the relentless hunt for the woman or women he actually felt attracted to went on and on. Sometimes you can be friends with someone - good and close friends - for years and not know what they are all about in their very private life. You're friends and it's not part of your relationship maybe, certainly not essential. Then, you slowly begin to realize something or maybe someone else gives you a clue. 

Celibacy is a good choice for some people for various reasons. Fantasy may be healthy and a substitute for womanizing and may be about avoiding actually hurting real women without care or concern. (This was one of the reasons he said he was so careful to date but not jump into intimacy.) However, in this case, I was finally clued in, here and there, that my friend had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which had gotten worse with age. His own family and friends he had known years longer than I had, understood that. I would say that his parents had the responsibility and opportunity to get him to a doctor but they were codependent. Today I'm able to play armchair psychiatrist and "diagnose" my old friend; I still hesitate. I think that OCD, untreated, in his case, ties in with CSBD.

He married eventually, finding a woman of another race attractive, which I have no problem with but find interesting, considering how many women he passed by who were truly interested in him and attractive. It's my great hope that they love each other and have an excellent relationship. Perhaps she had the influence that I, as a friend, did not. Maybe she got him to the doctor and he's on some meds. For I fail to understand how falling in love and marrying can resolve years of hunting and fantacizing.

Missy

ROSES AND BUTTERFLY IN THE BREEZE

 

BEFORE WE BEGIN THIS NEW YEAR

 

This blue butterfly became a certain woman's chosen symbol of transformation!

JANUARY 2026'S POSTS WILL BEGIN TOMORROW 

NO KILL ANIMAL SHELTERS

I wish I could expand this list to include other countries. What you must do it try to find a local shelter that is clear about their intentions. You want to adopt a healthy dog. It might be a dog that is older and does have some health issues that require medical attention. There may be organizations that will help you get that medical care or other things you need to have a pet. (I'm counting on you to have the love!)

NO KILL NETWORK : CALIFORNIA LIST

FETCH PET : NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE  (And list of programs including Humane Relocation Program and Senior Programs)  OVER 2000 shelters in a network. 

MISSY ON WAITING TO BE A MISTRESS UNTIL YOUR LATE TWENTIES OR EARLY THIRTIES

Question for Missy:   

I've been reading over your Opinions and Advice, Missy. Do you still think that women should avoid being mistresses until they are in their late twenties or early thirties?

Margarite

Memphis

Answer from Missy:

Yes, Margarite I do think that, because I think a young woman in her late teens into her early thirties is/are just getting to understand herself, her sexuality and gender is part of that. Also statistics reveal that, although Americans are generally waiting longer to marry, they still tend to have a first marriage during this period. This is not to say that being a mistress is not as good as marriage or that everyone achieves self-knowledge early, or that people can't change their mind about their gender or sexuality later in life.  

Considerations are : Notions about marriage.  

What would you negotiate as the perfect marriage for yourself?  

Do you want to be married?  

How independent are you?

Although a Classic Mistress is said to be in a Shadow Marriage (a marriage like commitment) there's lots of pressure in our society to be with just one person at a time.

AUDREY MUNSON : EXPLOITED SHATTERED BROKEN : A COME BACK AFTER YEARS OF REJECTION AND POVERTY BUT FIRST THE PERFECT MAN

I discovered a link to some news articles and "The Queen of the Artists Studios" is a series of articles from 1921 written by Audrey Munson (perhaps with a ghost writer)  At the time Hollywood was making a film about her life called "The Audrey Munston Story" which became titled "The Soul Within."

ANDREA GEYER ; Link to Images re Audrey Munson News Articles

She ended up more that disappointed and fighting for money owed her.

Page 249:  "The "Perfect Model" now sought "The Perfect Man." Audrey had been badly battered by the double blow of Oelriches's rejection and the Wilkins murder-suicide.  Her movie career was over and she had been reduced to selling kitchen utensils door-to-door with Kittie.  Her manager had robbed her and she was still living with her mother at the age of thirty.  It was time to find a husband."

***

The press loved the story and soon enough it became a national obsession to find this woman a husband.  Some reported that she was looking for a man who resembled a Greek or Roman statue. It was a time in which Eugenics, the study of how to cause humans to reproduce in order to increase what were considered perfect characteristics of health and beauty, was popular.  Since she embodied the perfect woman, she needed a perfect man. Letters from all over became to arrive, men proposing themselves to her. Now the often rejected Audrey was like a kid in a candy store, finding reasons to reject potential suitors.

She wrote that the Gypsy Queen had told her she would reject six and marry the seventh.  Actually she rejected the seventh - if we think of all these potential suitors as one effort and with the suggestion that she was rejected by the perfect man. 

In April of 1922, she declared that a man named Joseph H. Stevenson was the one she wanted. It did not work out, though there is a mystery to this. Stevenson may have gotten engaged or married to someone else. His name is common enough to not assume.  Audrey, overwrought by yet another tragedy, attempted to poison herself - suicide.

C 2024  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights 

TALKING TILL SUNRISE : DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and SUICIDE and EATING DISORDERS : SOME PHONE NUMBERS FOR YOU IF YOU NEED THEM!

This month's posts have reminded me that Domestic Violence is not restricted to the poor, as is stereotyped, and that Suicide is not the way to solve emotional and psychological pain.  I want you, my readers, to be as healthy in body and mind as one can be. So I'm going to offer a couple phone numbers that may be the first step to improving your life if you are suffering. Though I don't personally deal with Domestic Violence and have never been Suicidal, friends of mine have been. I'm not making light of these issues at all.

Yes, I've talked on the phone for many hours with a friend who was depressed and in therapy and mostly it was all over a man, a man who was actually a good man but simply working on his PhD. and had little time for women in general, but was just not that interested in her. They were not having an affair. Not yet, anyway. She was obsessed with him and had developed quite a fantasy about what might happen in their relationship simply because they went for coffee and held hands on a walk. I stayed on the phone with her - long distance - until the sun rose and she could call her therapist for an emergency appointment.

We live and learn. All these years later, I have more knowledge and experience, and think I would probably deal with women friends who were in relationships that would never make them happy a bit differently. I never played therapist and suggesting therapy to another person took a long time for me to do. I still think that having a confidant or two is important and that loyalty and faithfulness in friendships is so important. However, sometimes as a close personal friend it takes you a while to realize that your friend who is in such pain needs someone to talk to who has a professional perspective.

I recently met a young woman who told me that talking about your personal life or problems to strangers made it obvious to her that a person needed to be in therapy. I do not agree with that. Sometimes disclosure and sharing are exactly how people bond and find out they have some things in common. (I also found out later that this particular young woman had serious problems such as drug addiction, a petty criminal record, and so on, so she was intensely in to therapy.) No, a therapist is not a friend!  They are paid professionals with education and experience in the field of psychology. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can prescribe medications. Usually a person sees a therapist first.  (And if you're in therapy and it's not helping, you may need to switch to a different one.) With a friend I'm not able to be objective like a professional might be.

Understanding what is or is not abuse or violence is important just as understanding what is or is not depression rather than just a bad mood or sadness.  

If you find yourself in a relationship or circumstances like Maria Callas did, well, this is 2024 and you don't have to be tortured like Maria. 

988 is the designated number to go right to SUICIDE PREVENTION and CRISIS HOTLINE - and you can SMS (text) with them too. The previous 988 Lifeline phone number 800-273-8255 will always remain available to people in emotional distress or suicidal crisis.

https://988lifeline.org/current-events/the-lifeline-and-988/

And then there's the NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE

Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service 

800-799-7233  SMS: (Text) BEGIN to 88788

https://www.thehotline.org/

I suspect that Maria Callas had an eating disorder.

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa & Associated Disorders (ANAD): The Helpline 888-375-7767 is open Monday to Friday.

Missy

HOW DOES THIS TOO SWEET MAN BREAK UP WITH THE WOMAN "FRIEND" WHO WON'T TAKE THE HINT

Question for Missy

Hi Missy,

I'm a disabled man in my sixties who can still function sexually but isn't interested in a relationship. I met a lady at the senior center who isn't disabled and have been friends with her for about two years.  At about the year and a half point she started to come on to me.  About six months ago it was her birthday and she said she wanted to have sex with me for her birthday.  I told her no.  I was married for over 30 years and haven't had sex with anyone since my wife died. I told her that.  I still love my wife and always will.  Also I told this woman to stop calling me so much.  Her therapist told her also that she wasn't listening to me when I told her I just wanted the friendship.  I told her that by text, by e-mail, and when we talk. She backed off for a while but the other day we were sitting in the park together and she asked me why I wouldn't have sex with her.  I think I've said it a lot of different ways.  She also says it's not just about sex and that she loves me and would marry me. How do I get her to take the hint?

Roger

Los Angeles

Answer from Missy

Wow Roger, that is a whole lot of not taking the hint. Roger, I think this woman is sexually obsessed with you and you're like a a "love drug" to her.  

You've never had sex with her though she has been after you for it and it sounds like you've been clear with her verbally. Now you must also, through your actions, break with her firmly and consistently. You have to tell her one final time that the two of you are just not on the same page. And this might mean not seeing her around the senior center too.  Are you willing to do that?

If you call her, call her back, or see her for any reason - just the two of you - she will get a dose of her "love drug" and she will not give up on you.

Here are some suggestions:

Even at the senior center be sure that you are not alone with her. Sit with other people at lunch, for instance.

Suggest to her when you do break with her that she join a dating club to meet someone more to her liking.

If you have a friend who you honestly think might make a good companion for her, introduce them.

Your message in Comments, which I do not publish for the Questions and Answers aspect of Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot, also indicates that you hate to lie. I want to suggest that gentle honesty is the best policy, however, because I think she is addicted to you and obsessed, and I've had women friends who were obsessed with men in the past, I know that the slightest suggestion of interest in her would be enough to keep that obsession going. The slightest.  She has a therapist to work with, which is a good thing.

But while musing about how to answer your question, I found a hilarious article on the net that I'm going to link to here.  It's so funny I laughed all the way through.  To you, and my readers, I suggest you click on this link and read this!  It's from GQ magazine and by writer Victoria Coren from 2015.

British GQ MAGAZINE : 20 WAYS TO MAKE HER LEAVE YOU by Victoria Coren Mitchell

C 2024 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot - All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights

IS NON MONOGAMY FOR YOU?

KISS BUT DON'T START WITH THE LIPS

While I was searching for images for this month's posts in public domain, I noticed that there were many of couples in passionate kisses... But a flirt may require less of a rush and more gentleness.  May I advice you linger to kiss a neck, a forehead, a cheek, before you go for the mouth and...  take weeks to get there?

Missy

PS.  The biggest excuse for giving someone a kiss whom you've never kissed is that it's their birthday.  The cheek or temple area is "safe."  Just be sure to make eye contact after that quick dash of a kiss.  Think "I sure would like more!"  Somehow that thought will make it from your brain into your eyes. 

LIKE TO GET TO KNOW YOU : SPANKY and OUR GANG

PARTIES ARE PERFECT FOR FLIRTING

Parties are perfect for flirting.  

Before you go, think of something light that you can talk about.  A funny experience you recently had...  Or a good joke (rated General Audience) that won't offend anyone... 

Put your smile on.

When you introduce yourself or someone else, it's OK to brag a little or mention a recent accomplishment, something people can talk with you or them about or remember you or them with. Just don't overdo it and try to be the star of the party. The star at a party is the person who invited you. Be sure to bring a little something as a gift and thank them for inviting you because they thought well of you and made that effort.

Be sure to circulate.You're there to mix. Chit chat and then move on. This is not the time to sit in a corner and talk problems with a friend you can call some other time.  And it's not the time to take off with someone you just met and turn it into a date. (If they ask, suggest they call.) 

You were invited by someone who thought well of you. Stick around for a reasonable time.  And it's your turn next to throw a party. If you cannot throw a party yourself, remember to call them and invite them out for coffee.

C 2024 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

SANTA BABY : ARIANA GRANDE

The ultimate traditional Sugar Baby song, done with a new twist by Ariana Grande. 

When I first started this blog, I had the notion that all Kept Women were Sugar Babies.  I didn't know the variety.  All these years later, here  is where you can explore the archives.  Maybe you'll recognize yourself.  Or decide an alternative lifestyle is not all for you. 

PAMELA DES BARRES A LONG TIME GOOD FRIEND OF CASSANDRA PETERSON's

 PAMELA DES BARRES : A  WELL KNOWN MUSICAL MUSE BUT A MISTRESS NOT!

From my archives: First posted on Oct 8, 2016

Pamela DesBarres, born Pamela Miller, once upon a time Queen of the (Los Angeles) Groupies, is now a successful author based on a number of books she's published such as "I'm With The Band," and "Let's Spend The Night Together," and "Take Another Piece Of My Heart."  These books recount her adventures as a Groupie, and then as a woman (eventually) married to a British rock star, Michael Des Barres, as well as the mother of a brilliant child, who goes through a divorce. Her writing is always explicit, exciting, and heart-full. I've read every one of her books over the years.

She looks just like you or me in her high school yearbook picture, but she had a different World View, and the clubs on the Sunset Strip were not so far from her family home in a working class suburb of The San Fernando Valley.

When it comes to Groupies, she was one with a Heart of Gold. 

Friends of mine think Pamela is way too "talkie" to be a good Mistress! Men might be scared off because they could end up in her book, if she wants to write about them! Does she have to name names?   (Yes, she really does!)

Another reason friends think so is that Pamela, and other groupies, seem to be so not materialism that they're practically sacrificial. Pamela's had lots of adventures but she's wasn't materialistic enough; she stood by her husband when they were low income, living with friends, between jobs, even took dumb jobs. She was just too self sacrificing, they say, but then again, I say, she's managed to make her own way in life. One snotty person said, "She has even made herself into a 'cottage industry'!"" (We could say that about Angelyn!)  If she were a man they'd say that she is a ROCK AND ROLL HISTORIAN!

Pamela now not only writes books but teaches writing workshops - Los Angeles - Vegas - Chicago - New York - gives rock and roll tours around the Sunset Strip area of Hollywood, and well... here is her site, with lots of sexy and fun pictures! 

 PAMELADESBARRES.COM

He tackles the term Groupies, saying these girls were a force of nature...

FROM the YOUTUBE Presenter of this Video:

MICHAEL DES BARRES (PAMELA's EX HUSBAND and the FATHER OF THEIR CHILD) LOVES HER WRITING
 
"Michael Des Barres is the host of Little Steven's Underground Garage on SiriusXM Radio, Channel 21 every weekday morning at 8am ET and again at Midnight ET. He has appeared in countless feature films and television shows and sold seven million albums as a writer and artist. A working musician for five decades, he has performed around the world from backroom bars to Live Aid. Michael’s enduring love of Delta blues and the rock and soul of the mid-60s beat boom is exemplified by his days as front man for such seminal bands as Silverhead, Chequered Past, Power Station and Detective, a band personally signed by Jimmy Page to Swan Song Records."


(SORRY A VIDEO I POSTED HAS BEEN WITHDRAWN FROM PUBLIC USE!)

From www.digitalfilmtree.com

“Documators” Created by Ramy Katrib and Evan York
Award winning documentary and animation producers, Evan York and Ramy Katrib, bring to life…”Documators” A series of short, animated documentaries mixed with Live Action footage. We report on what’s trending, cutting edge News worthy stories."

*****

Missy here:  I devoted October 2016 to Groupies...

DO YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP or A SITUATIONSHIP? : OPINION and RELATIONSHIP ADVICE BY MISSY

 I just recently heard this new word, this new concept, called a SITUATIONSHIP.  What it means is that your contact with another person might seem like a RELATIONSHIP, but it's held together by the situation you're in together, or your situation in life - or his.

We can all understand that some relationships depend on being co-workers, or being in a college class together, or maybe going to the same church or living in the same town.  Someone changes a job or finishes school or moves on and soon the relationships that once held importance to you are no more, or barely held together by rare contact.  If the relationship was a long one maybe it will continue on, but as I've personally found all it takes is traffic jams and transportation difficulties to another part of town to make a local person geographically undesireable.

Sadly this term is perhaps more accurate when applied to when a person keeps you in their life even though they know they do not feel as you do.  He knows he is not serious and never will be and is keeping his options open to meet other women.  He might be in your life enough that you can't believe this would be so but he knows this truth.  You are there because you benefit him in some way, more than he is of benefit to you. Most obviously, sexually.  Perhaps if he didn't have you in his life he would not have regular sex or any sex at all. Perhaps he gets his pleasure without consideration for yours and it's not just the two of you figuring out what works, he's lazy or doesn't actually care and he figures you don't mind because you don't speak up.  (As I see it no one should be doing friends with benefits or booty calls.)  It can be because he doesn't want to be known as a man who doesn't have a woman in his life. Out and about he wants to be seen with a woman - you -  because other men, he figures, will think better of him.  Maybe he's even in the closet, even though it's more popular in big cities in America to be "out."  (Yes, many men who decide they are gay have had heterosexual experience and can have sex with women too.  Some are bisexual.  Not all men who identify as gay find women totally unattractive or totally undesireable. As one man who has been in a committed gay relationship for years told me, "I was engaged to be married to a woman and I enjoyed sex with her but then I had sex with a man and it was just so much more exciting.)

How does a person get into a SITUATIONAL?

No one way, wish their was. I think it's sometimes because a person doesn't know what they want and need.

If you realize you are and don't want to be, don't beat yourself up over how it evolved.  Just don't stay in a SITUATIONAL if you know the relationship is stalled out and you're not getting what you really want and need.  I do know it can be so difficult.  You may love the person, way more than they have ever or could ever love you.  When you break with the person, be loving and kind but firm.

Time passes and so does your libidinal energy, which at best should be devoted to the person or persons who actually love you and want what you do. Through the years in a serious relationship there is give and take and sometimes you might be the one giving more, but you do have needs and always being the giver is probably not healthy or sustainable.  It's not about money or just about money.  There are all sorts of benefits to having a good relationship beyond money.  We all need people we can be ourselves with, people we can speak our truth with, people we can trust, and people we can depend on.

Now, this is not to say that no woman ever kept a man in her life even though she knew he was not it for her.  Some women marry because they feel "it's time' if they want to have children and raise them, for instance.  What's so sad is when you hear of people who stay married for years unhappy and unsatisfied because they did not want to remain unmarried.  Find your courage.

You really have to think about your life, what you want, what is realistic, give it thought and decide.  It might have a lot to do with what chapter of your life you're in.  For instance, some people are content with sharing someone with another person or being a mistress rather than a married woman.  Some younger men go off with an older woman and are happy and devoted, while others figure they'll get sex, career benefits, notoriety, or something else while it lasts.

Ask yourself if changes in a person's life will include you or not.

Missy

C 2023  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

DO YOU LIKE BAD BOYS? BAD GIRLS? MISSY ASKS YOU!

 Are you a person who finds yourself attracted to Bad Boys?  Bad Girls?

What makes that person Bad?

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Missy

DO YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT BECOMING A KEPT PERSON?

I'd like to hear your story!

What gender are you?

What is your education?

What is your employment?

Would being Kept improve your life?  How so?

Missy