PARTIES ARE PERFECT FOR FLIRTING

Parties are perfect for flirting.  

Before you go, think of something light that you can talk about.  A funny experience you recently had...  Or a good joke (rated General Audience) that won't offend anyone... 

Put your smile on.

When you introduce yourself or someone else, it's OK to brag a little or mention a recent accomplishment, something people can talk with you or them about or remember you or them with. Just don't overdo it and try to be the star of the party. The star at a party is the person who invited you. Be sure to bring a little something as a gift and thank them for inviting you because they thought well of you and made that effort.

Be sure to circulate.You're there to mix. Chit chat and then move on. This is not the time to sit in a corner and talk problems with a friend you can call some other time.  And it's not the time to take off with someone you just met and turn it into a date. (If they ask, suggest they call.) 

You were invited by someone who thought well of you. Stick around for a reasonable time.  And it's your turn next to throw a party. If you cannot throw a party yourself, remember to call them and invite them out for coffee.

C 2024 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

SHOULD HE CHOOSE HIS SENTIMENTAL FAVORITE OR THE WOMAN HE'S SEEING? : OPINION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Hey Missy,

I'm in love with two women. One is my high school girlfriend, I'll call her Marie. We broke up years ago. We talk on the phone a couple times a year and see each other maybe once or twice. Usually to lunch. No messing around. She had a boyfriend for a couple years and they broke up. She's gone on dates but hasn't been in another relationship. When we get together, I think we're still attracted. I just think we were too young and it couldn't happen then. My bro says, "She's just your sentimental favorite.  Move on!"

The other, I'll call her Annie, and me have been dating for about a year and a half. She's terrific. Ok, both women are my type. I like tall blondes and I like women who have a lot to say. Annie says she is ready to make more of a commitment to me and our relationships. What stops me from asking Annie to move in with me is that I feel guilty. I always feel like I'm cheating on Marie.  Which is why I think my heart has always belonged to her. 

I'm 26 and Marie and Annie are 25. 

Robert

New Jersey

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Congratulations Robert!  You now know that loving more than one person at a time is possible. Actually I think it happens more than what is admitted to. I also know the pressure is on to choose one woman. That's the expectations of our society most of the time to be involved with only one person at a time. Mainly you are not comfortable with it. 

High school wasn't too long ago.

I understand you have a friendship with Marie that you value and have not actually "cheated' on Annie. That would be a healthy keep-her kind of friendship but for the fact that you feel guilty because you can't give Annie what she's ready for and you might be if only Marie were not in your life.  Also it doesn't sound like Marie is actually doing or saying anything that would give you the impression she would like you back, though she may just be respecting that you're involved with Annie.

It would be true to tell Annie that you are "not ready" for more of a commitment to her. Don't have her move in. You do not have to tell her about your feelings for Marie. That's for you to figure out. I think you need to call Marie and ask her out to lunch. Or take a walk in the park. Ask her if she ever thinks of you in a romantic way, if there is any spark there. Give her the chance to be honest and respect what she says.

If she's willing to give it another go, probably you need to tell Annie you need to take a break.

That's the best I can do with advice on this one.

Let me know what happens Robert!

Missy

C 2022 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

DATE RULES FOR DETECTING THAT THE OTHER PERSON IS A CHEATER?! WHAT A LOT OF NONSENSE!

Hello My Readers!

I saw an article in Daily Mail UK's Online version in which one of their experts - a woman - gave some of the worst advice I've heard about how to "detect" a cheater.  She thought people who were trying to hide their phones at dinner tables were suspects and that if a person looks around a room while with you, there's a problem.  Her ideas were so much nonsense. So I'm going to tell what I think.

The expectations this person had for first and early dating were actually EXPECTATIONS for a committed relationship and even then I don't think she's reasonable. Maybe if it's love at first sight or a whirlwind romance, a person might feel they're in seriously - but almost no one has such expectations when they are DATING.

If a person is not in committed relationship which has been discussed and agreed upon by both, THEY CAN DATE ALL THEY WANT. They are not "cheating" on anyone. That's that. 

Some people also have agreements with their partners about what is or is not cheating. 

Why is it called cheating?  Because it is assumed that our partner deserves to get everything they want and need from one person - you - and visa versa.  

Now, HAVING A CELL PHONE AT A RESTAURANT OR PRIVATE DINNER on a table is common but RUDE. You're not hiding the phone by keeping it in your pocket or bag and off the table. You're trying to be focused on your dinner, your guest. 

Your phone is your private business. I actually think you should not be looking at someone else's phone any more than you would search through their medicine cabinet at a party or go into their private papers while house sitting. I think everyone needs and deserves some privacy, even when they are MARRIED.

Being jealous and grabbing someone else's phone to see who they just talked to or what numbers they have in their phone?  RUDE. RUDE. RUDE.  (You might even drive them to cheat!)

And if you're on date with someone and they seem to be paying more attention to those who are walking by instead of you, maybe they're looking for the waiter.  If they are cruising, it may be a bad habit, and nothing more. It's possible they're not so into you but that still does not mean they are a cheater when committed. There are a lot of people cruising to see who is beautiful or handsome or exciting.  

I had a platonic friend, a male, who did this when he and I were out. But in truth he was actually stuck in looking and not having relationships at all. 

So, if you have not discussed being in some form of committed relationship, realize that at some point you need to discuss being committed mutually and openly and agree or not. You need to express your expectations for faithfulness - or not. For those of you who are sleeping around thinking that it's going to lead to true love, maybe it will or won't. Don't assume you are in a committed relationship just because you're having sex and until it's agreed upon that you are exclusive with each other, NO ONE IS CHEATING.

So tuck away your phone as a way of showing respect for your dinner partner and if you have a habit of watching who is coming through the door, try a seat facing the other way.  

C 2021 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

ANNA BEY ON THE TYPES OF WOMEN RICH MEN LIKE

Russian men commonly have two women?

Which type are you most attractive to?

The Hip-Hop Rap Music Business Man?

The Old Money Trust Fund Type?

The Russian Oligarch?

The Arab or Gulf Coast Prince?

The New Chinese Rich Guy?

The Tech Billionaire?

The Finance Guy?

The Rich Farmer?

The Discreet Guy?

ANNA BEY on THE NEW USE OF AN OLD TERM : GOLD DIGGER

The video was taken down from YouTube by Bey so....  I will just leave up my commentary!  Missy

********************************************************************************

In other videos Anna explains that she is a feminist and wants to see women treated better as well as honored for their contributions to life.

How do I feel about women paying for men on dates?

I think the person who asks someone on a date should make all the arrangements and pay for everything, based on what they can honestly afford. In other words men, don't dare ask a woman, pick a restaurant, get there, and then tell her she is paying.  If you are a woman who asks a man out, ditto.

I also feel we need to understand that dating is dating.  It's not necessarily a relationship. Lots of people date a lot.  You can date a lot and not be sleeping around.  You can just be meeting people, some of whom you may want as friends. Dating might lead to a relationship.  A relationship may require some honest assessment of what is affordable to all involved.

If a man has little to no money to date, he can still find affordable (free or inexpensive) things to do.

My friends who had more money than the men they were dating and pulled their wallets out early on, found themselves married to men who had the expectation of being supported.  More than one of them spent most of his time on the sofa.  

Missy

UPDATE HERE:  I was going through my archives this morning and was reminded that in April 2010, I did a month on PEGGY HOPKINS JOYCE, much based on a book about her called GOLD DIGGER.

You can find that month in my archives or search for her name.

PEGGY HOPKINS JOYCE

Spendthrifty Gold Digger Who Ended Up With One of the World's Largest Diamonds

Since the title of the book is Gold Digger, I used it correctly, yet I do wonder now, based on what Anna has to say, if Peggy really was just after the money. or if she too suffered for this term.

WHEN SHE SAYS YES TO LUNCH AND THEN TELLS YOU SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND : OPINION BY MISSY

Hello Readers!

One of my platonic male friends who seems to have no trouble attracting women willing to go out to lunch with him, tells me that too often the woman who accepted the lunch date uses the time to tell him she already has a boyfriend or is already dating someone.  Then the woman suggests they can be friends.  What's going on, he wants to know. 

Here is what's going on.

LUNCH DATES ARE MORE CASUAL and SHOULD BE LESS EXPENSIVE THAN A DINNER DATE and imply less obligation.  Maybe she had nothing else to do or felt hungry.  No big deal.

Lunch is a better idea when you want to start any kind of relationship, because it's usually less expensive (and should be!) for a first time one on one encounter with another person.  As the person who has asked the other person to meet up with them, you are obligated to pay the tab, including the tip, so you should do a little research and be sure you can afford to do so.  No announcing that the other person is paying for the meal or what they order. Since more people are willing to go see what another person is about for lunch, you have a better chance of them being willing to meet up with you if you suggest it.  Even better is a Sunday brunch - a meal eaten mid morning, as it leaves the rest of the day free earlier.  Plan to spend no more than 3 hours including commute time.  Men, ask your friends about places they recommend and why, check out places to meet up for lunch when you're out.  Find the perfect place.  Not too noisy.  You want to hear each other when you talk.  No overly hovering waiters trying to snatch your coffee cups the moment you stop sipping.

IF YOUR REAL INTENTION IS TO DATE THE PERSON RATHER THAN BE FRIENDS WITH THEM, then consider yourself lucky that they are telling you they are not interested in you in that way.  When a person tells you they already have a girlfriend or boyfriend, well, they knew that when they accepted your invitation for lunch.  The reason is that they have used the term girlfriend or boyfriend to say they have someone special.  You might think that this means you should probe them for more details such as "are you committed to each other?" but don't bother.  Whatever the other person thinks of the relationship doesn't matter, just what the person telling you they have someone special in their life already thinks of it.

However, there's more room to ask some questions if they say they are "already dating" someone else.  Does this mean that they are a one at a time kind of person? You might ask, boldly, "do you ever date more than one person at a time?"  These days the term dating can mean anything from meeting up with someone to having a full on affair with them.  Sadly, some people seem to use other people as "insurance," a raw term I first heard a few years ago.  They never want to be without a date so they audition other people as possible if the one they are with right now dumps them!  Such people usually don't enjoy their own company or can't be alone and can't be without someone to date.

Sometimes a man comes on too strong at lunch and a woman says these things though they are not true or barely true because she realizes he seems to want too much out of her to soon.  She means to be polite, the way men mean to be polite when they end a conversation or date with a woman by claiming they are going to call - and then don't.  Polite as in little white lies.  A woman is sitting there and she's feeling his intensity, thinks maybe he's the type to be obsessed, stalkerish, or maybe too jealous or controlling  maybe; her perception may or may not be right on.  However if the woman tells you she already has a boyfriend or is dating someone else already, and suggests friendship, but what you really hoped was to start dating her, it's ok to say you will give her a call - and not.  Provide her your phone number.  Let her give you a call to suggest some friendly get together such as an invitation to a party (where it is OK to bring someone else as a date.)  Women, if you tell a man who just paid for your lunch because he invited you, you just want to be friends and then call him to meet you for lunch, it's your turn to pay.

Who pays and how much?  It depends on what the relationship is, who earns more or has more income to spend on dates, the details of which you are not privileged to have until you are far more involved with them than this meeting up for lunch.

I'd rather be disappointed at lunch than dinner.


Missy

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Being a Girlfriend Who'se Good and True - Fair and Foul Weather Friend

Reading Holly Madison's memoir about living in the Playboy Mansion as one of Hugh Hefner's Girlfriends, and then as the Main Girlfriend, and how she survived it, made me sad.  Despite being called a "Girlfriend" she had no good and true friends in the situation, and the situation was her life, unless you count one of the older women who had been with Hef as an assistant for decades who seemed to be there for her a little.  (I'm skeptical.) 

Holly would hope for someone new to be a friend, even recruit one, but the new woman's competitiveness or personality or drug addiction would soon end that hope. Who was there to speak with intelligence about any of her interests or real feelings?  Not Hef.  He chauvinistically had his circle of men friends for that. It does seem like his type was Blonde Bimbo, and Holly was willing to pretend to be that and act as if. She was alone and lonely surrounded by people.

It's always possible to have a "girlfriend" who is actually a man, gay or straight, platonic. There is something to be said for having other women, who live in a female body, and have female body issues like you do, as a friend.  I'm using the term girlfriend here to mean someone you are not sexual or romantic with.  (I know it may sound a little old fashioned or confuse some people but I don't mean necessarily a lesbian romance.) 

They say it takes being one to have one.  So, be a Good and True friend to at least one other woman.  Be that person who can listen well, understand or try to, have empathy, and be trustworthy. Be there when she needs you.  Save her reputation. Help her get good work. As in all relationships there has to be some give and take, as well as being both responsible for keeping the relationship going, no matter what's going on. 

Choose her well.  Then stick with her.

C 2017 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

SMITTEN - THE WAY OF THE BRILLIANT FLIRT by ARIEL KILEY and SIMONE KORNFELD

 "There's nothing hotter than being YOU!"

SMITTEN BOOK OFFICIAL SITE  Authors Ariel Kiley and Simone Kornfeld

I went off to my public library and ordered in several books on flirting.  This one was my favorite!

SMITTEN reveals an interesting FLIRTING PHILOSOPHY.

Be a self actualizing woman and you can communicate authentically, about yourself, while expressing true interest in others.  The authors will explain to you how to draw boundaries so that you can "handle" men who come on to you rudely, such as the Touchy-Feely, the Inappropriate Inquirer, The Degrading Flatter, the Spatial Smotherer, and the Dance-Floor Predator.  For the Inappropriate Inquirer try "Well, that's a bold thing to ask.  It seems etiquette has eluded you this evening, hmmm?"  (Page 78)  "Because Smitten techniques will cause all sorts of men to desire your affections, we strongly encourage you to get very specific about your wants/needs/values in advance."  (Page 89)  The 8 "earthshaking techniques include  THE QUIRKY QUESTION. UNINHIBITED ENTHUSIASM, REVEALING INTELLIGENCE, PURELY PINK, SECRET THOUGHTS, DECISIVE DECISIONS, the SMUTTY MOUTH, and the SECOND OF SILENCE.

EXCERPTS:

"The point of paying creative attention to  your look is not so that others will be awed by your genius ability to gain fashion inspiration from a cracked-up, washed-up oyster shell. Dressing in this way infuses your outfit with life.  It lets others get a glimpse of your distinctive vibrations, the particular pathways of your mind, your singular artistic aesthetic..."
(Page 66)

"As you become an increasingly brilliant flirt, it is inevitable that others will be drawn in by your undeniable radiance.  That is, of course, the point, but all this magnetism can result in various spatial, emotional, and sexual infringements - putting your personal boundaries to the test."
(Page 74)

C2015 Book Review Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot/ Missy Rapport
All Rights including International Rights

SHOULD SHE KEEP THIS ARDENT PURSUER OR FLEE FROM HIM AND HIS BARBED TOUNGE?

Question For Missy!

Hi Missy,

I find myself thinking of my boyfriend, let's call him Pierre, all the time.  But what I'm pondering really is if I should just accept that he has an odd personality trait and love him without reservation or run fleeing from him while I'm still not that involved with him.  I mean, am I being petty?

We met about seven years ago. I dated him knowing he was in the process of relocating for his work. It was hard saying goodbye. Then we tried a mostly phone relationship for about a year, but broke up after a fight on the phone.  Neither of us called each other back after that.  In my opinion he was making light of a situation I was in at the time that felt very threatening to me and was sort of bragging to me about how he, in the same situation, would handle it so much better. 

He returned to this city a year and a half ago and went looking for me.  I resisted getting involved again but then he found me.  A couple months ago we had a long conversation and he made it clear he was still interested in me and wanted another go of it. 

See it seems that every time and I mean EVERY TIME I get together with him he manages to say something that is a bit provocative or that upsets me enough to keep thinking about it later, things which he thinks are funny or teasing sometimes, but I'm not laughing.  On a cab ride home recently, for which I was paying, I was talking to the driver, and he began to correct me.  I told him not to tell me who to talk to or what to say. 

I don't want to go into personal details about my finances so he says things to get me to tell him more.  At first when he quietly asked me if I was "living alone" I thought he wanted to find out if I was living with someone, if I was available.  But lately the question of how it is that I can afford what I have has come with his insinuation that I have a sugar daddy or am a mistress.  The other day he came up to me where I was sitting waiting for him at the park where we agreed to meet to jog, bent to my ear, but loud enough for others to hear he said "I finally got it.  You have a Sugar Daddy!"  I shook my head vigorously, more because I thought "When will he stop?" more than that I'd never.  

I felt embarrassed. 

He also, at a lunch, tried to calmly lay my finances out on the table by first talking about his tax refund and then saying "How do you make it, since you don't work!"  It's true I don't have a regular job working for one company or employer, but for years now I've been one of those small business people who has more than one stream of income including an Etsy Shop!  I explained to him part of what I do weeks ago and showed him some of my crafts I sell. I've never made a lot of money and am rent poor, but I've also been proud of my independence.

Thinking maybe he was hinting around for me to be generous to him, I told him a few things that might make the point that I have to be careful with my money.  I told him I had been shoe shopping a lot lately and hadn't found anything that I liked, that fit well, and that I could afford.  The next time I saw him I was wearing the new boots I finally selected and he noticed them and said "Are those throw aways?" 

Every single time we have a date, be it that we go out somewhere or we have dinner at my place he manages to say or do something that is odd, provocative, or inappropriate.

Your opinion Please!

Paula

Answer From Missy!

OK Paula, we can cut right through his nonsense with this.  This man is a VEXATION TO YOUR SPIRIT.  He has to go.  He is TBA  (TO BE AVOIDED!)  He certainly is testing you with his barbs, jests, teases, whether it's with comments others can hear or things he says to you when alone. Maybe he is insensitive or ignorant to how he's coming off or making you feel, BUT YOU DO FEEL IT!

Maybe he is trying to determine how much money you have to bring into a relationship with him, whether or not he would have to support you or if you can support him.

He may be manipulating your emotions and if you're confused about your values, that makes it worse for you.  Some people just like to suck information out of others for the game of it.  They are even willing to pretend you've just made a Close Personal Friend whose Secrets are Safe With Them... 

You CAN have secrets from others, just not from yourself, Paula!

I admire that you have Independence and work you enjoy.  A lot of people would envy you for that.  So use your independence to get out there and meet someone else. A man doesn't have to be a Sugar Daddy or Keep you to have a generous spirit, to be nice to you,  to be sensitive to your feelings, and you don't even get this guys jokes, so tell Pierre you want to be free.

Missy