A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME

 

KING EDWARD VII DIES : AGNES KEYSER GOES INTO MOURNING : ALICE KEPPEL MUST WITHDRAWL - AGNES KEYSER'S DISCRETION MEANS AN INVITE TO THE FUNERAL

He had been smoking and coughing and falling asleep sitting up but had continued to get up each day to fulfill whatever Royal Duties he still could... He was with Alice Keppel at a hotel in Paris. His wife, Queen Alexandra, was on a cruise in the Mediterranean. They both knew he was dying. The day of his death in London, he had a cigar, saw an old friend, had a winning horse at Kempton Park, but the King also fainted twice and then fell into a coma.

Excerpt pages 129-130: ..."Before he passed into a final comatose state Queen Alexandra gave instructions that any close friends he wished to see should be allowed to visit the king. Out of this invitation Alice Keppel was to build a curious story, her version of which she was to assert for the rest of her life.

Agnes claimed she was "summoned" by the Queen to see the dying King Edward VII. Many, including courtiers, say otherwise.

Excerpt page 130: During the last days of the king's life, Alice was frantic. She knew that her lover was dying and asked to be with him. The queen had not sent for her, although, according to Sir Francis Laking, Alice had been a constant visitor to Buckingham Palace before the Queen came back from the Mediterranean.  Alice played what she thought was her trump card - she sent the Queen the letter that the King had sent her at the time of his appendix operation in 1902 which had said that if he was dying he was certain that the Queen would allow Alice to come to him.  The letter, and a further wish of the King's that Alice be invited, persuaded the Queen to allow Knollys (the King's private secretary) to contact Alice.

Alice did go to the King but she also lied that the King had asked the Queen to kiss Alice - to unite in his last hours. Alice also said that he had asked that the Royal Family look after her after his death, suggesting she expected ongoing money. Rather a witness said that the Queen shook hands with Alice and suggested that she had always been a good influence over him. Actually, she might have said that sarcastically, as reportedly Alice ran from the room and was in hysterics. In actuality the King barely recognized people at this point in his dying process.

Alice knew that she would be swamped with publicity, and so she fled to a friend's with her entourage. She was in deep grief. But she did the best thing she could to guard her position in society and went to sign a public book of condolences, as if she were just one of many people to give her regards. She found herself snubbed by the new King, Wilhelm II, who disapproved of her and would not receive her.

But Agnes Keyser and her family were acceptable.

Excerpt page 133 -134: Agnes Keyser's mourning was to be discreet, Alice Keppel's depressive and demonstrative. Leading up to the state ceremonial on 20 Ma6y there was a three-day-lying-in-state at Westminster Hall, before interment at St. George's Chapel, Windsor.  Keppels were to play a prominent part in the funeral cortege. .....  From Marlborough House, the new King's private secretary Sir Arthur Bigge wrote to the Duke of Norfolk that it was the monarch's wish that Agnes and Fanny Keyser were to be allocated seats for the funeral service at Stl George;'s Chapel, Windsor.

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HAVE YOU MET HIS WIFE? MISSY ASKS YOU!

She's THE OTHER WOMAN in your life too, and she may know about you... My question for you mistresses out there is HAVE YOU MET HER?

Missy

SING TO ME

 

AGNES KEYSER'S ROYAL ADMIRER INSISTS THE HOSPITAL REMAIN OPEN : BUT HE IS ALSO OPENLY IN RELATIONSHIP WITH ALICE KEPPEL : QUEEN ALEXANDRA APPRECIATES AGNES

The hospital was renamed to King Edward's VII Hospital  for Officers: Sister Agnes Founder but the King became its first patron and the Prince of Wales became its first President.  Edward VII was a regular visitor to the hospital and the officers who were treated there. But it was also likely the scene of their dalliances. When Agnes appealed to the King, he got donors to keep the hospital open, though Agnes had used her own funds to endowing the foundation trust. Many of the donors were Anglo-Jews.

Excerpt pages 112:  "Like Alice Keppel, Agnes Keyser was becoming an indispensable part of the king's life. He enjoyed being bullied by Agnes concerning his heath I paying no practical attention the while) and her disapproval of his heavy smoking provoked his guttural laughter. Yet no one could sooth him half so well as Agnes, as he recovered from his Corona y Coronas cigar-induced coughing fits in which he went a deep shade of purple.

It can't be stated enough, the King continued his very open relationship with Alice Keppel. They went together to the resorts - Biarritz - Paris. It is said that sometimes she embarrassed the King's wife, Queen Alexandra. Alice Keppel also noticed the King's declining health and worried and his doctor was distressed. The Queen was angry that he was still going off with his mistress. But Queen Alexandra had a different relationship with Agnes. She appreciated her.

Excerpt page 125 : At 17 Grosvenor Crescent (Agnes' home), Agnes Keyser anxiously noted that the king's health was deteriorating; he had more frequent bouts of coughing as they talked, and a bad kink left him gasping for breath for a quarter of an hour. Agnes could see he was becoming increasingly depressed about the future, and he was talking more and more about bad omens. And an event at Sandringham at New Year 1910 did not improve his state of mind.

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AGNES AND FANNY KEYSER SET UP KING EDWARD VII's FAVORITE CHARITY THEME : A HOSPITAL FOR BOAR WAR SOLDIER GENERALS IN LONDON

Yes the hospital was only for the elite of the military who had been wounded. Was Agnes a snob? She and her sister were unified in establishing a hospital.

Excerpt page 77:  "From the early days of his public duties, the Prince of Wales had shown great interest in promoting and supporting hospitals. In the year of his marriage (1863) he became patron of eight hospitals alone, including the London Fever Hospital. In the Keyser sisters he saw worthy (and wealthy) promoters of his favorite charity theme and suggested that they set up a hospital for sick and wounded in the current war So in 1899 a hospital was founded at the sisters home at 17 Grosvenor Crescent...."

... Funded by the two sisters the hospital was to nurse 275 officers during the period of the war and Agnes showed herself to be an able administrator, although she had no medical training  The hospital was not to take the whole of Fanny Keysers efforts. She decided to go to South Africa. Before 1899 there were few female nurses in the British Medical Corps, and at first there was an official reluctance to send women as nurses to South Africa. Fanny Keyser joined a civilian hospital at Johannesburg from 5 November 1900 to 28 February 1901, whereupon she rejoined her sister. Meanwhile brother Charles Edward Founded a Home for the Convalescent Soldiers at Aldermaston.

While the Keyser sisters busied themselves with war work, Alice Keppel was establishing herself in royal circles and began to appear regularly at the Prince of Wales's main haunts....

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PRINCE EDWARD ALBERT WAS FIFTY-NINE YEARS OLD WHEN HE FINALLY BECAME KING

image from Wikimedia Commons identified as 

Edward Albert, Prince of Wales wearing the uniform of the Admiral, 

dated 6 August 1891

He was 59 years old when he became King in 1901 at his mother, Queen Victoria's death and ruled until May of 1910. He was in waiting for the throne for most of his life and had plenty of time for pleasure which he indulged in without much concern that he would ever be confronted with scandal over it. His wife, Princess Alexandra of Denmark, had no choice but to tolerate his womanizing. 

He was short, said to be about five foot eight, maybe with lifts in his shoes, and he was portly, but his clothing was tailored to him and there have always been those who like a man in a uniform...

AGNES KEYSER'S PARENTS WERE NEW MONEY PEOPLE ACCEPTED INTO THE PEERAGE : SHE DIDN'T WANT HIS MONEY BUT THE KING NEEDED HER

In Queen Victoria's time, there were about 1500 families who dominated London Society based on their pedigree rather than their money. But room was being made for the likes of the Keyser's. Excerpt page 55 : ... "By the 1890's stocks, shares, and money-making skills pushed into the social limelight a whole range of families backed by purchased land and money which had not been inherited... 

Edward Albert, Prince of Wales, finally became King in 1901 when his mother, Queen Victoria, died.  There was much anticipation because the people wanted change. It was well known that he was involved with Alice Keppel, but well, it was always said that the King had "democratic tastes" in women.  And he was involved with both Alice Keppel and Agnes Keyser

Excerpt page 75:  "The Prince of Wales association with Agnes Keyser developed at a much slower pace than his with Alice Keppel, and was not to increase in intensity until after he became King and his health entered its steady decline.  Alice would never lose her lace as maltress du roi (mistress of the King), but the monarch's need for Agnes evolved as a loving friendship.  It is likely too, that Edward was a regular visitor to the London house of the Keyser sisters at 17 Grosvenor Crescent, which the family leased from the Duke of West minister.

Exactly when and where the Prince of Eales and Agnes Keyser met for the first time in 1898 is difficult to tell. The prince - with Alice Keppel - was to visit the former Keyser home of Warren House on a number of occasions and knew the Keysers well, but it is likely that they first met in London through mutual friends, within the network of Anglo-Jewry which vacillated at the edge of Edward's court.  In particular the Bishcoffsheims and their relatives the Goldschmidts, the Sassoons, the Cassels, and the Wernhers, were all members of the princes' court circle. Many of their friends were to be further linked with Agnes and her new royal admirer through the advent of the South African War.

Agnes and her sister, Fanny, were volunteers in nursing service and relief organizations.

Here is how AI (using Wikipedia) defines the South African War:

The Second Boer War (1899–1902) was a major conflict where the British Empire fought two independent Boer republics—the Transvaal and the Orange Free State—for control of South Africa. Driven by imperial expansion and the desire to control gold resources, Britain utilized a massive army to overcome early Boer guerrilla tactics, concluding with the Treaty of Vereeniging, which annexed the republics.

Causes: The conflict arose from disputes over British "Uitlanders" (foreigners) in the gold-rich Transvaal, political friction between imperial expansionists (e.g., Lord Milner) and Boer leaders (e.g., Paul Kruger), and the aftermath of the 1895 Jameson Raid.

British Tactics & Consequences: To counter guerrilla tactics, the British implemented a "scorched earth" policy and established concentration camps for Boer civilians, causing over 26,000 deaths from disease and malnutrition. This sparked significant controversy in Britain.

Outcome: The war was the longest, most expensive (200 million pounds)
and bloodiest war for Britain between 1815 and 1914, costing over 20,000 British lives.

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BLUE BIRDS on ROSE WREATH

In Victorian times, the blue bird was associated with nursing.

 

AGNES KEYSER : "SISTER AGNES" WAS A NEVER MARRIED CHILDLESS WOMAN WHO LOVED THE AGING MONARCH KING EDWARD VII AND NEED NOT TAKE A DIME FROM HIM

Agnes Keyser as "Sister Agnes"

painting by Miss Maude Coleridge which appeared in tabloidish The Tatler, 16 September 1914.

image from Wikipedia

AGNES KEYSER

1852 – 1941

Raymond Lamont-Brown authored this book, which compares and contrasts the two acknowledged mistresses of King Edward VII's last years. It serves as the primary reference for this month's posts.

The magazine illustration above shows Agnes as a nurse, and called "Sister Agnes."  However, she had no nurse training. She could be called nurturing but commanding. The King was ailing, obese, in pain.

On the book cover here, Agnes is the one depicted to the top left, and Alice Keppel the bottom left. Lamont-Brown's book is about the last two loves of this King, who had devoted most of his life to pleasure whenever possible, during the last few years of his life.  

How to describe Agnes Keyser? One might suggest that she was so unlike the other mistresses of Edward Albert, the Prince of Wales who became King Edward VII, so unlikely to be a mistress, that she's remarkable in that way ... There is some speculation that he and Agnes had a love that was devoid of sexuality.  Though that may or may not be true, once again we make our way through the  mistress stereotype, that the relationship is about sex.

I want to start by posting what I learned about Agnes Keyser from reading the book I featured last month: Catherine Arnold's.

The King and his wife lived at Sandringham House which is today the preferred family home of King Charles III, but his wife felt herself to be a prisoner there because she was left home while the King was openly in a relationship with Alice Keppel. Everyone seemed to know their place in the scheme of things, for, according to author Raymond Lamont-Brown, that the King's entourage for his coronation  included other mistresses such as Daisy Greville, Countess of Warwick, Lillie Langtry, and Sarah Bernhardt. 

There is also the question of just how many children the Prince of Wales, who became King Edward VII late in life, had begot outside of his marriage. Some of the people who attended the coronation may have been the "bratlings" he had fathered.

The King was an aging, arguably sickly, portly, 58 year old when he met Agnes Keyser.  She, at 46 years old, was a prim "bachelor girl" (spinster) who had never married or had children. Her family was not quite to-the-manner-born as some of his mistresses had been, but they were rich and influential enough to have Agnes presented to Queen Victoria at court. Her parents were at least partially of Jewish heritage. Her father was a member of the Stock Exchange. She was an heiress and had the independence and freedom that most women of her era did not. It has been remarked upon that from an early age she did not much like women but she loved men. Speculation is that her own nanny was too harsh with her.

Agnes probably met the king in 1899.  The Boar war broke out and she and her younger sister, Fanny, set up a nursing home for officers.  Just officers. The King, called "Bertie." set up a trust to finance this nursing home.  Several of the donors were also of some Jewish descent. It became King Edward's Hospital for Officers.  She was thus called "Sister Agnes."

Now, from the Raymond Lamont-Brown book, we learn that both women likely got involved with the King around the same time in 1898.  In the mid 1800's in the United Kingdom there was a man-shortage. Around 20 percent of the women who were born about the same time as she never married. Not only that but the age of first marriage for women of her class had risen to 26 years old. But this isn't offered as an explanation for her resistance to marriage, which had been expected of her.  "She found the social ideal of women subjugating herself to a man in matrimony abhorrent." The Englishwoman's Review summed up her attitude perfectly when in its columns it averred that 'the higher a woman's nature is, the more likely it is that she will prefer to forgo marriage altogether, than surrender herself to a union that would sink her below her own ideal.' Because Agnes Keyser was wealthy she was never considered a social failure.

Furthermore, as a spinster, Agnes Keyser was far more independent than a married woman, being able to act as a trustee, an executrix, or an administratrix should she wish to, and to enjoy a franchise in parish matters.  Agnes Keyser became a member of the Victorian group of women who slowly developed new lifestyles which in time would influence all women. And as a terrible snob, Agnes intended to be somebody.  (Excerpts from page 45.)

The King had certainly no need of Agnes' money and she was not one to expect his financial support or generosity. But of course, what I do wonder, is if having two very different women in his life at the same time was necessary for the King to have all that he wanted and needed, if the two of them had qualities that balanced each other. For Agnes, if she thought of her as competition or not, the other woman was not the King's wife but Alice Keppel, a flamboyant personality who loved riches. Edward had been a Prince in waiting for the throne the majority of his life and his mother, Queen Victoria, was formidable. His wife, Princess Alexandra of Denmark, and he, had done their duty in bringing children into their world, but it was not a true love match. Divorce was impossible but who knows if Alexandra ever thought about it. She prevailed in the end having had the man in her life longer than any other woman.

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SLEEP WELL

  Daisy Greville loved animals and kept several including a white peacock.

DAISY GREVILLE COUNTESS OF WARWICK'S LAVISH BALL LEADS TO HER CONVERSION TO SOCIALISM

The Palace of Versailles party was highly criticized in a small newspaper called Clarion would lead to a sort of conversion for Daisy Greville.

Excerpt page 205: "Daisy's fancy dress all was hailed as a triumph. "The throng of splendidly gowned and costumed men and women in the setting of the noble rooms of the castle seemed at the time to make the gathering worthwhile.  Daisy recalled, arguing that not only had the ball been great fun, but she had provided employment for dozens of servants, dressmakers, musicians, caterers, and florists.  "I felt happy in the belief that our ball was giving work to so many people who would otherwise have been idle. The festivities of the Lords and Ladies Bountiful were being translated into terms of meat and bread for the workers....

But then she saw the article in Clarion in which she was accused of sham benevolence."  Today we would say she needed a wake up call or that she was clueless. She went to see the editor, Robert Blatchford.

Excerpt page 205 -206 : ... "Daisy was so infuriated by this article that she jumped out of bed and took the next train to London."

"And then Robert Blanchford told Daisy, as a socialist and democrat, what he thought of charity bazaars and ladies bountiful.  Blatchford made plain the difference between productive and unproductive labor, and said that labor used to produce finery was as much wasted as if it were used to dig holes i the ground and fill them up again.

By this new standard, Daisy came to understand that nine-tenths of the money spent on the Warwick ball had been wasted.  Such elementary economics as that the only useful labor was labor that produced useful articles, which in turn helped labor produce again was all new to her...."

When Daisy got back to Warwick Castle, the party was still going on.  But Blanchford had made his point. She ordered dozens of books on socialism and read them. She was converted to new notions about social justice. Financing a school for local children and a needlework business for local women were just some of her efforts.

Her private life still included the Prince. In 1897 she wrote to him that she was pregnant again but the affair had ended. The son she gave birth to was perhaps not the Prince's but that of her latest lover, Captain Joe Laycock of the Blues, who was one of the riches men in England and a war hero. Pregnant, she decided this time to have an abortion. It was a horror and she almost died of infection, but she recovered, only to become pregnant again at the age of forty-two. She gave birth to Laycock's child in 1904.

The Prince, of course, had other mistresses, notable were Agnes Keyser, and his last, Alice Keppel.  The Prince became King Edward VII at age 59, after the death of his mother, Queen Victoria. in 1901.

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Note: I personally think Banchford's thinking was extreme. I do see value in all labor including the expensive fashion and entertainments. Today many thousands of people are employed in those industries. It is mindful not to be wasteful but I dread to think what would happen if so very many were put out of work.

PEACOCK FEATHER FAN

 

THE BERESFORDS ATTEMPT TO PREVAIL OVER DAISY AND THE PRINCE BUT THEIR WARWICK TITLES WERE SOON RECIEVED : DAISY'S SPENDING IS OUT OF CONTROL

That passionate letter Daisy had once sent to her lover, the married Charles Beresford, continued to cause problems.

In 1891, Charlie Beresford threatened The Prince. If his wife, Mina, Lady Beresford, was not restored to her place in society, he would publish Daisy's letter. He was going to use the 19th century media. Beresford let the prime minister know this too. Would the prime minister tell the Prince what to do or would the Prince tell the prime minster? The prime minster was savvy. He said that the social laws of their class were such that it would not be appropriate for Charlie to disgrace his former mistress by making her affair with the Prince public.  Additionally, one had to consider what it would do to the Princess Alexandra if the public got a whiff of what her husband was up to.  Round and round it went, with Charlie expecting an apology to his wife, her reinstatement, and for Daisy to be banished for one year.

Frances Greville considered divorce but threw that idea out soon enough. She was "the devil he knew." In 1893 Frances Greville became the fifth Earl of Warwick and he and Daisy moved into Warwick Castle.

Excerpt page 201: ... "Daisy agreed to withdraw from court for a short period of time. This really was not much of a penance for Daisy; everybody loved her - with the exception of Mina - and as acknowledged mistress of the Prince of Wales, she could do as she please.  At this stage, Bertie's love for Daisy never faltered. The prince continued to write adoring letters to his "darling Daisywife." and Daisy continued to receive his attentions, recalling in late life that "he had manners and he was very considerate."

Daisy was still in trouble with her husband though. He had taken a decade or more of Daisy's unfaithful behavior at their family home, Easton Lodge. He knew a lot and he felt foolish. It wasn't that the Prince of Wales got the most attention from Daisy all those years, but that she had gone wild and had entertained many lovers there. She had also sold off the contents of Warwick Castle to continuing to finance her extravagant lifestyle!

She threw a party at Christmas time, before they moved into the Castle, in which she spared no expense for the children of their estate. Electric lights blazed, the tree was heavy with gifts. She gave fur-lined coats to servants and bags of toys to the children. Each member of her house party left with silverware and jewels. The Greville estate employed dozens who made their lives - and that of their many guests - comfortable and beautiful.

Excerpt pages 202-203

..."At five o'clock the fifty household servants left their duties in order to arrange themselves on either side of the ballroom, and the village children were ushered in. Behind the children came one hundred outside workmen, gamekeepers, woodman, gardeners, estate artisans, stablemen, and motormen....

Then, after the Grevilles had moved into the castle, Daisy threw another party, and this one was a ball with four hundred guests who wore eighteenth century court dress in the colors white and gold. She dressed as Queen Marie Antoinette. She had the castle remodeled and refurbished it so that the walls were hung with tapestries. Candles and chandeliers illuminated the party and white flowers such as lilies from France perfumed the air. In her way she was trying to make Warwick Castle into the Palace of Versailles for one night.

This party, which was highly criticized in a small newspaper called Clarion would lead to a sort of conversion for Daisy. Her kindness and over the top generosity was in place but she would begin to turn her attention to the poor and become a socialist!

Unlike some of the Royal mistresses we have learned about here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO, Daisy had a tremendous personal estate and was a member of the peerage. Her husband was also rich and they inherited a historic castle. It is unsaid, but it's also likely that the Prince gave her gifts such as jewelry. Perhaps beautiful Daisy simply had no idea what it was to live without, the way all those good people, though employed by her estate, had to.

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ELINOR GLYN RECALLED THE DAYS OF THE MARLBOROUGH HOUSE SET - THE GARDEN OF FRIENDSHIP : DAISY IS RECOGNIZED AS THE KING'S MISTRESS

Although he may have tolerated his wife's adultery with the future King, Prince Edward Albert, Daisy's husband, Frances Greville was one to play too.

Although Daisy, as mistress to the future King went here, there, everywhere with him and was not a secret to society or his wife, Princess Alexandra, they mostly met at Easton Lodge, Daisy's own fabulous estate.  

Excerpt pages 156-157 :

"... The gardens, with red deer in the distance beneath the shade of the ancient trees, were a favorite trysting place for Daisy's guests. One of these was young Elinor Glyn, last seen as a little girl on Jersey, hiding under the dressing table at Government House in order to spy on Lillie Langtry. Now a beautiful young woman in her own right, with green eyes and the "most beautiful red hair I have ever seen" Elinor had been taken up by daisy as something of a fellow spirit. Elinor had recently married one of Daisy's neighbors, an Essex landowner and barrister named Clayton Glyn, and settled in a nearby mansion named Sheerings.  As a young beauty, Elinor was receiving the cold shoulder from the ladies of the country set, who "had lost their complexions on the hunting field and started incredulously at her, as though nobody had a right to be as pretty as that. After meeting Elinor at a dismal hunt ball, Daisy immediately befriended her, and invited her and her husband to stay at Easton..."

Page 157 :  On the very first evening of Elinor's visit to Easton, Daisy's husband Brookie, invited Elinor to come and inspect "the rosarie," Daisy's newly planted rose garden. Elinor accepted the invitation, but the moment that they were alone Brookie seized her in his arms, embraced her passionately, and told her that she was, by far the loveliest rose in the garden. Elinor Screamed in horror and ran inside to report the incident to her husband.  When Elinor told Clayton that their host had made a pass at her, Clayton laughed out loud and exclaimed; "Did he, by Jove!  Good old Brookie'

.... Elinor later recorded her impression of Daisy and the astonishing and scandalous world of Easton, w world that would provide inspiration for the sensational romantic novels that were to make Elinor's fortune.

"No one who stayed at Easton ever forget their hostess and most of the men fell hopelessly in love with her," Elinor Recalled.

READING UNIVERSITY SPECIAL COLLECTIONS : AUTHOR SCREENWRITEELINOR GLYN

Excerpts: Elinor Glyn (1864-1943) was chiefly known for popular romantic fiction and for Hollywood film scripts. She specialized in romantic, often risqué, fiction and popularized the concept of the ‘It-girl’. She had a great influence on early twentieth century popular culture and the careers of several early Hollywood stars. ..... In 1919, she signed a contract with William Randolph Hearst’s International Magazine Company. She was brought over to the USA by Famous Players-Lasky Production Company to write screenplays. She also wrote for Cosmopolitan Magazine. The screenplay of her novel “It” helped her gain popularity as a screenwriter. In 1920, she moved to work in Hollywood where she became one of the most famous women screenwriters of the 1920s working with MGM and Paramount. She also had a brief career as one of the earliest female directors.

(It was Elinor who first came up with the notion of the "it girl" - the woman who has "it."

Missy here!

Daisy was also popular with her tenants and staff. She was considered to be kind and generous in her dealings with them. I think it's important to know that she had that character before she notoriously became a socialist. However, at this time in her life, about 1881, she still had Mina Beresford hating her and her husband was also tired of her behavior. 

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SEX ADDICTION : WHEN IS TOO MUCH TOO MUCH? : MISSY SPEAKS

I don't have the answer to that question. However, we can start with trying to define what sex addiction, which, in my opinion King Edward VII, once the Prince of Wales, had is.  Using Google AI, here is the consensus:

The official clinical term is CSBD = Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder. Classification: ICD-11 classifies it as an impulse-control disorder, not a chemical addiction.

"What it is NOT: The American Psychiatric Association (APA) did not include "sex addiction" in the DSM-5, although they recognize similar behaviors under "other specified sexual dysfunction".

Key Symptoms: Inability to control intense sexual impulses, engaging in sexual behavior despite negative consequences (e.g., relationship, financial, health issues), and using sexual acts to cope with stress or trauma.

Synonyms used: Hypersexuality, hypersexual disorder, or sexual dependence."

Let's say you are partnered and personal's involved have no complaints. Then probably we can say it's not too much (or too little.) 

Sometimes, however, incapability means that one or all go "outside the primary relationship." I have no way of knowing how often it is that a man has a mistress for this reason. I know that the notion that sex is the primary reason a man does have a wife and a mistress is a stereotype. I also know that some people have open relationships or otherwise knowingly allow or condone sexuality outside of the primary partnership. It's just that, as I see it, relationships are relationships because there is not just sexual motivation - more is going on there. 

I once had a man friend who had almost no sex with another person for years but, today, I would consider him a sex addict simply because of the relentless hunt for the woman or women he actually felt attracted to went on and on. Sometimes you can be friends with someone - good and close friends - for years and not know what they are all about in their very private life. You're friends and it's not part of your relationship maybe, certainly not essential. Then, you slowly begin to realize something or maybe someone else gives you a clue. 

Celibacy is a good choice for some people for various reasons. Fantasy may be healthy and a substitute for womanizing and may be about avoiding actually hurting real women without care or concern. (This was one of the reasons he said he was so careful to date but not jump into intimacy.) However, in this case, I was finally clued in, here and there, that my friend had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which had gotten worse with age. His own family and friends he had known years longer than I had, understood that. I would say that his parents had the responsibility and opportunity to get him to a doctor but they were codependent. Today I'm able to play armchair psychiatrist and "diagnose" my old friend; I still hesitate. I think that OCD, untreated, in his case, ties in with CSBD.

He married eventually, finding a woman of another race attractive, which I have no problem with but find interesting, considering how many women he passed by who were truly interested in him and attractive. It's my great hope that they love each other and have an excellent relationship. Perhaps she had the influence that I, as a friend, did not. Maybe she got him to the doctor and he's on some meds. For I fail to understand how falling in love and marrying can resolve years of hunting and fantacizing.

Missy

AFAR

 

EDWARD ALBERT PRINCE OF WALES INTERCEEDS IN THE DAISY GREVILLE - MINA AND CHARLES BERESFORD SCANDAL

Edward Albert, Prince of Wales, paid a visit to the lawyer that Mina Beresford had hired to negotiate for her and her marriage.

The lawyer was impressed that the Prince himself had paid him a home visit - even thought he'd arrived in the wee hours of the night. He, unprofessionally, showed the Prince the letter Daisy Warwick had written to Charlie Beresford. The Prince ordered him to destroy the letter but this lawyer wasn't going to act that unprofessionally...

Instead he suggested he ask his client if he could destroy it. Was he joking? Mina stood her ground unwilling to bend to the Prince's will. That made him furious.  So, what he decided to do was to return to Mina and ask her if she would be willing to destroy the letter on one condition.  Daisy would be banned from London for the entire social season.

Missy here!  I have to say that this might have been an excellent and fair solution. Though society would undoubtedly know why, and Daisy might suffer socially, it was only one season.

 

The solution infuriated Daisy. The Prince, now fallen in love with Daisy, tried one more time. This time he suggested that if Mina would not destroy the letter and forget the whole thing, that by his orders she, not Daisy, would suffer the ostracism and give up her own position in society. She refused to change her mind.  Charlie had also tried to persuade his wife to give up and destroy Daisy's letter. 

Excerpt page 152: ... "As one of the offending parties, Charlie had kept a low profile, hoping that the problem would just resolve itself. But now, upon hearing rumors that Bertie had stollen Daisy away from him, Charlie cast aside all attempts at diplomacy.  Due to set said on the HMS Undaunted, Charlie demanded to see Bertie immediately, and have the matter out once and for all. The two men argues. In the end the Beresfords lost because they did not comply with Edward Albert. He demanded of their set that they not be invited to any event that they invited him to. They were dropped from society. Meanwhile Mina's lawyer was knighted.

By now Daisy Greville Countess of Warwick and Edward Albert Prince of Wales had become lovers. Charlie Beresford knew it too. Daisy had lost at love, had to give up this great love affair of hers, and now she was one of the mistresses of the future King. She became the star of the house parties and her husband had no choice but to accept or retreat.  Over time he would retreat.

Excerpts Pages 154-155:

 ... "This was a world that Daisy adored, and she played the role of mistress to perfection, accompanying Bertie to balls, receptions, country house parties, and horse racing at Ascot, Goodwood, and Epsom.  The correspondent of The World magazine, craning her neck to see Daisy at the opera with Bertie, described, a 'goddess whose fame had penetrated even to the dim recesses of the placid country, her profile was turned away from an inquisitive world, but I made out a rounded figure, diaphanously draped, and a brilliant, haughty, beautiful countenance." the diaphanous fabric became Daisy's signature look, a fittingly classical style to show off her superb figure to its uttermost....."

... "Daisy and Bertie's affair was conducted against the backdrop of London society, and the stately homes of England, particularly Daisy's own Easton Lodge."

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I WILL NEVER TELL

 

PRINCE EDWARD ALBERT EXPECTED AND GOT DAISY GREVILLE COUNTESS OF WARWICK AS A MISTRESS

Charlie Beresford had one of those "long suffering" wives - Mina.

Like many women of their set, Mina expected her husband to stay with her, no matter what.  But Charlie, was reported in the  London gossip columns as "Bewitched" by Daisy Greville. "Within three years of Daisy's marriage, they were lovers, much to poor Mina's consternation."

Excerpts Pages 148-149 : "Daisy had fallen spectacularly in love, despite the fact that Charlie was fifteen years older. Charlie Beresford was a celebrity, with is irrepressible high spirits, his war record, and the charm that preceded hi into the room; it was said you heard the voice before you saw the man.  Their affair unfolded with the momentum of an Elinor Glyn story, and with a conclusion more astonishing than anything that the romantic novelist could have imagined.

As we have seen, Daisy was accustomed to getting her own way. So it was that one morning, while the Beresfords were staying at Easton Lodge, Daisy strode into Mina's bedroom and told her that she was planning to desert Brookie abandoned their three children, and elope with Charlie.  Mina's response to this extraordinary disclosure was measured.  Mustering all the hauteur of which she was capable, Mina retorted that "the circumstances of the affair" were already well known to society, and that she had no intention of relinquishing her husband. More significantly, Mina said that she was not prepared to sacrifice her husband's career on such an insane scheme and she was taking Charlie home immediately.

If Daisy was devastated by this outcome, it came as something of a relief to Charlie Beresford.  Charlie's infatuation with Daisy was fading fast, and any lingering sentiments he may have had were destroyed by Mina's allegations that Daisy was "not content with his attentions alone." Charlie seemed anxious to move on and consign his relationship with Daisy to the past."

Daisy did not give up, after all she was in love.  In 1886 Mina was pregnant. Daisy raged. She felt betrayed by Charlie. She went against the rule that affairs in the Marlborough set were all right so long as lovers were discreet.  That her behavior had been noted in the gossip columns went against that rule but, worse, she sent a furious letter to Charlie. She wanted Charlie to leave Mina and join her on the Riviera, France. And Daisy also claimed that he was the father of her oldest daughter, Marjorie.

Charlie was not the one to open that letter and read it.  Mina was. She went to a top lawyer in London with it.  He needed to keep whatever machinations occurred out of court. In other words the lawyer was going to have to solicit an agreement, not a divorce. Mina was actually showing more gumption and power than any ordinary woman at that time dare have. She was fighting for her marriage which was, of course, entwinned with her wealth and reputation, her place in high society.

Daisy demanded the letter back...

Excerpt Page 150-151

"Infuriated by the machinations of these irritating wives and pettifogging lawyers who stood in her way, and facing the prospect of ruin if the matter became public, Daisy realized that there was only one person she could turn to. Only one man had the power, the contacts, and the chivalry to come to the aid of this damsel in distress; Bertie, the Prince of Wales. Daisy was by now on good terms with Bertie, dined regularly with him, and had met him at Ascot and Goodwood. More significantly \, Daisy was aware that Bertie was sympathetic and wise, concerning affairs of the heart.  Confident that Bertie would act on her behalf, Daisy wrote to the prince and asked if he would see her.

Bertie responded immediately. ...

... "As she sat in front of his desk, Daisy found that Bertie was looking at her "in a way all women understand."

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DAISY FORGET ME NOT

 

FRANCES EVELYN MAYNARD WAS NICKNAMED DAISY AS A BEAUTIFUL GIRL : AS A MARRIED WOMAN SHE ENTERED THE DANCE OF ROMANTIC AFFAIRS : SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH LORD CHARLES BERESFORD

In the passages below, please note that the future King Edward VII, is known as Prince Edward Albert - the Prince of Wales. Daisy's husband, Francis Greville, Lord Brooke (later the 5th Earl of Warwick) is known as Brookie. Bertie is the nickname that Queen Victoria called her husband, Prince Albert.

Daisy errored when she went and fell in love with Lord Charles Beresford.

She was a tomboy, but she grew into her femininity and was a sought after bride. She had personal riches, beauty, spirit, and loved to hunt but thought of fishing and shooting as dull. Soon, she and her husband would be socializing with the Royals, the Peerage, and soon she would find her husband, Francis Greville, Lord Brooke (later the 5th Earl of Warwick) dull too.

From the Chapter of Catherine Arnold's book called The Heart Has Its Reasons: Page 146-147

"From the start of her married life, Daisy regularly witnessed the courtly dance of romantic affairs played out against the backdrops of grand country houses, and longed to be part of it, regardless of Brookie's feelings.  It seems to have been a certain acceptance on Brookie's part that Daisy was a force of nature who made her own rules....."

....."It was in this milieu, as a married woman, that Daisy saw exactly how her contemporaries conducted their affairs.  Indeed, it appeared to Daisy that an affair was almost de rigueur, as long as both parties remained discreet.  Unfortunately, discretion was one quality of which Daisy was almost entirely devoid.

Determined to have a little fun of her own, and realizing that country house weekends were the ideal opportunity to bag a lover, Daisy began to cast around for a suitable man for the role. But finding the right individual proved to be more difficult than Daisy expected....

Daisy witnessed one man she was interested in going off with Lillie Langtry... And she did meat Prince Edward Albert, the Prince of Wales, at various society events such as balls and had danced with him and talked with him, but he was involved with Mrs. Cornwallis-West at the time.

"Having provided Brookie with three children, Daisy succeeded in sticking to her marriage vows, despite her headstrong and impulsive character, until the fateful day when she met Lord Charles Beresford. A close friend of the Prince of Wales, Charlie Beresford was the practical joker who had turned off the oxygen in Louis Battenberg's cabin while he was belowdecks "inspecting the facilities" with Lillie Langtry."

Excerpt page 148 : "Lord Charles Beresford (1848-1919) was Berties' former navel aide-de-camp, a decorated war hero, and fourth lord of the admiralty...  By the age of thirty-seven, Charlie Beresford was as outrageous as ever, much to the discomfort of his wife, Mina. Older than Charlie, and physically unprepossessing, Mina had resorted to cosmetics to improve her appearance.  This included false eyelashes, one of which was ripped off by a child who mistook it for a butterfly.  Exposing a nasty streak, Daisy took great pleasure in humiliating Mina....."

Mina would soon enough fight to keep her marriage and prove to be an excellent enemy to Daisy. To do so, to create peace and help Mina preserve her marriage, Prince Edward Albert himself would get involved. However, there would be a price to be paid by Daisy, her husband, and Charlie and his wife, Mina, too.

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