Showing posts with label adultery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adultery. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 29, 2026

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE KEPT? A COURTESAN? A MISTRESS? TO HAVE A HIGH COURTESAN ASPECT TO YOUR PERSONALITY?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE KEPT?  A COURTESAN?  A MISTRESS?  TO HAVE A HIGH COURTESAN ASPECT TO YOUR PERSONALITY?  MISSY SPEAKS!

When you write a blog called Mistress Manifesto for several years as I've been doing, you wrangle with the question of what it means to be Kept, or what if any difference there is between a Courtesan and a Mistress!  When I profile Dally the Tall I have no doubt that she was a Courtesan because of the times that she lived in as well as the high art of her presentation and personality and the limitations of her ambitions. 


In other cases I'm not so sure.

Of the three words, I think the one the media overuses and uses incorrectly is Mistress.  A woman in any old affair, even if it was just one night, can be called a Mistress in the media if the man she's involved with is married. (For instance, I don't think the once playful Monica Lewinsky was ever President Bill Clinton's mistress and I would never apply that word to Marilyn Monroe, as confused as she was, though I think both women had a high courtesan aspect to their personalities.) Now that there are so many people who consider themselves committed living apart or who never marry legally, the question of ADULTERY as a key to Mistresshood doesn't count so much. Some relationships are so OPEN that Mistressing seems to be downright OLD FASHIONED, what with all that sneaking around!

Mistress is also used to imply that a person is a dominatrix, or at least powerful in the classroom as a teacher or as the owner of independent estate. I'm sure some people have been looking for a dominatrix when they happened upon my blog! I note that in this case the MISTRESS IS POWERFUL and IN CHARGE. Since so many women are not powerful or in charge this mistress can become quite the fantasy for women, especially because she does this and is still feminine though not weak.

So then we look at what it means to be KEPT and that word seems to imply CONCUBINAGE!  When we say someone is KEPT there are always financial implications, like that the person does not work for pay at anything and are totally dependent on someone else for their needs. It is the financial evidence that we are looking for and it's the financial evidence that makes the news and pushes previously low key mistresses into the public eye.

This one is tricky too because not so long ago most MARRIED WOMEN WERE KEPT WOMEN.  They stayed in the home and were "home-makers" or their work was as mothers and wives but they did not go out and earn any pay.  As married women they were respected for this, even honored.  These days most women work or if they are living off savings, an inheritance, or unexpected windfall, they write a novel or do volunteer work.  These days most women do not want to ask a husband for money to buy everything they want or need. They don't want to go behind his back or be tricky to buy a new dress.  They are almost embarrassed to let a man pay for everything on a date.  They are trying to prove to a man that they do not need him or that they are not less than him, at least not less than him financially.  "I don't need you!" she seems to be saying.

With the financial dependence most often for women that means she is COMMITTED TO HIM and their RELATIONSHIP even if he is not so much to her.  Such a woman may decide to not date others or have sex with others even when he has not given her such a commitment.  (It is my suspicion that this was the case with poor L'Wren Scott.)


The ability to admit to need and the willingness to allow someone else to help them financially without embarrassment or apology is where today's Kept Woman or Mistress or Courtesan prevails. This is also an old fashioned aspect of relationship with so much opportunity for independence today. It can even be an act of great self esteem and self acceptance to admit to someone that yes you can accept their generosity and no you are not an opportunist or user. You will really appreciate it.  And do well with it.

Another way to find meaning in these words is in the personality of a person.

What does it mean to have a High Courtesan Aspect to your personality? 

Why are people who have this so appealing to other people? 

Well, people with this aspect to their personality know how to have fun. They can be silly or sweet. They can be childlike and have wonder about the world even as they get older and older. They know how to seize the moment or the day. They see the beauty in things and they make themselves and their surroundings beautiful. They are apt to be a little too forgiving and to make excuses for people and to keep things light. This light heartedness is contagious. They are apt to see the glass half full rather than half empty. They can't stay mad for too long.  They give perceptive and sincere compliments. 

There is a certain happiness to being able to make do, to invent. Even when they can't afford a decorator their pillows are fluffed and there are guest soaps in the bathroom.

When things are going badly they get up and do the next day anyway, because they have faith that change is inevitable but it will all turn out well enough. 


Often they are the ones who make things happen for others, the job interviews, the dinner parties, the group to the opera, the event at the museum, or the little gift they picked up for you at a garage sale that is just perfect!

Missy

C 2012 - 2026  Missy Rapport/ Mistress Manifestto.blogspot.com  2014  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights   First published June 24, 2014


Wednesday, July 22, 2026

GLORIA SWANSON and JOE KENNEDY : THE WAY THEY WERE

 He was married with many children, she was married with two.

Excerpt page 194 : Gloria was very much one of Hollywood's own, and honored player of the movie colony's most popular pastime, a party-giving and party-goi9ng, but Joe was not.  His Catholicism and Boston sense of propriety prevented him from a too ostentatious display of his double existence  Though many in Hollywood would later make the comparison, Gloria and Joe were no Marion Davies - William Randolph Hearst twosome who flaunted their liaison.

For one thing, Gloria and Joe were both married with children. She was no starlet looking for  a sugar daddy; he, no elderly tycoon hopelessly in love with a chorus girl. She saw in him someone who was plainly going far, and she fell in love with his business savvy and can-do openness. He was the one man in her life she trusted when it came to money. To him, she was one of the most desirable women, one of the symbols he had grappled with all the way up from East Boston  He fell in love with a woman who was everything Rose was not.  Gloria was, first of all, fame --- a woman whose public personality spoke to people of golden youth and glitter.  To discover that she was also a creature of shadows was part of his lover's ecstasy. She was a woman of her own means, self-confident and elusive, possessed of a dignity that was both paralyzing and magnificent. In their intimacy, she was almost tomboyish --- terse and disarming.  Fun, too.

Excerpt pages 194-195 :

Smitten with her from the first meeting at the Savoy Plaza (Palm Beach - Florida) two months earlier --- with the idea of her as well as the fact --- he was not only giving her advice but smothering her with attention.  He loved uncovering the Gloria Swanson millions would never know --- the quiet, slightly weary person with soft hair and a dark, husky voice so different from the screen image, the woman who boasted that she'd never been kept.  None of her homes, he happily discovered, was a place into which friends casually dripped.....

They made love at his place. Here, he was in control of comings and goings of staff and underlings. On Crescent Drive (Beverly Hills), her waking hours were a series of disturbances by butler and maids, secretaries and assistants, and her moods ran in channels dammed up by her staff.  On Rodeo Drive (Beverly Hills - his place) order flowed effortless from the master.

Excerpt page 209 :

...When he had a moment alone with Gloria, he called her the most desirable woman, held her gaze with his electric blue stare, and said he couldn't wait to take her out that evening. She told him they had to be reasonable; they couldn't be seen together.  "We're business associates," he grinned.

"Business is done in the daytime if both associates are married," she said.
If you want to know the slightly more scintillating details - not pornographic but - certainly get yourself a copy of this book.|

In this passage, we note that Gloria Swanson had never been kept and was proud of that, as a woman who had earned her own for years. All Mistresses are not Kept, and all adulterers are not Mistresses, and so here we go again trying to define Mistress. It is the nature of the relationship that defines it, I believe, but in popular thought it's all about money and sex, as if love doesn't count.

Gloria Swanson's husband Henri moved into an affair with actress Constance Bennet.

Missy

C 2026 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.

Monday, July 20, 2026

GLORIA SWANSON AND THE "BANKER" JOE KENNEDY : HE DID HIS RESEARCH AND WAS INTENT ON SEDUCING HER ... SHE LET HIM ...

Not only because he desired Gloria Swanson as a woman, but because he wanted this actress, perhaps the most famous and successful in the silent film era, to work for his studio and make money together.

Joseph P. Kennedy was the youngest bank president in the United States in 1914 when he was only twenty-five years old.  He had graduated from Harvard and was vividly aware of the discrimination against Catholics and the Irish. He went on to make a fortune in the stock market, and in real estate, and he wanted to add a Hollywood studio and movie making to his wealth portfolio. Though he had many a success in business, reading Axel Madsen's account, I couldn't help but think that he was overly confident that he could also succeed in Hollywood. He went after Gloria Swanson in a manner that would suggest that he had done some research and knew that she was in debt because of her own efforts to produce her own movies.

It's easy to vilify Kennedy but it would also seem that Gloria Swanson didn't resist his seduction.
Circa 1928  Joseph P. Kennedy invited Gloria Swanson and her husband Henri de la Falaise to come to Palm Beach, Florida, where he'd bought a house for his family. He was welcoming and so was Palm Beach society. Calling cards, invitations, parties in her honor, teas, receptions, and business meetings too. He was very proud of knowing her.  He also endeavored to get Henri out of the way. 
 
Excerpt pages 174-175: 

In retrospect, Gloria would remember the tact with which Joe made the offer that could make her husband distinct his own man and, if Henri was clever, rich as well. In her autobiography, her smile o gratitude to Joe when the two men came to a quick verbal agreement immediately precedes her account of how the next day she and Joe tumbled into bed. Her indebtedness to Joe no doubt softened, in her own eyes, the adultery that, since the kiss on the train, she knew was inevitable. In a reversal of the story of the biblical David, who sent Uriah into the most dangerous part of the battle so he could possess Bathsheba, Joe was ready to heap gold on the man he wanted to cuckhold.

Kennedy biographers would wax saucily on how Joe eliminated, with some permanence, the coveted movie queen's husband, but neither Gloria nor the Kennedy memorialists could explain how Joe was able to offer Henri a Pathe directorship in January when he didn't become a Pathe advisor until February. Gloria was, of course, writing for posterity, and by having Joe's generosity and Henri's opportunism preceded her surrender, she softened her image...

Henri would leave no memoirs of his own, and we can only speculate on whether it all passed over his head or whether he knew he was defeated and went for the proffered brass ring. ... he might have been the first to sense he was on a sinking ship and that his wife's impending adultery set him free, morally, to concentrate on enriching himself.

Joe's infatuation was hard to ignore. Others saw how he was dazzled and drawn by Gloria's presence, how his own success - Palm Beach, Gloria, the lot - all made him live beyond the rules, how she exerted an attraction that went beyond physical beauty.


Excerpt page 193 : ... (Circa 1928) ... (Joseph P. Kennedy) took over Gloria's life.  He arranged everything, including Henri's departures. The lovers had two distinct lives: one with each other when Henri was in France, another when the marquis was in town. Joe arranged his own existence so as to be in Hollywood when Henri was not and in the east when Gloria's husband was home.

C 2026 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.

Sunday, May 17, 2026

HAVE YOU MET HIS WIFE? MISSY ASKS YOU!


She's THE OTHER WOMAN in your life too, and she may know about you... My question for you mistresses out there is HAVE YOU MET HER?

Missy

Friday, October 17, 2025

ABORTION IN THE TIME OF NORA MAY FRENCH : AMERICA AT THE EARLY 20th CENTURY

CRIME READS - NORA MAY FRENCH - GILDED EDGE   

This essay, entitled 'Reclaiming the Legacy of Nora May French, the Pioneering Poet Made Into A Femme Fatale By Mediocre Men and California Mythology, is by Catherine Prendergast, author of 'The Gilded Edge."

Nora's second abortion was by pill bought over the counter. Her boyfriend was the married Harry Lafler (Henry Anderson Lafler). She wrote him a letter as the abortion pill began to take effect. 

Excerpt : Her parcel of pills still unopened, Nora sat in the kitchen and read the letter from Harry. It was everything she had hoped it would be, sweet and passionate. She felt her will, so resolute earlier that evening, begin to falter. She tried to imagine a life with Harry and a child: Harry, walking their unfinished floor at 3:00 a.m., rocking their baby to sleep in his arms as she dozed. A beautiful baby perhaps with Harry’s dark wavy hair but her own spooky eyes. She and Harry could be like Dante and Elizabeth Rossetti, living for beauty and art, while their child rambled happily around the house.

It didn’t take long for this fantasy to collapse. Harry Lafler was still a married man, and despite his promises, Nora did not believe his separation from his wife would ever progress to divorce. In truth, she wasn’t even sure if she wanted it to. She and Harry were bound by passion and recklessness, not responsibility and reality. She was his carefree muse, something ethereal and magical, not an ordinary woman who could get in ordinary trouble. He would recoil from the sight of a swollen belly and bolt from the rigors of fatherhood. She would be left raising a baby on her own—a complete disaster. Even if in 1907 women worked outside the home, rode bicycles, and published poetry, nobody looked favorably on an unwed mother and her bastard. Her child would be seen not as the product of love but rather as the punishment for sin.

Monday, October 6, 2025

NORA MAY FRENCH : THE SPINSTER POET IN CALIFORNIA : RETIRED BRITISH ARMY CAPTAIN HILEY AND NORA HAVE AN AFFAIR AND SHE BECOMES PREGNANT


Excerpt page 57: (After Nora called off her engagement in 1904)

At the age of twenty-three, Nora embraced spinsterhood with enthusiasm. Freedom from marriage was freedom to live one's own life. She would devote herself to her writing. No more light ditties like the "Ode on Aunt E.'s Bloomer Bathing Costume," which had made Helen (her sister) laugh for hours. No more stories to distract the readers of the Sunday Los Angeles Times. She would focus only on poetry and set goals to challenge herself. That year she published four poems in Lummis's journal but decided to shoot for journals with more national reach. In March, her poem "In Empty Courts" appeared in The Smart Set: A Magazine of Cleverness. A new publication out of New York, The Smart Set's circulation had shot up to well over one hundred thousand in four short years buy printing national names like Jack London.

About a man's inconsistent attention, in "Empty Courts" has been inspired buy a muse of sorts who had recently entered her life. Captain Alan Hiley had two main qualities that recommended him. He was already married, and he lived far away, in Santa Cruz. A tall, handsome timber magnate and retired British Army captain, Hiley considered himself an established author who had published his memoir of distinguished service in the War. They had met at a poetry ready (Hileys wife was also a poet( and started an on-and-off affair.

On the weekends, Hiley sailed down the coast on a yacht to take Nora to dinner in fine restaurants.  He asked her about poetry though she noticed he rarely listened to her answers....


Nora decided that she could not give in to Hiley's charms and fought her attraction to him.

Excerpt page 59: (As Nora became pregnant)

They debated too long what to do. He would leave his wife. Of course he would. Then, no, a divorce would take too long and be too public. In her distress, she made the dreadful mistake of telling Helen everything. Helen, scandalized, was even more distraught than Nora. She must get Hiley to marry her, Helen counseled, or the whole family would be ruined.

But marriage was not in the cards. Instead, the eminently respectable Captain Alan Richard Hiley secured a doctor and money enough to pay him. What at first had seemed to Nora like a vexing process - coming to the decision, finding the willing physician - turned out to be the easy part compared to what came next. She experienced the procedure itself as a surreal horror, the doctor's cold, pointed, metal tolls contrasting with the soft warm of her flesh mingled with that of the fetus. Only partially sedated during it all, she glanced down and saw the aftermath.

This was Nora's first known abortion and, because she did not take the pills or potions advertised, I have this feeling she might have been further along in the pregnancy than a woman could consider to be "delayed menses." Additionally, it seems to me that, after such a horror, a woman would seek to use contraception. Maybe she did. And it failed.

Excerpt page 80 : (The aftermath of the abortion)

She couldn't exactly say when Harry Lafler became so much a part of her emotional life. Right after her mother died in July, she had sent a poem to The Argonaut, where Harry was serving as editor. He accepted her poem, and their correspondence quickly became romantic. They fell in love through words.

How perfect, she thought, that the body was not there to intervene. Since the abortion she had a nickname for herself : the "Hands Off" girl. Except for a date here and there, she kept men at arm's length - especially Alan Hiley, who in an irritating reversal now wanted to marry her...

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto
All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

Thursday, October 2, 2025

BOHEMIAN POET NORA MAY FRENCH : AN EARLY 20th CENTURY LOVE GONE WRONG STORY OF MONTEREY CALIFORNIA : THE CYANIDE LOVE TRIANGLE



NORA MAY FRENCH
 1881-1907
photo from Wikipedia
identified as Nora May French as photographed by Arnold Genthe


The Gilded Edge by Catherine Prendergast is a primary reference for this month's posts.

Was it actually a LOVE TRIANGLE? 

I think the subtitle of 'The Gilded Edge' which is 'Two Audacious Women and the Cyanide Love Triangle That Shook America' is a bit unfair. 

The three persons were: Nora May French, a turn-of-the-century poet who was talented and esteemed, but who seems to have disappeared from American Literature, and a young woman though she had emerged as a brilliant poet before her death. Carrie Sterling, married to George Sterling, whose own ambitions were not literary but who, through her husband, met and tangled with some of those, such as writer Jack London, who the Literary Canon well knows, as well as their women. Carrie often played hostess and was the wife who would stick with a bad marriage for a long time since there was social status to be mindful of. George Sterling, who was instrumental in the establishment of Carmel as an artists colony through his role as real estate agent, but who would much rather have made his living as a poet himself; My take on George is that he was alcoholic and a womanizer and not all that well psychologically. But was Nora May French to blame? 

George went out of his way to try to convince people to move to Carmel, a small town in the Monterey Bay, south of San Francisco. He encouraged group photos that made some of these artists and writers look cozy and implied they were moving there or buying real estate as a marketing strategy but not the whole truth. The big names never bought in and he struggled for acceptance by them in part because his talent as a poet never equaled theirs. History may be a bit more fair to the struggling George than this author, for he was a founder of the Bohemian Club, which is now the notorious Bohemian Grove.

These three people were not in a triad and they did not commit suicide together, but I bet because of the title of the book you thought so.
 Although it's complicated, I wasn't convinced that the suicide of Nora or that of George's wife, Carrie, or the eventual suicide of George was entirely motivated by relationship frustration or loss of love. Rather it was also about money - the natural need for it in this material world - and especially so for women at a time when few could support themselves; imagine any poet at any time thinking their poetry would bring in money enough. George Sterling was a founder of the Bohemian Club which endures to this day as the Bohemian Grove, but he eventually went broke.

To her credit, author Catherine Prendergast, did some difficult investigative research to bring us Nora May French, who did indeed commit suicide by cyanide in 1907, and whose poetry - and very mood - inspired copycat suicides! We know that because some of those who commit suicide did so with copies of her poetic verses on them!

Nora's end at the age of twenty-six made her infamous. Headlines remarked on her talent and beauty, calling her witty, spirited, and talented. So the media as it existed decades ago implied there was not just a shame but a mystery. There was a lot of blaming among the men who had affairs with her and it seems Nora was pregnancy prone too.

Why is so little about Nora May French preserved?  Was it because of her sad end or because she was a woman? Prendergast sees the difficulty in this research a problem of sexism. 

As I read this book from cover to cover, I couldn't help but think about the way marriage was about the only way a woman could survive back in the day. Nora May French was not the first or last woman to ever have sex before marriage or an affair with a married man/men, but she needed marriage. Society was not set up for most women to be independent of men or to earn their own money and support themselves and Nora's experience with paid employment was unfulfilling and exhausting. What any woman with creative talent, such as a writer who needed to write, was a patron or a husband rich enough to support her so she would not have to work for income herself and could keep writing. He had to be the type who didn't want a conventional wife and be someone who loved the arts and might find some prestige in having a poet as a wife..

Was Nora so foolish to have sex without marriage and also not have used contraception?  Was that "Bohemian" of her? We don't know if she had access to contraception or not. This story includes abortion. At this time in the United States when abortion rights have been cut in some states, I think about how hard it is was to be a woman with no financial support when a having and raising a child born outside of marriage. The child would be as socially unacceptable as its mother.

Nora had two abortions unmarried, at a time when a woman might, with the right connections to the right doctor, have a "therapeutic" abortion at a hospital, or brew an herbal potion that would cause miscarriage, or understand that some over-the-counter women's remedies sold at the pharmacy were intended to do the same. One was a surgical horror and the other by pills. In both cases she risked not only the ruin of her reputation but that of her family. It seems she very well may have been pregnant again when she suicided.

Nora May French came from a "good" family with ties to some historical persons such as a founder of the Wells Fargo Bank on her mother's side. However, it seems that her father, the son of an Illinois governor, experienced some failures, possibly embezzling money while at a job at a college and, with drought and a stock market crash in 1893, the family fell into poverty quickly. Nora was sent to live with a relative (ironically named Uncle Cash) who might have led her to a good marriage. She lived with him in New York and he sent her to the Art Students League but she had a indiscretion with a man and was sent home. She became the black sheep of her family.

Though she might be on the marriage market without a dowry or any expectation of an inheritance, while working as a seamstress - a lowly profession - in a leather factory, she did promise to marry a young man. 

Excerpt page 54: " ... Working in a leather factory had taken its toll on her body and spirit, Her fingers had grown dull from working the needle into the leather, her eyes strained in the low light, and she found herself too tired at night to think of lifting a pen. Her mind began to slow down, sitting among women who had nothing better to talk about than when they would get married and leave. One morning she woke up and realized that she had become one of them. She couldn't wait to get married and leave.  (Note that she was sewing leather gloves.)

Then Lee proposed. At first, she hesitated She told him everything about herself, how she was happiest wandering in the woods, how she lived to write poems, and how she would never be just an ordinary girl, if that was what he wanted..."

The engagement brought her back into approval of Uncle Cash who sent a money present and her parents relaxed that she would have a husband. However, Lee soon complained of how much time she spent writing and reminded her to prepare to be a wife and mother such as learning to cook. Female relatives of his also pressured her to conform.

In 1904, a month before the wedding, she broke the engagement. At the age of twenty-three she decided she may as well be a spinster. She sent her work out and her poetry was published in newspapers and literary journals. Nora gained a literary reputation. 


Once on the West Coast, a little older but still in her twenties, and already a published poet, Nora was involved in the Bohemian lifestyle, perhaps an experimental lifestyle at best, in which artists, writers sought a break from convention. That said, she got involved with married men and doing so did not prevent her from having sex or heartbreaks.

There was also another man who was interested in marriage with her for a while - or so it was discussed when she became pregnant - retired British Army Captain Alan Hiley of Santa Cruz, California, who was married, and a muse.

She had to live with someone, if not her sister who did not like San Francisco, then a couple such as Carrie and George Sterling. George was connected to the Bohemian lifestyle of San Francisco and also the founding of the Bohemian Club, now called The Bohemian Grove. Instead of just staying  as a house guest of the Sterlings until she married, the end of another opportunity for marriage turned her into more of a permanent guest. It was there at their house that she took the poison.

While Nora did have an affair with George, and he mourned her, he was not her only man.  And while she did use pills to miscarry, she did not take her life immediately after that. Nor was Nora the womanizing George's only affair while married. Carrie Sterling had lost any expectation that her husband would be entirely devoted or satisfied with her. Carrie had thought her marriage to George was advantageous and had to have been disappointed in his character.

Nora commit suicide in 1907 by cyanide.
Carrie commit suicide in 1918 by cyanide.
George commit suicide in 1926 by cyanide.

These suicides were years apart. I just can't call this a love triangle and am not convinced Nora was the reason for the suicides of Carrie or George.

For me, the story of the San Francisco Earthquake of 1906, when estimates are that up to 80% of that city was destroyed, and the resulting influx of refugees into Monterey, and how that influenced the real estate sales was of interest too. People were, like today's homeless, living in tents with their families, sometimes in the backyards of relatives or friends. 

Which brings up my question about Carmel-By-The-Sea and just how "Bohemian" and unconventional it was. You don't have to be artistic or "Bohemian" to be unhappily married or to commit adultery or to have affairs these days. Rather I think the people in this book were stuck in their circumstances including class and status expectations that they be married. Then, there is always the issue of money.


C 2025 Mistress Manifesto 
All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

Saturday, August 2, 2025

MONICA LEWINSKY : A SURVIVOR WHO IS MOVING FORWARD and STILL EVOLVING

This month is dedicated to  MONICA LEWINSKY - A Survivor Who Is Moving Forward and Still Evolving.

In March 2012 I dedicated a month to Monica with my introductory post title GET OFF THE BACK OF MONICA LEWINSKY - Why Not Blame President Bill Clinton? I elected Monica to MISTRESS MANIFESTO here because it just was never fair that she took the brunt of the revelation that she had an affair with the President William Jefferson Clinton and she has suffered criticism and blame for years since. She was never a Mistress, and she isn't the first woman to have an affair with a married man, but is one of the few who became part of history - 20th Century history - because of it.

Some of the issues for all of us that come up with the scandal that hurt her, beginning when she was just twenty-four years old, include women's sexuality, power-over (an authority figure with responsibilities taking advantage of an underling), and the betrayal of a "friend" (Linda Tripp) pretending to have our best interest in mind - and pretending to be a person who one can confide in - and have that information used against us.

It is now 2025, Monica is much older (51ish) and wiser than when she was an intelligent college girl who was hired to be a White House Intern, and who had the possibility of a dazzling future career ahead of her. She has had to find her way through one obstacle after another. Monica is still evolving.  

MONICA SAMILLE LEWINSKY

1974- Present

Note: The photo of Monica is from her government ID photo by the Office of the Secretary of Defense, taken in May 1997, originally from US DOD. This image is a work of the U.S. military or Department of Defense employee, taken or made as part of that person's official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image is in the pubic domain in the United States.

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Tuesday, July 15, 2025

CAROLE'S TESTIMONY VARIED : SHE SAID IT WASN'T A "CHEAP RELATIONSHIP" and WOULDN'T ADMIT THEY HAD SEX and TRIED TO HIRE KILLERS BUT...

Subtitled  Chronical of the Finch-Tregoff Case, a Based on Fact Dramatization by James L. Jones, MD.

Bernard Finch and Carole Tregoff were to be tried separately and both were charged with murder in the first degree.

Pages 68 and 69 and 70 :

On July 29th 1959, after giving testimony in which she tried to avoid answering if she'd had sex with Bernard, Carole was arrested in the courtroom. She was not handcuffed but lead to the back of an unmarked car, charged within an hour with first degree murder.

Page 71 : "We are confident that the tow of them planned this thing together. We think they planned to tie up Mrs. Finch, inject her with a lethal dose of Seconal, and run her car over a cliff. 

Notes: Seconal among others, is barbiturate drug used for insomnia, i.e. a sleeping pill. A newer will in which Barbara Jean finch left Dr. Finch the bulk of the estate was found. (Note: She had never filed it so it was invalid.)

Meanwhile Bernard continued to say that the problem was that the Swedish nanny and Carole had simply not been in the same place - the garage - at the same time and that what they did not know was what happened between him and his wife in that garage. It was suggested that Barbara had a gun aimed at her husband at the time.

The headlines had made her a star of sorts and some people attended the trial just to see what she looked like. She claimed to have been forced to testify to incriminate herself and that she was no longer in love with Bernard. The press and the neighborhood women were sympathetic to Carole as they thought she had fallen in love and then used by Bernard.

But then two nineteen year old prostitutes in Vegas came forward to say that they knew someone who had been paid by Carole and Bernard to kill Barbara.

Excerpt page 91: (What the young prostitutes said.) "Turns out the doctor's girlfriend has been looking for somebody to 'take care of' the doctor's wife. ... She glanced at her friend quickly, then back to Powell. "We both heard Ritchie talking with a friend of his from when he worked at the Sahara.  Didn't we?"  She looked at her companion, nodding her into speaking.

"It's true," the other added, after a pause....

The girls, who wanted out of their pimp's control and to go home knew they had a deal .

Notes from pages 92 - 96 :

Forty eight days after her arrest, Carole was allowed out of jail on bail of $25,000.  A Nevada state university student told Las Vegas police he had arranged with Carole Tregoff Pappa and Dr. R, Bernard Finch, early in 1959, to hire two men to kill Mrs. Barbara Jean Finch.  There was a nationwide bulletin out for Richie Keachie and James Patrick Cody. Donald Sanford Williams also said that she had asked him if he knew any gangsters, he was an old eighbor.  Williams had introduced her to Keachie but Keachie didn't want the job.  Then Cody was asked... She offered or paid $1000,000... Cody requested immunity in exchange for his testimony.  Three men said she did.

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Tuesday, April 15, 2025

TWENTY FOUR YEAR OLD NATHANIEL BRANDEN IS SEDUCED BY FORTY-NINE YEAR OLD AYN RAND

 

Missy here.  I wish I could think of Ayn Rand's husband, Frank O'Connor, as her creative muse, but it seems he fulfilled another role in her life, one of unending support - the unselfish one. Nathaniel Branden, though intelligent, educated, and heading for a career as a psychologist, seems to have fallen under Ayn's spell.

Excerpt page 256:  Nonetheless, he felt an unfamiliar sense of elation, power, even mastery.  The woman with the magnificent eyes and the penetrating mind was looking to him for romance; and when he looked back at her, "the image (of myself) I saw reflected (in her eyes) was that of a god," he later wrote.  "I am in love with you, " he said aloud.  It was a fiction that would last fourteen years.

It wasn't a conscious fiction, not at first.  That they had fallen in love struck them both as philosophically inevitable and romantically and morally correct.

That first afternoon, they told each other that whatever they did they would not hurt each other or their spouses.  Rand suggested that the affair would be "nonsexual" in the ultimate sense," meaning that their lovemaking would stop short of intercourse.  Brandon agreed, disappointed but also relieved, he recalled.  As crusaders for integrity and honesty, they also prepared to present the fact to Frank and Barbara. They decided to ask permission to meet by themselves twice a week....

***

And actually, they all four met.  Ayn and Nathaniel claimed that this did not mean they did not also continue to love their spouses. So, as I see it, they altered their relationships and were now in Open Marriage.  A couple months later they revamped the agreement to include full sexuality.  Barbara also felt that her frustrating sex life with her husband was part of the reason.  But Barbara was not well, suffering nightmares and panic. Nathaniel, who was enrolled in a master's degree program at NYU began to play therapist with his wife - and others - using Rand's theories.  Evolved a whole language of ideas about a person's psychological state.  By my way of thinking, what this all amounted to is psychological abuse of Barbara. If she could not find this change in her relationship with her husband acceptable then she was blamed.  Objectivists could not also be Emotionalists, like Barbara.

By the fall of 1958 Ayn herself was depressed despite increasing wealth and being in demand as a speaker and lecturer. She was also having to face literary criticism and took to secluding herself. She remained depressed until early 1961. She smoke and drank coffee. She had also begun using stimulants by prescription and may have used the drugs to lift her mood, loose weight, or get wired.  Frank O'Connor didn't desert his wife, but he also withdrew.

Missy

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot All Rights reserved including Internet and International Rights

Monday, March 18, 2024

NINA VAN PALLANDT : THE TWIST AND TURNS OF A MARRIAGE IN FREE FALL


Notes and Excerpts by Missy:

By January 1967, when Nina was thinking that the separations had been good and was having renewed hope about her marriage with Frederik, the children announced that they had spent time with Dorothy, who was Frederik's new woman... It became clear that both husband and wife were having their own lives.

Excerpt Page 181 :

After a dinner party.... "He suddenly sat on the bed and said, "Dorothy and I are expecting a baby.  Our marriage is finished.  It was only an extension of our childhood anyway, and only our work has held us together.  We'll fulfill the contracts we have, and that's the end."

What could I say?  I, too, had contemplated leaving but had come to a different conclusion. I had long known of his girl friends, but had come to terms with that.  I knew what we had together was unique and giving life together was very much a part of it.  Now, with this, part of that uniqueness had been sullied and it all seemed meaningless.  I was numb.

I cried and raged...

Note: The Nina and Frederik singing duo continued to entertain.

 Excerpt page 183 :

At home the children never saw any strife or disharmony, but I know they sensed the tension....  Frederik didn't want a divorce.  I was his wife and would be the only one he'd have in this life. The soul relationship be had with Dorothy, he said, needed no marriage certificate.

He was torn between two worlds. When he was here he wanted to be elsewhere; when elsewhere he wanted to be here.  Deep down I don't think he wanted to be anywhere. Then the phone rang. Dorothy had had a daughter.  We both cried for each other, for ourselves, and for her, too...

Notes : Back on the tour, it became clear that for all this, Frederik planed to spent his time with Dorothy and his friends, sailing.  Nina wrote that the only thing that kept her going was her love for children.  But they discussed having his new family move in.  If that had happened Nina and Dorothy would have more openly been sharing a man. Finally Nina accepted that the relationship she had with her husband was that of siblings.  What came next was negotiating a friendship with Clifford's new wife.

Excerpt page 196:

Clifford and Edith came to one of the few parties I had that summer. (Edith had become writer Clifford Irving's his fourth wife in 1967.) I'd gone to see her the year before at their home because I wanted to tell her I felt the island was too small for old grudges.  Could we not make peace between us?  I didn't stay long, but it was a friendly meeting, and when she took me downstairs to the door, she asked me to dinner a few days later. I went, and it was a pleasant evening which was repeated not too long afterwards.  A couple weeks later, Edith and Clifford came to my annual Full Moon party, it looked as though we'd managed to resolve our problems.

But now, a year later at my house, Clifford had too much to drink and, with pointed remarks and hints, undid all Edith and I had managed to establish. The evening came to an end without incident, but a day or so later, Edith appeared and asked if we could talk.

She told me she was sick of his running around, and I oud have him if I wanted him.  I assured her we were not seeing each other and that, furthermore, I had no intention of seeing him, adding that I was rather enjoying my newfound freedom.  I was not divorced, only separated, had children and a career, I told her, and had no intention of breaking up her marriage, or for the present, my own. She seemed so upset that I finally asked her why she didn't just leave him She answered that she could not walk out on him and the children unless she knew he would be happy with me.  

Notes: It was 1969 and Nina did not see Clifford or the Irvings for the rest of the year.  Having fulfilled the contracts, Nina launched a solo career by September 1970 beginning in London.

Excerpt page 196:

January 1971, Clifford called from Ibiza and said he'd be coming to London en route to New York and would like to say hello. He arrive in early February and spent the afternoon chatting in my kitchen. It was good to see him again. At dinner that evening, we brought each other up to date on our doings. I told him with excitement how well things were going for me. He told me about his marriage, which was still limping along, about his suspicion of Edith having found a German boyfriend and their having discussed divorce.  He still wanted to marry me, but I looked him straight in the eye and laughingly asked if we hadn't both had enough of that.

The next day at lunch Clifford asked me if had a few days free to go to the Bahamas with him.  I rarely did things in the spur of the moment, but I suddenly head myself say "Yes."  .....

I joined Clifford in New York a few days later, and he asked me if I'd like to go to Mexico instead. He knew a small town south of Mexico city where he'd spent some time and wanted to show it to me, and I'd never been to Mexico, anyway, so ---- why not?

Notes:  What's especially important about this passage is that Clifford Irving was busy fooling his publisher that he had the cooperation of the secretive recluse, millionaire Howard Hughes, of aircraft pioneer fame, to write his autobiography.  This ruse, that involved Clifford's wife Edith cashing checks made out to Hughes in Switzerland. ended badly, when the publishing house finally was contacted by Hughes himself. It turned into a major legal problem for Clifford Irving. But he did write a book about the whole adventure.

Excerpt Continued:

We took off for Mexico the next day, changed lanes in New Orleans and arrived late Thursday afternoon in Mexico City... It was during the drive from the airport to our hotel that Clifford suddenly turned to me and said in a low voice that he was going to write the autobiography of Howard Hughes, that it was a great secret and he couldn't reveal more.  He added that he might possibly have to meet Hughes while we were there but I was not to talk about this project.  Nothing more was mentioned and we chatted happily about the sights gliding by outside..... 

Notes: The couple took a small plane to Oaxaca at dawn, a small town and stayed in a bungalow...

Excerpt page 201:

Clifford said "I'm not really meeting Hughes, you know... but I am writing his autobiography....  he could have said biography "Oh I'm writing it as if he were telling the story."

Notes: That is the role of a co-author or ghost writer and is a tradition, though sometimes a person with a story manages to get the work published without a mention that another person was writing an "as told to." This in itself was not wrong or illegal, it was the fact that Irving had never met Hughes, never had his cooperation, and had been conducting an elaborate ruse.

Eventually Nina was called to testify in court. 

***

Notes: Nina wrote that Clifford had told her on the island that he was writing the book and it was an open secret, he also showed her the completed manuscript. She began to get the feeling that he was up to something....   She said she did not want him to give her the details.

Nina thus claimed that she was not told outright that the book on Hughes was a hoax.  Despite all the changes, her relationship with Clifford fizzed out, though they had friendly occasional friendly interactions over the years. Nina claimed that she began to learn that she was sought in connection with the legal case. It was their trip to Mexico that she was questioned about and so, she came to public notice in the United States as a result.

Some people speculated that her denials had everything to do with her career.

C 2024 Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot All Rights Reserved



Thursday, January 18, 2024

SONDRA LOCKE : THE GOOD AND THE BAD OF BEING A MARRIED WOMAN HE CALLED SNOW WHITE - INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN SHE CALLED DADDY : CLINT EASTWOOD


In these passages Sondra Locke's memoir, she describes the good and bad, the benefits and the accommodations, of accepting life with him unmarried, as his mistress. This is the second time I've read the book from cover to cover and I'm sensitive to two things; One that Sondra had no intention of divorcing her husband who she thought of as her only family and that husband, Gordon, was accepting of his wife, Sondra, being another man's mistress. 

It seems that Clint Eastwood was also happy that Sondra stayed married to Gordon. Two, that Sondra was into the relationship for the long haul, even though Clint remained married and she had two abortions and a tubal ligation, giving up any future children with him or another man, at his insistence. In the mid 1970's Gordon was having a romance with another man.


1975 : "Although Clint was clearly Daddy in the dynamics of our relationship, I seemed to bring out the little boy in him. And although he loved me for my childlike nature, he brought out the woman in me. Clint seemed astonished at his need for me, even admitting that he'd never been faithful to one woman - because he'd never been in love before," he confided.  He even made up a song about it: " She made me monogamous."  That flattered and delighted me. I would never doubt his faithfulness and his love for me. (page 145)

In the beginning when we were in Los Angeles, Clint and I stayed in his private  apartment adjacent to his office on the Warners lot. Soon we moved into his small house in Sherman Oaks, which he and Maggie's (Clint's wife) had acquired during his Rawhide success...... (Sondra hated the architecture and interiors but it was a respite from hotel rooms.)

***

1978 : Almost as if it were a nonevent, he answered, "Maggie wants to go to Hawaii."  I stood there dumbstruck.

"What do you mean a vacation? You didn't mention anything  to me." With Clint everything usually came out in little tiny snippets, but this one really threw me.

"Maggie asked about you and I told her," said Clint.

"What do you mean?  What did she say?"......

"She wants us to go there with the kids to see if we can 'work things out,' save our marriage, I guess," he replied.  (page 151)

(Clint said that he told his wife it was not just an affair and that he loved Sondra. This wife filed for a legal separation but not a divorce and did not actually divorce him till 1984.)

***

...  In retrospect it's interesting how the whole 'marriage or not" issue evolved for me with Clint.  In the beginning, I guess I wanted Clint to be divorced and marry me.  ...  Then, as the years went by somehow it did not seem to matter.  I truly believed that Clint and I did not need papers to validate the commitments we had made to each other.... And Clint knew the nature of Gordon's and my relationship, and was unconcerned that legally we were still married. In my conscious mind then, my marriage with Gordon was financial protection for him.  If something happened to me, he would be saved from unnecessary taxes on any assets I would leave behind. ... 


DO YOU THINK SONDRA's MARRIAGE TO A GAY MAN THAT SHE WOULD NOT GIVE UP MADE HER MORE VULNERABLE TO CLINT?

Wednesday, August 2, 2023

REVISITING POSTS FROM THE EARLY DAYS OF MISTRESS MANIFESTO : THIS SHOULD BE FUN!



This song set the mood for Mistress Manifesto when I started blogging in 2009. 

It seems there are hundreds of novels - if not thousands - which focus on the woman character as a Mistress. Often the woman is overwhelmed with passion for the man but strives to regain her power in the relationship.

When it comes to songs with lyrics that acknowledge adultery, very few.  Even though it seems having an affair with a married person isn't a rare occurrence.

Is the Mistress Lifestyle right for you?

I always hope that those of you who are considering an Alternative Lifestyle will read my blog and that learning about people who have lived it will help you make a Choice.

This month I'll be re-posting some of the posts from the first few months I blogged.


ME AND MRS. JONES : BILLY PAUL


SAME PLACE, SAME TIME!



Saturday, February 25, 2023

HOW TO AVOID STARTING UP WITH A MARRIED MAN (IF IT'S NOT TOO LATE!) ON-LINE MATCH UP?

I'm asked how a woman can tell if a man is married or not. If he's your co-worker, your boss, your neighbor, your family friend, or that man at church, you already know he's married. That's different. This is for those who is interested in someone who is not in their daily life.

The person might be available... or might not be. Perhaps this is someone who has not yet admitted they are married or living with someone. Or the person may have a domestic partner or be in a steady 'committed' relationship with someone but not living together. If you want to avoid getting involved with someone who is not actually single, unmarried, and available, you might be able to end it before it starts ...

Be aware:

I like the idea of a dating calendar, diary, or journal. For instance you might write in when and how you met, when that person calls you, the time of day or night, and the nature of the phone call. (Is it to ask you out, talk problems?) When they ask you out and for when. (A week in advance? Last minute? Saturday night? Wednesday night? Sunday afternoon?) And other details. (The caution on this is that if you're crazy about that person you might make seeing them around once in a while into something bigger than it is...)

On-line?

When you meet someone through an on-line match up, and begin your communications with e-mailing and texting, a person who is involved elsewhere may be able to keep their secret for some time, such as until after you're hooked. Some wait until after you've had sex and/or fallen in love. I do think that can be deliberate. Such a person may be manipulating you, controlling you, and trying to rob you of making an intelligent choice.

That said, until you have a discussion, an agreement, a negotiation, with someone to be a partner, until you know the terms and conditions, it's best to assume that they are "dating" or "seeing" others and you have every right to as well. So how do you feel about having sex with someone you know little about? Does he presume you won't mind sharing him with one or more other lovers?

It's my observation that women seem to think they are in an exclusive relationship when they're having sex with a man, a presumption, and are hurt when that turns out not to be true. Having the negotiation means that he won't be able to try and get out of being responsible by saying something like "Well, you didn't ask."  

You don't have to be religious or moralistic to be pragmatic. Life is difficult for most women, more difficult than it is for most men; I do think so. The role parents used to take in choosing a husband for their daughters now has to be taken by you yourself.  You must be the one choosing a partner - if you want one.  As I see it the pressure to partner in this world is extreme to the point where many people feel they should be with someone- anyone - or stay with someone-anyone - when the connection is not good, even abusive. Some people think it's better to be partnered socially, even better to be divorced than single. 

Avoid hook ups, texting - sexting, and 'friends with benefits.' Seriously question any social networking you do; put the settings on private and only invite your family and closest friends.  Spend the time going places where you can meet people in person and where people are going to meet people.

If you're involved in on-line meet ups or dating, don't spend a lot of time in e-mailing or texting conversations, or have long phone conversations that take the place of dates before or instead of meeting in person. Don't send photos or give accounts of your activities to prove you have fun, are busy, or have a lot of friends. Do not keep posting your every move. Have you no mystery?

I've met one too many women who indulge in what is a fantasy relationship and who never hear from a man again after finally meeting him in person. I hate this, but it's usually because the man is meeting a lot of women hoping he will be immediately very physically attracted to someone. Perhaps he thinks if he experiences a tremendous zing first, then he will get to know the woman. He might be a sex addict even if he isn't actually having sex. He may use porn. He may be homosexual but hoping a particular woman will prove otherwise because he finally feels the zing. It is possible to slowly and surely fall in love with another person by spending time with them, by having a friendship first, but those men looking for the zing rarely allows this to happen.

Or he may be the type who sees women as 'arm-candy' and wants other men to admire him or elevate his status with a woman, even if he doesn't have special interest in her as a human being. He can be someone who thinks that he deserves or needs a woman who is much more beautiful than he is handsome. These days some men feel they deserve not only beauty but also that their woman be educated and have high-paying careers. This can be all about his narcissism and need to impress other men.

He can be a meet-up addict. The high of the experience being that he succeeded in getting a woman interested enough to meet him and the low of the experience being that she's not exciting enough (by his way of thinking) after all. Or that he keeps going after women who reject him.

Or he may enjoy having fantasy relationships himself and have these e-mail or sexting or texting conversations going with a number of women at the same time and never get around to meeting any one. Hey, it may be the time of his life, but is it also yours?

So, when you limit how much time and patience you have with all this electronic busyness, it's a positive. You meet, you can take it slow, and if he's just into it to seduce you and abandon you, he won't spend the time to get to know you in person.

Time off for social life is limited for most people. So consider how much time the person is spending with you in person. Remember that a person in another relationship can more easily e-mail or text you than see you in person. (Maybe he takes his phone into the bathroom or when he's out walking their dog? Or only calls you from work at lunch time? Maybe he composes an e-mail when he has the time and then schedules it to send another?)

If your intent is to meet someone to date and to eventually partner with, all the energy and effort on your part consumed with these interactions, which may raise your hopes or basically wear you down with rejection, will prevent you from focusing on you goal of partnering with someone who is actively interested and available. So, after a few messages, a time and place to meet in person is all there is left to discuss. Let the e-conversation go. And if it turns into dating, be aware if it's mostly keeping in touch electronically. Stop that.

And by the way, I do realize my advice can apply to people of all genders and sexualities, but I'm coming from a heterosexual perspective and from learning vicariously as well. I do think there is something to vibes as well as chemistry and love at first sight.

Is there an exception to the advice I've given above? There is. If he is in a commitment but his partner is long distance, he has the time to see you in person and take the relationship forward, until she comes back to visit or moves back or he is summoned there.

Missy

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Friday, January 27, 2023

NELSON EDDY INTERVIEW ON JEANETTE MACDONALD'S DEATH

 The reporters called him.... for a statement...they knew there was a story there. Nelson got to be a pal bearer.

I looked at some other sites regarding Jeanette's death and it seems there is reason to believe that Nelson was kept away... or the final hospitalization was bungled in some way. It strikes me that Jeanette was not a healthy woman or strong in body in general. Anyone woman who has had so many pregnancies and miscarriages would have had some permanent damage, I think.

Her story makes me sad.