WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE KEPT? A COURTESAN? A MISTRESS? TO HAVE A HIGH COURTESAN ASPECT TO YOUR PERSONALITY?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE KEPT?  A COURTESAN?  A MISTRESS?  TO HAVE A HIGH COURTESAN ASPECT TO YOUR PERSONALITY?  MISSY SPEAKS!

When you write a blog called Mistress Manifesto for several years as I've been doing, you wrangle with the question of what it means to be Kept, or what if any difference there is between a Courtesan and a Mistress!  When I profile Dally the Tall I have no doubt that she was a Courtesan because of the times that she lived in as well as the high art of her presentation and personality and the limitations of her ambitions. 

In other cases I'm not so sure.

Of the three words, I think the one the media overuses and uses incorrectly is Mistress.  A woman in any old affair, even if it was just one night, can be called a Mistress in the media if the man she's involved with is married. (For instance, I don't think the once playful Monica Lewinsky was ever President Bill Clinton's mistress and I would never apply that word to Marilyn Monroe, as confused as she was, though I think both women had a high courtesan aspect to their personalities.) Now that there are so many people who consider themselves committed living apart or who never marry legally, the question of ADULTERY as a key to Mistresshood doesn't count so much. Some relationships are so OPEN that Mistressing seems to be downright OLD FASHIONED, what with all that sneaking around!

Mistress is also used to imply that a person is a dominatrix, or at least powerful in the classroom as a teacher or as the owner of independent estate. I'm sure some people have been looking for a dominatrix when they happened upon my blog! I note that in this case the MISTRESS IS POWERFUL and IN CHARGE. Since so many women are not powerful or in charge this mistress can become quite the fantasy for women, especially because she does this and is still feminine though not weak.

So then we look at what it means to be KEPT and that word seems to imply CONCUBINAGE!  When we say someone is KEPT there are always financial implications, like that the person does not work for pay at anything and are totally dependent on someone else for their needs. It is the financial evidence that we are looking for and it's the financial evidence that makes the news and pushes previously low key mistresses into the public eye.

This one is tricky too because not so long ago most MARRIED WOMEN WERE KEPT WOMEN.  They stayed in the home and were "home-makers" or their work was as mothers and wives but they did not go out and earn any pay.  As married women they were respected for this, even honored.  These days most women work or if they are living off savings, an inheritance, or unexpected windfall, they write a novel or do volunteer work.  These days most women do not want to ask a husband for money to buy everything they want or need. They don't want to go behind his back or be tricky to buy a new dress.  They are almost embarrassed to let a man pay for everything on a date.  They are trying to prove to a man that they do not need him or that they are not less than him, at least not less than him financially.  "I don't need you!" she seems to be saying.

With the financial dependence most often for women that means she is COMMITTED TO HIM and their RELATIONSHIP even if he is not so much to her.  Such a woman may decide to not date others or have sex with others even when he has not given her such a commitment.  (It is my suspicion that this was the case with poor L'Wren Scott.)

The ability to admit to need and the willingness to allow someone else to help them financially without embarrassment or apology is where today's Kept Woman or Mistress or Courtesan prevails. This is also an old fashioned aspect of relationship with so much opportunity for independence today. It can even be an act of great self esteem and self acceptance to admit to someone that yes you can accept their generosity and no you are not an opportunist or user. You will really appreciate it.  And do well with it.

Another way to find meaning in these words is in the personality of a person.

What does it mean to have a High Courtesan Aspect to your personality? 

Why are people who have this so appealing to other people? 

Well, people with this aspect to their personality know how to have fun. They can be silly or sweet. They can be childlike and have wonder about the world even as they get older and older. They know how to seize the moment or the day. They see the beauty in things and they make themselves and their surroundings beautiful. They are apt to be a little too forgiving and to make excuses for people and to keep things light. This light heartedness is contagious. They are apt to see the glass half full rather than half empty. They can't stay mad for too long.  They give perceptive and sincere compliments. 

There is a certain happiness to being able to make do, to invent. Even when they can't afford a decorator their pillows are fluffed and there are guest soaps in the bathroom.

When things are going badly they get up and do the next day anyway, because they have faith that change is inevitable but it will all turn out well enough. 

Often they are the ones who make things happen for others, the job interviews, the dinner parties, the group to the opera, the event at the museum, or the little gift they picked up for you at a garage sale that is just perfect!

Missy

C 2012 - 2026  Missy Rapport/ Mistress Manifestto.blogspot.com  2014  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights   First published June 24, 2014

CLARA KIMBALL YOUNG IN THE MOVIE "KEPT HUSBANDS"

I was thrilled to find the full silent film entitled Kept Husbands which Clara Kimball Young starred in, which was posted by a YouTube station called The Film Detective. It's a story about the rich and the poor, and in the end the woman who started out poor returns to her steelworker husband.

 

Why is it that "Kept" is a term used about mistresses, women who are supported by men they are not married to, while "Kept" is not used for a wife who is entirely dependent on her husband for financial support?  A stay-at-home wife and mother - a 'homemaker' - a woman who is entirely dependent on her husband, is honored. It's tradition. It's conservative.  And today, it's rare to be either!

C 2026 Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

Research includes using Google, AI, Wikis, YouTube, etc.

GLORIA SWANSON and JOE KENNEDY : THE WAY THEY WERE

 He was married with many children, she was married with two.

Excerpt page 194 : Gloria was very much one of Hollywood's own, and honored player of the movie colony's most popular pastime, a party-giving and party-goi9ng, but Joe was not.  His Catholicism and Boston sense of propriety prevented him from a too ostentatious display of his double existence  Though many in Hollywood would later make the comparison, Gloria and Joe were no Marion Davies - William Randolph Hearst twosome who flaunted their liaison.

For one thing, Gloria and Joe were both married with children. She was no starlet looking for  a sugar daddy; he, no elderly tycoon hopelessly in love with a chorus girl. She saw in him someone who was plainly going far, and she fell in love with his business savvy and can-do openness. He was the one man in her life she trusted when it came to money. To him, she was one of the most desirable women, one of the symbols he had grappled with all the way up from East Boston  He fell in love with a woman who was everything Rose was not.  Gloria was, first of all, fame --- a woman whose public personality spoke to people of golden youth and glitter.  To discover that she was also a creature of shadows was part of his lover's ecstasy. She was a woman of her own means, self-confident and elusive, possessed of a dignity that was both paralyzing and magnificent. In their intimacy, she was almost tomboyish --- terse and disarming.  Fun, too.

Excerpt pages 194-195 :

Smitten with her from the first meeting at the Savoy Plaza (Palm Beach - Florida) two months earlier --- with the idea of her as well as the fact --- he was not only giving her advice but smothering her with attention.  He loved uncovering the Gloria Swanson millions would never know --- the quiet, slightly weary person with soft hair and a dark, husky voice so different from the screen image, the woman who boasted that she'd never been kept.  None of her homes, he happily discovered, was a place into which friends casually dripped.....

They made love at his place. Here, he was in control of comings and goings of staff and underlings. On Crescent Drive (Beverly Hills), her waking hours were a series of disturbances by butler and maids, secretaries and assistants, and her moods ran in channels dammed up by her staff.  On Rodeo Drive (Beverly Hills - his place) order flowed effortless from the master.

Excerpt page 209 :

...When he had a moment alone with Gloria, he called her the most desirable woman, held her gaze with his electric blue stare, and said he couldn't wait to take her out that evening. She told him they had to be reasonable; they couldn't be seen together.  "We're business associates," he grinned.

"Business is done in the daytime if both associates are married," she said.

If you want to know the slightly more scintillating details - not pornographic but - certainly get yourself a copy of this book.|

In this passage, we note that Gloria Swanson had never been kept and was proud of that, as a woman who had earned her own for years. All Mistresses are not Kept, and all adulterers are not Mistresses, and so here we go again trying to define Mistress. It is the nature of the relationship that defines it, I believe, but in popular thought it's all about money and sex, as if love doesn't count.

Gloria Swanson's husband Henri moved into an affair with actress Constance Bennet.

Missy

C 2026 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.

MYTHS ABOUT MISTRESSES THAT NEED TO BE BUSTED

MYTHS ABOUT MISTRESSES THAT NEED TO BE BUSTED

You've seen the articles and books that would have it that EVERY MISTRESS IS THE SAME and, well, yes some women are going to fit these "truisms." If you're a mistress or are becoming a mistress, you'll have to think about these notions and self assess honesty to decide if they fit you. But let's challenge a bit.

POSSIBLE MYTHS

1) YOU DO AND SHOULD FEEL GUILT about him spending time with you instead of his wife and/or children. All sorts of things trigger that guilt (such as moralistic films.) The exception  to being guilty is that she cannot be guilty because she doesn't know he's married so she does not know she's a mistress.

2) SHE DIDN'T EXPECT TO BE A MISTRESS, it just happened, as the result of a fling or affair.

3) SHE'S JEALOUS of HIS WIFE and the public approval and attention she gets because she wants to be the wife.

4) SHE KNOWS SHE MADE A MISTAKE and HE IS MR. WRONG (because he is married) but stays in the relationship anyway because she is emotionally attached to him. She makes excuses for him.

5) SHE SEES A FUTURE WITH THE MAN. Even if years go by, she is in waiting to be the next Mrs.

All of these assumptions suggest a woman is not in control of her life and doesn't have a choice or make decisions.

HERE IS WHY NOT:

1) He does not have to be married at all (or in any serious committed relationship) in order to have a mistress. Adultery is often defined as a married person cheating. She herself may not be married and therefore may not be committing adultery.

2) She may not want to be married to him or married at all at this time or any time in her life. 

3) She may have good reasons to think he is Mr. Right, or at the very least better than any man she has met before or is meeting currently.

4) She may value her own time, her own other relationships including friends, her own career, her own freedom to travel.

5) He may not have children, she may not have children, or the children are grown or independent.

6) He may be going through a divorce, be legally separated, and she may not be the cause of it.

7) She may understand that he does not want to marry (or have children) again.

Further:

1) He may not have been seeking a mistress but find himself having one.

2) His wife may know - and approve, even encourage him, for her own reasons, to be with another woman.

3) Some people "with eyes open" choose to be in a romantic triad.

Missy

C 2025  Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights

DEFINING MISTRESS : THE LANGUAGE IN MAC GRISWOLD's BOOK ON THE LIFE OF BUNNY MELLON : OPINION BY MISSY

In the fabulous book on the life of Bunny Mellon, which has been the primary reference for this months' posts, I'll Build A Stairway to Paradise, author Mac Griswold uses the term AFFAIR for Dorcas Hardin's many years as Paul Mellon's mistress. Paul Mellon died in 1999 and their relationship started in 1959 or 1960 so as they say, do the math, and that's forty years! Mellon's wife Bunny shared him with Dorcas, even if they attempted to keep the relationships separate.  If there is one objection I have to the book it is the use of that term AFFAIR, which I think trivializes the importance of this relationship to Paul and Dorcas, and of course its effects on Bunny.

Affair is a term that can be used to describe a one-time sexual experience, a brief interlude between two people, or a years long relationship, I realize. Unfortunately, we see the term Mistress used to describe a woman who has had an affair though there was nothing Mistressing about it.

Defining Mistress, understanding the range of relationships that can be defined by the word, which has often been used in the S and M community to describe a dominatrix, is part of the problem. And of course, we understand that most of the relationships in which we might use the term Mistress are between heterosexual men and women, though no doubt homosexual people also have these relationships. Further blurring definition is that so many people today live together without marriage or have alternative relationships that may include others.  We have to take adultery out of the equation as we know that some people Keep people though neither is married or in a committed relationship. We also don't know that it's always a rich person with a poor one, or that there's a financial aspect to the relationship.

Think about this and let me know what you think!

Missy

THE THEFT OF CHOICE : SPECIAL EDITION of MISTRESS MANIFESTO FEATURING CASSANDRA PETERSON

The inspiration for this month's excruciatingly uncomfortable subject is the story of her rape in the memoir Yours Cruelly, Elvira by Cassandra Peterson, better known as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. You may be familiar with the character of Elvira, who years ago started out a long stretch as the hostess of late-night scary B-movies on television, some of them laughable, especially if you were in range of Los Angeles stations. Prior to becoming known as Elvira, Cassandra had what might be called a colorful life, which I'll get to in a moment.

I'm not a fan of horror or scary films and can't remember ever staying up late to watch the show, but I knew about Elvira the way I knew about Angelyne, who I elected as Honorary Mistress of the Month in October 2010, long before she was outed by a mysterious character and then a biopic was made of her life.  If you lived in Southern California in those days then you knew she was around.

Angelyne's mystery was how she could afford to be on so many expensive billboards all around town, how she could afford all the cosmetic surgeries, how she could afford pink sports cars, one after another, and spend so much time driving around Los Angeles and being seen. (She certainly did not seem to have a regular job or much in the way of actual acting work. She did manage to record some music...)  There were always whispers of mysterious benefactors. A friend of mine who had his moment of fame decades earlier and interacted with a number of people in entertainment told me who everyone said Kept Angelyne, which I've never revealed. Just about everything else he had ever told me about various show business people had checked out. But let me get back to Cassandra.

While Angelyne may live 'in character' and be famous for being famous, Cassandra Peterson, who as Elvira in some way got associated in some people's minds with Angelyne, played Elvira as an actor, keeping her private life private but not in a downright secretive way as Angelyne did. Some reviews of Peterson's book mentioned that finally she was getting personal. And she did in her memoir, including about her rape.

Of course Mistress of the Dark uses the term Mistress in a way that I do not here at Mistress Manifesto. Defining Mistress is one of the goals of this blog as we learn about so very many for whom a label such as Mistress might be right. Overall, however, the term Mistress implies a woman who is in command, if not of others, than of her own life, which can also seem to be ironic and contradictory, since in so many novels where Mistresses or Kept women or Courtesans are the main character they are actually subject to a passion that makes them sin.  

When I search for books that are non-fiction in libraries to read and consider for inclusion here, I always encounter hundreds of fictive books in which the Mistress is a character.  Sometimes I think there are hundreds of such books for every one that is non-fiction. Why, I ask myself, are all these novels written, sold, and read?  I think it's because many women do have the fantasy of being in a relationship outside of marriage.

One of the aims of Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot is to to look at the realities. We ask how did (and do) Courtesans, Mistresses, Kept People, Groupies, Harem concubines, and just plain women who have affairs with men who aren't free to marry them, live their lives? We wonder if, as in films, the 'bad girl' is always punished by society or fate.  We do this at a time when people are more open in general about who they are and what they want, and sometimes what they want falls into the category of Alternative Lifestyle.

We love the idea that we have Choice, but how much Choice do we have?

To review the book Yours Cruelly, Elvira:

Cassandra Peterson grew up with an abusive narcissistic mother caused her much pain and a beloved father who did not defend her. She grew up in a lower-middle class home where there was no talk of careers or college for her. She was a Beatles-maniac and long live rock and roll! She became the youngest showgirl in Las Vegas at the time; her parents signed their agreement. She's been Sex Positive and never shy about showing off her physical assets, in particular her breasts. Meeting Elvis Presley, who gave her some wise advice, was the highlight of her life in Vegas. 

Attempting to support herself as she took bit parts and background work, Cassandra Peterson went to Italy where she had some experiences that could have turned out worse. Destitute and squatting, ripped off and escaping a criminal lover, she ended back in America. In Los Angeles she decided to add her natural sense of humor to her bawdy personae. She took classes with the Groundlings comedy troop, which she eventually was invited to join. She and a partner wrote the comedy scripts for the horror show evenings she hosted

In her personal life she was not shy about having sex and didn't hold herself to traditional values. Not religious, she favored the Ernest Holmes Science of Mind way of goal setting. She also lovingly accepted gay men as friends, coworkers, and co-creatives. For a long time she-who-would-someday-be-known-as-Elvira was just scraping by, even when she had room mates or lived with a man to keep the cost of living down, even as she paid her dues and took her acting and improv classes, even as she sought agents, went on auditions, and took rejections.

When I first saw the book as an offering as an e-audio book and an e-book at my library, I thought, what the heck, I'm under no obligation to read it if it turns out it's no good. But it was, surprising so.  First of all, I love e-audio books when the writer/author reads their own work. Cassandra does, expressively, and humorously.  She's frank. And I was surprised at how much I was enjoying the book and could relate to her as a human being. Even if I personally would be far too self conscious to ever be a showgirl, I could certainly understand how much she loved music, how big a deal meeting Elvis and having a good conversation with him it was. I could certainly understand about being true to one's art, even if it didn't pay.

So when I got to Chapter 15, entitled You'll Never Work In This Town Again and she started reading/speaking about it, knowing already that she had been propositioned many times, had been sexually harassed, had been offered work in exchange for sex (in Hollywood called 'the casting couch') by sleazy men, I was unprepared to hear that she had, after fending off and surviving so much, been raped. 

So, this month as a Special Edition here at Mistress Manifesto, the focus is Rape, which is the Theft of Choice and so horribly common, and so hateful towards women, I swear sometimes I think castration should be the punishment. 

Thank You Cassandra Peterson for inspiring this Special Edition.

Cassandra Peterson was married for twenty five years and suffered six miscarriages before finally having a child at age 43. She had long been involved in LGBTQ Rights but had to adjust when she herself fell in love with another woman. When her book came out in 2021 she was seventy years old and had been in that relationship for 19 years. As an activist she has also been involved in PETA anti-fur campaigns. She is also for the Me-Too Movement and is vocal about having been verbally and psychologically abused not only in her childhood, but also in her marriage. 

C 2023 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

You might be interested in reading: ANGELYNE THE BILLBOARD QUEEN : RUMORED MISTRESS OF THE MONTH is in the archives for October 2010

P.S. I'm not suggesting Petersen has been a Mistress or a Courtesan or a Kept Woman. Her memoir does not suggest it.

J. HOWARD MARSHALL and HIS ESTATE TOOK LADY WALKER'S ESTATE TO COURT

MORELAW :Pierce Marshall, Executor of the estate of J. Howard Marshall, II v. Wells Fargo Bank (Texas) N.A. f/k/a First Interstate Bank of Texas, N.A. Houston, Texas successor administrator with will annexed of the estate of Jewell Diane Walker, and Charl Case Number: 92-002284

Long Title!

Having seen this lawsuit referenced in other articles on the Internet, I was glad to find this link. Occurring in Harris County, Texas, and pursued by Pierce Marshall, the son of J. Howard Marshall and executer of his estate after his father's death.

To reiterate, the linked to case revolves around a custom jeweler, Duggan - Creative Designs, and an agreement with that firm that involves a special account in which J. Howard Marshall agreed to deposit $20,000 to $25,000 a month with a limit of $350,000 (but it doesn't say if this was for a certain year or forever) so that Lady Walker could order her heart's desire jewelry. 

But Marshall's estate wanted EVERYTHING HE HAD GIVEN HER BACK, so to speak and that's when Duggan decided to add voice to it by stating that the firm was owed over $400,000. In other words, that Lady ordered more jewelry than decided upon.

As it turned out, in this case the jewelry ended up with nothing and Marshall's estate got $191,800 an amount associated with interest charged by Duggan. 

LADY WALKER THE COURTESAN and EXCERPT from THE MISTRESS - HISTORIES MYTHS and INTERPRETATIONS of the OTHER WOMAN by VICTORIA GRIFFIN

posted on Find A Grave, this photo shows Lady in her glorious bed

with what looks to be fur pillows.  

She's in the style of one of the Grand Horizontals of France.

Victoria Griffin's book THE MISTRESS - Histories, Myths, and Interpretations of "The Other Woman" strives to define the word "Mistress" as well as other labels for women such as Concubine. 

Excerpt: The word 'mistress', it was suggested on a radio program recently, carries risque connotations in a way that the more modern, neutral word 'partner' doesn't.  Partner tends in any case to refer to the other half of a couple, and not usually to the extra third of a threesome.  Likewise 'lover' or girlfriend' though they could denote the possibility of an extant wife, do not necessarily do so. 'Mistress', on the other hand, always sounds illicit, as well as rather luxurious.  There are those who think of the word as old-fashioned, though I don't see why it should be considered to be any more out of date than 'wife' or 'husband'.  In all three cases, the roles may have been modified in recent years, while the names remain the same.  It has also been pointed out that there is no male equivalent of 'mistress."

***

I note that while there is a search for that equivalent, I have used the term mantress here at Mistress Manifesto...

IS COUGER A BAD TERM TO USE ON WOMEN WHO ARE SEXUAL AGRESSORS?

GOOD MEN PROJECT ETHICS : STUFF WE SHOULD STOP DOING : CALLING WOMEN COUGARS  by Yashar Ali.

A terrific think piece...

EXCERPT :  I also think it's important to mention that "cougar" carries a connotation of predatory behavior,  As i, A) the woman could only et the younger man by chasing after him like a rabid animal and B) the woman's personality has no part in the relationship, that the guy she's dating must only be with her so he can have wild, crazy sex or because she's rich.  Or C) where cougars are often portrayed in a desperate ight, as if they have nothing better to do that "chase" after younger men.  yet the men in these relationships aren't insulted or derided, even though they are adults who are consciously deciding to be in relationships with older women.

I urge you to click and learn more about terms such as Trophy Wife, Sugar Daddy, and so on...

"CELEBRITY MISTRESSES" WHO REALLY WERE NOT and the MEN WHO DIDN'T KEEP THEM : MISSY SPEAKS

In searching for people to feature on this blog, I sometimes do internet searches to see what's up. I've found so many articles that use the term CELEBRITY MISTRESSES. While many of these articles are correct about the fact that there has been adultery, they are rarely correct about the terms and conditions of the relationship. Affairs, even extremely brief events, are turned into relationships. Relationships, some of which end in someone's divorce and remarriage are not the same as the relationship between a person who has negotiated being in a long relationship with another person and is closer to being a second spouse. One article I found was right on about various celebrity men and their "baby mamas" but there is no evidence that any of these women who (sorry to say) stupidly had babies with men who use their celebrity to whore around were their Mistresses. (I'd love to know about the child support issues.)

However, we are in the process here of DEFINING Mistress. If you page through my archives you'll get a feeling for the people who I've featured thus far and why. Sometimes I elect someone an Honorary Mistress. I don't think Monica Lewinsky ever was but I've featured her and also said, in so many words, Get Off Her Back! I suspect Anna Bey once was and decided she wanted a different life. Isadora Duncan was, with Paris Singer who was her arts patron as well who helped her survive in Paris and move towards her dream of a dancing school. Although a woman can be financially independent and a Mistress, the rich man who can afford to "Keep" or "Help" a woman is more likely to have a Mistress. Do I believe Sarah Symonds, who was a Mistress to a famous married chef?  Yes. I do. Bill Gates? I doubt it. Women throwing themselves at his feet?  Probably.

In several articles, Marilyn Monroe is identified as a Mistress because she supposedly had affairs with President Kennedy  and his brother Robert. This tale has been repeated and taken on more and more "fact" as time goes on, yet the overly married Marilyn who also was, reportedly, quite the sexual adventurer for her time, and may even been expected to sleep with various Hollywood power players to have a career, had to know that having sex and having a relationship could be two different things. I pity her and the women who, like her, felt or knew they had to have sex with men in order to have a career. However, Marilyn was a Mistress early in her life with an agent named Johnny Hyde. 

Tiger Woods is a man who is linked with many women who are called Mistresses because of their affairs with him while he was married. I have no reason to think any of them were. I tend to discount any reportage that calls women who have had affairs with celebrities Mistresses. So NO Rachel Uchitel was not a Mistress.

And hell no Amy Fisher was not a Mistress to Joey Buttafuoco.

There are a lot of celebrities, and that includes politicians, who didn't seem to mind that someone is married or that they are married, when they meet someone else who is willing, they have affairs. Affairs sometimes turn into a remarriage or the Mistress relationship, but my thinking on this is that these people are too high profile to have private lives and that some of them use their drama to fuel their fame. 

I don't think in this day and age it's possible to have a Classic Mistress if you're a celebrity but if you have a whole lot of money you can make it happen, if the Mistress is capable of being discreet, which probably means she is not aiming for fame herself. Even if a person compartmentalizes their life, a reporter is on the story.

Missy

C 2021 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

You may be interested in :

Monica Lewinsky featured March 2012

Marilyn Monroe featured May 2012

Isadora Duncan featured February 2016

Anna Bey featured May 2021 

ASSOCIATED PRESS NO LONGER ALLOWS THE TERM "MISTRESS"

NEWSWEEK : AP PRESS MOCKED FOR BANNING THE WORD MISTRESS 

Well, my dear readers, I certainly will continue to use the word MISTRESS here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO.  I remember college and the Associated Press handbook for journalists for a class or twos.  The idea was for all journalistic publications to be on the same page with capitalization and word use.

I sure wish someone from Associated Press had read over this blog!

One radio station broadcaster I happened to hear said "What is the equivalent word for a Kept Male? Mantress?"  I've used that word here!  

They don't get the point at all.

 In the media, Mistress is OVERUSED to indicate anyone who is having an affair - even one night - with a celebrity.

All Mistresses are not adulterers.  Nor are all the men who Keep women (or women who Keep men or women who Keep women or men who Keep men or...) adulterers.

Nor are all Mistresses Kept in the Classic Mistress kind of way.

An excerpt from the book says:

Don't use the term mistress for a woman who is in a long-term sexual relationship with, and is financially supported by, a man who is married to someone else. Instead, use an alternative like companion, friend or lover on first reference and provide additional details later.

It's turned into a financial relationship.  A companion is a companion.  A friend is a friend.  A lover is a lover.  Basically, they are actually blurring relationship terms, though we know that there are many ways to love and that a Mistress may also be a companion, a friend, and a lover!

Missy

OPINION BY MISSY : I TANGLE WITH THE TERMINOLOGY : DEFINING MISTRESS

Through my Coronavirus-19 shut down experience, I've spent a lot of time watching YouTube videos and reading articles on the internet surround the issue of legal prostitution. The name ALICE LITTLE kept coming up as she has reportedly in recent years been the highest earning prostitute known. Little's earnings are reflected in massive tax payments because she is a legal prostitute in the state of Nevada. She hints at the ownership of horses, investment property, and paying so much in taxes that she's sort of funding the county. It's said that Alice Little has made millions. She is a well spoken and intelligent woman who also has been an advocate for prostitution remaining legal in Nevada. She has sued to reopen the brothels closed due to Covid.

As Alice Little, who is four foot eight or nine inches tall and likely uses the stage name Alice Little, states, she is sometimes thought of or called a courtesan, but the wording that the state of Nevada uses on the licensing is prostitute.  I watched a number of her videos in which she exhibits great enthusiasm for her profession as well as "sex worker" knowledge, some of which she openly shares in an attempt to show how friendly she is, tease potential customers, and normalize prostitution. In one of the videos, which seemed to be a recording of a talk show in which she was the guest and the host or moderator asked a number of good questions, Alice said the difference between a Mistress and a Courtesan is that a Courtesan "services" many but a Mistress only "services" one person.  

Ouch!  I do not agree with her definition.

One of the things we do here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot is consider definitions as we try to understand what being a Mistress means in the 21st Century.  Although often the word Kept is used for men and women who do not earn their own money, that would also define stay at home wives and husbands - those who do and do not have children - who are dependent on someone else for food, shelter, clothing, and a whole lot more.  I have to say that by suggesting that a Mistress is "servicing" a man, that the relationship is just another way a man pays for sex, turned me off and is inaccurate.

Reviewing the many Mistresses, Courtesans, and others profiled here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot, I can say there is plenty of evidence that there is a difference between them and Prostitutes. So maybe it's just Alice Little's prostitute mentality and she doesn't see that Mistresses have relationships with men they are not married to and that Courtesan's may too, but Mistresses choose their relationships. 

Relationships.

Basically, I agree with Nevada definition of Alice and her cohorts who live in brothels awaiting customers who pay for sex as prostitutes. I think applying the Courtesan label to herself is Alice's attempt to up her reputation because she charges so much and might be "choosing" only those customers who can afford her negotiated fees.

Earlier in this blog, I suggested that Courtesan describes a woman who, be it that she has one or many, chooses who she will have in her life, be it pure romance or just sex, or something inclusive of both. She has men vying for her company and she does well enough to reject those she is not interested in. Historically Courtesans want the rich life but that doesn't stop them from loving who they love or sharing their riches, including sometimes supporting lovers. Some spurn men who can't afford gifts such as jewelry, fine art, and houses but that used to be saving for a rainy day because there was no retirement. There wasn't a menu of "parties" with rates listed. Nor is the Courtesan hidden away in a bordello. She is out and about with her friends and companions.

Genuinely positive and warm feelings, even love, can exist between a Courtesan and her favorites. That's why Pamela Digby Churchill Harriman, was called The Courtesan of the Century. For many years before she married, she made it her life's work to make wonderful homes for her men, entertaining, dressing beautifully and being an interesting companion, and she stayed friendly with them even as they were breaking with her. This lifelong habit of having a generous spirit resulted in her becoming a fund raiser for the Democratic party. I would never confuse Pamela with a prostitute.

Let's ask these questions: Is a legal wife just "servicing" her husband, so she'll have a man father her children, live with her, maybe have difficulty getting out of a relationship with her, and support her financially?  

Does a woman who is living in a polygamous lifestyle and sharing a man knowingly with other women and who is willing to have as many children as is possible such as the Sister Wives  just "servicing" him?

I realize that most wives today also earn income, and today's Mistresses usually also earn some - or all - of their own income at regular jobs or have careers, but until fairly recently, certainly in the last couple centuries, most wives were totally dependent on their husbands for the financial support. To this day some women are resistant to marriage if a man cannot or will not do this for them. Women who were not married were vulnerable to being preyed upon.

Another "test" of a relationship is this: Would Alice Little or any of the other women who work at the legal brothel still arrange to see a man if they knew they would not be paid?  What if he paid many times and then showed up broke? My guess is no.

I can't ask "What if he pays for companionship and does not have sex?" because that does happen, however, the most modern of services now offered on a prostitute's menu is "the girlfriend experience." This is the paid for time the prostitute spends on a "date" such as going out to dinner, or as Alice Little says, seeing the sights, even going into Vegas (where prostitution is illegal), having fun and getting to know one another better. In my opinion the "Girlfriend Experience" is probably the most time consuming and expensive fantasy experience a customer can buy and much easier on the prostitute though she has to be an excellent actress to offer all that to one stranger after another. The so called Girlfriend Experience further blurs the line between what is or is not a relationship and is closer to the Escort Experience, which also, it is said, may not result in sexuality each and every time, but in which the escort is also said to provide companionship. Question again is if the woman who got paid by the hour, day, weekend, or week as an Escort or a Girlfriend will see that person if no money is paid.

Now flip this around and look at dating for women who expect not to have sex or feel at all obligated to have sex with someone, just because he paid for a movie or dinner or some other activity. He probably did pay because he did the asking and he has a higher income: more women with higher incomes are paying for dates as well as Keeping men. 

Dating one or several men, just taking one's time to get the know someone before having a serious commitment and waiting until then is not just Old Fashioned. It's recommended by many dating coaches as the best way to find someone to marry.

No one I know wants to accept a date, especially when she has just met someone, if she thinks or she feels sex with the man will be obligatory payment for a night out. No one I know wants to have a flirtation or simply be curious about another person and accept an invitation to meet with that person socially if they think or feel sex will be expected as payment. I know women who are in love with men who have, from the start, paid for every date but are not yet sexual with them.

I'm with the State of Nevada. When you go to a brothel, which is a place to have sex, legal or not, you are paying for sex with a prostitute, a woman who has sex with many men and/or women for payment, and that is the point, though for one reason or another sex may not happen.

One more thing: one of Alice Little's videos suggests that the fantasy of being with three uniformed "school girls" is certainly possible at the brothel. I don't know for how many more years she will appear youthful enough to play at being a schoolgirl. Because she is so short and has a girl-next-door face it's easy to imagine her in a school girl uniform.  I'm not comfortable that this pedophile's fantasy may be normalizing pedophilia.

Does this kind of "party" embolden a pedophile?


C 2021Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

Slight editing for clarity March 2025

Please note that in compliance with Google's Public Blogger Guidelines there is no sexually explicit photos or language in this blog, nor links to any sites associated with hiring prostitutes, pornography, etc.  In your comments, please post on topic and consider how you might speak in a college classroom.

Note: March and April 2019 were devoted to Courtesan of the 20th Century Pamela Digby Churchill Harriman, so if interested in learning more about her go to those posts!  Or you might want to run the word Courtesan through the search feature on this blog and see what comes up!

POLYAMORY : THE NEW LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS by DEBORAH M. ANAPOL : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVBIEW

  One of the things we do here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT is try to define Mistress, the role, and because the word is too often used to describe a woman who is the dominant one in an S and M relationship - or experience - I sometimes think I should have called this blog KEPT PEOPLE.  Once you start reading this blog, however, you know this is an ongoing discussion worthy of an college Woman's Studies class.  I bring this up because this book, Polyamory - the New Love Without Limits further challenged me. Focusing on agreements and compromise without a mention of the finances, I'm trying it all on.

What the author, Dr. Deborah M. Anapol, does most excellently is challenge the reader to ask themselves a whole lot of questions in order to define who you are and what you want ideally when it comes to relationships with one, two, three - even a whole group of people.  The book came out in 1997 and at that point Anapol had been helping people explore the New Paradigm of relationships for over a decade.  New Sexual Ethics.  Serial Monogamy?

She doesn't like serial monogamy.  She is opinionated to say; "Unlike lifelong monogamy, it (serial monogamy) allows us to express our polyamorous nature while maintaining a monogamous fiction in which our multiple mates are separated by linear time."  (Read that again...)

She warns us that Polyamory is not a synonym for promiscuity.  She points out the high percentage of affairs men and women have during marriage as full of lies, deceit, guilt, and broken commitments.

So are you ready to commit to TWO or MORE lovers?  (I'll bet some men who are keeping a mistress and reading this blog are ready to say YES!) To tell anyone you are about to get involved with the truth about yourself so they can decide if they want to continue with you?

Learn the difference between Open Relationships, having an Intimate Network, Group and Multilateral Marriage,  Swinging, Polyfidelity, and a Triad.

A few years ago I lived in a neighborhood that housed a Group Marriage.  It was actually two men and two women who considered themselves all married to each other.  They would leave - all four of them - arm in arm. I often wondered if that was to show the neighbors they were still intact.

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All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights

HEIDI FLEISS : GIRL NEXT DOOR TO HOLLYWOOD MADAM TO BIRD SANCTUARY! WAS BEING KEPT THE TURNING POINT FOR THIS UNUSUAL WOMAN?

HEIDI FLEISS - MISTRESS OF THE MONTH

The book Once More With Feeling by Jeanne Parrent (with author Bruce W. Cook) is the primary reference for this month's posts.  (The image on the book is a model and is not Heidi.) This book cover image was added August 2022. At the time I originally posted, no image was available.

I also watched the film "Call Me: The Rise and Fall of Heidi Fleiss" as part of my research and don't know how fictive it is.  It's on YouTube and came out in 2004. I read numerous articles on the Internet about HEIDI FLEISS' life, her arrest, trials, prison, and attempts to resurrect herself as a business woman.

In the pages before Once More With Feeling begins, it is stated that the information that is presented (which includes name dropping celebrities including Heidi Fleiss) was both verified by lie detector test and by a private investigator. That's compelling!  Parrent is known for a couple other "tell all" books including "You'll Never Make Love In This Town Again." The passages about Heidi come from one of the women who talked about her own life in Los Angeles as the daughter of a famous actor, Jennifer Young, whose dad was actor Gig Young. Jennifer was once a roommate with Heidi. 



Here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot, we learn that having a Sugar Daddy for a semester in college, a brief affair with a celebrity, or a thing with your married boss after hours probably isn't enough to fairly be called a "Mistress" or "Kept."  Yet we also know that being a Mistress does not require being Kept - financially supported by a man.

Last month we looked at a new lexicon for describing sexuality.  This month I want to start with the lexicon that's been used to describe Mistresses, Madams, and Sex Traffickers.

We know what a Classic Mistress is: she is a woman who is fully financially supported by a man, sometimes for many years or life - a house, investments - and can be called Kept.  She doesn't have to worry about money though she may have to find something to do to keep her busy during his absences and is on call when he's available. Perhaps she travels with him and inhabits one of his houses or has children with him - a second (or third or fourth... family for him - which he visits in another town or country as he travels for business. Usually she is unmarried but he is. 

Some people think that the era of the Classic Mistress is over. For sure there are probably many Classic Mistresses we will never know about because being very discrete, private, and secretive is usually part of their success. This blog would not be possible if it depended on my personal associations and relies on the famous or infamous, many whom have had books written about them or who have written their own memoirs.

Modern Mistresses tend to have their own work and income and involvement with a man may not be financial at all (so invalidating the Kept Woman stereotype) or her man simply makes life more pleasing with his financial contribution to their arrangement.  She may hesitate or refuse to actually quit her education or job or career.  She may be hoping that he will eventually marry her or she may have settled into the life she loves because she loves him. There are many possibilities.

Or there may be a "role reversal" and a woman may be Keeping a man the way Husbands used to keep Wives. I believe this is happening more and more often and sometimes the woman doesn't make much money but still does not require her man work for income.

The word "Madam" as in Hollywood Madam, which Heidi Fleiss was called, after her mentor, the previous Hollywood Madam, Alex Adams, was called that, also seems to be wrongly used and confused in the media.  

For instance I read one article on Ghislaine Maxwell, a woman accused of the serious offences of sex trafficking,  which called her Jeffery Epstein's Madam. There is no reason to think that any person who does not take a percentage or cut for introducing prostitutes to customers is a Madam and so I don't think that's the right term to use on Ghislaine. The accusations against Ghislaine Maxwell are that she was a "procurer" of underage girls and that she also abused them - or joined in sexually -making her someone who sexually assaulted underage girls.  Under the age of 18 girls are by law not considered mature enough to make adult decision and they are not adult women who chose to prostitute. And so if Ghislaine is guilty, and as I understand it from extensive reading around the Internet she cannot even be found to go on trial, then she would also rightly be called a sex trafficker.  But Madam?  No. And frankly, though being innocent and underage or scared to quit a relationship is important to consider, some of the girls and young women who Epstein may have used and paid, went home and came back again and again - and that goes against them.

The opposite of Madam? The word "Pimp" is applied to men who run prostitutes, generally thought of the less well paid "street walker" prostitute. Pandering is more often applied to a woman who provides introductions. Escorts are women who will likely have sex on "dates" but supposedly don't have to, at least not every time since a client might not want more than company or a kind of fake date to take somewhere when he isn't dating anyone. 

I recall from a Woman's Studies class I took in college that historically Madam's  (Women who owned brothels) generally provided better pay and conditions for prostitutes (and often, historically, their housing) and that generally things got more violent when men, as Pimps, took over. I also learned in a Woman's Studies class that casual prostitution, such as having one or two men other than one's husband or because one did not have a husband to make ends meet was not uncommon in the 19th century America. For some prostitution was and is the only way to prevent one's starvation (and that of children) or homelessness.

Sometimes a woman has no choice.  Sometimes a woman does.

I personally have a difficult time even imagining what it must be to prostitute.

So - So Heidi Fliess, the Girl Next Door whom I'm also electing to be our Mistress of the Month here at Mistress Manifesto, was properly called "The Hollywood Madam," though one book she wrote is called "Pandering." (She also wrote The Players Handbook for Men.)

She took a percentage of the earnings of those who worked for her - 40% - which they themselves turned over to her, in a kind of gentlewoman's agreement.  She was thus rightfully called a Madam.

In 1987 at the age of only 22 years old, she became a protégé of the previous Hollywood Madam, Alex.  in 1990 she became a Madam herself.  She was arrested on June 9, 1993. She was charged with pandering. She'd been earning -approximately half a million a year.  With inflation a typical sex for money arrangement would be about $3000 a night today. She hid money from the IRS with the help of her dad, who also got in trouble.  She spent 1997-2000 in a federal prison.

According to Heidi Fliess' own testimonial, there will never be another Madam in Hollywood like her again. She mentions she was only about 26 years old when she became a major success in that world. She saw and sees her time being a Madam to some of the highest paid prostitutes in history and introductions she made to some of the wealthiest and most important men to have been a win-win situation for her and her "girls." She says her girls were all looking for rich men to date and would likely have had sex for free on those dates. Instead they profited so that they could, assuming they saved and invested, and have more choice about their lives - their education - their own businesses.  Unlike Madam Alex, she refused to give the police information passed on to her by her prostitutes to them in exchange for being able to stay in business.

She wasn't the first and probably isn't the last Hollywood Madam.  In my opinion someone else has to be at it. I personally have not heard of any names.

Heidi, in a Madam's Code of Honor, also refused to name names from her so called "Little Black Book," which means she was honorable as a Madam and didn't take down anyone else when she was arrested and put out of business. (It's said that many in Hollywood and Corporate America sighed with relief.) Heidi eventually seems to have lost everything though she has made efforts to be a successful business person since the scandal.  She moved to Nevada and hoped to open a brothel for women clients there but did not succeed. Her little black book is described as several Gucci bound address books.

How did this Girl Next Door become a Madam?

Heidi Fleiss liked money and the things it could buy her. A daughter in a large family of six children with a doctor for a dad - one who made house calls! - Heidi grew up with enough, not the riches she wanted, but her entry into the social world of Los Angeles - Hollywood, allowed her to come into contact with some of the most powerful and important people in the world, not just in "the business" or "industry" of film making, but, she says, politics too. She was one of the girls who wanted to date rich men. A sports car - a gorgeous house to live in - but also eventually drugs. That's where she was at for some time in her young life.

Heidi could relate to all the young women she met who wanted rich boyfriends and she got one.  She traveled with him as his Mistress and got a taste of the rich life. His name was Bernie Cornfeld. She wanted to please him.  She was hurt and also challenged when she learned he wasn't faithful sexually. But she lived with him, traveled with him, and had sex with him for four years.  In my opinion, she lived the life of a Classic Mistress.  He was not the marrying kind.

Heidi decided she liked men over 40.  Older men.  They liked her.

After Bernie she got another boyfriend, this one, a film producer named Ivan Nagy.  This is where the story goes in a couple directions.  Some say it was Ivan who turned her over to Madam Alex.  He says that when he told Madam Alex he had a girl for her, Alex claimed to already be employing Heidi.

The story goes that Ivan and Heidi were actually a great together, that they sparked each other.  They liked to gamble.  A motivation for Heidi to enter into prostitution might have been to pay off her own gambling debts.

So Ivan Nagy had ties to Madam Alex in Los Angeles and he took her over there to make an introduction. Who was lying, I don't know.  It's also possible that Ivan conspired with Madam Alex to bring Heidi down.  Alex, long an informant to LAPD finally got busted and Heidi used that moment to take over her business.  After she prospered she may have grown tired of Ivan and wanted independence from him.

Heidi seems to have worked in the life as an internship.  She was studying Alex, how she did things, and ambitious to share the business.

She has said that she was "too lazy" to be a good prostitute, but her acumen for business began when she took cuts for referrals to other girls for baby sitting jobs as a teenager.  She and Alex got to be friends and by competing with her mentor, well, maybe Alex had something to do with her getting caught. 

After she did her time and was released she wondered what else she could do.  She considered opening a brothel of studly male prostitutes in Nevada. It didn't work out. She also had a relationship with legal Nevada brothel owner, Dennis Hof, now deceased. As things are today, Heidi lives in Nevada and her home is also a bird sanctuary.  Were I to give Heidi advice, I would tell her to turn her personal advocacy into an official nonprofit for her life's work has found her! Personally, I wish her love.  I think she needs lots of it.  She is paying the price for her gamble while only one of her male clients is known; the actor Charlie Sheen.
She didn't tell on him.

Some time after Heidi Fleiss had served time, I saw and recognized her while I was out and about doing errands.  We smiled at each other though we had never met before. I swear she let her shoulders down for an instant. I thought "She's the girl next door!"  It wasn't until I read the book and saw the film that I realized she had also served time as a Mistress.

Even though I can't imagine being a prostitute and wouldn't want anyone I love to be and I'm very concerned about the terms and conditions of prostitution and the effect having sex for money has on a person's psyche.  Even though I'm against porn because I think it can ruin people for the real sex they're likely to have in their lives... Even though I'm horrified by sex trafficking... I do think that there are some people out there who get into the world's oldest business by choice.

C 2020  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights

Please note that in compliance with Google's Public Blogger Guidelines there is no sexually explicit photos or language in this blog, nor links to any sites associated with hiring prostitutes, pornography, etc.  In your comments, please post on topic and consider how you might speak in a college classroom.

10th ANNIVERSARY of MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT

A whole decade ago, I had the idea for this blog, and began posting.  It took a while before I began with the Mistress of the Month magazine idea, but for a while I was just warming up.  Through these years there have been times when I thought I was going to run out of interesting Kept Women and Kept Men to feature or write about.  I haven't.  At the moment, I have no plans to stop blogging but I would love your suggestions.  Check out the list of persons and subjects  I've covered in the past which is called Archive in PAGES.  Do you know of someone I haven't covered that you can recommend?  Links, books - tell me what you know!  Leave a comment; all comments are read by me first and then published if they keep to my comments policy!

THANKS FOR READING MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT!

Missy

DEFINING COURTESAN

SHE CHOOSES WHO WILL SUPPORT HER...?

PAID FOR by RACHEL MORAN is DEVASTATING MEMOIR about HER LIFE THROUGH PROSTITUTION

One of the questions I have - we have - here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT - is the question of sex for pay and how that may or may not relate to being a Mistress.  I feel that the stereotype of a Mistress is that she is much like a Belle Epoch Courtesan, which is to say, if we consider our Mistress of the Month Valtesse de la Bigne and her 19th century contemporaries as an example, a high class prostitute.  However, this is a stereotype that I do not believe fits the contemporary Mistress who is more likely to have a relationship founded in a love affair with one married man (at least one at a time!) and consider herself to be married to him even if he's legally married to another.  One of the purposes of this blog is to look at the grey areas.  For there is an argument that relationships, including legal marriage that might accommodate a Mistress, are of choice, and that not everyone is a serial monogamist.  While I believe it is true that sexual attraction is a strong reason for becoming Kept, I also do not think that sex keeps a relationship together.  More has to happen and that more is often love.

The word "devastating" in the title of this post, is not hyperbole. I read this one by listening to an e-book and the reading was intense, as was the sophistication of the understanding Rachel Moran came to about herself, her life, and her profession. This woman's testimony will grab your heart and cut it into little pieces, as you read about the terribly impoverished childhood she had in a large family with parents who were both mentally ill.  You can feel that ache.
Listen up, please!
Like so many of today's teenage runaways and street children, Rachel's entry into prostitution was one of survival out of homelessness. She left an intolerable home life (which did not include being molested by her dad).  At fifteen she got a boyfriend, also a homeless person, and well, she saw the logic in becoming a prostitute, which she was by age fifteen, and she says telling men how old she was excited them.  For two years she managed to limit her sexual repertoire with paying men so that she did not have intercourse with them, but you will be riveted to hear of some of the perversions she encountered and complied with, including S and M relationships.  It was dehumanizing and she lost her self worth.
While there are a full range of sexualities to identify with, including asexuality, and some prostitutes are going to, like Valtesse, move forward into being the Mistress of just one man or a wife, Rachel Moran has a mission.  To let the world know that "real men" do not pick up prostitutes, even if they are called "call girls" or "escorts," or "exotic dancers."  She is a brave woman, and she has achieved freedom from her past as best as she can, after years of having her lack of self esteem reinforced through degradation.  Her advocacy against legalization of prostitution, includes the honest of this book, the many interviews she has done, videos ... in 1998 at age 22 she got out of the life.


Go to her website SPACE INTERNATIONAL RACHEL MORAN in order to learn more about her advocacy, her prestigious speaking engagements.... From that site, "In the millennium year she returned to education and completed a degree in Journalism from Dublin City University. She has been involved in the political push for the Nordic Model in Ireland since she first addressed the crowd gathered at the launch of the Turn Off The Red Light campaign in February, 2011. She has spoken at numerous international locations, including the United Nations Plaza in New York and Boston’s Harvard University. She works in conjunction with the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women and the European Women’s Lobby."

ANONYMOUS DEFINED MISTRESS : MISSY ASKS YOU!

"MISTRESS : SOMETHING BETWEEN A MISTER AND A MATTRESS"
- Anonymous

I ask YOU, is this funny?  Sexist?  I discovered it while doing some research on defining mistresses.  What definition of Mistress are you comfortable with?

Missy

OPINIONS on THE TERM MISTRESS from NEW YORK TIMES BLOGGER MARGARET SULLIVAN

BLOGS-NEW YORK TIMES - IS MISTRESS A WORD THAT HAS SEEN ITS BEST DAYS by MARGARET SULLIVAN

EXCERPTS:

Janet Mortenson of Houston wrote: “I would be delighted to see The Times stop using the word ‘mistress’ to describe a self-sufficient woman who is in a romantic relationship with a man.”

And Ellen Hymowitz of New York City asked if The Times “could summon up a less archaic word that didn’t demean the female by her sex or her gender.” She said that the term suggests “not just a female participant in a clandestine love affair but also that the affair is of a long-term nature and that the woman is ‘kept’ — financially supported — by the man.” ....  Philip B. Corbett, an editor said,"I agree that “mistress” has a somewhat old-fashioned tone to it that isn’t ideal (though I don’t accept the argument that it necessarily implies a financial arrangement; it doesn’t. First definition from American Heritage: “A woman who has a continuing sexual relationship with a man who is married to someone else.”

Missy here!  I'm editing the long piece that I had posted in Pages that discusses what I think about the use of the term.  Let's just say here briefly that I do not think adultery is necessary to the definition, and I do think that the Classic Mistress is Kept - or at least well cared for beyond her own earnings, but that most women who are Mistresses today do have or earn some of their own income - and should!

 

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