DA DA DA DA DATTA DA DAAAAAA

 

KISS BUT DON'T START WITH THE LIPS

While I was searching for images for this month's posts in public domain, I noticed that there were many of couples in passionate kisses... But a flirt may require less of a rush and more gentleness.  May I advice you linger to kiss a neck, a forehead, a cheek, before you go for the mouth and...  take weeks to get there?

Missy

PS.  The biggest excuse for giving someone a kiss whom you've never kissed is that it's their birthday.  The cheek or temple area is "safe."  Just be sure to make eye contact after that quick dash of a kiss.  Think "I sure would like more!"  Somehow that thought will make it from your brain into your eyes. 

LIKE TO GET TO KNOW YOU : SPANKY and OUR GANG

ASK QUESTIONS THAT ARE A LITTLE MORE THAN FRIENDLY

A good conversation always shows interest in the other person too; their experiences, opinion, advice, and well... Questions like these qualify as FLIRTING. You're going to have to smile and make eye contact, You'll have  dare. So have just a little bit of obvious flirting attitude when you ask these questions.  Hopefully the person you're having a conversation with will get into the mood and come back with some flirty answers too...

What’s your favorite way to flirt?

Have you ever had a crush on a friend?

What's your favorite pick up line?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

If we could have an adventure together, what kind of adventure would it be?

What's your favorite thing to do on a date?

LANGUAGE OF FLIRTATION - CONSIDER THE HAT : THE MOLLY BROWN HOUSE

Good thing we don't live in Victorian times because, if we did, we would have to learn an entire new way of flirting through signaling.  I found this Hat Flirtation list to be quite interesting and there is more at the site: MOLLY BROWN ORG THE LANGUAGE OF FLIRTING

Excerpt:

The history of flirtation using everyday objects can be traced back to the Augustan Roman poet Ovid, who was known, in part, for his poetry teaching about the arts of seduction and love. In Amores 1.4, Ovid directs his married girlfriend in the discreet ways of flirting using eyebrows, wine, hand signals, and jewelry:

Watch me and my nods and my expressive features:

Catch my furtive signs and you yourself return them.

Words that are spoken without voice, I shall speak with my eyebrows;

You will understand the words traced by my fingers, words written in wine.

When the wantonness of our love comes into your mind,

With tender thumb touch your blushing cheeks;

If you shall complain about me in the silence of your mind,

Your soft hand should hang from the end of your ear;

My dear light, when I do or say things which please you,

Turn your ring round and round your fingers;

Touch the table with your hand, as men in prayer do,

When you pray for many sufferings upon your deserving husband.

 

A LITTLE PRESENT FOR NO SPECIAL REASON - YOU WERE THINKING OF THEM WHILE AWAY

If you started dating someone, giving them an expensive gift may be inappropriate. If you spend too much, such as on jewelry with precious stones, they may even feel obliged to reject the gift.  The key here is to gift a person you want to warm up a romance with by choosing something nice that shows that you were thinking of them while away - out of town - on a vacation - on business. Have it in a box with some tissue and a simple ribbon. No need to go crazy on wrapping and bows. It's a little something - a flirt.

I like things you can buy at museum stores.  A book on an artist they like...  A scarf... a plastic dinosaur?  Please no postcards or tiny boxes of chocolate. 

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FUNNY VALENTINES

There are many kinds of Valentines you can send. Flirting is not serious.  So send a FUNNY Valentine.  This lets a person know you're interested but doesn't put pressure on them.  And the best way to avoid making them feel pressured is to give them a Valentine like you would when you were in grade school. If you can, choose a vintage valentine from when they themselves were in grade school, which will have a tinge of sentimental value.  (Got that?  If they were born in 1960, aim for 1965 - 1968!) Luckily there are Valentines all over the Internet that you can print out in color.

How will he or she know if you just gave them the Valentine because you're giving them out to all your friends.  They don't.  Which is good.

DANCING IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO WHISPER

Seek out the places in your area that hold dances. Slow dances. Not loud discos or parties. Perhaps a country club?  You don't need to be a champion in ballroom to hold on to someone - not too tight - not to close - but close enough for you to smell their scent and they, yours.  Dancing close gives you the opportunity to make eye contact, and you should.  Take this opportunity to whisper some sweet words.  "You smell good."  "You look so handsome/beautiful tonight." "I'm having a good time. I'm so glad you invited me!"  "I want to stay a while longer, but I'm looking forward to going home." "Save the last dance for me!"

Compliments such as these can get you everywhere.

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HOW TO FLIRT WITH A GUY AND STAY CLASSY (IT'S NOT SO TRICKY!) : MISSY SPEAKS

Among the various videos and articles I read about flirting, this one which is by Matt Boggs, very much typifies my best attitude about flirting. 

By the way, because I know you want to know, this past several months I've been flirting myself.  I finally found myself in a situation in which there are lots of men to flirt with. The men are telling jokes. The room is full of laughter.  And why not?  It's healthy.  It's healing.  Everyone is witty or trying to be, using their intelligence. The men may walk out of there into their ordinary life, but they all do so with their peacock feathers spread. My attitude is "no harm done." They feel good about themselves and so do I. They feel alive and happy as they walk out the door and so do I.  They look forward to the next time they have a good time. So do I.  It does not matter if they're in a relationship or not. Or if I am. It's all fun.

 

The other day four men had gravitated to my table, I looked around the room. Yes, there were other women there. For whatever reason, they were not participating in the socialization.  

Now, I'm not judging those women for wanting to be alone in their thoughts or too busy with their cell phones.  Among the men there is likely one or two who would like nothing more than to be with a woman who is more quiet. I don't know what their circumstances are in their lives. Maybe, though I see no wedding bands or engagement rings, they're in committed relationships or are in grief, having lost someone they love. I just bring this up because there is definitely the space for them to join the party. I would also welcome a new, good girlfriend, someone to go places and do things with. Their behavior is communicating that they're not available, not even for friendship with another women.  

You do not have to be the life of the party to engage with others. Flirting is also something you can do with your partner, someone you've made a commitment with.  If you're slogging along in a day to day relationship it may require you change your mindset. Go out on a date with your partner. Tell them when they look good or smell good.  Compliment them.  Hold hands as you walk along.  Make eye contact. Tell them you love them or that you thought about them all day...

Missy

THE SHORT BUT SWEET MASH NOTE

A mash note is not a love letter, it's just a note.

You do not have to be in love.  You do have to have a crush.

You might slip someone one of these:

Or...

Think of three things you honestly like about a person.

Then write something that is true, something like this:

I like your easy laugh,  that sparkle in your eyes.  When are you going to ask me out?

You can fold your note up like you did in junior high. You can put it in a tiny envelope spritzed with your cologne or perfume. The main thing is to pass it off to the person you're flirting with. Be brave. There must be some way to do that without anyone noticing?

What's this? They will think as they unfold...

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PARTIES ARE PERFECT FOR FLIRTING

Parties are perfect for flirting.  

Before you go, think of something light that you can talk about.  A funny experience you recently had...  Or a good joke (rated General Audience) that won't offend anyone... 

Put your smile on.

When you introduce yourself or someone else, it's OK to brag a little or mention a recent accomplishment, something people can talk with you or them about or remember you or them with. Just don't overdo it and try to be the star of the party. The star at a party is the person who invited you. Be sure to bring a little something as a gift and thank them for inviting you because they thought well of you and made that effort.

Be sure to circulate.You're there to mix. Chit chat and then move on. This is not the time to sit in a corner and talk problems with a friend you can call some other time.  And it's not the time to take off with someone you just met and turn it into a date. (If they ask, suggest they call.) 

You were invited by someone who thought well of you. Stick around for a reasonable time.  And it's your turn next to throw a party. If you cannot throw a party yourself, remember to call them and invite them out for coffee.

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KISS A HAND! CHARM and WIT

As seen in this Vintage illustration from Graphic's Fairy, a gentleman kissing a woman's hand appears to be a rather courtly, old fashioned thing to do.  Which is why it's funny if you do it these days. Kissing a hand comes from the days when a man could only kiss the lips of someone he intended to marry. 

Let's say you are on a first date and you are not one to invite someone up to coffee or a drink or into your bed so soon. Well, rather than a distant goodnight, or a formal handshake (which he may think of as "a handshake instead of a kiss" - a brush off) take his hand and give him one sweet kiss on the top of it.

Then swiftly, but looking back with a smile, go though the door - alone...

Flirting can include teasing.

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FLIRTING 101 : MISTRESS MANIFESTO'S FLIRTING ISSUE

Yes, my romantic readers, this month we are going to explore FLIRTING. I'll start out by admitting to you that I love to flirt!  Flirting can be fun and that's the best way to take it, as fun, to not read too much into it. Of course, it depends on what you say or what you do, what you're communicating with your flirt. Flirting can be just the thing that gets you noticed, signals to someone that you are interested, or that can lead to ROMANCE.  If you're in a relationship, it can keep the spark alive.

If you are already in a relationship, well, don't stop flirting.  If you've never flirted - start.

Everyone wants to feel noticed, beautiful, special. 

This month is going to be full of information on flirting. 

I'll have some good ideas for you.

It's up to you to follow through.

Let me know what happens!

Missy

NOT SHY

 

HOW TO TURN A CRUSH INTO A DATE? STOP HANGING OUT! : OPINION BY MISSY

Do you hang out somewhere?

Let's call this place Scenarios.

You find you somewhere besides your own place to spend time. It may be that you need to get out of the house, are lonely or want conversation, or your housemate needs space, or maybe you want to take your laptop to do some work, or there's some reading you want to catch up on. Maybe you're between jobs. Maybe you are looking for love. For whatever reason,  you find yourself hanging out. You find a comfortable coffee house, café, or maybe it's a bar or a restaurant, and you begin some friendly interactions there. 

For women, finding a place where there are some men of interest and a place to hang out can be difficult, especially if you have to go it alone. Check what it says on Yelp or some other reportage about the place before you become a hanger-outer. Does the place have a reputation? You're going to have to afford to hang out there. You're going to perhaps spend some time and money there before you get a feel for the place. You might be there often for a couple months before you realize that the scene there is mostly 12-Steppers out of meetings, or a man's-man boys club type place where even new men find it difficult to fit in, or perhaps it's mostly families with children which might be good if you have children you can bring along. 

After you've been around Scenarios for a while, you you realize that you have developed a crush on someone or they have of you. They are chatty. They are flirty. There is a gleam in their eye and you're picking up a vibe. You are interested. 

Your crush never gets around to asking you on a date. You don't ask them out either because you're one to let the man lead, at least for a while. Or because you don't want to be so aggressive that forevermore he'll assume you're chasing him.

What is a DATE by the way? I've been thinking about this and basically I think a date in the purest sense is a time and place where you have some one on one interaction, uninterrupted by others. It's get to know you time. Caution: Seeing someone around at Scenarios is NOT A DATE and you should not leave there with them, not even to go for a bite to eat, and blur the definition, though it's OK to meet up with a group for dinner or a game. 

In truth, the person at Scenarios doesn't want to ask you out because if it doesn't work out he may no longer have his hang out, least not for a while. He doesn't want a relationship to play out at the place. For all you know more than one man there is interested in you and among the men they've talked about it. (One friend had three men vying for her at a coffee house and then they discussed it and chose the one man who would go after her - someone she wasn't interested in. To me that's terrible. None of those men thought she had a say in it.)

What you have to do is not be so available. If you have not been going to this place regularly for not too long, say a month or so, you can vary your availability and cut back for starters. Your crush should go on down there and not find you. He should be wondering if you are ever coming back. Don't be surprised if he has his friends informing him about when they saw you last there - even what table you usually sit at.  

Or if you stay for hours, cut back to a couple hours. Don't stick around because you know he's going to show up, or just because he did just show up.

Let's say you used to go after work most weeknights. Cut back to one night a week. If you want dates, stay away on Friday and Saturdays, and maybe Sunday's too. If you go back after an absence and someone asks you where you've been just say you've been busy. Make no promises about when you will be back there. If you have been going on dates, don't say, "Oh I've been so busy. I'm dating." Don't say that when you have not. This is not about pretending.  It's not about trying to make someone jealous; that's pathetic. It's about being more private.

If you've been going to Scenarios a long time it may not be possible to regain privacy. If you have no choice such as another better place an easy commute away, you may become a little less available if you cut conversations short to get buried in your work. Be pleasant but be sure not to interrupt anyone's conversations, go to their table to say hi, automatically sit with them, or otherwise make it easy for them to talk to you. "Great seeing you around!"

There is a kind of friendship called a "Bar Relationship." This is when you have to go down to the bar /coffeehouse/cafe/wherever to see your friends. If you don't go there, no one will come looking for you. Months or years could go by and the same people may still be there when you come back. They will remember you maybe and be just as friendly but if the place goes out of business you might not know where anyone went.

That's because the friendships found in that place are based on the place and seldom go out of it. Sure some of these people do see each other around elsewhere - at work, church, another club, sports events, meetings, somewhere.

Crushes, however, need to lead to dates because otherwise they tie you up when nothing is actually happening. They are sparks that need to be tended to turn into flames.

Cutting back on how often you go to Scenarios, or not going there at all for a couple months may compel a man who wants his crush to turn into a date to ask you out, but of course you can't be unattainable. Usually a man asks for your phone number first. Here are some ideas for you that may help him along, a little.

First, if you have been going to this place suited up after work or perhaps in old jeans or some other clothing that makes you look like one of the boys, stop that. Change clothes before you go there. Wear a nice, modest outfit, not showing cleavage or your stomach, or too tight, but with some feminine "he would never wear this" touches such a flowery top or a big hat or a dress or skirt. Remind yourself you're female.

Second, you can make some of your contact information known in general, not specifically for him.  As you may know, I believe that everyone should have a simple social card to give out so you're not scratching for paper and a pen. It's OK to hand out your card to a number of people at the same time for your business - not the company where you work where no personal calls should be coming in - your business. "Just got some new cards." I would not give out my home number this way, but perhaps a voice mail for this purpose.

Here are some things to remember. 

1) When you have a crush on someone and you vary your availability it also tweaks you.  You won't see him as much maybe and you'll miss him. If you pray, pray for clarity.  

2) As my friend who was a mistress but ended up marrying an executive from a film company said, "If a man can't ask a woman on a date what else can he do?"

3) If you do start a relationship, you will probably have to let him have his hang out and stop going there completely. Otherwise, whenever you go in, it may be assumed you are looking for him. You can only do that if you are married and it's an emergency. Some men simply need to bond with other men. Sometimes they do this by girl-watching or having quasi competitions to get a date. In other words flirting should not be taken too seriously because some people do just enjoy the flirting.

*** For those of you who belong to a club, such as a 12 step program, well, you'll probably find that your meeting place is not a good place to start a dating relationship.

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SMITTEN - THE WAY OF THE BRILLIANT FLIRT by ARIEL KILEY and SIMONE KORNFELD

 "There's nothing hotter than being YOU!"

SMITTEN BOOK OFFICIAL SITE  Authors Ariel Kiley and Simone Kornfeld

I went off to my public library and ordered in several books on flirting.  This one was my favorite!

SMITTEN reveals an interesting FLIRTING PHILOSOPHY.

Be a self actualizing woman and you can communicate authentically, about yourself, while expressing true interest in others.  The authors will explain to you how to draw boundaries so that you can "handle" men who come on to you rudely, such as the Touchy-Feely, the Inappropriate Inquirer, The Degrading Flatter, the Spatial Smotherer, and the Dance-Floor Predator.  For the Inappropriate Inquirer try "Well, that's a bold thing to ask.  It seems etiquette has eluded you this evening, hmmm?"  (Page 78)  "Because Smitten techniques will cause all sorts of men to desire your affections, we strongly encourage you to get very specific about your wants/needs/values in advance."  (Page 89)  The 8 "earthshaking techniques include  THE QUIRKY QUESTION. UNINHIBITED ENTHUSIASM, REVEALING INTELLIGENCE, PURELY PINK, SECRET THOUGHTS, DECISIVE DECISIONS, the SMUTTY MOUTH, and the SECOND OF SILENCE.

EXCERPTS:

"The point of paying creative attention to  your look is not so that others will be awed by your genius ability to gain fashion inspiration from a cracked-up, washed-up oyster shell. Dressing in this way infuses your outfit with life.  It lets others get a glimpse of your distinctive vibrations, the particular pathways of your mind, your singular artistic aesthetic..."
(Page 66)

"As you become an increasingly brilliant flirt, it is inevitable that others will be drawn in by your undeniable radiance.  That is, of course, the point, but all this magnetism can result in various spatial, emotional, and sexual infringements - putting your personal boundaries to the test."
(Page 74)

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A FAN IS ALWAYS FLIRTATION!