IDEALS and REALITY : DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES

"I will not confuse my ideals and my reality."  

C 2009  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot First Published November 14,2009

INNER BEAUTY : DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES

"I will bring forth my inner beauty."  

Mistresses are often thought to be trading their outer beauty for wealth. But history doesn't prove this to be true. Some mistresses were plain looking, some heavy, and some were not especially intelligent. Yet they had their appeal. Personality - and compatibility - is important! And not all men who have mistresses are actually wealthy. Some are well to do or comfortable. Many mistresses are still providing most of their own support.

C 2009 -2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

First published September 12, 2009

TRUE TO SELF : DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES

"I shall be true to myself"

What does it mean to be true to yourself?  I think it's about self knowledge and acceptance and being genuine. Let's take Anna LaChapelle Clark as an example. Of course she had tremendous financial resources, but most women in her financial position felt obligated, even aspired to, be very social.  Such women spend most of their time reinforcing their position in society by make calls on other women of their stature. Dressing the part and making these calls took up much of their days. It seems Anna was just not into that lifestyle so she didn't bother. 

There is a peace in not having to be "on" all the time, of not being an actress, or not always trying to sell yourself or something. Anna preferred a more private life and to associate with those she chose, even if they were not as wealthy as she and W.C. Clark. 

Anna also chose to be with a man over 40 years older than she and, though they offered little explanation or apology for it, in a controversial relationship. She and W.C. chose to keep the relationship and not go out of their way to defend it or explain it other than making a public statement about it when he aspired to political office. It doesn't seem to have held his career back any.

Being true to yourself requires that you also let others be true to themselves and understand it when there are just some things someone else is not interested in or won't do.  You don't spend a lot of energy trying to change them.

C 2014 - 2015 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot First Published December 13, 2014

MY GIFTS : DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES

"My gifts may not be expensive, but they are just the thing, and beautifully presented."

Mistresses, especially those of you who are gifted generously and living the life of a millionairess because of your man and learning all about the good things in life, this may be difficult. You see so many beautiful things when you shop and travel and you want to give him a memento.

Still, if you are not equals economically, it is more important that you save your money than buy him expensive gifts that you cannot afford. BESIDES IF YOU HAVE NO INCOME OF YOUR OWN he sees that you are using the money he gave you to spend on him - as if you don't need it when you do.

For those of you who are working and have your own income, that does not equal what he earns, also be aware that something small and special, just right for him, even if it is not expensive, is what to do.

Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot C 2010-2024 All Rights including Internet and International Rights

First published December 11, 2010

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES : Answering the Question WHAT DO YOU DO?

"I'm prepared to give a brief answer when asked What Do You Do?"

Often, soon after someone asks you what your name is, they ask "What do you DO? They usually mean for work, how you make your living in this world. We are all so involved in what it is we do, that being unemployed even for a short while can be an embarrassment and we are always living for our resumes, where that streak of unemployment can be used against us.

But I, and many other people in today's world, are not at all embarrassed or ashamed of taking time off from employment, and perhaps LOVING WHAT WE DO has benefits, particularly when it comes to our mental, psychological, and physical health, beyond money.

Doing what you love and making money at it is the ideal. 

I suggest that you be prepared to answer the question of "What do you DO?" by giving an answer that covers both what you do for money and what you do for love if the two are not yet the same.  Your answer is a one sentence PR moment!

C 2016-2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - HEART

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Heart

"I'd rather be the Queen of Hearts than the Queen of Diamonds." 

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES : PRIORITIES

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Priorities from June 26, 2009

Knowing that there are many ways to love and be loved, I shall love myself most of all!

FINANCIAL PLANNING : DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Financial Planning from May 26, 2009

"I will always maintain my independence!"

A mistress should always maintain her independence. That includes keeping friendships with people who you know, not just those who you are friends with because you are part of a couple. Keep in touch with family - even if you cannot disclose your lifestyle to them. An it means having a way of making money enough to support yourself so that you will never be stranded in poverty.

A good mistress ALWAYS plans for her future, using her intelligence to get a career - even if it is part time and flexible - for herself. A good mistress doesn't get so "busy" that she forgets the important people in her life who were there before Him and hopefully will be there after...

C 2009 - 2023  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

DECLARATIONS FOR MISTRESSES - IN THE ARCHIVES

For a few years I would post DECLARATIONS FOR MISTRESSES.  This was tied into the title of this blog, MISTRESS MANIFESTO. See that tag below that says Manifesto - Declaration?  If you click on that, it should bring them all up.

SHARING

I'll bet when you saw the word "sharing" on the headline of this post, you thought I'd post an affirmation/declaration about sharing men!  Well, SHARING implies an interaction between two people at least, meaning that if you SHARE a man, then those of you who share him know about each other, at least that you both exist.

Actually...

"It doesn't have to be THANKSGIVING for me to share."

Share what you have.  It doesn't have to be a material thing, but whatever it is,  a stick of gum or your win from the lottery, share it graciously.

This post originally appeared here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot Thanksgiving 2015.  C 2015

MANIFESTO DECLARATIONS - SHOULD I CONTINUE POSTING THEM? SEND ME A COMMENT

Hello Readers,

For years now I've been posting "DECLARATIONS FOR MISTRESSES," which are based in AFFIRMATIONS and usually have some personal experience or opinion attached to them. These have tied in with the title of this blog MISTRESSMANIFESTO.BLOGSPOT.COM. 

I've been thinking of dropping these, though I think the ones already posted are valuable (and not just for mistresses), in favor of some other monthly column, maybe advice, maybe something else.

If you have an opinion or any ideas that you'd like to share let me know using COMMENTS.  Remember that if you do not want your comment to show, all you need to do is write DO NOT POST and I won't.  Your comment will not instantly post just because you hit send.

I'm interested in hearing if any or all of the DECLARATIONS FOR MISTRESSES has been helpful to you in your life.  

Missy

Note June 2021  I've just gone through the Declarations and added this flower image to help you locate them. I agree with myself - everything I posted in these Declarations.

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES : Lonely or Alone?

"I love my own company when I can't be out with Him or my friends."

It seems to me that one must decide if they are alone or lonely.  These two are assumed to be the same but they are not.  I know people who love to be alone.  Often that's because they love their own company and revel in all the things one does best alone, such as reading and writing, or indulging their creativity by painting, knitting, sewing. I have one friend who still goes to movies in theaters and loves to go alone. Some people however simply like to be in other people's company most of the time. If that's you, then you probably have a lot of friends because you need people.  If you're in a relationship with someone who is gone more often than not, and you're feeling lonely, maybe more lonely than you would be in you were not in that relationship, it's time to reconsider.  Such a relationship is probably against your nature and will get to you and bring you down eventually. 

Our Mistress of the Month Bruna Palombo seems to have been secluded.  While it was not in her nature to enjoy social life, she certainly needed to have a few good friends to keep her company and accept her lifestyle as she came to.

Today's women certainly have more opportunity to be out in the world and full of life that women of her era. So evaluate yourself.  Be alone but not lonely.

C 2017 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Man Sharing

"I decide.  If I man share knowingly that is my decision."

A bit of a meditation on MAN SHARING.

Back in high school, young women were so determined to declared themselves one man women, and young men were so determined to have a "girlfriend," that having a ring on your finger from him was not only important, it was fairly easy to get.  All he needed was a generous allowance or a job at the Drive Through Burger Stand. Then off to the jewelry store in the mall he went.

These rings were called "going steady" rings or even "pre-engagement" rings, and people took the status they inferred fairly seriously.  These rings, by my way of thinking, were also, "We're having sex but we're serious" rings.  Without one, you might just be sleeping around.  It just wasn't in our experience or our surroundings, with everyone's parents married, to think past the "good girl / bad girl" dichotomy, which was very much in place as if it were - the 1950's - even if that was long ago.  Nobody wanted to be thought of as a bad girl.  Good girls had rings.

Yet, it seemed to me that, just as seriously, certain girls - OK - CHEERLEADERS - did a lot of "giving back" of rings to declare themselves free and ready for - another young man - another ring!

So, just about graduation and prom time, there was a young man from another school who asked me to the prom and I said no.  I had spent some time with him hanging out at his house playing Scrabble and at my house watching TV - with our parents in the next room - and yet he had started rumors about me, claiming we'd had sex.  What a jerk! 
So I said no to the prom and he then went and asked another young woman from my school.  She was acting a bit haughty about it but I didn't care.

Proms seemed to me to be from out of the past.  I just wanted to graduate and never turn back.

But, to go ahead with my story here, off to the prom she went, and from what I heard he wasn't a perfect gentleman and she regretted it.  And soon it emerged that this young man had not only gone to our prom, but the prom as his school, and the prom at yet a third school!  With three different dates. How he ever met three young women to even ask or how he ever even afforded to go, who knows. 

All three young women, sans rings, were upset and angry. They had some romantic notion of what a prom date meant. And they had unintentionally shared a man, if only for a short time.

A few years ago a woman who had been a hippie, which I was never, told me about her man sharing experience in the 1960's while she was in college.  She, and two other women found out they were all having sex with the same man, who was playing them all as if they were the Only One.  This was pre legal abortion, they all had contraception, but he did not and it could have gone wrong for any or all of them.  So they decided they would play him.

One by one they called him and told him they need to Talk.  Then each woman told the man that, shockingly, she was pregnant and that she had not been with anyone else.  It was mean but they thought it was hilarious when he quit college and joined the army.  One can imagine what one unintended pregnancy might mean to a college student - but three? This woman was laughing about it years later. Now since they were all hippies I imagined they would be into the "Free Love" of man sharing, but they were not.

So now it's 2017 and there are women who knowingly and willingly man share.  Some of these women move in and have a Triad, others are Secret Mistresses, some are Ex Wives who don't want to live with their ex husbands any more but still, sometimes they feel as close as they once always were and still have sex even though they know he has Other Women. There are just endless varieties of reasons why but women do man share -  including the real or perceived lack of men in the vicinity though it seems to me that on-line dating may have helped - and it's not always out of desperation. 

There's so much talk about man sharing.  I hear senior citizen women do it a lot.  They all do lunch with a certain man.  No one involved is trying to be Exclusive. 
Is Exclusive only for people who want to be Traditional and Get Married and Have Children?

I thought of all of this as I thought about Ray Charles and his women.

You have to DECIDE.  Is it what you want to do with your life for now, for always?

C 2017 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Non-confrontation of Wives

"It's his place to deal with his wife, not mine. "

I know that when I use the word "SHOWDOWN" in a blog post title it attracts hits.  And oh, people love the "cat fight" between two women fighting over one man, hating each other like that, and maybe coming to physical violence.  A few years ago a couple Chinese women Kept by the same man went at it, someone posted it up on YouTube, and it enjoyed a lot of hits.  However, if any relationship you're in makes you get that mean and nasty, that physical, with another person, it's probably not a relationship for you.

Frankly, some men like women to fight or compete over them.  It doesn't have to be a wife - mistress situation.  I've always loathed people who go out of their way to try and make me jealous.  Sometime it's all more subtle - or maybe the term "passive aggressive" would be better - and the man just wants his ego stroked by one or both of the women he's dating or seeing or something - to reveal their passion for him. This type of person plays two people (or more) that he's involved with at the same time just to create such a situation.

However, when you're a Mistress, your place is aside your man's marriage, and sometimes your presence helps him stay married, but coming between them is never a good idea.

Yes, many a woman feels the need and right to confront the Other Woman, who thinks she is the Other Woman.  From what I've read it's even possible that the First Lady, Jacqueline Kennedy, gave a little phone call to Marilyn Monroe.

I'll never forget the time when I and my 20-something best girlfriend drove to the mall because she wanted to confront her Other Women. She and her man were not married, engaged, and hadn't even had the "going steady" talk.  No ring!  However, when she found out that the man she was sleeping with was also sleeping with this Other Woman who worked at one of those kiosks all alone, we were on our way.  I stood back as she went up to her and said, "I just want you to know X is sleeping with me."  I could see this Other Woman was shaken.  First of all, even if her boss wasn't around, she was at work.  Secondly, what could she say?

Now I'm more mature and if I have a friend who thinks doing something like this is a good idea, I would tell her I think not.

You have every right to stop having sex with another person and every right to break it off with them if your needs are not met.  But when he is married, that's his marriage, not yours.
So even if his wife shows up on your doorstep, my advice is to tell her she needs to deal with her husband.  I know it may be incredibly difficult to understand and to keep your mouth from going off, especially if you have good reason to Hate her for him, but really, it's his place not yours to deal with his wife.  Besides, she's probably at least as nice as you!

C 2017 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - When NOT to Wait

"I give it thought and decide when not to wait."

Have you ever heard the saying, "Timing is everything?"  It means that everything else is quite good, but ultimately what ever it is - a new film or music album to be launched - an invention to be financed - a relationship that should turn into a marriage -  a job you'd be proud to have on your resume - instead fails to thrive or succeed because it was the wrong time for it - too early - too late - never meant to be.

Many people have met someone so right for them that they felt themselves falling in love, then found out the person wasn't truly available because they were not even divorced yet, and hung in there hoping that that by putting in time, the day would come.  Sometimes it does!

Many people have found themselves waiting for a promised promotion that suddenly gets all turned around because the person they were to replaced decided not to retire, or the company itself goes bankrupt.

So there you are, qualified, ready, and you know what you want.  You don't want to believe you can't have what you want, and you've already put in so much effort, energy, time, you are sure you deserve it. 
You may have redirected your entire life for this goal. 
How do you know when waiting is not worth it? 
How do you know how much more time to give?

Every situation is so very different, that I can't pull a single number out of hat.  I've heard it said that a band should give the music business ten years, and then if they haven't made it, give up.  I've heard a decade is a good try for becoming a famous actor.  We know that there are lots of exceptions to these rules including people who have maybe not "made it," but who still love what they do and need to do it so much that they can be found playing small clubs all over the country and  acting in summer theatre in their town.  And some people feel it is worth it for them to have love in their life, even if they must share someone, than not at all.

So your decision must come not only at looking at the cold, hard facts, but accepting how it is you feel, and if you feel frustrated, bored, depressed, or, if you're loosing sleep, chances are you should have been out of there YESTERDAY!  Not that any of us can be happy all the time, but do ask yourself if you are fulfilled most of the time.  If you've had a long good run and are in a rough patch, maybe it's temporary?

Missy

C 2017  All Rights Reserved

MOTHERS DAY - DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Love Your Mummy

"Today is the day that I express my love to the mother or mothers who deserve my love."

There are so very many ways to love, something that Mistresses seem to know well. After all, their love is not always sanctioned by legal marriage. As a result, in order to avoid possible scandal, and to keep their relationship "as is," a mistress often accepts that she will never marry the person she loves, and keeps to a separate social group. If she has chosen well, she suffers less than the woman who has no love at all, and if years go by, it's quite possible she will have children, "extra matrimonial" children, who deserve all her love too.

What about her own mother?  Some Mistresses have mothers who have also been Mistresses, some Mistresses have mothers who have been kept from the truth, and some mothers are in the know but do not approve.

Some people have mothers who are easy to love, and some not, still, whatever your situation, try to love your mummy.  Don't forget her on this very American holiday.  Give her a call.  Tell her what you love about her.

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Being a Girlfriend Who'se Good and True - Fair and Foul Weather Friend

Reading Holly Madison's memoir about living in the Playboy Mansion as one of Hugh Hefner's Girlfriends, and then as the Main Girlfriend, and how she survived it, made me sad.  Despite being called a "Girlfriend" she had no good and true friends in the situation, and the situation was her life, unless you count one of the older women who had been with Hef as an assistant for decades who seemed to be there for her a little.  (I'm skeptical.) 

Holly would hope for someone new to be a friend, even recruit one, but the new woman's competitiveness or personality or drug addiction would soon end that hope. Who was there to speak with intelligence about any of her interests or real feelings?  Not Hef.  He chauvinistically had his circle of men friends for that. It does seem like his type was Blonde Bimbo, and Holly was willing to pretend to be that and act as if. She was alone and lonely surrounded by people.

It's always possible to have a "girlfriend" who is actually a man, gay or straight, platonic. There is something to be said for having other women, who live in a female body, and have female body issues like you do, as a friend.  I'm using the term girlfriend here to mean someone you are not sexual or romantic with.  (I know it may sound a little old fashioned or confuse some people but I don't mean necessarily a lesbian romance.) 

They say it takes being one to have one.  So, be a Good and True friend to at least one other woman.  Be that person who can listen well, understand or try to, have empathy, and be trustworthy. Be there when she needs you.  Save her reputation. Help her get good work. As in all relationships there has to be some give and take, as well as being both responsible for keeping the relationship going, no matter what's going on. 

Choose her well.  Then stick with her.

C 2017 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Celibacy

"I don't have to be sexually active. I can choose celibacy. Temporarily or forever.  To not be sexually active is a choice, an alternative, and an alternative way of being." 

Some of you may think of celibacy as abnormal or be surprised that a blog about Mistresses, who are popularly defined by their sexual activity, strange.  I think not.  There are still many women who prefer only to be sexual with a lover who they really love. They may feel pressure to have sex while dating and so not date.  They may arrive to their wedding as virgins.  Or they may be very selective about who they have relations with.  There are mistresses out there who didn't sleep with the men who they have devoted their life to right away.

Celibacy for some people is taking a break from sex and all the complications of sex.  Some people think celibacy is required to focus on other aspects of their lives, such as decisions they need to make.  They find the deep involvement and responsibility that comes with being lovers distracting.

So, don't feel obligated to be sexual.  Choose to be sexual and choose who to be with.

C 2017 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES : Answering the Question WHAT DO YOU DO?

"I'm prepared to give a brief answer when asked What Do You Do?"

Often, soon after someone asks you what your name is, they ask "What do you DO? They usually mean for work, how you make your living in this world. We are all so involved in what it is we do, that being unemployed even for a short while can be an embarrassment and we are always living for our resumes, where that streak of unemployment can be used against us.

But I, and many other people in today's world, are not at all embarrassed or ashamed of taking time off from employment, and perhaps LOVING WHAT WE DO has benefits, particularly when it comes to our mental, psychological, and physical health, beyond money.

Doing what you love and making money at it is the ideal. 

I suggest that you be prepared to answer the question of "What do you DO?" by giving an answer that covers both what you do for money and what you do for love if the two are not yet the same.  Your answer is a one sentence PR moment!

C 2016-2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES : Knowing Your Self Worth

"My gifts may not be expensive, but they are just the thing, and beautifully presented."

Mistresses, especially those of you who are gifted generously and living the life of a millionairess because of your man and learning all about the good things in life, this may be difficult. You see so many beautiful things when you shop and travel and you want to give him a memento.

Still, if you are not equals economically, it is more important that you save your money than buy him expensive gifts that you cannot afford. BESIDES IF YOU HAVE NO INCOME OF YOUR OWN he sees that you are using the money he gave you to spend on him - as if you don't need it when you do.

For those of you who are working and have your own income, that does not equal what he earns, also be aware that something small and special, just right for him, even if it is not expensive, is what to do.

Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot C 2010-2024 All Rights including Internet and International Rights

First published December 11, 2010