SEX ADDICTION : WHEN IS TOO MUCH TOO MUCH? : MISSY SPEAKS

I don't have the answer to that question. However, we can start with trying to define what sex addiction, which, in my opinion King Edward VII, once the Prince of Wales, had is.  Using Google AI, here is the consensus:

The official clinical term is CSBD = Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder. Classification: ICD-11 classifies it as an impulse-control disorder, not a chemical addiction.

"What it is NOT: The American Psychiatric Association (APA) did not include "sex addiction" in the DSM-5, although they recognize similar behaviors under "other specified sexual dysfunction".

Key Symptoms: Inability to control intense sexual impulses, engaging in sexual behavior despite negative consequences (e.g., relationship, financial, health issues), and using sexual acts to cope with stress or trauma.

Synonyms used: Hypersexuality, hypersexual disorder, or sexual dependence."

Let's say you are partnered and personal's involved have no complaints. Then probably we can say it's not too much (or too little.) 

Sometimes, however, incapability means that one or all go "outside the primary relationship." I have no way of knowing how often it is that a man has a mistress for this reason. I know that the notion that sex is the primary reason a man does have a wife and a mistress is a stereotype. I also know that some people have open relationships or otherwise knowingly allow or condone sexuality outside of the primary partnership. It's just that, as I see it, relationships are relationships because there is not just sexual motivation - more is going on there. 

I once had a man friend who had almost no sex with another person for years but, today, I would consider him a sex addict simply because of the relentless hunt for the woman or women he actually felt attracted to went on and on. Sometimes you can be friends with someone - good and close friends - for years and not know what they are all about in their very private life. You're friends and it's not part of your relationship maybe, certainly not essential. Then, you slowly begin to realize something or maybe someone else gives you a clue. 

Celibacy is a good choice for some people for various reasons. Fantasy may be healthy and a substitute for womanizing and may be about avoiding actually hurting real women without care or concern. (This was one of the reasons he said he was so careful to date but not jump into intimacy.) However, in this case, I was finally clued in, here and there, that my friend had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which had gotten worse with age. His own family and friends he had known years longer than I had, understood that. I would say that his parents had the responsibility and opportunity to get him to a doctor but they were codependent. Today I'm able to play armchair psychiatrist and "diagnose" my old friend; I still hesitate. I think that OCD, untreated, in his case, ties in with CSBD.

He married eventually, finding a woman of another race attractive, which I have no problem with but find interesting, considering how many women he passed by who were truly interested in him and attractive. It's my great hope that they love each other and have an excellent relationship. Perhaps she had the influence that I, as a friend, did not. Maybe she got him to the doctor and he's on some meds. For I fail to understand how falling in love and marrying can resolve years of hunting and fantacizing.

Missy

BEFORE WE BEGIN : THE BRITISH ROYAL FAMILY IS ON MY MIND

We will begin the month of April shortly: 

Last February 2025, I featured Lilly Langtry, a mistress of King Edward VII (when he was still Prince Edward) as Mistress of the Month.  My primary source for that month's posts came from Ian Graham's book titled "Scarlet Women" in which she was one of the women Graham wrote about. A couple months ago I went to a library where there were several books on King Edward VII (Great Britain) and his 'love life'. I took them home and read them.

In the last several months, partly because of the Jeffrey Epstein Sex Trafficking Scandal, which has only gotten more scandalous since the release of the Epstein Files, I've been thinking about the former Prince Andrew (stripped of his titles, honorariums, and all opportunities to work for Great Britain as a member of the Royal Family, now simply Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor) though he was raised as the second to the throne. I've been thinking of Sarah Ferguson, Andrew's wife and best friend since their divorce years ago. Both have been essentially banished and removed. 

I featured Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, and back in September of 2023. I found her memoir unexpectedly well written and interesting.

I've been reading news articles and listening to media coverage about the Royal Family and the issues they must deal with. I sometimes listen to the YouTube station which is owned by and stars Lady Colin Campbell, who I featured here in June of 2024. (Lady Colin Campbell is also a book author, famous for publishing the first book about Princess Diana and Prince Charles and their marriage.)

I don't agree with all her opinions but, as one of her son's said recently, she is a character and perceptive and often right.

Lady Colin Campbell discussed the reality of wives and mistresses in her family and among the British settled in Jamaica in her memoir about growing up in "Daughter of Narcissus".

She doesn't much like Prince Harry or his wife, Princess Meghan, and she once defended Prince Andrew, until she learned he was lying. And, as you most recent readers know, I devoted January of this year to Virginia Guiffre, and her book about being an Epstein sex trafficked survivor. Prince Andrew is in deep trouble as a result of his involvement with the evil Epstein.

I wonder, if it's true that, perhaps, the ex-Prince Andrew and his, as I see it, sex addiction which got him in such terrible trouble, is an inherited trait. Is it genetic? Nature versus nurture? Does it have something to do with being born into high status and riches, with what would seem to be extreme opportunity, but also strong expectations and limitations on what he might do with his blessed life?  Prince Harry was long a second to the throne just as Andrew was, and he has established a life very different than what was expected of him but, though I sense he is happy in his marriage and with his children, he is condemned for abandoning those expectations that he would be a helpmate to his older brother, future King Prince William. But let's face it. Harry certainly did some running around and partying and had other relationships while remaining unmarried until he settled down with his wife, however controversial they are. (Lady Colin Campbell is just one British media person who heavily condemns him and his wife. Frankly, I don't know how it is that the both of them are still standing because it seems there is nothing either of them can do without international criticism.)

These days the privacy granted pre-Internet of persons of high birth and high achievement by the media is gone. Back in the day, the British tabloids might have called Andrew "Randy Andy" but the details were generally kept from us. What emerged were well researched books about these interesting persons who, it could be said, had the world in their hands.

Of all the British princes and kings who have had mistresses, perhaps it is true that Edward Albert, Prince of Wales who became King Edward VII, was among King's who had mistresses, the British Royal most known to be a sex addict. Lillie Langtry was not his first lover, but his first well known and accepted (i.e. official) mistress after his marriage. Said to have been introduced to sex very young - perhaps fourteen - in Paris, the young prince, well before his marriage at twenty-one, was reportedly avid for sex and also went to prostitutes. Though he had some work before he became King and more after, he went about his official duties distracted by and intent on pleasure.

I will be focused on this monarch, who was Queen Elizabeth II's great grandfather, and his mistresses over the next months. I hope you will join in our discovery!

Missy

CHASING MEN? : OPINION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY:

Hi Missy

There is so much dating advice on the Internet, lots of YouTube videos put up by experts, and they mostly seem to say women should not chase men. Is Biology as Destiny still the thing? What's your opinion?

Mercedes

Nevada

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Hi Mercedes!

Life sure is more complicated because there are no longer strong rules based on gender about courtship behavior which we as a Western society overall wanted to be liberated from.  A hundred years ago a kiss could be taken for a promise of marriage in some sets. Do women really want to go back there to the days when a woman who had sex before marriage might be condemned for it, even be forced into prostitution because no one would marry her? 

Do men? 

I doubt it. 

However, people are confused, not only about what the right thing to do is, but what it is they personally want. 

What some people want is traditional gender roles in which the man pursues. 

There's also so many more opportunities to meet people because of the Internet - matchmaking - social networking - dating clubs - if you're interested.  I'm not attracted to that experience and have not tried it to this point.  I think meeting people in person is the best.

I was sitting at an outdoor table at a coffee house recently when a man asked if he could sit with me. There were no other tables open. This place is temporarily important to me because it has outdoor tables. What could I say?

He proceeded to talk about himself and his sex adventures. 

I found myself interested to a point. I thought, "Research for my blog!" 

After a bit I thought this man was simply a self-obsessed obnoxious bore. His phone was alerting him to one woman after another messaging him of her interest from one site after another. He said he felt he should "show respect" by responding to these women quickly.  I asked him if he was addicted to these alerts.  He said maybe.

He told me about three women he was having sex with, one he called "a hairy beast" who he had suggested a Brazilian to! Here he was naming women and saying who was or was not good at sex. The red headed Jewish actress who says she loves sex. The blond WASP heiress who says she isn't looking for marriage. The executive who seems to keep putting her business before him. Of course he's a lonely man and very likely a sex addict who should probably seek therapy. What about these women? Are they sex addicts too?  Do they think they've started up something exclusive with him?  I'm sure they have no idea that he's sitting with a woman and talking his sex with them. 

Besides his cell phone ringing with new women who claim interest in him, he said he was part of a group of five people who all agreed they could call each other up any time for a bootie call. It sounded civilized. At least among them this had been discussed and agreed upon.  I wondered if there was bisexuality in the group.

He had told me about walking down the Boardwalk with a camera years ago and how easy it was to take women back to his studio and have sex with them. Considering that today we must be concerned about so many SIDS, I listened without saying what I thought. 

Did he care about my opinion?  Probably not.  Does he think of me as a woman?  Probably not. (But he would still have sex with me if I said I wanted to because an addict is an addict.)  Did he think he was making me interested in him?  I was not - at all.

There are a lot of men like him because they are spoiled by women who offer so much, sometimes competitively, to men for so little. These are the advocates of sex as free who might ask you if you are "free spirited."

There are men who learn "tricks" for picking up women. Some men will say anything - even that they will marry you.

Women, if your self assessment is that this (sex) is just what you want to experience at this time of your life, at least use contraception and practice safer sex. Be concerned about your fertility and your health if not your emotions.

What if none of these women were signaling their interest in him?  What if his phone wasn't ringing with women who think they are interested in him based on a photo and a profile that brags his accomplishments?  What if he had to get out there and meet women in person, do the choosing and the wooing?  

Because of this type of man, I think it's in a woman's best interested to not initiate contact with a man or men. Will not contacting them prevent you from meeting such men?  No, but not initiating contact might cut down on the numbers of men a woman has to delete from her experience. If you're using the Internet to meet someone special, be sober about it. Even small rejections that happen well before there ever was a relationship can add up and hurt you.

I think at least initially a woman should let a man pursue her. I think "Slow down!"  If "All He Wants is Sex" he will not invest time in you. He will not show interest in your life, your experiences, your opinions. He will limit knowing you to knowing your body. If a relationship is established, a woman can be more contributing and initiating. Letting him start things up isn't a life sentence of repressed, traditional femininity.  Rather it's one of your filters.

Missy

C 2021  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

"HOT GIRLS WANTED" FILM RAISED MY FEMINIST ANGER

Over the  New Years holidays I had some down time to do nothing but watch films and among the many I watched was HOT GIRLS WANTED, a documentary that came out a few years ago.  I was unprepared with how upset I would feel watching it, learning that there are more hits to pornography sites than all the hits to Google and several other major sites, and most of it is amateur (meaning unpaid) porn that young women, 18-21, have posted themselves, in an attempt to gain popularity, competitively for hits, and to try to launch themselves into the professional porn industry. Much of the porn is degradation and violence against women so the men who like this stuff are clearly too screwed up and should be avoided - if you learn the truth about them in time.  Apparently many men are investing in that. Obviously their hatred of women and sexual perversion (I know - an unpopular word these days) results in wanting to see pretty beautiful women being treated horribly.  

My feminist anger rose. 

I had no idea about some of it. And I thought about all the women friends I've had who started hating dating and hating sex and hating men because they were treated so badly, though not as badly as these women were. 

I reminded myself that MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT is a Woman's Studies site basically and how in college almost no men took a Woman's Studies class.

These turned-pro porn actresses knew in advance what they were going to do, yes. They were offered pay and were paid. Some got sick, tired, disillusioned.  One was lucky enough to end up with a boyfriend who loved her anyway.

There is money in it, but not necessarily money enough for saving for one's future, such as paying for an education to gain a career or to invest for one's old age. The average young woman answers an ad such as on Craig's List and takes a free flight to Florida. It's explained that while Los Angeles, perhaps more specifically The San Fernando Valley - Chatsworth, had been the porn capital, once the law changed and actors had to use protection, Florida has no such laws.  Hello VD, AIDS, unplanned pregnancy?

Parents usually find out in about a month. Neighbors are looking at these porn sites and recognize the woman they graduated high school or went to college with. The small town these women fled for this experience may never allow them to forget it. Is there life after porn?  Since this seems to be a Internet-generational experience, perhaps because it's so common, more yes than no?  Still, I feel sorry for young women who choose this experience which I feel is part of their youth and inexperience, their immaturity but I question, seriously, why anyone would want to trade their self respect and self esteem for money in such a blatant, harsh, and cruel way.  

Where is the love?

The young man who is something of a procurer/agent/middle man and who lets them live with him seems also to have no interest in life other than making money.  I wonder if it's world of sociopaths we're living in.  These "girls" are used up and spit out. 

And so I think love is in short supply. 

If you have it, cherish it. 

Missy