TALKING TILL SUNRISE : DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and SUICIDE and EATING DISORDERS : SOME PHONE NUMBERS FOR YOU IF YOU NEED THEM!

This month's posts have reminded me that Domestic Violence is not restricted to the poor, as is stereotyped, and that Suicide is not the way to solve emotional and psychological pain.  I want you, my readers, to be as healthy in body and mind as one can be. So I'm going to offer a couple phone numbers that may be the first step to improving your life if you are suffering. Though I don't personally deal with Domestic Violence and have never been Suicidal, friends of mine have been. I'm not making light of these issues at all.

Yes, I've talked on the phone for many hours with a friend who was depressed and in therapy and mostly it was all over a man, a man who was actually a good man but simply working on his PhD. and had little time for women in general, but was just not that interested in her. They were not having an affair. Not yet, anyway. She was obsessed with him and had developed quite a fantasy about what might happen in their relationship simply because they went for coffee and held hands on a walk. I stayed on the phone with her - long distance - until the sun rose and she could call her therapist for an emergency appointment.

We live and learn. All these years later, I have more knowledge and experience, and think I would probably deal with women friends who were in relationships that would never make them happy a bit differently. I never played therapist and suggesting therapy to another person took a long time for me to do. I still think that having a confidant or two is important and that loyalty and faithfulness in friendships is so important. However, sometimes as a close personal friend it takes you a while to realize that your friend who is in such pain needs someone to talk to who has a professional perspective.

I recently met a young woman who told me that talking about your personal life or problems to strangers made it obvious to her that a person needed to be in therapy. I do not agree with that. Sometimes disclosure and sharing are exactly how people bond and find out they have some things in common. (I also found out later that this particular young woman had serious problems such as drug addiction, a petty criminal record, and so on, so she was intensely in to therapy.) No, a therapist is not a friend!  They are paid professionals with education and experience in the field of psychology. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can prescribe medications. Usually a person sees a therapist first.  (And if you're in therapy and it's not helping, you may need to switch to a different one.) With a friend I'm not able to be objective like a professional might be.

Understanding what is or is not abuse or violence is important just as understanding what is or is not depression rather than just a bad mood or sadness.  

If you find yourself in a relationship or circumstances like Maria Callas did, well, this is 2024 and you don't have to be tortured like Maria. 

988 is the designated number to go right to SUICIDE PREVENTION and CRISIS HOTLINE - and you can SMS (text) with them too. The previous 988 Lifeline phone number 800-273-8255 will always remain available to people in emotional distress or suicidal crisis.

https://988lifeline.org/current-events/the-lifeline-and-988/

And then there's the NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE

Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service 

800-799-7233  SMS: (Text) BEGIN to 88788

https://www.thehotline.org/

I suspect that Maria Callas had an eating disorder.

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa & Associated Disorders (ANAD): The Helpline 888-375-7767 is open Monday to Friday.

Missy

L'WREN SCOTT LESSONS ON THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING : OPINION BY MISSY

Back in April of 2011 I elected JERRY HALL as ? Mistress? of the Month. Jerry is known as the woman who had FOUR children with Mick Jagger.  She wanted to marry him for years and he finally married her, but when they "divorced" the marriage was "annulled."  (I have to ask how so!)   Worth at least $300 million (the reports vary)  Jerry called him "very generous" over a settlement of about $7 million!  (Too bad they didn't have a legal marriage in California - a community property state!)

I also posted about L'WREN SCOTT, who was Mick Jagger's lady for about a decade at that point, and who became his long term "best friend and lover" as he calls her.   She died owing about $6 million and Mick is said to have financed her fashion business for years.

The news that L'Wren Scott commit suicide on this first day of spring, when I should be enjoying the  uplifting weather, has me thinking about her and feeling rather down myself. 

L'Wren was an accomplished stylist to the stars and fashion designer who had been legally married to lesser millionaires than the Rolling Stone's singer twice before.  Reports on the Internet are numerous and mostly repetitive, some suggesting that her business had failed and that she was depressed over remaining unmarried and childless and perhaps not being invited on the Rolling Stone's tour of Australia and New Zealand with their large entourage.

One of the reports that touched me the most was that the actress Ellen Barkin, a good friend of L'Wren's, was one of the people who went and sat with L'Wren's dead body until she was taken away.  And I keep thinking, when I hear L'Wren tied her neck by a scarf to a door handle and knelt, is how that worked.  L'Wren was six foot three or four without the high heels, but I don't get how you kneel and hang!

The act of suicide by one so physically healthy, beautiful, talented, and barely old, is so difficult to understand.  Mick Jagger had two previous girlfriends, in the 1960's, who were also so depressed when he broke with them to have attempted it, Chrissie and Marianne.

But if I may, there are lessons to be learned by L'Wren Scott's life...

**************

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number

1-800-273-8255

 

************

First of all, if you are feeling depressed and isolating yourself, be it over a man, a career, a whole bunch of things or just one damn thing, there is so much help out there for you!  In recent years it's been said that one woman in four will go through a serious bout of depression in her lifetime.  Yes, there are meds and maybe you'll only need them as you talk things out, make some decisions, and go through a rough transition. 

Don't be TOO PROUD to get that help! 

Secondly, I think L'Wren was in the position of being a mistress, not one hidden away, but a mistress, when she wanted to be a wife.  IF YOU WANT TO BE A WIFE, IF YOU WANT LEGAL MARRIAGE, don't get yourself hung up in a relationship with a man who is NOT EXCLUSIVELY AVAILABLE FOR MARRIAGE.  This can be because he is married, because he is adverse to marriage, because he is not ready to be married to anyone, or because he doesn't want to marry you!  (You could almost say that you can't take that personally!)

If your man sleeps around he's putting you in danger.  He can bring home diseases that will wreck your fertility and chances of having children.  I have always heard that Mick Jagger is a sex addict.  I've heard this from people who say they were close to the camp.   I don't know what to think since the man is now 70 and you might think he started slowing down long ago.  But whatever your marital status, when you go to the gyne, get checked for everything, and go often if you or your lover have others.  (Men should also be checked for STD's frequently!)

CNN: CORONER ON SCOTT SUICIDE

If you are thinking of suicide - thinking about pills, guns, scarves, nooses, or elevators to the top of a skyscraper, believe me, you probably are at least temporarily mentally ill. You may be in such pain that you can't think of others any more but believe it, if you kill yourself, you will HURT other people.  

So do you want to HURT THEM or BE OUT OF PAIN YOURSELF?  How about you get well, get out of bad relationships?

Your children especially are owed more. You will leave them abandoned and wondering and you'll leave a legacy for your children to cope with.  So with that last bit of hope you can spare, for them, you must get help.

DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF.  Admitting your weaknesses is as important as admitting your strengths.  Don't get sucked into the denial of "positive thinking" about yourself, your life.  Speak up when you want more or different!  L'Wren is said to have wanted marriage and children but felt that she would loose Mick if she brought it up.  Why is it that so many very accomplished women are AFRAID to tell a man what they want in general or what they want with him when they are giving so much of themselves and their lives to him?

If you've been in a relationship that has been long enough to have a history, sentimentality, ageing, finances, and so much more can KEEP YOU THERE, keep you from leaving.  I'm sure L'Wren felt overwhelmed with failure, as if nothing was going her way, but even if that were so,  her sense of not being valuable on this planet just as a human is heart breaking.*

WHO WAS IT THAT SAID "YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING NOT A HUMAN DOING!"

Note: March 24 - 27 2014 : I have slightly rewritten the original post because when I read it on someone else's computer, I realized it might have been a little confusing.  Tomorrow is L'Wren's funeral in Hollywood.  She was cremated and her ashes split between the Jagger Family and her Utah family.  I do not condemn her to hell eternal for the act of suicide, and I hope she is there in her spirit.  I even feel sorry for Mick Jagger.

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