G R O U P I E S ...
This month we're looking at Groupies as part of defining not only them, but Mistresses. There's no question that some Groupies have become Mistresses, but yet, it seems to me that, in general, a Groupie, while she is one, must have a very different mind set than a Mistress. For a Groupie tells her tales, if not in books she's published, then to her friends - her peers - on her scene, while a Mistress tends to have a deep sense of privacy, and is usually discreet and careful as a condition of her ongoing relationship.
A Groupie may revel in her conquests, even the competition she has with other groupies, while a Mistress may revel in being special and important to just one man, in a relationship - at least one relationship at a time!
Though some Groupies have gone along with a band on tour and had their expenses paid for - plane tickets - meals - and been gifted clothing, jewelry, and so on - many of them have paid their own way along the road, into concerts, and bought those plane tickets and hotel rooms out of their own money or simply stayed in their own home town to meet and greet the bands that come to play local.
Of all the Groupies I've heard about or read about, there is one in particular who managed to move from Groupie to Wife, putting in some time as a Mistress of sorts while she awaited a divorce and marriage, and that is the "Supergroupie," Pamela Miller Des Barres. This month will be a lot about Pamela, who has become a prolific book author, but also look at some of the other groupies who she has written about.
Here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO we've dedicated months to May Pang (Mistress of ex Beatle John Lennon), Jerry Hall, who hung in there with Mick Jagger of Rolling Stones fame to the tune of four children, to the question of Who Was Door's singer/poet/songwriter Jim Morrison's wife and who was his Mistress (was it long red haired Pamela Courson or long red haired Patricia Kennealy and where does long haired blonde Judy Huddleston fit in?) We've dedicated a month to Ginger Alden, live in Mistress of Elvis Presley who was awaiting marriage when he died. We've learned about the prolific and enduring Bob Dylan whose mysterious Mistress-Muse, Ruth Tryangiel, legally claimed to have helped him write some songs. We recently covered the Mistress of Ringo Starr, Nancy Lee Andrews. And if you're interested, We also devoted a month to Jillian Laurel, who went from New Jersey to being in a Harem, but who has since been married to a music man.
These women, who had relationships with Music Men, were not Groupies, even though they dated or lived with or had long romances with men who were singers, songwriters, and musicians. It can get confusing.
For instance Linda McCartney (who I've never thought of as a Mistress), ex Beatle Paul McCartney's first wife; was she or wasn't she a Groupie first? I think she was, but her long and happy marriage with Paul, who was no saint sexually back in his Beatle-fame days, sort of cancelled out her Groupie time. Which, if you've read my profile of football famous O.J. Simpson's Mistress turned wife, Nicole Brown, you may know is a theory of mine, that Mistress time is forgiven if the relationship turns into marriage. Paul married Linda and they were faithful to each other all those married years and rather than have a high courtesan aspect to her personality, she was the mothering archetype.
But Groupie time that doesn't turn into marriage is not so forgiven and perhaps this is the ultimate in sexism. Some of the Rock Gods who Groupies have had sex with pride themselves - and brag about - the hundreds of women they've had sex with. Why can't a woman do so also and get away with it like that?
These men seemed entitled to so many women and so much sex without any commitment at all, trading the power of fame for it. So many Groupies became infamous for being aggressive and seeing men as prey rather than famous for having lived it the other way around. The old Double Standard.
Why are Pamela Des Barres, Lori "Lightening" Maddox, Cynthia Plaster Caster, Sweet Connie, or any number of other women who might be Rock Goddesses called Groupies?
Is it because they became known more for sexuality with a number of rock stars, even though sometimes there was a real relationship happening? Is it because some of them sometimes wanted nothing more than five minutes, an hour, a night, or a short term fling while the man was in town, only to say they had sex with him, only to brag, to score, to compete with other Groupies? Is it because their competitiveness with other women to get with such a man may be not very nice to other women?
Is it because they self declared, or revealed themselves as such? In Pamela Des Barres' books she exposes her Groupieness and takes pride in it.
What was it like to be so sure of yourself, and so unafraid, that you might not even be of legal age yet, but driven for that special back stage pass into the inner sanctum of a Rock God's life, that you could not only meet him, talk with him, be a muse, but also his lover, if not the Great Love of His Life?
Or, perhaps, is it because these women had and used CHOICE, which is its own power.
This is year 2016, fifty years or so from the Sexual Revolution and the beginnings of the Rock and Roll Revolution, the Summer of Love, and the first stirrings of a new wave of Feminism that was about Sexual Freedom, linked into the Contraceptive, the Pill. And what some of the Groupies, women who followed music and the men who made it (though there were male groupies too), did, being promiscuous, even if they were "in-love," with lots of men, back then, made them uncommon women in their time. Women having conquests, feeling free to be sexual with a great number of men they barely know isn't as unusual now. It's not the lifestyle most women aspire to. It's not a lifestyle that's easy to have. It's also now much more dangerous because of STD's, the most fearsome of them all being AIDS/HIV.
A Groupie is a woman who is sexual, who makes herself available, to a man she finds desirable, maybe because he's a musical genius, maybe because he's a sexy musical genius, or a sexy and seductive musical genius, or maybe simply because he's famous, a name, and she's willing and able to play a game that men have played. She is not apologetic for being sexual.
This month I'll be covering some of the Groupies who had that label applied to them and others who themselves applied the label!
Missy
Read more about Groupies including videos, book reviews, a profile of Pamela Des Barres, and more this month! To read about musical muses and Mistresses such as Jerry Hall, Nancy Lee Andrews, May Pang, Ginger Alden, Patricia Kennealy... (you might also want to read the updated ANGELYN who is NOT a GROUPIE) , please use the Google Blogger Search feature embedded in the side bar to bring up posts! Missy
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Pamela DesBarres, born Pamela Miller, once upon a time Queen of the (Los Angeles) Groupies, is now a successful author based on a number of books she's published such as "I'm With The Band," and "Let's Spend The Night Together," and "Take Another Piece Of My Heart." These books recount her adventures as a Groupie, and then as a woman (eventually) married to a British rock star, Michael Des Barres, as well as the mother of a brilliant child, who goes through a divorce. Her writing is always explicit, exciting, and heart-full. I've read every one of her books over the years. 
