A MERRY OLDE ENGLAND CHRISTMAS

It happens.... 

Hello My Dear Readers...

In the Mediterranean climate of Southern California this season, palm trees swaying in the breeze and beach days still possible, I imagine instead the snowy Continental Climate of Europe or the Temperate Maritime Climate of the British Isles. I listen to classical music and I make pots of tea and bake some scones - or at least purchase some from Trader Joes market. Though I no longer put up a Christmas tree, I do like to have a few branches of fresh pine in the house to scent the air. I arrange ornaments in bowls as centerpieces for the table. I pull out old photographs and a few toys that were mine as a child and leave them out to look at. Sometimes I just want to be alone with a good book. Sometimes I indulge myself socially. I don't have a fireplace but if you're from the snow belt, well, you might be amazed at how many people here do. There's a smell of wood fire in the air on the colder nights. (Few of us actually run our heaters unless we have a cold streak. Instead we actually get under quilts.) If ever there's a time to wear flannel here, this is the time.  

In order to celebrate Merry Olde England, I've mined past posts to bring you a variety of Great British mistresses. You can use the side bar where past posts are archived to bring up the entire year and month and read through... Some interesting reading awaits you as you nosh on crackers and cheese and a glass of wine.

So cozy up and enjoy the season with me!

Missy

PS:  I do have the names of some British Isle's Mistresses I haven't covered yet. If you have suggestions please leave me a comment. If you want your comment to remain unpublished, just start out your message with the words Do Not Publish!

CASSANDRA PETERSON ON THE SEXUAL ASSAULT SHE EXPERIENCED BY A CELEBRITY BASKETBALL SPORTS FIGURE

In perhaps the most horrific passage in her book, 'Yours Cuelly, Elvira' is the sexual assault that Cassandra experienced. To comply with the Google requirements for no sexual explicity, I have not changed any words below, but I have stopped at the ...

Excerpt:

"The other episode involved my friend "Unce Wilty' who I'd run into once or twice at the Playboy mansion since moving back to L.A.

In Las Vegas, whenever Wilt was in town, he and Sunny frequently slept over at the house I shared with her and our other roommates, and spent a lot of time hanging around the pool.  I got to know him and liked him a lot. He was flirty, although always respectful, but he did have a big ego to go along with his big body and big career. He was smart, interesting, and funny, and damn was he big. He towered over us at seven-one. We took a picture together by our pool one time and in it I look like a munchkin, only coming up a little above his waist. It was crazy how big he was - not just tall like his friend Lou Alcinder (aka Kareem Abdul-Jabber) who I'd met with him on a couple occasions, but huge, weighing in at 300 pounds. My entire outstretched hand just fit into his palm.

Wilt had always flirted and kidded around with me, but he was never pushy or rude. He was rich, good looking, and famous, so he had girls coming out of the woodwork. He hardly needed to force himself on anyone like me. I was somehow always able to deflect his advances by joking around, and he'd always laugh and slough it off. I'd known him for so long, I trusted him and felt comfortable around him.  ...

The third time I went to his house for a party, my friend bailed on me at the last minute, so I went alone. An hour or so into the party, he asked if I had seen the closet he'd built for his basketball jerseys from the various teams he'd played with over the years. As I shook my head no, he led me through his bedroom and into his closet, which was roughly the size of my single apartment.  I stood marveling at the rows of size fifteen shoes while he pulled jerseys off the rack  - the Philadelphia Warriors,  the Harlem Globetrotters, the L.A. Lakers - and laid them out on the center island for me to see.  "Wow!", I gasped, trying to look impressed even though I didn't know a thing about basketball. Suddenly, with no warning, he grabbed me from behind, gripped my neck with one gigantic hand, and shoved his sweatpants down with the other. ...

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" he asked.

I didn't respond. My face burned with anger and humiliation as he chuckled to himself on his way out of the closet. It all happened so fast I was still in shock. Trembling, I made sure he was gone, then ran into his bathroom, locked the door, and puked into his giant-sized toilet. ...

***

She never heard from this predatory narcissist "friend" again.  He knew what he was doing. This is the story of a man who a woman had known for some time, at least to the point where he had been welcome in her home and she his. And of a celebrity who bragged about having sex with thousands of women. One wonders how many of these women were raped. Cassandra said who would believe an out of work actress and ex stripper. I wish it were "Who would believe an outsized sports figure."

Well, I believe her.

What is the answer here? To never flirt? To never be friendly? To never go to a party? To never trust a man who is a friend? 

****

Please note that I listened to this book as an audio book in which Cassandra Petersen herself reads, and then I got the e-book. My download shows page numbers 252-254 which depends on the size of text one chooses. I do hope you'll want to read this book, just as I hope I've lead you to other books that are worthy of your time reading!  

Missy

BATTLE OF VERSAILLES by ROBIN GIVHAN : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

  Exactly when did newbie American fashion designers prove their worth and beat out the Old Guard Europeans on their own turf?  The exciting story of the Battle of Versailles by author Robin Givhan is the inside fashion show story that took place on November 23rd,1973. A great part of that story is not just the designers or the fashions but the American Models, including African-American/Black models who walked their walk, their personalities shining through in the immense and light filled palace of Versailles.
Started as a fundraiser for the Palace in need of 60 million in restoration, with singer-dancer Liza Minelli as entertainment and ex pat African American Josephine Baker an honored invitee,  there was a pre-event dinner at Maxims, a party in honor of Lisa and designer Halston.  It only cost $20,000 per plate but 800 attended.
The French models showed the clothes they wore by French designers in a classic mode while the Americans proved that the time had come for ready-to-wear clothing to be acceptable to the upper classes.  In the 1960's about 20,000 women in the entire world kept the couture houses busy making exquisite custom made clothing, in particular gowns and dresses for special occasions. Fashion houses in the United States tended to copy French fashions and wealthy Americans went to Paris to buy. But what about women who had money to spend but not that much money?
The guest list included Princess Grace of Monaco, nobility, and that mix of celebrity that brought the Europeans, philanthropists and members of the Best Dressed List including American women who went to Europe to buy their wardrobes. Diana Vree3dland, Nan Kemperer, Deeda Blair, Lynn Wyatt, Babe Paley, Betsy Bloomingdale, the Duchess of Windsor, wealthiest woman in the world Liliane Bettencourt of L'Oriel fame, and other women you've probably read about in Women's Wear Daily, Vanity Fair, or Town and Country magazines.They wore their jewels, their tiaras.
It was not until the end of the 1920's that off the rack clothing came to be.  Until then nobility set trends and wealthy American women went to Paris.  American designers tended to copy Paris fashions.  Common people sewed their own clothing.  Charles Frederick Worth started Couture in Paris in the mid 19th century.  His House of Worth allowed wealthy women to have their own fashions made for them.


Chapter 1 page 12 of 29 of the e-book
"Historically clients maintained close relationships with their vendeuses, who were not just salespeople, but also social arbiters, gatekeepers, and meticulous business women who kept track of who bought which garments and how these orders were progressing through the atelier."


But now William Ralph Blass (who started as a sketch artist), Halston (who famously dressed Minelli), Anne Klein (born Hannah Golofski),  Oscar de La Renta, Stephen Burrows (who made pants on women acceptable), and others decided to go to battle with Pipart, Piquet, Carden, Balmain, and Balenciaga, ...


Of the 36 American models who walked the runway, the African-American/Black models included Alva Chin, Pat Cleveland, Billie Blair, and that evening in 1973 these women brought the American's clothes to life. Josephine Baker, a dancer who made her fame in Paris and continued to live in France was still long and lean and provocative at age 67.  She wore a crystal studded body suit that looked nude (think of Cher) and as she had defied racism in the United States these models were overwhelmed to meet her.


What music they walked to!  Elvis Presley, Martha Reeves and the Vandells, Ray Charles...
Kay Thompson (who had the long friendship of Minelli and her mother Judy Garland - I know this from another source) was the choreographer and she had the American models move with speed. They went wheeling, dancing, posing, and posturing - just like an Ebony Fashion Fair - pre-Vouge.  The audience shouted out and threw their programs into the air.  They calmed down for the midnight buffet hosted by the Rothchilds in the King's Apartment there.  Don't feel too sorry for the French.  Maybe they were relieved that a new fashion day had dawned.  Author Givhan's assures us "they were not miserable."

I rarely give a review a book here that I wasn't impressed with but a word about this author's writing.  The ability to weave a splendid yarn includes having exquisite powers of observation and sans that, to interview people and do some research but artfully use language.  I loved when she used the term "social moth" rather than "social butterfly," probably because I'm a moth!


You'll love this book if you love insider fashion!
P.S the 2013 cost per plate is estimated at $105,000!


C Missy Rapport  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot
2018 All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

CITY OF STYLE by MELISSA MAGSAYSAY : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

Melissa Macsaysay wrote this book and it's C 2012

WANT TO "GO HOLLYWOOD" with your personal fashion statement?  Well, Southern California, in particular the city of Los Angeles, has zones of fashion understanding, which include the Romantic Bohemians, Glamour (what you usually think of as Hollywood), the Rockers (a lot of space devoted to Once Upon a Time Groupie Pamela Des Barres who I've featured here last September on Groupie month), Skaters and Surfers (based on Preppie!),Chola-Style, Indie-Eclectic, Casual-Chic, and well, whatever you can come up with!  It might have something to do with where you live or hang out, Silver Lake and Los Feliz being different than Beverly Hills.

This book comes with lots of photos of good looking well dressed people who are the epitome of style in each category, what a basic wardrobe consists of, as well as referrals to some of the best stores in the area to buy clothing and accessories that you desire.

I loved this quote from someone named China Chow, " More than any place I can think of, LA is a true collage-city; desert, ocean, mountains, hills, urban centers, and suburban flats - and the style is by nature varied, complex, camera ready, and yes, incredibly relevant and influential."  (It's in the Indie-Eclectic category.)

Did you know that Los Angeles is the denim capital of the world, even though many manufacturers took their blue jeans making to other, cheaper countries?  When they left, they left the facilities for the smaller, designer brands to lodge themselves in and the result has been innovation and caring about the details.  An excellent fitting pair of jeans may be the basis for an LA wardrobe.

As for me, although I have a rocker alter ego hidden somewhere in me, I'm in the Casual Chic category with the Casual Bohemian (think Laurel Canyon in the Mama Cass era).  Now off I go to the stores recommended to see what they've got for sale!

PAMELA DES BARRES : A WELL KNOWN MUSICAL MUSE BUT A MISTRESS NOT!

Pamela DesBarres, born Pamela Miller, once upon a time Queen of the (Los Angeles) Groupies, is now a successful author based on a number of books she's published such as "I'm With The Band," and "Let's Spend The Night Together," and "Take Another Piece Of My Heart."  These books recount her adventures as a Groupie, and then as a woman (eventually) married to a British rock star, Michael Des Barres, as well as the mother of a brilliant child, who goes through a divorce. Her writing is always explicit, exciting, and heart-full. I've read every one of her books over the years.

She looks just like you or me in her high school yearbook picture, but she had a different World View, and the clubs on the Sunset Strip were not so far from her family home in a working class suburb of The San Fernando Valley.

When it comes to Groupies, she was one with a Heart of Gold. 

Friends of mine think Pamela is way too "talkie" to be a good Mistress! Men might be scared off because they could end up in her book, if she wants to write about them! Does she have to name names?   (Yes, she really does!)

Another reason friends think so is that Pamela, and other groupies, seem to be so not materialism that they're practically sacrificial. Pamela's had lots of adventures but she's wasn't materialistic enough; she stood by her husband when they were low income, living with friends, between jobs, even took dumb jobs. She was just too self sacrificing, they say, but then again, I say, she's managed to make her own way in life. One snotty person said, "She has even made herself into a 'cottage industry'!"" (We could say that about Angelyn!)  If she were a man they'd say that she is a ROCK AND ROLL HISTORIAN!

Pamela now not only writes books but teaches writing workshops - Los Angeles - Vegas - Chicago - New York - gives rock and roll tours around the Sunset Strip area of Hollywood, and well... here is her site, with lots of sexy and fun pictures! 

 PAMELADESBARRES.COM

He tackles the term Groupies, saying these girls were a force of nature...

FROM the YOUTUBE Presenter of this Video:

MICHAEL DES BARRES (PAMELA's EX HUSBAND and the FATHER OF THEIR CHILD) LOVES HER WRITING
 
"Michael Des Barres is the host of Little Steven's Underground Garage on SiriusXM Radio, Channel 21 every weekday morning at 8am ET and again at Midnight ET. He has appeared in countless feature films and television shows and sold seven million albums as a writer and artist. A working musician for five decades, he has performed around the world from backroom bars to Live Aid. Michael’s enduring love of Delta blues and the rock and soul of the mid-60s beat boom is exemplified by his days as front man for such seminal bands as Silverhead, Chequered Past, Power Station and Detective, a band personally signed by Jimmy Page to Swan Song Records."


(SORRY A VIDEO I POSTED HAS BEEN WITHDRAWN FROM PUBLIC USE!)

From www.digitalfilmtree.com

“Documators” Created by Ramy Katrib and Evan York
Award winning documentary and animation producers, Evan York and Ramy Katrib, bring to life…”Documators” A series of short, animated documentaries mixed with Live Action footage. We report on what’s trending, cutting edge News worthy stories."

ADVICE TO A YOUNG WIFE FROM AN OLD MISTRESS as told to MICHAEL DRURY (a woman) : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

FOUR DIRECTIONS PRESS on ADVICE TO A YOUNG WIFE FROM AN OLD MISTRESS as told to MICHAEL DRURY

EXCERPT: Michael Drury, despite her name, is a woman who was both a free-lance writer and author of several books. She grew up north of San Francisco, graduated from Stanford University, and went on to write for Harper's and Life. This work had originally been published by Doubleday in the 1960s and in demand for 20 years. 

(I note that it is still available on the internet.)

 

BOOK REVIEW BY MISSY

MISTRESS MANIFESTO

 

There is an elegance to the language and a lovingness to the philosophy in this book that is irresistible.  The book is also short but sweet.

 

 "A mistress always knows more than she says to anyone - to other women, to the man in her life, even to herself.  A good woman friend is a marvel, and at times it is wisdom to air one's brains; it unheats them.  But a woman who habitually complaints against a man is quibbling.  Either live with him, and hold your tongue, or act, but don't harp, unless you really mean to keep from being loved.  High praise is no better taste or any less fatal.  Nobody wants his virtues advertised.  A liaison has discretion imposed upon it, but a marriage license is not a permit for publicity."  (Page 37) 

 

"For all her infraction of the rules, a mistress is much more integrated into the larger designs of living than the average wife.  She is not, like a wife, isolated, physically or mentally or emotionally, and thus cornered into defending her own importance.  A mistress is often a very great friend, but she never tries to be a pal or substitute for men friends.  It is simply not the same order of relationship, and she recognizes and defends the right of other orders to exist - partly because she has and needs others for herself.  She is perhaps more like a man, in his human characteristics, that a wife is." (Page 37) 

C 2015  All Rights Reserved  Missy Rapport/ Mistress Manifesto Blogspot

 

 

CAN YOU RECOGNIZE VERBAL ABUSE? PATRICIA EVANS IS AN EXPERT ; THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

 

Friends, as you know if you've been reading MISTRESS MANIFESTO, I have a real concern that people, women in particular, not be exploited, hurt, or abused, and that whatever relationship you're in, you're there because you want to be. 

 

That's why I dedicated a month to the Slavic Women who are imported to the United States, sometimes through lies, and find themselves stranded and even forced into sex work, back in July of 2014.  I'm sensitive to the fact that many women throughout history have found themselves as Mistresses, Courtesans, Wives, even as Prostitutes, because they had or have so little choice in life.  Now it's the 21st century, it's still a man's world but our prospects are encouraging, and we must try to move forward into lives of our own choosing.

 

These last several weeks we've been reading around the O.J. Simpson Murder Trial, and the abuse and murder of this month's Mistress of the Month, Nicole Brown Simpson.   While perhaps Nicole kept family and friends from knowing the full extent of O.J.'s abuse of her, it's difficult for me to believe that no one ever heard the things O.J. said to her, even if they didn't witness a beating.  However, this book warns that sometimes the person who abuses another will only do it in secret, say in the home, or in the bedroom, while coming off as a gentleman and part of a loving couple in public.

 

So I got a copy of one of the most respected books on VERBAL ABUSE, which is far more common than PHYSICAL ABUSE and often leads to or is a part of the PHYSICAL ABUSE.  I read it.  I took notes.  I thought about what I learned.

 

As women we need to educate ourselves and be aware.

 

So I have a confession to make.

 

This book made more aware than ever of what VERBAL ABUSE IS and as a result, I now know that the funky feelings I would get after going out on the town or having dinner with a particular PLATONIC MALE FRIEND of mine, who I think of as sometimes difficult, are in fact coming from him being verbally abusive, even though he may not raise a hand or a voice or use any derogatory terms.  In recently weeks I've actually shut down, not speaking or replying at all in response to something he's said. That's because he is more subtle and "manipulative" would also be an appropriate word.  I'm now in the process of letting him go out of my life and I realize that I actually have some fear about doing that directly.  That's more proof that I've been verbally abused.

 

PATRICIA EVANS, the author of this book, is an expert.

 

She says verbal abuse is BUILT INTO OUR CULTURE.  (I agree, and I wish women would not cooperate with being called names like HO, for instance.)  That's one of the reasons people overhear it or experience it and don't know it's wrong.

 

You come up with excuses like, "He's just having a bad day."  (And who doesn't have a bad day?  Still, there are other ways to cope with stress.)

 

Since I can't type all my notes here, let me go to the ones that made me realize I indeed have a verbally abusive PLATONIC MALE FRIEND.

 

1) Sometimes when he gets mad or irritated, somehow he makes it my fault.  (I picked the wrong route to get somewhere and so there is traffic.  I'm just as put out by unexpected back ups on the road, but how would I know before hand?)

 

2) When I try to discuss my hurt feelings or an issue has not been fully resolved, he refuses to discuss it or shuts the conversation down.  (He says things to me like "the past doesn't matter - live for today" which completely gets him off from acknowledging his responsibility or apologizing to me.  That's called DIVERTING the conversation.  It's also called BLOCKING as it establishes what can be discussed.

 

3) I frequently feel perplexed or frustrated by him because I can't get him to understand something.  (He has used critical language to pick apart the way I speak or explain something which prevents him from ever tackling the subject.)  That's called JUDGING AND CRITICIZING

 

4) *** He likes to take the opposite view from mine on most everything I mention.  (It often involves food choices, and thus what I cook for dinner for us or where we go to eat out and what we order.  I've made a list of all the weird food issues he has and have found that the very things he refuses to eat when with me he eats elsewhere without complaint.  Go figure! I can't understand why if he smokes he's so concerned about poisons in food!  However, I also think he likes to just go against me to have POWER AND CONTROL over the conversation, if not me.)

 

So read this book and evaluate your own relationships!

 

C 2015  Missy Rapport  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.

LISA SEE : PEONY IN LOVE : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK RECOMMENDATION

 

The exclusive world of the Emperor's Concubines that we've been exploring in the dramatic story of EMPRESS DOWAGER CIXI this month, is a world in which women are controlled from birth to death and even those who manage to manipulate their way to the top have to do so within restrictive protocols.

 

Present day mistresses are often assumed to be in wait to be a man's next legal wife, but while reading Peony in Love, one of a few books by author Lisa See that I've read that are based on the old Chinese or Chinese-Americans, I realized that for some Mistresses as was the case for some Chinese Concubines, there was freedom in not being a wife.

 

Did you know that a Chinese man's concubine's were considered to be his property even in the afterworld?

Lisa See's novel is based on the way of life that the Chinese lived in the 17th century and her main character is a the only child and daughter of a wealthy man who's own marriage is arranged. Kept secluded and far from the facts of life, she dreams of romance and passion with a man of her own choosing.

Her own father has concubines and all such girls, when imagining what the man they have been arranged to marry will be like, knows that the concubines are freer than they are.

Page 37

"Since marriages were arranged and neither the bride or the groom had any say in the match, concubines were every wife's fear. Husbands fell in love with concubines. They came together by choice, had no responsibilities, and would delight in each other's company, while marriages were a matter of duty and a way to provide sons who, in time, would perform rites in the ancestral hall."

The story is richly written, and set in a crucial time, about 1644, when the Ming dynasty fell and the Quing, lead by the Manchus, began, and the country is in turmoil. This crisis became an opportunity for some women to lead a freer and more expressive life in China before life became more repressive again and women did take the opportunity.

C 2015 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

CHINA'S EMPRESS DOWAGER CIXI : MISTRESS OF THE MONTH SEPTEMBER 2015

 

EMPRESS DOWAGER CIXI

(1835- 1908)

 

Loved this book and you will too if you if you're interested in Chinese history and the

rise of a woman from concubine to a behind the scenes Ruler of China.

 

Imagine being twelve years old - maybe fourteen.  You have no say about your life at all.  You must obey your father - your parents - your family.  They can even tell you to commit suicide and you will follow through.  You've been raised to be obedient.  And you cannot be married to someone of your own choosing, or married at all, until you are paraded before the Emperor along with many other girls, brought to the Forbidden City on carts. 

 

If he rejects you, you go home to your family.  If  he chooses you, you go home for a year or so, until you are called to him.  If he (or his mother) chooses you to be one of his many concubines, then you must live segregated in a harem with the rest of the women at the back of the immense Forbidden City, where you may live a life of loneliness, or rise, step by step, to be a person of privilege, maybe even his favorite.  Only one young woman is chosen to be the Empress, his wife, and he may not even be the one to choose her. 

 

Chosen for the harem, you will not choose your own décor, clothing, or food,  as all of it is regulated to announce status.  What colors of silk, how many flowers in your hair, how high your shoes, how many cooked chickens for eating; everything is dictated.  You may or may not get along with the other women and girls. 

 

There are eight rungs on the ladder of the imperial consorts and if you are Cixi you begin on rung six.  You may never rise higher. 

 

Cixi did rise, because she was submissive and well liked by the Empress. 

 

She learned as his wife had, that the Emperor, called "The Limping Dragon," loves sex.  He increases the numbers of his consorts.  He also brings in prostitutes with bound feet and even goes outside for pleasure.

For two years Emperor Xianfeng paid no attention to Lan, a name not of her choosing, at all. Born in 1835, she entered the harem on June 26, 1852. It was his wife, Empress Zhen, who took a great liking to her, protected her, and raised her rank slightly until she requested to be renamed, from then on to be called Cixi. 

The Empress Zhen and the lowly concubine Cixi became great friends.  When he died, though not officially his mother, though she gave birth to him, Cixi's son became the Emperor and she and The Empress became "The Two Dowager Empresses" who, still confined to the back of the palace, and sitting unseen behind a yellow screen, basically ruled China until the son was married and had his own marriage.  Then the son died, only a couple years later of smallpox, and on his deathbed he asked the women to continue their role as advisors to the council.  They wanted to keep it going that way. 

In 1871 Cixi chose the three year old son of her sister to be the next Emperor.  The Empress Zhen died ten years later and so Cixi delayed his marriage until he was seething 19 year old. At that point she retired to the Sea Palace and kept herself entertained by designing her clothing and jewelry and having live operas performed for her entertainment.  She had servants holding her cigarettes and umbrellas.  It was not enough for this powerful woman. By 60 she was wearing wigs over her balding head and had lost heart. 

As history goes, she would never find great peace.  China would experience the Taiping and Boxer Rebellions, wars with France and Japan, as well as the invasion of Allied troops, including Great Britain and the United States, during her life time.

Though she may have been selected for being a obedient and unopinionated when just a girl, Cixi became hated. She had chosen a wife for the new Emperor Guangxu, who had been born her sister's son. This wife was the Empress Longyu who had been, at marriage, a 21 year old spinster, an older woman.  At his death she would do the honorable thing and commit suicide, leaving his favorite concubine Pearl to fend for herself.  At 64, Cixi, in an escape fleeing the Forbidden City in the year 1900, ordered Pearl to commit suicide.  When Pearl wouldn't, she was tossed down a well.

Cixi lived exiled with a large group of other aristocrats and servants in Xian, but remained a ruler of China, and a secret feminist, hating the inequality that women experienced in China and the attitudes against them.  Though she was aging, the Emperor Guangxu was a feeble man.  They returned to Beijing in about 1901-1902.  She died in 1908.

Of great interest to me was the power of these two women in their political alliance, which they had to handle so carefully so as to not be accused of treason, and which was immense.  This is the story of strong women and weak men.  Yet, they were women, and not free to live entirely as they liked however rich and privileged they had become.  When lonely and young as a widow, Cixi had taken one lover, a eunuch, and when he was beheaded she had a breakdown, and never took a lover again.  Unable to have more children as a Dowager, he strove to put those who were blood related to her and family on the throne of China, with failure.

C 2015 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot/ Missy Rapport  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

 

BORN TO RECIEVE by AMANDA OWEN ; ARE YOU READY TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED? MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

BORN TO RECIEVE
7 POWERFUL STEPS WOMEN CAN TAKE TODAY TO RECLAIM THEIR HALF OF THE UNIVERSE
by AMANDA OWEN  C 2014
Tarcher-Penguin Publisher

Missy here.
I picked up this book and started reading and it seemed just the book to pair with the month of February when we place so much importance on Valentine's Day.  Take for example The Ten Featured Skills of a Receiver.

(To paraphrase)
1) Accept a compliment graciously and be genuinely pleased to receive a gift.
2) Regularly express gratitude.
3) Have your attention on the present, not dwelling on the past or fretting about the future.
4) Be a good listener.
5) Be observant.
6) Define a "good" person as a whole person rather than someone who places other people's needs before their own.
7) Do not enable people.
8) Know when to cease activity.
9) Uses information in her environment to make decisions.
10) Don't complain.

I admit that I've struggle with some of these, but that I have gotten better at all of them through the years.

This book values feelings and suggests that you reveal them.

Further, you should not accept or condone unacceptable behavior from others because...

1) You want to keep the peace.
2) Are afraid of conflict.
3) Don't have the energy to follow through if you do bring up the issue.
4) Don't think it will do any good because you tried before.
5) Don't want to admit that you're being treated poorly.
6) Are afraid you'll loose your relationship if you stand up for yourself.
7) You're out of practice of advocating for your own needs.

AMANDA OWEN SITE ; BORN TO RECEIVE

TOSS THE GLOSS : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW AND RECOMMENDATION

TOSS THE GLOSS - GOOD MAKE UP RECLAIMS YOU   Web site for Author Andrea Q. Robinson 

FROM THE BOOK

"Robinson, whose illustrious career has included positions such as the chief marketing officer of Estée Lauder, president of Tom Ford Beauty, beauty editor of Vogue, and president of Ralph Lauren Fragrances, is the ultimate industry insider."

*****

Missy Here!

Andrea is an advocate of natural beauty or the approximation of nature by cosmetics.  That means that you should not be wearing makeup meant for the darkness of a restaurant or a disco to work.

I loved this book.  I even took notes and headed to various drug stores, determined to find the least expensive but good to great products.  Sadly, I spent an entire day going to three of the giant drug store chains in my area, and then to Target, where either they didn't have the full collection by a manufacturer, or the very product in the color I needed was sold out.  Believe this!  I ran into two women - one much older than me and one much younger - while searching for correct colors and textures - and both claimed to be make-up artists for Hollywood stars who had things to say to me about what to purchase.  But when I looked at them, well, their own make up wasn't so great.  They both needed to read this book!

Andrea's recommendations are not based on price.  She manages to give a large range of best of products including the very expensive to good old Dove soap for the complexion.

Did you know that most cosmetic companies forget about women who are forty or over, not targeting their marketing to them, so if you are forty or over you very well may be wearing cosmetics that are all wrong for you - your skin - because they were never designed, created, or marketed for you in the first place?

How about this; there is maybe one eye shadow manufacturer in Europe - in Italy - and so the most expensive to the most inexpensive may just be made there?  (i.e.  why buy expensive shadow?)

How about those dark circles under your eyes?  Should you really even try to cover them up?

At what point should you give in and get an eye tuck or a face lift?

JULIAN HALE'S "THE FRENCH RIVIERA" HAS THE BEST HISTORIES OF THE GRIMALDI FAMILY I'VE READ

THE FRENCH RIVIERA - A Cultural History by Julian Hale

is C 2009 by the author and published by Oxford University Press.

 

This book focuses on the development of a stretch of France that butts up against Italy, just about where Monaco is, beginning with the ancient history of first the Greeks and then the Romans, who built towns, monuments, forts, and even a fish farm, but maybe most important roads.  The steep and unstable precipices in the area certainly gave the Romans, the great road builds, many challenges.  By the 1730's the carriage road was still a rocky ride but had been built between Monaco and Menton.  The Grimaldi family had lost some of their property and then regained it. 

The Grimaldi ethnic heritage includes both French and Italian ancestors.  And as the author explains "The Grimaldi family have been big players in the South of France and what is now Italy from Genoa to Naples for the past nine centuries.  They are the longest serving reigning dynasty in Europe (and probably the world.) (Page 33)

From the official family website you will note "the Grimaldi's emerged from the Crusades as one of the four major ruling families of the Genoese urban nobility, especially warriors, ship owners, and bankers."  (Some things never change!)

DR. TONI GRANT COINED A FEW PHRASES - POOH BEAR ETERNIS - GHOSTLY LOVER - COURTESAN ASPECT

 

Dr. Toni Grant married and moved away, but she was one of the first talk show hosts on radio to focus on psychology.  People, mostly women, and mostly women who couldn't seem to get and keep relationships going, called in for advice.  Eventually she wrote this book, which I have in my library, and which is aimed at the dynamic woman who can't get married.  (I want to make it clear that's not every woman!)

 

Famous for coining phrases such as Pooh Bear Eternis (the male who never matures) and Ghostly Lover (when you love a man who does not exist, exists only in your imagination, or who you're so hung up on you can't move on to another), and the various aspects of femininity such as the Mother and the Courtesan, Dr. Toni Grant's feminism was seriously questioned.  (Personally I think of her as one type of feminist - there are many!)

 

I've been debating over Pamela and Patricia.  In one scene in her book STRANGE DAYS,  Jim Morrison calls Patricia "Mother."  It's a cut.  He doesn't want her to tell him what to do.  In her book she goes on a bit about the fact that she would not put up with him treating her badly or his drug abuse or alcoholism and Pam would.  Pamela Courson, more vulnerable, clearly dependent, with a pixie-ish voice and girlishness about her, seems to me to be more of a Courtesan, but it's she who goes about telling people she's Jim's wife, while for years Patricia keeps her witch wedding with Jim a secret.

 

 

HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR BOYFRIENDS DIVORCE : ROBYN TODD and LESLEY DORMEN : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR BOYFRIENDS DIVORCE
Loving Your Separated Man Without Losing Your Mind
by Robyn Todd and Lesley Dormen  C 1999
M Evans and Company  New York

This book is not going to tell you to become a mistress or to stay in a relationship when the divorce he kept promising never happens, but I really appreciated the fact that these authors were so understanding of the situation many women find themselves in, and the questions you might ask yourself by Dr. Leslie A Pam without any heavy morality or psychology. 

I think this book encourages self honesty and introspection, something that's very important.  I think that if you started dating a man who was separated from his wife, living separately, or if you've been told so...you may want to read this book.

If you've fallen in love with him and are having a sexual relationship with him and you want the relationship to work then you might want to read this book. 

I found it at a library and it's not a recent publication, but seek it out.

Will he?  Won't he?  Is that making you feel crazy?

Many women do stay in a relationship hoping the man they've been seeing will divorce and then marry them.  Something we hear about, just talking with women friends, is the idea that some relationships are simply transitional.  That means that a woman goes through all the divorce shit and then he dumps her and starts up with someone else.  Or he decides he doesn't want to be married at all.  Maybe he never played around before he married and wants that experience now.  Maybe he needs some alone time.

Yes, staying in there anyway, is the way that some women become mistresses.

This book doesn't get into the fact that these days many women do not want to be married either.  Still, it's a short, easy read, with a lot of good information.

LOVE AFFAIR : A MEMOIR OF JACKSON POLLOCK BY RUTH KLIGMAN

KIM JOHNSON GROSS can ADVISE YOU ON DRESSING STYLISHLY AS YOU AGE

Missy here: I'm linking to the web site of KIM JOHNSTON GROSS, whose book "What To Wear For The Rest of Your Life" (Ageless Secrets of Style) is my personal recommendation for you mistresses who need to learn to AGE GRACEFULLY.

"As our bodies and lives transition, many of us lack the style-confidence or know-how to rethink, redefine and re-imagine our self-image. Even as a style expert, I know how easy it is to get stuck in old style notions that no longer work as well as they once did."

We've been reading Leslie's story about becoming first one of the worlds most beautiful women and beauty pageant winners to an abused mistress. We're thinking about aging and competition here (though some mistresses never face that problem because they move on into marriage or another loving relationship or are treated well and have a life-long romance with a man they share with his wife or another woman.)

AGING GRACEFULLY by self acknowledging your body changes is what KIM JOHNSON GROSS' book is all about.

I HAVE ANOTHER REASON I WANT TO RECOMMEND HER ADVISE TO YOU. You see, your years as a mistress and buying clothing that you might not be able to afford on your own salary may be limited, but that doesn't mean you can't be financially sound through INVESTMENT. And investing in yourself - getting your teeth straightened, having a beautiful wardrobe that will last past those years is a really good idea!

So take a look at this site and KIM's book!

DEREK BLASBERG ON HOW TO BE CLASSY

Here's a link to Elle Magazine May 2010 and an article about a NEW BOOK called CLASSY by Derek Blasberg. Yes we do need to have class even if we were not born with it and NO we are not starlets given to exhibitionist behaviors that are TACKY TACKY TACKY! Missy

"A lady looks presentable at an airport. Those leisure suits are for at home. The airport is one of the last places remaining to meet eligible men who can afford to travel."