SHOULD SHE ACCIDENTLY ON PURPOSE GET PREGNANT? OPINION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Missy,

I'm closer to 40 than 30 and have been involved with my MM for several years.  I want a child, which I feel would make my life complete.  I'm OK not married and have never put any pressure on him to get free to be with only me.  This may not be easy for a lot of people to understand, but I can't imagine having a typical married life.  I can imagine loving the same person for life, but not actually spending every evening with them watching the TV and all that.  I inherited a house from my parents to live in and my own income allows to me keep up with the taxes and live in it without wasting money on rent or trying to come up with a down payment.  I'm really lucky. My MM does make my life easier financially, but if he went broke or couldn't do that for me anymore, I'd still love him and I still think I could make it.  I'm ready to have a child and I want it to be his.  He's reluctant.  Should I accidently get pregnant on purpose and see if he get's into it?

Any advice?

Sandra
Little Rock

Sandra,

You want to know if you should be dishonest with a man you love to get what you want and can afford without his help.  You want to get pregnant, risk loosing him, to fulfill your life? OK, I'm being hard on you, after all, maybe 50- 60  years ago, before there were so many options for contraception and legal abortion, lots of women counted on a man marrying them if they got pregnant, and you don't really want to get married or live together and get into the doldrums of ordinary life.  So...

Being dishonest with anyone about such a huge life-long undertaking as having a child is not respectful of them or their life or the life of the child. I give you credit for at least having brought the subject up with MM.  He knows what you want and you know what he doesn't want, and you are in the "thinking about it stage" without having actually done it.

Think! You are considering being a SINGLE MOTHER, with visits from a man who you don't care about living with or marrying.  That may be the situation a whole lot of women are in right now, including lots who did get married, have a child, and got divorced. 

You feel your acceptance of his situation and your lack of dependence on his income proves you can and will love him for life, "as is," with having being a child your only, not demand, but maybe requirement.  You believe you can make it financially without his contribution while supporting a child.  This could be true, depending on the work you do, your education and potential.

My gut feeling on this Sandra is that you should consider having a baby with an unknown person called a sperm donor.  I'm serious.  When a self supporting woman wants a child and does not have a good willing candidate to be its father, and she is getting older and doesn't want to wait much longer to have a child, she has that option. Look up sperm banks, talk to their people, ask them if you could talk to any of their successful clients about their experiences.  Are they happy they begot a child this way?  Once you are SURE you could have your baby this way, talk to MM.

"MM, I love you, I feel I will love you all my life, no matter what.  I've been considering having a baby by sperm donation.  As you know, I would rather you be my child's father but I don't want to do that without your cooperation.  When I think about my life, things are so good, I'm lucky, but I think life would be even more wonderful - complete - if I had a child.  I wonder, will you still want me if I have a child this other way?"

Don't push for any instant answers.  Just ask him to consider it and let you know what he thinks.  He may surprise you and decide that yes, he wants to be your sperm donor!  Or be more cooperative and involved in a child's life for the rest of its life with you...

Missy

EVOLVING ROSE

BOOK EXCERPT : KOSHER ADULTERY by SHMULEY BOTEACH

BOOK EXCERPT : KOSHER ADULTERY by SHMULEY BOTEACH
Pages 82-83

"For wives... here's how to be even sexier than usual

Always acknowledge to yourself that men find you attractive.... But don't purposely court it. The whole point of the attraction is that you're mysterious and above it all...

Casually mention to your husband how the guy at the checkout counter noticed you.... Be casual when you mention these occurrences.

Indulge your natural mystery at home. You cannot be fully possessed, even by your own husband. Never allow your husband into the bathroom... When you change in and out of your clothes, dim the lights so that it's hard for him to see.

Don't take a cell phone with you whenever you travel. Your husband should not be allowed to reach you at every moment. ...Your husband not being able to reach you at all moments also leads to greater anticipation and anxiety on his part. ...Let him lust for you..."

KOSHER ADULTERY by SHMULEY BOTEACH : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

KOSHER ADULTERY by  RABBI SHMULEY BOTEACH

"Seduce and Sin With Your Spouse"

If you are a MARRIED COUPLE, it's KOSHER (OK) to play at FANTASY ADULTERY to keep your romance, or perhaps more accurately, the married sex, interesting.  So says this American Orthodox rabbi, who has authored 30 books, has media presence, and is a public speaker. He also wrote, Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy, published in 1999, which was quite successful.

I'll just give you the ideas he presents in his book:  You can play at sex by pretending to be different people.  You can write secret love letters, as if from other people...  (As I was reading this I was thinking of one friend of mine who seemed to get a rise out of her husband every time she mentioned that she went somewhere (the grocery store - anywhere she went without him) and some strange man was looking at her, or tried to pick her up.  She's pretty but she mostly lied to make him jealous!  Since I hate things like that being done to me, manipulations, I myself would never do this!)

But I have to tell you, I think what the Rabbi recommends is the slippery slope to actual cheating. I think this is what the ASHLEY MADISON SCANDAL has been about.  I still think that many, if not most of the people who actually paid a MEMBERSHIP to go look around and see who they might cheat with on that site, were having a FANTASY.  Tell you what.  Men used to just go out to lunch, sit in the town square, and watch the pretty girls go by.  (Being married never stopped people from noticing other people's beauty or being attracted to others.  You can always "Window Shop" but not "Buy" they used to say.)

I wonder... Is sex really so important?

My opinion is, it's more civilized to have a Mistress, than sleep around. I wonder, is all this fantasy just the "slippery slope" to real adultery?


C 2016 Missy Rapport / Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot 
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet rights. 

ROSE WHIRL

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Sentimentality

"Sentimentality can hold me back from moving on. We all have memories, but I'm careful not to overturn the truth when I do remember my past."

 

Bet you thought sentimentality was a good thing.  But by definition the word means excessive sadness or nostalgia, meaning its a bit much already, it's inaccurate, making something out to be something that it wasn't.

As a mundane example, I have never understood Class Reunions.  High school in particular.  Maybe back in the day when finishing High School was a big deal it would make more sense, but don't we keep in touch with the friends we used to know because we're still friends with them?  A few years ago an old friend of mine went, and her real reason was that she's now selling real estate.  People have become potential clients to her, wherever she goes. Knowing that is true, I've not felt as if our friendship is as special or valuable as it once was.

But whatever the past was or is to you know, don't rewrite history!

C 2016 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

HE'S GOT A CASH FLOW PROBLEM and SHES POUTING - PROMISES PROMISES : OPINIONS BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Missy,

Alexander promised me that he would buy me one caret diamond earrings, also a diamond tennis bracelet, and a coat at Burberry.  I want the coat for interviews in New York.  Now he says he has a "cash flow problem."  Should I become frigid?

Mistress Miami

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Miami,

You mean withhold sex? (Seems to me a person is or is not frigid and doesn't become so over a lack of diamonds in their ears, on their wrist, or a nice coat on their back.) Because you aren't getting paid in gems and clothes?  Miami, are you having an erotic affair or are you in a Relationship?

Are you interviewing so that you can get a job to support yourself or looking for work that will you allow to Keep Him?  Ok, I get it that to him you are Sugar and he's your Sugar Daddy, but sincerely, I want you to think about some things.  If you had a business that went bumpy, say based on commissions that went poof!, or you ran out of your savings and couldn't pay your rent, would you want your friends to choose that moment to snub you or loose you?

Of the three gifts you were expecting, that were promised, the only one that's maybe a necessity for interviews in cold and rainy places, to give a certain first impression, in certain kinds of work, is the rain coat.

If I was in a Relationship, and I TRULY CARED about the other person, which one can do without being in love, and he was experiencing a difficult time financially at most I'd buy a Burberry knock-off, or wear my old rain coat into the lobby, and take it off and have it over my arm entering the interview.  Will the interviewer be sniffing out fashion labels to see if you're qualified for the job?  If so, OK, I get it.

But take Mistress Marion Davies as your inspiration.  When Hearst, a multimillionaire, had financial problems and needed cash, she sold jewelry he had given her and opened up her purse.  She put her money where her heart was!

I could do without the diamonds to keep a good man in my life and I wouldn't withhold sex from a good man to punish him for a financial slow down.  Certainly doing so won't inspire him to keep on going or to figure something else out when it comes to his finances.  Many an Up and Coming man has need of patient, kind, loving, woman who Believes in him. Such a woman is like a five caret diamond to him.

Take inventory about promises that Alexander makes (and you make to him).  Following through on promises to call or keep to plans will let you know he's sincere and reliable and ditto.  That's the more important kind of promise.

When someone does not follow through on showing up when they say they will or standing up for you, you walk in high heeled pumps but you've got sand in your shoes.  And if you simply do not or cannot Care about Alexander, move on to someone else, but maybe the deep pockets you're seeking are elsewhere, such as in your own trench!

Good Luck!

Missy

C 2016 Missy Rapport / MistressManifesto.Blogspot.com 
All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.

OPENING UP by TRISTAN TAORMINO : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW (IS HAVING AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU?)

Highly recommended by other authors who look at relationships,  such as Esther Perel, the author of "Mating in Captivity," and  Jack Morin, who wrote "The Erotic Mind," called sympathetic, literate, by Gloria Brame, who wrote "Different Loving," this one turned up at a used book sale at a local library, and I just had to read it.  I came away from it thinking that I must be one of the most conservative people around, but that's what's good about the book.  You get to know yourself along with all the options that are possible, and you know how I emphasize the value of KNOWING YOURSELF and  BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELF.

So, are you honest with yourself that you could pull off an Open Marriage without becoming Jealous?

Is Partnered Nonmonogamy" for you?

What's the difference between POLYAMORY and SWINGING? and what about POLYFIDELITY?

And now that you know what YOU want, how do you Negotiate it, make Rules and Have Agreements?  If  you go from monogamy to nonmonogamy do you tell your children?

Never, not on one page, did I feel I was being talked down to by this author, and so I'm going to join in with the compliments that all these other on-topic authors in suggesting you read this book.  I think Tristan Taormino did a fantastic job of laying out the options, and just imagining that there are such options can, if not change your life, help you remember that not everyone wants to get married in the most traditional way.

C 2016  Mistress Manifesto Blogspot  All Rights Reserved

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES : Wants Versus Needs - MAKING A VISION BOARD - Focusing and Manifesting

There's a Rolling Stone's song, "You Can't Always Get What You Want", that has a chorus that goes kind of like this, "but if you try sometime, you might find, you get what you need."

Figuring out what you Need and what you Want, what you have to have to live and thrive and won't "settle" for, at least not for long, because it would take you too far from your dreams, is about knowing where you're at right now but where you'd like to go. 

Needs come first. When you're Needs aren't met you're stuck in survival and not likely to progress to Want. 

May I suggest that you make a Vision Board to help you focus on the Wants?

If you don't want to do this alone, you can throw a party to begin your Vision Board. Invite your friends to show up with stacks of old magazines and art supplies to share like scissors, glue, glitter, markers, paint.

You, the hostess, can provide foam core board which is like heavy duty poster board with a foam in the middle that can hold up being tacked or taped to the wall.  It's sturdier than the thinner poster board.

It might be nice to play some relaxing background music - classical, piano, Spanish Guitar, New Age chakra tune ups, as well as having a selection of teas, fruit, healthy snacks ready for your leisurely activity and quietude.  You need at least three hours and five would be better.

You go through the magazine cutting our pictures and words and word phrases that remind you of the things you Need and the things you Want. 

Cut them out and apply them artistically to your board. 

Not only is making the board helping you affirm and focus but looking at it and adding to it over the next few months can also help you move you towards your goals.