THANKFULNESS

 

WHAT IS GRATITUDE?

 "Gratitude, thankfulness, or gratefulness, from the Latin word gratus "pleasing, thankful," is a feeling of appreciation felt by and/or similar positive response shown by the recipient of kindness, gifts, help, favors, or other types of generosity, towards the giver of such gifts."(From Wikipedia)

"The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness." (From the Oxford Languages Dictionary)

GRATEFULNESS ORG  Why it's important!

VINO GRAPES VALENCIA SPAIN

NOBLE MISTRESSES IS EARLY MODERN SPAIN - A SCHOLARLY and COMPELLING WORK

SCHOLAR WORKS : GVSU : by GRACE COOLIDGE 2007 

While researching I came across this academic paper by a student named Grace Collidge.  It's title is compelling: “A VILE AND ABJECT WOMAN”: NOBLE MISTRESSES, LEGAL POWER, AND THE FAMILY IN EARLY MODERN SPAIN. It focuses on Mistresses in Spain from 1360-1600. Author Collidge researched over 40 Mistresses, This paper is also about the flexibility of illegitimate status as well as changing ideas about what marriage is and when having sex is OK. It says the influence of the Catholic church was strict but there was also an emphasis on forgiveness.

EXCERPT from page 201

In Spain, if there was no legal impediment to their parent's marriage, illegitimate children were known as hijos naturales and had some legal rights of inheritance if they were acknowledged by their father.  If the parents of hijos naturales subsequently married, then these children were automatically legitimated. The Siete Partidas, which is not very clear on the various categories of illegitimacy, nevertheless notes that natural children are called "natural: for the reason that they are begotten contrary to law, and in opposition to the natural order. The other, and much more problematic, category of illegitimate children is that of hijos bastardos or "bastards" whose parents were legally unable to marry at the time of their birth. The various types of bastards are again classified by the nature of their parent's sins.  Incestuousos are children of parents who were related within the prohibited degrees of consanguinity provided by the Catholic Church, adulterinos are children who had at least one parent who was married to someone else, and sacrilegos were children who had at least one parent bound by religious vows.

The mention of sacrilegos reminds me our Mistress of the Month for October 2011 was STEPHANIA SOLOMONE In Love With A Catholic Priest Unable to Marry. I was unable to find an update on how she is a decade later but I don't think she had children with the priest she was in love with as she said their physicality never went beyond hugging..

THE CHARM OF ANDALUSIA

 

DO MULTIPLE WIVES COMPETE TO BE THE MOST LOVED? SISTER WIVES UPDATE - MISSY ON SECRETS VERSUS OPEN RELATIONSHIPS

I devoted a month to the Open Polygamy that is part of the Fundamentalist Mormon lifestyle. The modern Latter Day Saints no longer support the polygamy of the founders of their church. Many of the women who accept being co-wives have grown up in families in which their own mother was a "sister wife." When this lifestyle became the subject of reality television series, the world got a glimpse into the possibilities.  Was it better when it came to child care? Could any of the women expect to ever have the man to herself? What about sexuality?

Recently it came to light that the Sister Wives reality TV show's star Christine, who was the third wife of Cody Brown, left him and the arrangement after 25 years of it.  This Daily Mail article is one of a few that came out in that publication recently about the situation.

DAILY MAIL - SISTER WIVES- CHRISTINE LEFT - ROBYN 4th WIFE PREVAILS by Tracy Wright and Christine Rendon

The reason I focused on this example of an alternative lifestyle for MISTRESS MANIFESTO here is that we are exploring the lives of Mistresses who are often known to the Wives.  When a wife knows her husband has an ongoing relationship with another person, she often accepts that this is so, preferring to keep her marriage.  Sometimes she prevails and sometimes she doesn't.

Sometimes a person is not naturally monogamous. I recently met a man who told me that when he first met the woman who has been consistent in his life for near 50 years, meeting her when he was 16, he told her he could not be faithful.  She said it would not bother her if he had other women.  He told me that he had sex with other women along with being alcoholic and that when he quit drinking over 30 years ago, he stopped sleeping with other women. For other men who were not addicted or promiscuous, men who married and never thought they would, cheating is something else - a desire to love more than one person perhaps - or perhaps to move on out of the marriage or - well, there is no one reason.

While some people have Open Marriages in which one or both partners at various times also have other relationships. others are scandalized by their partner being sexually involved with someone else and see it as the reason for divorce.

I say relationship because while the stereotype is that it's "just" an affair, or only about sex, many of the couples who are -one or both- are married to someone else legally - do have significant and ongoing involvement with each other.  So while the Sister-Wives - Open Polygamy lifestyle is one in which everything is in the Open, Mistresses are often thought of as secret clandestine relationships - taboo - just plain wrong.

DO YOU HAVE A PARTNER WHO HAS ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP?

PROFESSIONAL USE OF CELL PHONES, E-MAIL, SOCIAL NETWORKING and WORKING FOR PAY

I recently met people in their twenties who grew up using computers and prefer cell phones - in particular texting - to in person interactions, even at work. They are using their PERSONAL CELL PHONES to contact other people on staff, for instance while at work.  Maybe "everybody" does it. 

I think this is unprofessional.

You should have one cell phone that is paid for by your company for work communications. Absolutely nothing of a personal nature should be on this phone. Just as your work e-mail should not be used for personal communications.

You should have one cell phone, with a private number, that you give out to family, friends, and use for personal business, that you pay for.  It should be off or on silent (no vibration) and in your purse or jacket while you are working.  The time to look at it is when you are on a break or at lunch - preferably when off the premises and having private time.  Scout the area around your place of work for private spaces to make and take calls, not overheard. Your personal phone should not be used for any work related communications. It is your personal possession and hopefully you do not have an employer who takes possession of employee phones while they are working, which is ridiculous, though I've heard of it happening on the basis that they don't want phones ringing and annoying and distracting while working.  So keep it on you but off.

At some jobs there is down time and you may find yourself staring at a computer screen and have internet.  I know there is a temptation to use this time for personal reasons, such as making vacation plans, or ordering products on line. This is unprofessional.  Anything you are personally paying for should be researched and bought on your own computer or cell phone.  Use down time to make order of your desk, clean out your drawers or the office kitchen microwave, or make a list of things you need to do.

I'm strongly recommending also that you create and keep a boundary between your personal and professional life in other ways, be it that you are working for pay or working without pay as a volunteer. 

Keep gossip to a minimum if you can't avoid it at all.  Sure you want to be in the know about changes in the workplace that effect you and your career, but soon enough if it's true information your higher ups will make an announcement.  If you are looking for another job, keep it to yourself.  

Don't discuss your personal life such as who you are dating or having sex with or what all you did on the weekend.  Weekends can be "busy" or "relaxing."  You can tell people about an engagement after it is announced to your family.  You can invite your boss to your wedding.  Don't have dates into your workspace, meet elsewhere.

If you are having marital discord or getting a divorce, do not discuss the details. Only mention these things such as giving notice to move on to a new job or a divorce when they have been finalized. Really anything can happen, but since your personal life shouldn't have much impact on your professional responsibilities (or you don't want your coworkers or boss to reference your personal life as why you are not keeping up), keep talking about it to a minimum.

Let's say you are having issues with child care.  Go to your immediate supervisor and ask if you can have a brief meeting. During the meeting simply state that your caregiver has given notice and that you're actively looking for another.  A valued employee will be given some leeway by a good boss to take care of personal business such as this, such as sometimes having to take off a morning or a day as we ALL have personal business.  The key is to not make it a problem for them to solve.

There's no reason to hide behind texting, e-mail, or social networking when you are in the same office or frequently see coworkers and bosses. In person, face to face communication is the best.

Social Networking is used as Marketing a lot these days but don't get confused.  Marketing is generally for a product or service and commentary should be kept to that.  It is not the place to offer happy birthdays, congratulations on non-product or service successes, or - worst of all - photos of people who did not even give their permission for their images to be put up there on the net.

Remember that a PRIVATE LIFE is only private it if is kept so. You owe no one an explanation really but may encounter people at the office who are fueled by gossip, who saw you out somewhere having a good time, or otherwise are minding yours, digging around. They are bored, simply curious, trying to bond as "friends," or out to have something on you that they can use competitively.

 And you, being professional, don't say "What business is it of yours," though you'd like to.

Here are some responses I gave to dirt-diggers through the years who were on fact finding missions, so to speak, by gossiping.

*

"I saw him out with a girl with long hair.  She wasn't very good looking." (Disapproving.)

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!"  (Give the so-what shrug and change the subject.)

*

Woman, hands on hips, said, "That K, her family is as poor as dirt."

"Isn't it great that here in America we can all strive to achieve?"

*

Why haven't you gotten married?

"Gosh, I'll have to think about that one!"  Laugh or wink.  

*

"Our boss is having an affair with his secretary.  What do you think of that?"

"It's none of my business."

*

Changing the subject back to a business subject is the professional thing to do.

"I'm so busy right now, I better get back to work."

Missy

LEANDRO DE BOURBON: RECOGNITION FOR AN EXTRAMARITAL CHILD OF KING ALFONSO XIII

Stage and silent screen actress Carmen Ruiz Moragas was known to be the Mistress of King Alfonso III of Spain. Carmen had two children with him. One of them, son Leandro Ruiz Moragas, who was born in 1929, sued to be allowed to use the surname Bourbon which is the surname of the Spanish Royal family.  (I know it's difficult to know considering all the titles and changes in titles .) He waged quite a campaign including writing a couple books and eventually was granted what he wanted. By then his sister was deceased so the name was only his to use.

First, his books are in Spanish. There is a French edition.

This one is a biography.  

The title in Spanish is Alfonso XIII Vista Por Su Hijo. 

In English that is Alfonso XIII Seen By His Son

I was unable to read this book.

 

This one is called El Bastardo Real in Spanish

In English that is The Royal Bastard.

Again, I was unable to read this book.

According to Spanish language Wikipedia, Alfonso was ten years old when he was told who his father was and his education was paid for with money set aside by his father for that purpose. However, it was a private rather than public acknowledgement.  In 2002 he filed to have his parentage recognized and on the basis that the King's name appeared on his original birth certificate, he was grated in 2003 to use the surname Bourbon Ruiz. No DNA test was required.  There were some disputes over if he also deserved a title and to be called Royal Highness or if he or his children should be in line for the throne of Spain.  Suffice to say, there was no need, even if he was calculated to be 10th in line, as the legitimate heirs were in place.  However, Leandro's children are also allowed to use the Bourbon surname.  Both Leandro and his sister had children and he is known to have grandchildren as well. He died in 2016.

HOTEL MADRID

THE MAN HIMSELF - KING ALPHONSE III OF SPAIN

ALFONSO III, KING OF SPAIN

Image from NNDB web site

Born in 1886 in Madrid, died 1941 and buried in El Escorial, also in Madrid, this lothario who reigned from 1886 (with his mother in charge) until his abdication in 1931, was called unstable - depressed - immature but maybe he was one more Royal in an arranged marriage trying to do his duty but also finding some happiness. Was the last arranged marriage for a European Royal that of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer?

CARMEN RUIZ MORAGAS : SECOND ACKNOWLEDGED MISTRESS OF KING ALFONSO XII : EIGHT YEARS AS LOVERS - LUXURY and VOLATILITY

 

CARMEN RUIS MORGAS

1898 - 1936

 

Image from Wikipedia

Carmen Ruis Morgas was an actress who became more famous as Mistress to the King of Spain than she did her successful acting career. Born in Madrid in an upper middle class family, she began acting at about the age of 20 and was successful on the Spanish stage as well as appearing in Silent Films. She was married in 1919 at about the age of 21 to a bullfighter named Rodolfo Gaona, but the marriage didn't last long - about a year..

This Spanish language article from SPANISH edition of VANITY FAIR magazine, published in 2018, suggests that Carmen was a liberated woman, a feminist, and one who dared break rules large and small. (Therefor not at all like her more private Mistress predecessor, Melanie.) But then what threat could Melanie De Gaufridy De Dortan have been to the Queen since her relationship with the King, Alfonso XII, as evidenced by the birth of their son, Roger, was before his marriage. It depends on if you believe that the relationship continued for some time during his marriage.

REVISTA VANITY FAIR SPAIN; CARMEN MORAGES ALFONSO XII's LOVER - ACTRESS FEMINIST (I've hit the Google Translate option to put it into English and note that the translation isn't perfect.)  I enjoy that Carmen is called a Lover rather than a Mistress. 

The author of this article Pilar Eyre is also the author of a book on Carmen in Spanish Language: It's called CARMEN THE REBEL and no I didn't read it. She says eight years went by before the Queen came face to face with Carmen, and then at the theatre.

Carmen sounds like a spitfire. EXCERPT: She is one of the most distorted figures of her time, a beautiful creature, a charismatic actress who rebelled against her condition as a woman, against her role as submissive wife, illegitimate daughter and lover, with episodes in her life as dark as her marriage to a famous bullfighter, whose most intimate details could be followed punctually in the uncensored newspapers, devoured by a public eager for strong emotions.

"As long as you can't really be, I want to have you to live like a queen," he said, and he, with a lot of money and authority, made it possible.

EXCERPT : They were eight years of romanticism, luxury and splendor, dream trips, a magnificent mansion adorned with the barbarian pageantry of the czar's furniture, a cook on loan from the Duke of Alba, a jeweler full of Cartier jewels... But they were also eight years of anguish due to the social and political vicissitudes of the time they had to live, also full of the jealousy and arguments of two exalted and stormy temperaments. .... Carmen became republican *** …. she died screaming Aflonso!  Alfonso! 

***

Carmen died a painful death of uterine cancer at only thirty-nine years old and her funeral was apparently only attended by her friends from the theatre.  Therefore, she became infamous.

*** for the people

ALPHONSO III's FATHERING.

1905 : Roger - with Melanie De Gaufridy De Dortan married to her husband.

1906 : Alfonso Pio Cristino Eduardo, Prince o Asturias  - with wife Victoria Eugenia of Battenberg

1908 : Jaime Luitpold Isabelino Enrique - with wife Victoria Eugenia of Battenberg

1909 : Beatriz Isabel Federica Alfonsa Eugenia - with wife Victoria Eugenia of Battenberg

1910 : Fernando (stillborn) - with wife Victoria Eugenia of Battenberg

1911 : Maria Christina Teresa Alejanra - with wife Victoria Eugenia of Battenberg

1913 : Juan Carlos Teresa Silvestre Alfonso - with wife Victoria Eugenia of Battenberg

           (the Father of Juan Carlos who became King and abdicated in recent years)

1914 : Gonzolo Manuel Maria Bernardo - with wife Victoria Eugenia of Battenberg

BIG GAP HERE

1929 : Leanodro Alfonso Ruiz Moragus - with Mistress Carmen Ruiz Moragas

____ : Ana Maria Teresa Ruiz Moragas - with Mistress Carmen Ruiz Moragas

NOTE that he abdicated in 1931

NOTE that she died in 1936, leaving two children

NOTE that Alfonso died in 1941

According to Spanish language Wikipedia, Carmen moved on from the King and had another man in her life Juan Chabas, from 1929 to 1936. Once again I see that there is potentially some misinformation about this woman.  While she did not have more children, this would suggest that she was seeing Chabas, who she did not marry, during the time that Leanodro was born. Her last words as reported by author Pllar Eyre would indicate that the King was her true love. Chabas was a republican poet, novelist, journalist - an all around writer - and also a theater critic.

C 2021

Research for this post included numerous genealogy sites and encyclopedia. Again, there is some speculations.

DREAMS OF OLD SPAIN

 

MELANIE DE GAUFRIDY DE DORTAN : THE FIRST MISTRESS OF ALFONSO XIII de BOURBON of SPAIN

BERTHE MARIE MELANIE DE GAUFRIDY de DORTAN

"MELANIE" 

(1876-1937)

Our Mistress of the Month, Melanie de Gaufridy de Dorton was born in 1876 as a French woman in a family entwined with French history.  According to the web site Anciennes familes de Provence, her family was so important that their records go back into the 1600's. Other genealogy sites suggest the families she sprung from were in place as aristocracy further back into Medieval times. Melanie's family is intermarried with others who appear in The Peerage and can be found in European countries other than France as members of the gentry. And so, like other Mistresses we have learned about, while not Royal, she came from a distinguished background and, as was expected, she made a marriage with a notable man.

Melanie married her husband, Philippe de Vilmorin, a famous Botanist and Horticulturist who collected rare plants and began two arboretums that still exist, one in France and another in Belgium, and they had four children. Then she had a son in 1905 who was fathered by the King Alfonso XIII, and she named that son Roger Leveque de Vilmorin. 

However, as the King married his wife on the 31st of May in 1906, he was unmarried at the time. It was she who was already married. Would he have considered marrying her if she were not? Another thing.  He was born in 1886 so this relationship was with an older woman. Older and married and no divorce for Catholics...

It would seem that the King was not one to be faithful to his wife, Princess Victoria Eugenie of Battenberg; You know that name and you know this ties the Spanish royal family into the British Royal family and to many Royal families in Europe.  She knew he already had this child when she married him.

There are rumors that other or more children born by Melanie were actually the King's. According to various sources which I can't judge for authenticity, the King was also known to have children with other women he could not marry. The other known Mistress, actress Carmen Ruiz Moragas had two children with him. He is also supposed to have fathered children with maids or nanny's. These children have been referred to in Spain and France as "Royal Bastards." Although that sounds like swearing, in fact this was the correct term for illegitimate children. So for him seven children with Princess Victoria Eugenie and one with Melanie and two with Carmen? Another one or two?

Was the King always a man on the prowl? Was he romantic? Seductive? Could a woman say no and make him go away? Did he feel he had the right as King to fool around? (Probably!)  One thing for sure is that these people lived long before media attention could out them for their personal decisions. Now if you're Royal it's most difficult to be discreet.

I don't have exact answers for you. Walls of silence were long ago put up around the King and Queen of Spain. Books about the King and the family that I was able to find don't mention Melanie. However, it would seem that his own father also had Mistresses and extramatrimonial children.

Roger was born in 1905 when Melanie was about twenty-nine years old. The King was barely out of his teens. It seems the birth falls into that Open Secret category. Since Melanie's parents were Roger de Gaufridy de Dorton and Adelaide de Veronnet ,the de implying ownership of the town, Melanie named her son with the King after her father. 

Did her husband know of the relationship between his wife and the King and that the child was not his? Well, they had another child after this, so they stayed married. All of this is just so Old School Aristocrat.  Affairs are tolerated, if not encouraged, because it's just too much to break up the financial agreements and family. (Divorce is just too modern.) After all it's rather an honor that the Royal himself is interested in your wife. And what about the children? They need their mother. As the mother of six, Melanie de Gaufridy de Dorton is one of the most fruitful Mistresses ever profiled here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot. Today she has many descendants - grandchildren and great grandchildren.

King Alfonso XIII was also quite fruitful. This is where the various genealogy sites are not in agreement. It would seem he totaled 10 children - or was that twelve? Did his wife suffer or did she go about her business thinking "it is what it is"? 

Your guess is as good as mine.

C 2021 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved Including International and Internet Rights

Research for this months posts include items linked to and mentioned, as well as many genealogy sites,encyclopedias.,and articles, some of which were repetitive. 

COMING UP : TWO ACKNOWLEDGED MISTRESSES OF A SPANISH KING

In the English speaking world, and I hate to say this, even with so many Hispanic immigrants to the United States, even with some parts of what is now the United States having had Spanish or Mexican settlements before they were the states we know now, it's as if the Spanish world does not exist. We rarely seem to get news out of Central American or any of South America on main stream media other than the incoming illegal immigrants or a major crisis. I also find the information I need for MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT hard to get. 

One of the Spanish language publications I enjoy paging through when I go to the library is Hola Magazine where royals and aristocrats are the celebrities. In that publication they are often photographed in splendid clothing in their gorgeous houses. It would seem that in the Latin world there is still great interest in people of nobility and how they live. 

In May of 2015, our Mistress of the Month was Marita Lorenz who was the Mistress of Fidel Castro (Cuba) and then General Marcos Peres Jimenes; She was a European born daughter of a ship captain based in New York. She turned into a CIA collaborator after having a very difficult time with Castro in particular and men in general. Other than that I have barely touched on Latin culture or people living in it or coming from it. However, I've long wanted to include modern Spanish Mistresses (or Mistresses in Spain).

I'm aware of what's happened with more recent King Juan Carlos I, who abdicated so that his son Felipe VI could take over. Felipe's role has been extremely public. That story is all over the media. Alphonso XII de Bourbon of Spain was the father of  King Juan Carlos and the grandfather of King Felipe VI. It would seem that there has been a tradition of fathering extramatrimonial children for generations in the family.

Despite that, the Spanish macho culture seems to have higher expectations of women for loyalty and faithfulness than for the men. There has been a tradition of Mistresses in Spain despite the  influence of Catholic culture which emphasizes the family and women as the nurturers whose main job is to raise the children. Wives are expected to be faithful and loyal to their husbands and to be with only one man in a life time or the loss of their reputation could be devastating. I believe there is still an emphasis on virginity until marriage for women in Latin culture. Men - not so much. (What's happening in gangs here in the United States is an aberration but that's another story.) 

There has been a tradition of the Wife with the Big House and the Mistress with the Little House which is more civilized than abandoning a woman who might otherwise be put out. Of course we are talking about men who can afford to support two families. In macho culture women remain in traditional roles, though there have been rapid changes in recent years, that was not the case in the late 19th and early 20th century.  

Check back with me tomorrow when I'll begin with our Mistress of the Month!

Missy