One of them was so famous, I think it would be difficult to not have heard of her.
The other - not so much.
We'll devote one month to the less famous one.
Sometimes, despite the obvious here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot I think "It's all about him!"
Do you have an ALLIANCE*** with his wife?
Please leave a comment!
*** to define alliance, an association formed for mutual benefit, a relationship based on mutual interests.
THE HOLLYWOOD MAX FACTOR MUSEUM Max Factor is considered "The Father of Modern Make-Up." Restored to it's original gilded decor, this is where Factor created the looks for many a starlet and star. This is where Marilyn Monroe became a blonde and Lucille Ball became a redhead! The museum contains a vast collection of Marilyn Monroe costumes and artifacts.
Do you hang out somewhere?
Let's call this place Scenarios.
You find you somewhere besides your own place to spend time. It may be that you need to get out of the house, are lonely or want conversation, or your housemate needs space, or maybe you want to take your laptop to do some work, or there's some reading you want to catch up on. Maybe you're between jobs. Maybe you are looking for love. For whatever reason, you find yourself hanging out. You find a comfortable coffee house, café, or maybe it's a bar or a restaurant, and you begin some friendly interactions there.
For women, finding a place where there are some men of interest and a place to hang out can be difficult, especially if you have to go it alone. Check what it says on Yelp or some other reportage about the place before you become a hanger-outer. Does the place have a reputation? You're going to have to afford to hang out there. You're going to perhaps spend some time and money there before you get a feel for the place. You might be there often for a couple months before you realize that the scene there is mostly 12-Steppers out of meetings, or a man's man boys club type place where even new men find it difficult to fit in, or perhaps it's mostly families with children which might be good if you have children you can bring along.
After you've been around Scenarios for a while, you you realize that you have developed a crush on someone or they have of you. They are chatty. They are flirty. There is a gleam in their eye and you're picking up a vibe. You are interested.
Your crush never gets around to asking you on a date. You don't ask them out either because you're one to let the man lead, at least for a while. Or because you don't want to be so aggressive that forevermore he'll assume you're chasing him.
What is a DATE by the way? I've been thinking about this and basically I think a date in the purest sense is a time and place where you have some one on one interaction, uninterrupted by others. It's get to know you time. Caution: Seeing someone around at Scenarios is NOT A DATE and you should not leave there with them, not even to go for a bite to eat, and blur the definition, though it's OK to meet up with a group for dinner or a game.
In truth, the person at Scenarios doesn't want to ask you out because if it doesn't work out he may no longer have his hang out, least not for a while. He doesn't want a relationship to play out at the place. For all you know more than one man there is interested in you and among the men they've talked about it. (One friend had three men vying for her at a coffee house and then they discussed it and chose the one man who would go after her - someone she wasn't interested in. To me that's terrible. None of those men thought she had a say in it.)
What you have to do is not be so available. If you have not been going to this place regularly for not too long, say a month or so, you can vary your availability and cut back for starters. Your crush should go on down there and not find you. He should be wondering if you are ever coming back. Don't be surprised if he has his friends informing him about when they saw you last there - even what table you usually sit at.
Or if you stay for hours, cut back to a couple hours. Don't stick around because you know he's going to show up, or just because he did just show up.
Let's say you used to go after work most weeknights. Cut back to one night a week. If you want dates, stay away on Friday and Saturdays, and maybe Sunday's too. If you go back after an absence and someone asks you where you've been just say you've been busy. Make no promises about when you will be back there. If you have been going on dates, don't say, "Oh I've been so busy. I'm dating." Don't say that when you have not. This is not about pretending. It's not about trying to make someone jealous; that's pathetic. It's about being more private.
If you've been going to Scenarios a long time it may not be possible to regain privacy. If you have no choice such as another better place an easy commute away, you may become a little less available if you cut conversations short to get buried in your work. Be pleasant but be sure not to interrupt anyone's conversations, go to their table to say hi, automatically sit with them, or otherwise make it easy for them to talk to you. "Great seeing you around!"
There is a kind of friendship called a "Bar Relationship." This is when you have to go down to the bar /coffeehouse/cafe/wherever to see your friends. If you don't go there, no one will come looking for you. Months or years could go by and the same people may still be there when you come back. They will remember you maybe and be just as friendly but if the place goes out of business you might not know where anyone went.
That's because the friendships found in that place are based on the place and seldom go out of it. Sure some of these people do see each other around elsewhere - at work, church, another club, sports events, meetings, somewhere.
Crushes, however, need to lead to dates because otherwise they tie you up when nothing is actually happening. They are sparks that need to be tended to turn into flames.
Cutting back on how often you go to Scenarios, or not going there at all for a couple months may compel a man who wants his crush to turn into a date to ask you out, but of course you can't be unattainable. Usually a man asks for your phone number first. Here are some ideas for you that may help him along, a little.
First, if you have been going to this place suited up after work or perhaps in old jeans or some other clothing that makes you look like one of the boys, stop that. Change clothes before you go there. Wear a nice, modest outfit, not showing cleavage or your stomach, or too tight, but with some feminine "he would never wear this" touches such a flowery top or a big hat or a dress or skirt. Remind yourself you're female.
Second, you can make some of your contact information known in general, not specifically for him. As you may know, I believe that everyone should have a simple social card to give out so you're not scratching for paper and a pen. It's OK to hand out your card to a number of people at the same time for your business - not the company where you work where no personal calls should be coming in - your business. "Just got some new cards." I would not give out my home number this way, but perhaps a voice mail for this purpose.
Here are some things to remember.
1) When you have a crush on someone and you vary your availability it also tweaks you. You won't see him as much maybe and you'll miss him. If you pray, pray for clarity.
2) As my friend who was a mistress but ended up marrying an executive from a film company said, "If a man can't ask a woman on a date what else can he do?"
3) If you do start a relationship, you will probably have to let him have his hang out and stop going there completely. Otherwise, whenever you go in, it may be assumed you are looking for him. You can only do that if you are married and it's an emergency. Some men simply need to bond with other men. Sometimes they do this by girl-watching or having quasi competitions to get a date. In other words flirting should not be taken too seriously because some people do just enjoy the flirting.
*** For those of you who belong to a club, such as a 12 step program, well, you'll probably find that your meeting place is not a good place to start a dating relationship.
C 2022 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot
At the recent Oscars presentations, actor Will Smith, slapped comedian Chris Rock, after Rock made a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith's baldness, which is caused by the condition known as alopecia. Jada, a beautiful woman, with or without hair, sat in the audience and witnessed what has been interpreted as her husband defending her. It was sudden and shocking, and of course, an International Event that left the Academy Awards people wondering what sort of punishment, if any, should be dished out. Will Smith has been banished from attending the show presentations for a decade but gets to keep his Oscar. Dozens of articles and commentaries have been in the media about it. In some of them there is the speculation that Will Smith is overly defensive of Jada, the woman he loves, because their marriage is Open and has included a fairly recent affair of Jada's. Last September Will Smith confirmed that they had an Open marriage and that he never believed in a conventional marriage. The couple have two children.
I'm no expert on Open Marriages. In the 1960's a discussion about this Alternative Lifestyle began and this book, "Open Marriage" by Nana and George O' Neill was published in 1972. I believe you can download this book as a PDF file on the Internet.
Back in the day when people simply did not live as long as we have an expectation to, marriage till death was rarely over 20 or so years. Women especially had a high death rate due to childbirth and associated ailments, and men remarried, sometimes very quickly, because they needed a wife to do all the things that were assigned to women by gender - such as raising the children left without a mother, cooking, and household chores. So, there were not too many couples together to celebrate Silver and Golden anniversaries.
Then there is the fact that some couples have 'stayed together for the children' and who have gone their separate ways otherwise, and who perhaps have only tolerated His affairs but not Hers. Equality being what it is or should be, it would seem only fair if both partners could enjoy affairs. So, this falls into the category of women's liberation. Because it liberates the "long suffering" wife, to do as she pleases. (Not that there have not been 'long suffering' husbands.)
Perhaps the person who make a choice in favor of this form of Alternative Relationship also accepts that life is long and marriage may be forever, and is less threatened if there isn't any sneaking around.
Still, in a pragmatic way, openly having affairs - be they one night or enduring - does require the partner to accommodate and acknowledge. People as wealthy as Will and Jade can hire others to do the things most of us do - from housekeeping and yard work to child care, and so their time is more available. For an average couple, it might mean that one is left at home to do these things while the other is out and about. Therefore, I think there is an economic aspect to choosing an Open marriage.
Is knowing where someone is and with whom all the time a prerequisite?
I think that the big question is about Jealousy. Does a wife having an affair make her husband jealous? Does he want her for himself more? Is there always an implied competition to keep her? Is it only human to want various sexual experiences? What about the husband or wife who finds themselves no longer interested or capable of sex? Perhaps this is a lifestyle for those who do not find themselves to be jealous people.
Has the couple settled into more of a Great Friendship? Raising their children together and living in the same home, which is more easier that divorce and all those issues with whose turn it is to see them or care for them and living separated? (Having a large house most certainly would be a help there.)
How about the difficulty of sorting out finances?
Can we get married and then figure this all out before we live it in a forever agreement?
It seems to me MORE COMMUNICATION would be necessary.
I think more people are living in Open Relationships who don't announce it, and even more are living in Open Relationships who don't quite define it that way or realize it.
Missy
THE GUARDIAN : CLANDESTINE MISTRESS OF BOGART DIES Vanessa Thorp - writer
Excerpt: Between 1950 and 1956 Thompson (her maiden name was Bouvaire) traveled with Bogart, ostensibly as his personal secretary, bartender, and hairdresser. A hopeful starlet who had spent most of her youth in Mexico, Thompson had trained in wig-making and then established herself in Hollywood as an expert in the preparation of toupees, working for stars such as George Raft, Ray Milland, and Gary Cooper. When she traveled with Bogart, she always carried a suitcase packed with 10 hairpieces, including a 'cocktail wig' and a 'shaggy wig." The actor, Thompson once recalled, was practically bald but hated wearing a toupee. "I used to say, "You'll look like hell without it, like an old man."
...
Bogart made a habit of introducing her in company as his 'mistress', explaining to Thompson later that he believed the joke would ensure suspicious minds were thrown off the scent. The two shared a passion for sailing and drinking that repeatedly left his wife Bacall stranded, according to Jeffrey Meyer's biography Bogart: A Life in Hollywood.
April 23 2022 Missy here. Just a note that this article uses Meyer's book as a reference... I used Verita's book and was glad to know that this story was repeated in more than one book.
VERITA BOUVAIRE THOMPSON
1918-2011
I'm always curious about people back in the day, before there were the contraception options we have today and before we had the choices we have today when it comes to relationships inside or outside of marriage. Were they bigger risk takers?
So much more discretion was required because affairs were considered immoral by most all the American public from which fans, who could make or break a career, came. Hollywood actors had to worry about offending the audience while living their off-screen lives. Morality clauses were written into Studio contracts. Public relations and marketing and agents covered up potential scandals. Within Hollywood itself, it seems actors could rely on insiders not to talk to the media, that is, unless they made enemies.
There was so much more pressure to be married and stay married too, to be "normal." Fans followed the lives of their favorites by reading tabloids that were sometimes deliberately inaccurate - for better or worse. Now we more open minded 21st century people know that, back in the Studio System days of Hollywood, gay actors were even made to go on dates or marry straight women for their careers to survive. Hollywood.
The creatives who were there making movies happen, seemed to be the most liberal and understanding people alive about alternative lifestyles - at least among the initiated. Hollywood stars had minders helping to hide their personal lives and feed stories to the media to protect them and cover for them and to also, well, create mythologies. That has to be a more monumental task today when on the Internet a rumor with no basis can pass on information to the world in seconds.
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The book came out in 1982. Bogart died in 1957.
Humphry DeForest Bogart (1899-1957) reportedly had a difficult childhood and three previous bad marriages when he met the young model and starlet, Lauren Bacall (Betty Joan Perske (1924-2014) and it seems that ever since then, Bogie and Bacall have been a famous couple. They quickly began a romance after meeting in 1944 on the set of To Have and Have Not. Married at the time to another actress in what was a combative relationship, "Bogie" filed for divorce in February 1945 and was married to Bacall in May of that year. In his forties and 25 years older than Bacall, this was the actor's final marriage, his fourth and her first. The legendary Hollywood couple had two children together and were together till his death. One could not imagine any difficulties such as another woman.
It's not easy to imagine what Bogie and Bacall had in common so maybe it was a case of opposites attract. She was from a Russian-Jewish background, with a mother who was an immigrant from Romania, and she lived in the Bronx, New York. Though it's said that her parents earned good money, she was not raised as a class act but most certainly became one. He was from a White Anglo-Saxon Upper Class elite, the son of a surgeon and an accomplished artist. Yet Bogie played hard-living characters, smoking, drinking, and talking tough, lower class characters. He's known for his work in such films as Casablanca and The African Queen.
In his off-camera life Bogie was a drinker who smoked his way into the lung cancer that killed him. The original "Rat Pack" were Bogie and the friends who came over to hang out and party, such as Frank Sinatra.
I was following the notion that Lauren Bacall had been involved with a married man (Bogart) and perhaps broke his marriage, when I discovered that Bogart had been involved with another women named Verita for about 14 years and while married to Lauren, until she herself married in 1955 to Walter Thompson! This was a surprise to me. This long extramarital relationship between Verita Bouvair and Humphrey Bogart began in about 1942 when he was in his marriage to his third wife and she was also married at the time, but not to Thompson.
Verita Bouvair became Bogie's hairdresser. He'd go get his hair done and stay overnight at her house in Burbank, an area where many who work at nearby studios such as Warner Brothers lived and live, heading out for a film set early in the morning. Her husband had gone off to serve in World War II.
Long ago when I toured the Hollywood Boulevard area, I went to the Max Factor Museum, famous for its pink room, blue room, and yellow room, where blondes, brunettes, and red heads had their hair done. At the time a hairpiece that was used to give Humphry Bogart his hair was on display. I don't think any of us can imagine a bald Bogie. The process of making toupees with natural hair on a kind of lace net, and disguising the lace net with cosmetics, gave a very natural hairline look.
Verita, whose mother was Mexican, started out with Hollywood hopes of her own. In 1935 she was the runner-up in a Miss Arizona beauty pageant and a talent scout signed her to a contract with Republic Pictures. Her career soon ended when, in her first film, a Western, she fell off a horse and broke her arm. Realizing she needed to work at something else, she formed a partnership with a hairdresser and wig maker she met recuperating in Mexico City, then returned to Hollywood to become a licensed hairdresser. Bogart wasn't the only star that she worked with. The quality of the hairpieces she used was so good that she was in demand. By 1949 she had become Bogart's personal hairdresser, written into his contract with his new company, and worked on his hair in most of his films from that point on.
The couple were discreet but for all the carousing; was it really possible to be discreet? By the time Verita's book was published, the revelation came as a surprise to the public and many in "the know" were long gone. For about a decade, Thompson was Bogie's traveling companion and secretary.
One thing the two lovers had in common was getting drunk together. Pals, Bogie called her "Pete" as at the time she had a husband whose surname and hers was Petersen. Though still Mrs. Peterson, she was reportedly shocked to learn that the alcoholic actor married Lauren Bacall less than two weeks after his third divorce when she and Bogie had been together for a couple years. Yet, she did not spurn him. Verita was a high-spirited woman who liked a party and, like Bogie, was fond of her scotch and soda. Besides the road or at her house, Bogart's beloved boat, The Santana, became a place their relationship was carried out. According to Verita, Bacall didn't like sailing!
Bogie insisted that she attend social engagements in his home where he lived with his wife and children because it was expected of all employees. She had dinner with them often enough and had qualms about it. She did it to keep their relationship from Bacall and to keep her relationship with Bogie too. However, Verita was not without suitors. She says Bogie approved that she marry Thompson, a producer, and that she remained friends with the couple from that point on. Upon her marriage the affair ended.
After her husband died in 1975, Verita opened a Mexican restaurant called Verita's Canteena. Eventually she moved to New Orleans in the 1990's and opened another restaurant with the same name. It was when Hurricane Katrina, in 2005, was about to destroy New Orleans that there was an indication that Lauren Bacall had known about her husband's involvement with Verita all along. Offered a seat on a private jet to get out, she refused, saying, "Bacall failed to chase me out of Hollywood. Katrina won't force me out of New Orleans."
C 2022 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot
References for this post include the book above, and articles on the Internet including the one by Tom Vallence in the Independent, October 23, 2011 titled Verita Thompson: Humphry Bogart's Secret Mistress, as well as encyclopedia. Additionally, I read Lauren Bacall: By Myself.
