GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU

 

NATHANIEL BRANDON'S AFFAIR OF HIS OWN - EVENTUALLY HE ENLISTS HIS WIFE TO KEEP THIS SECRET FROM RAND

Nathaniel Brandon and Patrecia Gullison agreed to keep their affair a secret and he thought that their affair would end and not mean much.

Excerpt page 345: ...She turned down modeling jobs to be available to him.  He learned "to lie expertly," he wrote, "As I became a master at inventing reasons to be away from the office."  .... In early 1964, he reluctantly gave his wife (Barbara Branden) permission to conduct her own affair with an NBI colleague she had grown fond of. He didn't reveal his affair with Patrecia until three years later, when he needed her help in keeping his secret from Rand.

Missy here:  Despite almost flaunting it, Barbara took a while to catch on that her husband was having an affair with Patrecia.  But in the summer of 1965, she asked Nathaniel for a separation. From 1964-1966, Rand was still counseling the couple in order to help heal their relationship. To me this is all so convoluted. Ayn Rand may have had a philosophy - a theory - that could be applied to therapy but she was not at all qualified just based on her personal involvement with these people.  When the separation was announced, she may have hoped this would be when Branden turned to her, but it was not to be.

Excerpt page 347: Brandon stood on a precipice.  Should he tell the truth, risking Rand's anger and his own disinheritance, or take up his duties as Rand's lover?  He chose a third way, finding other but real incidental ailments to complain of: exhaustion from overwork, trauma from the end of his marriage, fragile self-esteem because of Rand's history of rebuking him, depression, "a sense of (emotional) deadness that made it exceedingly difficult to think of resuming a romance with her," and, somewhat astonishingly at this point, anguish over his second-fiddle status in the triangle with Frank, which had caused him pain in the past, he said, and almost surely would again.....

***

But, he was happy with Patrecia, perhaps more happy that he had ever been.  Ayn, perhaps as predicted, tried to find a way to analyze the relationship he had with Patrecia into oblivion. 

Excerpt page 349:  Gradually, his evasions, inconsistencies, and "drift" became intolerable to the woman for whom logic was tantamount to truth.  They began to have explosive arguments.

... The news of the Branden's impending divorce sent shock waves through the concentric circles of Rand's New York, Los Angeles, Boston, Washington D.C., Toronto, and Chicago organizations...

***

They denied others were involved in the decisions the couples made to divorce. It took three years into the affair, until 1966, that Nathaniel and Patrecia admitted to Barbara that they were going to start having sex! To me, this is a testimonial to the fear of Ayn Rand that Nathaniel must have felt. He seems to have been greatly confused about his feelings.

Perhaps Ayn had also had enough. When there are so many shades of grey, one sometimes starts to see thinks in black or white. Ultimately, but with tremendous anger, she did break with Nathaniel. It was an excommunication.

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AYN RAND : OUT OF DEPRESSION - WISHING TO RENEW HER AFFAIR WITH BRANDEN BUT HE'S FALLEN IN LOVE WITH A YOUNGER WOMAN

Although Ayn Rand got back to work - and business - and she - and Nathaniel Branden had lectured and created a following of Objectivists, in the early sixties she continued a long-held pattern of accepting others as friends and then discarding them. Her demands and expectations could be too much yet some of them were hurt. She wanted what - and who - she wanted. Though through her depression she and Nathaniel had gone without sex, now, at fifty-eight to his thirty-three, she wanted sex again.  They were collaborators on many a business venture and that included monthly newsletters, promotions, tours, publications and speaking engagements. He was considered to be her intellectual heir. He had worked hard.  But Nathaniel was no longer the twenty-four year old who had met his literary and philosophical heroine. By 1963 the Brandens, still married after all, moved into the same building as Ayn Rand and Frank O'Connor. But Branden did not want to go back to having an affair with Ayn but initially he agreed they would. Some of her followers would turn against him.

Excerpt pages 340-341: Those who took his side pointed out that he had dedicated himself to her and her ideas from is freshman year in college, was intensely protective of her self-image, and was naturally frightened of her volcanic temper and allegiance to a black-and-white moral universe.  In any case, he later admitted that he didn't love her, not in the romantic sense she meant, and hadn't since before the publication of Atlas Shrugged. (Fall of 1957)  If he appeared to forget her original horror of being "an old woman pursuing a younger man" and was maneuvering to get what she wanted, he was procrastinating. He also told her something that was true: that she was the most important person in the world to him.  He said he needed time to work out the problems in his ten year marriage to Barbara before resuming a romantic relationship with her.  During that early conversation she replied, sighing, "I don't feel fully ready yet, either.  I was just testing your attitude for the future." She offered to counsel the unhappy couple.  He accepted.  For the moment, he was off the hook.

He knew, if she didn't. that it was far too late to begin again.  During the years of her depression, he had behaved toward her as a good son behaves to an ailing mother, except that they occasionally slept together. Yet he had also distanced himself from her. ...

Excerpt page 344: What she didn't now was that, beginning in late 1963, Branden was juggling a new romantic triangle, or rather a parallelogram. As just about the time she decided that she was fully ready to resume sleeping with him, he fell in love with a younger woman - a willowy twenty-three year old fashion model and aspiring actress named Patrecia Gullison.

***

Missy here.  Yes Patrecia Gullison was married.  Branden had attended her wedding a year or so earlier. She was youthful but also had attended one of his lectures and was also a bit of a devotee.

Excerpt page 344: Unlike Rand and Barbara, she didn't ask hum to check his premises or overcome his flaws. Unconditional female admiration was a thrilling new experience for him, and he was starving for an extraphilosophical experience of sex.  She was "what Nathan had never had in his life," said Barbara in 2005, "someone who wasn't trying to save his soul."

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AYN RAND : A LITERARY AUTHOR WHOSE BOOKS STILL SELL LIKE CRAZY

And the oldest published books are collector's items 

and can be found on-line selling for thousands.

Two of the best known.

Ayn put in significant time as a Hollywood screenwriter as well.

TWENTY FOUR YEAR OLD NATHANIEL BRANDEN IS SEDUCED BY FORTY-NINE YEAR OLD AYN RAND

 

Missy here.  I wish I could think of Ayn Rand's husband, Frank O'Connor, as her creative muse, but it seems he fulfilled another role in her life, one of unending support - the unselfish one. Nathaniel Branden, though intelligent, educated, and heading for a career as a psychologist, seems to have fallen under Ayn's spell.

Excerpt page 256:  Nonetheless, he felt an unfamiliar sense of elation, power, even mastery.  The woman with the magnificent eyes and the penetrating mind was looking to him for romance; and when he looked back at her, "the image (of myself) I saw reflected (in her eyes) was that of a god," he later wrote.  "I am in love with you, " he said aloud.  It was a fiction that would last fourteen years.

It wasn't a conscious fiction, not at first.  That they had fallen in love struck them both as philosophically inevitable and romantically and morally correct.

That first afternoon, they told each other that whatever they did they would not hurt each other or their spouses.  Rand suggested that the affair would be "nonsexual" in the ultimate sense," meaning that their lovemaking would stop short of intercourse.  Brandon agreed, disappointed but also relieved, he recalled.  As crusaders for integrity and honesty, they also prepared to present the fact to Frank and Barbara. They decided to ask permission to meet by themselves twice a week....

***

And actually, they all four met.  Ayn and Nathaniel claimed that this did not mean they did not also continue to love their spouses. So, as I see it, they altered their relationships and were now in Open Marriage.  A couple months later they revamped the agreement to include full sexuality.  Barbara also felt that her frustrating sex life with her husband was part of the reason.  But Barbara was not well, suffering nightmares and panic. Nathaniel, who was enrolled in a master's degree program at NYU began to play therapist with his wife - and others - using Rand's theories.  Evolved a whole language of ideas about a person's psychological state.  By my way of thinking, what this all amounted to is psychological abuse of Barbara. If she could not find this change in her relationship with her husband acceptable then she was blamed.  Objectivists could not also be Emotionalists, like Barbara.

By the fall of 1958 Ayn herself was depressed despite increasing wealth and being in demand as a speaker and lecturer. She was also having to face literary criticism and took to secluding herself. She remained depressed until early 1961. She smoke and drank coffee. She had also begun using stimulants by prescription and may have used the drugs to lift her mood, loose weight, or get wired.  Frank O'Connor didn't desert his wife, but he also withdrew.

Missy

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WOODEN NICKLES

THE FOUNTAINHEAD NOVEL BECOMES A FILM and NATHANIEL BRANDEN COMES INTO THE LIFE OF AYN RAND and HUSBAND FRANK O'CONNOR

Page 211 Excerpt:  (Regarding The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand's novel, which she had worked long and hard on, not being hoped for literary hit or the well received film, which premiered in Hollywood in June 1949 and was seen in Warner Brother's theaters after that.)

But the larger explanation for the disparity lies within Rand's character. She would not admit that she had written a flawed script.  From adulthood, if not before, she positively refused to consider that she bore significant responsibility for any of the conflicts, failures, or disappointments of her life.  "In all the years I knew her, I never heard her say anything remotely to the effect that she had acted badly, mistakenly, or unfairly," recalled a former friend. As her fame increased and she became conscious of her own iconic stature with readers and audiences, she tended increasingly to fuse her life with the lives of her characters, whose mistakes, if any, arose from ignorance of other's bad intentions and not from a lack of objectivity, diplomacy, or wisdom. She remembered obstacles and disappointments less as ordinary, if infuriating, setbacks than as episodes in a tug of war --- like Roark's *a character who appears to be her idealized man), like Equality 7-2521's - with evil. People and events appeared as black or white. She minimized to the vanishing point the help she had received, failed to mention thinkers who had influenced her, and presented herself as a wholly self-created soul. ..."

Page 219 Excerpt: Of all the readers and viewers of The Fountainhead, however, only one had personal meaning for her, she later said. This was a nineteen year old college freshman named Nathan Blumenthal.  A few years after meeting her, he would legally change his name to Nathaniel Branden.

***

Book Review/Report:

Nathaniel Brandon had read the novel for the first time at age fourteen... In the fall of 1949, when the Canadian, who was also of Russian-Jewish heritage, was in his first semester at UCLA, he wrote Ayn Rand and began a correspondence with her. Husband Frank suggested she call the young man and she did, inviting him to visit her at the couple's ranch. She was forty-five and a woman of power and he was a college freshman. They talked for nine and a half hours - all night long - about her philosophy and how to make sense of the world. He was invited to come by again. Ayn considered him to be a genius.

Romantically, Nathaniel Brandon was involved with Barbara Weidman, who was also Canadian and of Jewish heritage, also read and loved The Fountainhead, and also was a student at UCLA. He brought her along to meet and talk with Ayn on the next visit. She too was intellectually stimulated by the conversation and Ayn as an example of an intellectual woman. Meanwhile Frank occupied himself with farming enough to have a somewhat successful business of it.  Ayn and Frank had welcomed so many visits from Nathaniel and Barbara that they began to regard them as, and call them "the children."

I wonder, especially because of reports that Frank never initiated sex with Ayn, if Ayn had ever wanted children.

***

Excerpt page 230:  Most intriguing to them was her marriage.  O'Connor, who could have posed for an Esquire ad and who exuded warmth, gentility, and wisdom, was unresponsive to philosophical discussion and even to most books, yet Rand, who usually placed the highest premium on analytical intelligence and self-assertion, called him her "top value."  Seated, she would glance around to be sure he was nearby; she continuously touched him and held his hand.  "Frank is my rock," she told Barbara.  To Nathaniel, she said, "He believed in me when no one else did." and "We have the same sense of life." He was silent because he was "Too disgusted with people to share what he is with the world," she told them...."

In the fall of 1950, Rand began touching Nathaniel, too. She sometimes held his hand as they strolled the grounds and talked about their ideas and her work.  Barbara saw nothing odd in the older woman's affections for Nathaniel.....

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AYN : MRS. FRANK O'CONNOR and FRANK O'CONNOR : MR. AYN RAND : FAME AND FINANCIAL SUCCESS LEAD TO A DIFFERENT LIFESTYLE

Missy here!

In 1926, Ayn Rand first sighted Frank O'Connor, born in Ohio in 1897, and then twenty-nine, when he was a background actor. He had two brothers settled in Hollywood before he came. He eventually moved into some speaking roles.  They were married in 1929, about the time that her Visa was to expire.

Excerpt pages 66-67: There is no doubt that Ayn Rand did stalk Frank O'Connor.... She ambled over to his side, stuck out her foot, and tripped him. He apologized for stepping on her toes, and they exchanged names... Later that day, she waited for him on the weekly parole line, and they spoke to each other again. And then he disappeared for nine long months...

Rand was heartbroken, and obsessed....

She saw him again in the Hollywood branch of the public library, in May 1927...  Ayn and Frank began to see each other in the evenings and on weekends... Perhaps for the first time in her life, Rand was transparently, completely happy....  O'Connor probably gave her her first kiss; he was her first and, for a long time, only lover...

***

After some financial success due to her screenplay and authorship, in particular her novel The Fountainhead, which kept selling briskly, and after living in a cramped apartment, the couple moved to a house in the San Fernando Valley - Chatsworth - thirteen acres of farmland. The house had been designed for director Josef von Sternberg and his mistress Marlene Dietrich in 1935, a then modern steel and glass design!  Frank became a gentleman farmer while they could afford a cook, maid, and handyman. However, despite this new lifestyle, despite having her own office on the studio lot at Paramount where she wrote screenplays, Ayn considered New York City to be her spiritual home, They traveled there on business trips. She was famous now and her confidence was at an all time high. She began to attract young men as friends, was socializing and entertaining politically conservative friends.

In 1951 she told friends they were moving to New York. Soon they were driving cross-country to the city, where a rental apartment had been arranged for them. Maybe Frank believed it was temporary when he left his beloved farm in the care of others - perhaps five years, or seven, but they would never live in California again. Nathaniel Branden and his wife, Barbara, lived in New York.

Excerpt  page 237:  No one who knew O'Connor believed that he willingly left the San Fernando Valley ranch.  "That property was his business and his world," said Hill. "Ayn knew it.  There was no way she didn't know how badly she was hurting Frank."

***

Frank began working at a florist and took up painting...  By 1957 Ayn and Nathaniel were neighbors, spending time with each other two to three times a week, holding hands and hugging good-bye, though they were both married.  They were telling others they were "soulmates."  It took a while, since these actions were often in front of their spouses, but Nathaniel's wife Barbara finally realized that Ayn was in love with her husband and said so.

Excerpt page 255: ...Now at the height of her mental and emotional power (he was twenty-four and she was forty-nine), she had been rehearsing just such a moment of triangulated passion for at least half her life.  Branden, as flattered and incautious as he may have been, was out of his depth.  For all his flirtatiousness, he had never really contemplated an actual affair with his literary and intellectual idol, he later said...

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BETTER TOO MUCH THAN TOO LITTLE

 

AYN RAND EARLY in HOLLYWOOD : WORKING SUBSISTENCE JOBS and A ROMANTIC PHILOSOPHY

Anne C. Heller is the author.

Page 68 excerpt:  From mid-1928 until the summer of 1929 - the last summer of the nation's long, carefree era of prosperity before the Great Depression - the girl with the sign of a crown on her forehead worked as a waitress, a department-store clerk, and a door-to-door saleswoman.  It was an embarrassing and probably a frightening time for her.  At age twenty-two she was without dependable employment in what was still to her a foreign country. She had half-jokingly boasted to family and friends that she would be famous within a year of reaching Hollywood, but for the moment she stood outside the golden circle of that City's opportunities. She had to borrow small sums from her Chicago relatives, and, according to unpunished letters from her parents, for a time on a twenty-five dollar monthly subsidy from them, in order to pay her Studio Club rent. Worst of all, her legal standing in the United States was in jeopardy.  While she had been working for DeMille, the director presumably sponsored visa extensions for her with the immigration service, as was the custom in movie industry.  Without a permanent job or a powerful sponsor, she had reason to fear that her time in the United States was running out.  At one point, things looked so bleak that Anna (her mother) actually urged her to come back to Russia, or at least to return to her relatives in Chicago.  Rand of course, refused.

Pride was not a defect of character in Ayn Rand's universe. She concealed her menial jobs from industry acquaintances by working in the suburbs, and she disguised her dire financial condition from O'Connor, who was making ends meet by working in a restaurant alongside Nick and Joe. (His brothers.) She wanted her suitor to see her at her best - that is, to see the woman in Ayn Rand. She already believed, as she would later write, that romance should never be mixed with suffering or pity.  Echoing her mother's Victorian maxims, she also thought that a woman should avoid cooking or cleaning in the presence of her lover and steer clear of becoming her lover's pal.....

Excerpt Page 71 : Ayn Rand and Frank O'Connor were married in the Los Angeles City Hall of Justice on April 15, 1929, either just before or just after Alice Rosenbaum's via officially expired.  Two weeks later, she and her husband took a borrowed car to Mexicali, Mexico, and re-entered the new name, Mrs. Charles Francis O'Connor, and a new legal status as the wife of an American citizen.  As such, she was entitled to a rapid evaluation to become a permanent resident, and eventually, a citizen. By June, having proved that she wasn't wanted for crimes in Soviet Russia, she received a permanent visa, the equivalent of a green card.  With only one exception, she never left the United States again. 

Missy here:  Comments from Frank's relative that Frank loved Ayn more than he loved any woman, feel telling to me. She had moved from the YMCA accommodations, where virtue of the young women who stayed there, was said to be protected, into a furnished room so she and Frank could become lovers. The author suggests that because of his Catholicism this would have propelled him to marry her anyway. I wish O'Connor's sense of his religion and sexuality were better known as this comes into conflict with the reportage that, after his mother's death, at age fourteen he dropped out of Catholicism and became a strong, life long atheist like Ayn. One of the reasons is that frustration with him sexually could have propelled her into seeking what she could not get out of her marriage elsewhere.

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BAGS OF IT

 

AYN RAND ; LONG MARRIED SUCCESSFUL NOVELIST - KNOWN FOR HER OBJECTIVIST PHILOSOPHY - FRANK O'CONNOR HER HUSBAND - NATHANIEL BRANDON HER MUCH YOUNGER MARRIED PSYCHOLOGIST LOVER

AYN RAND

Alissa Zinovievna Rosenbaum

1905 (Russia) -  1982 (New York)

"My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute."  - Ayn Rand  (page1)

Ayn Rand was born into a Russian Jewish family, but didn't make much of the religion of her birth, instead promoting a philosophy of how best to live life, with the emphasis on an individual's self-interest. As a child, her family was prosperous enough to vacation travel to London and Paris and she also found herself in a decent grade school that ignored the tiny quota for Jewish students and took more like her. She also graduated Petrograd State University, where she was a member of student writing clubs, in the fall of 1924. The nineteen year old graduate then enrolled in a new school, State Technicum for Screen Arts, meant to train actors and cinematographers. In 1925 she got a passport and applied for a Student Visa to America, with her impoverished family and her mother making personal financial sacrifices to support her ambitions.

Fleeing a hostile existence in which Jews were targeted, Ayn was the one in her family to make it America. She went to Berlin, then Paris, and arrived on a steamship to New York harbor in February 1926. She went first to Chicago and relatives of her mother's and she promised to return to Russia but did not. In 1931 she became a citizen and endeavored to get her family out of Russia but was thwarted. As the years passed, and the Holocaust of World War II occurred, she was unsure if any of her family left behind in Russia had survived in Europe, thus pointing to a disconnect from them. Rand hated Russia and the Marxists and her experiences there would forever influence her thinking. She would become the anti-Communist heroine of Capitalism but not a Christian one. She - and the man who would become her husband, were atheists. Giving herself a new, made-up, name was perhaps her first act of recreating her self, a self that believed in individualism.

However, Ayn was also one of those who wanted "Communists" eradicated from Hollywood in the 1940's, still a controversial move.

She'd begun writing as a child - ten years old - sixteen; a first novel: Perhaps she knew writing to be her strength. She left Chicago for Hollywood and an encounter with Cecile B.DeMille, also of Russian-Jewish heritage, got her a job as a screenwriter circa 1927 which paid her rent at a YMCA owned residence for women unchaperoned. Mythologies have sprung up about their "chance encounter." It's said Ayn likely managed to run into DeMille just as she was said to have stalked the man she wanted to marry. By 1928, none of her scripts moving towards development into movies, she was cut to part time employment. Then when DeMille moved on to form Goldwyn-Mayer, she was left without a job.

Hollywood also was where she met the man she chose as a husband, actor Frank O'Connor, who is described repeatedly, and in so many words, as an accommodating gentleman. (His brother is described as both gay and essential to the relationship and I kept wondering if he also was gay. Especially when I read that it was said that he had never initiated sex with Ayn, but she did with him.) Initially, he was doing better than she. He went from background acting to small speaking roles.  

'He was earning enough to buy his young wife her first portable American typewriter, a radio, and a beautiful made-to-order walnut desk.  He presented her with a brand new copy of Webster's Daily Use Dictionary; inscribed with a love poem he wrote, based on the letters of the alphabet. Together they purchased their first car; A used Nash, bought on time, which Rand would never learn to drive.  He decorated their new apartment, giving his wife another glimpse of his artistic talent. They were happy.' (page 75)

In a rare "role reversal" of sorts for the time, after O'Connor's small parts in films did not suffice, Ayn became the bread-winner, the one whose career was to be followed. In essence her husband became a Kept Man, but married, known only for his relationship with her.

They bought land to ranch and he became a gentleman farmer out in the San Fernando Valley, but when Ayn tired of Hollywood, they moved to New York, with promises to return some day. They never did.  Another couple took care of the property and the farm for many years. There were times during their marriage in which he took small jobs to help out financially, but it was up to him to arrange the flowers and spend time painting. A decision was made and the couple left Los Angeles for the Big Apply in the fall of 1934.  We The Living, a novel by Ayn Rand, was published in 1936.

It was in that city that the couple went from a shared room to owning a decent apartment to live in for years, and where Ayn sweated over writing her novels, as fame and fortune were hers. It was also during these years that a complicated and sophisticated of relationship intrigue went on, perhaps essential to Ayn's emotional and psychological stability.

She was about fifty-two years old and had been at it for thirty years before she became world famous and she had worked very hard at her writing. Rand was devoted to it, considered a genius, and she became extremely concerned that she top the success of her prior two novels as she worked on her third.

When it came to support for her career, Ayn did not only depend on her husband or her friends. Rather a much younger man and his fiancée had come into her life - their lives, starting with their long visit out in California, almost as devotees to her philosophy. The youthful Nathaniel Brandon was engaged and eventually married the same woman, Barbara. Perhaps sex wasn't ever going to work out for this couple, but eventually Ayn and he had an affair beginning in the mid 1950's, reportedly fifteen years long, one that her husband and his wife also accommodated and sex was only part of their relationship. 

Years went by, the young man matured, became a psychologist, met a younger woman who did not come with complications, and sought to divorce his wife. The hesitation - and the conniving - was about how he might sustain all the important roles he played in Ayn's life, other than the romantic or sexual. This new development happened about the time that Ayn had recovered from a years-long serious depression, after her second novel, The Fountainhead, which she'd spent years working on, was met with criticism. (Her novels today are considered classics, still sell very well, and her philosophy still has influence, especially on economic policies.) Ayn was in charge again. She had called off sex with Nathaniel Brandon and now wanted to start it back up but clearly, at least to him, she was no longer attractive to the younger man.

How Ayn and her husband Frank and Brandon and his wife Barbara slowly came to agree to what would be considered today to be an Open Relationship, was of special interest to me and, I think, would also be to the readers of Mistress Manifesto. It could be argued that husband Frank O'Connor had become a Kept Man as a husband but notions of who should dominate a relationship and be the bread-winner back in the day are now considered old fashioned. I would also say that when it came to self-determination and satisfying one's needs Ayn dominated the marriage and was superior in meeting her needs, while not abandoning her husband.  The moral qualms, if there were any, seem to have been those of Brandon.

However, when the truth finally came out, she was extremely angry and indignant. She banished the younger man from her life.

Continue with me this month as we explore these complicated relationships.

Missy

P.S.  Although Rand was an advocate of hard work and earning one's own way in the world, of self-responsibility and a sort of moral righteousness, although she wore a dollar sign pin, she was never wealthy by today's standards and her sense of morality was not that of the typical American citizen.

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The book by Anne C. Heller is the primary reference for this month's posts.

 

ABOUT LEAVING A COMMENT

I read every comment before deciding if I will publish it.  I'm looking for comments that are well spoken and well considered and that are on spot for the post the comment would appear under. I especially like comments that answer the questions I'm asking. I'm open to different opinions but please, think of how you spoke in class discussions at school and consider your audience!  For more information check out the PAGE about comments.

Friends, if there is a Kept Person you think I should do more research or reading about, please suggest books, articles, or leads to that information. 

THANKS!

Missy

QUEEN OF HEARTS : GREGG ALLMAN

RECENT FINANCIAL SCANDAL IN MONACO? IS PRINCE ALBERT'S FORTUNE HIS TO SPEND AS HE SEES FIT?

Ah, Monaco. One of the tiniest and wealthiest countries in the world, and a cast of characters worthy of any classic Greek play.  Can you really walk across it in a half hour or less?  You can!  It's jammed with wealthy and powerful individuals and Prince Albert II is the Head of State as well as one of the busiest men on earth.

To start, the scandal first began with the possibility that the businessmen involved were profiting personally or taking more money than due them, but extended to criticism about how Albert spends his own fortune.

For this I first reference TOWN AND COUNTRY MAGAZINE : MONACO - ALBERT II - FINANCIAL ADVISORS by Simon Usborne from February 2024

The suggestion of financial scandal began in 2021 and the first reveal was via YouTube! Some of the Prince's long time advisors were involved in the scandal.  Was there anyone left to trust?

Excerpt: In a kind of Wikileaks-sur-mer, the site began posting scanned and lightly redacted documents, including supposed e-mails and bank statements that, "if we are to believe the veracity of these documents" as the newspaper Le Monde cautioned, accused these four men in particular of exploiting their positions and princely patronage to extract enormous wealth from Monaco's superprime real estate market, allegations they were swift to categorically deny.

By June 2023, the once trusting Prince had asked all four men to resign.  

NEW YORK POST : INSIDE DANGEROUS SPENDING : HOW ALBERT SPENDS (HIS PERSONAL FORTUNE IS A BILLION OR MORE)

Reading around this scandal, the Prince's expenditures including an allowance for Princess Charlene and a payment of her overdrafts, allowances for Princess Caroline and Princess Stephanie, as well as generosity to his daughter Jazmin's New York apartment and an allowance for his son, Alexandre. Nicole Coste's once received $850,000 a year but also "decamped" to live in London.  (A man buying his mistress a place to live in for the rest of her life, or which she can sell if in need after the relationship is over is a very good idea.)

So here's my take:  The expenditures for houses, allowances, and so on, for those closest to Albert II are really not all that much considering the cost of things in Monaco and the expenditures related to public appearances that include social events.  Princess Caroline and Princess Stephanie have their own financial resources as well as may some others. I suspect that even with designers possibly giving deals to the beautiful and famous family of Monaco so as to wear their clothing, the need to appear fashionable in keeping with the marketing of Monaco as one of the most expensive destinations on earth means a lot of the money is spent on clothing and jewelry. 

Could YOU afford to live in Monaco? Some websites suggest that about $10,000 a month is average for a single person.

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FLIRTATION

NICOLE COSTE and ALBERT II OF MONACO KEPT THEIR RELATIONSHIP A SECRET FOR SIX YEARS - THEN SHE WENT TO THE MEDIA TO REVEAL IT

THE LIST : NICOLE COSTE AND ALBERT II FEUD MONACO  By Hannah Rice  August 2023

According to this article, Albert and Nicole arrived at the same events in Monaco separately, so as to keep their relationship a secret. They met in 1997 when he was on a plane and she was the stewardess for 1st class travelers. It might have been love at first sight for the both of them.  Their son was born in 2003 and then the status of the relationship and Nicole's in Albert's life - as well as what she was or was not to the citizens of Monaco - became a difficult question.

Excerpt: ...For one thing, it is understood that Prince Albert was not at the hospital when Alexandre was born, leaving Nicole to undergo the pains of childbirth solo.  For another, he was not exactly quick to claim paternity.

On the contrary, Albert dragged his feet on the matter, allowing weeks, and then months, to pass by without taking responsibility for his first-born son.  As explained in the French tabloid L'Express, Nicole had to fight her ex-boyfriend step-by-step on the matter and struggled to obtain proof that Albert was, indeed, Alexandre's father.  In terms of genetic evidence, it has been reported that Albert took a top-secret D.N.A. test, which was performed at a lab in Switzerland.  However, this was only one step in what L'Express called a "long and tough negotiation" between the former lovers.

Missy here!  I don't think that going to the media for resolving relationship issues is the best idea. That Nicole did this tells me she was frustrated with Albert. And also that Albert did not entirely trust or believe Nicole. In this article Nicole spoke of Princess Charlene and a rivalry is revealed. 

But what we want to know is if Nicole is at all responsible for Charlene's long stay in Africa and eventually return to Monaco, only to then head to weeks in a Swiss clinic to address a mystery ailment.  So very many rumors plague these people. 

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

IDEALS and REALITY : DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES

"I will not confuse my ideals and my reality."  

C 2009  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot First Published November 14,2009

CULTURED CARNATIONS

from Library of Congress

American Carnation Culture (1892)

ENOUGH OF USING E-COMMUNICATIONS and OUTING OTHERS TO BREAK UP : IT'S NASTY IT'S REVENGE and HAS NO PLACE IN ROMANCE

A recent expose of people using e-media such as e-mail and texting to break up or, going low-tech by posting handwritten or banner signage on their lawns to let all the neighbors know, which then made it onto the Internet, had me cringing.

All these people were nasty and revengeful. While they maybe did not know better, I think they all knew what they were doing at the time - but did not consider the consequences. They thought they were outing the person who hurt them but they were also outing themselves. They were letting the world know they are losers at love and mean-spirited.  

A person might be the one in the right, but as soon as the sign is posted everyone will be thinking or saying "It takes two." 

Do your neighbors want to get involved?  They may love gossip and have nothing better to do than spread it, but most people really do not. 

Does someone else want to be partnered with someone so nasty and revengeful?  No!

I realize that most of these people were in emotional pain when they did what they did, but they no longer have any privacy. There is little chance after stunts like this to perhaps resolve the issues and make the relationship better. 

It's horrible for children to deal with. Now children at school will be talking about the sign on the lawn and asking the child of revenge seeking parents about their parent's relationship or making comments. 

As for using text to develop a relationship or to break up. STOP THAT NOW!

Text should only be used when you cannot phone call and phone call should only be used when you can't talk in person. 

This is a person who has shared your life, who you have been intimate with, and if you don't get that and can't be sensitive, I can't feel sorry for you.

If you have been dating, perhaps not exclusively, but it's been several months, and you know the other person has strong feelings for you developing, even if you have not had sex, you should break up with them in person. 

Here are some guide lines.

If you have been married, engaged officially, or have been steadily dating after having a commitment discussion, or you have had sex, a break up absolutely must be done in person. The other person deserves that respect. 

Do you have to give details such as why you are breaking up?  Sometimes it is kinder not to. Forget "Cruel to be kind." That is hostility.  Should you give details about the "other woman" or "other man?"  That you are no longer in love or no longer want the partnership is more than enough. Will the person ask?  Probably.  What is the least hurtful response? I would say you can skip the details until or if it becomes important later.

What if that "other woman" is pregnant and you want a quick unpartnering because you intend to partner (or marry) that person in order to be a father to that child. I think that your current partner needs to know this is true. Your future does not just include another woman who you may or may not marry or be with a long time but also a child who is a responsibility for the next eighteen years or more and might become a half-sibling.

When it comes to that you want or need to break with someone because of a habit or a drastic difference world view, you have to ask yourself if you think the reason is something the other person could change. If they could change it why are you not giving them the chance to? Are you willing to change also?

If you dated a little, no sex, but you're calling time on the developing relationship, make a phone call. Don't ghost this person. A phone call will suffice.  They deserve to know you are moving on so they won't waste time wondering. 

Missy

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

STANDOUT

NICOLE COSTE and CHARLENE WITTSOCK'S RELATIONSHIP BEFORE PRINCE ALBERT II "THE PLAYBOY PRINCE" MARRIED CHARLENE? NICOLE COMPLAINS TO THE MEDIA IN 2014.

Although it's certain that Albert II of Monaco and Nicole Coste had a relationship, as their son Alexandre, born in August 2003 has proven, exactly how the Prince was proceeding with Charlene Wittstock is not known.

Albert met Nicole in 1997. 

He and Charlene met in 2000 in Monaco where Charlene was in a swimming competition, and their engagement was announced by the palace June, 2010. They were married in July 2011. So we can figure that the Prince had both women in his life, in some way, for at least a couple years before the birth of Alexandre, and continuing on.

Were the two women rivals for the Prince for some time? Truthfully we do not know that. But we do wonder.... Since we know here at Mistress Manifesto that adultery is not required to have or be a Mistress, it is actually a question of when Albert had Nicole as a Mistress AND when he had Charlene as a Mistress.

Tricky, because it's implied that being a Mistress has to do with a man providing financial advantages to a woman who may have her own work or career.  Due to his fabulous wealth, no doubt he made Nicole's life easier, and as for Charlene, I would say yes he did.

However, in April of 2005, Prince Rainier, Albert's father died, and he was the heir to the throne, which he formally took to in July of 2005. He admitted to having a two year old son.  (He had also admitted to having a daughter as the result of an affair previously.) 

DAILY MAIL :PRINCE ALBERT NOT SEEING SON SINCE MARRYING PRINCESS CHARLENE? by Alexis Parr for Mailonline  published in April 2014

In this article it is stated that Nicole and Albert had a six year relationship.

Excerpt:

In an exclusive interview with The Mail on Sunday, Nicole, who has fought hard - but unsuccessfully - for Alexandre to be recognized as a prince, tells how she was shunned by Monaco society and left to explain to her tearful son why his father no longer sees him.

'The truth is that, I'm sorry to say, Albert hasn't seen Alexandre since a brief visit last September.  It has become impossible since he married that girl,' she says referring to Charlene, 36. 'I suppose as a new wife, how would one feel? But she should think about my innocent child.  I don't want to attack her but I think it is just jealousy and I don't know why.  I have been through hell in my fight for my son's name and future.'

Understandably loath to go into the detail about her son's distress, Nicole leaves it to a close confidante to explain how the distance has affected her son. 'Alexandre misses his daddy dreadfully,' the friend says. 'He has started to feel sad and rejected. He asks, "Why can't I see Daddy?" He has to be told that his father is busy.'

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

ALEXANDRE COSTE SPEAKS ABOUT HIS STATUS AND PARENTS - NICOLE COSTE and PRINCE ALBERT II OF MONACO

PEOPLE : ALEXANDRE GRIMALDI by Stephanie Petit  from August 2023

Excerpt:  

Alexandre also spoke about using the last name Grimaldi with his father's encouragement.

"My father's name is Grimaldi. It makes sense that I bear his name. I would have been called Dochomel if my father had been Mr. Dochemel!" Alexandre said. "Besides, I never called myself Coste or Coste-Grimaldi. On no ID, at school or on my diplomas. Those who call me that have a malicious attitude."

"My mother is tender by nature and let a lot of things be said because she was always advised to 'let the story go,' he continued. "Me, I will be more procedural because I was born in France, but I grew up in an Anglo-Saxon country. I'll attack if necessary."

"Nor am I 'illegitimate' since when I was born, neither of my parents was in another marriage, and they did not commit adultery. Using that word is insulting!  I hope no one believes the lies conveyed on the internet. One bears the name of one's father when one has been recognized since birth. I had voluntary recognition from my father when I was a baby. Not from a judge or the press who have forced him to," Prince Albert's son said. "My mother, whom I adore, is my rock, and she is not jealous at all of my choice. If she never said anything about my surname, it's been to protect our privacy....."

Missy here : When I read this, I feel that the recently adult and fairly-well-kept out of the press, Alexandre Grimaldi, who was born as Eric Alexandre Stephane Tossoiukpe on August 24, 2003 in Paris, was feeling defensive and trying to get his side of the story out to the world.  

I agree that neither of his parents were officially married to others at the time and were thus not officially committing adultery. However, adultery is not the deciding factor. Being recognized is not enough to be legitimate. Legitimate and illegitimate are legal terms: if your parents were not married at the time of your birth you are illegitimate. Inheritance is often tied into this. When he is talking about his mother, Nicole Coste, not being jealous of his choice, he means his choice to use the Grimaldi surname. His own mother changed her surname to Coste and called him Alexandre Coste. (Still no legal Grimaldi surname.)

Prince Albert II lives with restrictions to his choices tied in with his role as head of state of Monaco, a tiny but incredibly wealth country. Whatever his relationship with the mother of his oldest son is today, whatever wealth or prestige he chooses to share with Alexandre and Nicole, individually or separately, he has never been married to Nicole and his recognizing Alexandre as his natural son is not even the same as legally adopted him.

As a note, in more recent times both Alexandre and Nicole say they have a much better relationship with Prince Albert than they had previously complained about. Alexandre is becoming an adult and living his own life. It is harder to do that on the world stage and my hope for him is that he will find his niche and be a productive and positively influential individual.

Missy

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot  All Rights including Internet and International Rights

CARNATION : THE NATIONAL FLOWER OF MONACO

The carnation is the national flower of Monaco.

 

NICOLE COSTE : PRINCE ALBERT II IS RUMORED TO HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM MARRYING HER BY HIS FATHER : HER LOVE CHILD WITH THE PRINCE IS ACCEPTED AND REACHES ADULTHOOD

Back in September 2010, I elected NICOLE COSTE as Mistress of the Month. It's time to update ourselves on this beautiful African woman who, as Mistress of Prince Albert II of Monaco, is rumored to have wanted to marry back in the day before he did marry his forever wife, Princess Charlene. The son of Nicole and Albert, Alexandre, has been featured in more recent magazine and news stories as reaching adulthood as an accepted member of Prince Albert's family. It's not easy to sort through media and know for sure what's true and what is not about these relationships. For instance, I'm skeptical of the stories that Princess Charlene, Prince Albert II's wife, tried to flee her wedding and I dislike the misinterpretation of her emotional tears at the wedding as negative. But Charlene did go to Africa in recent years and stay there for a suspiciously long time, and then after a return to Monaco, entered a Swiss clinic. People do wonder at the status of Charlene's marriage to Albert and if Albert persists in faithfulness and loyalty to Charlene.

Let's start with the posts from 2010 and I'll add the updates.

- Missy

Here's what I posted in September 2010:

Nicole Valérie Tossoukpé, now called NICOLE COSTE, was a flight attendant from the African country of Togo when worldly Prince Albert of Monaco met her, and things were so good between them that Albert, who some say has outdone Mick Jagger when it comes to the numbers of women he has had, decided to set her up in Paris as his mistress. A few years into it, the couple had a son, Alexandre. Albert wanted to marry Nicole but his father said no...***

Now, I looked around the net for information and picture on NICOLE COSTE, and I'm linking to this one (click on the title above); it has some great pictures of the couple together and Albert with his son as well as strong suggestions that Monaco look no further for it's heir. Yes, there are some who want little Alexandre to become the heir to the throne and I know - Albert is marrying Charlene  - sometime in July 2011 - but this is MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT!

Just a few months ago Nicole emerged at Cannes...

C 2010-2015 Mistress Manifesto First published September 1, 2010

 

NICOLE COSTE BRINGS FORTH HER CHARITY 2010!

Miss Afrique 2010, first beauty contest of its kind on African soil ... NICOLE CONTE is busy, looking terrific, and doing something important with her life! The contest was partially sponsored by Nicole's charity...

*** In 2025 I still hear and read this.

NICOLE VALERIE COSTE

Nicole Valérie Tossoukpé

1971- present

She legally changed her surname to Coste in November 2004.

She has two sons from a previous marriage.

She and Albert II met on an Air France flight where she served as a 1st Class flight attendant.

This month I will go further with the Nicole Coste story than I did years ago. Although there may once have been talk of marriage, and Nicole has in interviews promoted the idea that the people of Monaco love her and that she could well as a Princess, it is also true that she is accused of having a rivalry with Princess Charlene and possibly the cause of Charlene's distress. She may or may not have had men in her life since Albert but if so, this seems to be a secret. Paris and London figure in her story too, not just Monaco.

If you would like to read past coverage about Monaco, you may want to visit my archives!

January  2015  

The GRIMALDI CURSE and the MISTRESSES OF THE PRINCES OF MONACO

C2010 Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot  First published September 9, 2010

C2025 Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot

 

PEACE IS THE LOVE OF HUMANITY

 

LILLIE LANGTRY "THE JERSEY LILY" SINGS ON THE MARGATE BOAT 1903

I searched for the silent film that Lillie Langtry made - just one - and apparently a copy does not exist.  However, the model -actress-singer did record some songs and this YouTube video was a find. It also has many a photograph.  She was a Pear's Soap model and is credited as the first celebrity to endorse a product during her early days.

The Margate Boat was recorded in 1903. (She was in midlife.)

The one film she appeared in, in 1913, was titled "His Neighbor's Wife." (She was nearing her senior years.)

Born in 1853, the woman born Emilie Charlotte de Bathe, known to the world as an model, actress, singer - and Royal Mistress, died in 1929 in Monaco, age 75.

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

GROWING

 

LILLIE LANGTRY : A NEW HUSBAND INFLUENCES HER TO SELL OUT OF THE HORSE AND RACING BUSINESS

Excerpt pages 247-248

In 1899, when she was forty-five, she married Hugo de Bathe. He was an odd choice for her.  He was nineteen years younger than her and he had no money to speak of. His main attraction seems to have been his father's title and Lillie would become Lady de Bathe. She was able to go ahead with the marriage with a clear conscious, because her troublesome first husband, Edward, had died of a brain hemorrhage in an insane asylum just over a year earlier, ending the speculation over the validity of her Californian divorce.

Hugo persuaded Lillie to sell her riding stable and horses, because he didn't think it was proper for a woman to own racehorses. The couple lived on Jersey for a time, but when Hugo volunteered for army service in the Boer War and left for South Africa, she returned to London and resurrected her stage career. Initially, she was just as successful as before, but her appeal was slowly waning. She tired vaudeville in New York and she made a film. In 1907, her marriage to Hugo finally paid off. Hugo's father died and she became Lady de Bathe....

It's my suspicion that Lillie supported her younger husband and that they both went their separate ways without considering divorce. In this way during the Victorian Era both would have been considered more respectable.   

I have a question for you: Have you given up a business in order to keep a relationship?