TAKE FIVE : DAVE BRUBECK

SWEET REUNION

ALL WE HAVE TO BE GRATEFUL FOR - ARE YOU AN INDEPENDENTLY MINDED PERSON?

My friend "Jack" has been with his partner "Johnny" for twenty years.  They are a gay couple.  Johnny was married and has a child that he's remained a good father to since he was born, while Johnny NEVER had a relationship with a woman.  Jack takes care of the house and creates the home, is the parent who drove Johnny's son to school and activities, and except that they are a gay couple, their relationship is more like a traditional marriage with a stay at home wife and mother and out there working father than not.  Johnny makes a very good income.  It's a mystery to me how they deal with money.  Will Jack be protected financially if Johnny, whose the older person, dies? Is Jack on an allowance?  Does he take care of his basic bills and allow Johnny to pay for all the wonderful world travel they embark upon?

Sometimes I worry that Jack is not financially protected, but I've never been able to bring up the subject. 

But one thing Jack is, is grateful. 

He may confide that Johnny works extremely long hours but that he likes it that way; He has never put the man down.  I secretly think that Jack would not be able to put in all those hours if it were not for Jack.

I urged Jack to consider starting a part time business - something just for himself, but he responded that he has " a full life" with Johnny. 

What makes this a topic for Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot is that I worry about Mistresses who are not financially protected.

Within this blog are Mistresses who were pragmatic Gold-Diggers, others who were left heartbroken, alone, and broke. Although the stereotype of a Courtesan or Kept Person is that they are only interested in riches, I tend to think today's more Independently Minded people are more interested in Relationship and Loving, especially as so many are educated and working as well.

Which are YOU?

Missy

HOME SWEET HOME

MISSY LeHAND LEAVES THIS WORLD

Missy LeHand was sent away to try and regain her health, which she never did, and she died weeks shy of her 48th birthday. Her grave says she was "utterly selfless in her devotion to duty" (that is, not her devotion to FDR). There was a Catholic Mass in Cambridge, Massachusetts, to which the White House sent patriotic red and white flowers with blue ribbon to cover her casket. Though dismissed from her job because she could no longer do it, the Roosevelts paid her medical bills to the end.

To her funeral came First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt as well as Joseph P. Kennedy, one of her successful Irish-American friends.

On March 28th, 1945 a military cargo ship was named the USS Marguerite LeHand in her honor.

HYDRANGIA FOR YOUR BUTTON

MISSY AND FRANKLIN and ELEANOR and LEANORA - WERE THEY IN CAHOOTS?

Did Missy expect to go off with Franklin into private life after he finally retired the Presidency?

Page 220  EXCERPT 

"What Franklin's character needed Missy LeHand provided, which lead to occasional friction, however politely conducted, between her and Eleanor. The White House staff paid Eleanor the deference due a first lady and found her cheerful and kind. In her whirlwind crusading they also sensed a woman of budding greatness. But as Lillian Parks observed, Missy LeHand was "sunshine and laughter and all the maids loved her."

"In the beginning, she presented a mystery to the staff.  But before long they gauged Missy's significance in the President's life. As Parks put it, 'When Missy gave an order we responded as if it had come from the First lady... We really had two mistresses in the White House.' The servants concluded "that Missy was the substitute wife and we honored her for it."  

By the standard of the 1930's Missy was reasonably well rewarded for her twenty four hours a day devotion. Her salary, in the midst of the Depression, was $3,100 a year.

In actuality there was a four way domestic living arrangement in the White House as Eleanor had Lorena Hickcock, who was called 'Hicks,' there in the evenings and Missy went in and out of the Presidential suite in nightgown and robe.

***
Reference for this post book Franklin and Lucy from the book by Joseph E. Persico, also quoted from last month. 




Missy here. What's implied in reference to Hicks is that Hicks was lesbian.  Did we have a lesbian or bisexual First Lady?

PINK HYDRANGIA

MISSY LeHAND's HEALTH IS RUINED - SHE MAY HAVE TRIED SUICIDE

How serious was President Franklin Delano Roosevelt about Missy LeHand, his personal assistant who is said to have been on call 24/7 for years on end? Known to have a heart condition caused by rheumatic fever, this workaholic woman seemed to not have had a separate personal life due to her total dedication to Franklin, with the exception of Bill Bullit.

In 1941 it all caught up with her and Missy suffered a stroke. After a second serious stroke 17 days later, was no longer able to speak and was paralyzed in her right arm and leg. She had no choice but to step down from her important White House job and the travel it required. Her mental illness issues were considered secondary or caused by her physical ones. She remained in Washington a while and then was sent to Warm Springs to recover.

FDR called in the best specialists and paid all her hospital and nursing bills - eleven doctors - but he was busy with World War II as Hitler had invaded Poland. FDR kept Missy LeHand on the payroll and signed a new will that provided for her medical care, willing one half his income of his estate to his wife Eleanor and the other half to "my friend Marguerite."

He decided to give the building that he and Missy desired to be a Presidential Library at Hyde Park to hold all his papers and memorabilia someday to the National Archives. Giving up on their project together, he called Missy on her 45th birthday in September 13th, 1941. His final in person visit with Missy occurred just weeks later on October 29, 1941. 

He had been spending hours in the White House with Lucy Mercer Rutherfurd.

When Pearl Harbor occurred on December 7th, Missy, who seemed to be improving, with setbacks, called FDR. He didn't call her back.  

Missy may have become suicidal. This was a woman who was used to being in an important  and perhaps powerful position and where the action was.  She was now reduced to living incapacitated and retired. She'd lost 25 pounds, at five foot seven, down to 105, wasn't eating, was depressed and crying. She choked on a chicken bone. She started drinking heavily. She set fire to herself with a cigarette. 

It was decided it was time to send her home to her family. She was taken off the Federal government payroll. The Roosevelts continued to pay for her medical care.

She and Franklin had some brief communications; calls, letters, gifts came, but the the two never saw each other again.  Then the trickle of communications came to that she called and he didn't call back, not even at Christmas. Old beau Bill Bullitt came by to see Missy but FDR had moved on. The woman who had once had a "ringside seat to history" was no longer a player.  It took several women - all working at one time - to do the job she had done at the White House!

Are you an Office Wife?

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WONDROUS

MISSY LEHAND's OTHER MAN : WILLIAM BULLITT and THE CHOICE

Known for her dedication to President Franklin Delano Roosevelt,  Missy LeHand seems to have one known serious beau, a man named William "Bill" Bullit who happened to be a State Department staffer and speechwriter for FDR, and then Ambassador to France. He was in her life for about seven years. Missy had a charm bracelet for which Bullitt was one beau who brought her symbolic gold charms.

Missy is said to have lived for Bill's visits. They wrote each other letters. Their last trip together was when they went to Philadelphia with FDR, not long after her 45th birthday.  Bill was about 50 then. It's said that she both broke off the romance and was devastated to have broken it off.  And so Bill's existence in her life makes us wonder if chose FDR over him.

After weeks of 18 hour days, Missy suffered a "health crisis."  What was wrong with her? Though supposed to be related to workaholic stress and the effects on her heart, perhaps it had something to do with FDR's other Mistress, now a married woman, Lucy Mercer, then about 50, who made her first trip to visit FDR at the White House while Missy LeHand was installed there. Lucy was the Mistress who had threatened FDR's marriage and yet he had not left his wife, First Lady of the United States, Eleanor, for her.

Was Missy's chest pain and irregular pulse due to emotional stress?  Her emotions were on a roller coaster.  After her strokes, angry outbursts and hysteria now characterized the woman. Were these emotions part of mitral valve infection?  Did she take opiates or sulfa drugs?  It was 1941, pre penicillin, and Missy's health would soon end her relationship and influence on the President and his administration.

KEEPING THE CALENDAR

GO VOTE!

MARGUERITE "MISSY" LeHAND - OFFICE WIFE - and WARM SPRINGS MISTRESS OF PRESIDENT FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT

MARGUERITE ALICE "MISSY" LeHAND

September 1896- July 1944

One of the primary references for this month's posts (along with last month's book Franklyn and Lucy), author Kathryn Smith, who wrote The Gatekeeper, is said to have had access to Missy's family.  While this was probably a good thing, I have to wonder if she was influenced by their desire to, perhaps, preserve the reputation of one of their own. In The Gatekeeper, any discussion of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Missy being more than professional associates and very good friends is nonexistent. In fact the book states that her unshakable loyalty to the President should not be "marginalized" (page 10) into characterizing her as a mistress or love starved secretary.  By my way of thinking for some men their Mistress is the one person who makes their lives worth living. Well, was Missy perhaps love starved because she never married (or had children) and her relationship with FDR seems to have kept other men (with one known exception) out of the picture? 

At one point there was a four way relationship going on in the White House - both Eleanor and Franklin had another person they were close to living there - for support - be it business or personal.

When Missy was pursued by a man who was available, William "Bill" Bullitt, well, she chose not to go where the relationship could have lead. Maybe women this career oriented, ambitious, and driven were so rare at the time that Missy was not understood. 

Or maybe the truth is that she was in love with her boss and wanted to become indispensable to him. She rarely left him alone, even if it meant not having a personal life outside work. She indulged in his stamp collecting hobby with him.  She was in the passenger seat in FDR's specially designed car as he took them on long, sometimes dare-devil rides. And she dressed to impress.  In 1934 the fashion industry elected Eleanor Roosevelt, the First Lady, one of the ten best dressed women of the year. Missy made a big attempt to upgrade her wardrobe.

However, in this situation, it seems the contest for FDR's affections wasn't between Missy LeHand and Eleanor Roosevelt but between Missy with Lucy Mercer Rutherfurd.  Missy would have been well aware of Lucy's visits to the White House.  

*****
My personal definition of Mistress comes in to play here. For instance in the news Amazon's owner Jeff Bezos was said to be having an affair with a woman named Lauren Sanchez who was called his Mistress simply because adultery was involved. (Since there have been divorce proceedings and Lauren is known as his partner.) Though a man of his great wealth could be a Sugar Daddy to a career woman who earns her own substantial money, there isn't much reason for Sanchez to be thought of as a Mistress, even if she was "the other woman."

Though it's rare, I believe true love can also not include sex, even when people are healthy and in youth. Various sexualities including asexuality can take place in a relationship. There are many ways to love and erotic love is just one of those ways.  I bring this up because there is a question about FDR's ability to be sexual because of his disability.  As last month's book by Joseph E. Persico argued, there was also an assumption that FDR no longer had sex after he was paralyzed. There is also a question of Missy Lehand's physical health preventing her from being sexual. A speculation of the author's is that because Missy's heart was damaged due to rheumatic fever in the pre-antibiotic days, when she was 15, and she was left with a heart condition, she would know better than to have sex or get pregnant and that being a semi invalid is something she had in common with FDR that bonded them.  (Hadn't anyone heard of contraception?)   What is  being suggested is that if a person can't be full on sexual then they can't have affairs so there is no way physically one or both of them could have.  What about deep emotional bonds? 

*****  
Missy LeHand was FDR's private secretary and right hand woman, on call 24/7, giving a broader definition to the term "office wife."  Being FDR's Mistress might just explain why Missy was living in the White House and seen going in and out of his room at all hours in nightgown and robe or why she chose to own so many blue evening gowns; Blue was his favorite color. Why would she consider being on call day and night reasonable if it was strictly business? Why would being FDR's Mistress have to deny that her secretarial and organizational skills were excellent, that she was ambitious, or that she was like the White House Chief of Staff in his administration? 

Missy LeHand was of Irish-American heritage, from a blue collar family, a high school graduate. At 20, she took what was a man's job - stenography (!) which some might consider a feminist move. During World War I, in 1917, a civil service test landed her work for the Ordinance Board of the Department of the Navy while FDR was in the Navy but they did not yet meet. She lasted three week at the Ordinance Board and went from D.C. to Philadelphia where she went to work for Democratic party campaign. FDR ran as VP and lost. Next she went to New York City. She was willing to go where the better jobs were. Workaholic?  Defying her own disability - a rheumatic heart as a fever survivor, it was said she had to be careful of exerting herself.

She called him F.D. She started working for FDR eight months before he was stricken with polio and she made it through all three of his Presidential terms and into the fourth, before she had two strokes, which began her decline. But then again, if you worked around the clock for 20 years, chain smoking all the while, might yours give out? She was there for the President in the White House and at Warm Springs,  referred to as The Little White House, the old resort that became a non profit for polio victims experiencing paralysis. 

In January 1921 she came to work for the Democratic National Convention and went on the campaign trail.  FDR's disability may have given him a new world view as he came in contact with other "Polios" from all walks of life. He was the only four term U.S. President and got the country through the Great Depression. During his years of Presidency, FDR instituted programs such as Social Security. 

Missy had a terrible time when she lost her ability to work, as she was devoted to her "duty" but the Roosevelt's didn't entirely forget her.  It's said that they not only paid her medical bills but maintain her grave to this day.


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