HAPPY NEW YEAR!

FAVORITE THINGS BY MARY J. BILGE

HAVE THE SWEETEST DREAMS

IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS - CELTIC WOMEN

A SPECIAL THANK YOU FROM MISSY

The Coronoavirus-19 Pandemic has severely effected all of us. Though so far I have not been ill, it sometimes seems that the precautions we take that have altered our lives are a bit paranoid.  Any little cough, sneeze, or ache, and we're worried.  Reading around it, the virus has caused not just economic issues but relationship issues, which includes an increase in filings for bankruptcy and divorce.

I wondered how I was going to make it through the year of 2020 researching and writing this blog. For a while I thought I would have to publish every other month - that could still happen. But not for the reason I thought.  Rather Google has forced a so called "upgrade" on Google Blogger that is beyond a learning curve, it is a time waster.  It has left me unable to easily find my research and so on and when I look for past posts and potential future posts, I feel like screaming.  Repetitive messages to Google stating that I wanted to remain a Legacy Blogger of no use.  So maybe it's time to move this blog to another company?

With all the libraries closed, my access to actual books, as I rarely buy them to research, has been limited.  I had to look through my notes on books I read in the past - as well as consider that using the Internet perhaps more than I normally would. However, these limitations also made me think and work in a different way, perhaps a more modern way.

Meanwhile, I wondered how some of the people who read MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT, people whose extramarital relationships are what keeps them going, were doing.  You see, every time I think that maybe I'm going to run out of people to feature in the blog, I learn about someone else who was or is Kept, at least a little Kept, or another book, or sometimes a reader leaves a suggestion about someone I should research in comments.

So some people wonder WHY DO I DO IT?  WHY DO I WORK SO HARD ON THIS BLOG?



LIKE YOU probably, like most people, I came to maturity thinking that love and marriage would come naturally to me, and that marriage was for a life time and I expected loyalty and faithfulness.  I was surrounded by people who came to marriage that same way, with that same expectation, as well as a sense of religious responsibility, and you could say, duty, to their spouses. It was rare for anyone I knew to get a divorce. One of my best high school friends never mentioned that her parents were going through a rather brutal divorce because they continued to live in the same house and share child care. Divorce was a shameful thing.  I heard the details years later.

Then some of my friends naturally progressed into marriage and I did not. I got my heart broken, though some of them had experienced that too, and then found someone they wanted to marry. I got over my broken heart and wanted independence. My women friends were from intact families, had parents who stayed married, and seemed to go into their marriages with all the right reasons.  I'll never forget one of my best women friends telling me, "I like him, I love him, and I'm in love with him," so I'm marrying him. Wow!

But within a couple years she was having a hot affair with the new Mr. Right, a man in her workplace. I thought she was asking to be caught and loose her career.  It ended and she stayed with Mr. Wrong.

My women friends married, divorced, remarried, divorced, had affairs - some of which they hoped would lead to another marriage.  Then, I learned that some of them were being Kept - at least for a little while.  That isn't how they put it.  More it would be about how they had seen so and so and he had given them a little money to help them out or that he bought a car - or a house. What was happening that so many smart, pretty - even beautiful, women, educated, nice personalities, in my opinion desirable women, were having such a rough time of romance?  Were they settling in being Kept rather than settle into a bad marriage?

To face reality, I had to face the fact that while affairs are rather common; some of them break marriages and some do not.  Some people stay married and have long term extramarital relationships.  Some people are married and divorced several times in this life - serial monogamists.  Some people, especially women, despite their educations, do not earn a good income, and really do need the financial help of someone who is doing better than they are and that someone is usually a man. Some people love more than one person at a time. I could go on, but the point is Mistresses exist, have existed historically for centuries, and they are fascinating people.

I learned that the books that sell the best are romance novels - bodice rippers - and women who read them are often fantasizing about a romance outside their relationship.  They are trying on being seduced or becoming a Mistress.  What are the stereotypes?  And so, I decided to look into it and try to come up with more answers than questions.

Within MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT you will find many people - mostly women who were famous enough that books were written about them or by them - to learn about.  You may come to some understanding.  You may find you're just like one or another.  You may make a decision about what's happening in your own life.  You may find compassion for someone you don't think you're anything like.  You may discover you want to be married.  Or never marry.  Or that you do or don't want to stay in a relationship as is. Or have more than one partner at a time. That you are not as conventional and rule bound as you thought.

I look forward to another year of Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot and hope you'll continue to read!

Best Wishes for the New Year!

Missy

SNOWFLAKEY

PLAYING SECRET BENEFACTOR IS JUST THE THING TO DO WITH YOUR EXTRA MONEY

There are so many places seeking unpaid workers (volunteers) and there are so many worthy non-profits to send (potentially tax-deductible) monetary donations to. 

Sometimes I think the best way to give is when you get no credit or recognition other than perhaps a personal sense of satisfaction that you helped someone. Since we still have cash, may I suggest that you play secret benefactor to a friend or relative or stranger with it?

The first time I did this I was visiting a distant relative. She had just enough to pay her bills but I knew things were a bit tight for her during the holidays when she could not afford to give her grandchildren more than token gifts. The family wasn't materialistic. They were devout Christians who felt there was no reason for Christmas without a belief in Christ. Still, children are children and love getting something unexpected. So I went to visit during a small get together, used the bathroom, and tucked cash money behind some items in her medicine cabinet. She mentioned the discovery of this money to me a few months later on the phone. I didn't confess.

A friend sent fifty cash dollars in an envelope to her friend who was going through a divorce in a Christmas card.  Her friend said "someone" had done this and "forgotten" to sign the card.

Another friend owed $250 to a man who had been a platonic friend when he went and paid her storage unit at a time when she was ill.  It took her a while to earn the money she owed him and during that time he had met and moved in with a woman and their platonic friendship had ended due to his interest in this new love.  After some time she learned where he lived.  So she hired a delivery man to go there and ask for him.  When this man who had been generous and helpful came to the door.  The delivery man handed over a small Christmas box with $500 in cash in it to him. 

You don't have to be rich to play Secret Benefactor. If you have many young nephews and nieces, sending them a handmade Christmas card with even a dollar or two, can be a big deal for them, some money of their own to spend as they please or save - in that gumball machine.

I had an elderly friend some years ago who himself had not a lot of money. His daughter would give him $20 once in a while, expecting he would go to a coffee house and sit a while, using the money for coffee. He never failed to buy a coffee for someone else - usually someone he saw hanging out without spending. He remembered being a "country bumpkin" who had gotten stranded in a big city overnight in his youth and having to ask strangers for money so that he could have something to eat while he waited for his dad to come get him. I'm sure he has been blessed for his kindness to others.

Playing it Forward can also be rewarding. I volunteered recently at a bake sale where there were lots of goodies for children.  A man came in and handed me $10 and said to give the next ten children a free goodie on him.

I know you won't have to think too hard about being a Secret Benefactor... it's FUN!

Missy

(Try to research organizations that ask for contributions so that you know a bit more what you are supporting with your money.  A Non Profit porthole type site for your state may be on the Internet.)

Missy

CHRISTMAS KALIDOSCOPE

 

CROSSING DELANCEY : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

The Pickle Man!  Once upon a time just about every woman who watched this film in 1988 came out of the theater wanting a husband like The Pickle Man, even if they were not Jewish, living in New York, or working at a book store.  The man is played by actor Peter Riegert and beautiful actress Amy Irving is the young woman with a job and apartment who almost becomes the Mistress of a snobbish literary author who does readings at the independently owned bookstore that she works at. Oh the days pre Internet, pre cell-phone, pre on-line book stores!

A fictive film based on the cultural changes that independent Jewish-American women experienced years ago, such as marrying men who were not Jewish, attempting to be single mothers without financial support from men, and rejecting the good intentions of their grandma's. And oh the matchmaker in this film is something else. I'd be afraid of her!

What changes Isabelle's mind about Sam, isn't her girlfriend who wants him, but that he hadn't actually hired a matchmaker after all.

Enjoy this one!

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MAKE ME A MATCH : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

Like the film Arranged, which is fictive but focuses on American a  Jewish woman, this film is set in Israel. And the matchmaker in this film says all the matches actually come from God, so long as the parties are open and not standing in His (or her) way.  One woman who is divorced and with children says she is considered too picky and uncompromising.  (This accusation is usually targeted at the women in both films.  We are expected to modify our lives to suit others.)

I was interested in these people who are modern and living in Israel. 

And in this case an American (apparently there is a whole expat community of American Jews in Israel who live there without their families) man is also profiled.  He mentions that no physical contact with women is aloud, and well, the question is, what of celibacy? This man has the misfortune in that he owns a comedy club and that's his living so what woman wants that?

Would you PRAY for a husband or wife?

What does this pretty divorced woman want out of a man anyway.

There's pressure to have Jewish children, especially because of the Holocaust. And so a Jewish man needs a Jewish wife.

It was cringeworthy to hear her advised that a woman like her, older, divorced, needs to GRAB A MAN WHEN HIS WIFE DIES.  The matchmaker mentions various women who married such a man before a year after the wife's death was up.  (Was I mistaken in thinking that a year of mourning was important in the Jewish faith?)

This is not in the film but it is an opinion of mine.  Mistresses who are Not Jewish be aware that sometimes a Jewish man will only marry a Jewish woman.  If you're involved with a Jewish man, even in the United States, and want to be married, find out what his true intention is.

Missy

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ARRANGED : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

 This is a fictive film, but it was realistic, and is about an unlikely friendship between two young teachers, one an Orthodox Jewish woman and the other from a Muslim family.  Both women insisted on education and a job before an arranged marriage.  The principal of their school is a modern woman who wants them to choose to be modern too and it's especially difficult because the multi-ethnic and racial students are being encouraged to be open and accepting of each other's differences.  The Muslim woman's family seems far more modern and are personally arranging for her to meet men.  She also manages to help her Orthodox Jewish friend's matchmaker find the perfect match for her friend.

The pressure upon the Jewish Orthodox woman to marry just about anyone by her parents and the Matchmaker are cringeworthy.  Anyone who has ever gone on an arranged blind date with Mr. or Ms. Wrong can relate.

It occurs to me as I watch this film and the other's I'm review this month that today's women are right to want their independence and choose who they wish to marry or not marry.  However, it seems to me that some parents have offered no guidance at all and that women sometimes are ignorant of what's important to them personally.

As well, royalty and aristocracy has continued to arrange marriage, or at least make it clear what expectations are and see to it that their children only meet others of their set, class, or caste, so that they will "fall in love" with someone likely to be approved of.  Today Western women often have affairs or relationships before marriage and, as we know, some continue to do so, as do their husbands, after marriage.

 Perhaps in the case of the Orthodox Jewish woman or a Muslim woman, it's assumed that the companionable couple will find love or learn to love their husband, especially because they will have children together. Are these marriages Mistress-Proof, unlike the unhappy arranged couplings of royals and aristocrats?  I have no way of knowing.

But I think their lives are so controlled that they probably don't dare because their families as well as their communities are involved.

C 2020 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

CANDY KALEIDOSCOPE

A SUITABLE GIRL : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

Far from the television series in which a Matchmaker with International Clients including Indian-Americans, meets up with mostly educated, mostly well to do clients, though I believe one of the situations explored in this film is the daughter of that very same  series Matchmaker, this documentary includes women in India who want to get married but are of modest means.  It's tradition that the daughters leave home and go to the home of their new husband and usually her mother and father in law, where she is to please them. Though this is the tradition of the culture, and everyone knows how that goes, there is still great sadness when a loved daughter leaves home.

It's considered NOT NORMAL to be NOT MARRIED.  And sadly, even intelligent, well educated women who have a career started are expected to give it all up.  Education and independence make them undesirable.  In one situation explored in this film the bride believes that she will perhaps have to give up her work and move to another city for her marriage but that she will be able to join her father-in-law and husband's company.  Instead she has to give up modern clothing, wear saris every day, cover up in public, and do the family's political interests proud.

Perhaps the most horrifying to me was the Bombay Rotary Club meeting in which three potential brides got to meet a roomful of men, and the overweight woman was not selected by any of them.

Perhaps on the positive side, horoscopes are generally checked to see if the potential couple are a good match.

Of most interest to me was the woman who was a teacher of children, perhaps an only child in a modest family,  In other words from a poorer family, a humble one.  Yet years have gone by and at thirty she has not been married.  She attempts to find her own mate using a dating site and the first man and his family come to meet her family.  Though the two seemed to have interest in each other, it turns out they are all rejected because they are too poor for the other family, which causes the parents great distress and the woman a profound depression.  She is a round woman but also pretty and seems to have a good personality.  Finally she begins communication with another man from a dating site and this time she is successful. He is handsome, has a warm and wonderful personality, and seems to feel he is the luckiest man in the world.  And so a happy ending... I loved when her dad burst out in tears because she was leaving home.

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All Rights Reserved.

LOVE and SEX IN INDIA : DOCUMENTARY FILM: MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

India is primarily Hindu, secondarily Muslim, and both religions arrange marriages.  This film is about just how rigid that system is.  It is illegal to send a private investigator out to ask questions, illegal to have abortions, and both dowries and the caste system is illegal.  However, investigators routinely go out to get dirt on a potential bride or groom, women have abortions - especially to be rid of female fetuses (femalicide) and so the proportion of women available for men to marry is shrinking. People who run away to marry someone they fell in love with that their parents do not approve because they are of a different caste, and severe physical punishments if they are caught happen.  It's inexpensive to buy acid to throw in a woman's face for refusing a groom and men can be beaten to death as well.  These "Honor Crimes" have their defenders and lawyers who will go to court to defend them. As a result there is, profiled in this documentary, a shelter where couples go and hide and a tiny room of a temple where they can be married.  That they eloped and it's a done deal does not mean either of them will ever see their family again.

So, if you, like me, have studied yoga, and are of the opinion that India is a very spiritual country, well, it's also a difficult one to live in if you are a modern woman, one that doesn't believe in love as a reason for marriage.  Despite the Kuma Sutra sex position manuals and romantic Bollywood movies, sex - even kissing - is not allowed before marriage.  A woman without a husband has no status. 

And perhaps the biggest taboo of all is homosexuality, although transgender people - considered the 3rd sex and mystical - are accepted. 

All very sad, very distressing.

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MEET THE PATELS : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

What do you do when your mother considers herself to be a successful matchmaker herself, but you can't seem to find the "right one" to marry and you really want mom off your back?

MEET THE PATELS is a documentary film that focuses on Patels, apparently one of the most common East Indian surnames in the United States and a name which also implies a certain caste. Handsome East Indian-American men experience a clash of cultures, the tradition of arranged marriage or finding their own partner in life, called a "love marriage." The idea is that if two people are matched well they will come to love each other, or learn to love each other, or discover what love is together. Generally, arranged marriages is how their parent's met. Aren't they happy? Doesn't a person's attitude has much to do with their parent's marriage, the marriage they have judged to be good or bad?

One thing that impresses me about East Indian Matchmaking in the United States is that the potential mates are often willing to move their lives to another city and state to make the match.  Sometimes the bride or groom, mostly the bride, comes from India to a new marriage and a new country.  What an adjustment that must be!  This means that family will either be distanced or follow.

I enjoyed this one.  It does have a happy ending. 

AROUND WE GO

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MATCHMADE? HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED MATCHMAKER? MISSY ASKS YOU!

Have you ever been match-made? 
By whom? 
Did it work? 
Have you ever played matchmaker to another couple?
Tell ALL!

Your comments are reviewed before posting.

LOVE ME : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW : UKRAINIAN WOMEN AS IMPORTED BRIDES

I watched this documentary film with fascination because I wanted to know more about the men who are featured.  These are white American men trying to find a Ukrainian woman to import to the United States for the purpose of marriage.  All of them seemed to be decent enough men, not the type who would bring a woman to our country under false pretenses and turn her life into a nightmare.  I wanted to know if all or any of them would be successful.

This film focuses on a particular company that provides a web site, translation services, and trips to that country for meet ups, which are usually parties where women come to meet men, dance, talk, and perhaps further their relationships.
Some of the men have spent thousands on this process and have been to the country before. It's not an advertisement for this particular company and I wondered just how many companies are in the business of brides.

I can't help myself.  All the while I'm wondering why these men want a woman from afar, because I think there are plenty of women right here in the United States of America who would be willing to marry them.  Most of these men have income, houses, and can provide and evidence of that is also that some of them are spending thousands of dollars in pursuit of Ukrainian women.


C 2020 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

CHRISTMAS KALEIDOSCOPE

MAIL ORDER BRIDES - INTERNATIONAL MEET UPS - MATCHMAKERS - THE BUSINESS OF MARRIAGE : SPECIAL TOPIC

Over the last several years, rather than keep to the usual Mistress (or Mantress) of the Month format, I've been covering special topics that I think will be of interest to my steady readers in December - the Holidays.

I know that the holidays are busy.  I know that some of my readers, who are involved with others who are married and elsewhere, may feel especially bored and lonely.  The Coronavirus-19 Pandemic has put extra stress on everyone, particularly those who have had to sequester themselves without visits from the one they love and lust after. Too many Zoom meetings already.  I wonders if we will ever safely date.  Can we even kiss someone we just met?

This might be a good time to read this blog from start to finish if you have never and think about what life as a Mistress (or Mantress) has been for some of those who couldn't keep their lives a secret because they were just too famous or they themselves wrote a book about that experience. Maybe this will help you assess your own relationships, your needs and desires.  Maybe you're one of those people who think being Kept is something you would never do. Or maybe you're trying to decide if you stay or go in an extramarital relationship. Remember that for every one person who is known, there are likely hundreds who have arrangements, and many thousands who've had an affair.

You may be NMNK and happy or you may long for a partner in life.  There's a question you must ask yourself...

Do you want to be married?

If you're someone who wants to be married but you just can't seem to get a relationship going in that direction, you may have considered what's out there - Internet based dating clubs which have their basis in what used to be called Lonely Hearts Clubs! There are many opportunities to meet someone long distance, such as someone from another country who is actually still living there.  These long distance connections are aided by companies, hundreds of them from what hear, that charge mostly  Westernized men to meet mostly "foreign" women.

One of the stereotypes we deal with as a society is that men are marriage adverse and women want to be married and have to be patient, or be tricky, or extra sexy, or something in order to snare a resistant man. Is a man who is in love resistant just because he's male?

In truth, there are many  good men who want to be married because they see the value in it. Some men flourish in a good marriage. Others just seem to have no luck. Are they just "too picky"? Is their wish list just too difficult to fulfill? Maybe having no luck works in their favor - for a while.  A man who has had a hard time meeting Ms. Right might just appreciate a good woman more than a man who is spoiled by women.  Any woman who has been baited, hooked, and then thrown back into the sea by a man whose just no good, who has issues with commitment or does this to flatter his ego or impress his lousy friends, wants one of those good men - a keeper!  Some women are willing to share a good man too.

So this month I want to look at the men who desire marriage so much they have given up on it all happening organically and naturally and have decided to try to import a partner for life.  They seek a woman who will be the ultimate gift to themselves!  And I want to look at the whole arranged marriage deal in this, the 21st century!

Missy

WHEN YOU'RE SMILING - HAPPY JAZZ

THANK YOU!

DECLARATIONS FOR MISTRESSES - IN THE ARCHIVES

For a few years I would post DECLARATIONS FOR MISTRESSES.  This was tied into the title of this blog, MISTRESS MANIFESTO. See that tag below that says Manifesto - Declaration?  If you click on that, it should bring them all up.

PIECES

APRIL KIRKWOOD IS NOT SHY ABOUT PUBLICITY

APRIL KIRKWOOD OFFICIAL SITE

See what's new with  April at her official site.
She is now the author of three books including this one:

IS THREE A CROWD?

APRIL KIRKWOOD SAYS "I WAS HIS OFFICIAL EYE CANDY FOR SURE"

CLASSIC BANDS : APRIL KIRKWOOD INTERVIEW WITH GARY JAMES

This is an extensive interview and article in which April handles some tough questions such as if she was a groupie.

EXCERPTS: 

Q - Your romance with Frankie Vallie began when you were 16?

A- This would be the only flaw in Mr. Valli's character.  He knew me since I was six or seven.  I loved him.  He would pick me up and carry me.  My parents made velvet jackets with banners and hats...   16 ... By then I had my driver's license.  I did not have any sexual feelings for him at all. I go in the back room and of course he lets me in and the hat is there and he walks up to me and he says nothing.  He untangles my necklaces...

Q: He could've been in a lot of trouble.  Did you tell your mother?

A : No. I didn't tell.

***

Q- Who was paying your way on the road?

A - He did.

Q- Did you have an official function with him, say secretary?

A - No.  I was just his official eye candy I'm sure.  You have to remember, I was raised on an actual little chicken farm.  My parents were divorced.  I don't have this Italian daddy.  I get in this world and I;m traveling in this bus.  People, when  you get out, they ask you for your autograph because you're with them.  It was very hard for me to go back and be a normal teenager.

(April went on a summer tour with Frankie Valli but didn't quit high school.)

A LITTLE BIT ME - A LITTLE BIT YOU

APRIL KIRKWOOD ON THE WORST EVENTS THAT SHAKE US UP AND WAKE US UP

SAND AND SNOW : BIG GIRLS DO CRY - FRANKIE VALLI's FORMER FLAME by Karen Locke

EXCERPT : Kirkwood said, "I still love Frankie ...  It's often the worst events that shake us up and wake us up to healing and truth.  I realized I had drunk the Kool-aide of my childhood imprint and I never really knew what love was.  Worst than that, I had created an image I thought men like Frankie desired...

JERSEY BOYS : A THEATRICAL MUSICAL and A FILM

I first saw the film Jersey Boys when it came out and enjoyed it. Rewatching it more recently, I realized it was excellent, surpassing many other biopics of singers and bands.  I haven't seen the theatrical production, but hear it's great entertainment.

The film is about Frankie Vallie and his mates coming of age as Italian-Americans, coming from families who did not have much materially, turning to music instead of crime.  Was being in a band just for fun or a way out of a predictable life? For the band that finds success and fame, it's rarely overnight success.  Hard work and Hope is the key.

Seeing the play on Broadway lead to April Kirkwood writing Big Girls Do Cry.

APPLES TO APPLES

APRIL KIRKWOOD: THREE DECADES AS MISTRESS OF SINGER FRANKIE VALLI of THE FOUR SEASONS

The intimate story of April Kirkwood, a Mistress of the singer Frankie Valli, of the "Jersey Boys" group, The Four Seasons, who has loved him practically all her life -  30 YEARS - forever  - is one that challenges our definition of Mistress, confused it with Groupie, and confounds it with issues of legality.

In this era of Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein scandal, in which both were and are accused of sex trafficking and having sex with numerous women under 18 years old, which is the age of consent, we have to question "what is statutory rape?"  I'm not suggesting April was sex trafficked by anyone or that she was raped, but the question of consent is large. And also, I'm aware that historically and in some places on this earth, 14 year old girls get married.

We know that Groupies have had sex with Rock Stars when they were under 18.  We don't confuse them with women being pimped or sex trafficked to men they have not chosen, especially because groupies go after these sexy musicians and singers and they don't file complaints.  It seems they felt they had a choice. Let me say that I once knew a Groupie, who grew up and never seemed to regret her under-age liaisons, which included running away with a famous band. Her parents knew where she was and didn't stop her. She continued to be sexual with men in music almost exclusively until she married her very own music man and has been in a good and surprisingly conservative - faithful - marriage, ever since.

I wonder though. Did Frankie have April confused with a groupie?

Frankie Valli, a tenor lead singer of a group that had it's roots in the hard streets of New Jersey and the Doo Wop era of the 1950's, had a series of number one hits with The Four Seasons in the early 1960's.  Some of these songs are the most romantic ever.  I can imagine being in the audience and feeling the lead singer was just singing to me.

Frankie met April when she was a child. She says she first saw him on stage at age six or seven and first met him at age eight. Their affair began when she was sixteen,  her first affair, and yes, he was much older.  In interviews she says she had Daddy Syndrome.

Today she sees her family, her mother in particular, who she says had a personality disorder, as influential in presenting her as a child Four Seasons - Frankie Valli fan.  When the group came through the Youngstown, Ohio town area where they lived, She and her mom were sure to go to the concert.  April has a photo of herself as a child gaining the singer's attention in full fan regalia; obviously she did not create this outfit herself.  She was not a groupie, but she feels she was, in so many words, groomed by her mother in particular, to find this relationship with a famous man acceptable.

She says that after sex, Frankie would give her "fatherly" advice such as telling her not to have sex with other men, to not do drugs, and to keep up her looks. This affair went on for three decades, off and on, an emotional roller coaster ride.  She says she still loves him, though in a different way.

April Kirkwood went to see the Broadway show, Jersey Boys, and she realized she was part of the history. She decided to write her book and three years later it was published and she started doing interviews.  We'll look at some of those this month - her own words.  In one video I watched she made it clear that the headline "Frankie Valli Took Me at 16 and Used Me in Decades Long Affair", which appeared in 2015 in the New York Post, does not reflect what she herself said, and that is not her attitude. She does not feel used.

April Kirkwood is a professional therapist at this time in her life.  As a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) she has a master's degree and is trained to work with individuals, or families, or groups, to treat mental, behavioral, and emotional problems. She also has a Masters in Education, both degrees from Youngstown State University.

This former Miss Ohio is an accomplished woman and a mother. She has videos up that give women advice on YouTube and her own website to counsel women. However, unlike many therapists, there is a metaphysical aspect to her which includes the belief in twin flames, soul mates, reincarnation, and destiny. Though her mother is described as having a personality disorder and grooming her, she also says that her mother had emotional struggles of her own, that she could cry for hours, and that she herself also advised love and forgiveness.

Maybe her attitude of gratitude makes April a perfect November Mistress of the Month, since this is the month of Thanksgiving here in the United States.

Missy

C 2020 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

Research for this blogpost includes watching YouTube videos of April's promotionals as well as interviews and articles published on line, a couple of which I will link to and excerpt this month.

YOU'RE JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE : FRANKIE VALLI and the FOUR SEASONS

DO MORE DEMOCRATS OR REPUBLICANS KEEP MISTRESSES?

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Hi Missy, with the election coming, I was just wondering if more Democrats or more Republicans keep mistresses?

Rod

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Republicans.

A number of POLITICAL MISTRESSES - Mistresses of Politicians - profiled here were women who worked for the men they were Mistress to.

CHECK THESE OUT IN MY ARCHIVE!

Rielle Hunter - and John Edwards  June 2012

Carrie Phillips - and Warren Harding  November 2012

Elizabeth Ray - and Wayne L. Hays  November 2016

Sally Hemmings - and Thomas Jefferson  July 2018

Missy Lehand - and Franklin D. Roosevelt October 2019

REPUBLICANS HAVE MORE MONEY.  They may simply be sneakier, have more cooperative wives, or pay off their mistresses when they are done with the relationship... and my guess is since they have more money, their Mistresses get more spoiling!

Speculation!

Missy

HER HUSBAND WANTS TO BE HONEST, LIVE SEPARATELY, and HAVE SEX WITH OTHER WOMEN

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Dear Missy,

I'm going to admit this is not my problem, but there's been a lot of talk about this husband in England whose wife just gave birth, and who wants to be half out the marriage. He wants her to approve his getting his own apartment and living there during the week where he can have sex with other women. He says he will not get emotionally involved with them. This woman will be stuck raising two children on her own and expect him only to be part of the family on weekends. Also he says that she is allowed to date but not have sex with other men.  You may have seen this in the news?

I think it sucks.  What do you think?

Marilyn

New York


ANSWER FROM MISSY


Hi Marilyn

I think this man has been one foot out of the marriage for some time and waited out the pregnancy.  The timing sure is bad. However, people who want out of relationships, men and women, often wait out pregnancies and other life events and crisis, such as the serious illness of a partner, waiting until the youngest child is out of college,  or - until their lawyer says it's a good time.  I so wish our youthful ideas of what relationships are all about were not so idealistic.

It's not unusual for a person to have an affair or affairs looking for another partner before they feel ready to divorce.  That may be rather cowardly but it's not unusual.

We really don't know if this relationship was ever any good.  We don't know how this wife treats her husband. Sure pregnancy, birth, and motherhood can be difficult, but maybe she's abusive. Maybe he can't meet her demands and expectations. We don't know if the children were planned.  Many of us were not.  It can still be good.  But unplanned children are sometimes not affordable children.

Maybe he thinks being separated like this will actually preserve this marriage.

Maybe he thinks he's doing her a favor slowly going away.

And yes, I think it would be better to have a Mistress he cares about than a lot of meaningless sex only encounters, especially because of all the VD and STDs.

It sounds like he's too controlling.

I doubt anyone can guarantee another person that they will not get emotionally involved with anyone else, sex or not.  I wonder what he might reveal to the various women he expects to get into his bed at the apartment; will he tell them upfront that they are only their for sex and not to get emotionally involved with him because he won't with them?

Certainly she should not agree to a relationship that is only Open for her husband.  To me, she should be able to also have sex with anyone she wants.  But I bet she won't.  I'll bet he knows that.

I also suspect that this is a plan of his to gradually divorce.

At best he is confused.

So he should see a therapist and she should see a lawyer.

Missy

BULIMIA : YOU'RE NOT WELL WHEN YOU MAKE YOURSELF THROW UP

BULIMIA COM - an AUTHORITATIVE SITE

Not too long ago a friend from highschool and I were talking.  She said she had been looking at some old photos and I was so thin.  I was.  I had a high metabolism and I also had a busy life.  I was naturally thin.  And to this day dieting will not work for me.  Calorie counting will not work. I absolutely have to keep moving to stay thin-ish.

Long ago I gave up on being my high school weight.  I'd look ridiculous.

I know what my old friend was trying to get at.  She wondered if I'd been thin due to bulimia or anorexia and I had not been.  She however, had a mom who was regulating her diet.  I recall she fainted a couple times.  Her sister, whose diet was also regulated by their mother, actually passed out in a snowbank and had to be rushed to the hospital.

Learning that our Mistress of the Month, Susan Mary "Shoe" Taylor, was bulimic by the time she met the man she would become a long term mistress to in 1978, Jonathan Guinness, an aristocrat and beer brewing heir, I wondered if all her adventures and misadventures had been too hard on her, destroying her mental health.

Why did she need to be too thin? Was she basically a trend follower?  A fashionista?  The reason I wonder is that bulimia is often associated with women who want to be "fashionably thin" which is "model thin" which is "hanger thin" - I mean way too thin.  After a while a woman looses her ability to see herself in the mirror as she really looks.

As women age especially they need some weight on, some fat.  I believe this strongly.  As your estrogen wanes it's your fat that holds it.  You need that to protect your bones. That's my belief.

Bulimia can wreck your physical health beginning with your teeth which rot away from all that vomit.  So save your bright and beautiful smile and say OK to looking womanly. Check out the link!  There's lots of authoritative information including a Bulimia hotline!

Missy

PEACE DOVE

SUSAN MARY "SHOE" TAYLOR's OBIT TELLS THE STORY OF A ROLLER COASTER RIDE LIFE

TELEGRAPH UK - OBITS - SUSAN MARY TAYLOR  She died in 2003 at the age of 58.  She was known as the long time mistress of Jonathan Guinness, who had become Lord Moyne.  She had three children with him.

EXCERPT :

Susan Mary Taylor (known as "Shoe") was born over her father's butcher's shop at Oldam, Lancashire, on July 26, 1944.  As a child, she helped out in the slaughterhouse: "The slaughterer slit the carcass down the middle, and pushed the steaming insides, or rops, towards me.  My Job was to pick the rops, pull each part away from the slime which holds it together, and put it in the rips bucket, separating the large intestines from the small, the stomach from the throttle." Meanwhile, her father told her "Don't forget the maggots"

OK, we're all going to become vegans...  Missy