END OF MORALITY LAWS ? JONATHAN TURLEY, LEAD COUNCEL IN THE SISTER WIVES LAWSUIT SPEAKS

WASHINGTON POST : SISTER WIVES LAWSUIT AND END OF MORALITY LAWS

By Jonathan Turley, Published: December 20, 2013

Jonathan Turley is the Shapiro professor of public interest law at George Washington University and lead counsel in the “Sister Wives” polygamy case.
 

EXCERPT: "The decision this month by a federal court striking down the criminalization of polygamy in Utah was met with a mix of rejoicing and rage. What was an emancipating decision for thousands of plural families was denounced as the final descent into a moral abyss by others... The case was never about the recognition of multiple marriages or the acceptance of the religious values underlying this plural family. It was about the right of consenting adults to make decisions for themselves and their families..."

WE DO WHAT?

JANNEL BROWN ON THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN POLYGAMOUS FAMILY AND A MAN HAVING A HAREM

"When people hear the word polygamy, their minds often jump to salacious conclusions.  For some reason, many intelligent Americans cannot differentiate between a healthy polygamous family and a man cheating on his wife - or even a harem!" 

(In the book the reader learns that wives do not discuss their sacred sex life with their common husband.  So they do not answer questions about sexuality with interviewers either.  The book focuses on the family, the children. - Missy)

Janelle Brown on page 228 of SISTER WIVES

JOE DARGER ON THE TABOO OF TALKING ABOUT SEX WITH ANOTHER OF HIS WIVES

"I consider my intimate relationships sacred and don't talk about them with anyone, which has left me feeling quite alone at times.  When a problem surfaces, it's not as though I can go talk to another wife about it.  That's really taboo for us.  Besides making sure each intimate relationship is 100 percent private between the two of us, I have learned not to make my time with each wife all about the sexual experience.  Otherwise, they assume that's my focus when I'm with the other wives, which only causes jealousy and competitiveness.  If my wives thought my interest in them was only sexual, it would be difficult for them to trust each other and respect me.  Having multiple relationships has reinforced for me that the intimacy a woman really craves involves being cherished and cared for, understood and valued."

Joe Darger pages 187-188

"Love Three Times" by Joe, Alina, Vicki, and Valerie Darger with Brook Adams which is copyright 2011 and published by HarperOne. 

HE'S ONE LUCKY BEE

CHRISTINE BROWN ON THE POSITIVES OF BEING A THIRD WIFE

"It's a common misconception - at least in my worldview - that it's best to enter a family as a first wife.  People often think, incorrectly that the first wife has the highest status and the most security. I never saw it this way.  In fact, in my opinion, being the first wife takes too much work and involves too much self sacrifice. You have to give up your life entirely and be joined at the hip to your husband.  It's just you and your husband until the day he married a second wife.  This kind of single-minded devotion never appealed to me - I'm independent and I like my freedom.

Being the second wife didn't seem like a better option either. In fact, I think that would have been worse than being the first wife. The second wife has the hardest job and is put in the most uncomfortable position, because she's the one who comes along and disrupts the marriage of the first wife and her husband. You can't blame her - it's not the second wife's fault.  It's just the nature of her role. She's the wedge that comes between the couple. And I was never going to put myself in that position...

But the third wife - she's the lucky one!  She's the one who comes along and makes peace between the first two wives.  The third wife is in a blessed position.  She doesn't have to face marriage on her own without the help from sister wives or bear the burden of breaking up a previously monogamous couple...

Christine Brown (Third wife of Kody Brown) speaking  on page 48 of SISTER WIVES

TIME TO GO THROUGH YOUR CLOSETS AND PRUNE YOUR WARDROBE! ADVICE FROM MISSY ON HOW TO! HAVE A CLOTHES TRADING PARTY!

The seasons are changing... and while it may be too soon to pitch the coat and scarf during this year's raging winter, it is time to reassess your spring and summer wardrobe.

----

First - Has it been in your closet for more than two years without being worn?  Unless it's a winter coat you need to keep in case you have to travel from San Diego to Chicago in the winter,  a black dress you keep for funerals, or a sentimental piece like a fur coat or wedding dress, it probably has to go!

Second - Does it have resell value?  Some women are reselling their gently worn designer fashions at resell shops to get some cash out of the clothes.  What will these shops usually take?  Very new or vintage, lots of classics - they count on people loosing receipts, gaining weight, or being bored with their clothes or very rich.

Third - Will you donate for the hell of it or for a tax deduction?  Frankly, I think giving away without expectations of a tax deduction is the way to go but if you want the deduction, you may think of filling bags or including a fur coat as a way of pumping up the value.

Fourth - Is it classic or clearly out of style? Even your own personal style?  Is it part of a phase you went through?

Fifth - Has anyone ever given you a compliment when you wore it?  Who was that?
Your mom or best friend probably don't count, but what if HE really loves you in that dress, even though it's getting old, then it's a keeper!

Sixth - Will a change in hem, buttons, or some reworking by a tailor keep a treasured item up to date and give you another year in it, or is that all too much expense and bother?  If that skirt is made of a fabric pattern you love, keep it and re-purpose the fabric!

Seventh -  Has anyone said, "If you ever give that away, think of me?"  Maybe it's time to give that dress away to your best friend who loves it, even if it won't fit her? 

Eighth - Is it a uniform you wore?  Is it a bridesmaids dress that never did get turned into something wearable again?  Generations of bridesmaids have been promising themselves they'd turn theirs into a shorter dress but never do.

Ninth -  Is the reason I haven't worn it because I've gained or lost weight?  Honestly you can keep it another year, which is about how long it will take you to gain or loose that weight.

Tenth - Is it repairable? Inspect purses and shoes for wear and tear.  These two items should be kept pristine or pitched.  So resole or have the handles repaired, but if the lining is messy, out it goes - to the trash!

ASK YOUR FRIENDS OVER FOR A TRADING PARTY.  Everyone goes through their closet and brings what they want to give away.  Take turns choosing one item at a time!

C 2014 Missy Rapport/ Mistress Manifesto  All Rights Reserved.  Intellectual Property notice.

BECOMING SISTER WIVES and LOVE THREE TIMES : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

Before you pack up and move to UTAH, consider these things which I've learned from the two books.

To be in an Independent Fundamentalist Mormon Polygamous Marriage:

1) You must be a woman who wants to have as many children as God allows, meaning you probably won't be using contraception and you could mother more than ten children and will be sharing those children with your SISTER WIVES.  You may have those children at home with a midwife.  If you have two sister-wives you will probably sleep with your husband every three days.  If you have six sister-wives, you will probably sleep with him once a week.  These men seem up to it.  Having sister-wives is not keeping the population down.  The men are spreading their gene pool.

2) So you really must want and enjoy and be able to cope with lots and lots of children.  You must be a natural nurturer and a teacher, maybe even home schooling.  You must have or develop a lot of patience and understanding. 

3) You don't get your way much.  Expect a life of self sacrifice.  You'll be compromising a lot.  You'll be working on your jealousy and love for you wife-sisters, but there won't be any sex with anyone but your shared husband, and one at a time. You'll be subject not only to your shared husband but you sister-wives.  Some decisions will be made for you or are subject to not only family group decisions but reviews and permissions by committees, including the committees of church authorities.

4) Men such as husbands and fathers, as well as men church authorities, will decide if you are allowed to marry or allowed to leave (divorce) a husband.  You will be judged by their values.  There is no feminist movement here.

5) Financially, you may still have to work outside the home for pay to help support the family, but you may not be able to build a career which depends on staying put or transferring around the country.  If you husband moves the family, you go with.  You will probably have a work history/resume that is choppy.

6) Although you will have the support of your sister-wives when it comes to child care and finances, you will have near no societal support for your alternative arrangements and neither will your children outside  your own church/community.  Even some Latter Day Saint children will tease and discriminate in their friendships with your children.  You may have to live a secret or double life, live in rural areas far from main stream culture, or be subject to investigation by governmental authorities.

7) You must be religious in a Fundamentalist Mormon (not Latter Day Saints) way.  Without practicing the religion there is no point and it's only religion that makes this lifestyle respectable to a small percentage of the Western World.

The books are BECOMING SISTER WIVES The Story of an Unconventional Marriage by Kody, Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn Brown  C 2012  Kody Brown Entertainment LLC, published by Gallery Books and LOVE THREE TIMES  Our Story of a Polygamous Marriage by Joe, Alina, Vicki, and Valerie Darger with Brooke Adams and is C 2011 by all those authors. The publisher is HarperOne.

KODY BROWN ON A WOMEN APPROACHING THE FAMILY SHE WANTS TO BE POLYGAMOUS WITH

"Quite often in our faith, it's the woman who approaches the family she is interest in.  I think people are surprised by how often the woman makes the opening move.  If a woman finds a family to which she feels spiritually connected, typically she builds a relationship with the first wife or wives, then she will tell her father, who then speaks to the father of the husband in the family..."    Kody Brown - The husband in a Polygamous marriage.

Page 42 of the book SISTER WIVES

HERB ALPERT : THIS GUY'S IN LOVE WITH YOU

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Self Improvement

"I ask myself today, in what way can I improve myself?"

JANNEL BROWN ON THE PITFALL OF COMPARING RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER WIVES

"One of the things I had to work on once I moved into the big house with my sister wives was not falling into the pitfall of comparing my relationship with Kody to theirs.  Comparison is the death of plural marriage.   It leads to debilitating unhappiness."  - Jannel Brown

Page 30 of  BECOMING SISTER WIVES The Story of an Unconventional Marriage by Kody, Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn Brown  C 2012  Kody Brown Entertainment LLC

DANCING BEES

BECOMING SISTER WIVES - TV SHOW - FALLOUT - CANCELLED or ANOTHER SEASON ?

June 2021  Missy here!

The original video from 2014 went poof so I took down this post, hoping for a replacement.  There are so many! The TV show was considered to be a shocker when it came out in 2010. Various decisions have been made - to stay or go - since it aired. An April 2021 was supposed to be the end - the 15th season.

I posted about a form of polyamory that is unusual because of the great number of women man sharing just one man but within a form of commitment, not in ancient China or present day Africa, but here in the United States. Today the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints goes against polygamy though it was very much part of the foundation of their church, which was referred to as Mormonism. However Fundamentalists with a huge number of wives, usually the first one being the only one legally married to the man, and a huge number of children, exist in Utah and some other enclaves. 

A reality TV show that went for 15 seasons of changes, each person has their fans.  This article from The Sun does a good job of explaining who is who and what's happened.

SUN - SISTER WIVES CAST

i.e. Meri Brown, the first wife, who has one child with him, was married to him from 1990-2014 when they divorced so he could marry Robyn and he adopted her three children....

With Janelle he has six children and two grand-children.

With Christine he has six children.

With Robyn he has two children plus three from a previous marriage.

THOSE POLYGAMOUS HUSBAND-SHARING "SISTER WIVES" : SUBJECT OF THE MONTH

You may have watched Reality TV and seen Kody, Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn Brown, or you may have heard media reports on the  Independent Fundamentalist Mormons who live in compounds in Utah.  (They're the sect that does not marry underage girls off to old Patriarchs.) 

Why talk about this at all at  MISTRESS MANIFESTO? 

Well, I wonder, do you like me see the similarities and differences between these women and mistresses of a more traditional type? 

Mistresses aren't always involved with legally married men. Sometimes they are kept by not legally married men or men who prefer to live unmarried. (And at this blog we also acknowledge that the relationships may not be heterosexual.) 

Who is or isn't a mistress these days is not so clear.

More than one wife has found out she was sharing her husband with a mistress or two, unless he asked her about bringing another woman into their lives in advance of doing so, and she maybe helped pick out the mistress, like Yoko Ono  may have when she suggested May Pang to John Lennon.  (May Pang was Mistress of the Month here at Mistress Manifesto two years ago in April 2012!)

The majority of us in the Western or First World are raised to believe that there is only one kind of marriage and that is the marriage of one man with one woman.  Any variation on that theme is considered to be wrong - bad - sinful.  Yet, divorced parents integrate their children into new families, and children take on having two fathers and two mothers.  While gay activists fight for the right to marry a member of the same sex, there are those who would like to see Polygamous marriages legal as well.  I think it will happen.

In Polygamous marriages of the Independent Fundamentalist Mormon (not to be confused with the Latter Day Saints), the first wife is the legal wife.  The other wives are married in their Church quite seriously and spiritually, but not legally, but with the full knowledge of the first and other wives. 

I do wonder how these extensive families can afford to have this lifestyle financially.  It seems that the men tend to own businesses or ranches or land and sometimes the women are also out working, supporting the family in a communal way.  There has been some controversy about how the state and federal governments determine benefits for a family of say five wives and 35 children, but there are those who say Polygamy could not be afforded without those state and federal government benefits, help with medical care, food, and other costs, because in most of these Plural Marriages there are very many children.

There are a couple books you might want to read about the subject and you can sort of try out the lifestyle vicariously and decide if maybe you should be moving to Utah and converting to the Fundamentalist Mormon Faith!

One of them is called "Becoming Sister Wives" by Kody, Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn Brown.  (It's copyright 2012 and published by Gallery Books.)  Another is called "Love Three Times" by Joe, Alina, Vicki, and Valerie Darger with Brook Adams which is copyright 2011 and published by HarperOne. 

I've read both and am interested that the people involved in these marriages talk quite a bit about it as a "calling" and very spiritual.  (Mistresses are called "Home Wreckers" and considered to be Evil, even when they preserve marriages.) 

In the case of Kody Brown, he married his first wife Meri and they were together monogamously for three years before he married Janelle.  In the case of Joe Darger, he married Alina and Vicki the very same ceremony.

As for sex, well, sometimes a man who has a Mistress is not having sex with his wife any more and that's one of his reasons for having an affair, if not a Mistress.  The fact that the wife may not be interested in having sex anymore, but wants to continue as a wife in most other ways, may contribute to the fact that she understands and accepts the Mistress.  Is there jealousy?  Sometimes, maybe often or most of the time. 

If you believe that you should have the entire focus of your spouse, any romantic relationships outside the marriage are a problem for you. I used to think that the place to find a faithful, loyal man was in church but what about this church?

Sister Wives must also be having sex with the same man at the same time and, it seems, mostly without using contraception, sometimes helping each other deliver the babies.  Some of these Sister Wives have had children born in the same years. You may even be on a schedule to see your mutual husband, to have an evening of intimacy, and have to negotiate that with the other women when you need to do something else.  Unlike many wives whose husband are off seeing someone, as a Plural Wife, you may know exactly where he is and who with all the time!  Your children will all be co-siblings.  Your daughters will probably also seek Plural Marriage.

Here is a link for the LOVE THREE TIMES site! LOVETHREETIMES.COM

Here is a link to a Blog called SISTER WIVES! THESISTERWIVES.BLOGSPOT.COM

THINKING ABOUT THIS, I would like to say that psychologists, preachers, and most parents (especially mothers) try to instill the idea that a woman deserves so very much today, and if she herself does not expect and get that so very much, the next question is of her self esteem.  But we cannot all have our own way or everything we think we want or deserve.

Some mistresses have written books heavily invested in therapy and say that no woman with self respect or self esteem can become a Mistress.  I note that these books seem to blame the women so much more than the men!

Yet, not everyone can be the Number One Priority. 

There are even real Princesses, women of privilege from birth, among us who don't find themselves as Number One in their husband's esteem. More than other women, many married women feel themselves alone and neglected because their husband is married to his business.

Missy

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Missy Rapport / Mistress Manifesto