ARE YOU SEXUALLY SATISFIED AS A KEPT PERSON?

It's commonly thought that the reason a person has an affair is because they are NOT, and that the reason a person gets Kept is because they satisfy...  But we're not all about stereotypes here, so I'm wondering... ARE YOU KEPT AND SEXUALLY SATISFIED?  Or is the time you see your loved one so limited that you are not?


Missy

SYLVIA - the film - AMIERA CASAR as ASSIA WEVILL

 Gwyneth Paltrow as poet Sylvia Plath, a bit mad and very driven to be a successful published poet.  Daniel Craig as the already known and esteemed poet Ted Hughes, Sylvia's husband, and Amiera Casar as Assia Wevill, this 2003 film focused on Sylvia and favored her a bit.


In the film, the Plath's and the Wevills become friends of sorts.  The Wevills come for dinner and Sylvia is acting a bit odd.  She's not in a hostess mood after all.  It doesn't help that Assia and Ted have a kiss in the kitchen.  The Wevills are asked to leave.  They pretend understanding the stress Sylvia is under, a poet and motherhood and Ted.


Is this really how the affair between Ted and Assia began?
Was Ted already on the way out of his marriage in his mind, finding being married to another poet, a demanding woman, too much to bear?
Was Sylvia's behavior too crazy for most men to deal with?


If you haven't seen this one, it's worth a watch.  Then you decide.

WRITING POETRY

EVEN MISTRESSES HAVE FAMILY CARE AND INHERITANCE ISSUES : OPINIION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Dear Missy

My parents are elderly.  My sister Hannah moved in with them a few years ago to be there so they won't have to go into an assisted living.  Basically, the house keeps appreciating and she's hoping to get the house when they die, so long as there is no liens against it for their care.

I work full time but I'm also Kept.  I kept it a secret but my sister saw me with Henry a few times and asked me who he is, and stupidly I told her our arrangement.  Henry's not rich and I live in an apartment which I pay the rent on.  Henry has helped me decorate and is there for me in any emergencies and has given me some generous gifts, not a monthly income or a retirement. My sister seems to think that I will never have to worry about my own old age financially.  I don't think that's true.  I think that when both of my parents have died, the house should be sold and we should split the money.  My sister points out that she gave up a lot of freedom to move in with them and thinks she is earning the house.

Any advice for me?

Terri in Toledo


ANSWER FROM MISSY

Hi Terri,

If your parents are cognitive, I think you should sit down and talk to them, as well as get some advice from an attorney, since I don't know the law in Toledo. If  Hannah is actually campaigning against you then she probably told them, "Hey Terri is a Kept Woman, she's got this Henry helping her."  So tell them you have a special man in your life, Henry, but you're not married to him and may never be, and that you think you will need some inheritance from them to support you in your old age.  Tell them you can't tap into his retirement or Social Security, that you work full time and what you expect to have to live on, emphasize your independence.  You're not a Classic Mistress.  You're a Modern one whose generous man provides extras, things if you had to you could live without.

You never know who will outlive who.

Missy

SYLVIA PLATH IN DEVON - A YEAR'S TURNING by ELIZABETH SIGMUND and GAIL CROWTHER

A short book with lots of reference books to its credit, SYLVIA PLATH IN DEVON, covers the last year of Sylvia Plath's life.  It's as well the personal memoir of author Elizabeth Sigmund, a friend and neighbor of  the poet. This is the year in which Plath's novel Ariel as well as many of her greatest poems were written. This literary work by Sylvia was about her life that year.

EXCERPTS:

(Pages 68 - 69)  

"There has been much written about the weekend visit of the Wevills in all of Plath's biographies.  It seems any attempt to try and accurately sum up this weekend relies on conjecture, gossip, and stories told long after the event.  Biographies explore the possibility that Assia Wevill travelled to Devon with the express purpose of seducing Ted Hughes, and that while she was there sexual tension between herself and Hughes was evident.  Other reports claim Plath picked up on this attraction and acted appallingly, insisting that the Wevills depart early.  Interestingly, one person who was present at the weekend, David Wevill (Assia's husband), has given his own account stating that he recalls a perfectly pleasant weekend, with Plath charming company and he and Assia departing on the day scheduled.  He did note Plath's nerviness and is quoted in 'Bitter Fame' as stating that often a look of terror would pass across her face as though she was having the most terrible thoughts.,  But he liked Plath and found her good company.  He did not detect anything amiss during the stay in Court Green.  

(Page 70)

"Two days after her visit, Assia Wevill mailed Plath a thank you letter which included a piece of tapestry complete with threat in response to Plath expressing a desire to take up needlepoint...

COMMENTARY BY MISSY

But Ted Hughes did in fact leave his wife and two children and perhaps when and where an affair with Assia began is unknown, but he did have an affair, and it would seem to be a serious one. I do not think that every woman who has an affair with a man should be called a Mistress, that the term is dramatically overused in the media, but I also continually seek to define the term. It's clear that Plath may have sensed something between her husband and Assia, even if a scene or scenes as depicted in the film staring Gwyneth Paltrow as Sylvia Plath, and apparently many other books dwell on the tense dinner.

EXCERPTS:

(Page 84)

"Returning to Court Green alone and unaware of her husbands whereabouts left Plath in a terrible state.

COMMENTARY: No kidding!  She's an American in a foreign country, married with two small children, one an infant, has no way to support herself and them, is not a feminist, her mother in America is a difficulty person and can't be relied on in that moment.

(Page 84)
At some stage between 19-20 September, Hughes pre-arranged telegram arrived. Whether Plath found out about his whereabouts in Spain at this time is unknown  but on one of these nights, she fled to the home of Winifred Davies in a highly distressed states.  What occurred during those hours is recounted in a letter from Davies to Aurelia Plath.  Plath, it seemed, had realized that Hughes had no intention of returning, and had therefore definably decided upon separation...

COMMENTARY:
This paragraph refers to the expose that Ted had preplanned a vacation trip with Assia to Spain and that he had friends cover for him by sending Sylvia this and that, as if he himself had walked to the mailbox.  Actually he was enjoying himself with Assia without apparent concern for Sylvia's emotional state.

(Page 75 - Covering the previous July before this late September realization.)

COMMENTARY
Plath used the imagery of a "circle a womb of marble" to assert that bareness was a theme that reoccurred in her work and personal letters. "The women that Ted Hughes became involved with are, according to Plath, all barren. This belief of Plath's is interesting and certainly Elizabeth Sigmund recalls that Plath was especially proud of being the bearer of Hughes's children. It was important to her that he was the father, and she felt certain that one of the women he subsequently became involved with in her lifetime intended to have children with him.  Given that Assia Wevill became pregnant just before Plath's death (and subsequently had an abortion), Sigmund believes that if Plath had known of this pregnancy it would have upset her greatly.

(Page 86)

October, London....  ..."Assia Wevill phoned Nathaniel Tarn to talk about her ten days in Spain with Hughes.  She explained how this secret meeting had been arranged as early as August.  Wevill also told Tarn how well she and Hughes worked together and that they were planning to write a film script.

(Page 88)
Ted Hughes arrived  back gome.  Assia Wevill had gone to Germany with her husband and so Hughes decided to leave London and return to Devon...

(Pages 88-89)  Ted Hughes left his marriage and Assia Wevill informed Tarn that she was to be named as co-respondent in the Plath-Hughes divorce.

COMMENTARY

The book states that Hughes and Hughes estate attempted to and did repeatedly aim to censor the truth about Sylvia Plath as well as the terms and conditions of her marriage to Ted Hughes, for the sake of their children perhaps, but more likely his own reputation.
This book looks at archival letters and other documents as well as memories of neighbor and friend Sigmund.  


C 2017 on Commentaries  Mistress Manifesto Blogspot

EYE TO EYE

MANIFESTO DECLARATIONS - SHOULD I CONTINUE POSTING THEM? SEND ME A COMMENT

Hello Readers,

For years now I've been posting "DECLARATIONS FOR MISTRESSES," which are based in AFFIRMATIONS and usually have some personal experience or opinion attached to them. These have tied in with the title of this blog MISTRESSMANIFESTO.BLOGSPOT.COM. 

I've been thinking of dropping these, though I think the ones already posted are valuable (and not just for mistresses), in favor of some other monthly column, maybe advice, maybe something else.

If you have an opinion or any ideas that you'd like to share let me know using COMMENTS.  Remember that if you do not want your comment to show, all you need to do is write DO NOT POST and I won't.  Your comment will not instantly post just because you hit send.

I'm interested in hearing if any or all of the DECLARATIONS FOR MISTRESSES has been helpful to you in your life.  

Missy

Note June 2021  I've just gone through the Declarations and added this flower image to help you locate them. I agree with myself - everything I posted in these Declarations.

SHOULD THIS MISTRESS CHANGE THE MAN WHO KEEPS HER? QUESTIONS FOR MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Hi Missy,
I've been kept by Daniel for five years and I can tell we're getting tired of each other.  While kept by Daniel I've completed a professional education which he paid the tuition on and I'll always be thankful for that.


I met Jerome through Daniel but they are not close friends.  I went with Daniel to a special event and they knew each other through business. Jerome and I go out to lunch once in a while and we very much like each other.  So when he started hinting that maybe he'd like to be with me I just listened.  Best friend Nancy thinks Daniel might be trying to encourage Jerome towards me.  Daniel and I seem to be loyal to each other but there's an age difference to think about.  What do you think about a woman changing men who keep her?

Joannie

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Hi Joannie,


Though thanks to your own determination and Daniel's money you now have an advanced degree.  So do you plan to use it?  I suggest you at least start out trying to.  Because then you really will not need to be kept, and that's a different mind set isn't it?
Maybe you're down playing the wonderful qualities of both men by not mentioning any.
Maybe Nancy is right.  (And maybe the two men know each better than you think.)
When a man feels that he has gone as far as he can go with a woman and tries to give her a soft landing by introducing her to his friends, that's an "ouch!"  I have heard of this working out though.

I once heard of a husband and wife who divorced and then each of them found the other the perfect partner!


So maybe it's time to have that heart to heart talk with Daniel.  With five years between you, you both deserve that.

Missy

THE CHARADE

ASSIA GUTMAN : "SHE DEVIL" SEDUCTRESS BLAMED FOR SYLVIA PLATH'S SUICIDE - AND POET TED HUGHES

ASSIA ESTHER GUTMAN
(May 15, 1927 – March 23, 1969)

Mistress of the Month

The review that follows is my take on Assia after reading the book:

"She devil?"  Well, it's not my original idea of Assia Wevill and maybe after you learn the facts of her life, you'll agree or not to label this talented, charming, and effervescent woman this way. The talk about her "feral" beauty and seductiveness began just as she was blossoming.  No doubt about it, there are people who believe if it were not for poet Ted Hughes and Assia Wevill's involvement, poet Sylvia Plath might have not commit suicide shortly before Valentine's Day in 1963. Maybe Ted Hughes used Assia to break his marriage with Sylvia?

In 1933, when Assia was in kindergarten, her parents, a German-Lutheran mother and an atheist Jewish father, were among the 25,000 Jewish and mixed marriage couples in a first wave to leave Nazi Germany in three months.  One step ahead of the Nazi's, Doctor Gutman was one of 3500 Jewish physicians out of work when Hitler Aryanized public heath care.  He chose to go to Palestine, where he could still practice medicine. This was the beginning of the years in which Assia's family struggled and lived low. Eventually they sold the furniture and the silverware, everything, after a decade of deprivation in Palestine. But their exit to Canada was based on her probably arranged marriage to a Canadian.  Eventually, she went to Great Britain where the drama unfolded. Assia's family may have survived but they never regained the status they had in pre-Nazi Germany. She was always dealing with cultural change. To her credit she excelled in languages speaking German, Russian, Italian, Hebrew, English, and French!

As a young woman Assia was called a femme fatal and was said to have beauty like Elizabeth Taylor. She was judged to have power over men and it was assumed she could ride through life based on her beauty. She was actually an intellectual and a "Creative" born too soon to enjoy the progress of feminism. If she didn't want marriage and motherhood, it was frankly her best option in those times, the late 1940's through the 1950's.  In better circumstances, she might have become a professor of literature.  Instead she'd become the wife of professional and literary men.

Assia's nonconformity was misunderstood, casting her as an adventuress out for a good time and with an easy sexuality, as evidenced by her use of abortion as contraception.  Maybe she was just trying to survive. These were the days before the Pill and the IUD.  Certainly she was no Sylvia Plath, the poet who claimed motherhood as necessary for women, but who left her children motherless when she killed herself with her head in a gas oven.

Assia's was married to a service man and boarder of the family named John Steele.  Her father opposed the marriage but she went forward at age 20, having already had a pregnancy scare, and very likely continued to date and have affairs after that marriage, even before they left for Canada. Yet, this is confusing, supposedly Steele didn't even tell her the plan was to immigrate to Canada.  Her reaction to being so disrespected and used was to attempt suicide with pills. So, like Sylvia Plath, Assia Wevill had a history of depression and suicidal behavior before she ever met Ted Hughes, a poet who had published and attracted literary fame.

She needed a divorce and the only reason legally was adultery.  Someone had to admit to it or document it and there was a lively business  going on, including actresses and photographers for hire.  Assia did the admitting and got out of her marriage of inconvenience. Assia tried to cancel the marriage by saying it was a sexless, annulled marriage.

She did enroll in college at the University of British Columbia, and renamed herself Pamela A.E. Steele.  She was active in social activities and clubs and not perceived as much of an academic.  Probably for good reason, she feared suffering from anti-Semitism.  She started speaking in a more cultivated English accept, but shoplifted cosmetics and stole her sisters clothes, all in an effort to remake herself.

Her second husband was Richard Lipsey, who met her and proposed to her a week into their affair. He decided six months later that she was only good for an affair but he didn't bail out on the marriage proposal. He'd known her reputation before he started with her.  Lipsey was headed for a PhD at the London School of Economics.  Maybe his later testimonials are a Lipsey gone conservative.  More accurately, the young couple were part of a mid 1950's hip group of students who were liberal about sex and even communal about it.  Strangely, as if she'd been passed on, Lipsey became life long friends with first husband, Steele.  Four years into this second marriage, Lipsey was ready for children, and she wasn't.  It's said that before the drama was over for him, he attempted suicide.

David Wevill, husband number three, was met on board a ship.  Wevill was a Canadian History and English professor and poet.  In a pattern of behavior, Assia and David had an instant shipboard affair and declared their love. This time Assia got a job out of the affair as an interpreter.  She translated broadcasts from the Middle East, moving between English, Hebrew, and Arabic.  From there she got a job as a secretary for an advertising agency in London. 

Wevill proved to be the best husband so far.  He was a published poet in in the same "Poetry from Cambridge" anthology as Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath.  That, and a poetry group, was the connection.  (Assia also writes poetry but hers is secret work, unpublished and not shared.)By 1958, David Wevill accepted two years of teaching in Burma while Assia stayed in London working.  Their living apart resulted in another divorce which he decided.  Before the drama was over for him, he attempted suicide too.

Assia did not live as most women did in her time.  She was not faithful, she was not interested in motherhood, she was married and divorced four times. She had so many abortions in her lifetime that Ted Hughes called her "The Lilith of Abortion." Thus the "She Devil" label.  She kept everyone on their toes being unpredictable.  She wasn't stable.

Let me switch now to a focus on poet Sylvia Plath, who feminist women have taken up as a cause.  Driven and talented, and mentally ill, Ted Hughes said she was "draining" him. He was unable to do his writing around her and the children. Was she draining or is it that he couldn't cope with being a father and husband?  Was it that he tried having an artist for a wife and did not like it?  Sylvia attacked Assia as not being what she was - a mother.

He had a family who did not approve of his lifestyle and he seemed unable to separate from them. Then again, he needed someone to care for the children.  Was not Assia a bad choice for that task after Sylvia died?

Sylvia had been shattered by his betrayal, and threw Ted's letters and manuscripts into a bonfire. Sure Ted was conflicted and maybe torn up about leaving the children with Sylvia or his family, but he used his friends to cover for him when he disappeared for a break away from his wife and for time alone with Assia - a holiday in Spain - freedom. A hot affair, they were mutually convinced the other was the love of their life.  Can we hold that against either of them?  Yet at this point all spouses involved wanted them to just come to their senses and come home!  Ted and Sylvia had been married six years when they had their second child.  Was Ted just having "the seven year itch?"

The couples met in the summer of 1961, struggling with conservative values not ready to join the Swinging 60's.  They were a generation too old to be part of that.  In 1962  Assia was 34, not a mini skirted mod, not into drugs or hippie culture or a beehive hair do.  She had her issues but drinking wasn't one of them.  She didn't. She had a sophisticated and classic look and she worked in advertising and was successful.  Yet her own mental instability lead to her creating scenes for attention.  She even claimed to her husband, David, that she had been raped by Ted Hughes.

In this horrible story, there are a lot of desperate, extremely emotional people prone to suicide attempts.  Sylvia dead, Ted was not up to raising his two children he'd had with her on his own. Assia moved in with Ted Hughes, into the home that he had shared with Sylvia.  She was haunted by Sylvia. The woman who had so many abortions finally allowed a child to be born. At the age of 37, in 1965, while London was Swinging, she had a daughter she  nicknamed "Shura." She was still married to David Wevill but the child is implied to be fathered by Ted. In 1969, the over 40 Assia followed Sylvia's example of using gas in a kitchen to kill herself and her four year old. She gave her daughter sleeping pills first.  And so she became not only a suicide but a murderer. 

Did the authors do everyone involved justice?  I believe the two Jewish male authors of this book were fascinated with Assia, and in a subtle way this is a story born in Naziism and the diaspora of Jews from Germany, and what happened to them, how it effected them to have to flee for survival.  Assia's Gutman's life had its wonderful moments but ended in tragedy.

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