CROSSING DELANCEY : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

The Pickle Man!  Once upon a time just about every woman who watched this film in 1988 came out of the theater wanting a husband like The Pickle Man, even if they were not Jewish, living in New York, or working at a book store.  The man is played by actor Peter Riegert and beautiful actress Amy Irving is the young woman with a job and apartment who almost becomes the Mistress of a snobbish literary author who does readings at the independently owned bookstore that she works at. Oh the days pre Internet, pre cell-phone, pre on-line book stores!

A fictive film based on the cultural changes that independent Jewish-American women experienced years ago, such as marrying men who were not Jewish, attempting to be single mothers without financial support from men, and rejecting the good intentions of their grandma's. And oh the matchmaker in this film is something else. I'd be afraid of her!

What changes Isabelle's mind about Sam, isn't her girlfriend who wants him, but that he hadn't actually hired a matchmaker after all.

Enjoy this one!

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MAKE ME A MATCH : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

Like the film Arranged, which is fictive but focuses on American a  Jewish woman, this film is set in Israel. And the matchmaker in this film says all the matches actually come from God, so long as the parties are open and not standing in His (or her) way.  One woman who is divorced and with children says she is considered too picky and uncompromising.  (This accusation is usually targeted at the women in both films.  We are expected to modify our lives to suit others.)

I was interested in these people who are modern and living in Israel. 

And in this case an American (apparently there is a whole expat community of American Jews in Israel who live there without their families) man is also profiled.  He mentions that no physical contact with women is aloud, and well, the question is, what of celibacy? This man has the misfortune in that he owns a comedy club and that's his living so what woman wants that?

Would you PRAY for a husband or wife?

What does this pretty divorced woman want out of a man anyway.

There's pressure to have Jewish children, especially because of the Holocaust. And so a Jewish man needs a Jewish wife.

It was cringeworthy to hear her advised that a woman like her, older, divorced, needs to GRAB A MAN WHEN HIS WIFE DIES.  The matchmaker mentions various women who married such a man before a year after the wife's death was up.  (Was I mistaken in thinking that a year of mourning was important in the Jewish faith?)

This is not in the film but it is an opinion of mine.  Mistresses who are Not Jewish be aware that sometimes a Jewish man will only marry a Jewish woman.  If you're involved with a Jewish man, even in the United States, and want to be married, find out what his true intention is.

Missy

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ARRANGED : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

 This is a fictive film, but it was realistic, and is about an unlikely friendship between two young teachers, one an Orthodox Jewish woman and the other from a Muslim family.  Both women insisted on education and a job before an arranged marriage.  The principal of their school is a modern woman who wants them to choose to be modern too and it's especially difficult because the multi-ethnic and racial students are being encouraged to be open and accepting of each other's differences.  The Muslim woman's family seems far more modern and are personally arranging for her to meet men.  She also manages to help her Orthodox Jewish friend's matchmaker find the perfect match for her friend.

The pressure upon the Jewish Orthodox woman to marry just about anyone by her parents and the Matchmaker are cringeworthy.  Anyone who has ever gone on an arranged blind date with Mr. or Ms. Wrong can relate.

It occurs to me as I watch this film and the other's I'm review this month that today's women are right to want their independence and choose who they wish to marry or not marry.  However, it seems to me that some parents have offered no guidance at all and that women sometimes are ignorant of what's important to them personally.

As well, royalty and aristocracy has continued to arrange marriage, or at least make it clear what expectations are and see to it that their children only meet others of their set, class, or caste, so that they will "fall in love" with someone likely to be approved of.  Today Western women often have affairs or relationships before marriage and, as we know, some continue to do so, as do their husbands, after marriage.

 Perhaps in the case of the Orthodox Jewish woman or a Muslim woman, it's assumed that the companionable couple will find love or learn to love their husband, especially because they will have children together. Are these marriages Mistress-Proof, unlike the unhappy arranged couplings of royals and aristocrats?  I have no way of knowing.

But I think their lives are so controlled that they probably don't dare because their families as well as their communities are involved.

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MEET THE PATELS : MISTRESS MANIFESTO FILM REVIEW

What do you do when your mother considers herself to be a successful matchmaker herself, but you can't seem to find the "right one" to marry and you really want mom off your back?

MEET THE PATELS is a documentary film that focuses on Patels, apparently one of the most common East Indian surnames in the United States and a name which also implies a certain caste. Handsome East Indian-American men experience a clash of cultures, the tradition of arranged marriage or finding their own partner in life, called a "love marriage." The idea is that if two people are matched well they will come to love each other, or learn to love each other, or discover what love is together. Generally, arranged marriages is how their parent's met. Aren't they happy? Doesn't a person's attitude has much to do with their parent's marriage, the marriage they have judged to be good or bad?

One thing that impresses me about East Indian Matchmaking in the United States is that the potential mates are often willing to move their lives to another city and state to make the match.  Sometimes the bride or groom, mostly the bride, comes from India to a new marriage and a new country.  What an adjustment that must be!  This means that family will either be distanced or follow.

I enjoyed this one.  It does have a happy ending. 

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MATCHMADE? HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED MATCHMAKER? MISSY ASKS YOU!

Have you ever been match-made? 
By whom? 
Did it work? 
Have you ever played matchmaker to another couple?
Tell ALL!

Your comments are reviewed before posting.

MAIL ORDER BRIDES - INTERNATIONAL MEET UPS - MATCHMAKERS - THE BUSINESS OF MARRIAGE : SPECIAL TOPIC

Over the last several years, rather than keep to the usual Mistress (or Mantress) of the Month format, I've been covering special topics that I think will be of interest to my steady readers in December - the Holidays.

I know that the holidays are busy.  I know that some of my readers, who are involved with others who are married and elsewhere, may feel especially bored and lonely.  The Coronavirus-19 Pandemic has put extra stress on everyone, particularly those who have had to sequester themselves without visits from the one they love and lust after. Too many Zoom meetings already.  I wonders if we will ever safely date.  Can we even kiss someone we just met?

This might be a good time to read this blog from start to finish if you have never and think about what life as a Mistress (or Mantress) has been for some of those who couldn't keep their lives a secret because they were just too famous or they themselves wrote a book about that experience. Maybe this will help you assess your own relationships, your needs and desires.  Maybe you're one of those people who think being Kept is something you would never do. Or maybe you're trying to decide if you stay or go in an extramarital relationship. Remember that for every one person who is known, there are likely hundreds who have arrangements, and many thousands who've had an affair.

You may be NMNK and happy or you may long for a partner in life.  There's a question you must ask yourself...

Do you want to be married?

If you're someone who wants to be married but you just can't seem to get a relationship going in that direction, you may have considered what's out there - Internet based dating clubs which have their basis in what used to be called Lonely Hearts Clubs! There are many opportunities to meet someone long distance, such as someone from another country who is actually still living there.  These long distance connections are aided by companies, hundreds of them from what hear, that charge mostly  Westernized men to meet mostly "foreign" women.

One of the stereotypes we deal with as a society is that men are marriage adverse and women want to be married and have to be patient, or be tricky, or extra sexy, or something in order to snare a resistant man. Is a man who is in love resistant just because he's male?

In truth, there are many  good men who want to be married because they see the value in it. Some men flourish in a good marriage. Others just seem to have no luck. Are they just "too picky"? Is their wish list just too difficult to fulfill? Maybe having no luck works in their favor - for a while.  A man who has had a hard time meeting Ms. Right might just appreciate a good woman more than a man who is spoiled by women.  Any woman who has been baited, hooked, and then thrown back into the sea by a man whose just no good, who has issues with commitment or does this to flatter his ego or impress his lousy friends, wants one of those good men - a keeper!  Some women are willing to share a good man too.

So this month I want to look at the men who desire marriage so much they have given up on it all happening organically and naturally and have decided to try to import a partner for life.  They seek a woman who will be the ultimate gift to themselves!  And I want to look at the whole arranged marriage deal in this, the 21st century!

Missy

HOW DOES THIS MISTRESS STOP HER RELATIVES FROM TRYING TO MATCHMAKE HER?

Question for Missy

Hi Missy,

I'm 37 and have been a mistress for 7 years.  My relatives think that I never meet men, never get asked out, and that I'll never get married and have children unless they match-make me.  They are right.  I never go out to meet other men and I don't accept dates.  I'm fine as I am and not worried about getting married to anyone or having children.  My man has four children, one still at home, and doesn't want more.  So the real problem is that I don't want to tell them why I'm not interested. That I'm in love with a man already.  I met a couple of the men they wanted to introduce me to.  Luckily they weren't that interested in me.  Then I stopped meeting the men they wanted for me but they haven't backed off.  It's both my grandmothers, my mother, and my sister.  It's so ridiculous that they even suggested I meet a 2nd cousin of ours!  They're desperate for me.  I can't stand it.  What do you suggest?


Carol
Bloomington


Answer from Missy

Hi Carol,

I know someone whose relatives all think she's lesbian because she hasn't brought any men around.  She does not protest.

Try not to get defensive. The best thing to do is not talk about it.  Talk about the things that interest you.  Have interests not issues.

I would call them all on the same day and tell them you feel pressured by them as individuals and collectively and that you will no longer be entertaining any of their matchmaking suggestions. If at some other time in your life you are interested in meeting men, you will let them know.  If someone calls you and starts up on this subject after you have told them to cut it out, gently say, "I have to go" and cease the conversation. Say "GoodBye!" and hang up. Be consistent.  They'll eventually get the message.

Missy

MISTRESSES ARE READING PATTI STANGER BECOME YOUR OWN MATCHMAKER

Missy here! OK first of all there are not just 8 steps and they are not easy, however, we can all learn something from Patti Stanger here, who has had her own tough road to follow when it comes to men. (And by the way, we hear she just broke her years long relationship and also went on a diet to slim down to dating size again.)

Here is the list of things you do not want to talk about NEVER with a date
from pages 158 -168:

YOUR OWN ADVENTURES IN DATING

YOUR EX

MONEY (She says it is uncouth and to never ever ask a man for money during the pre-marriage relationship. Presents however, are generally acceptable to keep.)

HEALTH PROBLEMS

RELIGION

POLITICS

NEGATIVE SUBJECTS THAT DEPRESS YOU

YOUR CHILDREN

SEX

YOUR DIET

CELEBRITIES (She herself can't help to but...)

BUSINESS



But do talk about

SPORTS

TRAVEL

LITERATURE

CULTURE

MOVIES

NATURE

YOUR COMMUNITY

MUSIC

HUMOR

PETS

THE MEDIA

LOCAL AND NATIONAL NEWS

and especially research so you can talk about HIS FAVORITE SUBJECTS!

Page 169

"Men fall in love through their eyes and women fall in love through their ears."


BECOME YOUR OWN MATCHMAKER
8 EASY STEPS FOR ATTRACTING YOUR PERFECT MATE
Star of The Millionaire matchmaker
Patti Stanger with Lisa Johnson Mandell
Atria Books - A Division of Simon and Schuster, Inc.
C 2009