DESPITE TUBERCULOSIS TWENTY YEAR OLD MARIE DUPLESSIS HAS ILLUSTRIOUS AND RICH LOVERS INCLUDING ALEXANDRE DUMAS THE YOUNGER

1844, and lasting a year, Alexandre Dumas "the younger" was twenty, like Marie. He could not support her and could not deal with the facts of her life, that she was a Courtesan and had other lovers.  He was too jealous and perhaps too in love. This man immortalized Marie when he used her as inspiration for a novel he published in 1848 which was called La Dame aux Camelias by Alexandre Dumas the younger. (She loved that flower.) The book may very well be a romantic fantasy in which Dumas also is a character. In 1952 the book was turned into a play and then the play inspired the opera by Verdi called La Traviata.  La Traviata translates to The Fallen Woman. 

La Traviata is currently the most performed opera in the world. Marie's life, perhaps because she died so young, is a tragedy. 

Perhaps it is the book and the play and the opera that has made Courtesan/ Mistress  Marie Duplessis famous, for there were others we have heard about and many others we have never heard about and never will.  This blog depends on the books and other information on those who became famous but some say the most successful Mistresses are the ones we never hear about.

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

MARIE DUPLESSIS

 Image is in Public Domain in the United States and provided by Wikimedia/ Wikipedia.

 Source : Čeština: Obrázek Marie Duplessis, dámy s kaméliemi

Her extremely white, pale skin contrasted with her thick black hair.  

She was slim and not especially voluptuous.

In this image of Marie, the young woman might even be called "Tubercular."

MARIE DUPLESSIS MOVES INTO A BETTER APARTMENT : COUNT EDOUARD DE PERREGAUX

As Marie Duplessis moved up in the world, she attracted Count Edouard De Perregaux as a new love and perhaps he was the man she would come closest to becoming a Mistress of. His father was a financier who had been made a senator by Napoleon Bonaparte and was attached to the Bank of France. Edouard himself had been in the military in Africa and had earned a good reputation and inherited a sizable fortune but he also seemed to be determined to spend it and go into debt.

Excerpts pages 41 - 42 : He first encountered Marie at a masked ball at the Opera House in the rue Le Peletier, the tradition of masked balls having been revived there in 1839, such events being held every Saturday evening during the carnival time before Lent. Edouard and Marie were intregued by one another, and Edouard rapidly dropped another courtesan, Alice Ozy, in order to take up with her.

The apartment in which he installed her at 22 rue d'Antin comprised a drawing room, a boudoir, dining room and two bedrooms. The widows, and Marie's bed, were curtained with muslin and silk. Marie ordered her goods and services from a wide range of providers" wines from Madame Tisserant, just opposite in the rue d'Anton; cakes delivered by Rollet from the passage de l'Opera, glace fruits from Broissier, mint pastilles from Gouache in the boulevard de la Madeleine. Edouard would join in the consumption of all these luxuries, not stopping to make the calculation that by spending at the rate of three thousand francs a month, which was the absolute minimum Marie required to live on, he would rapidly use up his already depleted fortune. 

Marie felt flattered because Count de Perregaux seemed to be only interested in her but eventually also felt she had been deceived into thinking his fortune was substantial enough to last past her spending. He was estranged from his family and friends over his unrequited passion and extreme spending in order to keep her happy. She didn't cut him off completely but took on other lovers willing to keep her in the accommodations she desired. Considering his fixation on Marie, it must have taken some expertise to both disappoint him and keep him in her life.

At a time in which concerns about venereal diseases such as syphilis, for which there was no real cure, prevailed and during which contraception was limited, women especially paid the price for sexuality and pregnancy. But there was another disease that people feared and that claimed countless lives for which there was no cure and that was tuberculosis. Young Marie Duplessis must have realized she was seriously ill by this time as she was spitting up blood. 

Count Edouard de Perregaux is important to the story of this Courtesan though because towards the end of her life, as she was dying of tuberculosis, it was he who she married.

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

DESIRE

 

MEN "CLUB" TOGETHER TO SHARE THE BOUNTY OF THEIR FAVORITE COURTESAN MARIE DUPLESSIS

I wonder: is there a correlation between being a shopaholic and a Courtesan?

In 1842 Marie Duplessis might have been at the height of her earning power, if you choose to look at it that way.  She had many lovers and huge expenditures.

Excerpt pages 39-40 : ... Hippolyte de Villemessant tells how seven members of fashionable Paris decided to club together to purchase her favors, since she was so expensive to maintain.  To inaugurate this arrangement they bought Marie a present: a dressing table with seven drawers so they could each have one to keep their things.  In the early days Marie's management of her multiple lovers sometimes went adrift.  Shortly after Agenor de Guiche's return from England she made the mistake of taking him for a drive in the blue carriage which had been given to her by another lover, Fernand de Montguyon....  Subsequently she managed her affairs better and took care not to offend those who were paying the bills. Agenor was a t this stage what was known as an amant de coeur - that is, his and Marie's relationship was not a monetary transaction but a matter of genuine affections and mutual enjoyment...

This excerpt reminds me that anyone can attract many others at any one time but must somehow keep it all ... compartmentalized.  And be tactful. 

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

POISED

 

VICOUNT DE MERIL BECOMES THE FATHER OF MARIE DUPLESSIS SON

Viscount de Meril was the man to introduce Marie Deplessis to a vice - gambling.

In 1840, she had what is called "an affair" with this man, who introduced her to Spa, a resort in Belgium. As a result of their relationship, the young mother of a son she gave birth to in 1841 had to send the baby away to be raised by a nurse. A version of the story is that the baby died - not at all uncommon in those days before modern medical treatments - but perhaps not.

It is said that she was given to lying, which she claimed was good for whitening the teeth. (Perhaps she thought her lies were "white lies?") It's also said, from descriptions of her beauty and comportment, that her moods shifted from serenity to jubilance. My words; I do wonder if  Marie Duplessis was bipolar. Her behavior is often considered a consequence to having a horrible childhood.

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

 

VERDI'S OPERA LA TRAVIATA (THE FALLEN WOMAN) IS A TRAGEDY AND THE MOST PERFORMED OPERA IN THE WORLD

Royal Ballet and Opera - United Kingdom, YouTube station, posted this video.

Excerpt:  Richard Eyre;s stunning naturalistic productions contrasts the superficial glamour of the 19th century Parisian high life with intimate scenes for Violetta with Alfredo and Giorgio Germont, culminating in the heart-breaking final act  Verdi's sublime score contains some of his most inspired arias and duets, including Violetta's introspecive 'Ah forse'e lui and hedonistic 'Sempre libera' Violetta and Germont's poignant Act II encounter and Alfredo and Violetta's 'Parigi, o cara', in which they dream of a happy future.

Missy here! 

True love or a crush that would always be unrequited because the one fantasized about has died? Alexandre Dumas The Younger's book inspired by his year long romance with Maria Duplessis spawned plays and this opera, as well as other productions into the present time.

MARIE DUPLESSIS : AGENOR DE GUICHE MAKES AN APPEARANCE IN THE TEENAGER'S LIFE AND SHE CHANGES HER NAME FROM ALPHONSINE PLESSIS

Grand Horizontals by Virginia Rounding is a primary reference for this month's post.

Excerpt page 20 : "The women of the uppermost ranks, the most desirable demi-mondaines, were also often referred to by the epithets grands or hautes - grandes cocottes, for instance, rather than simple cocottes. The pseudonymous writer "Zed" refers in his Le Demi-monde sous le Second Empire of 1892 to grandes abandonnees (The great abandoned ones) while Frederic Loliee in his Les Femmes du Second Empire of 1907 uses the term grandes horizontales (literally, great horizontals, or women flat on their backs). Collective expressions for the great demi-mondaines included la jaute glanterie (literally high gallantry, chivalry, or intrigue, and colloquially the top rank of kept women) and la Haute Bicherie..."

What I found interesting is that Agenor De Guiche made an appearance in the lives of many courtesans and seems in Virginia Rounding's book to be credited with being the man who turned Alphonsine Plessis into a grandes horizontales. Although De Guiche's family was aristocratic, they had lost their wealth during the French Revolution and so he was not an especially rich young man. When he met Alphonsine he was 21 years old and she was 16. He had finished a couple years of higher education and wanted to bring her up to his intellectual level, though he was not an especially bright student himself. This young man paid for Alphonsine to have lessons in dancing and piano and improved her reading and writing; she became an avid reader who eventually developed an impressive collection of 200 or so books and held literary and intellectual salons. His interest in her seems to have been sincere. The young man spent about 10,000 francs on her in three months but then, in 1840, went to England and took a break from their relationship. By the time he returned, he was not the only man interested in the budding courtesan. 

According to author Virginia Rounding many a mother feared her son would spend his fortune away and acquire venereal diseases by having sex with prostitutes and courtesans.

Excerpt page 36 : She was not unusual, among the grisettes and courtesans of Louis Philippe's reign, in deciding to change her name; it was also a very common practice among the ranks of ordinary prostitutes.  The choice of a new name could serve both to add a touch of glamour and to depersonalize the prostitute, so that she could feel she was merely performing a role, disconnected from her real self.  There was also often a desire to disconnect from her previous life and from her family, either out of shame or from a desire to escape and not be easily traced...

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

ADORING

 

THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I AM SO PROUD OF OTHER WOMEN AND TODAY IS ONE OF THEM : CONTACT YOUR POLITICIANS : EPSTEIN FILES TRANSPARENCY ACT

Among the things I admire about these women is the mention of other women who are not believed and may not be able to speak out or get justice in other countries, who don't speak English, from Russia, Ukraine, and other countries, women who were also sex trafficked by or for Jeffrey Epstein. These women have courage and they ask that others come forward if they too were abused and/or trafficked by Jeffrey Epstein - Ghislaine Maxwell - or others we have not heard about. There are hundreds of women who have been silent or silenced.

In this blog, MISTRESS MANIFESTO, we explore some women who were no doubt raped, sexually exploited, some who made the best of their situation in their place and time when, overall, women had little to no opportunity to have education, careers, or opportunities for independence - even marriage could rarely be avoided. We would not know about most of them if it were not for literature, that they or someone else thought they were interesting and important enough to write about. 

Overall, life has improved for women, but there are still many who find themselves in situations they can't easily get out of, if at all.

Choice has expanded in Western culture, but it always rests in truth - information. There are so many situations in life were a person not only feels powerless, they are powerless.

As some of these women have stated they were fourteen years old, or sixteen years old, when they went to give "massage" to a rich older man who made it sexual abuse, intimidated them, and told them they had to bring other women to him. This is one of the reasons I suggest that it's probably not a good idea to consider becoming a Mistress until one has lived a while, completed an education, started a career, and explored one's own sexuality with consensual partners.

I'm linking to information on the EPSTEIN FILES TANSPARANCY ACT which is house bill #4405

This bill was introduced by
Representative Ro Khanna,  California, District 17 115th-119th

MERKLEY SENATE : TEXT OF THE EPSTEIN FILES TRANSPARANCY ACT

HOUSE GOV FIND YOUR REPRESENTATIVE

Give a call or send an e-mail. Get behind legislation that may lead to further protections for women.

MY POST FROM 2019 ABOUT THE SCANDAL on 8/13/2019 is titled THE JEFFREY EPSTEIN SEX TRAFFICKING SCANDAL - HOW YOUNG IS TOO YOUNG TO HAVE SEX?

MARIE DUPLESSIS : GRAND HORIZONTALES : PARISIAN COURTESANS OF THE NAPOLEAN III ERA

Virginia Rounding's book Grande Horizontales begins with the assumption that Courtesans were prostitutes of the highest quality and because of this, the most expensive. So, her book begins with quite an interesting expose on prostitution in 19th century Paris. Here at Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot, we yearn to define what being a Mistress means, and I acknowledge that the assumption of prostitution is there along with the idea that a Mistress is Kept for sex - only or primarily for sex. After many years of blogging I still find the question to be one that has many answers, but I think mistresses are in relationships that are more interesting than "just sex." That said, a prostitute can become a mistress and visa versa but exactly at what point does a woman become a Courtesan, since some of these women did "rise up" out of prostitution? Maria Duplessis's story has an answer to when.

Grande Horizontales focuses on four Courtesans, and this month I will focus on Marie Duplessis who died at the young age of twenty-three of tuberculosis. One of her lovers, Alexandre Dumas, based his main character in the novel La Dame Aux Camelias, which was published in 1848. Camelias were Marie's favorite flowers. She was married in 1846 to Count Edouard de Perregauz, until her death.

MARIE DUPLESSIS

"The Virtuous Courtesan"

"La Dame aux Camélias"

Alphonsine Plessis

Countess Edouard de Perregaux (She kept her name Marie Duplessis though.)

1824 - 1847

Her father was the illegitimate son of a priest and a prostitute who was abusive to his wife, Alphonsine's mother. The poor woman took off to Paris hoping to support herself and, eventually, her daughters but she died when Alphonsine was only six. Abandoned into the care of relatives, rumor was that the girl was sexually abused from the age of eleven and a half.  Accused of being a seductress, she was sent back to the father who didn't want her. He left her and her sister to become apprentice laundresses. At thirteen and fourteen years old she was a blanchisseuse. This was the fate of many girls in those days.

Excerpt Page 32 : "Such an apprenticeship involved long hours of hard and repetitive physical labour... First piles of dirty linen would be sorted and washed, the actual washing sometimes done in a communal washroom by a washerwoman, a lower level of work than the blanchisseuse.  Much of the work of the blanchisseuse consisted of ironing, which would be done at a large table covered with a heavy blanket, itself covered with calico.  Several irons were heated on the large cast-iron stove, and it would be the job of the apprentice to keep this stove filled - always being careful not to overfill it - with coke... The blanchissuese herself and her older employees would be busy ironing intricate objects such as caps, shirt-fronts, petticoats, and embroidered drawers, while the apprentice would be put to work on the plain items, the stockings and the handkerchiefs..."

What happened next would shock today. Her father then gave her over to a man who was sixty to seventy years old and might have actually sold her to him. When her employer realized the situation, she was fired. To escape this man Alphonsine took a job as a hotel maid. Her father than gave her over to another man. Marie would not talk about it, but there is a strong possibility that her father than took her for himself, committing rape and incest on his own daughter. In 1839 The father and daughter suddenly upped and went to Paris.

As I read these passages I do wonder if Alphonsine's father intended for her to become a prostitute as his mother had been. As author Rounding describes it, French Parisian culture had an understanding of prostitution, and many prostitutes' were legally registered. In Paris the father again left her with relatives and, now only fifteen, she was placed as an apprentice with a dressmaker. She worked long hours - 7 am to 8 pm six days a week. She attached lace and embroidery to decorate dresses there. A dressmaker did not want apprentices who became prostitutes but it was not unusual for them, due to the low, unlivable pay to become grisettes - a woman who took on a paying lover.

Alphonsine, despite her hard work, may have been going hungry. 

Then one day she and two friends accepted the offer of a day away by the owner of a restaurant who probably knew they were hungry.

Excerpt Page 35: "Quite who seduced whom, who exploited whom, is debatable: Alphonsine, with her precocious sexual experience, was an easy prey for a man with a certain amount of sophistication on the look-out for a young and pretty mistress, while she was quick to realize that, if she played her cards right, Nollet was in a position to offer her a way out of a life of drudgery and relative poverty. Events progressed rapidly. Within a month Monsieur Nollet had installed Alphonsine in a small apartment in the rue de l'Arcade and given her three thousand francs for her initial needs."

Poverty, hard physical labor, and sexual abuse would give Alphonsine motivation to improve her life, quite obviously. Her relatives in Paris, realizing also what she had done, outcasted her. She was alone in the world. Nollet was her first known patron and she soon overspent for his means and took other lovers as well. It was as if she gave in to her fate, or realized there was only one way to survive.

Alphonsine Plessis would fashion herself Marie Duplessis and rise out of poverty and obscurity by becoming an honored Courtesan. To do that she needed the patronage of a man and one known to other Courtesans came into her life. The next seven years or so of her short life would be dramatic and, perhaps because she had to know she was dying, gravely ill, she earnestly sought entertainments.

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

Notes: The image on the book is not that of Maria Duplessis.

Here at Mistress Manifesto I've featured a great many Courtesans and Paris seems to have been the epicenter of Courtesan culture. You can click on the tag below to bring up posts such as Paris, or Courtesan.

BLUE

 

SHOULD SHE TELL THE NEW WOMAN IN THIS NO-GOOD MAN'S LIFE THAT HE'S DISHONEST?

Question For Missy

Hi Missy,

A couple years ago a man who I considered to be a friend in a social group I'm still associated with, invited me to move in with him. We had some good times together. I never dated this man but I did have coffee with just him alone a few times. We talked and joked. I thought I made it clear, in a nice way, that I was not interested in anything more than friendship. 

From the start, when I met him, he talked about living in a large condo worth a half a million. As it goes most of the men in the social group own property and most of the women rent. I needed to move out of the place I'd been living in for several years and fast. Over many hours of phone conversations we talked about what it would be to live together as house-mates in the condo since we seemed to get along so well as friends. I was willing to rent (pay cash) for a bedroom and an office space as a short term agreement and it seemed ideal because it's located close to work.

I was supposed to go over and see the space and he kept delaying, saying he was moving things around, clearing the closet to get ready for my move in. Well, finally, we met up for lunch with the agreement that I would go over to see the place that day and I had only three weeks left to find a place. That was when he admitted he wanted a girlfriend out of the deal, wanted me to sleep in bed with him as a "practical" solution because there's only one bedroom in the place, not two after all. I could go on, but knowing him for a year, finally he was admitting the truth: the place was a wreck. He needed income to repair it and keep up with his monthly fees and even. He ran the clock out on me figuring I would have sex with him out of desperation to have a roof over my head.

I was shocked, depressed and ended up in a motel.

I decided that I no longer wanted his friendship and told him so. When he heard I was in a motel he renewed his offer that we "try" a relationship.

By the way a mutual friend in the group who had known him for years gave him an excellent reference and part of his deception was to tell me I could speak to an ex of his who he was still friends with and she would vouch for him as a "gentleman." 

Despite this betrayal and how it badly effected me, the others all stayed friends with him.

He has shown up with a new woman, a widow who really seems to be into him. Every time I see them together I keep thinking that he has to be deceiving her. I hear he asked her to marry him almost immediately and also claimed he would be able to support her. He then borrowed a few thousand from a friend to wine and dine her. Some mutual friends say "She's an adult" and to not tell her the truth about him. They say he's alone and needs someone. I keep wondering how many of these people in our social group knew the truth about him and didn't tell me. 

Should I tell her?

Veronica

San Jose, California

Answer From Missy

Hi Veronica,

Choice rests on knowing the truth and this no-good man was dishonest.

The question of whether or not to tell someone else the truth of your experience with a man - or any other person - is a difficult one. (Should you tell a woman her husband has a mistress?) I tend to side with those who say "She's an adult" because you never know. Maybe he sees how he lost your friendship and will not repeat the same mistake with her. Maybe she sees him more clearly than you know or you did.

Your social group may be a lot of people who are superficial, only into it for the good times, or who do not have your values, and so you might want to move on from the entire group. This is not just about him betraying you but all of them betraying you.

I also tend to think that telling someone a difficult truth has to do with how close you are with a friend and this new woman is not in a friendship with you. That said, in my life when I told someone I thought of as close enough to confide in a difficult truth, for instance that their "hetero" husband was gay and cheating on them with men, or, for instance, that maybe it was best if they give up trying to adopt - the friendship ended. I spoke out of friendship, because I knew how these women were suffering. But some people do shoot the messenger. In a healthy friendship, both persons should be able to he heard.

Let's put this one out there.  Are any of my dear readers opinionated?

Missy

INTELLIGENCE

 

RECLAIMING WITH MONICA LEWINSKY PODCAST - THE ACTIVIST INTERVIEWS

 APPLE PODCASTS MONICA LEWINSKY  (Also available on YouTube...)

RECLAIMING with MONICA LEWINSKY PODCAST

Excerpt:  If you're interested in unexpected conversations that go uncharted places, are remotely self-aware and like to laugh, then please join me as I continue to find my public voice on Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky. (That's me.) I will have honest, wide-ranging interviews with all kinds of people - recognizable names, regular folks, experts and friends - about what it means to reclaim what's been lost or taken in the broadest sense.  Every week, I'll draw from my own unique experiences (like say, surviving a global scandal at 24 years old), and delve into the personal and often messy ways people find their way back to themselves.  And because I love a good tangent, we'll probably also touch on other stuff, too.

HOW TO TELL IF HE'S PARTNERED VERY EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO TELL IF HE'S PARTNERED VERY EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP

As we all know, Monica Lewinsky knew President William Jefferson Clinton was married.  His wife has been the very high profile Hillary Clinton, a lawyer, and a First Lady who would also run for President of the United States some years later. Of course, so did the President know he was married. And Monica was not married, and much younger, and crazy for Bill. He was in position of power. She was not.

But ah, what about those of you who just met someone, have been dating a little while, maybe have already started having sex, and have feelings for that someone, but their personal life is a mystery? They are not wearing a wedding band so you may think they are free to be with you. 

I'm convinced that the way into being a Mistress for most Western 21st century women is just that; first you fall, then you find out. After all, there's a better chance than ever that you're going to earn money of your own and have independence unthinkable in previous generations. Unlike many of the women profiled here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO, who had little choice in life, you probably don't need to survive by being a Courtesan. What happens if you're already involved when he tells you or you find out he's partnered? Maybe you've fallen for him. Well, you don't want to let go. Some men do know that your attachment to them will make it difficult for you to break off with them and that's how they seduce. Let's not blame the men totally though. Some women who are married find themselves attracted to and involved with a man and don't tell the whole truth right away either.  (And yes, I'm aware I'm writing this in hetero context but it happens in homosexual relationships too.) Also, you may be innocent, inexperienced, or naive. You want to start out trusting people and being open to love. (Me too!)

It can be confusing also because many 21st century women know that there is no commitment until the two of you agree which means someone has to suggest it and you have to talk about it. Until that agreement, made of Choice, you know that this other person may very well be "dating around" or "sleeping around."  So when he doesn't call for a few days, or seems to want to see you last minute rather than make a plan, you may not automatically think that it's because he's partnered.

By the way, I can't easily define promiscuity. Let's talk basics. Do you know his real name, or where he lives? Where he works? You should know some basic information like that and, if you don't, you may be having sex with a stranger. All of this means that it's best to get to know someone better before you get involved. Don't get picked up.  Even if you meet someone at a party and feel wildly attracted to them, don't leave the party with them. I have come to understand that use of drugs or alcohol can blur your ability to make Choices in the moment, which can lead to devastating consequences. Moderation is advised.  It also helps to have a best friend along so you can be supportive to each other in any situation that might come up.

Here's my list :

Missy

Married, Living Together, Domestic Partnership - same difference.  Or in a steady, committed relationship but not living together.

If he is ...

He may call you or text you last minute to ask you to meet with him. (How many women is he juggling?)

He may suggest you provide your own transportation to the meet up. (Providing your own transportation can be a positive though, especially in early stages of getting to know someone.) Maybe he doesn't want to be seen in your area?

He may call or text you for a hook up or want a friends with benefits arrangement. (If you read this blog, you know I oppose these arrangements. You only have so much libidinal energy.)

He may have local sex with you in places other than his place or yours, such as in the office or a motel, or out in nature, as if he is seizing the moment and thinks this is exciting.

He may have you waiting for his call or for him to make time or show up. (Mistresses often do a lot of waiting for visits and such and if you decide to be a Mistress, consider that you should continue having a separate life.)

He may cancel, show up late, or leave early. (He's got other responsibilities.)

He may give you his business card and suggest you call him at work, avoiding giving a personal phone number. 

He may suggest it's best if he calls you or demand you not call him.

He may excuse himself to make a quick call often enough for you to be suspicious. Can they really not do without him being on-call for business?

He may want to come over to your place and hang out there rather than take you out in public.

He may see you but only have time for sex, even though you had more of a plan.

He may want to go places where you will not meet up with his friends or family or partner - nor yours!

He may avoid Friday or Saturday "date nights" routinely. (Meeting up with a new person for coffee or lunch during the day can be a good way to get to know them.)

He may ask you to meet him out of town or for a vacation.

He may avoid seeing you on holidays. (He's gone for that three day weekend...)

He may gift you or celebrate your birthday or Valentine's day early but not be available on those days.

He may say he is going out of town on business or traveling but will be back in touch.

He may use his work as a reason or excuse for why he's busy or been out of touch.

He may introduce you as his coworker or secretary or assistant when you are not.

He may not talk about his partner at all, as if he or she doesn't exist. 

He may say that he and his partner are friends or together to raise their children. (If they are legally divorced, this is ideal for the children, so -)

He may say, "You didn't ask" when you say he did not tell you he had a partner. (Not telling is also a way of being dishonest.) 

These behaviors are ones in which the person is avoiding tell you that they have a partner or someone else in their life. Deception and evasiveness is lying. However, you can't expect anyone to tell you everything there is to know about them quickly, so - All of these behaviors can be about dating more than one person when no promises of faithfulness or loyalty or commitment has been made rather than being married too.

More tricky:

He may take off his wedding band and not be wearing it when he goes out seeking another lover.

He may use his children as an excuse for where he is. (Of course you want him to have a relationship with them!)

He throws any receipts - such as for restaurant meals - gifts for you - or the hotel room away rather than risk taking them home.

You do get to meet some of his friends or business partners or others "in the know" about his personal life, basically people who will not out him or will accept you. Who are the women they are with?

***

I have tremendous concern about the spreading of venereal diseases including HIV/AIDS because these impact your health and all relationships you have now and in the future. If you're not using protection to avoid STD's you may also be risking pregnancy you have not planned on. Wanting to remain healthy is a best reason for being cautious.

Missy

AMERICAN CRIME STORY - IMPEACHEMENT : MONICA LEWINSKY IS A REAL PERSON AND NOT A PUNCHLINE

FX NETWORK AMERICAN CRIME STORY : IMPEACHMENT

Monica Lewinsky worked on this miniseries as a producer. 

DECIDER COM : REVIEW OF IMPEACHMENT FX SERIES by Kayla Cobb

Excerpt: Instead of a raunchy temptress, Impeachment presents Lewinsky as a lovestruck young woman, desperate to please the married man she adores. And as this relatively quaint story is pulled deeper and deeper into the politics of D.C., it devolves into pure horror. You’ll leave Impeachment feeling many things: anger at Linda Tripp, disgust toward Bill Clinton, revulsion about the cutthroat media landscape and our current team mentality of politics. But you’ll also leave it understanding that Monica Lewinsky was a real person rather than a punchline.

Missy here!  Have you been betrayed by a friend you confided in?  How, if at all, did this effect your ability to trust?  Or have you been the person who betrayed a friend? Why? Leave me a comment!

C 2025  Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot  All Rights claimed including Internet and International Rights

DIAMONDS

 

MONICA LEWINSKY SYMBOL OF STRENGTH by the band DOUBLE VICTOR

https://doublevictor.bandcamp.com/track/monica-lewinsky-symbol-of-strength

In researching Monica, I learned that there's a punk rock song written and recorded about her - or perhaps I should say for her. I'm linking to the YouTube video of the song (with a warning that there's a swear word used) so you can check that out.

YOUTUBE : MONICA LEWINSKY by DOUBLE VICTOR

 

THE 2025 ROLLING STONE INTERVIEW OF MONICA LEWINSKY

https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/monica-lewinsky-reclaiming-podcast-interview-1235264549/   article by Kate Storey  from February 14, 2025

MONICA LEWINSKY: ‘I MANAGED TO SURVIVE SOMEHOW, SO IT’S POSSIBLE’
The White House intern turned advocate opens up about her new podcast, survival, and charting a new course...

Excerpt: In her forties, though, she waded slowly, hesitantly back into public waters. In 2014, she wrote a viral essay for Vanity Fair titled "Shame and Survival." The next year, she did a blockbuster TED Talk called "The Price of Shame." In 2021, she served as a producer on the Ryan Murphy series American Crime Story: Impeachment - willing to relive the worst year of her life in exchange for a chance to have a say in how it was told.

Finally, people were ready to really hear her side. She continued writing for Vanity Fair, appeared in anti - bullying PSAs, produced a documentary called "156 Minutes of Shame", about people who’ve been publicly humiliated, and starred in a voter-registration ad campaign for the fashion brand Reformation. She was becoming a symbol of resilience.

Today, Lewinsky is using her voice in a different way. She’s launching a podcast called Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky, a Wondery production in which she’ll sit down with guests to talk about something that shaped who they are — and how they’ve come to think of it on their own terms. Some early guests are Molly Ringwald, who talks about her own experiences with fame at a young age, as well as Kara Swisher, novelist Anne LaMott, and Lewinsky’s good friend Alan Cumming. She gives each guest a crystal at the end of the show.

Missy here!  It's a great article and it got me thinking.  I ask you HAVE YOU BEEN BULLIED OR HUMILIATED?  Did you get over it easily or is the experience still sticking to you? 

C 2025  Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot  All Rights claimed including Internet and International Rights

CRYSTALS

 

MONICA LEWINSKY : A SURVIVOR WHO IS MOVING FORWARD and STILL EVOLVING

This month is dedicated to  MONICA LEWINSKY - A Survivor Who Is Moving Forward and Still Evolving.

In March 2012 I dedicated a month to Monica with my introductory post title GET OFF THE BACK OF MONICA LEWINSKY - Why Not Blame President Bill Clinton? I elected Monica to MISTRESS MANIFESTO here because it just was never fair that she took the brunt of the revelation that she had an affair with the President William Jefferson Clinton and she has suffered criticism and blame for years since. She was never a Mistress, and she isn't the first woman to have an affair with a married man, but is one of the few who became part of history - 20th Century history - because of it.

Some of the issues for all of us that come up with the scandal that hurt her, beginning when she was just twenty-four years old, include women's sexuality, power-over (an authority figure with responsibilities taking advantage of an underling), and the betrayal of a "friend" (Linda Tripp) pretending to have our best interest in mind - and pretending to be a person who one can confide in - and have that information used against us.

It is now 2025, Monica is much older (51ish) and wiser than when she was an intelligent college girl who was hired to be a White House Intern, and who had the possibility of a dazzling future career ahead of her. She has had to find her way through one obstacle after another. Monica is still evolving.  

MONICA SAMILLE LEWINSKY

1974- Present

Note: The photo of Monica is from her government ID photo by the Office of the Secretary of Defense, taken in May 1997, originally from US DOD. This image is a work of the U.S. military or Department of Defense employee, taken or made as part of that person's official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image is in the pubic domain in the United States.

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot All Rights claimed including Internet and International Rights

 

HER EX MAY BE A SEXUAL PREDATOR : IS THERE ANYTHING SHE CAN DO?

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Dear Missy,

I live in a small town area of Los Angeles County. I had a brief relationship with a man who I soon thought might be one of those who will say anything he thinks you want to hear.  It was confusing but I decided against him.  Anyway, when I thought he might be sleeping around or have a steady girlfriend somewhere that he was cheating on, I decided to avoid encounters with him. He became predatory towards me even though months went by and we weren't dating. 

I'm not sure what would've happened if I'd resisted the time he saw me at my storage unit, where it turns out he rents too, and expected to have sex in the bathroom there. I managed to stop it before things went too far. Then there was the time I happened to see him in the park and he suddenly gave me a hug but also squeezed my rear for anyone who was looking to see.  He seems to want to give other men the impression I'm his...

More months went by and one day I saw him at the park where I sometimes walk at lunch. He offered me a ride back to work and I thought what the heck. Well, he pulled over in a parking lot and all of a sudden he was masturbating. I wasn't participating and I kept saying "Stop it. Let's get out of here. We could be arrested!" Finally a man was looking at the car and he said "He just wants to watch!" I insisted we leave.

Let's say he's just full of surprises.

More time went by. The last time I saw him I was walking down the street and heard someone calling "Hey Little Girl!"  He was in his van. (He has two cars and a van.) He didn't remember my name and I'm no little girl and he wanted me to get in. I kept walking and did not get in. I remembered the time I got into the van and he wanted me to get into the back.

I haven't responded to his texts or e-mails that say things like "I'm worried about you." 

I don't want his friendship. I actually feel ashamed of myself for being a mature woman who was fooled. But ever since that day where he called out "Hey Little Girl", thinking back on remarks he made like that he was having too much "fun" and was in his van sleeping in the next town for a week even he has an apartment in our town. I have this sick gut feeling that he might be driving around and trying to pick up females, who he will get sexual with, that he may molest or rape, since he is either always seductive or doesn't get no right away.

Is there anything I can do? I mean to have him checked out?

Nance

Los Angeles County

ADVICE FROM MISSY

Nance, 

I don't know if he's a sexual predator in general or focused on underaged girls or simply thinks he is seductive and adventurous but you are far from comfortable with him. That discomfort has translated to a suspicion that he may actually be picking up women in his van and that "Hey Little Girl" could be that he's preying up women, offering rides, even very young girls. I get it. Chances are the way he has been with you is the way he's been with other women.

I suggest you block his phone number and e-mail without any commentary or response. We think he just wants to assure himself you're still in his life in some way. 

We also think that should you run into him again and he asks if he can give you a ride or whatever, keep saying no. 

We get the small town aspect of this. Telling him you're involved with someone else - lying basically - can backfire on you because there might be a good man who is interested you and a healthy relationship who might hear you have a boyfriend when you don't. If you see him, therefore, and he is any way wants to reconnect, just be simple and say, "I'm not available." If he presses you say you have moved on. Don't give details or make up a boyfriend who does not exist.

As for reporting him to the authorities, other than your own experience, which you as an adult female participated in, you have no proof. We are strong knowing that even a husband, steady boyfriend, or date can be a rapist. What we don't know is if perhaps he actually has a prior record. I ran a search on Google using the terms Los Angeles and Sexual Predator and I see there may be someone to talk to about your suspicions. 

Maybe someone who knows more about this can talk with you and refer you?

DHS GOV - HOW TO REPORT  

***

Call the Los Angeles Police Department's non-emergency number at (877) 275-5273 to report an individual who abused you and to press charges, if applicable. Call and ask if there is anyone local you can speak to in the sex crimes unit.

***

THIS IS THE NATIONAL SEX OFFENDER WEB SITE. You can possibly use it to see if he has been convicted in the past!

NSOPW GOV (SEX OFFENDER LOOK UP)

Next time you meet a man who interests you, meet up with him a number of times in a brief and friendly way, such as having coffee, or in a group of friends, before you spend time just the two of you, and allow some time before you go past the goodbye kiss. It's not about being old fashioned or conservative, it's about being self protective.

Missy

PS: Check out Cassandra Peterson's book Yours Cruelly Elvira and the month I dedicated to her!

November 2023

THE THEFT OF CHOICE : SPECIAL EDITION of MISTRESS MANIFESTO  FEATURING CASSANDRA PETERSON 

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot All Rights reserved including Internet and International Rights

MARTHE DE FLORIAN : REMAINS A MYSTERIOUS COURTESAN THOUGH A LOVELY FICTION BOOK HAS BEEN WRITTEN ABOUT HER

In search of a biography of Marthe De Florian, without success, I ordered this fiction book which was written by Alyson Richman, who is said to have done research on the mysterious woman herself.

The Velvet Hours is a lovely book but I didn't know how much was fiction and how much was fact I could depend upon. I wanted to could elect Marthe as a Mistress of the Month but there just wasn't enough. The story, as it is written by Richman, suggests that Martha DeFlorian was supported by a man, "Albert," into her late thirties, which only ended at his death, and that he provided for her everything needed as well as luxuries. Like many of my readers, I was amazed to learn through the media that a descendent of Marthe's inherited her Paris apartment that had been locked and left "as is" after her death. The most amazing thing about the apartment was a glorious painting of Marthe that "Albert" had commissioned. It was painted by  Boldini and in it the beautiful woman wears the jewelry and gown he bought her. She might have had a sexless flirtation with the artist.  However, other newsy accounts suggest that she was a Courtesan who had a number of wealthy patrons or providers.

Like other women who became Mistresses that I've covered here at Mistress Manifesto, the woman had a child young who was given over for someone else to raise, a son. With the severe limits on what a woman could do to support herself, she started as a seamstress.

Mathilde Héloïse Beaugiron 

1864 – 1939

Painted when she was about twenty-four years old.

Other artists also painted her but this masterpiece is worth 

at least three million dollars - maybe four.

It is possible that "Albert" renamed Marthe.

Other books have been written about her .... Other bloggers have tried to capture the woman and her moment. Marthe was secluded while her man was alive.  After his death she became more social. Her apartment was found looking as it had in 1939 in 2010. 

OFF THE RECORD BY TONY JONES - WORD PRESS - MARTHE DE FLORIAN  is also a fictive imagining of a memoir or diary excerpt written by Tony.  I enjoyed reading this!

ISSUU - THE CHAP (Beautiful photos of the apartment and more interesting information.)

Excerpt:  There was also a remarkable psyche console (a kind of dresser); drawers full of letters; a multitude of trinkets; faded lace and even an extravagant stuffed ostrich in the entrance. Try to imagine the amazement of Maitre Olivier Choppin de Janvry upon discovering this place, entirely frozen in its 1900 state.

Everything was made of quiet luxury and voluptuousness, all in the full rococo style so typical of Paris at the turn of the century. Through the grey fog of dust and the saturated atmosphere, a bright life could be imagined. An existence frozen in time, not unlike the hands of time on the dial of the small golden alarm clock, situated in the middle of hairbrushes and mignonette perfumes. Ming vases and Louis XVI shepherdesses were shaded by dusty curtains with shell prints. The first time he entered this chamber, Maitre Choppin de Janvry made a spatio-temporal journey that the Situationists would have described as psychogeographical; entering this apartment, untouched

Mignonette perfumes under a carpet of 100-year-old dust...

Missy here!  If you know of a biography or memoir about Marthe, please leave me a comment with the title or location!

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

THE STEREOTYPE OF A KEPT WOMAN : CAROLE TREGOFF NO - MARTHA DE FLORIAN YES

MISTRESS LIFESTYLE ?

The short tenure and terms and conditions of Carole Tregoff as Dr. Bernard Finch's Mistress - in waiting to be Wife number three - and in hopes of wealth enough to collaborate in a murder plot - while she worked as an assistant or as a waitress at a Vegas casino-restaurant - defies the stereotypes of a Mistress.  For a Mistress has long assumed to be a Kept Woman, a woman who "does not have to work" because her man is fully supporting her and he can do that because he's rich.

Today, that notion is blurred by economic realities these days. 

However, I do want to give a little time this month to Marthe de Florian, who was most certainly Kept. She may have been Kept by more than one man, but not too many, and one of them, who was likely the Love of Her Life, provided for her after his death...

Missy

MMMMMMMM

 

DOCTOR BERNARD FINCH SERVED ELEVEN ? YEARS : LET OUT IN 1971

It's TRUE! I THINK HE GOT OFF EASY CONSIDERING....  WHAT DO YOU THINK? LEAVE A COMMENT!

image from Open Clipart Library

NEW YORK TIMES : 1971 RELEASE OF DR. BERNARD FINCH

 Aug. 18, 1971

Excerpt:  SACRAMENTO, Calif., Aug. 17 (AP) — Dr. R. 13ernard Finch was ordered released on pa role today, from a life term In the slaying of his wife. Approached about jobs in Missouri, Nebraska and Maryland. The Missouri offer was from a small rural community that wanted him to operate a small hospital and clinic.

His sweetheart at the time of the slaying Carole Tregoff, was paroled in 1969 from the same sentence.

The eight-member California Adult Authority granted the once-wealthy Finch parole in his second bid for freedom since he entered prison 10 years after three sensational trials.  he will be released December 5.

Excerpt: Henry Kerr, chairman of the Adult Authority Board, said that Finch had been approached about jobs in Missouri, Nebraska, and Maryland. The Missouri offer was from a small rural community that wanted him to operate a small hospital and clinic.

Finch's medical license was revoked in California. It can be reinstated by another state, Mr. Kerr said...