KOSHER ADULTERY by SHMULEY BOTEACH : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

KOSHER ADULTERY by  RABBI SHMULEY BOTEACH

"Seduce and Sin With Your Spouse"

If you are a MARRIED COUPLE, it's KOSHER (OK) to play at FANTASY ADULTERY to keep your romance, or perhaps more accurately, the married sex, interesting.  So says this American Orthodox rabbi, who has authored 30 books, has media presence, and is a public speaker. He also wrote, Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy, published in 1999, which was quite successful.

I'll just give you the ideas he presents in his book:  You can play at sex by pretending to be different people.  You can write secret love letters, as if from other people...  (As I was reading this I was thinking of one friend of mine who seemed to get a rise out of her husband every time she mentioned that she went somewhere (the grocery store - anywhere she went without him) and some strange man was looking at her, or tried to pick her up.  She's pretty but she mostly lied to make him jealous!  Since I hate things like that being done to me, manipulations, I myself would never do this!)

But I have to tell you, I think what the Rabbi recommends is the slippery slope to actual cheating. I think this is what the ASHLEY MADISON SCANDAL has been about.  I still think that many, if not most of the people who actually paid a MEMBERSHIP to go look around and see who they might cheat with on that site, were having a FANTASY.  Tell you what.  Men used to just go out to lunch, sit in the town square, and watch the pretty girls go by.  (Being married never stopped people from noticing other people's beauty or being attracted to others.  You can always "Window Shop" but not "Buy" they used to say.)

I wonder... Is sex really so important?

My opinion is, it's more civilized to have a Mistress, than sleep around. I wonder, is all this fantasy just the "slippery slope" to real adultery?


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A MISTRESS AND A WIFE FIGHT OVER A PAINTING : MISTRESS RUTH KLIGMAN

Vanity Fair - September issue - devotes an article to the story - and so I elect artist Jackson Pollock's mistress Ruth Kligman, as September's Mistress of the Month. As I've said before, there are plenty of historical mistresses, but there are also plenty of modern-day mistresses and they keep making the news if not history!

You know, most Americans claim to loath mistresses. While gay pride parades go happily down the street, the mistress is hidden away. It's presumed that the man is married, that he's rich, that it's heterosexual, that it's "just a fling," that he has a madonna - whore complex. Mistresses are called "home-wreckers," even though the marital relationship may have been "wrecked" for years. Sometimes these things are true, but mistresses are too common for them to always be true. For some people being in a love triangle is simply an alternative lifestyle. It's not for everyone. It's not always for long. And some common ordinary, even conservative women, have found themselves there when they least expected it would ever happen to them.

Despite the denial, films, books, and news about mistresses are just so interesting. Maybe it's just a great fantasy for some people. Maybe it's a lot about sex. Maybe the fiction mistress is safely far far away in a make believe place that even a wife enjoys the read. It's when a mistress isn't make believe that the uproar often starts.

Reading author's like psychologist Dr. Toni Grant, we learn that there is a bit of "Courtesan" in every woman, if she chooses to coax it out. Reading Rabbi Shmuley Boteach we learn that married couples can keep their relationship alive by pretending affairs. Reading Robert Greene we learn seduction is an art and science and philosophy.

Some of our mistresses have lives that are cautionary tales. Some have had a great ride and don't want to get off the roller coaster.

Linking to an interview of author Leslie M. M. Blume, whose Vanity Fair article introduces us to artist Jackson Pollock, his wife, and his mistress!

C 2012 Missy Rapport/ Mistress Manifesto All Rights Reserved ; International : Internet

RABBI SMULEY BOTEACH ADVISES KOSHER ADULTERY TO AFFAIR PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE : OPINION MY MISSY

I've just finished reading KOSHER ADULTERY by Shmuley Boteach. This famous Jewish author, who previously wrote KOSHER SEX, an international best seller, is advising that husband and wife play games with each to keep sex like it is supposed to be in an adulterous affair - always "hot."

Now, perhaps sexual attraction is a predominant motivation for having an affair, but by my way of thinking it is not the only motivation and by my way of thinking sex alone never kept any relationship going. What is probably more true that sexual attraction is the way most relationships of the romantic kind start. If you're not really attracted or the attraction doesn't remain intense, then maybe you become and stay friends. By my way of thinking many husbands and wives become friends and stay together through the years for other reasons, such as family pride, raising children, or finances.

In fact I think the primary motivation for affairs is emotional not sexual. I tend to think that if a relationship is solid it is impervious to affairs and that people are looking for more than great sex in relationships. In particular they want to be loved, yes, "for themselves."

Don't laugh.

I know you can all come up with examples of people who are unlovable but who expect to be loved for themselves, despite their bad, even gross, habits, inability to make a buck, or some other loathsome or questionable characteristic.

Any time you feel sorry for yourself in a relationship because the love of your life is a little too much this (hardworking, spoiled, or selfish?) or not enough of that (beautiful, athletic, or rich?) you meet someone who has it worse or better! You have to be really motivated to stay in any relationship for many years and we can't help but do a little comparison shopping from time to time, but maybe we're better prepared for our own headaches rather than taking on someone else's?

I thought I would excerpt some parts of the book that I thought of as especially worth sharing, especially because John Edwards and Reilly Hunter will be all the news this month.

Missy

C 2012 Missy Rapport/ Mistress Manifesto All Rights Including Internet and International Rights