LISA SEE : PEONY IN LOVE : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK RECOMMENDATION

 

The exclusive world of the Emperor's Concubines that we've been exploring in the dramatic story of EMPRESS DOWAGER CIXI this month, is a world in which women are controlled from birth to death and even those who manage to manipulate their way to the top have to do so within restrictive protocols.

 

Present day mistresses are often assumed to be in wait to be a man's next legal wife, but while reading Peony in Love, one of a few books by author Lisa See that I've read that are based on the old Chinese or Chinese-Americans, I realized that for some Mistresses as was the case for some Chinese Concubines, there was freedom in not being a wife.

 

Did you know that a Chinese man's concubine's were considered to be his property even in the afterworld?

Lisa See's novel is based on the way of life that the Chinese lived in the 17th century and her main character is a the only child and daughter of a wealthy man who's own marriage is arranged. Kept secluded and far from the facts of life, she dreams of romance and passion with a man of her own choosing.

Her own father has concubines and all such girls, when imagining what the man they have been arranged to marry will be like, knows that the concubines are freer than they are.

Page 37

"Since marriages were arranged and neither the bride or the groom had any say in the match, concubines were every wife's fear. Husbands fell in love with concubines. They came together by choice, had no responsibilities, and would delight in each other's company, while marriages were a matter of duty and a way to provide sons who, in time, would perform rites in the ancestral hall."

The story is richly written, and set in a crucial time, about 1644, when the Ming dynasty fell and the Quing, lead by the Manchus, began, and the country is in turmoil. This crisis became an opportunity for some women to lead a freer and more expressive life in China before life became more repressive again and women did take the opportunity.

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CHINA'S EMPRESS DOWAGER CIXI : MISTRESS OF THE MONTH SEPTEMBER 2015

 

EMPRESS DOWAGER CIXI

(1835- 1908)

 

Loved this book and you will too if you if you're interested in Chinese history and the

rise of a woman from concubine to a behind the scenes Ruler of China.

 

Imagine being twelve years old - maybe fourteen.  You have no say about your life at all.  You must obey your father - your parents - your family.  They can even tell you to commit suicide and you will follow through.  You've been raised to be obedient.  And you cannot be married to someone of your own choosing, or married at all, until you are paraded before the Emperor along with many other girls, brought to the Forbidden City on carts. 

 

If he rejects you, you go home to your family.  If  he chooses you, you go home for a year or so, until you are called to him.  If he (or his mother) chooses you to be one of his many concubines, then you must live segregated in a harem with the rest of the women at the back of the immense Forbidden City, where you may live a life of loneliness, or rise, step by step, to be a person of privilege, maybe even his favorite.  Only one young woman is chosen to be the Empress, his wife, and he may not even be the one to choose her. 

 

Chosen for the harem, you will not choose your own décor, clothing, or food,  as all of it is regulated to announce status.  What colors of silk, how many flowers in your hair, how high your shoes, how many cooked chickens for eating; everything is dictated.  You may or may not get along with the other women and girls. 

 

There are eight rungs on the ladder of the imperial consorts and if you are Cixi you begin on rung six.  You may never rise higher. 

 

Cixi did rise, because she was submissive and well liked by the Empress. 

 

She learned as his wife had, that the Emperor, called "The Limping Dragon," loves sex.  He increases the numbers of his consorts.  He also brings in prostitutes with bound feet and even goes outside for pleasure.

For two years Emperor Xianfeng paid no attention to Lan, a name not of her choosing, at all. Born in 1835, she entered the harem on June 26, 1852. It was his wife, Empress Zhen, who took a great liking to her, protected her, and raised her rank slightly until she requested to be renamed, from then on to be called Cixi. 

The Empress Zhen and the lowly concubine Cixi became great friends.  When he died, though not officially his mother, though she gave birth to him, Cixi's son became the Emperor and she and The Empress became "The Two Dowager Empresses" who, still confined to the back of the palace, and sitting unseen behind a yellow screen, basically ruled China until the son was married and had his own marriage.  Then the son died, only a couple years later of smallpox, and on his deathbed he asked the women to continue their role as advisors to the council.  They wanted to keep it going that way. 

In 1871 Cixi chose the three year old son of her sister to be the next Emperor.  The Empress Zhen died ten years later and so Cixi delayed his marriage until he was seething 19 year old. At that point she retired to the Sea Palace and kept herself entertained by designing her clothing and jewelry and having live operas performed for her entertainment.  She had servants holding her cigarettes and umbrellas.  It was not enough for this powerful woman. By 60 she was wearing wigs over her balding head and had lost heart. 

As history goes, she would never find great peace.  China would experience the Taiping and Boxer Rebellions, wars with France and Japan, as well as the invasion of Allied troops, including Great Britain and the United States, during her life time.

Though she may have been selected for being a obedient and unopinionated when just a girl, Cixi became hated. She had chosen a wife for the new Emperor Guangxu, who had been born her sister's son. This wife was the Empress Longyu who had been, at marriage, a 21 year old spinster, an older woman.  At his death she would do the honorable thing and commit suicide, leaving his favorite concubine Pearl to fend for herself.  At 64, Cixi, in an escape fleeing the Forbidden City in the year 1900, ordered Pearl to commit suicide.  When Pearl wouldn't, she was tossed down a well.

Cixi lived exiled with a large group of other aristocrats and servants in Xian, but remained a ruler of China, and a secret feminist, hating the inequality that women experienced in China and the attitudes against them.  Though she was aging, the Emperor Guangxu was a feeble man.  They returned to Beijing in about 1901-1902.  She died in 1908.

Of great interest to me was the power of these two women in their political alliance, which they had to handle so carefully so as to not be accused of treason, and which was immense.  This is the story of strong women and weak men.  Yet, they were women, and not free to live entirely as they liked however rich and privileged they had become.  When lonely and young as a widow, Cixi had taken one lover, a eunuch, and when he was beheaded she had a breakdown, and never took a lover again.  Unable to have more children as a Dowager, he strove to put those who were blood related to her and family on the throne of China, with failure.

C 2015 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot/ Missy Rapport  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE KEPT? A COURTESAN? A MISTRESS? TO HAVE A HIGH COURTESAN ASPECT TO YOUR PERSONALITY? MISSY SPEAKS!

When you write a blog called Mistress Manifesto (on Google BlogSpot ) for several years as I've been doing, you wrangle with the question of what it means to be Kept, or what if any difference there is between a Courtesan and a Mistress!   When I profile Dally the Tall I have no doubt that she was a Courtesan because of the times that she lived in as well as the high art of her presentation and personality and the limitations of her ambitions. 

In other cases I'm not so sure.

Of the three words, I think the one the media overuses and uses incorrectly is Mistress.  A woman in any old affair, even if it was just one night, can be called a Mistress in the media if the man she's involved with is married.  (For instance, I don't think the once playful Monica Lewinsky was ever President Bill Clinton's mistress and I would never apply that word to Marilyn Monroe, as confused as she was, though I think both women had a high courtesan aspect to their personalities.)  Now that there are so many people who consider themselves committed living apart or who never marry legally, the question of ADULTERY as a key to Mistresshood doesn't count so much.  Some relationships are so OPEN that Mistressing seems to be downright OLD FASHIONED, what with all that sneaking around!

Mistress is also used to imply that a person is a dominatrix, or at least powerful in the classroom as a teacher or as the owner of independent estate.  I'm sure some people have been looking for a dominatrix when they happened upon my blog!  I note that in this case the MISTRESS IS POWERFUL and IN CHARGE.  Since so many women are not powerful or in charge this mistress can become quite the fantasy for women, especially because she does this and is still feminine though not weak.

So then we look at what it means to be KEPT and that word seems to imply CONCUBINAGE!  When we say someone is KEPT there are always financial implications, like that the person does not work for pay at anything and are totally dependent on someone else for their needs. It is the financial evidence that we are looking for and it's the financial evidence that makes the news and pushes previously low key mistresses into the public eye.

This one is tricky too because not so long ago most MARRIED WOMEN WERE KEPT WOMEN.  They stayed in the home and were "home-makers" or their work was as mothers and wives but they did not go out and earn any pay.  As married women they were respected for this, even honored.  These days most women work or if they are living off savings, an inheritance, or unexpected windfall, they write a novel or do volunteer work.  These days most women do not want to ask a husband for money to buy everything they want or need. They don't want to go behind his back or be tricky to buy a new dress.  They are almost embarrassed to let a man pay for everything on a date.  They are trying to prove to a man that they do not need him or that they are not less than him, at least not less than him financially.  "I don't need you!" she seems to be saying.

With the financial dependence most often for women that means she is COMMITTED TO HIM and their RELATIONSHIP even if he is not so much to her.  Such a woman may decide to not date others or have sex with others even when he has not given her such a commitment.  (It is my suspicion that this was the case with poor L'Wren Scott.)

The ability to admit to need and the willingness to allow someone else to help them financially without embarrassment or apology is where today's Kept Woman or Mistress or Courtesan prevails.  This is also an old fashioned aspect of relationship with so much opportunity for independence today. It can even be an act of great self esteem and self acceptance to admit to someone that yes you can accept their generosity and no you are not an opportunist or user.  You will really appreciate it.  And do well with it.

Another way to find meaning in these words is in the personality of a person.

What does it mean to have a High Courtesan Aspect to your personality? 

Why are people who have this so appealing to other people? 

Well, people with this aspect to their personality know how to have fun.  They can be silly or sweet.  They can be childlike and have wonder about the world even as they get older and older. They know how to seize the moment or the day.  They see the beauty in things and they make themselves and their surroundings beautiful.  They are apt to be a little too forgiving and to make excuses for people and to keep things light.  This light heartedness is contagious. They are apt to see the glass half full rather than half empty.  They can't stay mad for too long.  They give perceptive and sincere compliments. 

There is a certain happiness to being able to make do, to invent.  Even when they can't afford a decorator their pillows are fluffed and there are guest soaps in the bathroom.

When things are going badly they get up and do the next day anyway, because they have faith that change is inevitable but it will all turn out well enough. 

Often they are the ones who make things happen for others, the job interviews, the dinner parties, the group to the opera, the event at the museum, or the little gift they picked up for you at a garage sale that is just perfect!

Missy

C Missy Rapport/ Mistress Manifestto.blogspot.com  2014  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

IN CHINA MISTRESSING IS BUSINESS AND BETTER THAN WORKING LIKE A SLAVE IN A FACTORY

DAILY BEAST : INSIDE CHINA'S MISTRESS INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX full article,

Increasingly, young migrant women turn to hostessing in karaoke bars, a form of prostitution that creates a pool of potential mistresses looking to improve their financial security.

It is difficult to make moral judgments with a broad brushstroke. As long as the mistress business involves adults with sound minds and without coercion or intimidation, one could argue that the exchange of company and sex for money is not that fundamentally different from selling one’s manual labor or mental capacity.

Iris doesn’t appear to have moral qualms about having a relationship with a married man. “It was a little weird at the beginning, but I got over it quickly.” She says she assumed his wife was middle-aged and not attractive, and didn’t ask any questions about her. “Morally, if he didn’t care, why should I? I am not obligated to another woman’s happiness.”

THE LAW : PHILLIPINES MAKES CONCUBINAGE PUNISHABLE WITH PRISON (FOR THE MAN)

What is the current law about a husband who lives with another woman?  The subject makes the advice columns.  Here's an article from the Manila Times.

HUSBAND WHO LIVES WITH MISTRESS LIABLE FOR CONCUBINAGE by by PERSIDA ACOSTA link to article.

EXCERPT : "As provided for under Article 334 of the Revised Penal Code, “Any husband who shall keep a mistress in the conjugal dwelling, or shall have sexual intercourse, under scandalous circumstances, with a woman who is not his wife, or shall cohabit with her in any other place, shall be punished by prision ... The concubine shall suffer the penalty of destierro.”

You may likewise consider filing a complaint for violation of the provisions of Republic Act (R.A.) No. 9262, otherwise known as the “Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act of 2004.” This law penalizes the commission of abusive acts against a woman and her child. Since your husband is neglecting his responsibilities and he refuses to provide support for you and your children, as you have mentioned in your letter, you have a cause of action against him. As provided for under Section 5, id, “The crime of violence against women and their children is committed through any of the following acts: (i) Causing mental or emotional anguish, public ridicule or humiliation to the woman or her child, including, but not limited to, repeated verbal and emotional abuse, and denial of financial support or custody of minor children or access to the woman’s child/children.” Your husband may suffer the penalty of prision mayor if found to be guilty of the aforementioned crime (Section 6 (f), id).

As to your question relative to bigamy, please be informed that you cannot file a complaint for bigamy against your husband..."

THE PEARL CONCUBINE : ZHEN FEI

Guang Xu

JANUARY 2011 : MISTRESSES OF THE MONTH : THE CHINESE CONCUBINES & MISTRESSES

This month we are looking at a category of mistressing that has taken place in another country and culture, China. The term concubine, is most commonly used.

Fiction and Non-Fiction about "Oriental" Mistresses is read here in the Western world as if these women were and are "other," as if their lives and the way they lived (and live) has nothing to do with ours. Historically Chinese men had many wives as well, and Judaic-Christianity was not the dominating religious factor while Confucius held sway. So came a social system that kept people in check based on where their social positions and the responsibilities that came with it. By today's Western standards Chinese women were some of the most dominated and repressed women ever, women of little value. Now China's one child policy has created a situation in which many men may never marry or father. Some Chinese men are sending to Korea for wives!

Yet, what we have in common with these Chinese mistresses, is what we have in common with all women (and it could be said all people who are not in power), the need to survive and society's dictates which make it difficult at times and sometimes impossible without relationships that involve sex, legal or not, acceptable to the majority or not.

Because Mistressing was not as underground or in the closet there and then in China than it is here and now, wives came to understand the role of mistresses in their lives. For some having a husband who had other wives and/or mistresses was a welcome feature of their married life, for others a misery.

One of the features of multiple wife and/or mistress lifestyle is that with so many women, it is a rare man who can provide for all sexually. Multiple wives in some cultures have reported that they were less "bothered" for sex by their mutual husband, and they had more freedom, independence, and child-care helpers, than women married to one man.

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