TRIAD : JEFFERSON AIRPLANE

TRIAD : JEFFERSON AIRPLANE from post July 5 2009

Written by Grace Slick and David Crosby, this old song isn't just for old hippies...

A NEW HUSBAND AND KENYA : IDINA SACKVILLE and CHARLES GORDON

Since Euan had taken lovers, Idina Sackville thought she might also. If this was not revenge or evening the score, then it was because she loved sex and had been sex starved young woman as a wife whose husband was away most of the time. She started an affair with Charles Gordon and the couple were so open about it at one point they moved into a hotel together; Not the discretion required of a Lady who had been presented as a debutant at Court. So, it was thought best if she did not attend her sister's wedding as though she might bring bad luck to that marriage. 

Meanwhile Euan Wallace, though at least as much to blame for the ending of their marriage, remained close with her family, serving as the best man at the wedding, which unlike their own wedding, was a large and expensive and thus publicly acknowledged one. The wedding tweaked him to think a bit about his own marriage and the pending decision he awaited. He had given Idina two weeks to consider making another go of their marriage but in fact he had Barbie waiting for him, even if his intention was to continue to socialize and meet others. Idina held firm. She took the blame. He was granted a divorce based on Idina's infidelity, not his. The agreement included that the children would go to Euan. Weeks after the divorce Idina married Charles Gorden at the Chelsea Register Office, a simple civil ceremony. Weeks after that the couple headed for Kenya, then called British East Africa - Mombasa - the sea front and then Happy Valley - to establish a farm.

First roughing it by living in tents, then building a camp, as the couple walked and road around land purchased and made their plans for the future there in Africa, the excitement of the new adventure gave way to the realization that even though the cost of doing so was small compared to costs in England, it would require hard, hands-on work that they themselves would need to do even with all the inexpensive labor locally available. 

When they traveled on safaris, with porters carrying their belongings, they hunted Big Game, though often killing an elephant or other wild creature in its own habitat was thought of as self-protection. Idina was active on the hunt and shot animals as well as the men. She was comfortable with the lifestyle there in Africa and began a life-long love affair with the country. Back from such adventures, the new couple began to build a single-story house to settle in, a small, efficient house compared to the estates they were used to in England. Their plans would take time.

Then this second marriage began to come undone. Euan had been extremely active in life, getting things done, while Charles seemed lazy in comparison.  From his viewpoint, the problem was that Idina was a 'nymphomaniac.'  She took lovers even when he was around. 

By February of 1920, married only ten months, Idina left hot Africa for the cold of winter in England.  It had been a year since her divorce from Euan Wallace, who was still single.  He had been socializing in America, associating with some of America's richest and most prestigious families.  Was she hoping society would forgive her and allow her back in as a divorced woman?  Did she hope to get back into a relationship with him or miss her children? As it turned out, it was completely over between Idina and Euan. Even Euan had experienced being less than desirable in the marriage market. Euan proposed to Barbie and she accepted, breaking with her fiancée who was not nearly as rich. Barbie and Euan retained their friendship with Idina's sister.

EXCERPT : "It is one thing to close a door behind you. It is quite another to have somebody else lock it shut from the other side,  particularly if the person wielding the key is the woman with whom your husband fell in love when he was married to  you. To aggravate the situation, Idina would be expected to be grateful to Barbie for agreeing to stay in England and bring up her sons, while Idina had adventures abroad.  And now that her boys had a new mother there could be no question of Idina maintaining any contact with them whatsoever.  To do so would be regarded as destabilizing to the children, selfish of Idina, and unfair on Barbie, who had to establish her own relationship wit them." (Page 130 of the paperback.)

Now called British Crown Colony of Kenya, the country was booming. Her absence while in England had not made Charles Gordon's heart grow fonder.  Idina got busy going on safari's inviting other women as guests including famous aristocratic sports women who desired challenges previously unthinkable for women to attempt or achieve.  These were often other women who were also getting divorces. These women were, in my opinion, empowering themselves and making the way easier for other women. Most were rich in their own right.

In November 1921, having technically been married to Charles Gordon near another year, the twenty-eight year old Idina went back to London.  It could be said that she had lost near everything she could have had staying with Euan Wallace, and it was a changed London, not much like the Edwardian Era she had been raised in.

EXCERPT:  'This desire to overturn every previous code of behavior over-flowed into all areas of both the public and the private domain.  In restaurants the young crowd were louder, attempted to drink more champagne than anyone had before, and danced on the tables, the women sometimes wearing nothing under floating skirts.  Nudity was all the rage.  Women appeared in transparent dresses.  A fashion began for receiving guests while still in the bath and then openly and slowly dressing in front of them..."  (Page133 of the paperback.)

This time being divorced was not the shame and ruin it had once been and several of Idina's society women friends had been divorced. But there lingered the problem that a woman was not supposed to be the one to leave a marriage.

EXCERPT: "Society outlawed and branded a wicked woman. Idina clearly decided she might as well be as bad as she could.  She had her hair shingled to razor-thin shortness at the back and painted her fingernails green.  With her new pet, the serval cat*, on a leash, she stayed out all night and slept all day... " (Page 135 of the paperback.)

* a wild cat she took as a pet in Africa  Idina had once made the rounds carrying a black Pekinese dog she named Satan.

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Excerpts are from The Bolter, a book by Frances Osborne

SHE NEVER STOLE A HUBAND

"However many lovers she would have in the years that followed, it was said of her that she never stole another woman's husband but might pick them up if they were lying around.  To Idina 'left lying around' would show itself to mean either sanctioned by their wives to sleep with whomever they chose, or abandoned by wives traveling abroad.  it would not mean husbands who were at loose ends while their wives were sick."

From page 105 paperback The Bolter by Frances Osborne

Missy here: I think this is an important distinction. Her first husband had gone off partying when she was sick and still in love with him.

LADY IDINA SACKVILLE : MARRIAGE GONE WRONG

According to author Frances Osborne, who by the way is the great grand-daughter of  Lady Idina Sackville,  the 'Bolter' started out in a first marriage to one of the richest and most eligible bachelors in Britain. David Euan Wallace, with the expectations of the Edwardian era aristocracy.  Despite her family having a bit of a tainted reputation because of the unconventional doings of her mother, Muriel, Countess De La Warr, Idina was presented as a debutant at Court and married.  Soon enough Idina had two sons, fulfilling her womanly role to provide heirs. 

Marriage was for the protection of property and inheritances and, having provided these two sons, by the standards of her peers, a woman could have affairs just like her husband, as long as absolute discretion was kept. Any children conceived with other men would be raised as though they were the sons of her husband. The precedent had been set when the then Prince of Wales and his friends met at the Marlborough House and indulged themselves. They were called The Marlborough Set. What was good for them was good for the aristocracy.

Then World War I broke out and everything changed.

Although men from the upper classes were monied and educated and heading for tremendous careers if they chose to work, or like Euan Wallace, intended to serve in the Calvary which was self-financed, they did not shy away from military service. They wanted to be part of England's role in World War I. Euan went to war and was wounded with shrapnel while serving in Belgium. Perhaps it was being so close to death and violence, but when he came back a couple months after Idina had given birth to their second son, he threw himself into having a good time. There was a man shortage true and he was still one of the richest young men in the country.  He found himself surrounded by women. Euan slept around and his lovers included Idina's women friends.You could say that the young husband had been informed by death and was trying to defy it by throwing himself into entertainments.  However, reading The Bolter, I got the impression that he was uninterested in maintaining a marriage or being a father, that he was immature.

He especially went for Barbie, a younger woman who wanted a rich husband and kept herself for marriage and just out of his intimate reach. Until recently single women could not go out without chaperones and there she was, available, but not too available. She and other friends saw him off as he returned to the war. Idina was left behind.

Idina didn't want to play the possessive and demanding wife but he left her home sick to have a good time. It was clear they were leading separate lives and that he'd moved on. He thought so little of her that six weeks went by when he didn't write of her in his diary. She had been the good wife who had written to her soldier husband every day. Of course, some mutual friends were having a good time with him and were part of this problem, but he no longer even put Idina first in public as a good Edwardian husband was to do.

Idina decided to leave him rather than wait for him to leave her.  Married five years, she was only twenty-five years old in 1918.

On November 11th, Armistice Day, World War I was over, to everyone's' great relief. That day she wrote Euan and asked him for a divorce.

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The above book review-report post is the result of reading the book The Bolter from cover to cover.

DID THE POLYGAMOUS MORMON MISSIONARIES FIND CONVERTS AMONG POLYAMOROUS HAWAIIANS?

Today the Mormons go by the name Latter Day Saints and their church is called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

SUNSTONE MAGAZINE POLYGAMY AND THE EARLY MORMON HAWAII MISSION by John J. Hammond, who was a college professor.  (There's even an audio to listen to at this link!)

A very interesting article about the history of Mormon missionaries coming into Hawaii really.

Here's an EXCERPT:

Although Mormon Church leaders and many members had been secretly practicing polygamy since at least the early 1940's, Apostle Orson Pratt had made that practice public on 29 August 1852.  The news circulated the world in non-Mormon newspapers and created something of a sensation in the Sandwich Islands.

In a 16 March 1843 letter to Brigham Young, Hammond reported that the news about polygamy 'Does not create half the excitement which I had anticipated; the people appear as if some unseen hand had prepared them for it.  The (Hawaiian) government officers were not at all surprised at it but told us we would be narrowly watched, and if we were caught marrying two women to one man, they would be down heavy upon us; we told them that was not what we were sent out for, but to preach the gospel and to live in subjection to the (secular government) powers that be and to uphold them.

And Another:

In April 1854, Mormon Elder B.F. Johnson, who had been converted to polygamy by Joseph Smith (the founder of Mormonism) in the early 1840's, wrote an essay defending it against scathing attacks that were appearing in Honolulu newspapers.  When he could not find a newspaper that would publish it, he arranged to have it printed in San Francisco in the form of a twenty-six-page pamphlet, entitled WHY THE LATTER DAY SAINSR MARRY A PLURALITY OF WIVES; A GLANCE AT SCRIPTURE AND REASON. He distributed four hundred copies throughout the Islands, and was thrilled with the attention they received. "For many days," he wrote, "there was general excitement throughout the city (Honolulu) and had a thunderbolt fallen at the feet of our enemies, it would not have made a greater sensation."

***

Did the Hawaiian's accept Mormon Christianity because they understood Polyamorous lifestyle?  This article suggests just the opposite. I consider that only allowing a man to have many wives, but not allowing women to have many husbands, might have irked some of the Hawaii women.

April 2014 is the month in which I featured SISTER WIVES (Modern Mormon Polygamous couples) so check that out in my archives if you're interested in the man-sharing lifestyle!

DID A POLYAMOROUS POLYNESIAN HISTORY ACCOUNT FOR JANE LAHILAHI'S TAKE ON LIFE?

(Why does it seem that POLYAMOUOROUS relationships are considered to be either PRIMATIVE/ INDIGENOUS or EXTREMELY MODERN?)

POLYNESIA refers to Islands in the Pacific, some which are thousands of miles from others.  The Hawaiian Island chain, which formed due to volcanic eruption, is one of the largest group of Islands in the Pacific and considered to be extreme northern Polynesia. Speculation on how it is that groups of people managed to arrive there in canoes hundreds of years ago, goes on.

Culturally, the ancient Hawaiians practiced POLYAMORY - at least the term means LOVING MORE THAN ONE PARTNER.

In about 1820, however, Christian missionaries began to think Hawaii just might be the next place to convert the "natives." Following whaler boats and merchant ships, the missionaries of many faiths - Catholic, Mormon (Latter Day Saints), and various Protestant groups showed up, keen to establish missions and save souls from their Pagan ways.

What did they find?

According to multiple sites I referenced, Pre-Christian Hawaiians of both genders enjoyed the right to begin or end a sexual relationships, so we'd consider the women to be liberated in that way.  If you were Royal, a Chief or Chieftess, you had a marriage ceremony.  For common people being married was perhaps only understood as being someone's primary or longest held relationship. The birth of a child required a bit more celebration. Polygyny was normal for Chiefs, but not so much for the commoners. That might have had something to do with who was expected to raise or afford to raise a child, but everyone was living in extended family groups and raised children together, again blurring the definition of who is family for Westerners.  Neither matriarchal or patriarchal when it came to who went to live where, it was a pragmatic decision. Men, however, seemed to be the ones who owned land so I can imagine a man had say on who would be living on it.

I found the following site to be especially interesting: RANKERCOM' LOVE AND SEX IN ANCIENT HAWAII (PRE CHRISTIAN) by Rachel Souerbry

EXCERPTS:  

Siblings married frequently, all for the purpose of producing offspring with the most MANA or DIVINE LIFE FORCE.

Hi,uwai is a celebration held during the Hawaiian month of Weiehu, which cooresponds to the time period much of the world knows as November. Hi'uwai consists of a frenzied, splashing bath in the sea from midnight until daybreak, followed by a grand feast the next day.

Although the event is not overtly sexual, one observer in 1830 wrote that with all of the excitement the lavish and beautiful objects people had adorned themselves with, and the darkness all around, people became "attracted" to each other.

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SURVEY SUGGEST POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS ARE GAINING POPULARITY

DAILY MAIL ONE IN TEN PEOPLE HAVE BEEN IN POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP = MORE WANT TO BE 

EXCERPT:  About 10 percent o Americans have been in a polyamories relationship, a new study suggests. 

Researchers at Chapman University and the University of Indiana Bloomington surveyed adults about polyamory, which is when partners agree to have more than one partner at a time.

Unlike an open relationship, or swinging, polyamorist relationships are also emotional relationships with others, not just based on sex.

POLYAMORY : THE NEW LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS by DEBORAH M. ANAPOL : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVBIEW

  One of the things we do here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT is try to define Mistress, the role, and because the word is too often used to describe a woman who is the dominant one in an S and M relationship - or experience - I sometimes think I should have called this blog KEPT PEOPLE.  Once you start reading this blog, however, you know this is an ongoing discussion worthy of an college Woman's Studies class.  I bring this up because this book, Polyamory - the New Love Without Limits further challenged me. Focusing on agreements and compromise without a mention of the finances, I'm trying it all on.

What the author, Dr. Deborah M. Anapol, does most excellently is challenge the reader to ask themselves a whole lot of questions in order to define who you are and what you want ideally when it comes to relationships with one, two, three - even a whole group of people.  The book came out in 1997 and at that point Anapol had been helping people explore the New Paradigm of relationships for over a decade.  New Sexual Ethics.  Serial Monogamy?

She doesn't like serial monogamy.  She is opinionated to say; "Unlike lifelong monogamy, it (serial monogamy) allows us to express our polyamorous nature while maintaining a monogamous fiction in which our multiple mates are separated by linear time."  (Read that again...)

She warns us that Polyamory is not a synonym for promiscuity.  She points out the high percentage of affairs men and women have during marriage as full of lies, deceit, guilt, and broken commitments.

So are you ready to commit to TWO or MORE lovers?  (I'll bet some men who are keeping a mistress and reading this blog are ready to say YES!) To tell anyone you are about to get involved with the truth about yourself so they can decide if they want to continue with you?

Learn the difference between Open Relationships, having an Intimate Network, Group and Multilateral Marriage,  Swinging, Polyfidelity, and a Triad.

A few years ago I lived in a neighborhood that housed a Group Marriage.  It was actually two men and two women who considered themselves all married to each other.  They would leave - all four of them - arm in arm. I often wondered if that was to show the neighbors they were still intact.

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GOING ON AS THREE

STILL

THREE

PROFESSOR XIE ZOUSHI SUGGESTS POOR CHINESE MEN SHOULD SHARE A WIFE?! MISSY HAS SOME STRONG OPINIONS!

DAILY MAIL - CHINESE MEN SHOULD SHARE A WIFE?

(check out my previous posts on CHINESE MISTRESSES!  Use the search feature embedded in the side bar to search within this blog using the word China, or for September 2015  Chinese Empress Dowager Cixi, or for January of 2011, Chinese concubines and Mistresses!)

EXCERPT:

A Chinese economics professor has made the daring suggestion that China's poorest bachelors should group together and share a wife.

 

Xie Zuoshi, a professor at Zhejiang University of Finance in eastern China, made the proposal in a post on his personal blog reported People's Daily Online.
 

The post was in response to the recently unveiled statistics that predicted China will have 30 million more men than women by 2020...

MISSY'S OPINION!

 



China's one child policy, which resulted in MILLIONS of female fetuses being aborted in favor of having just one SON, this incredible and horrible sexism in Chinese culture (which used to be played out by forms of infanticide such as throwing female babies down wells or smothered to death simply because it used to be that the FIRST CHILD had to be a SON) has now resulted in about 30 MILLION MEN who have no choice of brides.  Possibly this is an economic problem only, but not probably.  Where there are so fewer WOMEN, women do have a greater choice of men. 

But a friend who once moved to ALASKA because she was so very tall, though beautiful, that she was not being asked on dates, came back to America and said, "There are men in Alaska but the problem is that Alaska is in the men..." 

I suspect that  while CHINESE WOMEN can be pickier than perhaps ever before, choosing a husband isn't only about money but also CLASS and TRADITION, such as parents doing the matchmaking, as well as issues such as PHYSICAL APPEARANCE and DISABILITY, and LOCATION, factoring in.

Maybe the Professor was being practical, but the article doesn't seem to mention what he thought WOMEN might think about HAVING TWO HUSBANDS in CHINESE CULTURE.  It's true that there have been some cultures in which a woman had two or even many husbands AT THE SAME TIME, all living together or close by, but I've taken the anthropology class; most often these men are BROTHERS and basically, she does NOT have to sexually satisfy ALL OF THEM.  Instead, the genetic and economic issue means that the brothers total a smaller number of children to support though this shared wife, because the WIFE is very much stuck at home doing FEMALE SPECIFIC work.  And if you sleep with a bunch of brothers, maybe none of them are going to know for sure that they are or are not the father of a certain child.

Also, American men are IMPORTING CHINESE WOMEN AS BRIDES to live here with them and become U.S. Citizens and wealthy Chinese women are also coming right here to HAVE 2nd and 3rd children!  (I recently saw a group of them being given a tour of a garden together, with one man who spoke some English as the guide.  How rare to see a bevy of young Chinese beauties, all seven or more months pregnant, sans wedding bands, walking through the garden!)  I've previously read that Chinese men are importing South Korean women to marry.

So if you happen to be a CHINESE MAN WITHOUT ANY PROSPECTS FOR MARRIAGE (or if you happen to be Professor Xie Zoushi), may I suggest that some people will have to LEAVE CHINA to marry? As in the history of the United States, a starting point is to find Cousins here in the U.S. to sponsor you!  Further, you may have to give up on the idea of marrying another person who appears Asian!  As there is a surplus of women all over the world who want to be married and who are attracted to men outside their own race or ethnicity, this is also a possibility. 

And, of course, some of you never married Chinese men, actually will prefer to remain unmarried, but have one or many Mistresses through your life time!  Just like the old Emperors!

Missy

 

STUDY SUGGESTS WOMEN BEING BISEXUAL IS BETTER FOR POLYGAMY

DAILY MAIL - FEMALE SEXUAL FLUIDITY REDUCES CONFLICT - MEN WITH MULTIPLE WIVES  by Cheyenne Macdonald For Dailymail.com

EXCERPT:  About the scientific opinion of Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa, Evolutionary psychologist.

The analysis revealed that women are more fluid in all of the proposed facets. 

And, the study confirmed his predictions, including one which proposed that women who experience increased levels of sexual fluidity have a larger number of children, and that women who experience marriage or parenthood early in adult life also experience increased levels of sexual fluidity.

 

The researcher says this suggests that women’s sexual fluidity may have been evolutionarily selected as one method for facilitating polygynous marriages, in which a husband can have more than one wife.

 

‘Even though humans have been mildly polygynous throughout evolutionary history, polygynous marriages are often characterized by conflict and tension among co-wives,’ Kanazawa writes.

 

‘I propose that occasional sex among cowives may have reduced such conflict and tension, and increased their reproductive success. Female sexual fluidity may have evolved as an adaptation to facilitate it.‘

 

The researcher also acknowledges earlier research which explains that historically, women left their homes in order to marry, while boys stayed in their natal groups for their whole lives.

 

OPINION from MISSY

 

Don't you just LOVE it when they call all the women who are sharing a man WIVES... 

I'd like to know more about this study.  For instance, did all the WOMEN who were sharing a man, live with him or even KNOW they were sharing him?  Don't you just LOVE it that they call bisexuality or POLYAMORY "fluidity?"

FOUR TO FIVE PERCENT OF PEOPLE IN THE UNITED STATES LIVE IN POLYAMOROUS CONSENTUALLY NONMONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP (SAY THAT WITH SOME MARBLES IN Y OUR MOUTH!)

LIVESCIENCE -POLYAMORY STIGMA LESSENS FAMILIARITY by Stephanie Pappas, Live Science Contributor  published on February 09, 2015  (Very Interesting!)


EXCERPT:

Polyamory's popularity

Polyamory is often confused with swinging, but the terms are not interchangeable. Unlike swingers, who go outside their primary relationship for sex only, polyamorous people maintain simultaneous romantic ties, all with the consent and knowledge of everyone involved.

It's unclear how many people identify themselves as polyamorous, but a 2013 study in the journal Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy estimated that between 4 percent and 5 percent of people in the United States are involved in some sort of consensually nonmonogamous relationship.
****
Missy here!  Compare that to stats on how many people are gay, bisexual, or lesbian, and well, you KNOW people who are polyamorous, though they may be in the closet.

LORD BATH (THE LOINS OF LONGLEAT) AND THIS 75 WIFELETS : ALEXANDER THYNN - THE 7TH MARQUESS OF BATH : MISTER OF THE MONTH!

Imagine, those of you who are eternally single and like to be alone. Imagine, those of you who are keeping just one or two relationships, what it's like to be 79 years old and have one legal wife, Anna Gael Gyarmathy, and approximately 74 wifelets! This is why our MISTER OF THE MONTH, ALEXANDER THYNN, THE 7th MARQUESS OF BATH, also called LORD BATH, is also called "The Loins of Longleat!"

Of course he's not legally married to more than one woman but this man has a reputation that puts the American publisher of Playboy magazine, Hugh Hefner, to shame! Why? Because Hefner, unlike Lord Bath, had one wife who he divorced, and some longer term relationships, and many - maybe thousands of lovers - and in recent years he's been seen with a number of interchangeable blonds who have lived with him but who are thought to be mostly props. Hefner 's made a lot of money on women, he's spent a lot of money on women, and he's had himself a harem, but Lord Bath gives a wifelet a cottage, supports her, and let's her stay the years, if she wants to: most of his wifelets are not at all the Playboy Bunny or model types. His wifelets are far more like mistresses. Lord Bath has great riches, an estate with a lot of land and many cottages. And women are still fighting over him! It's been in the news.

His one legal wife, Anna, has not divorced him. She mostly lives in France but comes and stays for a week or so a month. (This to is so like many wives who know and allow their husbands to have mistresses.) Together they have two children, the son predictably will inherit the estate and has taken over the business end of the estate.

When the Lord dies, quite possibly all the wifelets will have to go. How much you wanna bet that none of them will be truly stranded?