THE GIRL by MICHELLE MORGAN : MARILYN MONROE, THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH, and the BIRTH OF AN UNLIKELY FEMINIST

As this summer in early August, it will be 60 years since the actress Marilyn Monroe died of an overdose - or perhaps was murdered - a resurgence of film, documentaries, and books has occurred. This book by Michelle Morgan, published in 2018, is one of the first to look at the icon as something other than a victim.  Rather, Morgan points out the attempts to control her career that Monroe had taken in an era when she went against the norms by having a career, and not being the married, stay-at-home wife and mother. In many ways Monroe was born too soon.

Morgan starts out strong with this statement on page 10.

Excerpt: The Girl, titled after her character in the 1955 comedy The Seven Year Itch, tells the story of how that film transformed Marilyn Monroe from another Hollywood star into "The Girl" of modern times - a true icon - and sent her on an unparalleled adventure of self-discovery and reflection.  The years 1954-1956 were Marilyn's most powerful and inspirational, and it was during this time that her most substantial decisions were made. Before Itch, she had been known for her mostly fluffy, dumb-blonde roles, and she was unhappily married to baseball legend Joe DiMaggio.  By the time the film opened Marilyn was the president of her own film company, a student at New York Actor's Studio, and embroiled in a battle with Twentieth Century Fox that would eventually gain independence not only for herself, but others working under the constraints of the studio system too. Shortly after the release, she legally changed her name to Marilyn Monroe, thereby divorcing herself from the troubled past of Norma Jeane once and for all. Her rebellion was remarkable and exceptionally rare during a time when women were expected to strive to be fantastic homemakers and actresses had to accept every kind of behavior imposed upon them by their male bosses.

While Monroe had her detractors, I was surprised to learn that two of the women profiled here, Faith Domergue and Marilyn Maxwell, had nice things to say about Marilyn. 

Excerpt page 127 : Still, Marilyn did have her fair share of powerful female admirers who were always willing to come out in support of her.  One of these women was actress Faith Domergue. She took her complaints about ' clubwomen or jealous movie queens" straight to columnist Erskine Johnson, who published her views. "Nobody can hurt (Marilyn)," she said. "If she stays as she is, holding her ground, being herself, she will be on of the great stars of all time. Women may not approve of an actress, but as long as they're curious, they'll come to see her films and bring their men along too."  (The club she refers to s the Women's Club of Hollywood which apparently thought of themselves as moral arbitrators.)

Excerpt page 128 : One actress shared a name with her. though not by choice.  Marilyn Maxwell had become famous in the 1940's, and when she met the second Marilyn in 1948, she was stunned to hear of her desire to become a successful actress.  Maxwell suggested that she should change her name to something else so that the two of them did not get mistaken for each other. However,  Monroe had no intention of doing so, and for many years Maxwell was bombarded with fans who thought they were the one and the same. In the end, Maxwell gave a standard reply : "No, I'm not the Marilyn with clothes on." though no offense was meant and she actually did greatly admire Monroe. "I think she has done a great deal of good for the movie industry." she said. "She is just what this business needed -- someone to put some glamour and magic back into Hollywood."

If interested in FAITH DOMERGUE:  FAITH DOMERGUE :  HOWARD HUGHES FIFTEEN YEAR OLD MISTRESS : MISTRESS OF THE MONTH  May 2014, which you can find in my archives.  Or click on her name in the labels below.

If interested in MARILYN MAXWELL she is one of the women profiled in my month on comedic actor, Bob Hope.

MARILYN MAXWELL - FOUR YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH BOB HOPE - CALLED "MRS. BOB HOPE"  August 2015

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BEST WAY TO GET INTO A OPEN RELATIONSHIP? HONESTY : OPINION BY MISSY

What is the best way to get into an Open Relationship?  

This is my opinion.  

Just as I think some people one day find themselves in an extramarital relationship or being Kept without having plotted to be, I tend to think some people one day find themselves in an Open Relationship, in other words "organically."  Love might lead you there, or you might just realize you are actually comfortable with how things are in your primary relationship and this is how things are.  

You might not have sought a first experience of including other lovers or love while committed to a primary relationship. Well, maybe you have...  It's just that I'm convinced that the taboos are still in place and if they were not, why would we even call these forms of intimacy an ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE? 

Even if everyone involved has formed these relationships honestly, no sneaking or "cheating" or lying or conning, the notion that you 'should' be guilty could be hurled at you by others. So, you're not necessarily "out" about it.

Recently I met a divorced man who told me about the day his daughter called and said "Daddy, I saw mom kissing another man in a car." He said it was true and he was done, and immediately acted to begin a divorce. I had to wonder about his wife. Had they married as two virgins?  Was he giving her enough attention or had his time spent devoted to developing a business thrown her to another man?  It had been years ago and he had not remarried. His ex-wife had. The man cherished hearing that she told the children she sometimes missed their dad. I had to wonder how different his life might be if he had not such a quick and drastic reaction to learning his wife was "cheating" him.  They had not even tried therapy.

He said he was signed up on various dating sites and he was never going to get married again.

I said, "You should make that clear to anyone you start dating so that a woman who is interested in marriage can decide not to date you."

My statement befuddled Mr. Honesty.

What are the ethics of being in a marriage that you want to stay in, if only you can have sex with other people?  It is truly possible to never fall in love with someone else while married?  If you read Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot, then you know the attitude to accept the affairs of a husband or wife is common - supposedly in France anyway!

As we learn from the example of Lady Idina Sackville's life that we're exploring this month, one cannot prevent a person from falling in love with another person anymore than you can 'make' them fall in love with you! She and her Set were sexually adventurous and they changed partners for an experience or for a lifetime.

However, I do believe that there are many ways to love and that we humans can and do love more than one person at a time, in different ways.

If it is your intent to be in an Open Relationship you should discuss this with any potential partner you may have in this inquiry into Alternative relationships before you ever have sex with that person!  Honesty is the best policy. 

Missy

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PURPLE EMPEROR

 

THE ABORTION BAN : MOTHER NATURE IS A BITCH

The United States Supreme Court announced the decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, the 1973 law that made abortion legal in the entire United States. I was not aware that many states already had in place laws that basically say, "We follow whatever the Federal laws are, so now abortion is illegal here too."  I expected states to take time to make decisions.

Looking at maps provided by The Wall Street Journal and other media, I see the West Coast states will maintain legal abortion, some on the Eastern seaboard that we call New England, and there is a smattering also of states that will continue to provide services. 

This article from The Guardian is excellent with details and a map: THE GUARDIAN WORLD: ABORTION DESERTS MAP CLINICS

If you are pregnant and especially if you are poor, you will be forced to endure, possibly die, or pull off travel to another state for an abortion and this article above estimates just how many miles that might be; sometimes a 12 hour trip.  (If you're reading this in another country, perhaps think of this is a pregnant woman having to go to another country where she does not have medical insurance to pay for the abortion. She must come up with travel, lodging, and cash for the operation, possibly taking time off from work or caring for her existing children too. She may have to go alone and recover alone as well.)

I know this will be impossible for many women in these states and so they will go back to the dangers of illegal abortion, with some actually facing prison for doing so. This is barbaric and so we have Supreme Court Justices who are barbaric.  It's a fact : They are Republicans.  Recently someone pointed out to me that the honored President Abraham Lincoln was Republican.  Well, the party has changed. They don't make Republicans like they used to.  I frankly think that many of us are suffering the double whamy of a Trump Presidency and Covid-19.

Sometimes I just don't think anti-abortion protesters are facing reality. One pregnancy in five in the United States was terminated in 2020. Nature intended sex and nature intended pregnancy.  Nature does not pay the rent.

ASSOCIATED PRESS  Excerpt : The report from the Guttmacher Institute, a research group that supports abortion rights, counted more than 930,000 abortions in the U.S. in 2020. 

This number was up from the previous year: Covid 19 likely had something to do with this. Women/ families/the nation were facing economic pressures due to lay offs and financial uncertainty.  (And so were the men involved, at least the ones who were responsible.)

Today we see that violence has erupted, that there are absolutely murderous anti-abortion people out there who belong in prison.  Deep irony in that. 

The conflict is between the idealists and the realists. The idealists depend on a mythological past we cannot go back to and probably don't want to go back to if we could. 

I say, end all sex trafficking.  End rape.  End forced marriage.

Make all wages paid out livable income - better yet income that will provide for as many children as nature intends because nature is a bitch and does not care if women die like they used to, worn out from pregnancy and birthing and caring for all those children.

Make sure that all children are born into healthy, stable, and sane partnerships in which one partner does not have to earn income and can stay at home to raise the children, even home-school them. Make sure that no parent dies before all their children are adults who are self-supporting.

While you're at it, make sure there is no sex until marriage and all marriages are made in heaven and last. 

Make sure that everyone who wants to go to college can and that there are appropriate jobs for all those college educated people.

Oh, and by the way, make sure everyone is a Christian, preferably a fundamentalist.

You, my reader either already know what I'm saying or you get it.

This is NOT the world we live in, not our reality.

There are very many issues to address and so much change that is needed but these last few years have been especially challenging and difficult. It's not that abortion is a sacrament, it's that only women -those who have wombs - can become pregnant and have abortions and so very much work and responsibility is on us. We are vulnerable.

Missy

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WHAT AUTHOR FRANCES OSBORNE HAS TO SAY ABOUT HER SUBJECT, HER GREAT-GRANDMOTHER IDINA SACKVILLE!

Sorry the video is down but....

I found this article also:

NEW YORK TIMES : Liesl Schillinger -writer : CELEBRATING SCANDAL : ADINA SACKVILLE

Though the posts this month have focused on Lady Idina Sackville's sexuality, which she expressed without regards to the vows of traditional marriage, and her participation in the Happy Valley Set in the Highlands of Kenya in the 1920's - 1940's, perhaps the fact that she was THE LIFE OF THE PARTY has been neglected. This article has as a picture a copy of one of the articles that made the papers, in which her scandalous life was followed, "Love Failures of the Countess." as well as photos of her sons and some of the Happy Valley Set. It also brings us more information about the author who I hope I've honored for her terrifically interesting book, The Bolter, which has been the prime reference for this month's posts.

Missy

THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO SAY IT : LADY IDINA SACKVILLE'S LAST YEARS WERE TRAGIC

She had been Mrs. Euan Wallace... and Mrs. Josslyn Hay (He'd since become the 22nd Earl of Erroll) ... She had married and married and married.

Idina Sackville had given birth to three children, two sons, and a daughter. True, people of her class were used to sending their children away to boarding school and having relationships with the children then was dependent on letter writing, if that. Idina had been kept from being involved in the raising of her sons though. She'd made an effort to get to know them as they neared adulthood that went not so well. World events affected her personal life as it did so many others.

World War I had affected her life when her first husband Euan Wallace, had joined up and came back uninterested in her or their marriage. He and his next wife, Barbie, had raised those sons as well as three sons of their own.  

Now World War II would further destroy lives.

In a series of tragic events, Euan Wallace and Barbie's three sons would also not live long enough to produce offspring.  

Lady Idna Sackville's daughter by Josslyn Hay would live to adulthood, did marry, have children, and continued on her matriarchal line.  When she married, the Queen and the Princesses Elizabeth (the future Queen Elizabeth II) and her sister attended the wedding. And so, despite all of Idina's scandal, her daughter did not suffer for her mother's reputation. Perhaps that is because relatives had raised the girl.

Idina's sons were killed during service in World War II. As had been the case in World War I, young men of the peerage did not normally avoid military service for their country. This left Euan, who had been so possessive of them without any male heirs.

Then her first two husbands, the fathers of her children died. Josslyn Hay was murdered and her once best friend, Alice De Janze was a suspect.

These deaths put Idina Sackville into a notable depression in which she did not eat or sleep properly and also developed a nerve disease called neuritis, which was said to be made worse because she lived at her house, Clouds, at high altitudes up the mountain. These high altitudes were also said to enhance the effects of alcohol. Idina Sackville was forced to go down the mountain to live in lesser circumstances.

Of great hope to Idina was that her daughter would come to visit her in Africa.  It was not to be. She died before that could happen!

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Excerpts are from The Bolter, a book by Frances Osborne, the main reference for this month's po

My readers, we are not yet done with the Happy Valley Set. Next month we will turn our attention to another book and another woman of that set and learn again how Idina Sackville's life and hers entwined.

A FIFTH AND FINAL HUSBAND

Lady Idina Sackville had one final husband... After her divorce in 1938 from Donald Haldeman, she married William Soltau who was a Royal Airforce Lieutenant.  They divorced in 1946.  I dare say that men never brought Idina happiness but then, it could be argued, she did not bring men happiness either.

As well, her health was starting to wane.

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IDINA LIVED WITH A MAN BUT HE WAS ONE MORE TO GO AWAY

By 1933, Idina Sackville had decided that Chris Langlands would make a good boyfriend.  He had wanted to marry Beryl Purves, now Markham in her second marriage, and was likely already in a ménage of some sort, but Beryl, an pilot, lost interest in him when he crashed a plane trying to show off to her. Chris owned a charter pilot service. As well, Idina and Chris met when he flew a guest over to Idina's house, Clouds.  Now that small planes were providing the transportation in Africa, the isolation of farms and ranches far apart had been breached, and friends didn't necessarily need to drive for hours to go to a weekend house party. Chris and Idina took off on safaris flying from location to location. 

She was living openly with a man without being married to him.

When I think of Idina and her life, I think she married too quickly in every case. For a woman to live openly with a man without being married to him in the 1930's was daring, even for a woman who was already shunned for divorces and deserved the reputation as a seductress.  The pressure to be married is still strong and I'm aware that many couples who decide to live together a while in order to make a decision to marry are often pressured by parents and others to make that decision.  (As well, in many states in the United States living together for seven years is called Common Law Marriage.)

Then, like now, marriage was associated with permanence and having someone to be with in old age.  So, this time Idina was the one to suggest to the man that they get married. But by 1936 Chris was also gone from her life.

What had happened to the Happy Valley Set, with all their entwining friendships and sexual adventures?  Sadly, the scene had diminished as people aged, as people did decide on someone that they stuck with, and drug addiction - especially morphine - and alcohol had consumed some of them.

EXCERPT: " The weekend parties with the old crowd were starting to become, even for Idina, a little unhinged.  The 'sheet game' took a new turn.  A sheet was strung up across the room. One gender would hide behind, a single representative of the other would grope in a sort of blind man's bluff, to work out which of the figures on the other side was who and select a partner.  As cocktails were sunk, the game developed further. Holes were cut into the sheet. Hands, feet, elbows, noses were struck through for identification.  More cocktails were drunk.  A new sheet was pulled across the room.  New holes were cut. The men unbuttoned their trousers..."  (Page 226 of the paperback.)

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Excerpts are from The Bolter, a book by Frances Osborne

RED ADMIRAL