THANKFULNESS

 

WHAT IS GRATITUDE?

 "Gratitude, thankfulness, or gratefulness, from the Latin word gratus "pleasing, thankful," is a feeling of appreciation felt by and/or similar positive response shown by the recipient of kindness, gifts, help, favors, or other types of generosity, towards the giver of such gifts."(From Wikipedia)

"The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness." (From the Oxford Languages Dictionary)

GRATEFULNESS ORG  Why it's important!

VINO GRAPES VALENCIA SPAIN

NOBLE MISTRESSES IS EARLY MODERN SPAIN - A SCHOLARLY and COMPELLING WORK

SCHOLAR WORKS : GVSU : by GRACE COOLIDGE 2007 

While researching I came across this academic paper by a student named Grace Collidge.  It's title is compelling: “A VILE AND ABJECT WOMAN”: NOBLE MISTRESSES, LEGAL POWER, AND THE FAMILY IN EARLY MODERN SPAIN. It focuses on Mistresses in Spain from 1360-1600. Author Collidge researched over 40 Mistresses, This paper is also about the flexibility of illegitimate status as well as changing ideas about what marriage is and when having sex is OK. It says the influence of the Catholic church was strict but there was also an emphasis on forgiveness.

EXCERPT from page 201

In Spain, if there was no legal impediment to their parent's marriage, illegitimate children were known as hijos naturales and had some legal rights of inheritance if they were acknowledged by their father.  If the parents of hijos naturales subsequently married, then these children were automatically legitimated. The Siete Partidas, which is not very clear on the various categories of illegitimacy, nevertheless notes that natural children are called "natural: for the reason that they are begotten contrary to law, and in opposition to the natural order. The other, and much more problematic, category of illegitimate children is that of hijos bastardos or "bastards" whose parents were legally unable to marry at the time of their birth. The various types of bastards are again classified by the nature of their parent's sins.  Incestuousos are children of parents who were related within the prohibited degrees of consanguinity provided by the Catholic Church, adulterinos are children who had at least one parent who was married to someone else, and sacrilegos were children who had at least one parent bound by religious vows.

The mention of sacrilegos reminds me our Mistress of the Month for October 2011 was STEPHANIA SOLOMONE In Love With A Catholic Priest Unable to Marry. I was unable to find an update on how she is a decade later but I don't think she had children with the priest she was in love with as she said their physicality never went beyond hugging..

THE CHARM OF ANDALUSIA

 

DO MULTIPLE WIVES COMPETE TO BE THE MOST LOVED? SISTER WIVES UPDATE - MISSY ON SECRETS VERSUS OPEN RELATIONSHIPS

I devoted a month to the Open Polygamy that is part of the Fundamentalist Mormon lifestyle. The modern Latter Day Saints no longer support the polygamy of the founders of their church. Many of the women who accept being co-wives have grown up in families in which their own mother was a "sister wife." When this lifestyle became the subject of reality television series, the world got a glimpse into the possibilities.  Was it better when it came to child care? Could any of the women expect to ever have the man to herself? What about sexuality?

Recently it came to light that the Sister Wives reality TV show's star Christine, who was the third wife of Cody Brown, left him and the arrangement after 25 years of it.  This Daily Mail article is one of a few that came out in that publication recently about the situation.

DAILY MAIL - SISTER WIVES- CHRISTINE LEFT - ROBYN 4th WIFE PREVAILS by Tracy Wright and Christine Rendon

The reason I focused on this example of an alternative lifestyle for MISTRESS MANIFESTO here is that we are exploring the lives of Mistresses who are often known to the Wives.  When a wife knows her husband has an ongoing relationship with another person, she often accepts that this is so, preferring to keep her marriage.  Sometimes she prevails and sometimes she doesn't.

Sometimes a person is not naturally monogamous. I recently met a man who told me that when he first met the woman who has been consistent in his life for near 50 years, meeting her when he was 16, he told her he could not be faithful.  She said it would not bother her if he had other women.  He told me that he had sex with other women along with being alcoholic and that when he quit drinking over 30 years ago, he stopped sleeping with other women. For other men who were not addicted or promiscuous, men who married and never thought they would, cheating is something else - a desire to love more than one person perhaps - or perhaps to move on out of the marriage or - well, there is no one reason.

While some people have Open Marriages in which one or both partners at various times also have other relationships. others are scandalized by their partner being sexually involved with someone else and see it as the reason for divorce.

I say relationship because while the stereotype is that it's "just" an affair, or only about sex, many of the couples who are -one or both- are married to someone else legally - do have significant and ongoing involvement with each other.  So while the Sister-Wives - Open Polygamy lifestyle is one in which everything is in the Open, Mistresses are often thought of as secret clandestine relationships - taboo - just plain wrong.

DO YOU HAVE A PARTNER WHO HAS ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP?

PROFESSIONAL USE OF CELL PHONES, E-MAIL, SOCIAL NETWORKING and WORKING FOR PAY

I recently met people in their twenties who grew up using computers and prefer cell phones - in particular texting - to in person interactions, even at work. They are using their PERSONAL CELL PHONES to contact other people on staff, for instance while at work.  Maybe "everybody" does it. 

I think this is unprofessional.

You should have one cell phone that is paid for by your company for work communications. Absolutely nothing of a personal nature should be on this phone. Just as your work e-mail should not be used for personal communications.

You should have one cell phone, with a private number, that you give out to family, friends, and use for personal business, that you pay for.  It should be off or on silent (no vibration) and in your purse or jacket while you are working.  The time to look at it is when you are on a break or at lunch - preferably when off the premises and having private time.  Scout the area around your place of work for private spaces to make and take calls, not overheard. Your personal phone should not be used for any work related communications. It is your personal possession and hopefully you do not have an employer who takes possession of employee phones while they are working, which is ridiculous, though I've heard of it happening on the basis that they don't want phones ringing and annoying and distracting while working.  So keep it on you but off.

At some jobs there is down time and you may find yourself staring at a computer screen and have internet.  I know there is a temptation to use this time for personal reasons, such as making vacation plans, or ordering products on line. This is unprofessional.  Anything you are personally paying for should be researched and bought on your own computer or cell phone.  Use down time to make order of your desk, clean out your drawers or the office kitchen microwave, or make a list of things you need to do.

I'm strongly recommending also that you create and keep a boundary between your personal and professional life in other ways, be it that you are working for pay or working without pay as a volunteer. 

Keep gossip to a minimum if you can't avoid it at all.  Sure you want to be in the know about changes in the workplace that effect you and your career, but soon enough if it's true information your higher ups will make an announcement.  If you are looking for another job, keep it to yourself.  

Don't discuss your personal life such as who you are dating or having sex with or what all you did on the weekend.  Weekends can be "busy" or "relaxing."  You can tell people about an engagement after it is announced to your family.  You can invite your boss to your wedding.  Don't have dates into your workspace, meet elsewhere.

If you are having marital discord or getting a divorce, do not discuss the details. Only mention these things such as giving notice to move on to a new job or a divorce when they have been finalized. Really anything can happen, but since your personal life shouldn't have much impact on your professional responsibilities (or you don't want your coworkers or boss to reference your personal life as why you are not keeping up), keep talking about it to a minimum.

Let's say you are having issues with child care.  Go to your immediate supervisor and ask if you can have a brief meeting. During the meeting simply state that your caregiver has given notice and that you're actively looking for another.  A valued employee will be given some leeway by a good boss to take care of personal business such as this, such as sometimes having to take off a morning or a day as we ALL have personal business.  The key is to not make it a problem for them to solve.

There's no reason to hide behind texting, e-mail, or social networking when you are in the same office or frequently see coworkers and bosses. In person, face to face communication is the best.

Social Networking is used as Marketing a lot these days but don't get confused.  Marketing is generally for a product or service and commentary should be kept to that.  It is not the place to offer happy birthdays, congratulations on non-product or service successes, or - worst of all - photos of people who did not even give their permission for their images to be put up there on the net.

Remember that a PRIVATE LIFE is only private it if is kept so. You owe no one an explanation really but may encounter people at the office who are fueled by gossip, who saw you out somewhere having a good time, or otherwise are minding yours, digging around. They are bored, simply curious, trying to bond as "friends," or out to have something on you that they can use competitively.

 And you, being professional, don't say "What business is it of yours," though you'd like to.

Here are some responses I gave to dirt-diggers through the years who were on fact finding missions, so to speak, by gossiping.

*

"I saw him out with a girl with long hair.  She wasn't very good looking." (Disapproving.)

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!"  (Give the so-what shrug and change the subject.)

*

Woman, hands on hips, said, "That K, her family is as poor as dirt."

"Isn't it great that here in America we can all strive to achieve?"

*

Why haven't you gotten married?

"Gosh, I'll have to think about that one!"  Laugh or wink.  

*

"Our boss is having an affair with his secretary.  What do you think of that?"

"It's none of my business."

*

Changing the subject back to a business subject is the professional thing to do.

"I'm so busy right now, I better get back to work."

Missy

LEANDRO DE BOURBON: RECOGNITION FOR AN EXTRAMARITAL CHILD OF KING ALFONSO XIII

Stage and silent screen actress Carmen Ruiz Moragas was known to be the Mistress of King Alfonso III of Spain. Carmen had two children with him. One of them, son Leandro Ruiz Moragas, who was born in 1929, sued to be allowed to use the surname Bourbon which is the surname of the Spanish Royal family.  (I know it's difficult to know considering all the titles and changes in titles .) He waged quite a campaign including writing a couple books and eventually was granted what he wanted. By then his sister was deceased so the name was only his to use.

First, his books are in Spanish. There is a French edition.

This one is a biography.  

The title in Spanish is Alfonso XIII Vista Por Su Hijo. 

In English that is Alfonso XIII Seen By His Son

I was unable to read this book.

 

This one is called El Bastardo Real in Spanish

In English that is The Royal Bastard.

Again, I was unable to read this book.

According to Spanish language Wikipedia, Alfonso was ten years old when he was told who his father was and his education was paid for with money set aside by his father for that purpose. However, it was a private rather than public acknowledgement.  In 2002 he filed to have his parentage recognized and on the basis that the King's name appeared on his original birth certificate, he was grated in 2003 to use the surname Bourbon Ruiz. No DNA test was required.  There were some disputes over if he also deserved a title and to be called Royal Highness or if he or his children should be in line for the throne of Spain.  Suffice to say, there was no need, even if he was calculated to be 10th in line, as the legitimate heirs were in place.  However, Leandro's children are also allowed to use the Bourbon surname.  Both Leandro and his sister had children and he is known to have grandchildren as well. He died in 2016.

HOTEL MADRID