NEIL YOUNG : HARVEST MOON

YOU CAN SLEEP WITH THE WRONG MAN...

BUT YOU CAN'T SLEEP WITH THE WRONG DOG!


(Don't know where this quote originated, but it made me laugh, as my dog is right by my side!)

HER BOYFRIEND MAY BE MENTALLY ILL - NOW WHAT? OPINION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Missy,

My boyfriend, Shem, is in his late twenties and seems to have a germ phobia.  My teenage sister has obsessive compulsive disorder which is already hard to live with.  I'm worried that he's going to get worse and if I marry him I won't be able to deal with it. 

To give you some idea, he refuses to deal with cat clean up.  He refuses to clean bathrooms.  If I've got a cold or even just allergies he wants me to sleep on the sofa and not get near him.  I think he's used up some of his vacation days this year avoiding going to work when someone else at the office got sick. He's using a tissue to deal with door knobs.  My sister checks and rechecks to see if she locked a door before she can leave but she's in therapy and trying meds.  My boyfriend hires a maid to come in and clean his place up.  She uses bleach solution to wipe down his doorknobs, his entire bathroom, the kitchen, and the entire front door of his apartment.  Besides the germ phobia, all else is good.  He's educated, works hard, and is good to me.

Dana

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Hi Dana!

I'm familiar with the disorders you mentioned, having had a neighbor with the doorknob problems and so on.  I can image you're wondering at what point is it that someone is sick or not.  It's a hard call.  Lots of people gag at the smell of cat odor and can't deal with it.  Lots of people have employers who make people come to work sick where the whole crew is exposed or infected (been there, done that) which I think is beyond stupid.  Then, men more often have maids than women do, and the bleach does get rid of germs.

I also had a friend who married an educated man with a great career who was just like your boyfriend.  She slept on the sofa, scrubbed the bathrooms, and moved her cat to the basement, but he was definitely increasingly phobic of germs as he got older, because it effected their most private life when he became germ phobic of her.

Living with your sister who is sick has sensitized you to behavior that might be mental illness. 

I think your question is more about YOU..  Is it OK to just quit a relationship because someone can get on our nerves or be neurotic?  Your sister is family and you can't quit her at this point and hopefully you never will. But you may not have to live with her for years on end and she may respond to medication.  Does your boyfriend need it?  Marriage is a choice to create a new family but with this possibility looming.

Communicate your concerns to your boyfriend.  Try, "You know I live with an obsessive compulsive sister whose getting help to overcome her issues.  Maybe because of that I'm a bit sensitive but I've noticed.... and I wonder if maybe  you've got what she's got!'  Then listen to what he says.  If he denies it's a problem, let it go for now.  You may be right but maybe he needs time to self assess.

Before marriage talk to him about his expectations of you.  Will he keep the maid? Or will you be it?  It may be negotiated.  Maybe there are tasks you can't or won't do that he will.  You might adore cat clean up and be happy to do it because he's the one who gets the cars detailed - you know?

Missy

BEBE BUELL : MODEL, MUSE, MISTRESS, MOM, ROCK N ROLLER and BOOK AUTHOR

HARPERS BAZAAR INTERVIEW WITH LIV TYLER ON BEBE AS HER MOM  by Elisa Lipsky-Karasz   PICTURE GALLERY

She's Liv Tyler's mom, but before that Bebe Buell had long non-monogamous relationships with Todd Rundgren and Elvis Costello.  Liv was raised by Todd as father, since Steve was a whirlwind romance.  Jimmy Page and Mick Jagger were also paramours.  Was she a Supergroupie?  Her modeling didn't last long... but she's recording Rock and Roll into her 60's.



*****

ARE ONLY "SUPER GROUPIES" CLOSING IN ON MISTRESSHOOD because they are more likely to be financially supported or live with or marry their man?  Missy

OPINIONS on THE TERM MISTRESS from NEW YORK TIMES BLOGGER MARGARET SULLIVAN

BLOGS-NEW YORK TIMES - IS MISTRESS A WORD THAT HAS SEEN ITS BEST DAYS by MARGARET SULLIVAN

EXCERPTS:

Janet Mortenson of Houston wrote: “I would be delighted to see The Times stop using the word ‘mistress’ to describe a self-sufficient woman who is in a romantic relationship with a man.”

And Ellen Hymowitz of New York City asked if The Times “could summon up a less archaic word that didn’t demean the female by her sex or her gender.” She said that the term suggests “not just a female participant in a clandestine love affair but also that the affair is of a long-term nature and that the woman is ‘kept’ — financially supported — by the man.” ....  Philip B. Corbett, an editor said,"I agree that “mistress” has a somewhat old-fashioned tone to it that isn’t ideal (though I don’t accept the argument that it necessarily implies a financial arrangement; it doesn’t. First definition from American Heritage: “A woman who has a continuing sexual relationship with a man who is married to someone else.”

Missy here!  I'm editing the long piece that I had posted in Pages that discusses what I think about the use of the term.  Let's just say here briefly that I do not think adultery is necessary to the definition, and I do think that the Classic Mistress is Kept - or at least well cared for beyond her own earnings, but that most women who are Mistresses today do have or earn some of their own income - and should!

 

C 2016 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved

JEANNIE CRANE and "SWEET CONNIE" CONNIE HAMZY : PROUD GROUPIES WITH NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR

JEANNIE CRANE, who went to her first concert at 16,  loved Ted Nugent... 

SWEET CONNIE HAMZY of  Little Rock Arkansas, who set out at 15 to be a Groupie, loved Alex Van Halen.

This YouTube video posted in 2010 is from a Hard Copy broadcasted in Australia and my guess is that the telecast is from the late 1980's.

Here's a little more information for you. 

CONNIE HAMZY wrote a book called "Rock Groupie: The Intimate Adventures of "Sweet Connie" from Little Rock" which was published in 1995.  (I haven't been able to get a copy of it, but it's a tell all, and one site mentions that it mentions...Don Henley, Keith Moon, David Lee Roth, Merle Haggard, Huey Lewis... while on other sites about interviews she did, it says that she said that she was in love with Alex Van Halen, and that he was her best sex as a result.  Connie has, perhaps, claimed a record for years as a groupie and numbers of music men she has been with as a result of conquest and making herself available as her reputation proceeds her.


Note August 2017  A reader wants to know if Connie had sex with Vince Neil at 16.  You'll have to read the book and see!  I do not know!  Missy

Old video replaced June 2021  (Couldn't find a new one that included Jeannie Crane.)

ANATOMY OF AN ORCHID

CATHERINE JAMES : DANDELION : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

CATHERINE JAMES OFFICIAL SITE Catherine James

 

Bob Dylan took her out of the orphanage but played the older brother she never had. Not just one more young girl who ran away to Sunset Strip, or got caught up in the Rock Gods who courted her, a bit more of a flower child than a Groupie by my way of thinking, Catherine James survived a abusive childhood, but, not quite out of it was left to raise her only son, fathered by a British rock musician with Moody Blues guitarist Denny Laine, when she was 16.  She lived by her wits after he financially abandoned them. 

 

Mom was a Malignant Narcissist, Dad beat Bruce Jenner to the change. Catherine James relied on the Universe to provide at times and proved that you don't have to duplicate the way your parents raised you, that you can better them, even if you live in a house in the woods that's barely standing or your car doesn't run or the jobs you take are odd.

 

Like a number of Rock Goddesses, she was beautiful enough to model, and despite having a very hard life, has found goodness in it. 

 

One of several books I've read by former Groupies, there's something of a delicacy to James that defies her obvious inner strength.

 

C 2016  MistressManifesto.Blogspot.com / Missy Rapport  All Rights Reserved

INCOME INEQUITY - BY STATE - WOMEN ARE STILL MAKING LESS THAN MEN : MEN SHOULD PAY FOR DATES! OPINION BY MISSY

AAUW - SIMPLE TRUTH ABOUT THE GENDER PAY GAP


In Wyoming women make 64 cents to every $1.00 men do...

In California women make a 86 cents...

I was raised to let men do the asking, planning, and paying for dates.

I came to feel it was wrong not to "contribute," such as for desert or leaving a tip or maybe paying for cab fare.

But in recent years, as I heard that some men even ask a woman out and then, on the date, announce that she is paying her own way or paying for the whole thing, which is appallingly bad manners for starters, I came to feel that while every relationship is different, men who can't afford to date shouldn't. (And there are lots of things to do for free or inexpensively in the big city so whoever is asking another person out does have some options.)

Are some men taking advantage of women, treating them as financial equals when they are not?  I think so.

Men who are satisfied with feminism only because they're lazy about taking the old responsibilities when dating and in relationships seem to be all over.

I've recently met several men, as neighbors and friends of friends, who are living with their much more financially successful girlfriends and letting them pay all the rent and more!  I can't help but think that the day will come when that girlfriend has had enough and asks them to go.  Some of these men are in school or working full time and maybe the day will come when they are the ones who can do it all and let their girlfriends be the ones who are supported.

Maybe I've come full circle...  HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS ISSUE?