SHOULD YOU BE A MISTRESS? SOME THINGS ABOUT YOU TO CONSIDER

Thinking of getting, keeping, or leaving a man who maybe can't or won't commit to only you?  Or do you have what it takes to be a Mistress?

Here are some questions to ask yourself, things you should consider, before you decide!

1) Have you had much dating experience? 

Some women get all the way through grad school before they have a romance!  Others have had many lovers before they graduate high school.  Some are still getting married soon after they graduate though the age of first marriage in the United States has gone up over time.  A woman can feel burned out by dating or shy of it because of heartbreak. And it's true that it gets more difficult to meet "eligible" men the older one gets. That's because some men realize they're gay or decide to be celibate. Some men are not usually considered eligible - because they're married to someone else. Others burn out from dating and relationships just like women do.

Dating helps you not only get to know the other person but yourself too.  You should be testing yourself in a variety of social situations from casual to formal - the frat party and the opera!  What do you really like to do?  What are your interests?  Can you really be a liberal vegan and settle down with a conservative meat-eater?

Dating should be FUN too. It should not ONLY be about finding a husband, especially not if you aren't that interested in marriage.

My feeling is that a person shouldn't consider being Kept until they've had some relationships and also lived independently (self-supporting) for at least a year.

2) Have men treated you well generally?  Think about your father, your uncle, your brother, your priest, your teachers, your boss, boys in school, men at work...  Do you know what it is to be treated well?  Do you keep relationships going when you're not being treated well?

I believe all women including Mistresses must insist they be treated well.  (And a man ought to leave you if you are not treating him well.)

3) Does your upbringing, especially religious principles, make it impossible or difficult? ... to share a man, have sex without marriage, live with someone for longer than a year without the relationship becoming legal marriage, feel guilty or ashamed about sex, about not being married, about not dating?  

So many times I've met women who say they have done things they never thought they would.

4) Is it your GOAL to be a legally married woman, a happily married woman? If so are you doing something about meeting someone to marry or are you the more romantic, passive or fatalistic type who believes it will happen if it's supposed to?  

If you have a deep desire or need to be legally married, you need to reassess your relationship every few months and end any relationship that does not have that potential.  Listen to what a man says.  If he tells you he does not love you, that he is "fond," that he wants to be "friends" he isn't thinking marriage to you. He may stick around anyway if you're willing to have sex with him knowing he will not marry you. If he says things like "I will never get married," or "I don't believe in marriage," or "I will never get married again" or
"I need more time to think about it" (when you've been dating steadily for over a year) believe him and move on.  It hurts, but not as bad as it will if you hang in there going nowhere.

5) Do you enjoy your own company? Do you possess a rich inner life? Are you a person who always has a project or two of your own happening?  Or do you wait for someone else to create a social life for you or keep you busy?

As a Mistress you may have to have a life separate of him and it's up to you to have a life that is full. Some people love their independence and are good at going and doing things on their own, others loath that.

Missy

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All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

I WASN'T SURPRISED WHEN MY FRIEND CHARLOTTE SAID YES TO A MISTRESS OFFER.

Charlotte (not her real name) and I used to sit together on dateless Friday nights, kick back with some wine and cheese, and talk about men and dating.  If ever there was someone - beautiful, terrific personality, smart, let's call her a "real catch," who should have had at least a decent boyfriend, if not an amazing husband, it was Charlotte. Yet she had some of the worst dates ever.  She attracted men like honey to the bee - that wasn't the issue.  She could go anywhere - art gallery openings - the grocer - the flower peddler - the mall - and some man would go up to her, introduce himself, and ask her out.  Charlotte must have met over a hundred men just for coffee. I never thought she was "too picky."  She would go, and sometimes there would be two or three dates. It was up to her, if she wanted to have sex or not.  Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't.  It was good that she didn't feel obligated. After several years of this, Charlotte was burned out on dating.  She just didn't want to go.  She just wasn't meeting anyone who was a match for her. 

We did what some people do. We made lists, as if knowing for sure what we wanted in another person would magically draw them to us and fairly well matched too. 

Charlotte's family had been the "too picky" ones.  As she got older without a partner in life, her parents wanted her to just be with someone - anyone?  Charlotte worked but they were still buying her the finer things in life.  Was she materialistic?  More so than me but there were (and are) many more materialistic women. Was it too much to expect to live in a house when you were raised in one? 

So we'd sit and try to create humor out of a situation that was overall very wearing and difficult for her.

Charlotte started to work in a real estate office and that's when she met a man who eventually made her The Mistress Offer. They went out for coffee quite a bit before he did. The whole time she kept dating other men.  I want to say that rarely were these men she went out with "losers."  They just were not for her.  Her man, let's call him Jeff, just one day said this:

"Charlotte I'm not getting any younger and neither are you. We don't have to get married. You don't have to work, at least not as much as you do.  I need a companion and so do you.  You'll admit that to me, won't you?

Charlotte agreed. 

Jeff had been showing he cared by sending some of his friends to her when they wanted to buy houses.  He owned a nice house.  She didn't.  Bit by bit, Charlotte earned a substantial down payment on a house. Jeff provided the mortgage payments. She knew that if anything happened to Jeff, if he could not continue to do so, she could sell the house and that she had a year to do so.

Charlotte stopped dating. She didn't miss dating.  She focused instead on Jeff, learning about him and she did find herself slowly falling for him.  She could make lists of the things she liked about Jeff instead of lists of what she wanted in a man. 

Charlotte was much happier not dating and focusing on her work, as well as designing and decorating her house.  Today she is not rich but financially secure.  Jeff has retired and spends a lot of time with her, but he still does not live with her.  She likes it that way.

Charlotte says, "I wasted so much time looking for a love that wasn't going to happen for me. Now I have my focus!"

C 2018  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved Including International and Internet Rights