NEXT LIFETIME : ERYKAN BADU

NATHANIEL BRANDON'S AFFAIR OF HIS OWN - EVENTUALLY HE ENLISTS HIS WIFE TO KEEP THIS SECRET FROM RAND

Nathaniel Brandon and Patrecia Gullison agreed to keep their affair a secret and he thought that their affair would end and not mean much.

Excerpt page 345: ...She turned down modeling jobs to be available to him.  He learned "to lie expertly," he wrote, "As I became a master at inventing reasons to be away from the office."  .... In early 1964, he reluctantly gave his wife (Barbara Branden) permission to conduct her own affair with an NBI colleague she had grown fond of. He didn't reveal his affair with Patrecia until three years later, when he needed her help in keeping his secret from Rand.

Missy here:  Despite almost flaunting it, Barbara took a while to catch on that her husband was having an affair with Patrecia.  But in the summer of 1965, she asked Nathaniel for a separation. From 1964-1966, Rand was still counseling the couple in order to help heal their relationship. To me this is all so convoluted. Ayn Rand may have had a philosophy - a theory - that could be applied to therapy but she was not at all qualified just based on her personal involvement with these people.  When the separation was announced, she may have hoped this would be when Branden turned to her, but it was not to be.

Excerpt page 347: Brandon stood on a precipice.  Should he tell the truth, risking Rand's anger and his own disinheritance, or take up his duties as Rand's lover?  He chose a third way, finding other but real incidental ailments to complain of: exhaustion from overwork, trauma from the end of his marriage, fragile self-esteem because of Rand's history of rebuking him, depression, "a sense of (emotional) deadness that made it exceedingly difficult to think of resuming a romance with her," and, somewhat astonishingly at this point, anguish over his second-fiddle status in the triangle with Frank, which had caused him pain in the past, he said, and almost surely would again.....

***

But, he was happy with Patrecia, perhaps more happy that he had ever been.  Ayn, perhaps as predicted, tried to find a way to analyze the relationship he had with Patrecia into oblivion. 

Excerpt page 349:  Gradually, his evasions, inconsistencies, and "drift" became intolerable to the woman for whom logic was tantamount to truth.  They began to have explosive arguments.

... The news of the Branden's impending divorce sent shock waves through the concentric circles of Rand's New York, Los Angeles, Boston, Washington D.C., Toronto, and Chicago organizations...

***

They denied others were involved in the decisions the couples made to divorce. It took three years into the affair, until 1966, that Nathaniel and Patrecia admitted to Barbara that they were going to start having sex! To me, this is a testimonial to the fear of Ayn Rand that Nathaniel must have felt. He seems to have been greatly confused about his feelings.

Perhaps Ayn had also had enough. When there are so many shades of grey, one sometimes starts to see thinks in black or white. Ultimately, but with tremendous anger, she did break with Nathaniel. It was an excommunication.

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IS THERE A WAY TO AFFAIR PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE : QUESTIONS FOR MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Missy,

I take marriage seriously being a Catholic and I don't want to marry someone who will cheat on me.  So, you seem to know a lot about cheaters.  Is there a way to affair proof your marriage?

Bennie

Minnesota

ANSWER FROM MISSY 

Do you mean to affair proof YOURSELF or the person you marry?

Actually, I don't think there is. Other than you spend every last minute with your partner.

However, there are some things that might help you avoid having an affair or being "cheated."

1) Marrying someone who is also of the same religion and serious about it. Generally this means having traditional attitudes about the roles of husband and wife and that marriage can include long term suffering and is forever. This sometimes translates into staying together despite affairs. Please note that to me an affair may or may not evolve into becoming or having a Mistress. An affair can be five minutes, a few weeks, or last many years, but may not evolve into a special relationship. Something we do here is work on defining Mistress. The overuse of the term in the media is that any woman who had an affair, even a brief one, with a celebrity is now called a Mistress. A weekend with a celebrity doesn't even make one a girlfriend.

2) Having work that does not require you to travel or attend conventions without your partner or taking your partner with you wherever you go. Being on the road doesn't just mean meeting new people. It can be lonely and stressful. Going home after work each day to your spouse means you usually know where the other person is.

Keeping track of your partner can also feel or be controlling or confining. It can imply a lack of trust. The spouse may just get to the point where they want to get away from you.

Work place affairs are common. 

3) Being sure you both always wear your wedding bands. Interested people always look to see if someone is wearing rings. 

4) Not using alcohol or drugs. Both lower your resistance to finding others attractive, giving in to your sexual nature or adventure, and not practicing Safer Sex.

5) Not taking each other for granted. Scheduling quality alone time and still going out on "dates." Leaving the children with a trustworthy caregiver and taking vacations together.

6) Keeping the conversation going. Discussing the things you want out of the partnership, perhaps having pre-marital counseling, so that you are in agreement about important things like having children. Checking in with each other often.

7) Knowing the difference between honesty and honesty till it hurts. Don't be mean or insensitive. Also, every person has and should have privacy.

8) Having enough money. Enough can be a changing amount.

9) Allowing each other personal time, private time, friendships that don't necessarily include each other.

Not expecting to be each other's everything.

10) Not being manipulative, abusive, or jealous.

11) Getting married later in life.

Basically I'm saying to avoid those things that are notorious for causing couples to fall out as well as temptation.  

However, it seems to me affairs happen anyway. People who never thought they would sometimes do. 

Missy

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