PAMELA DIGBY CHURCHILL in the 1950's - MORE MISTRESSING and FINALLY ANOTHER MARRIAGE

Pamela believed that putting pressure on a man - any man - would make him leave, but she wasn't past making him jealous - or trying to.  

Her son, Little Winston, was growing up. She went on a cruise with Greek ship owner Stavros Spyros Niarchos and Winston was included. By the mid 1950's her son was going to probably the best school for rich children there was and is - Le Rosey ( Institut Le Rosey ) in Switzerland. At thirteen Winston went on to Eton. He got to spend time with his remarried father. Her son had gotten used to changes in his mother's circumstances and being moved about. By the late 1950's Pamela was still unmarried.  Elie De Rothschild was still in her life but it was going nowhere.

Pamela had a hysterectomy and now had abdominal scars and afterwards she started gaining weight again. There is some mystery attached to her decision to have this surgery, perhaps as a preventative or cancer. She was going to have to fight to keep her figure. Time was passing.  \She made a decision to give up on Elie De Rothschild.  And when she did so, she did so with gusto. It may have had to do with the fact that Little Winston was turning 20, an adult. She sold her apartments in London and Paris and headed for the United States. 

In the States she met a Hollywood director, Leland Hayward. He was married a few times already and then to Slim Keith, an heiress to a half million from her father.  Their marriage was no longer romantic. (Slim was the inspiration for actress Lauren Bacall's fashion.) He had children from previous marriages. He and Pamela fell for each other. They were married on May 4, 1960, hours after his divorce from Slim was final. Pamela now called herself Pamela Churchill Hayward and began her new role as the wife of a producer. She was never going to be a nurturing step-mother.

But Pamela also decided to be a working woman and decided to own her own Jansen Boutique in New York, even though she had no retailing experience.  She was a good salesperson, hired good people, and stocked it with real antiques as well as good reproductions to appeal to designers and their clientele. She made a modest profit.  She had her own money from inheritances and the generosity of men that she'd been kept by and some income too, but still she spent Leland Hayward's money.  Hayward had a long successful carrier that began to diminish as he aged.  Slowly they began to sell off collections of art and other possessions, saying they were moving to the country and downsizing. They still managed to vacation and live well. Pamela spent some of her own money too. Society had been impressed with Pamela in this last incarnation. She had been loyal and a good wife.

Then Leland had a stroke that partly paralyzed him. He died March 18, 1971, only 66 years old, thus ending a marriage of a bit over a decade.  She was 51 and had no real money left. Though she inherited half the estate, the rest going to his children.  She knew she had to move on again. 

Pamela went back to Europe and stayed with her son Winston in his tiny apartment.  She soon realized she was finished socially in Europe.  She also felt herself to be more of an American.  She went to France, then on a cruise, but she returned to America.

And that is where she soon met a man from her long ago past, who would become her third and final husband!

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Sally Bedell Smith's book Reflected Glory is the primary reference for this post.

PAMELA CHURCHILL and WALLIS SIMPSON, the DUCHESS OF WINDSOR - FAST FRIENDS

Both Pamela Churchill and Wallis Simpson, the Duchess of Windsor, had been shunned by British society despite their social status - Pamela's was born with, Wallis' acquired with marriage. They were both divorced women. And Wallis had been a Mistress before she was a wife. (Page 180)  Though Pamela was twenty-four years younger than Wallis, they had much in common. They both coaxed their beauty, dressed exquisitely, and learned to entertain in beautiful surroundings. The Duchess was kind and affectionate to her young-enough-to-be-a-daughter friend.

Alexander Liberman ( who worked for Conde Nast Magazines such as Vanity Fair) said of Pamela in  the 1950's "She was  part of a very grand tradition of mistresses kept on a grand scale."  But British aristocrats made fun of Pamela, just as she'd been made fun of by some of her peers as a debutante. And as always she kept a game face, acting as if she were not bothered or even knew.

For all her energy, her championing of her men, Pamela didn't have much of a sense of humor. While not putting pressure on a man, she would try to make one jealous with another.  She shared many a man with his wife - and perhaps other women too - let them end the relationship - and stuck around for the friendship.

Wallis Simpson was our Mistress of the Month for  January 2010 and is also mentioned in August 2018's Mistresses of the Riviera,

PAMELA CHURCHILL and BARON ELIE DE ROTHSCHILD - A BANKING FORTUNE LOVER

Having not married Gianni Agnelli, in 1954 Pamela Churchill was the lover and kept companion of Jewish Banking fortune's Eli de Rothschild.  He thought of her as a "European Geisha"  (Page 168) rather than a Courtesan.  As she had with other men, she catered to him, did everything his way, and learned about the things that interested him.  You could say that Pamela reflected the men she was involved with. The married Eli had many mistresses but overall he was rather cheap with her. She had her own money and he thought it was great that Gianni Agnelli had provided so much for Pamela that he didn't have to!

She was not entirely dependent on the men who kept her. 

"Her technique was straightforward. "Darling, I saw the most beautiful bracelet today,"  She would tell Elie. "Would you go by and take a look and see if you like it?"  (Her might not.)  Still, Pamela made Eli feel honored to provide for her. (Page 170) 

Mistresses were OK with Eli's wife Liliane but since Pamela wanted to marry Eli she felt it was her duty to make this mistress's life difficult.  Let go from the job of being a muse of sorts to a man once again, Pamela played as if she were carefree rather than hurt. Maybe she wasn't. Maybe she didn't love him. She now worked to maintain her skin and figure and bought couture clothing.  She kept herself and waited for her next conquest.

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Sally Bedell Smith's book Reflected Glory is the primary reference for this post.

PAMELA DIGBY and the KATHLEEN "KICK" KENNEDY CONNECTION

This post includes the names of several people previously mentioned in Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot.  Run searches for the names in bold!

Kathleen "Kick" Kennedy (our Mistress of the Month for March 2017) was a debutante, presented to the Queen the same year as Pamela Digby, when her father was Ambassador to Britain. However, Kick didn't think much of Pamela that year. 

Surprisingly, the two would become good friends and Kick would provide Pamela important social and political connections to her American, Democratic Family.  Pamela went along on a back-to-Ireland trip that Kennedy made to see his family roots there. Pamela provided a young sickly John F. Kennedy, Kick's brother and future President of the United States, an introduction to her personal doctor in England, the doctor who first diagnosed him with Addison's disease.

According to Sally Bedell Smith, the author of Reflected Glory, a biography of Pamela Digby Churchill Harriman, the two young women were fast friends and enjoyed socializing together when Kick was widowed from Billy Hartington at age 24.  (Billy was killed by a sniper's bulled just months after their controversial marriage and after a years long courtship.) Kick remained Lady Hartington and lived in London on funds provided her by Billy's family and her own Kennedy inheritance. Pamela joined Kick and her friends whenever possible and went out of her way to be friendly. So Kick invited Pamela to spend some of her winter vacation in Palm Beach at the Kennedy oceanside villa.  Pam loved the elegance and ease of Palm Beach where Rose Kennedy, the matriarch of the family, helped her fit in to society.  Pamela became part of the Kennedy Entourage and got to take a break from World War II in Europe. Pamela went from Palm Beach to New York City.

From previous work on Kick Kennedy, we know that she as a Catholic had to wait a long time to marry Billy, a Protestant, and her marriage to him had disappointed Rose who was devout. The young widow Kick had then become involved with the married Earl Fitzwilliam, so she was a mistress to him. Kick footed the bill to take Pamela along with their traveling peers.  Pamela went back to France in the summer of 1946 when her return to England proved to be a disaster.  Her divorce from Winston Churchill's son Randolph had ruin ed her socially. She was there when Kick and Fitzwilliam took off in the plane that would crash and kill them both and was one of hundreds who attended Kick's funeral.

Pamela eventually converted to Catholicism when she was the mistress of Gianni Agnelli and remained Catholic for the rest of her life.  Eventually she would leave Britain feeling herself to be more American. She remained a friend of the Kennedy family and stood behind the Democratic Party in her later years as an influential fund raiser and campaigner.

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PAMELA DIGBY CHURCHILL and WILLIAM AVERELL HARRIMAN - FIRST and LAST GREAT LOVE?!

William Averell Harriman, an American, grew up in privilege and had money. He was a man who married and married and married - but seemed never to have happiness.  His affair with the married Pamela Digby Churchill probably began at the Dorchester Hotel in London during a bombing raid by the Germans during World War II. Nothing like the fear of loosing your life to make you live life to the fullest.

He had a history of wrong marriages and affairs and mistresses. 

The man had a 2nd marriage with Kitty Lawrence who was ill with TB and not compatible.  He had mistresses and there were rumors of affairs.  Then in 1928 another woman, Marie Norton Whitney was his conquest.  She became his third wife in February of 1930.  She was 26 and he was 38.

Pamela was still married to Randolph unhappily.

Ave was much older than Pamela and not much to look at.  Like her husband Randolph he appeared older than his years.  But Harriman was worth multi millions and he was a courtly and debonair man if not in the best physical shape. Women liked him.

By 1941 he and his wife Marie were no longer intimate and so she didn't blame him for his affairs. 

In fact they were both having affairs.  Pamela even befriended his daughter Kathleen, who was about her age, while having an affair with him.

Pamela's reunion with Randolph, who asked for another chance, did not go well.  They both realized their marriage had been a mistake. She went over to tell her father in law, Winston, that she was getting a divorce.  He understood.

Pamela had volunteered with the Women's Voluntary Services (WVS) as many houswifed did and served as a guide to visiting American dignitaries.  (put in previous post)

page 103  "PAMELA WAS A DOER, NOT A THINKER OR A RECORDER."

Though the affair had to end between she and Harriman, there was Lord Beaverbrook as an intermediary who arranged financial support for Pamela.  Randolph was not much of a financial support for her and his son. He spent his money wildly leaving them in debt.  Harriman secretly picked up the costs of her apartment by depositing money in Beaverbrook's accounts which then made it to pay the rent. The man actually forgot he was doing so perhaps because he had too many millions to keep accounting of and did so for three decades (check fact.  Sometimes it went past due but the Lord would give him a nudge.  She was also given a nice  yearly allowance.  Harriman did well by her...  with a little nudging.

At 22, she had the name, the son - heir, and a good relationship with her father in law Winston Churchill.  She was done with the husband and was supported financially, even as Harriman left town and went back to his life in America.

Years would pass, the allowance and rent continuing, but later in life Pamela and Ave would marry. 

*****

As I read these passages of Sally Bedell Smith's book, I had to wonder.  I had learned that Lord Beaverbrook had many house parties that Pamela had attended.  Why was he so willing to be an intermediary?  Harriman was an American.  Did he need to be told how to treat this young British woman who he had an affair with?  Could there have been a hint of blackmail or pay back involved?

PAMELA DIGBY CHURCHILL HARRIMAN - DUMPY DEBUTANTE TO AMBASSADOR TO FRANCE

PAMELA DIGBY CHURCHILL HARRIMAN - DUMPY DEBUTANTE TO AMBASSADOR TO FRANCE

First published March 4th, 2019

Pamela Beryl Digby Churchill Harriman 

20 March 1920 – 5 February 1997

Pamela Digby was born into the aristocracy of Great Britain - the lowest rung of five, she was Honorable. Though her family lacked the money that some of her peers displayed when they were introduced to society formally, and though as a debutante she was considered not successful, and her early and first marriage to Winston Churchill's son Randolph was a disaster, she became known as The Courtesan of the 20th Century. She was the mistress of several important and wealthy men, and managed to marry three times. She seemed to work hard - study - these men to please them - and it could be argued that she actually wanted to marry more than one of them but lost at love. She was known for her femininity and her nurturance of them as well as her ability to help them make the contacts they wanted for business. She had few women friends but counted The Duchess of Windsor, the ex Wallis Simpson, as a close one. She might be thought of as a reinvention-of-self artist. A chameleon. A risk taker. She was ambitious for the good life. She had one, but crisis compelled her to move on, and on. The title of Sally Bedell Smith's book REFLECTED GLORY says a lot; Pamela reflected the glory of the men she enchanted. These men could have so very many women but for a time they chose her. Being her keeper was even a way for them to claim status.

Not one to write her memoirs or even keep a diary, perhaps no one really knew what she was thinking - or plotting - at any point in her life. Often she kept a game face and did not reveal her true emotions. She liked to keep the men guessing about their status in her life. So one has to know the person by the evidence of their actions.  Was she really just after other women's husbands or had the wives of those men not cared enough for them?  Perhaps she learned the lessons of her birth status: women were not heirs. If they wanted to live in style it was though marriage - or men - that one could. Had she not been introduced to society specifically to become engaged and married within a debutante season or two?  Had she not done her duty to produce a male heir - the grandchild of Winston Churchill the World War II era statesman - by marrying his son Randolph; he proposed she marry him on their first date specifically because he feared not leaving an heir as he went off to war himself.  

For those of you who have to coax your beauty, Pamela was considered dumpy in her teens and from mid-life on. She really had to work at it. She was not considered to be all that attractive - just average - and in her early years her clothes were barely fashionable. She was even ridiculed for her looks. Yet she lived through years in which her taste in clothing and upkeep of her hair and skin allowed her to be considered a great beauty. Her personality was cheerful and flirtatious but perhaps not spontaneous. Yet she was not known for her sense of humor and tended not to air her own opinions - not until she was widowed from her third husband and began to become a fundraiser for the Democratic party in the United States. It's said she was important to the election of President William Jefferson Clinton.  She became the Ambassador to France!  She lived into her 80's.

These next two months will be devoted to Pamela Digby Churchill Harriman.  Her life included many whose names have appeared here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT in the past. 

You'll be enthralled with her story.  And you'll learn why she is thought to have achieved what no other woman of the 20th century did; being kept by a "golden string of lovers" who had wealth and power.

Missy

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