A recent expose of people using e-media such as e-mail and texting to break up or, going low-tech by posting handwritten or banner signage on their lawns to let all the neighbors know, which then made it onto the Internet, had me cringing.
All these people were nasty and revengeful. While they maybe did not know better, I think they all knew what they were doing at the time - but did not consider the consequences. They thought they were outing the person who hurt them but they were also outing themselves. They were letting the world know they are losers at love and mean-spirited.
A person might be the one in the right, but as soon as the sign is posted everyone will be thinking or saying "It takes two."
Do your neighbors want to get involved? They may love gossip and have nothing better to do than spread it, but most people really do not.
Does someone else want to be partnered with someone so nasty and revengeful? No!
I realize that most of these people were in emotional pain when they did what they did, but they no longer have any privacy. There is little chance after stunts like this to perhaps resolve the issues and make the relationship better.
It's horrible for children to deal with. Now children at school will be talking about the sign on the lawn and asking the child of revenge seeking parents about their parent's relationship or making comments.
As for using text to develop a relationship or to break up. STOP THAT NOW!
Text should only be used when you cannot phone call and phone call should only be used when you can't talk in person.
This is a person who has shared your life, who you have been intimate with, and if you don't get that and can't be sensitive, I can't feel sorry for you.
If you have been dating, perhaps not exclusively, but it's been several months, and you know the other person has strong feelings for you developing, even if you have not had sex, you should break up with them in person.
Here are some guide lines.
If you have been married, engaged officially, or have been steadily dating after having a commitment discussion, or you have had sex, a break up absolutely must be done in person. The other person deserves that respect.
Do you have to give details such as why you are breaking up? Sometimes it is kinder not to. Forget "Cruel to be kind." That is hostility. Should you give details about the "other woman" or "other man?" That you are no longer in love or no longer want the partnership is more than enough. Will the person ask? Probably. What is the least hurtful response? I would say you can skip the details until or if it becomes important later.
What if that "other woman" is pregnant and you want a quick unpartnering because you intend to partner (or marry) that person in order to be a father to that child. I think that your current partner needs to know this is true. Your future does not just include another woman who you may or may not marry or be with a long time but also a child who is a responsibility for the next eighteen years or more and might become a half-sibling.
When it comes to that you want or need to break with someone because of a habit or a drastic difference world view, you have to ask yourself if you think the reason is something the other person could change. If they could change it why are you not giving them the chance to? Are you willing to change also?
If you dated a little, no sex, but you're calling time on the developing relationship, make a phone call. Don't ghost this person. A phone call will suffice. They deserve to know you are moving on so they won't waste time wondering.
Missy
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