SHOULD HE TELL HIS WIFE THAT HE'S BISEXUAL AND HELPING ANOTHER MAN FINANCIALLY? OPINION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

I thought I was happily married for years and then I met "Roger." Roger races cars.  He takes risks I couldn't.  He needed sponsorship and I provided it, with my wife's knowledge.  Then it turned into something more, something unexpected.  I still enjoy sex with my wife.  With Roger I'm careful. I can afford to help him financially, so from my own income I've been helping him more.  I'm in love with two people in two different ways.  What am I going to do? 

Down Low in Memphis

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Off to therapy you go, but you'll have to find a therapist who specializes in sexuality.  I know you're feeling really intense and maybe you're going to have two enduring relationships or maybe you just think so and will someday look back and think of Roger as an experiment.

These days lots of people, especially young people, experiment with their sexuality,  Maybe you never did.  My point is that I don't think one relationship with someone of the same gender proves you're bisexual or homosexual, not necessarily.  I think exploring in a qualified therapist's office may make things easier on you. 

For some people there is the "a - HA!" moment when they just know.  For instance one of my women friends told me that when she was 5 she saw another girl on the playground and felt an attraction. The girl was interested in the boys playing basketball so my friend decided she should be a boy and play basketball.  Today she considers herself bisexual but 90% of her relationships are with men, and she says that because she wants children that works for her. Being bi-sexual does not mean you have to have two people in your life at one time.

As for the money issue, my opinion is that if all the money in the marriage is split by the two people in it, each should get to spend some of their "own" money as they want to.  However, most married people seem to keep track of their spouses spending.  At some point I think you will probably have to make a decision to stay or go or have both people in your life, if they both agree. Your wife deserves to know of this change in your relationship with her, because she agreed to be married to one person, and makes her own decision about how she wants to live her life, with or without you.  I think you may want to include her in on your therapy sessions. 

I wish you the best.  Your situation isn't so unusual.

Missy


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ONE MAN IN NINE IS SEVERELY and VIOLENTLY ABUSED BY A DOMESTIC PARTNER

NCADV a GRASSROOTS ADVOCACY FOR ABUSED PEOPLE

EXCERPT: One in Nine men experience severe intimate partner physical violent, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and /or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post traumatic stress disorder, use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases....

OK - the stats on this site are frightening.

Learn more by visiting it. 

MEN VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SEEK HELP TOO LATE

REUTERS : MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SEEK HELP TOO LATE

EXCERPT:  Along with fearing they wouldn't be believed or would be seen as weak, men often stayed in abusive relationships because they felt committed to or concerned about their partners.  In other cases, they were too depressed, despondent, or traumatized to gather the strength to leave. ... Furthermore, victims were often unaware that services for them existed.  And when they did know about interventions, they didn't believe the interventions were likely to be helpful.  Some of the findings suggest that separate services are needed for men.  Portraying domestic violence services as a space for women survivors can be a barrier to help-seeking by men, the authors point out. 


***

Missy here.
I wonder how many men who are abused by their wives or girlfriends respond to it by seeking a romance elsewhere. 

ANGEL FLIGHT WEST : VOLUNTEER PILOTS FLY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVORS TO RELOCATION DESTINATION FREE

ANGEL FLIGHT WEST  Volunteer pilots and their support network arrange free relocation flights for domestic violence survivors across the3 twelve Western States. (They also fly medical transport missions, assist military personnel, work to move blood, organ, and tissue donations to the right spots, and fly transplant recipients...

A phone number is 888 426-2643

FRAMED BY BARS

NEW PRESIDENT

 

NUGENTS GRANDDAUGHTER OBJECTS TO HOW MARJORIE WAS PORTRAYED IN FILM

DALLAS MORING NEWS : BERNIES FAMILY HELPED SEND HIM BACK TO PRISON by Brandi Grissom

Excerpt: "You want to take everything about my family and make it dirty and nasty, but the truth is, that is what you are," she said Friday in the courtroom where a jury declared that Tiede must return to prison.  "You, sire, are nothing to me. You took my grandmother's life.  You took the last years of her life and you stole her money.  But you know what her legacy is? It's my family."

Note : Shanna was a teenager when her grandmother was murdered.

WEARING THE ORANGE

 

A SECRETIVE BERNIE TIEDI : SEXUAL ABUSE AS A CHILD - PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE BY THE WOMAN HE MURDERED

 TEXAS MONTHLY : BERNIE TIEDI NOW (2016) by Skip Hollensworth  "BERNIE IN HELL"

In this article, circa 2016, in Texas Monthly, writer Skip Hollensworth displays his conflicting thoughts and feelings about Bernie Tiedi.  I'm excerpting the points I think are most important.  Missy

... Tiedi quickly confessed, stating that he had initially enjoyed being around Nugent until she became "very hateful, " very possessive over my life" and "evil and wicked."  He admitted that he had been fantasizing about hitting her over the head with a bat but had ended up shooting her because he "didn't want her to suffer."

... Toward the end of the trial, he testified that he had loved Nugent even though life with her had been like "being in prison to some degree. . . being smothered"  He said that he'd never actually planned to kill her, despite what he'd said in his confession, and that when he'd done so, he'd felt as if he had watched himself pickup a gun and start firing.

... During her investigation, Cole discovered that among the items police had taken from Tiede's house after his arrest were four books on childhood sexual abuse.  She went to see Tiedi, and he eventually - and reluctantly - told her that he had endured years of molestation as a boy at the hands of an uncle, information that he had never revealed to his original lawyer.

... Cole asked a prominent Houston forensic psychiatrist named Richard Pesikoff to interview Tiede.  Based on their conversation, Pesikoff issued a report concluding that Tiede's "ability to repress and compartmentalize the abusive events from childhood and adolescence was ultimately overwhelmed by the repeated and extensive psychological abuse he suffered from Ms. Nugent."