SHE CAN'T MOVE IN BECAUSE HIS MILLENIAL CHILDREN WON'T MOVE OUT (and HE WON'T MAKE THEM) : QUESTION FOR MISSY

Question:


Hi Missy,

I'm a hardworking woman in her mid forties who put herself through higher education, earned a Master's degree, and make a decent salary.  Bart is fifteen years older than me and has two Millennial children he had late in life and who he sent to college.  They went away to school, graduated, started careers, and moved back in.  I love Bart but there is no progress in our relationship.  He won't move in with me in my much smaller house.  He won't tell his children they really need to get moving and live as adults on their own.  We need the room for our relationship.  Bart's wife died a few years before I met him.

I think of myself as a Mistress sort of because though I make decent money, he provides the extras that make life exciting and truly well lived.  I've never tried to replace his wife as the mother of his children.  They seem to like me well enough.  What's with this Millennial generation?  What should I do?


Sandy
Michigan


ANSWER BY MISSY:


Hi Sandy!

The cost of living is a factor and so is that, just as you have the extras that make life exciting and truly well lived because of Bart's generous nature, so do his children. (And that cost of living and need to pay for a college education is one of the reason some Millennial's become Mistresses!) I feel sorry for the generation that remains dependent on parents though intelligent and well educated and at the start of careers because they cannot afford to move out due to the cost of living. I truly believe that the experience of independent living is important for everyone, especially before marriage. But I bet these children can afford to move out and live on their own, at least with housemates, and just do not want to for other reasons too, such as remaining family though their mom is gone.  If Bart is truly wealthy, I think it would be a good idea if he bought them a house they can live in separate of him as their inheritance, or left the house that he raised them in with his wife to them and bought a separate house for the two of you.

So I do wonder if Bart really wants to move his relationship forward into living together or legal marriage at this time or not.  It sounds like you've talked about it and are frustrated with him.
I also wonder about your house. Is it the place that you two spend most of your time?  Have sex? Depending on your own financial situation, you might want to talk to Bart about selling it and buying a home together, though I generally think such a house should be purchased by a couple only after legal marriage, or if meant to be the residence of the Mistress, put in her name only.

By the way, Millennials not moving out and into fully independent lives, and parents who allow this also keep couples who might want to divorce married.  Any man who wants a mistress and still has healthy, educated, adult children at home, has a special obstacle to that goal.


Missy

LUCKY IN LOVE

NATIONAL GALLERY OF ART and the JACKSON POLLOCK CONNECTION

NATIONAL GALLERY OF ART

Andrew W. Mellon became one of the world's richest men and as a philanthropist began the National Gallery of Art.  His son Paul and Paul's wife Bunny continued their patronage and philanthropy of the art museum, a gift to our nation.

A tie in here at Mistress Manifesto is the art of Jackson Pollock, as in September 2012 his Mistress Ruth Kligman, also an artist, was our Mistress of the Month.  Use the Google search feature on the side bar for that month or posts about Pollock or Kligman!

LET IT BE ME - THE EVERLY BROTHERS

HORSESHOE

JOHN EDWARDS and RIELLE HUNTER and BUNNY MELLON

Back in 2008 the John Edwards- Rielle Hunter affair was the end of his candidacy for President of the United States.  Meryl Gordon's book on Bunny Mellon dedicates much of Part 17, Chapter 25 begins the details of Bunny's involvement in helping candidate Edwards hide his mistress Rielle who was pregnant with his child, from the American public through donations that clearly went beyond the campaign limits, though Bunny claimed not to know what happened to the money to a point or that this candidate who she loved and felt could be the next John F. Kennedy, had a mistress. 

Probably the reason Bunny remained unpunished was that she was 95 years old when she was so sure that Edwards would be the next president - and should be - since she was a patriotic liberal Democrat - and deserved the money for "personal expenses"  and a couple years closer to 100 when the game was over. Andrew Young was so willing to do anything to help his candidate win that after the 2006 meeting of Rielle and John that began their affair, he collaborated with a scheme to funnel money to Edwards. Young eventually even claimed to be the father of Rielle's child.

Edward's wife Elizabeth battled breast cancer at the time and as a result she got all the sympathy.  How could Edwards have an affair when his faithful wife she fought for her life?

Edwards hired Rielle to produce campaign videos for him and continued to pop up to see him on the campaign trail. 

The way around the campaign donations limit was, according to Gordon's book, sneaky fun for Bunny.  She was paying the living expenses for Rielle, thus keeping her so Edwards would not have to, by sending checks that were supposed to be for the purchase of antiques and furniture to one person who then routed the money to Young and to Young's wife's bank account.

The National Enquirer broke the story of the affair and then the "love child," and terminally ill Elizabeth separated from her husband.  Edwards only admitted the truth about his dual life after Andrew Young's book was ready to hit the shelves. In my opinion, he made a mess of things by continually lying to the public with his wife at his side, denying everything, though I can understand he at least didn't want to publically humiliate her.

Bunny's checks were monthly and for increasing amounts - $175,000,  $200,000 - and were not for the campaign itself.  Well, the FBI became involved.  Bunny said that she had no problem with a man having a mistress, nor did she think having a mistress would make a man less eligible for candidacy, but she thought a man should afford his mistress on his own.

Because Edwards and Bunny had become friends, frequently speaking on the phone, he and his daughter imagined they would be welcome to her funeral - but they were relegated to an overflow tent.


* Rielle Hunter is a self made woman who changed her name from Lisa Jo Druck and is said to have made the first pass at Edwards.

ANDREW W. MELLON (PAUL'S FATHER) WAS THE SOURCE OF THE MONEY BUNNY MARRIED INTO

MELLON ORG - History of ANDREW MELLON (PAUL'S FATHER)

The image below is from Wikipedia.

AS LUCK WILL HAVE IT

DORCAS HARDIN OBITUARY in THE WASHINGTON POST

Makes no mention of Paul Mellon...WASHINGTON POST - January 20 2006 DORCAS HARDIN


EXCERPT: "Known for her sunny personality and her sense of style, Mrs. Hardin was described in a 1949 Washington Post article as the "best dressmaker designer" in the city. In 1954, when it was difficult to come by designer clothing in Washington stores, she decided to open an exclusive dress shop that would cater to the city's prominent women.

Her small, tony boutique, called Dorcas Hardin, opened on Dumbarton Avenue in 1954. She carried clothing by designers Bill Blass, Oscar de la Renta, Ben Zuckerman, James Galanos and Pauline Trigere at a time when their creations were otherwise available only in New York."


A note: Bunny outlived Dorcas