WHAT RUINED BURLESQUE? IS THERE NEW INTEREST? WHAT ABOUT DITA VON TEESE?

In the chapter entitled Bye Bye Burlesque towards the end of Leslie Zemeckis' book,  Beyond the Burly Q, the author reports what various strippers she included in that book had to say about the end of the profession that sometimes also meant the end of their personal careers. Some of them would've aged out by the early 1970's anyway but some simply had no idea what else they could do for a living besides burlesque. They were used to being independent women who earned their own money.

When burlesque first developed as an art form it occupied a gray area of entertainment but was close to a variety show like vaudeville. It was about comedy and included a straight man and other often actors on stage. It was not necessarily about taking it all off. Then over a few decades things changed and the art form was challenged.

The reasons include:  

A new morality in which various cities banned burlesque, which included arresting dancers which made it difficult for them. 

In the 1960's. Go Go dancers who were also often dancing near nude and pole dancing.

The woman's movement (feminism).  (I suppose that in the 1970's feminists thought of strippers as women who were repressed by men, but it was also a time when sexual liberation influenced ordinary women.)

Drag shows by transgender burlesque entertainers and "drag queen" types.

Nudie films that were also shown in the same theaters or between live entertainment.  Some of the dancers were paid a little money to allow filming, not porn, but substitutes for live performances that were then showed in theaters.

Pornography, especially so.

Excerpt page 297:  By the 1960's, a 'burlesque" show was stripped of chorus girls minus the production numbers divested of novelty acts, and missing live musicians.  The emcees were gone, song and dance acts were banished, and specialty dancers were dropped.  

Blaze Starr remembers, "You were on the stage during your act and it was a huge club.  And over all the way across the building on the wall was hardcore porn."

Excerpt page 302:  Once the strip clubs came in burlesque was out. 

My notes. The strippers and others who had worked those theaters felt their art had been degraded by pornography.  However some think that burlesque exists in contemporary  entertainment, citing Lady Gaga, Madonna, Bette M, and RuPaul. 

The argument for the current existence of burlesque is that it was once low culture but went mainstream. The height of burlesque happened in the World War II era when there was a surge in popularity.  (This figures in the story of Blaze Starr being prompted to please the army men in an audience by taking off her top.) In 1931 it went to Broadway and at the 1933 Chicago Worlds Fair Sally Rand and Faith Bacon appeared with fan dances.

However, I think the popularity and success of Dita Von Teese challenges the idea that burlesque is a lost art.  I've watched her performances on YouTube videos (as well as the performances of some of other contemporary dancers). I think Von Teese has created shows that are of the highest quality and that her performances take into consideration how every move will appear to the audience.

C 2023 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

FANNY MURRAY : THE PRIVATE CLUB OF MEDMENHAM ABBEY

The same man who had devised the Divan Club, which had a brief existence, Sir Frances Dashwood, decided to form another club, this one that seemed to go without a permanent location for a while, which he called Order of Saint Frances.  The use of a saintly name was subterfuge or irony. Medmenham Abbey, in the countryside of Buckinghamshire, became the location where lewd activities were indulged. His faux 'monks' were to be entertained. It was a gothic retreat for members. "Nuns" were also supposed to live there, for the mutual enjoyment. By the summer of 1752 all was as he had planned. He wished to turn Christianity around and so the place was thought to be about witchcraft and Satanism, Masonry and worse- human sacrifice. Rumors of what went on there were probably exaggerated - even greatly so - but even made it into print in the sexual undergrounds. Rumors were that prostitutes were being sent to serve as 'nuns' from some of London's finest brothels. Other rumors were that the wives of the peerage - Ladies - made use of the place. The names of female participants were supposed to be held secret by the males who invited them. However, the names of famous known prostitutes came up and Fanny Murray was one of them. That said, Dashwood might also have invited those who were simply married and having affairs to use the place for meet ups. He might have simply found a location he could rent that went with his personal fantasy of badness.

It is likely that Fanny Murray attended a meeting or many in the years of 1752-1754.  If so she would have been called by another name, as a matter of ceremony perhaps since her visage was well known, and probably worn the garment of a nun as required of this mockery of Christian morals. As the most popular among the women at that time, she might have lead the revelries. Musical instruments and board games were provided, I suppose if you were shy or bored.

By the summer of 1854. however, Fanny was nearing the end of her days as a Courtesan. About this same time her eight year relationship with Sir Richard Atkins was ending too. And be it all true of not, the idea that she would have ended her last days as a Courtesan at parties at Medmenham Abbey, and far from the role of being the Mistress of one man, could have meant she was in peril.

This was the end of the Courtesan career of a decade in which Fanny Murray lived out her popularity. As author Barbara White suggested, her option would have been to go back into the rougher aspects of prostitution, become the madman of a bawdy house herself, or perhaps publish her memoirs and blackmail the men she intended to portray in them for more money. Other women in her situation had done that, for better or worse.

(Notes re pages 50-51-52-53-54)

And if she had not participated?  Well, this is the dark side of celebrity, when the marketing and public relations suffer and do not serve. 

C 2023 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Including Internet and International Rights Reserved

SHOULD YOU KEEP HIM? HERE'S SOME THINGS TO CONSIDER STARTING WITH LIFE ISN'T FAIR

FAIR IS FAIR, but life isn't, so being Kept shouldn't be different for men than for women, but biology and societal expectations, as well as the way you were brought up, still play a role in this decision. Especially if you're heterosexual.

I was thinking about a friend of a friend who I met at parties here and there, enough to get updates on his life.  Lyle (a fake name) came to California to pursue acting while a job in management at a factory his father owned always awaited him in the east.  He just wasn't interested in the family business. He was short, well built but not a muscle builder or athlete, and good enough looking.  His long term job at a famous men's clothing store was honorable enough.  He was good at sales.

He was even better at picking up women who came shopping in the store to buy gifts for the men in their lives, including friends, fathers, and brothers and current boyfriends.  Lyle didn't actually pick them up at the store but he conversated with them and joked around. One of his lines that his friends who were less able at seduction tried to use without success that seemed to work well for him was "So when are you going to ask me out?"  Then he would provide his business card.

Lyle let women call him.  Many did.  Perhaps out of curiosity.  By setting it up this way the woman was the pursuer.  It was almost as if he was announcing that he was up for a role reversal (i.e. the traditional role of male as pursuer of female, as well as the one that goes that it's the man who has to afford dating).  Can't say they weren't warned.

Lyle meanwhile honed his abilities to satisfy women sexually, or so the tale went.

Another thing Lyle honed was the ability to let a woman break up with him, even though he knew he was done, supposedly by letting her be the one who said the words, there would be less hurt feelings. So he'd hang in there, even if it took months, doing nothing especially wrong, or different, just waiting, while he flirted with others. That's still manipulative though, isn't it?

He'd moved in with a woman and played at being a sort of house-husband, for more than one woman who paid all the bills.  Last I heard, however, it seemed the women expected more eventually.  About a year was about as long as the women continued their experiment of Keeping a man who wants to work on his - well, fill in the blanks, screenplay, novel, art, music, acting.  (As a creative myself, I hate to pick on work in the arts here, but it's true to the story.)

As I've heard of many situations just like this one, just that most all of the other men who found this accommodation were married to the women who Kept them, I asked myself what was different.  The answer is that the men were full of confidence that letting a woman support them was absolutely OK, that they deserved to be supported, no matter how they were raised, while women these days seem to want financial independence, no matter how they were raised. 

Something to think about...

Missy

C 2020 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International RIghts

HUMAN RIGHTS WATCH on SEXUALITY by COUNTRY

HUMAN RIGHTS WATCH ORG : INTERACTIVE on SEXUALITY by COUNTRY

Here in the United States people have rights that people in other countries only dream of.  Here is a report which HRW will keep updating, about the countries where sexuality other than heterosexuality is against the law and where people experience harassment and discrimination far more than most do here.

MALE FEMALE MASCULINE FEMININE HETEROSEXUAL HOMOSEXUAL BISEXUAL TRANSSEXUAL : MORE LABELS THAN EVER

This Valentine month here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot, I pause a bit from the more usual Mistress of the Month format to look at a special topic... gender and sexuality. 

Do you have a Valentine who isn't heterosexual?



There are more ways to label yourself - and others - than ever. You no longer have to be or choose male or female, heterosexual (straight) or homosexual (gay) or bisexual (excited by both male and female persons) or pansexual (whomever turns you on.) There are MANY labels to describe how you experience yourself in your body and what turns you on and one of those does not include the body.

In keeping my promise to myself and my readers, there won't be anything pornographic in my posts or links. Should I receive comments, I hope some of you will have some suggestions for Mistress of the Month (or Mantress of the Month, a term I came up with for Kept Men) who are in relationships less conventional that the Classic Mistress. Do you know of someone who is perhaps Transgender and being Kept?  (Send me links to books, articles, media...)

Is it possible that the reason Mistresses of the female heterosexual variety are the most known is because as women not fitting a traditional role they are the most scandalous?  Is this a sexist bias?

I want to help you explore these gender and sexuality possibilities because they open up the definition of Mistress; when I hear of a Woman Keeping a Man, which is rarely compared to a Man Keeping a Woman, it's almost always a heterosexual relationship and with that come notions such as traditional roles and "role reversals."  

I've known of Older Gay Men Keeping Much Younger Gay men but there seems not to be many publications on that topic. Is that because it's more common in the gay world and being gay is more scandalous than being Kept?

I find labels only useful when you're seeking one and then only temporarily. Labels can be like a diagnosis. People can be self limiting using labels because once you declare yourself, you're still dealing with other people's expectations and stereotypes. So is claiming to be Pansexual a best option?

An example of how labeling can hurt your psychology? I was introduced to a friend's boyfriend and instead of saying his name and what he does for a living, he said "I'm HIV."  Not I have HIV but AM!  This diagnosis was no doubt life-changing for the man, but he was and is so much more!  OK, those two declared themselves gay long before they were involved with each other.  

I never knew what to think of another couple because the more masculine person, genetically male, kept saying he was NOT gay though he was involved with another man who declared he WAS gay for years. Perhaps Bisexual might have been a more realistic assumption for him because he once had a girlfriend?  Does that leave the option open that before you die you might find a woman attractive?

I'm more of an advocate for your personal privacy about your sexuality than not at a time when people are confusing being Candid with being Honest and Honestly with Transparency and so many people have made themselves public figures in a desire to be popular or famous who aren't even celebrities. I still think it's none of the business of your employer, for instance, what you do sexually or with whom. It's not professional to be talking about your personal sexual adventures or the details of your relationships at work or in your profession.  (The time to mention your commitment to your boss is upon your engagement (if it's in the papers) or by invitation to your wedding when you might have to change insurance.  Until then, don't take anyone on a date to the office party!)  I guess I still think there are situations were Coming Out is not a good idea. After all, you might change your mind or have an experience you never thought you would.

To research for this month I encountered lots of information on the internet that I want to share with you.  I'll also try to have some fun with this topic and give my opinions.  After all, we can't always be serious.

Missy

PS:  As mentioned in Pages, Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot complies with the Google Public Blogger guidelines and there are no sexually graphic images or language here.  There are no ads attached at all as I have not approved any.

Please keep any COMMENTS to the level of college classroom discussion.  I ask a lot of questions in this post.  Perhaps you'll want to answer one of them!

SEX WITH THE BOSS OK? or is that SEXUAL HARASSMENT?

HUFF POST - ONE IN FOUR MEN SAY SEX WITH BOSS OK

EXCERPT:

"A new Harris Poll found that nearly one out of four (23 percent) men in countries across the world thought it was sometimes or always acceptable for an employer to expect sex from an employee.

The poll, commissioned by the nonprofit humanitarian organization CARE and conducted by Harris Poll, was released Thursday for International Women’s Day. It surveyed 9,400 adults in Australia, Ecuador, Egypt, India, South Africa, the U.S., the U.K. and Vietnam.

“Being expected to have sex with your employer — that’s not a job description, it’s sexual abuse,” CARE CEO Michelle Nunn said in a statement. “It speaks to the global epidemic of harassment and abuse in our workplaces.”

Sexual harassment at work isn’t even illegal in nearly one-third of the world..."

Missy here. I've been sexually harassed on interviews and personally have never had a relationship, a flirtation, or sex with a higher up. But let me say that this is not exclusively a heterosexual issue.  I've met men who say that coworkers as well as higher ups have come on to them or made propositions -both women and men. This is an extremely important issue.  I believe one of the most common ways that a woman becomes a Mistress is through an affair with a higher up at her company.

RAY CHARLES and the RAELETTES - MARGIE HENDRIX and SEX ON THE ROAD TOURS

The early 1960's girl group Raelettes -Ray Charles' Touring Group. Margie Hendrix is the second from the left, and the featured singer. 

Margie wasn't the first or last background singer to be involved with her boss, the star of the show, and probably won't be the last.
Excerpts from Ray Charles own memoir BROTHER RAY read on Overdrive e-book:

"So I didn't - and don't - have a policy against hanky-panky among the girls and boys in the band.  How could I, as much as I loved to f-uck?  I'd look like a fool and I'd be a hypocrite.  The guys were adults and so were the women...  1279 -1280

HE SAYS HE DID HAVE SEX WITH RAELETTES.

"But I've never insisted that any woman sleep with me.  When sex happens between me and one of the Raelettes it happens naturally. It doesn't concern her pay or her music.  I never allow those two currents - lovemaking and music - to cross each other.
I'd never want to make love to a woman thinking the only reason she agrees is because I'm her boss. ... I have to feel she wants me as much as I want her...  1287-1288
I also have another personal sex policy.  If a girl's with another guy in the band, I leave her alone.  I don't want my cats thinking that I'm interfering with their business or their love life... 1289-1290

Finally everyone starts pairing off and the band gets hip to who belongs to who." 1293-1294

PORN ACTOR JOHN C. HOLMES and WIFE SHARON GEBENINI and MISTRESS DAWN SCHILLER LOVE TRIANGLE - PLAYED OUT THROUGH THE WONDERLAND MURDERS

UPDATE APRIL 2022 : Still a very popular post!  HERE IS A CURRENT LINK TO DAWN's WEBSITE:  She is highly involved in ending sex trafficking in Los Angeles County:

DAWN SCHILLER COM : BIO

UPDATE JULY 2018 :  This post has gotten a huge amount of hits lately and maybe that's just because the title has the word "porn" in it. I hope you'll be interested in linking to DAWN SCHILLER's non profit after you've read it and will donate.  And while you're here, I invite you to go through my Archives to learn about a great number of other Mistresses, for there are very many reasons why, including real love!  Also the GUIDE to ALL TOPICS by MONTH is in PAGES. Missy

Porn star John C. Holmes, his first, long term wife, Sharon Ann Gebenini, and his underage Mistress Dawn Schiller, make for a truly bizarre "Love Triangle."  No matter how philosophical you might try to be, their relationships were rife with abuse, especially because the violent drug addict this actor became got tied up in a murder of four people so brutal it was compared to the Manson Murders. Unlike the Manson Murders, also in a canyon in the Santa Monica mountains of Los Angeles, this case goes unresolved. But, before it was all over years ago, Holmes was one of the suspects tried and acquitted. Many people, especially those involved with drugs and dealing in the Los Angeles/Sunset Strip/Laurel Canyon area, were afraid for their lives.

I promised my readers long ago that this blog would be "no porn," and so I'll keep to the relationship of these three people who took, in my opinion, their mutual relationship into a truly mentally, psychologically, and physically punishing zone. 

I had no pre-knowledge of any of the players in this romance and tragedy. I've seen about one minute of film porn in my lifetime and didn't like it.  But one night I brought home a few films on DVD to watch, one called WONDERLAND, because Val Kilmer, an actor I like, stars as John C. Holmes. 

JOHN C. HOLMES  "WADD" DVD cover

Google Images

When the film proved too violent for me, I decided not to watch any more of it and I tried the companion disk called "WADD, The Life and Times of John C. Holmes", a documentary. There were Sharon and Dawn, testifying to their experiences, sitting in the dark, hiding their faces, while many other people associated with John C. Holmes; producers, directors, fellow actors in that business, as well as his second wife Laurie Holmes, spoke openly in the light. Dawn said she had been moved into their spare bedroom to be "the Mistress," her term, while John and Sharon continued to share a bed in their room.

John Holmes was known for his unusually large manhood, about twice the size of an average man, which was all it took to get his start in this industry when he was in his early twenties, back when vice squads chased people involved in "smut" around town to arrest them.  (The San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles is said to be a porn capital of the United States today.)  Holmes wasn't one to do the strutting stud routine.  He was a tall, lanky, every-man, a man other men could relate to as they watched the films and fantasized that they too could get the girl.  He was thought of as a gentle giant for a long time.

Holmes had left a crazy-filled childhood home, escaped into the military underage but with the signed permission of his mother, and got out an uneducated and average young man with no clear idea about what it was he could do for a living or with his life. He was clean living, willing to work, willing to try whatever employment he could get.  When he was driving an ambulance he met an educated pediatric nurse, Sharon Gebenini, whom he married in the summer of 1965. Sharon suffered three miscarriages.  What is unstated is that maybe her acceptance of Dawn into her marital home with John was satisfying her nurturing self. 

When John decided to get into pornography as an actor, he did so proudly, not even working under a fake name to start. (He did make some films under theatrical names, including Johnny Wadd, during his career. As a result no one is sure exactly how many he did make and estimates go into the thousands.)

Sharon didn't put up any strong objections to her husbands new found career. She would stick with him as his wife for years, their divorce not final until 1983, even as his sex career killed their relationship and they shared that marital bed as - you guess - friends?

In those days most women expected the man to be the breadwinner, especially if they wanted to have a family and stay at home and raise their children. Sharon was reportedly a devoted and excellent nurse then and for many years on, yet it's clear to me that she failed to protect herself from torment. 

Maybe she just didn't believe in divorce. She would never remarry or have children.

Sharon testifies in the film that she has never in her life seen a porn film, but it's difficult for me to imagine that she was so compartmentalized that she could shield herself from the realities of her husband's fame. John Holmes did so very many films, most one day shoots that were out for sale within a week or two, his picture on the packaging.  He earned top pay, starting at $75 a day, and eventually possibly earning up to $3000 for a film before his druggie lifestyle started to effect his employment, not only because he wasn't always showing up but because he couldn't reliably perform. He did interviews and said that he believed that watching porn helped couples sexually. (Ironic!)  As time went by he also had affairs and relationships, started drinking, smoking grass, and then using cocaine, and was missing from home a whole lot.

Holmes took up with Dawn Shiller, then fifteen years old in 1976, about ten years after marrying Sharon. Dawn testifies that he began a slow seduction after they met that lead to sex in a van parked at the beach, romantic and loving, but still she was a teenager to his thirty-something years. (Her testimony in her own book is at odds with what is said in the documentary.  In her book the sex caused her pain and a bladder infection and she was barely able to walk.) As their use of cocaine broke him financially, Holmes and Dawn went homeless, living in a car and motel rooms, and when John's thieving didn't provide enough, he expected her to prostitute. In 1981 after the murders, they fled together to Florida to escape the law. Before she made her escape from him she would be beaten repeatedly and pimped out by him.

Clearly both women were accommodating this man and unwilling or unable to leave their relationship with him, at least not for some time. 

Where were Dawn's parents or family? 

Why was Sharon complicit in allowing her husband to have sex with an underage woman and in their own home?  Did she not know better?

Here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO we're most familiar with the wife who allows her husband a Mistress so long as she is kept separate from their home, family life, and friends, so that she is never embarrassed.  Or, we are familiar with everyone participating in a triad or love triangle of adult age and maturity and mutually in the know. 

Sharon says she didn't know the entirety of the relationship between her husband and Dawn and is credited with treating her as a daughter and taking her "under wing." 

Why didn't she get a divorce and try having the family she wanted with another man?

Thinking this through, I realize that forever marriage has meant that many a wife gets used to having a criminal husband, and that being with a criminal may mean also being afraid: Mafia wives, for instance. 

Still, it's a mind-bender for me, how Sharon, a smart woman, with possibly an IQ of 160, could be in such denial and not know that her 30 something husband was actually a criminal, especially with Dawn.  I think mainly she did not want to know.  When he ran to their home to tell her he had just witnessed four people being murdered in July of 1981, she gave him money to run without wanting to know any details she'd have to reveal to the police. When he ran he took Dawn with him. To me Sharon was an enabler.

Holmes became the worst of addicts, without Sharon's participation.  On drugs and desperate for them, he was out of control and angry, and he got closer to the big dealers, and a criminal named Eddie Nash, a man who may have owned more nightclubs than anyone else in town and clearly was a source of supply. Nash was also known to the police as a person behind arsons.  Nash had a house on Wonderland in the Hollywood Hills where the murders took place.

Holmes was beaten by Nash's thugs, a beating Scott Thorson**, witnessed, and was there again when the bloodbath took place.  Eventually, Holmes was tried for murder and acquitted. Then he tried to get back into the porn acting business and there was (still) interest!  He told Sharon he wanted to make their marriage work and would find some other work, which she says she refused.

John is credited in the porn industry with promoting HIV testing all those years ago.  First he tested negative but then, six months later, he tested positive.  Even so, he went to Italy and made the last of his porn films without informing anyone of his illness, instead wasting away while he claimed to have colon cancer. Instead of cleaning up his life so that he could live for years, he increased all his health defying activities and ended up dead.  By then he had a second wife, Laurie Holmes, who he'd married in 1987, to leave as a widow, one who refused Sharon and Dawn to come to his death bed.

In a few days, I'll be excerpting from the book Dawn Shiller wrote called THE ROAD THROUGH WONDERLAND that came out in 2010 to detail the slow seduction and the fact that MANY adults suspected or knew that an disadvantaged and underage young woman was sexually involved with a porn star in his 30's. In media interviews separate of this documentary Dawn says that she did not get into how it was that she and Sharon made their peace and became life long friends in the book as the manuscript was already so long.

THE ROAD THROUGH WONDERLAND - Surviving John Holmes

by DAWN SHILLER

But maybe what's most important in the end is what these two women made of their own relationship, and it may stun you.

Sharon Ann Gebinini, born in June 1943, died in Oregon in October 2012, where she'd retired after years of remaining working as a nurse in Glendale, Southern California, past the Wonderland Murders, the trial of John C. Holmes, and his death.  Her obituary uses her maiden name and there is no mention whatsoever that she had ever been married to John C. Holmes.  However, what is mentioned is that she had two life long friends, and one of them was Dawn Schiller!

Out of this sordid story, Dawn Schiller is the survivor.  She used alcoholism to deal with the emotional pain of the life she lead with John Holmes but she got sober and achieved clarity. Then she got busy advocating for women who have been abused. She serves on the board of a woman's shelter and she started her own non-profit called E.S.T.E.A.M.  Sharon's obituary mentions that in her honor donations could be made to it.

A BEAUTIFUL INTELLIGENT SURVIVOR,  DAWN SCHILLER

from publicity photos found on Google Images.  Later we'll link to her nonprofit.

We know she had it tough but we want to yell Hurray Dawn!

C 2016  MistressManifesto.BlogSpot.Com  / MIssy Rapport  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

** Scott Thorson, Mantress of the Month in October 2012 due to his relationship with Liberace was a witness to the beating of John Holmes at Eddie Nash's. Thorson went into a Witness Protection program for a time and this is why he changed his name.

HE'S MR. RIGHT BUT SEX IS TERRIBLE - SHOULD SHE KEEP HIM?

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Missy, I think I've met Mr. Right.  I want to marry him.  He wants to marry me.   He has wonderful qualities.  He's educated, responsible, and he treats me like a lady. Trouble is sex.  We waited a long time.  Six months.  I was already in love with him.   I'm avoiding having sex with him.  I'm 29 and I've had a couple other relationships and sex was OK.  This is the worst sex. I'm beginning to think that the reason his other relationships haven't worked out is because of the sex.  I'm trying to track down one of his ex's to talk to her about it.  What do you say?

Maryanne
Cleveland

ANSWER FOM MISSY

Maryanne

Don't track down his ex and then expect her to instantly bond with you and reveal her personal sex business.  She's done with this man!  He is now your problem.

I say, you're 29 and worried that you'll never get married so you are making do with this man who is NOT Mr. Right for you. 

Sex has been called "the wild card" in relationships and I agree. 

I've asked some of my girlfriends what they think, and we all agree that sex does not get better because you get married.  If it's a problem when you're in the early stages of in love, it probably always will be.  It's always possible that this man would satisfy someone else, that it's just a basic incompatibility that no book learning or couple's workshops (sex therapy) would fix, but we think that's more for couples who had good sex for a while and then got bored.

So get this, Maryanne.

One of my friends had your situation.  She too had good sex with other men and then met Dirk.  She married Dirk and within a year they weren't having sex at all.  It was pretty awful when she figured it out.  Her husband is a repressed homosexual (old psychology terminology but useful) who is very uncomfortable, if not simply turned off, with a woman.  He wanted a wife so he'd look good to his boss at a conservative law firm and to his family.  She took a good hit to her self esteem and responded by having an affair that assured her that she was not the problem.

Another of my friends, in her twenties, dated a man in his forties and again sex was not good.  But she was very inexperienced and could only think it was her. He told her he was divorced.  He didn't tell her five times.  Each marriage was brief. She's now betting it was the sex.  One night he said something very strange to her about her fancy parts.  He made her feel defective.  This man also had a very good man friend who he talked to every day on the phone.  We're the two of them involved?  Who knows.  She says that it took her years to realize that there was nothing wrong with her fancy parts, that she is attractive, and that she was not the problem.

So BAD SEX can make a woman loose her self esteem and sticking with a MR WRONG is also bad for a woman's confidence.  Two reasons, of many, why a woman should not marry until she's had sexual experience.  (This is not to advise sleeping around or being very casual about an important, and for some sacred, experience.)

If you are actually thinking of marrying someone, then you should feel free to tell them that you are unhappy with sex.  We're all wondering if this man has any idea he's so sad in the sack! 

Look at this man as "almost right."  You want someone with his good qualities but you also want to have good sex when you are married, which we hope will be a forever marriage! 

Missy

C 2016  All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights

MENS GAZE VERSUS WOMEN'S GAZE CAN TELL SEXUAL ORIENTATION and INTEREST

LIVE SCIENE - MALE GAZE REVEALS SEXUAL MOTIVATION

EXCERPT:

The eyes have it.

Previous work has found that men, especially, give away their sexual thoughts with their eyes. The dilation of the pupil in response to sexual images, for example, can reveal sexual orientation reliably in men and in gay women, though straight women don't show such clear patterns.  Studies have also found that heterosexual men gaze longer at pictures of women than of men, while heterosexual women look at male and female images about equally.

PENELOPE WAS ASKED TO BE MARRIED A DOZEN TIMES BEFORE SHE WAS 18!

PENELOPE WAS ASKED TO BE MARRIED A DOZEN TIMES BEFORE SHE WAS 18!

 

I'll Never Forget The Day I Realized She Was "Boy Crazy!" 

 

We were fourteen, maybe fifteen years old, too young to drive, so Penelope and me were depending on a ride from her parents.  We sat in the back seat, her parents in the front, her dad driving as all dad's did even when their wives also knew how to, and when we passed some boys walking on the city sidewalk, Penelope went nuts.  Her mom went nuts too, trying to shut her up and shut her down as she went on and on. "Look at that one!  Isn't he cute!" she shouted loud enough for that boy to hear.  She let her tongue hang out of her mouth and mock panted.  "Stop it, Penelope!"  her mom yelled, embarrassed by her.  Her dad looked into the rear view mirror and shook his head.

 

Penelope was openly "boy crazy" and her parents, especially her mom, were totally uncomfortable with her display of lusty admiration for young men.  She was laughing and enjoying herself.  Probably enjoying getting her parents a little upset with her too.

 

Little did they know.  Penelope was testing her tantalizing power with boys as she eased into womanhood at a time and place when few parents would have advised their daughters to have sex before marriage.  Sex before marriage was called "pre-marital" as if there were an expectation of marriage.  When a girl was simply too young to be married or even engaged, but dating one boy steadily, who had asked her to be his alone, she would wear a "pre-engagement" ring. 

 

The local jewelry stores were buzzing.  Only girls who went with football players actually wore their big rings.

 

Penelope was told she should wait until she was married to have sex like everyone.  So when a boy wanted to have sex with her, she would say that she had to be at least engaged.  So Penelope got asked to be married a dozen times before she was 18.  It was, perhaps, an easy game.  She said what she expected, they said what she wanted to hear.  Maybe some of these boys even had some romantic hope or dream themselves but mostly they wanted to have sex with an easy, and increasingly experienced girl.  Because each one of her boys found the money - allowance - working for minimum wage somewhere -  maybe even borrowing money from their parents - to buy her a ring. 

 

Penelope's rings were not  glittering diamonds, sapphires, rubies, or emeralds, but small, semiprecious gems, the birthstone kind, the kind that had been polished in a tumbler, in silver, sometimes gold plate.  I'm sure she never gave any of these rings back when the pre-engagement or engagement turned out to be brief.  I wondered what she might think as she looked into her jewelry box and saw them there.  She couldn't wear them once the fling was over.  That would have given the wrong signal to other boys. 

 

Did she break with them or they with her?  It hardly seemed to matter.

 

My friend Penelope was always congenial, light-hearted, even happy, surely never too upset or depressed over what was not meant to be.  Romance and sex was an adventure to her.

 

She was one of the first women, for though we were girls we were also that, I ever met who was open and comfortable about negotiating a bit for what she wanted and expected, even if it was a game.  Most girls were too innocent, inexperienced, shy, or overwhelmed to know who they were, what they wanted, what they stood for, or how they were different than their parents, incapable of being self possessed enough to even say what they thought, to have opinions. (In the next year or so that would begin to change.)

 

Penelope managed to not become pregnant.  So many ignorant girls did and that was enough to scare a person celibate if parental warnings didn't.  She knew enough to tell her lovers they needed to bring something with them.  There was compliance.  No accidents. 

 

She was incredibly wise about the world compared to me, compared to most girls.  I attributed this to that she went to what was called "an inner city school."  Her parents were devoutly married.  Her mother was spinsterish.  Certainly Penelope wasn't raised to be anything other than a "lady."  Growing up in the city was faster, the parents less able to control or protect you.

 

Penelope became a collector of men.  What she began in high school continued into her years of young womanhood.  I would call her and she would tell me about the various boyfriends she had describing them as "A blond Norwegian," or "A Japanese."  Men somehow knew that she was available sexually, warm and friendly, dressed in flowing but modest clothing, for one thing Penelope never did was show off her figure or a lot of skin, and she seemed to have attracted an International Set.

 

I lost touch with Penelope.  Years later I learned that she had married someone that she had lived with for many years, someone from another race, ethnicity, and country, and I had to smile. 

 

 

C 2015 Missy Rapport / Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved  Including International and Internet Rights

EXCERPT and REVIEW : THE MALE BRAIN by LOUANN BRIZENDINE

page 61 CHAPTER on CONFIRMED BACHELORS

..."Frank was a confirmed bachelor and a master of seduction. He had well-rehearsed lines and knew exactly what to say and do to score sexual points. Phrases like 'You're so beautiful you should be a model' and 'I've never met a woman like you before' may be cliches, but Frank was so gorgeous and charming that most women were ready to believe his little deceits. And according to studies, Frank has plenty of company in this 'no strings, no commitment' mating strategy. They showed that deception serves an important part of men's mating strategy for short-term partners. And researchers found that three out of four men said they were willing to lie or "modify the truth" to persuade women to have sex with them. They found that the things dating men lie about are similar around the world. Men exaggerate their wealth, status, and business and social connections. Frank frequently exaggerated his income and financial prospects and rarely missed a chance at name dropping.

"Now that Nicole...heard Frank bragging about his latest conquests...she was so put off by his maneuvering that she tried to warn his newest girlfriend, Stacey. But it was no use. Stacey's brain and body had already fallen under Frank's seductive spell. What she didn't know was that each time she and Frank had sex, she was falling a little more in love - the Oxytocin released during her orgasm was binding her body and brain closer to Frank. But it was working the other way around for him. He was starting to get bored. The more Stacey tried to pin him down to future plans, the more he squirmed. he felt it was time to move on. No cage of domesticity for him...'

"To be sure, both men and women try to manipulate the mating game. But when it comes to using verbal deception, researchers have found that men are biologically more comfortable with it than women.'

MISSY says:

THE PROBLEM WITH BIOLOGY IS DESTINY BOOKS is that they make human beings, male and female, as simple as their gender. This author took no time to discuss male homosexuality and I suspect that if she were to examine that culture, even in context to biological theories or evidence, she might find many exceptions to the rule.