I was thinking about a friend of a friend who I met at parties here and there, enough to get updates on his life. Lyle (a fake name) came to California to pursue acting while a job in management at a factory his father owned always awaited him in the east. He just wasn't interested in the family business. He was short, well built but not a muscle builder or athlete, and good enough looking. His long term job at a famous men's clothing store was honorable enough. He was good at sales.
He was even better at picking up women who came shopping in the store to buy gifts for the men in their lives, including friends, fathers, and brothers and current boyfriends. Lyle didn't actually pick them up at the store but he conversated with them and joked around. One of his lines that his friends who were less able at seduction tried to use without success that seemed to work well for him was "So when are you going to ask me out?" Then he would provide his business card.
Lyle let women call him. Many did. Perhaps out of curiosity. By setting it up this way the woman was the pursuer. It was almost as if he was announcing that he was up for a role reversal (i.e. the traditional role of male as pursuer of female, as well as the one that goes that it's the man who has to afford dating). Can't say they weren't warned.
Lyle meanwhile honed his abilities to satisfy women sexually, or so the tale went.
Another thing Lyle honed was the ability to let a woman break up with him, even though he knew he was done, supposedly by letting her be the one who said the words, there would be less hurt feelings. So he'd hang in there, even if it took months, doing nothing especially wrong, or different, just waiting, while he flirted with others. That's still manipulative though, isn't it?
He'd moved in with a woman and played at being a sort of house-husband, for more than one woman who paid all the bills. Last I heard, however, it seemed the women expected more eventually. About a year was about as long as the women continued their experiment of Keeping a man who wants to work on his - well, fill in the blanks, screenplay, novel, art, music, acting. (As a creative myself, I hate to pick on work in the arts here, but it's true to the story.)
As I've heard of many situations just like this one, just that most all of the other men who found this accommodation were married to the women who Kept them, I asked myself what was different. The answer is that the men were full of confidence that letting a woman support them was absolutely OK, that they deserved to be supported, no matter how they were raised, while women these days seem to want financial independence, no matter how they were raised.
Something to think about...
Missy
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