THE MARRIED MAN : THE ROCHES

MYTHS ABOUT MISTRESSES THAT NEED TO BE BUSTED

MYTHS ABOUT MISTRESSES THAT NEED TO BE BUSTED

You've seen the articles and books that would have it that EVERY MISTRESS IS THE SAME and, well, yes some women are going to fit these "truisms." If you're a mistress or are becoming a mistress, you'll have to think about these notions and self assess honesty to decide if they fit you. But let's challenge a bit.

POSSIBLE MYTHS

1) YOU DO AND SHOULD FEEL GUILT about him spending time with you instead of his wife and/or children. All sorts of things trigger that guilt (such as moralistic films.) The exception  to being guilty is that she cannot be guilty because she doesn't know he's married so she does not know she's a mistress.

2) SHE DIDN'T EXPECT TO BE A MISTRESS, it just happened, as the result of a fling or affair.

3) SHE'S JEALOUS of HIS WIFE and the public approval and attention she gets because she wants to be the wife.

4) SHE KNOWS SHE MADE A MISTAKE and HE IS MR. WRONG (because he is married) but stays in the relationship anyway because she is emotionally attached to him. She makes excuses for him.

5) SHE SEES A FUTURE WITH THE MAN. Even if years go by, she is in waiting to be the next Mrs.

All of these assumptions suggest a woman is not in control of her life and doesn't have a choice or make decisions.

HERE IS WHY NOT:

1) He does not have to be married at all (or in any serious committed relationship) in order to have a mistress. Adultery is often defined as a married person cheating. She herself may not be married and therefore may not be committing adultery.

2) She may not want to be married to him or married at all at this time or any time in her life. 

3) She may have good reasons to think he is Mr. Right, or at the very least better than any man she has met before or is meeting currently.

4) She may value her own time, her own other relationships including friends, her own career, her own freedom to travel.

5) He may not have children, she may not have children, or the children are grown or independent.

6) He may be going through a divorce, be legally separated, and she may not be the cause of it.

7) She may understand that he does not want to marry (or have children) again.

Further:

1) He may not have been seeking a mistress but find himself having one.

2) His wife may know - and approve, even encourage him, for her own reasons, to be with another woman.

3) Some people "with eyes open" choose to be in a romantic triad.

Missy

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LOOKING FORWARD

From a vintage 1859 Botanical Book via Graphics Fairy.

 

LESLIE MCRAY ON AGING OUT OF INTERNATIONAL MODELING

Excerpt:  Page 71 (This is the lowest point Leslie experienced as a mistress...)

"I was forty in a world where players in their twenties were overage. I had come to recognize that I was addicted to a highly destructive life-style. Increasingly I had been involved with men who were violent toward me, yet with whom I continued to associate. I retained photographs of myself from when I was a top international model. I framed a letter from the office of a major presidential adviser. I talked of what was happening in Monte Carlo, Cannes, Rome, London, Paris, and other sections of the world, but I was speaking of past trips, past associations. The telephone no longer rang with offers for the modeling jobs I once dominated. The men who contacted me were fewer in number, less sophisticated that in the past, no longer, the world's elite. My time was past and I knew it."

Excerpt: Page 73

"Then there was another man because there had always been another man. "Use my house, consider my staff your staff, drive my car." It was a familiar litany I heard and I fantasized that all was well again. I was still in the game, still competing with the twenty year olds ...still a prize to be won by men who competed for the attention my presence on their arm would bring... But the man who loaned me his house could not keep me there, did not want me there. He had his own life, his own kept woman. I was no longer his but merely a friend, or perhaps a faded memory for whom he retained enough love or enough guilt to provide what was a little more than a few day's vacation... I was on the streets, living from my car, desperately calling men I knew, yet trying to disguise the panic in my voice...

C 2010 - 2024 Mistress Manifesto Blogspot

MISSY ON WAITING TO BE A MISTRESS UNTIL YOUR LATE TWENTIES OR EARLY THIRTIES

Question for Missy:   

I've been reading over your Opinions and Advice, Missy. Do you still think that women should avoid being mistresses until they are in their late twenties or early thirties?

Margarite

Memphis

Answer from Missy:

Yes, Margarite I do think that, because I think a young woman in her late teens into her early thirties is/are just getting to understand herself, her sexuality and gender is part of that. Also statistics reveal that, although Americans are generally waiting longer to marry, they still tend to have a first marriage during this period. This is not to say that being a mistress is not as good as marriage or that everyone achieves self-knowledge early, or that people can't change their mind about their gender or sexuality later in life.  

Considerations are : Notions about marriage.  

What would you negotiate as the perfect marriage for yourself?  

Do you want to be married?  

How independent are you?

Although a Classic Mistress is said to be in a Shadow Marriage (a marriage like commitment) there's lots of pressure in our society to be with just one person at a time.

LUSH THISTLE

TRUE TO SELF : DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES

"I shall be true to myself"

What does it mean to be true to yourself?  I think it's about self knowledge and acceptance and being genuine. Let's take Anna LaChapelle Clark as an example. Of course she had tremendous financial resources, but most women in her financial position felt obligated, even aspired to, be very social.  Such women spend most of their time reinforcing their position in society by make calls on other women of their stature. Dressing the part and making these calls took up much of their days. It seems Anna was just not into that lifestyle so she didn't bother. 

There is a peace in not having to be "on" all the time, of not being an actress, or not always trying to sell yourself or something. Anna preferred a more private life and to associate with those she chose, even if they were not as wealthy as she and W.C. Clark. 

Anna also chose to be with a man over 40 years older than she and, though they offered little explanation or apology for it, in a controversial relationship. She and W.C. chose to keep the relationship and not go out of their way to defend it or explain it other than making a public statement about it when he aspired to political office. It doesn't seem to have held his career back any.

Being true to yourself requires that you also let others be true to themselves and understand it when there are just some things someone else is not interested in or won't do.  You don't spend a lot of energy trying to change them.

C 2014 - 2015 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot First Published December 13, 2014

EATING DISORDER HOTLINES : IT TAKES BRAVERY TO MAKE THAT FIRST PHONE CALL

IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER. Here's a start:

EATING DISORDER HOTLINES

When you look in the mirror, do you see yourself as you are, or imagine you're too fat?

FLOWERING