NO TWO ARE ALIKE

 

SHE WAS A SUGAR BABY and NOW SHE'S BACK TO JUST DATING : WHAT'S IT LIKE?

This article was in Refinery and is by Arese Sylvester.  She offers advice on how to play it safe and find the right Sugar Daddy for you.

REFINERY : DATING AFTER BEING A SUGAR BABY

Excerpts:  Dr.Milo Gudelski, licensed psychologist and sex therapist, explains that some sugar babies struggle with recognizing sugar dating as a business and separating it from their personal lives.  When the two get mixed up, expectations may become unreasonable, selfish and problematic. "I have seen this happen where sugar babies get accustomed to receiving gifts simply for showing up.  It is easy for folks to loose themselves in this mindset and when this happens, the ability to form deeper connections in relationship is stunted." ....

The key to sugar dating is protecting your emotions so you can really finesse and get to the bag," says Dash Preistley, dating coach and former sugar baby.  Priestley, who grew up an unaffectionate person, says that sugar dating exacerbated this and emotionally desensitized her.  "I like to think of being a sugar baby as playing a character and you have to turn off this character when you're pursuing something more long term.  Sometimes, you can't really turn it all the way off though."  Another speed bump in the life after sugar dating is met when sugar babies become accustomed to choosing romantic partners for the wrong reasons.  In regular relationships, security is related to several components like shared goals, common values, emotional and intellectual compatibility...

Missy here!

I personally cannot control my emotions to shut them on or off.  I think not feeling, resisting, or devaluing emotions is not healthy.  Also, I have to tell you that I have never used any dating sites.  I think it's best to meet people in person.  I also don't know anyone who found a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mamma using a dating site.  The people I've known who had arrangements met organically and were not hard-core with demands or making arrangements.

Sometimes a woman doesn't think of herself as as Sugar Mamma, just someone who is doing well enough to be generous to a man.  The arrangements I've heard of where that the women did have some expectation that the man would eventually catch up with them financially, because the arrangements that he live with them without contributing or always being on the receiving end eventually did result in them asking the man to move out or a break up.  It seems to me that men still have every advantage when it comes to networking, education, and job opps - some more than others - depending on the work they're in. 

If you're considering an arrangement, check in with yourself and be clear about what you expect.  Be open to some renegotiation.

TWO SUGARS FOR TEA

 

SUGAR BABY? SUGAR DADDY? : PLAYING IN THE FANTASY

Some people think being a Kept Person is all about being spoiled. Some people assume Mistresses are all poor women who have luxury conferred upon them by rich men. It is not always so. There are many ways to love and many ways to have an alternative relationship.  Sometimes there is no extra money at all. This blog explores the many ways. But I think the financial aspects of alternative relationships is something that goes less commented upon, even when we find examples in the memoirs, biographies, and other non-fiction books that I excerpt from.

Some of you, my readers, may have already had the experience of being a Sugar Baby, or a Sugar Mamma or Daddy. But others only think about or hope for a relationship in which the other person is generous. Where the other person has more than you do to share financially.  Where the other person is going to make your life a bit easier. Where you feel no guilt or a sense that you have to pay them back because they truly want to do this for you and can -no sweat!

When is the last time you were invited out to a restaurant and did not feel you had to pitch in - at least for the tip? Or buy the dessert?  How did you feel about it when someone else chose the restaurant and you found out that they did not want to treat you, but wanted you to split the bill?  Do you feel comfortable with accepting an expensive gift?

Let's play in that fantasy!

Missy

DOROTHY KILGALLEN'S AFFAIR WITH JOHNNIE RAY: SHE BIRTHS A THIRD CHILD AND THE FATHER IS NOT LIKELY HER HUSBAND :

 Notes and Excerpts:

Dorothy was competitive by nature and liked to win, so when she became a panelist on the television game show What's My Line, she was respected, if not enjoying a camaraderie with her fellow panelists; their various personalities made the show, which involved guessing the profession (i.e. line of work) of a guest. Her career in reportage continued. In 1953 she covered the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II wearing 'a voluminous gown with more than fourteen thousand embroidered jewels and pearls that were encrusted at the scalloped neckline.  She placed a tiara on her head, put on her white mink cape lined in silver lame, grabbed some pencils, and was off to Westminster Abbey. ... Dorothy's apparent fragility continued to bring out the chivalric in the male animal... (page 238)

(With her husband Richard Kollmar's endeavers in the theater and a restaurant called The Left Bank, he was rarely around. She was tremendously busy too. However, she did not want to be seen socially without a male escort and usually found one.  As for Richard, as he hit middle age, he was rarely totally sober and began to bloat while Dorothy was healthy and energetic. She found other men attractive and had lost respect for her husband. Never the less, the couple bought a five story town house right off Park Avenue, a another upgrade in housing, this one taking most of their income. They had been married fourteen years.)

Excerpt: 'The union that produced their third child was suspiciously identifiable. They were late for a dinner party at the Boscowitzes, offering a flushed and clearly bogus excuse.  Hubie and Lillian giggled at their embarrassment and could pinpoint, years later, the evening Dorothy had conceived. ... He was named Kerry after a county seat in Ireland and Ardan for an Irish warrior who, Dorothy wrote, "was said to have the most beautiful singing voice in all Erin.' (page 253)

'In the early part of 1956, Johnnie Ray appeared on 'What's My Line? as a guest celebrity.  The twenty-nine year old singer, sandy-haired and boyishly lanky, was still headlining in clubs, though the hysteria of the early 1950's had cooled. He remained, however, one of Dorothy's pet-pailletted crushes.  Endsville!' (page 278) 

(After this evening, the two saw each other socially and she started being nice to him in her columns. She was 44 and this was her first affair. They even went to The Left Bank restaurant together but she never joined him when he went on the road to tour.)

'Johnnie did not possess the polish and panache to which Dorothy had gravitated all her life.  He was tender, guileless, show-biz smart but essentially neither intellectual nor verbal... (page 279)

'Johnnie, Johnnie, Johnnie lit up the life she had.  She mentioned him so often and so effusively in the column that he had to tel her to cool it. (page 280)

'She came to Johnnie with staggering emotional and physical appetites  She had not had any sexual relations with Richard for years... (page 283)

'Johnnie was fond of Dorothy and attracted to her, and a bit in awe.  He did not have the macho peer problem that turned so many men off. That she was not regarded by the community as beautiful did not affect his feeling for her or his pride in being seen with her... "She was probably the most feminine woman I've ever known, " Johnny said. "And I always thought she was a pretty lady - the softest thing you ever touched...' (page 283)

'She bought him gifts from Bergdorf's and Cartier including a pair of cuff links with diamonds and sapphires, which he was afraid to wear because of their value.  He sent her lavender roses when he could get them from his little corner florist. "They were almost steel-blue and gorgeous,  I think they were brought in from Holland...  She was as sentimental as a pop tune.  Johnnie was constantly receiving surprise packages... (pages 286-287)

(Some of her friends didn't like him and some dumped her. After some time Dorothy and Johnnie became less discreet. They were excessively together and sometimes openly affectionate.  People thought Dorothy had radically changed.  Johnnie considered himself heterosexual and Dorothy thought of homosexuals as feminine men, which Johnnie was not.)

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THREE MISTRESS MAY COMING UP!

Hello My Readers, 

May 2023 is going to be a bit different than most months here at Mistress Manifesto. 

For the first few days of the month - and then the last few - I'm going to post on two women who have been Mistress of the Month... I bet you can guess at least one of them!  The other?  That Mistress of the Month is back in the news because of a special documentary, her own project!

In between, please continue with me as we explore the Alternative Lifestyle of the famous reporter and "What's My Life" television celebrity, Dorothy Kilgallen, whose life may have been ended in murder - the modern version of poison - an overdose.  Was her husband a suspect? Had she managed to shame him with her long term love affair with bisexual pop singer Johnnie Ray? Or, perhaps was it that she was so close to the truth about who had assassinated President John F. Kennedy and someone wanted to stop the truth from coming out?  Mark Shaw, the author who wants to get justice for Dorothy, has worked hard at it.  I feel I can do my part here and, who knows, maybe YOU have information for him that can make a difference.

If you've just hit on this post, or this blog, first, we began the famous Dorothy Killgallen saga in May 2022, so you may want to go back a little to start.

As well, I encourage you to read back a few months. Perhaps you'll find the story of someone who was just like YOU!

Missy

COMING UP : AN INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALIST TRIES TO REOPEN A DEATH INVESTIGATION OF A HIGH POWERED WOMAN IN AN OPEN MARRIAGE

Hello My Dear Readers!

Over the next two months I'll be delving into the Open Marriage and Love Affair of a Reporter who ended up suspiciously dead. 

I was going to do what I usually do, and devote one month to this married woman, who was not a Mistress in the traditional sense, and perhaps instead Kept her husband, while being a bit of a Sugar Mama to a man who didn't need her money.  But, with luck, I was able to obtain two more juicy books that I found enhanced my understanding - and will yours - and as I bookmarked and excerpted from three books and tried to fit it all in 30 days, reasonably spaced, I realized there was no way I could be fair to my subject without giving it two months.

This story has interested me for a couple years now and I think it will interest you also.

It is also my hope that increased interest in this case will help the investigative journalist who has done so much to create interest in the first place, through intensive research, book publications, and speaking engagements, that include interviews on radio and can be found in YouTube videos, further his quest to get an investigation into her death opened.

Missy

PATSY CLINE - YOU BELONG TO ME

DELICIOUS SUGAR DADDY

SHE'S A HOT SUGAR MAMA and HE'S HAPPY TO BE KEPT! FEBRUARY 2013 IS SUGAR MAMA AND DADDY MONTH!

I met "Veronica" through friends.  She's in her fifties, has a great sense of her own style and pulls together her signature outfits - just a little showy yet conservative - by shopping vintage and thrift stores, but does she know how to shop!, and is still very pretty, no wrinkles, but then maybe that's because she's pleasingly plump.  Veronia is African American, and only in the last few years has she lived outside the Black community in a more integrated area. 

One day, sitting outside at a cafe lunching with her, a much younger man came by.  He was all smiles and she was blushing deeply, yes like a school girl.  Soon I realized that she was his Sugar Mama.

If you knew Veronica's life story you would be amazed that anyone could make her heart pound so, that she could blush, and have such a crush on any man.  She's overcome a lot of heartbreak and abuse.  Her mother was nowhere for her and her father a torment.

What makes Veronica's lifestyle so different is that she has not only supported herself since she was 16 years old but supported men less than willingly for years. 

Finally, she became independent and then she started supporting younger men by choice. 

The man who makes her her heart pound and her cheeks blush is 30 years younger than her and he knows he has a good thing going.  Veronica is aware that he is also dating and having sex with women his own age, though she hates to know it, but she still gives him a twenty here, a hundred there; more than once she gave him a couple thousand.  He knows that she is always watching his back and that he will always have a place to stay with her, if he chooses. 

Maybe she knows that the day will come when he leaves those flirtations behind and comes home to roost?

MORE AND MORE OFTEN I OVERHEAR MEN, especially younger men in their twenties, saying that they want to be stay-at-home fathers, or will let their wife work and support them.  They seem to feel very comfortable with the idea, and do not consider themselves to be "gigolos" or take on any other derogatory label.  Is this about the fact that men seem to have much better self esteem overall than women?

These men feel that the relationship is their private business.  They feel entitled to live better than they can afford to on their own income.  Some are artists or musicians and feel that artists have had wealthy patrons for centuries so why not them!

More than once a younger man has looked to me to be generous or support him.  Personally, I have to pass!

This month I celebrate the Sugar Mamas and Sugar Daddys out there!  YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! 

Missy

 

MISSY ASKS YOU ! ARE YOU A SUGAR MAMMA?

SUGAR MAMMA?

I know a woman who cannot afford to be, but when she sees her much younger man, she blushes, her heart tries to fly out of her chest, she has a difficult time saying no. She has sometimes suffered because she gave to much and he took. No, they were not having sex. Their relationship seemed to be the world's oldest crush.

Is the SUGAR MAMMA a manifestation of feminism? Is it simply role reversal?

Or have women who had a little more always been willing to give to another, with love?