IN PRAISE OF DIFFICULT WOMEN by KAREN KARBO : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW / HELEN GURLEY BROWN

 Subtitled Life Lessons From 29 Heroines Who Dared to Break the Rules.

 Mistress Manifesto Book Review:

The 29 Women given attention in this book are the favorites of author Karen Karbo so the list might not be what you'd come up with. What I found interesting was that a couple of the women she calls "Difficult" have been featured here at Mistress Manifesto. Personality wise I don't think all the women she lists and profiles were Difficult, for some of them surely must have been Charming, rather most of these women persevered through difficult times because perhaps in some cases they were trail blazers, doing what used to be called "man's work," or managing to make it in life despite starting out with disadvantages, or noteworthy because they stood for something. Others are simply fascinating or original or gained fame: Josephine Baker, the Black American exotic danger who became all the rage in Paris in the 1920's or Edie Sedgwick, artist Andy Warhol's muse for a year who made 18 films with him, and was an "It" girl, but also a drug addled eccentric who went through a fortune and died of an overdose. I find both Josephine and Edie interesting.

The women who were elected to both author Karne Karbo's panthenon as well as mine, are

CoCo Chanel and Helen Gurley Brown.  I'm also interested in Diana Vreeland and Martha Gellhorn but Martha is one woman I have yet to cover, though her relationship with writer Earnest Hemingway would qualify her as a Mistress of the the Month.

The profiles admit the foibles.  

I've done a lot on CoCo Channel here but not much on Helen Gurley Brown. So to retell her story :

At around forty, Helen was newly married for the first time, had just recently spent a fortune after scrimping and saving for years, on a used luxury car, and was the highest paid woman copy writer in the business.  Her husband, David Brown, who had been in the literary world and became a film producer, suggested she write Sex and the Single Girl. In 1962 it sold two million copies in three weeks and was considered controversial.  (Even if stats said otherwise, people were supposed to wait until married to have sex.)  In it, she suggested the book was supposed to be for women who, like her, did not come from having advantage. It was full of advice.

Helen Gurley Brown's book did get some bad reviews.

She was one of the first authors to go on a book tour and visited 28 cities in 13 weeks. Radio - Television - she got hate as well as fame and the movie rights were purchased by Warner Brothers.

However, besides working hard for years, it was her husband's connections that got her attention when it came to taking over the editorship of Cosmopolitan magazine.

"Helen was 43 when she took over as editor in chief. Her magazine experience was limited to reading them.  She might as well have been entering an operating theater to perform an appendectomy.  Every person on her staff had more experience than she did, including her own secretary.  She had no idea how to manage people, oversee editorial budgets, and translate her vision into magazine-ese. " (Page 145)

"To whatever degree she felt truly terrified or insecure, Helen never abandoned the central organizing principles of her life; to trust her gut and work harder than everyone else. Her gut said, If I care deeply about men, sex, love, money, and looking hot at all times, other women will too. Her premise was simple and answered the hoary old Freudian question" What do women want?" (page 145-146)

So, I do think this is a good book, and because each chapter features a mini bio of a woman, you can always skip the ones you are not drawn to read.  You might, however, discover there is someone you want to know a whole lot more about!

C 2023 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

Book Review  All Rights reserved including Internet and International Rights

You can bring up past posts that mention Helen Gurley Brown using the search feature embedded in this blog.  She wrote more than one book, beginning with Sex And The Single Girl, which at the time it was published in the 1960s was considered outrageous. 

ANNA BEY : UPLEVELING INFLUENCER and HONORARY MISTRESS OF THE MONTH

 ANNA BEY

One of many images found on Google Images of Anna, who herself posts many images on Instagram.

Just when I thought to honor ANNA BEY with an Honorary Mistress of the Month because I think she'd be (or maybe has been) a successful Mistress, she started the year out by getting married. She moved to Geneva, Switzerland from London, England. She married her love, a man originally from Lebanon, a banker whose privacy she will respect, in a small civil ceremony due to Covid-19 restriction. She'd been with him for about three or four years. She says they'll get around to a proper church wedding after Covid-19.

But that doesn't mean she never was Kept.

I first encountered Anna on YouTube and I must have watched every one of her many professionally made videos in which she talks about elite life; fashion, composure, etiquette, and many other subjects of interest to those women who want to "level up." She starts by addressing her audience as "elegant ladies."

I found that I agree with her on some of what she has to say, though not everything. One thing I strongly do not agree with Anna about is that if a man has women friends he is just not that into you. I'll write more about that later in this month.

I find Anna Bey to be beautiful, charming, intelligent, wise, accomplished, and willing to help other women. She runs her School of Affluence for a reasonable fee, an online finishing school, or you can go to one of her websites where she posts free advice pages to supplement her videos. (You sign up on her mailing list.) I'm convinced that she is sincere in her willingness to share her lifestyle philosophy, that she has learned from harsh experiences in her own life, and that she can be a positive influence on other women. She says no matter what path you've been down, you can always turn around.

Anna believes in self improvement from the inside out though she first became known for modeling fashions she approved of. You can even listen to her video about which handbags that costs thousands are not classy. She even wrote a book on how to be classy. 

Yes, she spent $10,000 to get her nose done and wears hair extensions but she's a also into positive affirmations, dream boards, journaling, astrology, and psycho-therapy too, for as long as it takes. 

Of course, here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT, we know that there are very many ways to love, and that there are very many ways to be a Mistress. In fact, sometimes, with so many people living together today without marriage, it becomes a bit difficult to know what adultery is. Plus some women knowingly and willingly share men and not everyone is interested in monogamy. 

Being a Mistress does not require adultery. It often does but unmarried men have Mistresses too. I'm also sure when I say that being Kept does not require that you be fully supported financially by another person. Though a Classic Mistress expects and gets this, today there are few Classic Mistresses. 

I think a woman's independence begins with education and work. Opportunities for women are better now than ever, at least generally in the West, though still not at all equal to what men have overall. Covid-19 has effected women's employment far more than men's: I was told that by a person who works to help women gain job experience at a non-profit. As a result of today's desire for independence, most women like to be working at something, paid or unpaid. Women like to have their own money, which they earn. For Anna this has become teaching and running her business. She advises women to get busy. She also says the reality is most women who gain an elite lifestyle do so through men.

Has Anna benefited from a man's generosity? Surely, for she advises women not to keep cheap men in their lives and says rich wives should not be embarrassed about living off their husbands.

A moment here from me about "Sugar."

A Mistress and her Man are not in "just" a Sugar Baby and Sugar Daddy relationship either, though some of those experiences become loving relationships that endure. We have to be a bit cautious because there are people who sign on to be Sugar Babies who might be living as escorts or a Sugar Daddy might see it as hiring one rather than having relationships.

Sure there may be economic benefits to being a Mistress, but that's not all there is to it. If that's all there is to it, it probably won't last. Mistresses love their men and their men love them too or what's the point? Why would you chance being punished for going against the social norms or get dragged into a terrorizing divorce to tie yourself to another person in a unloving relationship when you could be out there looking for love? 

Here in the pages of Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot there are examples of women (and some men) who have been Kept, completely, a little, a while, or a lifetime! 

Although I don't know so, I get the feeling Anna has been Kept, without knowing if the man or men were married. I want to say that many women have experienced being in a extra-marital relationship for a while, didn't like it or did, but the experience didn't stop them from one day having a career or a legal marriage if they wanted one.

I will admit, though, that while I watched dozens of Anna Bey videos, the thought kept running through my head, "Is she a Mistress? She'd be a good lifestyle coach for Mistresses." The reason was primarily because of her emphasis on obtaining a partner, a man, who does help a woman financially, that also helps her - as she helps him - "level up," a term I get while wishing there was a better way to put it.

Why not aspire to better and greater for yourself and your children?

Well, the condemnation of Anna is fierce, and it begins and does not end with the term Gold Digger, which she addresses in one of her videos. She says a Gold Digger is a person only into it for money and her high financial standards do not mean she is one. One rake considers her a "former yacht girl" implying she once lived a life of travel and leisure in exchange for casual sex thereby ruining herself for love. (I think of Groupies and think many of them went for the casual sex without the luxury and in some cases any love. There's a lot of raunchy and not elegant aspects to Rock and Roll.) In an interview with Cosmopolitan magazine in 2018, Anna admitted to having some experience with the jet set and boating scene. A frightening experience lead her to decide she needed to find a better way to partake in the rich life. Implied is that she could've been entrapped. She started as a blogger with a site called Jet Set Babe in about 2012 and expanded from there. 

Other women, who ought to take down their videos now, attacked Anna with claims that she's a fake because they didn't believe she had a man or was living affluently. 

I have a problem with the attitude. You see, if we condemned every person who once was a nobody with nothing but had aspirations and worked hard on themselves we'd be condemning a hell of a lot of people. Most people aren't born with a lot of advantages. We'd be condemning people such as the author of Sex and the Single Girl and a long time Cosmopolitan magazine editor Helen Hurley Brown, who influenced a generation beginning in the 1960's. We could even find fault with First Lady Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis who started out in an elite world but still "leveled up" and believed a woman should do this for her children, not just herself.*

I've also read attacks on Anna from people who seem to think we shouldn't dare try to be more than we got born into; these posters can't be Americans!

Anna has said publicly in interviews that she does not think she could love a man who was poor. That's her honesty. Some people think that way and won't say it. The other side of this is that being obsessed with status can turn a person into a person who's loosing their soul. She is wary of that. She says we are all human, we all make mistakes, and while striving for elegance we must be careful not to get into the perfectionism of elegance extremism.

Another reason I think of Anna as an Honorary Mistress is that she's pragmatic. You see, Anna basically sees femininity in a traditional way, the way until very recently in history most women had to. She sees that it's still a man's world. So some of what she has to say is just what most every older woman I knew growing up thought. Anna isn't "conservative" in thinking her way. (If you think a child needs a daddy, you're conservative.) A man needs to show he can support a woman and a family before he can be in a relationship that could lead to children.

He pays for dates and if he shows off his expensive car to you it's to show you he can support you.

If he is not using some his earnings to help you succeed as a woman, then you may find yourself living like an unmarried woman when "off the market" in marriage to him.

Anna calls the men worth having "high value" men but she also admits that in order to meet wealthy men and keep them you most often have to gain status too. Initially this is about how you look but it's also how you walk and talk, your manners, and the boundaries you set.

Anna Bey, about 35, was born Aija Raty and grew up in Stockholm, Sweden with parents who are professionals. Her mother comes from Russian heritage. After high school, at about 19, she moved to Italy, a country she loves, living in Rome. Her first boyfriend came from money and showed her the good life. She knew she wanted that life. As a self improvement lifestyle coach, she tells her students it takes time to transform. Hers is ongoing. She is multi lingual, has some marketing background, and last summer attended a Swiss "finishing school" to improve her knowledge of entertaining, which she can then pass onto her students.

I will admit, so far I haven't heard Anna talk about being Kept, being a Mistress, or advising women that they should aim for marriage though she has strong ideas about how to avoid bad boys and men who don't treat a woman as his priority. I did find one video where she condemns cheating. Perhaps it's her world view or the words she uses that seem to indicate that she's aware of alternative lifestyles.

Please continue on this month to read about Anna!

C 2021 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

If interested in Helen Gurley Brown or Jackie Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, look for posts about them within this blog's archive using the search feature. 

* In a book written by singer-songwriter Carly Simon who was good friends with Jackie, Jackie advised her to marry up, to think of her children. Carly wrote a book also about her life with ex-husband James Taylor and his Mistress Evie was profiled in this blog.

Research for this month's posts including watching dozens of videos by and about Anna Bey, pro and con, reading internet news articles, as well as looking at her web sites, images, and so on. Interviews she willing did tended to be headlined to sensationalize, and gave me the impression she was not being reported accurately or heard. She is not a matchmaker, for instance, nor is she a dating coach and in upleveling she's guiding you on how to have a better life, not guaranteeing a woman will marry a billionaire.

HOW TO HELP HER WITHOUT KEEPING HER : OPINION BY MISSY

Being Kept is a Relationship, even if the financial aspect of the situation lasts just a few weeks or months, as was the case when Cosmopolitan editor-to-be Helen Gurley Brown gave it a try early in her life - and hated it.  

I got a comment that I left unpublished, though it was a good comment, in which the person argued that an affair is a Relationship too.  Well, the definition of Relationship is broad, as is the definition of Friend. I can argue that traditional stay at home wives and mothers - whose numbers are quite dwindled - are also Kept Women.  It is from the Classic set up in which an unmarried woman does not earn income and is in waiting for the married Man who Keeps her, that we have a clearly defined Mistress.  These days there are a full range of Relationship Possibilities and so the definition is all over the place too.  Probably what is more common is that the woman does earn income, but not enough, and she has a man (or woman) who earns better and the financial help can be counted on for some time.  (And there are gay and lesbian people who are Kept and Keep too.)

I bring this up because a man friend who does not want to marry and who does not want his present Girlfriend whom he is Dating (his words) to be a Mistress, still wants to HELP HER financially.  He doesn't want to embarrass her.  He doesn't want to her to get the wrong idea that he is planning to continue this financial support or turn her into a Kept Woman, which he says she would hate.  He does not want to be thought of as a Sugar Daddy. So he asked me, "HOW DO I HELP HER WITHOUT KEEPING HER?"

The Question is trickier than it seems.  Do beautifully wrapped gifts appear?  Does he splurge on her for her Birthday or a Special Occasion?  Does he ask her, "Would you rather have new window blinds or go out to dinner or buy a new dress?"  (Which is NOT romantic?) 

As usual, I think a kind but honest conversation about it is the best thing to do.  Asking a person what they would like involves them in a decision and they don't go back to a store to return a gift to get the cash (though there are a lot of women doing that, as well as reselling their designer clothes!)

However, with the Holidays approaching, let me say that I think the Secret Elf who visits leaving unexpected cash can be a lot of fun.  (If you have a friend do the delivery, be sure they aren't the type to abscond with your gift.)  Secret Elf is a cash gift to someone that can be done anonymously.  Cash doesn't mean a Money Order, a Check, etc. There was a time when I played Secret Elf when I was visiting someone who I knew was hurting and I left some cash in their medicine cabinet in the bathroom.  Other people were there.  Who could she blame?

Another approach is the GIFT CARD.  In my opinion a romantic man should never give just the gift card.  Flowers, a box of Swiss chocolate, a hand made card or original poem and the GIFT CARD is much better.

It seems to me that a man shouldn't pay rent or medical insurance or set her up in business if his help is meant to be at whim or occasional. CASH or a GIFT CARD have destinations that are up to her.

Now WHEN you give a gift, also has something to do with what you are communicating.  MEN, whatever you do NEVER leave her in bed to go home and leave cash.  The implication is that the lovemaking is actually sex work.

Consider specific item contributions.  An upgraded cell phone or computer is usually good.  Also good, contributing in sneaky ways, such as when you are invited as the "plus one" to a wedding of one of her friends, suggesting you totally cover the gift that comes from the both of you.  That frees up some of her money.

I knew a Mistress of Sorts who never received gifts in boxes, cash, or anything new.  Her man, an antiques hound, furnished her entire two bedroom house with finds from flea markets!  According to her, they never even had sex, never even hugged. But they were very fond of each other and he was happy to help her in this way.

Missy

NOT PRETTY ENOUGH - HELEN GURLY BROWN - MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW

Readers of COSMOPOLITAN magazine, those who remember Helen Gurley Brown as the ultimate career-woman who was editor for many years and those who don't, will be interested in this biography which isn't the one Helen herself would have written.  Helen Gurley Brown (married to David Brown, a film producer), came up the hard way, had a sister and mother to support, and made it to Los Angeles at a time when most women were not career oriented.  Most women of her generation who worked quit when they got married, or when they were married with children.
HGB wrote more than one book in her lifetime.  "Sex and the Single Girl," came before her editorship, and was almost an expose on the fact that yes single women had sex.  It was full of girl-friendly advice. Because of it she was linked with Hugh Hefner and his Playboy Magazine empire in pop culture and overall was not considered a feminist.  (There was but one nude male centerfold in her years at Cosmo and that was of actor Burt Reynolds with his belly button near the staples airbrushed.)  HGB also wrote a couple of fun memoirs of sorts with confessionals such as that she bit her toenails.  No one could accuse this extremely hard working woman, who did marry "late" and never had children, of not having a sense of fun or humor.


According to author Hirshy, HGB often used real life examples in her own books, taking the experiences she had with one man and turning him into a variety of characters for instance, and what makes reading her books and then the "reality," more difficult is that HGB often had many simultaneous sexual relationships going on.  Some of her best women friends found that concerning.


HGB publically acknowledged in interviews that married men have affairs, how dumb could you be to not know that!  She was pro-Choice.  She had been hired and fired or quit dozens of secretarial jobs that included sex before she finally got that editorship when she was near forty years old and her husband helped her get it.


But why the title "Not Pretty Enough?"  On the cover of the book we see a photo of a happy HGB who is wearing fashionable clothing and cosmetics and has big hair to be envied.  Perhaps it's because HGB often referred to herself and women like her as "Mouseburgers."
She /they were not handed any advantages.  They had to self-improve.  This she did. She self improved not only with cosmetics and fashion, but exercise and diet.  She improved her apartment locations and her interiors.  She also improved on her friendships.  Never one to forget poverty or prioritizing her mother and sister, Helen could pinch a penny and was seen taking public buses.  She saved for years to buy her own auto.
What my readers here at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot will find most interesting about this book is Helen's affairs.  I'm not going to ruin all that by telling it all.
So get yourself comfortable and crack open the book!


C 2018 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

HELEN GURLEY BROWN PASSED AWAY RECENTLY

HELEN GURLEY BROWN, famous for being the editor of COSMOPOLITAN magazine for many years, passed away recently. The editorial decisions she made for over 30 years informed women that they could be sexual before they married, if they married at all, that they could have not just jobs but careers, and that it was great to be independent and self-supporting.

Helen was famous also for writing SEX AND THE SINGLE GIRL, a book that was considered to be a part of the sexual revolution years ago (think early 1960's) when society began to change the expectation that a woman would wait until she was married to have sex.

Our lifestyles have changed a whole lot since then.

Contraception and Abortion are available like they never were in the days when becoming pregnant without marriage could ruin your life. (Unwed women were sent away to maternity homes to have babies and were often forced to give them up for adoption. Abortion was illegal and often unsafe enough to kill a woman. You had to be rich and connected to get the name and address of a doctor who knew what he was doing. Contraception choices were more limited and just for married women, so young unmarried women would fake an engagement when they went to the gynecologist. Most women did not have careers. Even if they went to college, their employment usually ended with their motherhood. Men usually made enough money so that their wives could be stay at home moms. Being a wife and mother were thought to be the great aspiration for any woman.

I wonder, but will never know for sure, if mistresses were more prevalent then than they are now. Helen tried it, with a man she did not love, for a short period of time, and hated it.


(Click on title to get to link!)

HELEN GURLEY BROWN : FAMOUS EDITOR OF COSMOPOLITAN MAGAZINE : PASSES AWAY : 90 RICHLY LIVED YEARS

Richly lived! So many of us were influenced by Helen Gurley Brown and the magazine she headed for many years, Cosmopolitan. Linking to the New York Times article/obit for Helen, who onced advised that, over 50, you may have to share a husband with his wife!


(click on the title to get to the link1)

HELEN GURLEY BROWN quote

“If you have some daily anguish from some cause that’s not really your fault — a rotten family, bad health, nowhere looks, serious money problems, nobody to help you, minority background (I don’t have that — a WASP — but I had other things), rejoice! These things are your fuel!” - Helen Gurley Brown

DAVID BROWN said...

"There's no such an animal as free love. It's for sale, but not on sale. The difference between a high-priced hooker and a rich man's wife may well be the asking price. High maintenance men and women are luxury items...

"Is there anything wrong with putting a price on love and sex? Sex becomes love when the price goes up. Love is long-term, sex is not, even within love. I find nothing shocking about this. Everything worth while has a price - cars, houses, and meals...

"So why not love?... "

David Brown (husband of Helen Gurley Brown)

From Brown's Guide to the Good Life Without Tears, Fears, or Boredom

C 2006 by the author Barricade Books

DAVID BROWN PASSES AWAY and REALLY I DID PLAN ON MAKING HELEN the MISTRESS OF THE MONTH before we heard

To my readers!

I really did decide early this year that in March 2010 would I honor HELEN GURLEY who married DAVID BROWN and is the renown International Editor of Cosmopolitan Magazine. Then today, looking to post the book I read all about Helen what did I find? But an article (link above) from March 3, 2010 in which I learned that DAVID BROWN had passed away. Since I believe they had a great marriage, and also one free of cheating on both their parts, they became a famous couple.

I've decided that Helen still gets to be honored.

MISTRESS OF THE MONTH : HELEN GURLEY

Helen Gurley (who was single till she was in her early 40's and long married to David Brown since) self confesses to have chosen mistresshood in her early Hollywood secretary years, and not to her liking. Always she thought of her mother and sister in middle America, who she provided support as her need for more money than she could earn, even with her notoriously penny pinching ways. Helen also confesses to having slept with about as many bosses as she had jobs and changing jobs rapidly till she got a decent one, as a copyeditor.

Mistresshood isn't for everyone, and it's not even for a good mistress forever, in some cases. But we appreciate Helen's honesty about her experience.

Frankly, it's easier to get a woman to admit to an abortion than it is that she was actually KEPT by a man she was unmarried to.

BAD GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE : HELEN GURLEY BROWN by JENNIFER SCANLON

The book in C 2009 and an Oxford University Press publication... on CAPITALIST BARTER OF SEX FOR MONEY page 170-171

"Browns loyalty to the free market extended beyond the workplace and into the far more intimate arena of sexuality. She viewed women's sexuality in the context of Capitalist exchanges, where those with the money had certain degrees of power and those without tried to negotiate as best they could. For Brown, feminism could improve women's bargaining position, but it would not ultimately take sexuality, any more than it would take 2work, outside of Capitalism's reaches. With Cosmopolitan, Brown would create, market, and further a female sexual marketplace in which both the inequities and the pleasures of a liberated sexuality within Capitalism system would become apparent and open to negotiation. She offered readers articles such as "Never Be Faithful To A Married Man," and "What If?" a piece about what sexual relationships would be like if there was no bartering system in place, "with women trying to get to the highest possible price for their wares (marriage, a continuing annuity) and men working for bargains." The acquisition of sexual freedom for women was, as far as Brown was concerned, tied to the marketplace for better or worse.

"Many critics of Cosmopolitan concluded that Brown's cavalier attitude about women trading sexual favors for dinners or nights out promoted the prostitution of women. Brown herself then fell into line with the most radical of feminists, who were considering the ways in which marriage itself mirrored prostitution. "Many a woman who is married is in a sense a prostitute," she claimed," in that she accepts presents, money, automobiles, country-club memberships, trips to Europe and the good life from a man she can barely tolerate in bed." As for women who accepted things from men they were not married to, Brown wrote, "I feel she's less of a prostitute than the married woman who hates the bed relationship." Brown refused to call her "girl" a prostitute. Her lover was simply, "making her life better," than it was. As Brown saw it, "In a way, we're all prostitute." Helen Gurley Brown's politics was steeped in political and economic understanding of sexuality. steeped in personal observations and experience, and it made many people, including many feminists, uneasy."

Missy here: MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER !

SALON ON HELEN GURLEY BROWN, MISTRESSES, and BOOKS

Link here to the Salon article about the book called BAD GIRLS GO EVERYWHERE which is a biography of Helen Gurley Brown, the author of SEX and THE SINGLE GIRL, and long time (our favorite) editor of Cosmopolitan Magazine. (Yes we've ordered it and will report in) Missy