READING THE POETRY OF NORA MAY FRENCH on PROJECT GUTENBERG

 Here's the link! PROJECT GUTENBERG : POETRY OF NORA MAY FRENCH

FROM forest paths we turned us, nymphs, new-made,

And, lifting eyes abashed with great desire

Before high Jove, the gift of souls we prayed.

Whereat he said: “O perfect as new leaves

New glossed and veined with blood of perfect days

And stirred to murmured speech in fragrant eves,

“Still ask ye souls? Behold, I give instead

Into each breast a bird with fettered wings,

A bird fast holden with a silken thread: ........

( read the whole poem at the link!)

OBSERVATION

 

NORA MAY FRENCH : THE SPINSTER POET IN CALIFORNIA : RETIRED BRITISH ARMY CAPTAIN HILEY AND NORA HAVE AN AFFAIR AND SHE BECOMES PREGNANT

Excerpt page 57: (After Nora called off her engagement in 1904)

At the age of twenty-three, Nora embraced spinsterhood with enthusiasm. Freedom from marriage was freedom to live one's own life. She would devote herself to her writing. No more light ditties like the "Ode on Aunt E.'s Bloomer Bathing Costume," which had made Helen (her sister) laugh for hours. No more stories to distract the readers of the Sunday Los Angeles Times. She would focus only on poetry and set goals to challenge herself. That year she published four poems in Lummis's journal but decided to shoot for journals with more national reach. In March, her poem "In Empty Courts" appeared in The Smart Set: A Magazine of Cleverness. A new publication out of New York, The Smart Set's circulation had shot up to well over one hundred thousand in four short years buy printing national names like Jack London.

About a man's inconsistent attention, in "Empty Courts" has been inspired buy a muse of sorts who had recently entered her life. Captain Alan Hiley had two main qualities that recommended him. He was already married, and he lived far away, in Santa Cruz. A tall, handsome timber magnate and retired British Army captain, Hiley considered himself an established author who had published his memoir of distinguished service in the War. They had met at a poetry ready (Hileys wife was also a poet( and started an on-and-off affair.

On the weekends, Hiley sailed down the coast on a yacht to take Nora to dinner in fine restaurants.  He asked her about poetry though she noticed he rarely listened to her answers....

Nora decided that she could not give in to Hiley's charms and fought her attraction to him.

Excerpt page 59: (As Nora became pregnant)

They debated too long what to do. He would leave his wife. Of course he would. Then, no, a divorce would take too long and be too public. In her distress, she made the dreadful mistake of telling Helen everything. Helen, scandalized, was even more distraught than Nora. She must get Hiley to marry her, Helen counseled, or the whole family would be ruined.

But marriage was not in the cards. Instead, the eminently respectable Captain Alan Richard Hiley secured a doctor and money enough to pay him. What at first had seemed to Nora like a vexing process - coming to the decision, finding the willing physician - turned out to be the easy part compared to what came next. She experienced the procedure itself as a surreal horror, the doctor's cold, pointed, metal tolls contrasting with the soft warm of her flesh mingled with that of the fetus. Only partially sedated during it all, she glanced down and saw the aftermath.

This was Nora's first known abortion and, because she did not take the pills or potions advertised, I have this feeling she might have been further along in the pregnancy than a woman could consider to be "delayed menses." Additionally, it seems to me that, after such a horror, a woman would seek to use contraception. Maybe she did. And it failed.

Excerpt page 80 : (The aftermath of the abortion)

She couldn't exactly say when Harry Lafler became so much a part of her emotional life. Right after her mother died in July, she had sent a poem to The Argonaut, where Harry was serving as editor. He accepted her poem, and their correspondence quickly became romantic. They fell in love through words.

How perfect, she thought, that the body was not there to intervene. Since the abortion she had a nickname for herself : the "Hands Off" girl. Except for a date here and there, she kept men at arm's length - especially Alan Hiley, who in an irritating reversal now wanted to marry her...

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POETRY READING: TWO POEMS BY NORA MAY FRENCH

BOHEMIAN POET NORA MAY FRENCH : AN EARLY 20th CENTURY LOVE GONE WRONG STORY OF MONTEREY CALIFORNIA : THE CYANIDE LOVE TRIANGLE

NORA MAY FRENCH

 1881-1907

photo from Wikipedia

identified as Nora May French as photographed by Arnold Genthe

The Gilded Edge by Catherine Prendergast is a primary reference for this month's posts.

Was it actually a LOVE TRIANGLE? 

I think the subtitle of 'The Gilded Edge' which is 'Two Audacious Women and the Cyanide Love Triangle That Shook America' is a bit unfair. 

The three persons were: Nora May French, a turn-of-the-century poet who was talented and esteemed, but who seems to have disappeared from American Literature, and a young woman though she had emerged as a brilliant poet before her death. Carrie Sterling, married to George Sterling, whose own ambitions were not literary but who, through her husband, met and tangled with some of those, such as writer Jack London, who the Literary Canon well knows, as well as their women. Carrie often played hostess and was the wife who would stick with a bad marriage for a long time since there was social status to be mindful of. George Sterling, who was instrumental in the establishment of Carmel as an artists colony through his role as real estate agent, but who would much rather have made his living as a poet himself; My take on George is that he was alcoholic and a womanizer and not all that well psychologically. But was Nora May French to blame? 

George went out of his way to try to convince people to move to Carmel, a small town in the Monterey Bay, south of San Francisco. He encouraged group photos that made some of these artists and writers look cozy and implied they were moving there or buying real estate as a marketing strategy but not the whole truth. The big names never bought in and he struggled for acceptance by them in part because his talent as a poet never equaled theirs. History may be a bit more fair to the struggling George than this author, for he was a founder of the Bohemian Club, which is now the notorious Bohemian Grove.

These three people were not in a triad and they did not commit suicide together, but I bet because of the title of the book you thought so. Although it's complicated, I wasn't convinced that the suicide of Nora or that of George's wife, Carrie, or the eventual suicide of George was entirely motivated by relationship frustration or loss of love. Rather it was also about money - the natural need for it in this material world - and especially so for women at a time when few could support themselves; imagine any poet at any time thinking their poetry would bring in money enough. George Sterling was a founder of the Bohemian Club which endures to this day as the Bohemian Grove, but he eventually went broke.

To her credit, author Catherine Prendergast, did some difficult investigative research to bring us Nora May French, who did indeed commit suicide by cyanide in 1907, and whose poetry - and very mood - inspired copycat suicides! We know that because some of those who commit suicide did so with copies of her poetic verses on them!

Nora's end at the age of twenty-six made her infamous. Headlines remarked on her talent and beauty, calling her witty, spirited, and talented. So the media as it existed decades ago implied there was not just a shame but a mystery. There was a lot of blaming among the men who had affairs with her and it seems Nora was pregnancy prone too.

Why is so little about Nora May French preserved?  Was it because of her sad end or because she was a woman? Prendergast sees the difficulty in this research a problem of sexism. 

As I read this book from cover to cover, I couldn't help but think about the way marriage was about the only way a woman could survive back in the day. Nora May French was not the first or last woman to ever have sex before marriage or an affair with a married man/men, but she needed marriage. Society was not set up for most women to be independent of men or to earn their own money and support themselves and Nora's experience with paid employment was unfulfilling and exhausting. What any woman with creative talent, such as a writer who needed to write, was a patron or a husband rich enough to support her so she would not have to work for income herself and could keep writing. He had to be the type who didn't want a conventional wife and be someone who loved the arts and might find some prestige in having a poet as a wife..

Was Nora so foolish to have sex without marriage and also not have used contraception?  Was that "Bohemian" of her? We don't know if she had access to contraception or not. This story includes abortion. At this time in the United States when abortion rights have been cut in some states, I think about how hard it is was to be a woman with no financial support when a having and raising a child born outside of marriage. The child would be as socially unacceptable as its mother.

Nora had two abortions unmarried, at a time when a woman might, with the right connections to the right doctor, have a "therapeutic" abortion at a hospital, or brew an herbal potion that would cause miscarriage, or understand that some over-the-counter women's remedies sold at the pharmacy were intended to do the same. One was a surgical horror and the other by pills. In both cases she risked not only the ruin of her reputation but that of her family. It seems she very well may have been pregnant again when she suicided.

Nora May French came from a "good" family with ties to some historical persons such as a founder of the Wells Fargo Bank on her mother's side. However, it seems that her father, the son of an Illinois governor, experienced some failures, possibly embezzling money while at a job at a college and, with drought and a stock market crash in 1893, the family fell into poverty quickly. Nora was sent to live with a relative (ironically named Uncle Cash) who might have led her to a good marriage. She lived with him in New York and he sent her to the Art Students League but she had a indiscretion with a man and was sent home. She became the black sheep of her family.

Though she might be on the marriage market without a dowry or any expectation of an inheritance, while working as a seamstress - a lowly profession - in a leather factory, she did promise to marry a young man. 

Excerpt page 54: " ... Working in a leather factory had taken its toll on her body and spirit, Her fingers had grown dull from working the needle into the leather, her eyes strained in the low light, and she found herself too tired at night to think of lifting a pen. Her mind began to slow down, sitting among women who had nothing better to talk about than when they would get married and leave. One morning she woke up and realized that she had become one of them. She couldn't wait to get married and leave.  (Note that she was sewing leather gloves.)

Then Lee proposed. At first, she hesitated She told him everything about herself, how she was happiest wandering in the woods, how she lived to write poems, and how she would never be just an ordinary girl, if that was what he wanted..."

The engagement brought her back into approval of Uncle Cash who sent a money present and her parents relaxed that she would have a husband. However, Lee soon complained of how much time she spent writing and reminded her to prepare to be a wife and mother such as learning to cook. Female relatives of his also pressured her to conform.

In 1904, a month before the wedding, she broke the engagement. At the age of twenty-three she decided she may as well be a spinster. She sent her work out and her poetry was published in newspapers and literary journals. Nora gained a literary reputation. 

Once on the West Coast, a little older but still in her twenties, and already a published poet, Nora was involved in the Bohemian lifestyle, perhaps an experimental lifestyle at best, in which artists, writers sought a break from convention. That said, she got involved with married men and doing so did not prevent her from having sex or heartbreaks.

There was also another man who was interested in marriage with her for a while - or so it was discussed when she became pregnant - retired British Army Captain Alan Hiley of Santa Cruz, California, who was married, and a muse.

She had to live with someone, if not her sister who did not like San Francisco, then a couple such as Carrie and George Sterling. George was connected to the Bohemian lifestyle of San Francisco and also the founding of the Bohemian Club, now called The Bohemian Grove. Instead of just staying  as a house guest of the Sterlings until she married, the end of another opportunity for marriage turned her into more of a permanent guest. It was there at their house that she took the poison.

While Nora did have an affair with George, and he mourned her, he was not her only man.  And while she did use pills to miscarry, she did not take her life immediately after that. Nor was Nora the womanizing George's only affair while married. Carrie Sterling had lost any expectation that her husband would be entirely devoted or satisfied with her. Carrie had thought her marriage to George was advantageous and had to have been disappointed in his character.

Nora commit suicide in 1907 by cyanide.

Carrie commit suicide in 1918 by cyanide.

George commit suicide in 1926 by cyanide.

These suicides were years apart. I just can't call this a love triangle and am not convinced Nora was the reason for the suicides of Carrie or George.

For me, the story of the San Francisco Earthquake of 1906, when estimates are that up to 80% of that city was destroyed, and the resulting influx of refugees into Monterey, and how that influenced the real estate sales was of interest too. People were, like today's homeless, living in tents with their families, sometimes in the backyards of relatives or friends. 

Which brings up my question about Carmel-By-The-Sea and just how "Bohemian" and unconventional it was. You don't have to be artistic or "Bohemian" to be unhappily married or to commit adultery or to have affairs these days. Rather I think the people in this book were stuck in their circumstances including class and status expectations that they be married. Then, there is always the issue of money.

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MARIE DUPLESSIS : COMPOSER FRANZ LISZT A FRIEND : MARRIAGE TO AN OLD BEAU: HER INESCAPABLE DEATH

It was at a concert in Paris that Maria Duplessis met the Hungarian composer Franz Liszt.  They were introduced by the doctor who had Maria as a patient and had bogus cures he treated rich women with. But the doctor also had the composer's mother and ex-mistress as patients. (His mistress and the mother of his children was Marie d'Agoult.) She remet him as a guest at parties where he entertained, playing piano. He knew that she was terminally ill. And she wanted to go with him on tour, travel, be taken from Paris, which was a plan that never happened.

Excerpt page 49 : (From Liszts own reportage)

... she told me ... fifteen months ago: I shall not live; I am an odd gierl and I shan't be able to hold on to this life which I don't know how to lead and that I can equally no longer endure.  Take me, take me anywhere you life; I shan't bother you.  I sleep all day; in the evening you can let me go to the theatre; and at night you can do with me what you will!'

Maria was never one to depend on one man and for a woman in her position was wise about this. Because she went to London and met up with Count Edouard de Perregaux at the Kensington Register Office where a civil marriage was performed. She signed in as Mlle. Alphonsine Plessis of Paris, age 22. Though the couple gave an address in London, the two never did live together.  And she kept her surname Duplessis. She returned to Paris alone. But I surmise that perhaps this man granted her a great wish, to be a married woman before she died. 

Excerpt page 50 : With the help of a specialist she designed her own coat of arms, using part of the arms of her husband, and had them emblazoned on her carriage, her linen, and her silverware.

By this time, Marie was desperately ill. You could say she tried everything. She traveled to spas in Germany hoping have a cure. Her gambling was out of control, her visits to pawn shops numerous, both Count Gustav Von Sackelberg abandoned her as had the seven men who had shared her. Yet, she had possessions removed from her lavish apartment, renting other apartments to store furniture and valuables to prevent creditors from seizing them.*** She saw various doctors and ran up debt. Some of these doctors gave her advice that was useless really, recommending walks in nature and good food. We would say some of them were quacks but the fact is there was no cure for tuberculosis. 

Most of her friends left Marie to die alone. But three of her patrons did remain in her life to the end - men less significant in her life whose names do not appear here in this reportage.  At only twenty three years old, the woman who had inspired artists and writers, died on February 3, 1847, having been last seen in public weeks earlier. Among the few mourners were some prostitutes who she had helped financially. Count Edouard de Perregaux, her husband who had made a Countess out of Marie, appeared overcome with grief as the small funeral processions of those who had not abandoned her completely went to the cemetery of Montemarte where her grave remained unmarked for years.

FIND A GRAVE : MARIE DUPLESSIS

Missy here!  Thank you for sticking with me as we explored the life of Parisian Courtesan Marie Duplessis.  You can bring up archived posts by searching for the word Courtesan or Paris ... 

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SIMPLY

 

ELDERLY COUNT GUSTAV VON SACKELBERG SET MARIE DUPLESSIS UP IN LUXURY BUT OUTDID HER AS A LIAR

Marie Duplessis was an acknowledged liar. She was said to explain her lying by saying that the habit whitened one's teeth; her teeth were beautiful. What all did she lie about? I don't know. That blog post title is my opinion and here I speculate. 

The octogenarian Count Gustav Von Sackelberg met the 21ish year old Maria in the late fall of 1844 or early 1845. He said he wanted to "rescue" her from the life she lead and that she reminded him of his daughter... He claimed to be a widower, but the truth was he was married to a woman who had given birth to eleven children and would outlive him by eighteen years. He hid his wife by setting up Maria in an apartment across the street from where he lived with his wife... My guess is his wife knew all about him.

He was said to keep a list of all the virgins he had deflowered, a hobby of his. While Maria was no virgin, perhaps her delicate femininity and youth appealed to a fantasy he had. He wanted her for himself and was willing to spend to have her. Of all the men who provided for Maria, perhaps this man spent the most to keep her. And perhaps despite his sexuality, he was also influenced by pending death.

Besides the substantial apartment, Von Sackelberg bought Maria furs and jewels, horses, carriages and drivers, maid, cook, chambermaid, the services of hairdressers and other craftsmen who created and repaired and kept up, and allowed her to spend, spend spend. Gourmet meals and baked goods were ordered in. She was now eating sweets and drinking wine - Maria bought herself an expansive wardrobe - dresses, hats, and boots by the dozens, fine furniture, and much else. She claimed to spend about five hundred francs a day. Author Virginia Rounding mentions school teachers were paid about three hundred francs a year.

While he thought of keeping her to himself, Maria was pragmatic. What came first? Her acceptance of other men or his waning interest? She went out on the town and was seen at the theatre and concerts, still advertising herself as courtesans did. In the spring of 1845 Maria met the Hungarian composer Franz Liszt, who seems to have been taken enough by the young woman to care about her health.

I wonder if knowing she had not long fueled Maria's desire to have as much as possible and to live life to the fullest. When she met the composer she had about two years to live. 

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WAITING

 

DESPITE TUBERCULOSIS TWENTY YEAR OLD MARIE DUPLESSIS HAS ILLUSTRIOUS AND RICH LOVERS INCLUDING ALEXANDRE DUMAS THE YOUNGER

1844, and lasting a year, Alexandre Dumas "the younger" was twenty, like Marie. He could not support her and could not deal with the facts of her life, that she was a Courtesan and had other lovers.  He was too jealous and perhaps too in love. This man immortalized Marie when he used her as inspiration for a novel he published in 1848 which was called La Dame aux Camelias by Alexandre Dumas the younger. (She loved that flower.) The book may very well be a romantic fantasy in which Dumas also is a character. In 1952 the book was turned into a play and then the play inspired the opera by Verdi called La Traviata.  La Traviata translates to The Fallen Woman. 

La Traviata is currently the most performed opera in the world. Marie's life, perhaps because she died so young, is a tragedy. 

Perhaps it is the book and the play and the opera that has made Courtesan/ Mistress  Marie Duplessis famous, for there were others we have heard about and many others we have never heard about and never will.  This blog depends on the books and other information on those who became famous but some say the most successful Mistresses are the ones we never hear about.

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MARIE DUPLESSIS

 Image is in Public Domain in the United States and provided by Wikimedia/ Wikipedia.

 Source : Čeština: Obrázek Marie Duplessis, dámy s kaméliemi

Her extremely white, pale skin contrasted with her thick black hair.  

She was slim and not especially voluptuous.

In this image of Marie, the young woman might even be called "Tubercular."

MARIE DUPLESSIS MOVES INTO A BETTER APARTMENT : COUNT EDOUARD DE PERREGAUX

As Marie Duplessis moved up in the world, she attracted Count Edouard De Perregaux as a new love and perhaps he was the man she would come closest to becoming a Mistress of. His father was a financier who had been made a senator by Napoleon Bonaparte and was attached to the Bank of France. Edouard himself had been in the military in Africa and had earned a good reputation and inherited a sizable fortune but he also seemed to be determined to spend it and go into debt.

Excerpts pages 41 - 42 : He first encountered Marie at a masked ball at the Opera House in the rue Le Peletier, the tradition of masked balls having been revived there in 1839, such events being held every Saturday evening during the carnival time before Lent. Edouard and Marie were intregued by one another, and Edouard rapidly dropped another courtesan, Alice Ozy, in order to take up with her.

The apartment in which he installed her at 22 rue d'Antin comprised a drawing room, a boudoir, dining room and two bedrooms. The widows, and Marie's bed, were curtained with muslin and silk. Marie ordered her goods and services from a wide range of providers" wines from Madame Tisserant, just opposite in the rue d'Anton; cakes delivered by Rollet from the passage de l'Opera, glace fruits from Broissier, mint pastilles from Gouache in the boulevard de la Madeleine. Edouard would join in the consumption of all these luxuries, not stopping to make the calculation that by spending at the rate of three thousand francs a month, which was the absolute minimum Marie required to live on, he would rapidly use up his already depleted fortune. 

Marie felt flattered because Count de Perregaux seemed to be only interested in her but eventually also felt she had been deceived into thinking his fortune was substantial enough to last past her spending. He was estranged from his family and friends over his unrequited passion and extreme spending in order to keep her happy. She didn't cut him off completely but took on other lovers willing to keep her in the accommodations she desired. Considering his fixation on Marie, it must have taken some expertise to both disappoint him and keep him in her life.

At a time in which concerns about venereal diseases such as syphilis, for which there was no real cure, prevailed and during which contraception was limited, women especially paid the price for sexuality and pregnancy. But there was another disease that people feared and that claimed countless lives for which there was no cure and that was tuberculosis. Young Marie Duplessis must have realized she was seriously ill by this time as she was spitting up blood. 

Count Edouard de Perregaux is important to the story of this Courtesan though because towards the end of her life, as she was dying of tuberculosis, it was he who she married.

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DESIRE

 

MEN "CLUB" TOGETHER TO SHARE THE BOUNTY OF THEIR FAVORITE COURTESAN MARIE DUPLESSIS

I wonder: is there a correlation between being a shopaholic and a Courtesan?

In 1842 Marie Duplessis might have been at the height of her earning power, if you choose to look at it that way.  She had many lovers and huge expenditures.

Excerpt pages 39-40 : ... Hippolyte de Villemessant tells how seven members of fashionable Paris decided to club together to purchase her favors, since she was so expensive to maintain.  To inaugurate this arrangement they bought Marie a present: a dressing table with seven drawers so they could each have one to keep their things.  In the early days Marie's management of her multiple lovers sometimes went adrift.  Shortly after Agenor de Guiche's return from England she made the mistake of taking him for a drive in the blue carriage which had been given to her by another lover, Fernand de Montguyon....  Subsequently she managed her affairs better and took care not to offend those who were paying the bills. Agenor was a t this stage what was known as an amant de coeur - that is, his and Marie's relationship was not a monetary transaction but a matter of genuine affections and mutual enjoyment...

This excerpt reminds me that anyone can attract many others at any one time but must somehow keep it all ... compartmentalized.  And be tactful. 

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POISED

 

VICOUNT DE MERIL BECOMES THE FATHER OF MARIE DUPLESSIS SON

Viscount de Meril was the man to introduce Marie Deplessis to a vice - gambling.

In 1840, she had what is called "an affair" with this man, who introduced her to Spa, a resort in Belgium. As a result of their relationship, the young mother of a son she gave birth to in 1841 had to send the baby away to be raised by a nurse. A version of the story is that the baby died - not at all uncommon in those days before modern medical treatments - but perhaps not.

It is said that she was given to lying, which she claimed was good for whitening the teeth. (Perhaps she thought her lies were "white lies?") It's also said, from descriptions of her beauty and comportment, that her moods shifted from serenity to jubilance. My words; I do wonder if  Marie Duplessis was bipolar. Her behavior is often considered a consequence to having a horrible childhood.

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VERDI'S OPERA LA TRAVIATA (THE FALLEN WOMAN) IS A TRAGEDY AND THE MOST PERFORMED OPERA IN THE WORLD

Royal Ballet and Opera - United Kingdom, YouTube station, posted this video.

Excerpt:  Richard Eyre;s stunning naturalistic productions contrasts the superficial glamour of the 19th century Parisian high life with intimate scenes for Violetta with Alfredo and Giorgio Germont, culminating in the heart-breaking final act  Verdi's sublime score contains some of his most inspired arias and duets, including Violetta's introspecive 'Ah forse'e lui and hedonistic 'Sempre libera' Violetta and Germont's poignant Act II encounter and Alfredo and Violetta's 'Parigi, o cara', in which they dream of a happy future.

Missy here! 

True love or a crush that would always be unrequited because the one fantasized about has died? Alexandre Dumas The Younger's book inspired by his year long romance with Maria Duplessis spawned plays and this opera, as well as other productions into the present time.

MARIE DUPLESSIS : AGENOR DE GUICHE MAKES AN APPEARANCE IN THE TEENAGER'S LIFE AND SHE CHANGES HER NAME FROM ALPHONSINE PLESSIS

Grand Horizontals by Virginia Rounding is a primary reference for this month's post.

Excerpt page 20 : "The women of the uppermost ranks, the most desirable demi-mondaines, were also often referred to by the epithets grands or hautes - grandes cocottes, for instance, rather than simple cocottes. The pseudonymous writer "Zed" refers in his Le Demi-monde sous le Second Empire of 1892 to grandes abandonnees (The great abandoned ones) while Frederic Loliee in his Les Femmes du Second Empire of 1907 uses the term grandes horizontales (literally, great horizontals, or women flat on their backs). Collective expressions for the great demi-mondaines included la jaute glanterie (literally high gallantry, chivalry, or intrigue, and colloquially the top rank of kept women) and la Haute Bicherie..."

What I found interesting is that Agenor De Guiche made an appearance in the lives of many courtesans and seems in Virginia Rounding's book to be credited with being the man who turned Alphonsine Plessis into a grandes horizontales. Although De Guiche's family was aristocratic, they had lost their wealth during the French Revolution and so he was not an especially rich young man. When he met Alphonsine he was 21 years old and she was 16. He had finished a couple years of higher education and wanted to bring her up to his intellectual level, though he was not an especially bright student himself. This young man paid for Alphonsine to have lessons in dancing and piano and improved her reading and writing; she became an avid reader who eventually developed an impressive collection of 200 or so books and held literary and intellectual salons. His interest in her seems to have been sincere. The young man spent about 10,000 francs on her in three months but then, in 1840, went to England and took a break from their relationship. By the time he returned, he was not the only man interested in the budding courtesan. 

According to author Virginia Rounding many a mother feared her son would spend his fortune away and acquire venereal diseases by having sex with prostitutes and courtesans.

Excerpt page 36 : She was not unusual, among the grisettes and courtesans of Louis Philippe's reign, in deciding to change her name; it was also a very common practice among the ranks of ordinary prostitutes.  The choice of a new name could serve both to add a touch of glamour and to depersonalize the prostitute, so that she could feel she was merely performing a role, disconnected from her real self.  There was also often a desire to disconnect from her previous life and from her family, either out of shame or from a desire to escape and not be easily traced...

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ADORING

 

THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I AM SO PROUD OF OTHER WOMEN AND TODAY IS ONE OF THEM : CONTACT YOUR POLITICIANS : EPSTEIN FILES TRANSPARENCY ACT

Among the things I admire about these women is the mention of other women who are not believed and may not be able to speak out or get justice in other countries, who don't speak English, from Russia, Ukraine, and other countries, women who were also sex trafficked by or for Jeffrey Epstein. These women have courage and they ask that others come forward if they too were abused and/or trafficked by Jeffrey Epstein - Ghislaine Maxwell - or others we have not heard about. There are hundreds of women who have been silent or silenced.

In this blog, MISTRESS MANIFESTO, we explore some women who were no doubt raped, sexually exploited, some who made the best of their situation in their place and time when, overall, women had little to no opportunity to have education, careers, or opportunities for independence - even marriage could rarely be avoided. We would not know about most of them if it were not for literature, that they or someone else thought they were interesting and important enough to write about. 

Overall, life has improved for women, but there are still many who find themselves in situations they can't easily get out of, if at all.

Choice has expanded in Western culture, but it always rests in truth - information. There are so many situations in life were a person not only feels powerless, they are powerless.

As some of these women have stated they were fourteen years old, or sixteen years old, when they went to give "massage" to a rich older man who made it sexual abuse, intimidated them, and told them they had to bring other women to him. This is one of the reasons I suggest that it's probably not a good idea to consider becoming a Mistress until one has lived a while, completed an education, started a career, and explored one's own sexuality with consensual partners.

I'm linking to information on the EPSTEIN FILES TANSPARANCY ACT which is house bill #4405

This bill was introduced by
Representative Ro Khanna,  California, District 17 115th-119th

MERKLEY SENATE : TEXT OF THE EPSTEIN FILES TRANSPARANCY ACT

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MY POST FROM 2019 ABOUT THE SCANDAL on 8/13/2019 is titled THE JEFFREY EPSTEIN SEX TRAFFICKING SCANDAL - HOW YOUNG IS TOO YOUNG TO HAVE SEX?

MARIE DUPLESSIS : GRAND HORIZONTALES : PARISIAN COURTESANS OF THE NAPOLEAN III ERA

Virginia Rounding's book Grande Horizontales begins with the assumption that Courtesans were prostitutes of the highest quality and because of this, the most expensive. So, her book begins with quite an interesting expose on prostitution in 19th century Paris. Here at Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot, we yearn to define what being a Mistress means, and I acknowledge that the assumption of prostitution is there along with the idea that a Mistress is Kept for sex - only or primarily for sex. After many years of blogging I still find the question to be one that has many answers, but I think mistresses are in relationships that are more interesting than "just sex." That said, a prostitute can become a mistress and visa versa but exactly at what point does a woman become a Courtesan, since some of these women did "rise up" out of prostitution? Maria Duplessis's story has an answer to when.

Grande Horizontales focuses on four Courtesans, and this month I will focus on Marie Duplessis who died at the young age of twenty-three of tuberculosis. One of her lovers, Alexandre Dumas, based his main character in the novel La Dame Aux Camelias, which was published in 1848. Camelias were Marie's favorite flowers. She was married in 1846 to Count Edouard de Perregauz, until her death.

MARIE DUPLESSIS

"The Virtuous Courtesan"

"La Dame aux Camélias"

Alphonsine Plessis

Countess Edouard de Perregaux (She kept her name Marie Duplessis though.)

1824 - 1847

Her father was the illegitimate son of a priest and a prostitute who was abusive to his wife, Alphonsine's mother. The poor woman took off to Paris hoping to support herself and, eventually, her daughters but she died when Alphonsine was only six. Abandoned into the care of relatives, rumor was that the girl was sexually abused from the age of eleven and a half.  Accused of being a seductress, she was sent back to the father who didn't want her. He left her and her sister to become apprentice laundresses. At thirteen and fourteen years old she was a blanchisseuse. This was the fate of many girls in those days.

Excerpt Page 32 : "Such an apprenticeship involved long hours of hard and repetitive physical labour... First piles of dirty linen would be sorted and washed, the actual washing sometimes done in a communal washroom by a washerwoman, a lower level of work than the blanchisseuse.  Much of the work of the blanchisseuse consisted of ironing, which would be done at a large table covered with a heavy blanket, itself covered with calico.  Several irons were heated on the large cast-iron stove, and it would be the job of the apprentice to keep this stove filled - always being careful not to overfill it - with coke... The blanchissuese herself and her older employees would be busy ironing intricate objects such as caps, shirt-fronts, petticoats, and embroidered drawers, while the apprentice would be put to work on the plain items, the stockings and the handkerchiefs..."

What happened next would shock today. Her father then gave her over to a man who was sixty to seventy years old and might have actually sold her to him. When her employer realized the situation, she was fired. To escape this man Alphonsine took a job as a hotel maid. Her father than gave her over to another man. Marie would not talk about it, but there is a strong possibility that her father than took her for himself, committing rape and incest on his own daughter. In 1839 The father and daughter suddenly upped and went to Paris.

As I read these passages I do wonder if Alphonsine's father intended for her to become a prostitute as his mother had been. As author Rounding describes it, French Parisian culture had an understanding of prostitution, and many prostitutes' were legally registered. In Paris the father again left her with relatives and, now only fifteen, she was placed as an apprentice with a dressmaker. She worked long hours - 7 am to 8 pm six days a week. She attached lace and embroidery to decorate dresses there. A dressmaker did not want apprentices who became prostitutes but it was not unusual for them, due to the low, unlivable pay to become grisettes - a woman who took on a paying lover.

Alphonsine, despite her hard work, may have been going hungry. 

Then one day she and two friends accepted the offer of a day away by the owner of a restaurant who probably knew they were hungry.

Excerpt Page 35: "Quite who seduced whom, who exploited whom, is debatable: Alphonsine, with her precocious sexual experience, was an easy prey for a man with a certain amount of sophistication on the look-out for a young and pretty mistress, while she was quick to realize that, if she played her cards right, Nollet was in a position to offer her a way out of a life of drudgery and relative poverty. Events progressed rapidly. Within a month Monsieur Nollet had installed Alphonsine in a small apartment in the rue de l'Arcade and given her three thousand francs for her initial needs."

Poverty, hard physical labor, and sexual abuse would give Alphonsine motivation to improve her life, quite obviously. Her relatives in Paris, realizing also what she had done, outcasted her. She was alone in the world. Nollet was her first known patron and she soon overspent for his means and took other lovers as well. It was as if she gave in to her fate, or realized there was only one way to survive.

Alphonsine Plessis would fashion herself Marie Duplessis and rise out of poverty and obscurity by becoming an honored Courtesan. To do that she needed the patronage of a man and one known to other Courtesans came into her life. The next seven years or so of her short life would be dramatic and, perhaps because she had to know she was dying, gravely ill, she earnestly sought entertainments.

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Notes: The image on the book is not that of Maria Duplessis.

Here at Mistress Manifesto I've featured a great many Courtesans and Paris seems to have been the epicenter of Courtesan culture. You can click on the tag below to bring up posts such as Paris, or Courtesan.

BLUE

 

SHOULD SHE TELL THE NEW WOMAN IN THIS NO-GOOD MAN'S LIFE THAT HE'S DISHONEST?

Question For Missy

Hi Missy,

A couple years ago a man who I considered to be a friend in a social group I'm still associated with, invited me to move in with him. We had some good times together. I never dated this man but I did have coffee with just him alone a few times. We talked and joked. I thought I made it clear, in a nice way, that I was not interested in anything more than friendship. 

From the start, when I met him, he talked about living in a large condo worth a half a million. As it goes most of the men in the social group own property and most of the women rent. I needed to move out of the place I'd been living in for several years and fast. Over many hours of phone conversations we talked about what it would be to live together as house-mates in the condo since we seemed to get along so well as friends. I was willing to rent (pay cash) for a bedroom and an office space as a short term agreement and it seemed ideal because it's located close to work.

I was supposed to go over and see the space and he kept delaying, saying he was moving things around, clearing the closet to get ready for my move in. Well, finally, we met up for lunch with the agreement that I would go over to see the place that day and I had only three weeks left to find a place. That was when he admitted he wanted a girlfriend out of the deal, wanted me to sleep in bed with him as a "practical" solution because there's only one bedroom in the place, not two after all. I could go on, but knowing him for a year, finally he was admitting the truth: the place was a wreck. He needed income to repair it and keep up with his monthly fees and even. He ran the clock out on me figuring I would have sex with him out of desperation to have a roof over my head.

I was shocked, depressed and ended up in a motel.

I decided that I no longer wanted his friendship and told him so. When he heard I was in a motel he renewed his offer that we "try" a relationship.

By the way a mutual friend in the group who had known him for years gave him an excellent reference and part of his deception was to tell me I could speak to an ex of his who he was still friends with and she would vouch for him as a "gentleman." 

Despite this betrayal and how it badly effected me, the others all stayed friends with him.

He has shown up with a new woman, a widow who really seems to be into him. Every time I see them together I keep thinking that he has to be deceiving her. I hear he asked her to marry him almost immediately and also claimed he would be able to support her. He then borrowed a few thousand from a friend to wine and dine her. Some mutual friends say "She's an adult" and to not tell her the truth about him. They say he's alone and needs someone. I keep wondering how many of these people in our social group knew the truth about him and didn't tell me. 

Should I tell her?

Veronica

San Jose, California

Answer From Missy

Hi Veronica,

Choice rests on knowing the truth and this no-good man was dishonest.

The question of whether or not to tell someone else the truth of your experience with a man - or any other person - is a difficult one. (Should you tell a woman her husband has a mistress?) I tend to side with those who say "She's an adult" because you never know. Maybe he sees how he lost your friendship and will not repeat the same mistake with her. Maybe she sees him more clearly than you know or you did.

Your social group may be a lot of people who are superficial, only into it for the good times, or who do not have your values, and so you might want to move on from the entire group. This is not just about him betraying you but all of them betraying you.

I also tend to think that telling someone a difficult truth has to do with how close you are with a friend and this new woman is not in a friendship with you. That said, in my life when I told someone I thought of as close enough to confide in a difficult truth, for instance that their "hetero" husband was gay and cheating on them with men, or, for instance, that maybe it was best if they give up trying to adopt - the friendship ended. I spoke out of friendship, because I knew how these women were suffering. But some people do shoot the messenger. In a healthy friendship, both persons should be able to he heard.

Let's put this one out there.  Are any of my dear readers opinionated?

Missy

INTELLIGENCE

 

RECLAIMING WITH MONICA LEWINSKY PODCAST - THE ACTIVIST INTERVIEWS

 APPLE PODCASTS MONICA LEWINSKY  (Also available on YouTube...)

RECLAIMING with MONICA LEWINSKY PODCAST

Excerpt:  If you're interested in unexpected conversations that go uncharted places, are remotely self-aware and like to laugh, then please join me as I continue to find my public voice on Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky. (That's me.) I will have honest, wide-ranging interviews with all kinds of people - recognizable names, regular folks, experts and friends - about what it means to reclaim what's been lost or taken in the broadest sense.  Every week, I'll draw from my own unique experiences (like say, surviving a global scandal at 24 years old), and delve into the personal and often messy ways people find their way back to themselves.  And because I love a good tangent, we'll probably also touch on other stuff, too.

HOW TO TELL IF HE'S PARTNERED VERY EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO TELL IF HE'S PARTNERED VERY EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP

As we all know, Monica Lewinsky knew President William Jefferson Clinton was married.  His wife has been the very high profile Hillary Clinton, a lawyer, and a First Lady who would also run for President of the United States some years later. Of course, so did the President know he was married. And Monica was not married, and much younger, and crazy for Bill. He was in position of power. She was not.

But ah, what about those of you who just met someone, have been dating a little while, maybe have already started having sex, and have feelings for that someone, but their personal life is a mystery? They are not wearing a wedding band so you may think they are free to be with you. 

I'm convinced that the way into being a Mistress for most Western 21st century women is just that; first you fall, then you find out. After all, there's a better chance than ever that you're going to earn money of your own and have independence unthinkable in previous generations. Unlike many of the women profiled here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO, who had little choice in life, you probably don't need to survive by being a Courtesan. What happens if you're already involved when he tells you or you find out he's partnered? Maybe you've fallen for him. Well, you don't want to let go. Some men do know that your attachment to them will make it difficult for you to break off with them and that's how they seduce. Let's not blame the men totally though. Some women who are married find themselves attracted to and involved with a man and don't tell the whole truth right away either.  (And yes, I'm aware I'm writing this in hetero context but it happens in homosexual relationships too.) Also, you may be innocent, inexperienced, or naive. You want to start out trusting people and being open to love. (Me too!)

It can be confusing also because many 21st century women know that there is no commitment until the two of you agree which means someone has to suggest it and you have to talk about it. Until that agreement, made of Choice, you know that this other person may very well be "dating around" or "sleeping around."  So when he doesn't call for a few days, or seems to want to see you last minute rather than make a plan, you may not automatically think that it's because he's partnered.

By the way, I can't easily define promiscuity. Let's talk basics. Do you know his real name, or where he lives? Where he works? You should know some basic information like that and, if you don't, you may be having sex with a stranger. All of this means that it's best to get to know someone better before you get involved. Don't get picked up.  Even if you meet someone at a party and feel wildly attracted to them, don't leave the party with them. I have come to understand that use of drugs or alcohol can blur your ability to make Choices in the moment, which can lead to devastating consequences. Moderation is advised.  It also helps to have a best friend along so you can be supportive to each other in any situation that might come up.

Here's my list :

Missy

Married, Living Together, Domestic Partnership - same difference.  Or in a steady, committed relationship but not living together.

If he is ...

He may call you or text you last minute to ask you to meet with him. (How many women is he juggling?)

He may suggest you provide your own transportation to the meet up. (Providing your own transportation can be a positive though, especially in early stages of getting to know someone.) Maybe he doesn't want to be seen in your area?

He may call or text you for a hook up or want a friends with benefits arrangement. (If you read this blog, you know I oppose these arrangements. You only have so much libidinal energy.)

He may have local sex with you in places other than his place or yours, such as in the office or a motel, or out in nature, as if he is seizing the moment and thinks this is exciting.

He may have you waiting for his call or for him to make time or show up. (Mistresses often do a lot of waiting for visits and such and if you decide to be a Mistress, consider that you should continue having a separate life.)

He may cancel, show up late, or leave early. (He's got other responsibilities.)

He may give you his business card and suggest you call him at work, avoiding giving a personal phone number. 

He may suggest it's best if he calls you or demand you not call him.

He may excuse himself to make a quick call often enough for you to be suspicious. Can they really not do without him being on-call for business?

He may want to come over to your place and hang out there rather than take you out in public.

He may see you but only have time for sex, even though you had more of a plan.

He may want to go places where you will not meet up with his friends or family or partner - nor yours!

He may avoid Friday or Saturday "date nights" routinely. (Meeting up with a new person for coffee or lunch during the day can be a good way to get to know them.)

He may ask you to meet him out of town or for a vacation.

He may avoid seeing you on holidays. (He's gone for that three day weekend...)

He may gift you or celebrate your birthday or Valentine's day early but not be available on those days.

He may say he is going out of town on business or traveling but will be back in touch.

He may use his work as a reason or excuse for why he's busy or been out of touch.

He may introduce you as his coworker or secretary or assistant when you are not.

He may not talk about his partner at all, as if he or she doesn't exist. 

He may say that he and his partner are friends or together to raise their children. (If they are legally divorced, this is ideal for the children, so -)

He may say, "You didn't ask" when you say he did not tell you he had a partner. (Not telling is also a way of being dishonest.) 

These behaviors are ones in which the person is avoiding tell you that they have a partner or someone else in their life. Deception and evasiveness is lying. However, you can't expect anyone to tell you everything there is to know about them quickly, so - All of these behaviors can be about dating more than one person when no promises of faithfulness or loyalty or commitment has been made rather than being married too.

More tricky:

He may take off his wedding band and not be wearing it when he goes out seeking another lover.

He may use his children as an excuse for where he is. (Of course you want him to have a relationship with them!)

He throws any receipts - such as for restaurant meals - gifts for you - or the hotel room away rather than risk taking them home.

You do get to meet some of his friends or business partners or others "in the know" about his personal life, basically people who will not out him or will accept you. Who are the women they are with?

***

I have tremendous concern about the spreading of venereal diseases including HIV/AIDS because these impact your health and all relationships you have now and in the future. If you're not using protection to avoid STD's you may also be risking pregnancy you have not planned on. Wanting to remain healthy is a best reason for being cautious.

Missy