THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I AM SO PROUD OF OTHER WOMEN AND TODAY IS ONE OF THEM : CONTACT YOUR POLITICIANS : EPSTEIN FILES TRANSPARENCY ACT

Among the things I admire about these women is the mention of other women who are not believed and may not be able to speak out or get justice in other countries, who don't speak English, from Russia, Ukraine, and other countries, women who were also sex trafficked by or for Jeffrey Epstein. These women have courage and they ask that others come forward if they too were abused and/or trafficked by Jeffrey Epstein - Ghislaine Maxwell - or others we have not heard about. There are hundreds of women who have been silent or silenced.

In this blog, MISTRESS MANIFESTO, we explore some women who were no doubt raped, sexually exploited, some who made the best of their situation in their place and time when, overall, women had little to no opportunity to have education, careers, or opportunities for independence - even marriage could rarely be avoided. We would not know about most of them if it were not for literature, that they or someone else thought they were interesting and important enough to write about. 

Overall, life has improved for women, but there are still many who find themselves in situations they can't easily get out of, if at all.

Choice has expanded in Western culture, but it always rests in truth - information. There are so many situations in life were a person not only feels powerless, they are powerless.

As some of these women have stated they were fourteen years old, or sixteen years old, when they went to give "massage" to a rich older man who made it sexual abuse, intimidated them, and told them they had to bring other women to him. This is one of the reasons I suggest that it's probably not a good idea to consider becoming a Mistress until one has lived a while, completed an education, started a career, and explored one's own sexuality with consensual partners.

I'm linking to information on the EPSTEIN FILES TANSPARANCY ACT which is house bill #4405

This bill was introduced by
Representative Ro Khanna,  California, District 17 115th-119th

MERKLEY SENATE : TEXT OF THE EPSTEIN FILES TRANSPARANCY ACT

HOUSE GOV FIND YOUR REPRESENTATIVE

Give a call or send an e-mail. Get behind legislation that may lead to further protections for women.

MY POST FROM 2019 ABOUT THE SCANDAL on 8/13/2019 is titled THE JEFFREY EPSTEIN SEX TRAFFICKING SCANDAL - HOW YOUNG IS TOO YOUNG TO HAVE SEX?

MARIE DUPLESSIS : GRAND HORIZONTALES : PARISIAN COURTESANS OF THE NAPOLEAN III ERA

Virginia Rounding's book Grande Horizontales begins with the assumption that Courtesans were prostitutes of the highest quality and because of this, the most expensive. So, her book begins with quite an interesting expose on prostitution in 19th century Paris. Here at Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot, we yearn to define what being a Mistress means, and I acknowledge that the assumption of prostitution is there along with the idea that a Mistress is Kept for sex - only or primarily for sex. After many years of blogging I still find the question to be one that has many answers, but I think mistresses are in relationships that are more interesting than "just sex." That said, a prostitute can become a mistress and visa versa but exactly at what point does a woman become a Courtesan, since some of these women did "rise up" out of prostitution? Maria Duplessis's story has an answer to when.

Grande Horizontales focuses on four Courtesans, and this month I will focus on Marie Duplessis who died at the young age of twenty-three of tuberculosis. One of her lovers, Alexandre Dumas, based his main character in the novel La Dame Aux Camelias, which was published in 1848. Camelias were Marie's favorite flowers. She was married in 1846 to Count Edouard de Perregauz, until her death.

MARIE DUPLESSIS

"The Virtuous Courtesan"

"La Dame aux Camélias"

Alphonsine Plessis

Countess Edouard de Perregaux (She kept her name Marie Duplessis though.)

1824 - 1847

Her father was the illegitimate son of a priest and a prostitute who was abusive to his wife, Alphonsine's mother. The poor woman took off to Paris hoping to support herself and, eventually, her daughters but she died when Alphonsine was only six. Abandoned into the care of relatives, rumor was that the girl was sexually abused from the age of eleven and a half.  Accused of being a seductress, she was sent back to the father who didn't want her. He left her and her sister to become apprentice laundresses. At thirteen and fourteen years old she was a blanchisseuse. This was the fate of many girls in those days.

Excerpt Page 32 : "Such an apprenticeship involved long hours of hard and repetitive physical labour... First piles of dirty linen would be sorted and washed, the actual washing sometimes done in a communal washroom by a washerwoman, a lower level of work than the blanchisseuse.  Much of the work of the blanchisseuse consisted of ironing, which would be done at a large table covered with a heavy blanket, itself covered with calico.  Several irons were heated on the large cast-iron stove, and it would be the job of the apprentice to keep this stove filled - always being careful not to overfill it - with coke... The blanchissuese herself and her older employees would be busy ironing intricate objects such as caps, shirt-fronts, petticoats, and embroidered drawers, while the apprentice would be put to work on the plain items, the stockings and the handkerchiefs..."

What happened next would shock today. Her father then gave her over to a man who was sixty to seventy years old and might have actually sold her to him. When her employer realized the situation, she was fired. To escape this man Alphonsine took a job as a hotel maid. Her father than gave her over to another man. Marie would not talk about it, but there is a strong possibility that her father than took her for himself, committing rape and incest on his own daughter. In 1839 The father and daughter suddenly upped and went to Paris.

As I read these passages I do wonder if Alphonsine's father intended for her to become a prostitute as his mother had been. As author Rounding describes it, French Parisian culture had an understanding of prostitution, and many prostitutes' were legally registered. In Paris the father again left her with relatives and, now only fifteen, she was placed as an apprentice with a dressmaker. She worked long hours - 7 am to 8 pm six days a week. She attached lace and embroidery to decorate dresses there. A dressmaker did not want apprentices who became prostitutes but it was not unusual for them, due to the low, unlivable pay to become grisettes - a woman who took on a paying lover.

Alphonsine, despite her hard work, may have been going hungry. 

Then one day she and two friends accepted the offer of a day away by the owner of a restaurant who probably knew they were hungry.

Excerpt Page 35: "Quite who seduced whom, who exploited whom, is debatable: Alphonsine, with her precocious sexual experience, was an easy prey for a man with a certain amount of sophistication on the look-out for a young and pretty mistress, while she was quick to realize that, if she played her cards right, Nollet was in a position to offer her a way out of a life of drudgery and relative poverty. Events progressed rapidly. Within a month Monsieur Nollet had installed Alphonsine in a small apartment in the rue de l'Arcade and given her three thousand francs for her initial needs."

Poverty, hard physical labor, and sexual abuse would give Alphonsine motivation to improve her life, quite obviously. Her relatives in Paris, realizing also what she had done, outcasted her. She was alone in the world. Nollet was her first known patron and she soon overspent for his means and took other lovers as well. It was as if she gave in to her fate, or realized there was only one way to survive.

Alphonsine Plessis would fashion herself Marie Duplessis and rise out of poverty and obscurity by becoming an honored Courtesan. To do that she needed the patronage of a man and one known to other Courtesans came into her life. The next seven years or so of her short life would be dramatic and, perhaps because she had to know she was dying, gravely ill, she earnestly sought entertainments.

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

Notes: The image on the book is not that of Maria Duplessis.

Here at Mistress Manifesto I've featured a great many Courtesans and Paris seems to have been the epicenter of Courtesan culture. You can click on the tag below to bring up posts such as Paris, or Courtesan.

BLUE

 

SHOULD SHE TELL THE NEW WOMAN IN THIS NO-GOOD MAN'S LIFE THAT HE'S DISHONEST?

Question For Missy

Hi Missy,

A couple years ago a man who I considered to be a friend in a social group I'm still associated with, invited me to move in with him. We had some good times together. I never dated this man but I did have coffee with just him alone a few times. We talked and joked. I thought I made it clear, in a nice way, that I was not interested in anything more than friendship. 

From the start, when I met him, he talked about living in a large condo worth a half a million. As it goes most of the men in the social group own property and most of the women rent. I needed to move out of the place I'd been living in for several years and fast. Over many hours of phone conversations we talked about what it would be to live together as house-mates in the condo since we seemed to get along so well as friends. I was willing to rent (pay cash) for a bedroom and an office space as a short term agreement and it seemed ideal because it's located close to work.

I was supposed to go over and see the space and he kept delaying, saying he was moving things around, clearing the closet to get ready for my move in. Well, finally, we met up for lunch with the agreement that I would go over to see the place that day and I had only three weeks left to find a place. That was when he admitted he wanted a girlfriend out of the deal, wanted me to sleep in bed with him as a "practical" solution because there's only one bedroom in the place, not two after all. I could go on, but knowing him for a year, finally he was admitting the truth: the place was a wreck. He needed income to repair it and keep up with his monthly fees and even. He ran the clock out on me figuring I would have sex with him out of desperation to have a roof over my head.

I was shocked, depressed and ended up in a motel.

I decided that I no longer wanted his friendship and told him so. When he heard I was in a motel he renewed his offer that we "try" a relationship.

By the way a mutual friend in the group who had known him for years gave him an excellent reference and part of his deception was to tell me I could speak to an ex of his who he was still friends with and she would vouch for him as a "gentleman." 

Despite this betrayal and how it badly effected me, the others all stayed friends with him.

He has shown up with a new woman, a widow who really seems to be into him. Every time I see them together I keep thinking that he has to be deceiving her. I hear he asked her to marry him almost immediately and also claimed he would be able to support her. He then borrowed a few thousand from a friend to wine and dine her. Some mutual friends say "She's an adult" and to not tell her the truth about him. They say he's alone and needs someone. I keep wondering how many of these people in our social group knew the truth about him and didn't tell me. 

Should I tell her?

Veronica

San Jose, California

Answer From Missy

Hi Veronica,

Choice rests on knowing the truth and this no-good man was dishonest.

The question of whether or not to tell someone else the truth of your experience with a man - or any other person - is a difficult one. (Should you tell a woman her husband has a mistress?) I tend to side with those who say "She's an adult" because you never know. Maybe he sees how he lost your friendship and will not repeat the same mistake with her. Maybe she sees him more clearly than you know or you did.

Your social group may be a lot of people who are superficial, only into it for the good times, or who do not have your values, and so you might want to move on from the entire group. This is not just about him betraying you but all of them betraying you.

I also tend to think that telling someone a difficult truth has to do with how close you are with a friend and this new woman is not in a friendship with you. That said, in my life when I told someone I thought of as close enough to confide in a difficult truth, for instance that their "hetero" husband was gay and cheating on them with men, or, for instance, that maybe it was best if they give up trying to adopt - the friendship ended. I spoke out of friendship, because I knew how these women were suffering. But some people do shoot the messenger. In a healthy friendship, both persons should be able to he heard.

Let's put this one out there.  Are any of my dear readers opinionated?

Missy

INTELLIGENCE

 

RECLAIMING WITH MONICA LEWINSKY PODCAST - THE ACTIVIST INTERVIEWS

 APPLE PODCASTS MONICA LEWINSKY  (Also available on YouTube...)

RECLAIMING with MONICA LEWINSKY PODCAST

Excerpt:  If you're interested in unexpected conversations that go uncharted places, are remotely self-aware and like to laugh, then please join me as I continue to find my public voice on Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky. (That's me.) I will have honest, wide-ranging interviews with all kinds of people - recognizable names, regular folks, experts and friends - about what it means to reclaim what's been lost or taken in the broadest sense.  Every week, I'll draw from my own unique experiences (like say, surviving a global scandal at 24 years old), and delve into the personal and often messy ways people find their way back to themselves.  And because I love a good tangent, we'll probably also touch on other stuff, too.

HOW TO TELL IF HE'S PARTNERED VERY EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO TELL IF HE'S PARTNERED VERY EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP

As we all know, Monica Lewinsky knew President William Jefferson Clinton was married.  His wife has been the very high profile Hillary Clinton, a lawyer, and a First Lady who would also run for President of the United States some years later. Of course, so did the President know he was married. And Monica was not married, and much younger, and crazy for Bill. He was in position of power. She was not.

But ah, what about those of you who just met someone, have been dating a little while, maybe have already started having sex, and have feelings for that someone, but their personal life is a mystery? They are not wearing a wedding band so you may think they are free to be with you. 

I'm convinced that the way into being a Mistress for most Western 21st century women is just that; first you fall, then you find out. After all, there's a better chance than ever that you're going to earn money of your own and have independence unthinkable in previous generations. Unlike many of the women profiled here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO, who had little choice in life, you probably don't need to survive by being a Courtesan. What happens if you're already involved when he tells you or you find out he's partnered? Maybe you've fallen for him. Well, you don't want to let go. Some men do know that your attachment to them will make it difficult for you to break off with them and that's how they seduce. Let's not blame the men totally though. Some women who are married find themselves attracted to and involved with a man and don't tell the whole truth right away either.  (And yes, I'm aware I'm writing this in hetero context but it happens in homosexual relationships too.) Also, you may be innocent, inexperienced, or naive. You want to start out trusting people and being open to love. (Me too!)

It can be confusing also because many 21st century women know that there is no commitment until the two of you agree which means someone has to suggest it and you have to talk about it. Until that agreement, made of Choice, you know that this other person may very well be "dating around" or "sleeping around."  So when he doesn't call for a few days, or seems to want to see you last minute rather than make a plan, you may not automatically think that it's because he's partnered.

By the way, I can't easily define promiscuity. Let's talk basics. Do you know his real name, or where he lives? Where he works? You should know some basic information like that and, if you don't, you may be having sex with a stranger. All of this means that it's best to get to know someone better before you get involved. Don't get picked up.  Even if you meet someone at a party and feel wildly attracted to them, don't leave the party with them. I have come to understand that use of drugs or alcohol can blur your ability to make Choices in the moment, which can lead to devastating consequences. Moderation is advised.  It also helps to have a best friend along so you can be supportive to each other in any situation that might come up.

Here's my list :

Missy

Married, Living Together, Domestic Partnership - same difference.  Or in a steady, committed relationship but not living together.

If he is ...

He may call you or text you last minute to ask you to meet with him. (How many women is he juggling?)

He may suggest you provide your own transportation to the meet up. (Providing your own transportation can be a positive though, especially in early stages of getting to know someone.) Maybe he doesn't want to be seen in your area?

He may call or text you for a hook up or want a friends with benefits arrangement. (If you read this blog, you know I oppose these arrangements. You only have so much libidinal energy.)

He may have local sex with you in places other than his place or yours, such as in the office or a motel, or out in nature, as if he is seizing the moment and thinks this is exciting.

He may have you waiting for his call or for him to make time or show up. (Mistresses often do a lot of waiting for visits and such and if you decide to be a Mistress, consider that you should continue having a separate life.)

He may cancel, show up late, or leave early. (He's got other responsibilities.)

He may give you his business card and suggest you call him at work, avoiding giving a personal phone number. 

He may suggest it's best if he calls you or demand you not call him.

He may excuse himself to make a quick call often enough for you to be suspicious. Can they really not do without him being on-call for business?

He may want to come over to your place and hang out there rather than take you out in public.

He may see you but only have time for sex, even though you had more of a plan.

He may want to go places where you will not meet up with his friends or family or partner - nor yours!

He may avoid Friday or Saturday "date nights" routinely. (Meeting up with a new person for coffee or lunch during the day can be a good way to get to know them.)

He may ask you to meet him out of town or for a vacation.

He may avoid seeing you on holidays. (He's gone for that three day weekend...)

He may gift you or celebrate your birthday or Valentine's day early but not be available on those days.

He may say he is going out of town on business or traveling but will be back in touch.

He may use his work as a reason or excuse for why he's busy or been out of touch.

He may introduce you as his coworker or secretary or assistant when you are not.

He may not talk about his partner at all, as if he or she doesn't exist. 

He may say that he and his partner are friends or together to raise their children. (If they are legally divorced, this is ideal for the children, so -)

He may say, "You didn't ask" when you say he did not tell you he had a partner. (Not telling is also a way of being dishonest.) 

These behaviors are ones in which the person is avoiding tell you that they have a partner or someone else in their life. Deception and evasiveness is lying. However, you can't expect anyone to tell you everything there is to know about them quickly, so - All of these behaviors can be about dating more than one person when no promises of faithfulness or loyalty or commitment has been made rather than being married too.

More tricky:

He may take off his wedding band and not be wearing it when he goes out seeking another lover.

He may use his children as an excuse for where he is. (Of course you want him to have a relationship with them!)

He throws any receipts - such as for restaurant meals - gifts for you - or the hotel room away rather than risk taking them home.

You do get to meet some of his friends or business partners or others "in the know" about his personal life, basically people who will not out him or will accept you. Who are the women they are with?

***

I have tremendous concern about the spreading of venereal diseases including HIV/AIDS because these impact your health and all relationships you have now and in the future. If you're not using protection to avoid STD's you may also be risking pregnancy you have not planned on. Wanting to remain healthy is a best reason for being cautious.

Missy

AMERICAN CRIME STORY - IMPEACHEMENT : MONICA LEWINSKY IS A REAL PERSON AND NOT A PUNCHLINE

FX NETWORK AMERICAN CRIME STORY : IMPEACHMENT

Monica Lewinsky worked on this miniseries as a producer. 

DECIDER COM : REVIEW OF IMPEACHMENT FX SERIES by Kayla Cobb

Excerpt: Instead of a raunchy temptress, Impeachment presents Lewinsky as a lovestruck young woman, desperate to please the married man she adores. And as this relatively quaint story is pulled deeper and deeper into the politics of D.C., it devolves into pure horror. You’ll leave Impeachment feeling many things: anger at Linda Tripp, disgust toward Bill Clinton, revulsion about the cutthroat media landscape and our current team mentality of politics. But you’ll also leave it understanding that Monica Lewinsky was a real person rather than a punchline.

Missy here!  Have you been betrayed by a friend you confided in?  How, if at all, did this effect your ability to trust?  Or have you been the person who betrayed a friend? Why? Leave me a comment!

C 2025  Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot  All Rights claimed including Internet and International Rights

DIAMONDS

 

MONICA LEWINSKY SYMBOL OF STRENGTH by the band DOUBLE VICTOR

https://doublevictor.bandcamp.com/track/monica-lewinsky-symbol-of-strength

In researching Monica, I learned that there's a punk rock song written and recorded about her - or perhaps I should say for her. I'm linking to the YouTube video of the song (with a warning that there's a swear word used) so you can check that out.

YOUTUBE : MONICA LEWINSKY by DOUBLE VICTOR

 

THE 2025 ROLLING STONE INTERVIEW OF MONICA LEWINSKY

https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/monica-lewinsky-reclaiming-podcast-interview-1235264549/   article by Kate Storey  from February 14, 2025

MONICA LEWINSKY: ‘I MANAGED TO SURVIVE SOMEHOW, SO IT’S POSSIBLE’
The White House intern turned advocate opens up about her new podcast, survival, and charting a new course...

Excerpt: In her forties, though, she waded slowly, hesitantly back into public waters. In 2014, she wrote a viral essay for Vanity Fair titled "Shame and Survival." The next year, she did a blockbuster TED Talk called "The Price of Shame." In 2021, she served as a producer on the Ryan Murphy series American Crime Story: Impeachment - willing to relive the worst year of her life in exchange for a chance to have a say in how it was told.

Finally, people were ready to really hear her side. She continued writing for Vanity Fair, appeared in anti - bullying PSAs, produced a documentary called "156 Minutes of Shame", about people who’ve been publicly humiliated, and starred in a voter-registration ad campaign for the fashion brand Reformation. She was becoming a symbol of resilience.

Today, Lewinsky is using her voice in a different way. She’s launching a podcast called Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky, a Wondery production in which she’ll sit down with guests to talk about something that shaped who they are — and how they’ve come to think of it on their own terms. Some early guests are Molly Ringwald, who talks about her own experiences with fame at a young age, as well as Kara Swisher, novelist Anne LaMott, and Lewinsky’s good friend Alan Cumming. She gives each guest a crystal at the end of the show.

Missy here!  It's a great article and it got me thinking.  I ask you HAVE YOU BEEN BULLIED OR HUMILIATED?  Did you get over it easily or is the experience still sticking to you? 

C 2025  Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot  All Rights claimed including Internet and International Rights

CRYSTALS

 

MONICA LEWINSKY : A SURVIVOR WHO IS MOVING FORWARD and STILL EVOLVING

This month is dedicated to  MONICA LEWINSKY - A Survivor Who Is Moving Forward and Still Evolving.

In March 2012 I dedicated a month to Monica with my introductory post title GET OFF THE BACK OF MONICA LEWINSKY - Why Not Blame President Bill Clinton? I elected Monica to MISTRESS MANIFESTO here because it just was never fair that she took the brunt of the revelation that she had an affair with the President William Jefferson Clinton and she has suffered criticism and blame for years since. She was never a Mistress, and she isn't the first woman to have an affair with a married man, but is one of the few who became part of history - 20th Century history - because of it.

Some of the issues for all of us that come up with the scandal that hurt her, beginning when she was just twenty-four years old, include women's sexuality, power-over (an authority figure with responsibilities taking advantage of an underling), and the betrayal of a "friend" (Linda Tripp) pretending to have our best interest in mind - and pretending to be a person who one can confide in - and have that information used against us.

It is now 2025, Monica is much older (51ish) and wiser than when she was an intelligent college girl who was hired to be a White House Intern, and who had the possibility of a dazzling future career ahead of her. She has had to find her way through one obstacle after another. Monica is still evolving.  

MONICA SAMILLE LEWINSKY

1974- Present

Note: The photo of Monica is from her government ID photo by the Office of the Secretary of Defense, taken in May 1997, originally from US DOD. This image is a work of the U.S. military or Department of Defense employee, taken or made as part of that person's official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image is in the pubic domain in the United States.

C 2025 Mistress Manifesto - BlogSpot All Rights claimed including Internet and International Rights

 

HER EX MAY BE A SEXUAL PREDATOR : IS THERE ANYTHING SHE CAN DO?

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Dear Missy,

I live in a small town area of Los Angeles County. I had a brief relationship with a man who I soon thought might be one of those who will say anything he thinks you want to hear.  It was confusing but I decided against him.  Anyway, when I thought he might be sleeping around or have a steady girlfriend somewhere that he was cheating on, I decided to avoid encounters with him. He became predatory towards me even though months went by and we weren't dating. 

I'm not sure what would've happened if I'd resisted the time he saw me at my storage unit, where it turns out he rents too, and expected to have sex in the bathroom there. I managed to stop it before things went too far. Then there was the time I happened to see him in the park and he suddenly gave me a hug but also squeezed my rear for anyone who was looking to see.  He seems to want to give other men the impression I'm his...

More months went by and one day I saw him at the park where I sometimes walk at lunch. He offered me a ride back to work and I thought what the heck. Well, he pulled over in a parking lot and all of a sudden he was masturbating. I wasn't participating and I kept saying "Stop it. Let's get out of here. We could be arrested!" Finally a man was looking at the car and he said "He just wants to watch!" I insisted we leave.

Let's say he's just full of surprises.

More time went by. The last time I saw him I was walking down the street and heard someone calling "Hey Little Girl!"  He was in his van. (He has two cars and a van.) He didn't remember my name and I'm no little girl and he wanted me to get in. I kept walking and did not get in. I remembered the time I got into the van and he wanted me to get into the back.

I haven't responded to his texts or e-mails that say things like "I'm worried about you." 

I don't want his friendship. I actually feel ashamed of myself for being a mature woman who was fooled. But ever since that day where he called out "Hey Little Girl", thinking back on remarks he made like that he was having too much "fun" and was in his van sleeping in the next town for a week even he has an apartment in our town. I have this sick gut feeling that he might be driving around and trying to pick up females, who he will get sexual with, that he may molest or rape, since he is either always seductive or doesn't get no right away.

Is there anything I can do? I mean to have him checked out?

Nance

Los Angeles County

ADVICE FROM MISSY

Nance, 

I don't know if he's a sexual predator in general or focused on underaged girls or simply thinks he is seductive and adventurous but you are far from comfortable with him. That discomfort has translated to a suspicion that he may actually be picking up women in his van and that "Hey Little Girl" could be that he's preying up women, offering rides, even very young girls. I get it. Chances are the way he has been with you is the way he's been with other women.

I suggest you block his phone number and e-mail without any commentary or response. We think he just wants to assure himself you're still in his life in some way. 

We also think that should you run into him again and he asks if he can give you a ride or whatever, keep saying no. 

We get the small town aspect of this. Telling him you're involved with someone else - lying basically - can backfire on you because there might be a good man who is interested you and a healthy relationship who might hear you have a boyfriend when you don't. If you see him, therefore, and he is any way wants to reconnect, just be simple and say, "I'm not available." If he presses you say you have moved on. Don't give details or make up a boyfriend who does not exist.

As for reporting him to the authorities, other than your own experience, which you as an adult female participated in, you have no proof. We are strong knowing that even a husband, steady boyfriend, or date can be a rapist. What we don't know is if perhaps he actually has a prior record. I ran a search on Google using the terms Los Angeles and Sexual Predator and I see there may be someone to talk to about your suspicions. 

Maybe someone who knows more about this can talk with you and refer you?

DHS GOV - HOW TO REPORT  

***

Call the Los Angeles Police Department's non-emergency number at (877) 275-5273 to report an individual who abused you and to press charges, if applicable. Call and ask if there is anyone local you can speak to in the sex crimes unit.

***

THIS IS THE NATIONAL SEX OFFENDER WEB SITE. You can possibly use it to see if he has been convicted in the past!

NSOPW GOV (SEX OFFENDER LOOK UP)

Next time you meet a man who interests you, meet up with him a number of times in a brief and friendly way, such as having coffee, or in a group of friends, before you spend time just the two of you, and allow some time before you go past the goodbye kiss. It's not about being old fashioned or conservative, it's about being self protective.

Missy

PS: Check out Cassandra Peterson's book Yours Cruelly Elvira and the month I dedicated to her!

November 2023

THE THEFT OF CHOICE : SPECIAL EDITION of MISTRESS MANIFESTO  FEATURING CASSANDRA PETERSON 

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MARTHE DE FLORIAN : REMAINS A MYSTERIOUS COURTESAN THOUGH A LOVELY FICTION BOOK HAS BEEN WRITTEN ABOUT HER

In search of a biography of Marthe De Florian, without success, I ordered this fiction book which was written by Alyson Richman, who is said to have done research on the mysterious woman herself.

The Velvet Hours is a lovely book but I didn't know how much was fiction and how much was fact I could depend upon. I wanted to could elect Marthe as a Mistress of the Month but there just wasn't enough. The story, as it is written by Richman, suggests that Martha DeFlorian was supported by a man, "Albert," into her late thirties, which only ended at his death, and that he provided for her everything needed as well as luxuries. Like many of my readers, I was amazed to learn through the media that a descendent of Marthe's inherited her Paris apartment that had been locked and left "as is" after her death. The most amazing thing about the apartment was a glorious painting of Marthe that "Albert" had commissioned. It was painted by  Boldini and in it the beautiful woman wears the jewelry and gown he bought her. She might have had a sexless flirtation with the artist.  However, other newsy accounts suggest that she was a Courtesan who had a number of wealthy patrons or providers.

Like other women who became Mistresses that I've covered here at Mistress Manifesto, the woman had a child young who was given over for someone else to raise, a son. With the severe limits on what a woman could do to support herself, she started as a seamstress.

Mathilde Héloïse Beaugiron 

1864 – 1939

Painted when she was about twenty-four years old.

Other artists also painted her but this masterpiece is worth 

at least three million dollars - maybe four.

It is possible that "Albert" renamed Marthe.

Other books have been written about her .... Other bloggers have tried to capture the woman and her moment. Marthe was secluded while her man was alive.  After his death she became more social. Her apartment was found looking as it had in 1939 in 2010. 

OFF THE RECORD BY TONY JONES - WORD PRESS - MARTHE DE FLORIAN  is also a fictive imagining of a memoir or diary excerpt written by Tony.  I enjoyed reading this!

ISSUU - THE CHAP (Beautiful photos of the apartment and more interesting information.)

Excerpt:  There was also a remarkable psyche console (a kind of dresser); drawers full of letters; a multitude of trinkets; faded lace and even an extravagant stuffed ostrich in the entrance. Try to imagine the amazement of Maitre Olivier Choppin de Janvry upon discovering this place, entirely frozen in its 1900 state.

Everything was made of quiet luxury and voluptuousness, all in the full rococo style so typical of Paris at the turn of the century. Through the grey fog of dust and the saturated atmosphere, a bright life could be imagined. An existence frozen in time, not unlike the hands of time on the dial of the small golden alarm clock, situated in the middle of hairbrushes and mignonette perfumes. Ming vases and Louis XVI shepherdesses were shaded by dusty curtains with shell prints. The first time he entered this chamber, Maitre Choppin de Janvry made a spatio-temporal journey that the Situationists would have described as psychogeographical; entering this apartment, untouched

Mignonette perfumes under a carpet of 100-year-old dust...

Missy here!  If you know of a biography or memoir about Marthe, please leave me a comment with the title or location!

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THE STEREOTYPE OF A KEPT WOMAN : CAROLE TREGOFF NO - MARTHA DE FLORIAN YES

MISTRESS LIFESTYLE ?

The short tenure and terms and conditions of Carole Tregoff as Dr. Bernard Finch's Mistress - in waiting to be Wife number three - and in hopes of wealth enough to collaborate in a murder plot - while she worked as an assistant or as a waitress at a Vegas casino-restaurant - defies the stereotypes of a Mistress.  For a Mistress has long assumed to be a Kept Woman, a woman who "does not have to work" because her man is fully supporting her and he can do that because he's rich.

Today, that notion is blurred by economic realities these days. 

However, I do want to give a little time this month to Marthe de Florian, who was most certainly Kept. She may have been Kept by more than one man, but not too many, and one of them, who was likely the Love of Her Life, provided for her after his death...

Missy

MMMMMMMM

 

DOCTOR BERNARD FINCH SERVED ELEVEN ? YEARS : LET OUT IN 1971

It's TRUE! I THINK HE GOT OFF EASY CONSIDERING....  WHAT DO YOU THINK? LEAVE A COMMENT!

image from Open Clipart Library

NEW YORK TIMES : 1971 RELEASE OF DR. BERNARD FINCH

 Aug. 18, 1971

Excerpt:  SACRAMENTO, Calif., Aug. 17 (AP) — Dr. R. 13ernard Finch was ordered released on pa role today, from a life term In the slaying of his wife. Approached about jobs in Missouri, Nebraska and Maryland. The Missouri offer was from a small rural community that wanted him to operate a small hospital and clinic.

His sweetheart at the time of the slaying Carole Tregoff, was paroled in 1969 from the same sentence.

The eight-member California Adult Authority granted the once-wealthy Finch parole in his second bid for freedom since he entered prison 10 years after three sensational trials.  he will be released December 5.

Excerpt: Henry Kerr, chairman of the Adult Authority Board, said that Finch had been approached about jobs in Missouri, Nebraska, and Maryland. The Missouri offer was from a small rural community that wanted him to operate a small hospital and clinic.

Finch's medical license was revoked in California. It can be reinstated by another state, Mr. Kerr said...

CAROL TREGOFF FREED AT AGE 32 IN MAY 1969

Center for Biographical Studies and Research, : CAROL TREGOFF FREE

Excerpt:  This week, however, she won approval, and after 10 years inside the California Institution for Women she walked to freedom Thursday—a silent woman hoping for a new' life. She will be on parole for the rest of her years. Still attractive at age 32, her hair was now' its natural brown shade, and although she put on weight when she first came to prison, she w r as more slender now than when she began her sentence. Miss Tregoff and Finch w'ere finally convicted in 1961 of murder and conspiracy after three sensational trials. The first two ended in hung juries, mostly because of the tactics of defense attorney Grant T. Cooper, the veteran criminal lawyer who later defended Sirhan R. Sirhan. Iverne R. Carter, superintendent of the prison, said Miss Tregoff will live in the Los Angeles area but had asked that her whereabouts not be revealed. “She has to get her bearings in the community,” Mrs. Carter said. “She will do nothing to call attention to herself.”

Missy here!  I guess she played her cards right, so to speak, by being a model prisoner.  Carol was very young and probably more than a little crazy when she conspired to kill her lover's wife along with him, and she feared she'd be an old woman before she got out, but she did get out, in less than ten years served. 

I was unable to find an obituary for Carole Tregoff, or any further information about her.  It is said that she lived under an alias but went back to West Covina. Well, I suspect a lot of people in that area knew of Carole and where she was, and maybe they understood, or forgave, or simply ignored her. I do wonder if she ever loved again - in a healthy way - or if she lived her life as a recluse.  However I did find one hint of Carole's life in a article published in 2017 by the author Joan Didion. It's wonderfully written as only Joan Didion could and in it she says that Carole was a nursing assistant in a prison hospital.

Here's the link : RIVITER MAGAZINE - JOAN DIDION - SOME DREAMERS OF THE GOLDEN

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COFFEE?

 

CAROLE TREGOFF TRIED TO HIRE A HIT MAN TO KILL DR. BERNARD FINCH'S WIFE BARBARA : TESTIMONY AT TRIAL

Excerpts Page 164-165-166-167 :  James Cody, sometimes known as Jack or John Cody, had been sentenced to an additional year of confinement after walking off the prison farm in Minnesota. In exchange for his testimony, he was granted immunity for any crimes connected with the death of Barbara Jean Finch... My notes in parenthesis. There is no doubt from this testimony at trial that Carole was a full participant in planning the murder of her rival, Mrs. Bernard Finch - Barbara.

... Cody: "She wanted me to kill Mrs. Finch."

... Cody: "I told her Dona (an intermediary) had explained everything and that I thought I should get $2000 for doing the job. She said she thought $1000 was more reasonable, and we dickered around, you know, back and forth for a little while. Anyway, with the expense money I told her I would need - to buy a weapon and a car - we finally agreed on $1400. She was going to give me $300 up front and the rest when the job was done."...

Cody: She drew out some maps on napkins. One was a map of the Finch house and the other was a map of how to get to an apartment in Hollywood that Mrs. Finch had. Carole told me, 'If Mrs. Finch is not at the West Covina residence, she would be at the Hollywood apartment.'  It was named the Hollywood Hills Motel or Hotel, or something.  Anyway, I had the address and a map of how to get there."

Cody: "She told me it should look like a robbery, and that I should take the woman's rings and jewelry. I told her I would do it in my own way. Then we decided to do it on the following weekend, the Fourth of July weekend. Carole said that Dr. Finch goes to a tennis tournament in San Diego every Fourth of July, and that he would have a good alibi.

***

My notes: Cody said that he knew he was not going to do it right away but agreed to do it for the money he needed.  He cooperatively flew to Phoenix on a plane with the plan to take a bus to LA from there and do the murder. The travel was to hide his location when the murder occurred.

Cody: "She said "I've made up my mind Jack. If you don't do it, Dr. Finch will, and if he doesn't,  I will.

Cody: "Then she gave me $330 that she had in an envelope.

My notes page 168 -169 - 170

That night Cody and Carole met again and he told her that he had done the job with a shotgun at the Hollywood apartment. She handed him the rest of the money.  As gasps were heard around the courtroom, Cody mentioned that after this Carole was happy. However, she soon questioned whether or not the man had actually murdered Barbara. He claimed Barbara's body was in the trunk of the car. When the truth - that Barbara was indeed alive - was presented to Cody, he claimed he must have killed the wrong woman, maybe a girlfriend of Barbara's. He agreed to go back and do the job right. Then Mr. Finch gave Cody more money for another gun and expenses. This implicated the doctor in full knowledge of the plan to murder. Cody claimed he admitted he had not followed through on the plan. In yet another meeting an angry Finch asked Cody again to do the deed but also said he would do it himself. Cody accepted more money again.

CODY WAS A LIAR, so how much truth could be in this testimony?

In the end both Carole Tregoff and Bernard Finch were convicted of murder. Carole would claim that she soon knew she was no longer in love with the man.

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CAROLE'S TESTIMONY VARIED : SHE SAID IT WASN'T A "CHEAP RELATIONSHIP" and WOULDN'T ADMIT THEY HAD SEX and TRIED TO HIRE KILLERS BUT...

Subtitled  Chronical of the Finch-Tregoff Case, a Based on Fact Dramatization by James L. Jones, MD.

Bernard Finch and Carole Tregoff were to be tried separately and both were charged with murder in the first degree.

Pages 68 and 69 and 70 :

On July 29th 1959, after giving testimony in which she tried to avoid answering if she'd had sex with Bernard, Carole was arrested in the courtroom. She was not handcuffed but lead to the back of an unmarked car, charged within an hour with first degree murder.

Page 71 : "We are confident that the tow of them planned this thing together. We think they planned to tie up Mrs. Finch, inject her with a lethal dose of Seconal, and run her car over a cliff. 

Notes: Seconal among others, is barbiturate drug used for insomnia, i.e. a sleeping pill. A newer will in which Barbara Jean finch left Dr. Finch the bulk of the estate was found. (Note: She had never filed it so it was invalid.)

Meanwhile Bernard continued to say that the problem was that the Swedish nanny and Carole had simply not been in the same place - the garage - at the same time and that what they did not know was what happened between him and his wife in that garage. It was suggested that Barbara had a gun aimed at her husband at the time.

The headlines had made her a star of sorts and some people attended the trial just to see what she looked like. She claimed to have been forced to testify to incriminate herself and that she was no longer in love with Bernard. The press and the neighborhood women were sympathetic to Carole as they thought she had fallen in love and then used by Bernard.

But then two nineteen year old prostitutes in Vegas came forward to say that they knew someone who had been paid by Carole and Bernard to kill Barbara.

Excerpt page 91: (What the young prostitutes said.) "Turns out the doctor's girlfriend has been looking for somebody to 'take care of' the doctor's wife. ... She glanced at her friend quickly, then back to Powell. "We both heard Ritchie talking with a friend of his from when he worked at the Sahara.  Didn't we?"  She looked at her companion, nodding her into speaking.

"It's true," the other added, after a pause....

The girls, who wanted out of their pimp's control and to go home knew they had a deal .

Notes from pages 92 - 96 :

Forty eight days after her arrest, Carole was allowed out of jail on bail of $25,000.  A Nevada state university student told Las Vegas police he had arranged with Carole Tregoff Pappa and Dr. R, Bernard Finch, early in 1959, to hire two men to kill Mrs. Barbara Jean Finch.  There was a nationwide bulletin out for Richie Keachie and James Patrick Cody. Donald Sanford Williams also said that she had asked him if he knew any gangsters, he was an old eighbor.  Williams had introduced her to Keachie but Keachie didn't want the job.  Then Cody was asked... She offered or paid $1000,000... Cody requested immunity in exchange for his testimony.  Three men said she did.

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DONE

 

PLANNED MURDER : MYSTERY ATTACHE CASE MURDER KIT EXPLAINED AWAY?

Incriminating evidence of a plan to murder was explained away. The plan to murder wife Barbara Finch occurred because the paid hitman took the money and didn't commit the murder. When it was discovered that Barbara was still alive, the would-be hitman, who later testified against Bernard Finch and his Mistress Carole Tregoff. first lied that he must have murdered the wrong woman, and then that he needed more money to pull it off. Carole Tregoff reportedly warned the man that if he didn't do the evil deed, Doctor Bernard Finch would do it himself...  And so, evidence of a plan, which was also cleverly "explained away" by Carole and Bernie was what was contained in a brown leather attaché case...

Excerpt page 59: (Note that seconal was a popular sleeping pill and could be used to overdose a person.)

Brown leather attaché case....

two pieces of rope, each two feet in length, an eight inch kitchen knife, a plastic sheet about two feet on a side, a half empty box of .38 caliber ammunition, an elastic bandage role, small bottle of seconal tablets, two sets of surgeon's gloves, a vial of injectable seconal, a syringe and needle, a flashlight, a brown shaving kit bag...

My notes from pages 65-66: 

Carole claimed that the flashlight was so she could see where she was walking and that the sleeping pills were for her. She said that he had asked her if she needed anything for her apartment and she said a can opener, trying to explain a hammer, screwdriver, and knife.  The rope was explained as something to tie bumpers of a boat he kept at Lido Shores. The gloves because he was blowing them and playing with them like balloons with the family dog.

She said that she had seen Barbara with a gun in her hand.

Missy here : When I read this, I thought that Dr. Finch and  his Mistress Carole had tried to think of everything, including explanations, in advance of being questioned. To me this planned murder was as cold blooded as murders could get. 

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COOKING

 

DR. BERNARD FINCH : A MAN DRIVEN BY LUST AND MONEY TURNED MURDERER

Excerpt pages 52 and 53

(The divorce attorney for Barbara Jean Finch, the murdered wife of Doctor Finch, Joseph T, Forno of Los Angeles, gave telephone interviews to several newspapers.)

***

"Dr Finch threated a number of times to take Mrs. Finch to the desert and kill her," he was quoted.  When asked about the status of the divorce action, he noted that the Finches had been scheduled to appear in conciliation court the next day to discuss their differences. "Dr. Finch had expressed a desire to reconcile with his wife. The divorce action was postponed. In the meantime, we asked for all of the community property and estimated it was worth $500,000 to $1,000.000." (Note that in 2025 dollars that is about five to eleven million dollars.)

"No fault divorce" was not to come for many years. A wife who could prove "fault," especially adultery, had a very good chance of getting virtually all of the community property.

Forno served  a restraining order on Dr. Finch. "We filed an order to show cause after he violently assaulted his wife on June 25 of this year, trying to force her into his automobile. Dr. Finch had threated his wife with a gun in the past also. She was in constant fear for her life.  This was preceded by an attempt on May 16 to strangle her at her home in West Covina." Forno continued. It was after this first assault Mrs. Finch decided to file for divorce."

Mrs. Finch had filed divorce papers, and at a June 11 hearing before Superior Court Judge Roger A. Pfaff, had requested and been granted $1,650 a month in alimony and child support. She was also given complete control of Dr. Finch's revenues from the clinic. All the revenues were deposited into her personal checking account.  Barbara Jean paid the clinic's bills with her personal checks. She also signed her husband's salary checks.

.... Interestingly, the most recent (malpractice) suit had been filed by James T. Pappa, former husband of Carole Tregoff Pappa.  Mr. Pappa filed his suit the Tuesday before the murder, claiming Cinch had negligently repaired a knee abnormality.

In my opinion, erratic driving, possibly alcoholism, unnecessary surgeries just to make money, and malpractice suits against him proved that the doctor was not necessarily rational or trustworthy and may have been driven by lust and money. However, California has been a community property state since no-fault divorce and by today's standards the Doctor's wife getting everything including future profits from his clinic would probably be considered extreme, unless perhaps he was considered incompetent.

How did 22 year old Carole Tregoff get involved in this?  Was it love?  I think OBSESSION!

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