QUESTION FOR MISSY
Dear Missy,
I live in a small town area of Los Angeles County. I had a brief relationship with a man who I soon thought might be one of those who will say anything he thinks you want to hear. It was confusing but I decided against him. Anyway, when I thought he might be sleeping around or have a steady girlfriend somewhere that he was cheating on, I decided to avoid encounters with him. He became predatory towards me even though months went by and we weren't dating.
I'm not sure what would've happened if I'd resisted the time he saw me at my storage unit, where it turns out he rents too, and expected to have sex in the bathroom there. I managed to stop it before things went too far. Then there was the time I happened to see him in the park and he suddenly gave me a hug but also squeezed my rear for anyone who was looking to see. He seems to want to give other men the impression I'm his...
More months went by and one day I saw him at the park where I sometimes walk at lunch. He offered me a ride back to work and I thought what the heck. Well, he pulled over in a parking lot and all of a sudden he was masturbating. I wasn't participating and I kept saying "Stop it. Let's get out of here. We could be arrested!" Finally a man was looking at the car and he said "He just wants to watch!" I insisted we leave.
Let's say he's just full of surprises.
More time went by. The last time I saw him I was walking down the street and heard someone calling "Hey Little Girl!" He was in his van. (He has two cars and a van.) He didn't remember my name and I'm no little girl and he wanted me to get in. I kept walking and did not get in. I remembered the time I got into the van and he wanted me to get into the back.
I haven't responded to his texts or e-mails that say things like "I'm worried about you."
I don't want his friendship. I actually feel ashamed of myself for being a mature woman who was fooled. But ever since that day where he called out "Hey Little Girl", thinking back on remarks he made like that he was having too much "fun" and was in his van sleeping in the next town for a week even he has an apartment in our town. I have this sick gut feeling that he might be driving around and trying to pick up females, who he will get sexual with, that he may molest or rape, since he is either always seductive or doesn't get no right away.
Is there anything I can do? I mean to have him checked out?
Nance
Los Angeles County
ADVICE FROM MISSY
Nance,
I don't know if he's a sexual predator in general or focused on underaged girls or simply thinks he is seductive and adventurous but you are far from comfortable with him. That discomfort has translated to a suspicion that he may actually be picking up women in his van and that "Hey Little Girl" could be that he's preying up women, offering rides, even very young girls. I get it. Chances are the way he has been with you is the way he's been with other women.
I suggest you block his phone number and e-mail without any commentary or response. We think he just wants to assure himself you're still in his life in some way.
We also think that should you run into him again and he asks if he can give you a ride or whatever, keep saying no.
We get the small town aspect of this. Telling him you're involved with someone else - lying basically - can backfire on you because there might be a good man who is interested you and a healthy relationship who might hear you have a boyfriend when you don't. If you see him, therefore, and he is any way wants to reconnect, just be simple and say, "I'm not available." If he presses you say you have moved on. Don't give details or make up a boyfriend who does not exist.
As for reporting him to the authorities, other than your own experience, which you as an adult female participated in, you have no proof. We are strong knowing that even a husband, steady boyfriend, or date can be a rapist. What we don't know is if perhaps he actually has a prior record. I ran a search on Google using the terms Los Angeles and Sexual Predator and I see there may be someone to talk to about your suspicions.
Maybe someone who knows more about this can talk with you and refer you?
***
Call the Los Angeles Police Department's non-emergency number at (877) 275-5273 to report an individual who abused you and to press charges, if applicable. Call and ask if there is anyone local you can speak to in the sex crimes unit.
***
THIS IS THE NATIONAL SEX OFFENDER WEB SITE. You can possibly use it to see if he has been convicted in the past!
NSOPW GOV (SEX OFFENDER LOOK UP)
Next time you meet a man who interests you, meet up with him a number of times in a brief and friendly way, such as having coffee, or in a group of friends, before you spend time just the two of you, and allow some time before you go past the goodbye kiss. It's not about being old fashioned or conservative, it's about being self protective.
Missy
PS: Check out Cassandra Peterson's book Yours Cruelly Elvira and the month I dedicated to her!
No comments:
Post a Comment