Friday, June 30, 2017


- Anonymous

I ask YOU, is this funny?  Sexist?  I discovered it while doing some research on defining mistresses.  What definition of Mistress are you comfortable with?

Thursday, June 29, 2017


 Originally shown in 1939, screenwriters Anita Loos and Jane Murfin had to rewrite it to make the Broadway Play that was such a success for Clare Boothe (Clare Boothe Luce), to be acceptable to the American public.  Though dealing with the serious subject (especially for 1939, pre World War II) of divorce, Mistresses, and mothering, it was called a comedy.  Maybe the cat fight was funny.  It's in black and white - except for a rather exciting fashion show in color.  Besides the female playwright and female screenwriters, this one has an all female cast - and it's proto feminist though perhaps no one involved would have labeled themselves that way.  Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell, and a number of other famous female stars worked ensemble.

Norma Shearer acts as Mary Haines, one of a group of Park Avenue princesses whose husband gets himself a Mistress, almost predictably, a poorer woman who has to work as a sales clerk at a store, is beautiful and quite certain he prefers her.  The Haines have one daughter, about 8, suggesting that the seven year itch has begun.  Mary is athletic, a good mother whose daughter also rides horses.  Also stereotypically, she's the last to know her husband has a Mistress, though all her girlfriends do through the gossip of their manicurist.  The Park Avenue Princess lifestyle is about fashion shows, day spas, personal trainers and upkeep, and they all want to remain married.  Mary's own mother counsels her to pretend it's not happening - just as she once did with Mary's father.  The men will be men ethos (that so many women subscribe to today) and the belief in divorce as ruining a reputation may keep the marriage intact. 

Remarkably again for the times, Mary decides her pride and independence is more important.  Progressive for her set, she decides to take the train to Reno for a quick divorce, after meeting her husband's mistress at a courtier's house where both women are buying lots of clothes that he will pay for.

In Reno there is another cast of characters, women who are also getting divorces; a wealthy woman on her fourth, and a married woman who is divorcing so she can marry another of the woman's husbands.  Instead of being a lone woman who is divorcing, here is a bunch of husband snatchers. There's the pregnant woman who is overjoyed to be wanted back and doesn't go through with it.  But Mary does.

Two years later her husband wants her back.  He sees that his Mistress does not make a good mother for their daughter.  Predictably, Mary wants him back too.  It's her motherhood that makes it so.

C 2017 Film Review Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017


I think there are a lot of people who are just having affairs who are taking them way too seriously, and then there are those who advance to being Mistresses (or Mantresses) and are in serious and more committed relationships with another person.  Some of the people who are just having affairs are not also committing adultery.  And some of the Mistresses and Mantresses are being Kept by people who are not married or living with someone else in a marriage-like situation.

What's your situation?

P.S. I read but don't publish all comments, and would advise you to change names or not mention them at all!  See my page Comments for more information!

Thursday, June 22, 2017



What does it mean to be a "woman of a certain age," especially because we're living into our eighties now? Well, this book focuses on age 40 plus and the realities of aging on the human body. Fat redistributes giving you a tummy. Your breasts may get fuller or sag. You may or may not have money to spend on designer clothing and accessories, cosmetic surgery, or other alternatives to being mysterious about your age.

This book does have some assumptions. For instance Lois Joy Johnson, the author, and many of the models and opinion-givers photographed here are rather thin women. Or their weight gain isn't substantial looking. So I didn't see a model in the book who appeared to be "plus sized" or fat.

And while the book says it's a good thing to "cross-shop" and buy some things cheap but upgrade the entire look with more expensive accessories, overall, the author is speaking to the woman who has a closet full of clothes, some that were expensive, who needs to do some self evaluation about how she currently looks in the clothes she already has.
There are  some things I disagree with Lois Joy Johnson on, so let me get those out of the way.
The nude or flesh colored shoe, particularily a heel, elongating the look of a leg because it matches the flesh; I think this is a fashion look that's now dated. I don't think you can really fool anyone that you've grown a few inches wearing a "nude" shoe color - and I dislike shoes that seem not to match the color(s) of any of the clothing you're wearing.  You won't find any "nude" shoes or purses in my closet.
While wearing monotone clothing, or wearing V necks may elongate the look for photography, when I'm out and about and I see a woman wearing monotone or V necks, I'm not fooled that she's taller.  I may think though that she has conscientiously put together her look.

Secondly, I dislike the reliance on form shaping underwear. There is an old fashioned word for form shaping underwear - "foundations."  Maybe today's are better because they are made with miracle fibers but they are still "girdles" to hold in the tummy - slightly.  I recall as a child coming in contact with a horrible rubber one that a relative of mine had in her drawer for emergencies and that "ewe what is that!?" feeling as I pulled it out and stretched it. I agree with her that a good bra that actually fits is a necessity and that you need to be refitted frequently but most women I know try to avoid wearing them because they can be painful. Many women prefer camis and only wear a bra when they must!   I do believe such underwear can sort of smooth your shape, but it's also usually extrememly hot, even clammy, to wear. Better some exercise or diet and 100% cotton against your private parts!

Now, if I didn't think this was a very good book and worth your reading time, I wouldn't even post it here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT! I think the advice in this book is for anyone who wants to have a decent basic wardrobe, regardless of age, if you want the basis of that wardrobe to be classics, fine tailoring to fit (or refit) your clothing (a tailor is essential to add life to those items that you paid a lot of money for back when the shoulder pads were in), and learning how to appear modern not matronly.

Here are some of this fashion-insider/author's best advisements:  
Update your eye glasses every year - they are jewelry for your face.
Buy white t-shirts and underwear cheap because no matter what you do, they will loose that fresh white look from laundering. 
Buying dresses is usually overall a better idea than skirts and matching tops, because dresses can hide your body better, especially if you pay attention to the pattern, which should be swirly or floral. 
Your posture is extremely important, as is your energy and your smile.
Check out the many web sites that Johnson refers you to, and you'll be more educated about fashion and what's right for you, and might even influence today's designers who are also looking at these sites, trying to adapt to what women really think and want to buy!

To me 40 is too young to give up on some of the clothing that is suggested you be done with.  Instead, I ask "What is your physical shape and good attributes and where are you going?"  If you have great legs, I see no reason you have to have your skirts and dresses near the knee, not on you day off, or when you're going to a seaside resort, not even if you're 60.  You may want to think of animal prints in natural colors staid, when you have Zebra rainbow colors to wear with your jeans unless that's too matchy-matchy with your daughter!  And maybe your complexion is such that you really can still wear girly-girl pink and not look like one of those little old ladies with round marks of blush.
You too should read any fashion or beauty book with a strong sense of who you are and what you do or don't agree with! 

C2017  All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

Wednesday, June 21, 2017


Only if one of them can prove they can AFFORD to?

I wonder, if it was legal to be married to more than one person, how many people would stay married instead of getting divorced, and just marry a second person, or even a third.

What about people you meet who've been married MANY times?  Why do they keep getting married?

You comments?


Monday, June 19, 2017


I read the entire book though there are only two references to our Mistress of the Month, Evey, who is called Evelyne in Mark Ribowsky's book.  She's identified as a Japanese dancer here, and just has to be the same woman.  The book mostly dwells on Taylor's music career, long time drug addiction, and psychology. 
I found what the author had to say about Evelyne as well as Taylor's being "highly skilled at the art of deception," as he managed his public personae and reputation, and hid his long history of using drugs and alcohol from the public, though it was only too well known to his friends, family, and the mother of his children, Carly Simon.  It's always quite interesting to me how many co-dependents such a person has, but it sounds like Carly had gone to many psychiatrists seeking help for him and them.  You can say that she has been a devout mother and did for a long time attempt to stay married.
Chapter 19, called Never Mind Feeling Sorry For Yourself, is where we find mention of Evelyne.  The scene;Taylor and Simon have a baby son who is sickly and has to have "delicate and risky" surgery. "During the unbearably tense and frightening hours he was in surgery his father (JT) wasn't there because he was driving his latest plaything, a Japanese dancer named EVELYNE to the airport." (Carly was furious and when he did show up at the hospital. Her manager Arlyne Rothberg saw him and started to scream at him to get upstairs at the hospital.  He did eventually arrive and was bedside as the child awoke from surgery.  Prior to this he sat alone outside the hospital alone and "zoning out."

..."Before going back on the road," JT "thought nothing of trading in the dancer for an actress, Kathryn Walker, with whom he now began spending most of his time." (He would marry Walker.)* 

She, Carly, and his first serious girlfriend of note, called Maggie, were all slightly older women and you could say sophisticated and accomplished women.

The author, though he has spent many chapters explaining that Carly Simon was being driven crazy by her husband, seems not to favor her in the end because he doesn't see her as forgiving enough.  Would I?  No way. I think this author gave us plenty of reason why Taylor was so difficult. I know from other reading that he and Walker did divorce, he met and remarried and had twin sons with another woman, his third wife, and now in his seniorhood seems to have learned to live authentically and soberly, and may have come to terms with his past.  However, in my experience and opinion, some people do leave others with lasting, life-altering pain, even when they themselves reach the point of being sorry they lived that way.  Maybe forgiveness is then over-rated!  Missy

*I read this one on e-book, and on Overdrive.  I found these passages on Evey at approx. pages 1681-1686

Friday, June 16, 2017

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES - Nonconfrontation of Wives

"It's his place to deal with his wife, not mine. "

I know that when I use the word "SHOWDOWN" in a blog post title it attracts hits.  And oh, people love the "cat fight" between two women fighting over one man, hating each other like that, and maybe coming to physical violence.  A few years ago a couple Chinese women Kept by the same man went at it, someone posted it up on YouTube, and it enjoyed a lot of hits.  However, if any relationship you're in makes you get that mean and nasty, that physical, with another person, it's probably not a relationship for you.

Frankly, some men like women to fight or compete over them.  It doesn't have to be a wife - mistress situation.  I've always loathed people who go out of their way to try and make me jealous.  Sometime it's all more subtle - or maybe the term "passive aggressive" would be better - and the man just wants his ego stroked by one or both of the women he's dating or seeing or something - to reveal their passion for him. This type of person plays two people (or more) that he's involved with at the same time just to create such a situation.

However, when you're a Mistress, your place is aside your man's marriage, and sometimes your presence helps him stay married, but coming between them is never a good idea.

Yes, many a woman feels the need and right to confront the Other Woman, who thinks she is the Other Woman.  From what I've read it's even possible that the First Lady, Jacqueline Kennedy, gave a little phone call to Marilyn Monroe.
I'll never forget the time when I and my 20-something best girlfriend drove to the mall because she wanted to confront her Other Women. She and her man were not married, engaged, and hadn't even had the "going steady" talk.  No ring!  However, when she found out that the man she was sleeping with was also sleeping with this Other Woman who worked at one of those kiosks all alone, we were on our way.  I stood back as she went up to her and said, "I just want you to know X is sleeping with me."  I could see this Other Woman was shaken.  First of all, even if her boss wasn't around she was at work.  Secondly, what could she say?
Now I'm more mature and if I have a friend who thinks doing something like this is a good idea, I would tell her I think not.
You have every right to stop having sex with another person and every right to break it off with them if your needs are not met.  But when he is married, that's his marriage, not yours.
So even if his wife shows up on your doorstep, my advice is to tell her she needs to deal with her husband.  I know it may be incredibly difficult to understand and to keep your mouth from going off, especially if you have good reason to Hate her for him, but really, it's his place not yours to deal with his wife.  Besides, she's probably at least as nice as you!

Wednesday, June 14, 2017



NOTES: Carly Simon decided it was time to meet the woman that her husband was keeping in an apartment she had never been to, one that he used for rehearsals. After walking the streets of New York City in the dark, stopping at 2 am at a Cuban restaurant, where the waiter tells her that JAMES TAYLOR and his Mistress also come in there.  He advises her to Love her husband. She arrives at the building in the middle of the night.  When she lets herself in with the key she secretly had copied, she hears a woman wailing and one of James' favorite pieces of music being played on a stereo from the 4th floor apartment.  Before she can use the key again, the apartment door opens. 

There stands Evey, who at first mesmerizes Carly with her beauty but also physical difference.  Carly can't help put compare her hands and feet.  The woman invites her inside.  No doubt tipped off that his wife is on the way, this encounter which Carly is determined will be civilized, not a cat fight, proves that her husband has betrayed her beyond the physical.  Evey is angry with her for James and ready to tell her off.

Seeing a razor blade, the notion of suicide passes through Carly's mind for a moment until she remembers she has the responsibility of her children.  It is clear, after hearing all the lies that James has told against Carly, lies that Evey wholeheartedly believes, that the Mistress is not the problem.  As I read this excerpt, I had to feel so sad for both women.  Read by e-book in Overdrive, I've referenced the pages.

"She stood there, hair in her eyes, which were wide with what I interpreted as terror and angst.  The woman before me, Evey, was tiny and muscular.  She wore a black leotard, dance pants, and small "dance slippers - size four, I guessed.  Her torso was beautifully molded and her hands were white, perfect, not a single mark on them, only a band on the fourth finger.... 1719-1720 e-book (Missy here: What hand? Is this a wedding type band from Jamie?)

EXCERPTS from 1721-1722-1723-1724 e-book :
"I'm trying hard here," I said.... "I want us to be the best we can both be."

"No you're not," she replied in her broken English.  "Jamie doesn't love you.  Don't you know that?  He calls you a JAP - and he told me you buy big Mercedes Convertible, and drive around California trying to be a movie star, but you're not pretty enough." She continued in this vein, "Jamie had told her that I built a swimming pool because I couldn't bear to step on any seaweed or any rocks beneath my feet, where real people go swimming.
Jamie had also told her I disliked the feeling of sand and that if any got in the house, I would take a bottle of spray clearner out from under the sink and spreay out all the sand as if it was some dangereous fungus.  Hmm... not a bad idea. ...

EXCERPTS 1725-1726 e-book
"He says you spend all day shopping and buying fur coats and that you are dressing up your children just like you.  He tells me you nurse your little boy still and that he will grow up to be a fairy." Evey's voice rose, "And don't thick I don't know the difference between "fairy tale" and "Fairy."

EXCERPTS 1727-1728
"He says you don't really sing well and that you spend all day getting bikini waxes so you look good for all your rich boyfriends who spend planes for you all over the world...He says you won't even notice when he is out of the house because you're so in love with your diamonds and fancy shoes and you try them on in front of your mirror.  You are a party girl.  You are a bitch.  A city girl, a lazy playgirl.  What did he call you?  Yes - a swashbuckler - that's it."

Thursday, June 8, 2017


Boys in the Trees is a Memoir by Carly Simon that focuses on her early years and marriage to James Taylor, a fellow singer-songwriter, who became famous as she did in the 1970's.  The Chapter of the book that deals with Carly's encounter with James' Mistress, whom she calls "Evey," is Twenty Two, titled The Showdown.  Background: Carly Simon and James Taylor have been married for several years and have two children and she has almost become a single mother to them, as he keeps touring, while she breast feeds a sickly son past the age of 2 1/2, which she was advised to do to help him thrive, and deals with his mystery fevers. By 1980 the marriage which has long been challenged by his absence, womanizing, and drug use, and Carly think's it's her preoccupation with mothering her sickly son that may also turn him off her.

In the summer of 1979, James Taylor had a "dalliance with one of his back up singers and claimed (1629-1630 of the e-book) "It's not about you."  Carly then had her first extramarital liaison too.  Then Taylor admitted he was seeing other women including "Evey" a dancer who was living in his 4th floor walk up on West Seventieth Street, New York City.  Carly realized Evey, unlike other women that passed through his life, "wasn't going anywhere." (1635)  She still wanted to be married to James and wondered if "exclusivity" in marriage really existed.  She also found that an old girlfriend from the 1960's was sending him love letters. Again he told her this had nothing to do with her. (1637-1639)

(Of course it does!)

EXCERPT: "As for Evey, I would rather James lived with her and pined for me than the reverse." (1647-1648 e-book)

Carly then found a love note to James written by Evey.  (This is what I mean about wanting to be caught.) It irked Carly that his Mistress was calling him "Jamie," his childhood moniker.

Carly and James were fighting.  She even suggested he move out and never see the children again. He even promised he would not see Evey again.  Then Carly told him that if he and Evey were very happy together then he should pursue her. They were baiting each other and confused.  She wanted him to "swear his undying love," for her and their family.
(1663-1664, 1667-1668)

Finally Carly came up with a plan, first to get her own key made for the apartment where Evey was Kept which she had never seen.

EXCERPT: "Yes it was sneaky, but it wasn't nefarious, corrupt, or dangerous." (1668-1669)

EXCERPT: "What would happen if and when I took the plunge of interfering with Jamie's extracurricular love affair?"  (1677-1678)

 I'm excerpting here from an e-book reading on Overdrive.

Monday, June 5, 2017


Picture from Wikimedia
File:1847 U.S. Coast Survey Map of Holmes' Hole (Vineyard Haven), Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts - Geographicus - HolmesHole-uscs-1847.jpg

Friday, June 2, 2017


EVEY, a Mistress of one of America's best known and loved singer-songwriter's
remains a mystery to us, though Carly Simon, Taylor's wife at the time, has called her out.
She's called EVELYNE in "Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines," a biography
of James Taylor by Mark Ribowsky.

BOYS IN THE TREES - A MEMOIR by singer-songwriter CARLY SIMON.
CARLY SIMON is famous for her glorious almost-opera alto voice, for her wonderfully autobiographical song writing, especially hits like, "You're So Vain," and now long over marriage to singer-songwriter JAMES TAYLOR, with whom she had a son and daughter, who are not surprisingly also musical. 
Apparently though singer-songwriter fans loved that Carly and James were married rock stars, whose voices complimented each other when they made appearances on each other's albums and in concerts, their marriage wasn't what most of the couple's fans imagined. Carly Simon says, though she loved James - and I think this woman's love for her husband and the father of her children was outstanding - they were not the perfect couple that they had been promoted as.  Not at all. She acted as though she had found her soul mate and forgot her view of her parents marriage that she wrote about in her song, "The Way I Always Heard It Should Be."  During her youth her father had Kept his own Nanny as a Mistress and her mother had installed a Boy Toy under their roof and right under her ailing husband's nose.  Had Carly learned to tolerate cheating? She did hold to the belief that no musicians were faithful and she did tolerate her husband's groupies, an affair with a back-up singer, and his confession to her of having gotten gonorrhea.  What made Evey different was that she was a real challenge to her marriage.

Taylor was absent, not only because he continued to tour while she more or less stayed home to raise their two children as if she were a single mother, but because he was a drug addict - pot - coke - whiskey - heroin - and not really there even when he was in the room. You could say he was married to his addictions.

But then Carly discovered that he was also not at home because he had a Mistress stored away in his apartment there in New York City, an apartment she had never seen that he used for rehearsing. Called "Evey" by Carly in her memoir, "Boys In The Trees," Simon had a duplicate key made, and went over there in the middle of the night, a valium and Sangria to help her courage, and faced Evey.  She wanted this other woman to know she was "not a monster."

What Evey had to say to Carly, what James had told his mistress about his wife, was shocking and exaggerated. A sensitive artist, deeply emotional, and profoundly hurt, trying to keep her family together, one child sickly, Carly was perhaps facing reality too. Evey told Carly in so many words that she was considered to be a privileged, materialistic, selfish, and demanding woman. Maybe Evey was just flouting her ability to live in a small, barely furnished pad awaiting her man,"Jamie." A  tiny Japanese (or Japanese-American) woman who spoke English with an accent, she was a dancer with a good body, physically unlike Carly.  Evey was proud of her man and unexpectedly competitive.  Perhaps Jamie really was the biggest deal in her life. She amused herself when he wasn't there playing some of his favorite music. He certainly wasn't Keeping her in luxury.

It's ironic really. Usually when a wife calls out a Mistress, it's her belief that her husband is being too generous (any amount of money can be "too" generous when a wife believes that half of that money should be hers) with the Other Woman.  It's almost as if Evey is proud of her lack of demands and needs, but when I excerpt the showdown between these two later this month, I think you'll gasp like I did at the things Evey had to say to Carly, a woman who had inherited much less than imagined, used most of her inheritance early to pay for therapy, and who had success in her own right. Evey even said James Taylor told her Carly Simon was a "JAP" (Jewish American Princess)! Carly's father was Jewish and a well to do publisher (Simon and Schuster), her mom wasn't, and the family was fairly non religious.
*****Beyond this acknowledgement, later in her life, of her husband's Mistress by Carly, little else is publically known about Evey.  She may have been a musical muse, kind of like Ruth Tryangiel, the Mistress of Bob Dylan. Though in 1980, about a year after the showdown with Evey, their marriage was still intact, Taylor would soon divorce and remarry but not to Evey.  We don't know how she and Tayor met, how long they were together, if she earned enough money to support herself besides the probably free living in the apartment, or if he continued to Keep her when he remarried. After Carly, James went on to marry two more times and seems settled into and happy in his current marriage.  Carly also remarried four years after their divorce from him and is currently divorced from James Hart after almost 20 years of marriage. Evey wasn't why the Simon-Taylor marriage didn't last. 

I usually read books, but I've also started listening to some audio books, and I'm especially interested in doing so if the author is reading their own words to us.  I want to hear their voice and emotional expressions as they read their work. I heard that Carly Simon's memoir about growing up in a well-to-do publishing-related family also contained snippets of her music. What a great idea!  And so I got BOYS IN THE TREES on audio. I must say I loved it and was even brought to tears at times. (I've posted a couple Carly Simon YouTube videos in the past so you know I'm a fan.)

Carly was frank about her early sexual experiences and growing up in a household with a secret which involved her parent's infidelities.  Her mother, still married to an ailing retired husband, with their youngest child a boy, hired a college student to sort of care-give this son, while having an ongoing affair with him. The affair required a secret passageway in their house which one of her sisters figured out first. You could say Andrea Simon, Carly's mom, had herself a Boy Toy for a while. Carly's father, Richard Simon Kept his own nanny, who helped raise him as a child, as his Mistress for years, including after his marriage to Andrea. All this had a profoundly upsetting effect on Carly who may have started stuttering  as a result.

Online you can possibly link to an old article I cut out of Vanity Fair Magazine, titled "I Never Sang For My Mother," by Marie Brenner from August of 1995. At the time it was published it was quite shocking in the revelations about Carly's parents and their extramarital set ups but also that her mother could diminish her daughter so in a moment of her success.

Carly Simon, back in the day when she was a singer-songwriter (a little like the Taylor Swift of her generation) was promoted as a sexy young woman singer-songwriter - and she posed for photos that were considered daring at the time, though a typical selfie by a Kardashian sister is usually showing more nipple or rear end.)  In her memoir she admits to a whirl of affairs with musical men, prior to her marriage, as well as not being the first such woman to be passed around among them.  It was the 1970's, a wave of feminism had hit the shore, and a lot of women had decided they were not going to wait until married to have some adventures with men, but as she was talent and among peers, she was not a groupie.

 A secondary reference for this month's subject, I'll excerpt from this bio by Mark Ribowsky later in the month.  In this book "Evey" is called EVELYNE

Evey gives us a moment to pause.  She, sadly, falls into the category of Mistresses who are with men who lie terrifically to them about their wives, who have their Mistresses on their side against their wife, and who are in place quite deluded. Having known women and men who've had affairs and behaved in ways in which you can't help but think they are acting out for attention and want to get caught, I can't help but think about James Taylor at this point in his marriage with Carly Simon.
If interested in the Mistresses of musical men, their Mistresses, or their groupies, read archived posts about Bob Dylan, Pamela Des Barres, or Jim Morrison (although that one has an outstanding number of hits and I'm about to take that whole month down!)
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