Thursday, January 29, 2015



On occasion I get a comment that informs me of new information or news about a Mistress of the Month or other person that I've covered on MISTRESS MANIFESTO...  Most often these are unsigned, anonymous, and there is no link to reference.  I'm interested in hearing more about these Mistresses (or Mantresses) but please at least provide a link for reference.

PLEASE DON'T CONFUSE ME or THIS BLOG with others on the net that have similar titles.  Recently I got a comment from someone stating that he wanted to meet me and expected to spend an HOUR with me that he had scheduled.  Sorry, but as I'm not available I do not meet readers.  Also if you read some of my advice and opinion pieces you will know that I'm personally skeptical of on-line social networking or meeting.

If you have a QUESTION about a relationship dilemma, remember that I will edit your question and change the names.  I'm not trying to out anyone here.  I'm just trying to be helpful with my Opinion for what it's worth, and also I usually cannot answer a question immediately. 



Wednesday, January 28, 2015



Hi Missy,

I'm divorced and have two children from my marriage.  Hilary is a bright and sensitive six year old who goes to a private school.  Henry is three and an energetic boy and I'm a stay at home so I haven't put him into pre-school.  Their father pays child support but doesn't spend much time with them, though our agreement was that he could see them any weekend or day they have off from school. I didn't see him much when we were married which was why we ended it.

Then there is Hugo,  who I've been seeing for about a year.  I met him after my divorce.  He's married without children and much older than me.  Hugo gives me the money to pay a very sweet and competent sitter when we go out or for a weekend trip, but I meet him elsewhere.  He has never been to the house when the children have also been there.  I've showed him pictures and I talk about them to him but I've been thinking that he really should meet my children and they him.  Henry in particular doesn't seem to have much of a male role model in his father.  Any ideas?



Bessie, I really had to think about this one and here is my advice.

First, one of the reasons people such as yourself who are dating shouldn't bring their dates around the house or take their children on dates with them is that the children are often wanting their parents back together,  and are also having anxiety about things like what that man is doing locked up with mom in her bedroom or who might be their new step-mother or step-father. 

There is no good reason to stress your children with your adult relationships. 

With so very many children of divorce out there it's now common for the children to discuss their issues together such as what they really think and feel about the people their parents date with others and they do so on the school playground as well as the tree house. 

So the general rule is that people shouldn't introduce their children to any but the most serious suitors, the ones they might marry or are engaged to.  Some parents interpret this to mean someone they are sleeping with!  No! Your child does not need to know about your sex life, just who you love and have a strong committed relationship with.

I think greater boundaries are need.

Of course adults have a right to their adult relationships but it will be years before your children understand that.   About the time you tell them about the birds and the bees they will get more curious about what you've been up to and with whom and may be even more opinionated! 

As is you are counted on to be discreet but you can't count on your children being discreet and your relationship, no matter how committed or in love you are, is not serious as in about to be engaged to be married.

I sense that you want Hugo, who is not a father, to try on fatherhood and maybe fall in love with you even more by falling in love with your children.  So what I think would be best is that, if you can find an opportunity to do so that isn't too contrived, you might take your children to an event or activity where there are a lot of children and adults around and Hugo might meet them in passing, just to say hello and see their smiling faces.  (One of my friends did this though, and darn if sweet little Melissa didn't take a full blown crying, screaming, and kicking tantrum on the lawn!)

Other than that, it's up to Hugo to advance this relationship since he's the one who has to get out of a marriage to marry you.  When, if ever, he is ready, he can ask you to meet your children.


Sunday, January 25, 2015


TOSS THE GLOSS - GOOD MAKE UP RECLAIMS YOU   Web site for Author Andrea Q. Robinson 


"Robinson, whose illustrious career has included positions such as the chief marketing officer of Estée Lauder, president of Tom Ford Beauty, beauty editor of Vogue, and president of Ralph Lauren Fragrances, is the ultimate industry insider."


Missy Here!

Andrea is an advocate of natural beauty or the approximation of nature by cosmetics.  That means that you should not be wearing makeup meant for the darkness of a restaurant or a disco to work.

I loved this book.  I even took notes and headed to various drug stores, determined to find the least expensive but good to great products.  Sadly, I spent an entire day going to three of the giant drug store chains in my area, and then to Target, where either they didn't have the full collection by a manufacturer, or the very product in the color I needed was sold out.  Believe this!  I ran into two women - one much older than me and one much younger - while searching for correct colors and textures - and both claimed to be make-up artists for Hollywood stars who had things to say to me about what to purchase.  But when I looked at them, well, their own make up wasn't so great.  They both needed to read this book!

Andrea's recommendations are not based on price.  She manages to give a large range of best of products including the very expensive to good old Dove soap for the complexion.

Did you know that most cosmetic companies forget about women who are forty or over, not targeting their marketing to them, so if you are forty or over you very well may be wearing cosmetics that are all wrong for you - your skin - because they were never designed, created, or marketed for you in the first place?

How about this; there is maybe one eye shadow manufacturer in Europe - in Italy - and so the most expensive to the most inexpensive may just be made there?  (i.e.  why buy expensive shadow?)

How about those dark circles under your eyes?  Should you really even try to cover them up?

At what point should you give in and get an eye tuck or a face lift?

Thursday, January 22, 2015


"I will not apply cosmetics in public, especially not at a dining table, and I will not comment on cosmetic surgery in public either."

Seeing a woman putting on mascara while in slow moving traffic the other day made me think that she was a hazard on the road, never mind being distracted by cell phones.  Who needs extra coats of mascara that much?

Then I thought about those women who are at a dining table, be it a dinner party or in a restaurant, who lift up a knife and use it as a mirror to check their lipstick, the women who put on lipstick just to leave cheap looking smears on it on wine glasses and coffee mugs and cigarette butts, and those women who pull out a compact to check their makeup who seem so self absorbed when they do that.

So instead, go to the ladies room to blot your lipstick (even if it claims to be one of those that lasts 8, 12, 24 hours) before you dine and return there to reapply before you leave, if you feel the need.  Wear natural colors that smooth and moisturize your lips rather than dramatically color them.  Do a good job of putting on your cosmetics before you leave the house, and that means for day wear or casual wear not overdoing it. 

Finally, never comment on someone's cosmetic surgery in public, even if you mean to compliment them.  That is to call attention to them and their surgery when they may not feel like talking about it.  After all, some of them really think they can fool you into thinking those dramatic results came from a week at a spa or the latest expensive cream.

Sunday, January 11, 2015


THE FRENCH RIVIERA - A Cultural History by Julian Hale
is C 2009 by the author and published by Oxford University Press.
This book focuses on the development of a stretch of France that butts up against Italy, just about where Monaco is, beginning with the ancient history of first the Greeks and then the Romans, who built towns, monuments, forts, and even a fish farm, but maybe most important roads.  The steep and unstable precipices in the area certainly gave the Romans, the great road builds, many challenges.  By the 1730's the carriage road was still a rocky ride but had been built between Monaco and Menton.  The Grimaldi family had lost some of their property and then regained it. 

The Grimaldi ethnic heritage includes both French and Italian ancestors.  And as the author explains "The Grimaldi family have been big players in the South of France and what is now Italy from Genoa to Naples for the past nine centuries.  They are the longest serving reigning dynasty in Europe (and probably the world.) (Page 33)

From the official family website you will note "the Grimaldi's emerged from the Crusades as one of the four major ruling families of the Genoese urban nobility, especially warriors, ship owners, and bankers."  (Some things never change!)

Monday, January 5, 2015


MONACO - a tax haven and playground for the extremely rich, a great place to loose a lot of money at the Monte Carlo Casino for those who don't care how much they loose, with its plethora of multimillionaires and billionaires and some of the highest real estate values on earth, a harbor full of boats, Grand Prix races, and home of the unruly Grimaldi family - is, in my not so humble opinion, possibly one of the best places on earth to have a Mistress, be a Mistress, or meet a woman who wants to be one, at least before marriage. 

In September of 2010, I featured Nicole Coste, the ex airline stewardess who has a son with Albert II of Monaco, as Mistress of the Month here at MISTRESS MANIFESTO.  It's said that Albert II might have married her but his father, Ranier III, objected strongly.  (Is Albert II still seeing her?  Most likely he still visits with his son.  They live not too far away.)

I've asked "Is Monaco the Mistress Capital of the World?"

I've never been there but I'm a Monaco watcher.  I like to read about what's going on in this teeny tiny principality, maybe because my mom liked Princess Grace.  

So, to get one thing out of the way before I go on, I want to say that I think Princess Charlene is terrific and I hate erroneous stories that have her fleeing her own wedding or interpreting her crying at her wedding as a negative.  What woman doesn't shed at least a few tears of heartfelt emotion at a wedding?  I know I do as a wedding guest!  

Princess Charlene is one more Princess who proves being one is no easy life.  I do think all of Charlene's sports training and swim competitions, which included Olympic training and competition, helped her gain endurance, courage, and a fighting spirit for life.  Mid December 2014, the 36 year old Princess, who was with Albert II for six years before they wed about three years ago, had twins, Jacques (first in line for the throne) and Gabriella (second in line for the throne though born two minutes earlier than Jacques by cesarean delivery).  The pictures released by the palace of the happy family are adorable.

It's not lost on me that Princess Charlene converted to Catholicism before marriage in order to marry Albert II, that a woman who begins dating a man when she's 30ish and more fertile may have to resort to fertility treatments to get pregnant all those years later, or that she is the one more likely to raise those children to adulthood since Albert II is 20 years older than her!

The billionaire Albert II, besides being long known as one of the world's most dedicated Players,  is one of the busiest men on this earth, keeping a relentless schedule, and is now a major contributor to oceanic science as his grandfather once was.

It is also not lost on me, however, that Charlene was surely Albert's mistress before she was his fiancée or wife, similar to Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, who put a lot of mistress time in before her marriage to Prince William, the Duke; both women were available for travel and not known for developing careers during their extremely long courtships and never mind if their love interest was unmarried.

There is a tradition of having Mistresses in the Grimaldi family and, as you may have heard, there is speculation that the reason so many Grimaldi's have had unconventional or unusual marriages is because of something called "The Grimaldi Curse."  That Curse may be the real reason Albert II waited to near senior citizen-hood to wed!

The origins of this Curse are said to have been as far back as in the 13th Century when their tricky ancestor managed to take the territory for his family, a territory which was once something like 20 times bigger than it is today.   He pretended to be a monk but had a sword under his cloak.  It all happened on that huge rock where the Palace is now.  Various stories have emerged as to the origins of the bad luck in marriage that the Grimaldi's have had such as that a witch was raped by a Grimaldi ancestor. The Curse may also extend to unusual ways to die, such as boating (Princess Caroline's second husband) and car accidents (Princess Grace).

In this month's featured book, THE FRENCH RIVIERA - A Cultural History, by Julian Hale, we learn that ownership of the territory of Monaco was not always a sure thing for the family, that at points they were near impoverished,  that there have been a number of issues with succession that included a Norman man who married into the family changing his name to Grimaldi, and well, that they indeed have had a terrible time with marriage.  It's the best book that included the history of the family that I've read.

Fast forward to the 20th and 21st century.  Why does the current younger generation of Grimaldi's have such extremely long engagements before marriage and even bear illegitimate children? 

Princess Caroline, the oldest daughter of Ranier III and Grace Kelly, has been married thrice: an early marriage with a much older Player which was - eventually - annulled, the marriage to Stephano Casiraghi that she had three children in, which ended when her husband was killed in a boating accident, and a third later in life marriage with a Prince she "stole" from a friend and had a child with.  (The whereabouts of Ernst August are always a mystery.  He does not appear to have been anywhere near Monaco in years and is speculated to most likely be keeping a mistress somewhere, maybe Thailand?  As I understand it his name is not spoken in Monaco.)

Princess Stephanie has three children, and a history of many generally very unstable relationships, including a marriage to the father of two of her children which her own father disapproved of that ended in disgrace when he was caught cheating.  She says she may be a Princess but first of all she is human.  Ok, we can relate.

The children of Caroline and her second husband, the late Italian businessman Stefano Casiraghi are Andre, Pierre, and Charlotte.

Andre, the heir apparent, until Charlene had her babies, was with his girlfriend Tatianna Santo Domingo for years - a decade? - before they married, and then only after they had a child.  His brother Pierre, has been with Beatrice Borromeo for years.  (They are reportedly to wed in April 2015.)  They've been in no rush. Charlotte, has had a love child with comedian and actor Gad Elmaleh.  He's Jewish.  The child was baptized.  

Are all these delays and extreme engagements an attempt to beat the Curse?

That's my guess. 

After all, you love who you love, and after years with someone you kind of know that you get along!

To be more pragmatic, I imagine that two very rich young people might need their lawyers to figure out their finances and possibly contracts regarding divorce for years past when one has a baby. 

But you must remember, this family is Catholic.  That's right.  Charlene converted to Catholicism, met the Pope, and is said to have even prayed to saints in order to become pregnant.  Catholics are supposed to be more conservative, faithful in marriage, and do marriage before having babies.

One of the ways that various Grimaldi have held on to marriages or circumvented the displeasures of the marriages they made was to have mistresses.

In 1869 Albert I, who would succeed his father Charles III in 1889 and might be considered one of Monaco's first Playboy Princes, married Marie-Victoire de Douglas - Hamilton, but he took a mistress.  Marie-Victoire then fell for a Hungarian Count and (pages 46-47 of the book) after a "bitter and almost bankrupting divorce, the marriage was annulled."  Then Albert I married his mistress, the former American Alice Heine, who was not only American but from a German-Jewish background, and was formerly also still known as the widowed Duchess de Richelieu.  She played the part Princess Grace would play decades later in being a kind of First Lady of Monaco. Alice then had an affair with a British composer while Albert I was off one of his scientific oceanographic trips.  She still held her title and her marriage when she died in 1925.

(February 10, 1858 - December 22, 1925)
This picture of Alice is from

So Louis II, the son of Albert and Marie-Victoire, had a daughter named Princess Charlotte, and she married Prince Pierre de Polignac.  (Are the family given names sounding familiar?) and they had Prince Ranier III in 1923, the man who would marry Grace Kelly, the Hollywood actress from a well to do Philadelphia family and mother of today's Albert, Caroline, and Stephanie.  Ranier III's upbringing was in a dysfunctional family.  (Page 50)  Ranier III had to face the problem of not having an heir by 1949, five years after having been formally made heir to the throne in 1944 at the young age of twenty-one.  He had a long-standing relationship with a French film star for six years, named Gisele Pascal.

(17 September 1921 - 2 February 2007)
This picture of Gisele Marie Madeleine Tallone AKA Gisele Pascal is from
Maybe few Americans have heard of her because she wasn't a Hollywood actress.
Supposedly this mistress of Ranier III, an actress of less fame than Grace Kelly, was rejected because she was infertile.  Gisele was the daughter of a flower seller from nearby Nice, a humble background.   She and Ranier III shared a villa at Beaulieu, she kept up with her career, and he with his - as a ceremonial figurehead.  Funny how after they split, she married, and had a child.

Ranier III also came to the throne having to face that his father had left half his - or Monaco's - fortune to his latest mistress.  He fought to get it back. 

Though he clearly mourned Grace Kelly, his wife and mother of his children, it is said that Rainier III also kept at least one mistress during his marriage.  It is said that he would claim to be going to a sporting event, have a retainer go to the event and report back to him so he could report back to Grace, and go off to visit his mistress.

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