DUEX

 

HOW TO AVOID STARTING UP WITH A MARRIED MAN (IF IT'S NOT TOO LATE!) ON-LINE MATCH UP?

I'm asked how a woman can tell if a man is married or not. If he's your co-worker, your boss, your neighbor, your family friend, or that man at church, you already know he's married. That's different. This is for those who is interested in someone who is not in their daily life.

The person might be available... or might not be. Perhaps this is someone who has not yet admitted they are married or living with someone. Or the person may have a domestic partner or be in a steady 'committed' relationship with someone but not living together. If you want to avoid getting involved with someone who is not actually single, unmarried, and available, you might be able to end it before it starts ...

Be aware:

I like the idea of a dating calendar, diary, or journal. For instance you might write in when and how you met, when that person calls you, the time of day or night, and the nature of the phone call. (Is it to ask you out, talk problems?) When they ask you out and for when. (A week in advance? Last minute? Saturday night? Wednesday night? Sunday afternoon?) And other details. (The caution on this is that if you're crazy about that person you might make seeing them around once in a while into something bigger than it is...)

On-line?

When you meet someone through an on-line match up, and begin your communications with e-mailing and texting, a person who is involved elsewhere may be able to keep their secret for some time, such as until after you're hooked. Some wait until after you've had sex and/or fallen in love. I do think that can be deliberate. Such a person may be manipulating you, controlling you, and trying to rob you of making an intelligent choice.

That said, until you have a discussion, an agreement, a negotiation, with someone to be a partner, until you know the terms and conditions, it's best to assume that they are "dating" or "seeing" others and you have every right to as well. So how do you feel about having sex with someone you know little about? Does he presume you won't mind sharing him with one or more other lovers?

It's my observation that women seem to think they are in an exclusive relationship when they're having sex with a man, a presumption, and are hurt when that turns out not to be true. Having the negotiation means that he won't be able to try and get out of being responsible by saying something like "Well, you didn't ask."  

You don't have to be religious or moralistic to be pragmatic. Life is difficult for most women, more difficult than it is for most men; I do think so. The role parents used to take in choosing a husband for their daughters now has to be taken by you yourself.  You must be the one choosing a partner - if you want one.  As I see it the pressure to partner in this world is extreme to the point where many people feel they should be with someone- anyone - or stay with someone-anyone - when the connection is not good, even abusive. Some people think it's better to be partnered socially, even better to be divorced than single. 

Avoid hook ups, texting - sexting, and 'friends with benefits.' Seriously question any social networking you do; put the settings on private and only invite your family and closest friends.  Spend the time going places where you can meet people in person and where people are going to meet people.

If you're involved in on-line meet ups or dating, don't spend a lot of time in e-mailing or texting conversations, or have long phone conversations that take the place of dates before or instead of meeting in person. Don't send photos or give accounts of your activities to prove you have fun, are busy, or have a lot of friends. Do not keep posting your every move. Have you no mystery?

I've met one too many women who indulge in what is a fantasy relationship and who never hear from a man again after finally meeting him in person. I hate this, but it's usually because the man is meeting a lot of women hoping he will be immediately very physically attracted to someone. Perhaps he thinks if he experiences a tremendous zing first, then he will get to know the woman. He might be a sex addict even if he isn't actually having sex. He may use porn. He may be homosexual but hoping a particular woman will prove otherwise because he finally feels the zing. It is possible to slowly and surely fall in love with another person by spending time with them, by having a friendship first, but those men looking for the zing rarely allows this to happen.

Or he may be the type who sees women as 'arm-candy' and wants other men to admire him or elevate his status with a woman, even if he doesn't have special interest in her as a human being. He can be someone who thinks that he deserves or needs a woman who is much more beautiful than he is handsome. These days some men feel they deserve not only beauty but also that their woman be educated and have high-paying careers. This can be all about his narcissism and need to impress other men.

He can be a meet-up addict. The high of the experience being that he succeeded in getting a woman interested enough to meet him and the low of the experience being that she's not exciting enough (by his way of thinking) after all. Or that he keeps going after women who reject him.

Or he may enjoy having fantasy relationships himself and have these e-mail or sexting or texting conversations going with a number of women at the same time and never get around to meeting any one. Hey, it may be the time of his life, but is it also yours?

So, when you limit how much time and patience you have with all this electronic busyness, it's a positive. You meet, you can take it slow, and if he's just into it to seduce you and abandon you, he won't spend the time to get to know you in person.

Time off for social life is limited for most people. So consider how much time the person is spending with you in person. Remember that a person in another relationship can more easily e-mail or text you than see you in person. (Maybe he takes his phone into the bathroom or when he's out walking their dog? Or only calls you from work at lunch time? Maybe he composes an e-mail when he has the time and then schedules it to send another?)

If your intent is to meet someone to date and to eventually partner with, all the energy and effort on your part consumed with these interactions, which may raise your hopes or basically wear you down with rejection, will prevent you from focusing on you goal of partnering with someone who is actively interested and available. So, after a few messages, a time and place to meet in person is all there is left to discuss. Let the e-conversation go. And if it turns into dating, be aware if it's mostly keeping in touch electronically. Stop that.

And by the way, I do realize my advice can apply to people of all genders and sexualities, but I'm coming from a heterosexual perspective and from learning vicariously as well. I do think there is something to vibes as well as chemistry and love at first sight.

Is there an exception to the advice I've given above? There is. If he is in a commitment but his partner is long distance, he has the time to see you in person and take the relationship forward, until she comes back to visit or moves back or he is summoned there.

Missy

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A TOAST TO US

 

HER VOICE "EXTOLS MAXIMS AS FORMAL AS THE BANDERILLAS OF A BULLFIGHT

Mitzah Bricard first came to fashion designer Christian Dior with her expertise in hats, Dior explains that he examine's each dress as it is modeled before a show.

..."Fashion is above all a question of line; from the shoes to the hat the silhouette must be viewed as a whole.

That is why Mme Bricard and I now pore over the choice of the hat, whose shape has only vaguely suggested in the sketch.  The particular shape and size which will suit the 'line' of the dresses has to be decided.  Before me is a huge heap of assorted shapes which are to the hats what the toiles are to the dresses. As in the case of the models, the details will come later. At first, all that is necessary is that the hat should suit both the mannequin and the dress for which it is to be the complement. Sometimes the problem seems insoluble.  Twenty solutions are tried without success; sometimes in desperation one abandons the fruitless search among the existing shapes in order to create a hat which will suit the dress and the face, out of one's own head."

However, we should not think of her as isolated from the whole process of design to fashion show.

... "And he asks Mmm Bricard*, who is sitting beside him:

'What is that little thing that you've got in your hand? Yes. that.  Give it to me.'

'You can't do that,' she exclaims.

'Oh yes I can.'

The object now adorns the hat.  Perhaps the gloves are tried and retried over and over again, or the umbrella, which are put up, put down, put up again. Finally they are abandoned in favor of a muff. The voice of Mme Bricard extols maxims as formal as the banderillas of a bullfight. ..." (page 98)

*her surname is spelled Bricart throughout Dior's autobiography, but I will keep it as Bricard. Just as there are various spellings of her given name

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TALK

 

MITZAH INSPIRED SCARVES and FRAGRANCE FROM DIOR

When I scan the Internet for Mitzah and Dior, up comes scarves that sell for a two hundred and fifty U.S. dollars.  These scarves have names such as Toilie de Jouy Sauvage and La Roue de la Fortune Tarot.

Here is a link to one of them DIOR FASHION - MITZAH FASHION SCARF  Here it is mentioned that Christian Dior had a fascination with astrology.

Learning that Mitzah had also come up with the name of his perfume Miss Dior (which was created to honor Dior's sister, and that in keeping with her influence on the designer, a perfume had been invented called Mitza as recently as 2010, I found this exciting review by Chant Wagner:

MIMI FROU FROU COM : CHANT WAGNER's REVIEW OF DIOR's MITZAH PERFUME  from 2017

Excerpt of review: Mitzah eau de parfum by Christian Dior was introduced in 2010 as part of the then debuting Collection Courturier Parfumeur (rebnamed La Collection Privee today), as a homage to Christian Dior's muse, Mizza Bricard.  She was a former stylist at the British fashion house of Molyneux in the 1930's, a milliner by specialty and an all-around style icon.....  Dior stressed that she was one of those rare beings, whose sole purpose in life was the quest of elegance...

Mitzah was reputed for her mysterious exotic aura - which she cultivated - her over-the-top personality and her ability to hold her ground. The latter was precisely the reason why Christian Dior asked her to join his house. He saw her as the healthy and necessary counterweight to what he saw as his overly reasonable Normand temperament. He knew she would not just agree but disagree with him, shout her disapproval at him whenever she saw it fit, thus contributing to an excellent creative dynamic in his workshop.  He wrote that he had hired her because she would embody his favorite motto "I maintain."....

(Do read the article. It's fascinating.)

So how was this woman's personality and temperament expressed in a perfume?  Chant Wagner must be a nose!

Partial description of the perfume: The composition opens on a richly resinous accord with an original counterpoint of coriander, but also a powdery accord which soon becomes more intense. The fragrance composition seems to eschew the convention of opening on bright, sparkling notes - and to aim directly for a sensation of bade, deep notes.

There is something dark and feral about the scent which may be an allusion to Mme Bricard's predilection for wearing leopard fur and print. The impression is musky, slightly sweet, burnt, a bit caramel-y, a bit dry - and overall, jungley....

C 2022 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

DARLING YOU DANCE DIVINE

 

THE DEMANDING MME. BRICARD IS WITH DIOR FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE FASHION HOUSE : HER EXPERTISE IS HATS

This autobiography proves to me once again that the creative are rarely only good at one thing for it's an exciting read, conveying the back-room, of a couture house, the models and the fashion show, the creativity and the business that was Christian Dior's House of Dior.

Our subject for this month, Mitzah Bricard, was on the team for all of it:

Why Christian Dior had Mitzah Bricard join his design team.

... "Mme Bricard, who had helped Molyneau with his collection to great effect.  We had become great friends... In August she allows herself to spend a month at a fashionable watering-place in order that she may be seen in the square of the casino, but on the whole her love of the country and nature does not go further than the flowers with which she decorates her hats and her dresses.  Her high standards are inflexible; in fashion she aims immediately for the most marked expression of that indefinable, and perhaps slightly neglected thing called chic. (page 12-13)

At the birth of the House of Dior, Christian Dior reports that Madame Bricard was there.  Using a 'cubbyhole' of the workshop to show his first independent collection:  

"At 10:30, with the salons full to bursting, the first mannequin showed the first dress.  Marie-Therese, half dead with fright, stumbled at her first appearance, collapsed in tears, and was henceforth incapable of showing a dress.  Very soon, the entry of each model was accompanied by gusts of applause.  I stuffed my ears, terrified of feeling confident too soon; but a series of short bulletins from the field of battle confirmed to me that my star mannequin, the troops - led, flags flying, but my star mannequin, the inimitable Tania - had triumphed.

Now the last dress had been shown, amid a tumult of enthusiasm, and Mme Marguerite, Mme. Bricard, and I stood gazing at each other in the dressing room.  We were none of us able to speak,  Then Raymonde came to look for us, crying with joy, in order to propel us into the big salon, where we were greeted by a salvo of applause.  As long as I live, whatever triumphs I win, nothing will ever exceed my feelings at that supreme moment." (page 17 paperback)

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ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU