SHOULD YOU OUT YOUR EX ON THE INTERNET? WILL IT FEEL GOOD?

A friend of mine, Lorna, is furious with a man she was seeing, because he cheated on her.  She's in pain and not in a philosophical mode. 
She pointed out to me that there are a number of opportunities to "out" a bad man on the internet.  She gave me a list that includes LemonDate.com, The Dick List, Cheater News, and DontDateHimGirl.

I said "Don't do it!"

I actually don't think it's a very good idea to out anyone on the Internet.  Ultimately it will only feel good for a short while.  It's not therapy.  And it's actually not fair because Internet is the world, not just your town.  You may think that you're warning other women away, and you can certainly do that among your friends and local social group, who maybe should have warned YOU in the first place.  But you are also putting your personal business out there too.  Lorna if she does this, may come off to some people as a woman who is so pro-women that she doesn't want anyone to get involved with her ex, but is also advertising herself as the kind of woman who goes out with losers and cheats. I hate to say it, but losers and cheats seem to know one another.
Who is to be believed?

Anyone who has been the victim of mean spirited gossip knows that sometimes people lie, or at least exaggerate.  For instance, a typical mean thing that some men do is claim to others that they "had" you, when they didn't, not even close.  These men are not well in the mind but they manage to stop other men from asking you out. 

I'm not sure I understand Internet dating or clubs.  I think you should go out there and meet people in person.

When the Yahoo scandal broke - years after it should have - I got notifications on my Yahoo accounts, much older than my Google accounts, that I had reason to worry.  One account was deluged with dating clubs which appeared to be of Chinese origin.  Another account, I learned someone had signed me up for Vietnamese girls, cute, sexy, and looking for American men, and marriage. (OK, maybe they thought I needed to include these girls on my blog as mistresses?)  I feel sorry for girls who have to offer themselves this way.  As for the Chinese dating clubs, they sure weren't going to get a date with me first of all since I'm all the way in the United States but also, I'm not looking! 

There is another reason why I don't advise you out someone as a "cheat."

When I was growing up almost every adult I knew was partnered.  I didn't even think of certain relatives of mine as individuals.  How you went from being a barely pubescent kid to one of those adults who was partnered was mysterious, this thing called love.  Every year I got older and realized how much more complicated life really is.  There are a lot of assumptions about partnering, such as that if it's "True Love," then the partners are never tempted or explorative.  Whatever satisfied them when they first got together will satisfy them for life - or even eternity!  In truth, long term couples go through a lot of changes in their relationships through the years.  We are amazed at the couple that make it fifty years without ever finding someone outside their marriage of interest.

When you are not even married, these days there are so very many kinds of relationships to (hopefully) choose, that I'm not sure the way things were supposed to work is how they do!
Does virginity count?  Yes, to far fewer than it used to.  Is a first marriage simply a "starter marriage," and a divorce a rite of passage?  What about all the people who prefer not to be monogamous or who are, but one person at a time?

If you feel very strongly that you not be "cheated" upon at this time in your life, you must talk to your potential partner, and say that, and you must agree to be in the relationship where that is not allowed or split up!  Lorna is a beautiful woman but one who gives her heart without knowing if she's being given one back.  She had no agreement to be with Larry exclusively and he knew that and did what he did.

All names changed.

C 2017 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved.

WOMEN IN NAZI GERMANY - WHAT REALLY WAS THEIR ROLE?

HOWLINGPIXEL.COM - WOMEN IN NAZI GERMANY

Picture from the HowlingPixel site.

If interested in EVA BRAUN, the Mistress of ADOLF HITLER, search for her using the imbedded search block on the side bar.  She was the Mistress of the Month here in June 2010.  Perhaps the best known Nazi Mistress, Eva also seemed to me to be a woman who tried to embody Nazi ideals of womenhood by being athletic.  However, as HowlingPixel does at this linked site, the average woman was expected to be an ideal wife and mother, and submissive to the Nazi ideals.  Thought I'd post this link because there are a great number of photos and a fairly extensive study of the Nazi cultural phenomena.

RIGHTEOUS GENTILE OSKAR SCHINDLER's MISTRESSES : AURELIE SCHLEGEL, EVA "MARTA" KISZA, and GISELLA SCHEIN

OSKAR SCHINDLER

The Untold Account of His Life, Wartime Activities,

and the True Story Behind the List

by David M. Crowe

Westview Press - A member of Perseus Books Group

(The primary reference for this month's subject)

 

That list of women's names up there on the title needs an explanation. 

 

OSKAR SCHINDLER, the man who is credited with saving about 1100* Jews from certain death during the Holocaust, by having them work for him at his factory and insisting they move with him to another, the subject of a film called "Schindler's List," often called director Steven Spielberg's Opus, was a womanizer.  He never took his marriage vows to Emilie Pelzl seriously.  (I don't think most men who have a Mistress are also having one-nighters, flings, quickies, affairs, or are as insensitive to their wives as this man!)  He had a whole lot going on at all times. Oskar Schindler was complicated.  He was possibly addicted to risk.  He somehow made the time for several Mistresses, women with whom he had long relationships with, and his wife, whose book I will include this month, knew it all along. 

 

EMELIE PELZL was 20 and Oskar was a little younger when they met and were married quickly, her farm family more prosperous than his, but both households effected by the terminal illnesses of a parent. Other than attraction and the innocence of youth, it's difficult to know what was behind the marriage really, perhaps pragmatism.  Oskar's father was alcoholic and so was he, a lifelong ailment. I have to wonder if he was self medicating a mental illness. As a new husband, Oskar used most of Emilie's dowry to buy an exotic car manufactured originally for the Shah of Iran, without consideration for her, a car that would be the one they escaped from their factory in when the War, World War II, was over.  

 

From the very beginning of their marriage, and for the rest of their lives, Oskar Schindler had the pattern of a charming sociopath, apparently sexually gifted and attractive, a "Whatever it takes," and "Where's the money?," kind of man who changed his side to the side that was winning more than once.  This is important because there is controversy over if he should have been judged to be a Righteous Gentile (1962 in Israel), ultimately selfless, or not.  Officially, he is, as there were many survivors who spoke up for him.  I do believe it's possible that the atrocities that he witnesses created a profound change in him.  Yet when it came to women, his was a never-ending series of adventures and misadventures.

 

These last few sentences are my opinion, my take, on this perplexing man, rooted in this book, and the author, David M. Crowe, researched extensively, and was eager to let us readers know how the truth and the film varied. In fact, the film did what it was meant to do, got much right, and took artistic license as screen writers and film directors and movie studios almost always do.  I've personally watched it a half a dozen times.  In fact, it was watching the film again, and seeing the scenes in which Oskar Schindler, and his associate, the certifiably evil Amon Goth, who headed the Plaszow Forced Labor Camp, where he indulged himself in daily indiscriminate killing, interplay and have their mistresses, that inspired this month's topic.

 

I wanted to know "Who were those Mistresses?  We're they all really spies? How involved in the murder of Jews and other people taken prisoner were they? Is this another story about powerless women who are trapped in the role society expects of them?"  And so I began to read around the subject, many articles on the internet, as well as some book recommendations.  I'll include the Mistress of Amon Goth, Ruth Irene Kalder, in this month's reading.  Additionally, there are a couple women whose names would not fit on the title bar above who Oskar Schindler is known to have had as girlfriends and Mistresses.. 

 

*************

In somewhat of a chronological order here are the MISTRESSES of Oskar Schindler that we know about and a little background for each:

 

Oskar and his wife Emilie met in the fall of 1927 and married March 6, 1928.  At the time he was a traveling salesman. They moved in with his parents and younger sister where Emilie was overburdened with family care while he was gone for business. In 1928 Oskar was racing motorcycles. Emilie would spend her life being the dependable, responsible, hard working, and stable one.

  

*************

 

AURELIE SCHLEGEL : After Oskar Schindler married, he went back with a teenage love, Aurelie, a local girl in Czechoslovakia, who he proceeded to have two children with, a boy and a girl.  The boy, named Oskar Junior, may have ended up a mentally ill street person.  It does not seem as if Schindler took any responsibility for the children. This second family and the use of her dowry to buy the expensive car was not enough for the young newly married Emilie to leave him.

Oskar's many jobs included running a driving school. Then spent 18 months in the Czechoslovak army, went back to the sales job he had when he first met his wife, and during 1931-1932 was arrested for public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, assault, and other misdemeanor charges several times. 

 

In 1938, now about 30 years old and just out of prison, Schindler applied to be a member of the Nazi Party. He was accepted as a provisional member February 2, 1939. They overlooked his character and arrests apparently, though he told the truth about having been. He had to prove he had no Jewish blood and that Emilie was not of Jewish blood. From this point his paid work and party affiliation seem to be intertwined. It is thought that Oskar Shindler's assignments lead to the Nazi invasion of Poland in September of 1939.

 

*************

 

1939 - Oskar and Emilie moved to Moravska Ostrava but he kept a separate apartment. Emilie lived in their house from 1939-1941 and then joined him in Krakow.

 

IRENA DVORZAKOWA lived in the separate apartment, which Oskar paid for, though she did work for a steel manufacturing company.  April 1945 was the last he came there, probably the end of their relationship, but she did not move out until late 1945 or early 1946.

 

During this period of time, it's possible that Oskar was a spy.  (In my opinion he could have been a double agent, maybe even a triple agent.) 

 

 **************

 

 

EWA "MARTA" KISZA  (aka EVA KISCH and later EVA KISCH SCHEUER)  Eva is the person depicted in the scene in Shindler's list in which she and Oscar are on horseback and from Lasota Hill and see the liquidation of the Krakow ghetto.  The scene is fiction, but the history happened and it's believed that it was about this time that Oskar realized that the Nazis were committing genocide, that this wasn't just a typical war.  It's possible he believed as most people did that the Jews were being taken to work camps, not systematically murdered.

 

Ewa , the Polish form of Eva, was a Czech from Silesia, an area that had been taken over by Poland in 1939 ( Pg 121)  She lost her job as a teacher and then made her living smuggling goods across the Polish - Czech border. Though she was engaged to be married, in about 1943, she became Oscar's Mistress.  The Polish authotires were suspicious of all the trips she and Oskar made.  She decided to flee to Czecholosvaliea with her fiancée, but the police shot him and killed him when they tried this escape.  She was put into prison in Lvov.  When she was released she went to live with Oskar.  Called "His Wartime Mistress," he set her up in a small shop selling the enamelware that he made such as kettles and bowls.

 

Called Marta, she was complicit in a maneuver in which Oskar took advantage of his Nazi Party affiliation and contacts and in October of 1939, he decided to take over the business of Shlomo Wiener, the owner of the largest kitchenware, ironware, and cutlery businesses in Poland, which he and his brother Julius ran. What Oskar did was premeditated.

 

He had the business signed over to him, returned the next day to tell them he was the Trustee of the business and Marta his representative.  He told Shlomo not to show his face, and had Julius teach him how to run the business.  He paid the two men a monthly salary a bit less than they had paid themselves, and showed up with Marta every day to talk the business with Julius.  (Julius would later call Marta "a soulless puppet, necessary only for official purposes" (Page 128)

Then, the day came in which the generally respectful Oskar, changed, and became verbally abusive and even physically abusive.  Julius was beaten severely by the Gestapo, and black and blue and bleeding, was afraid to leave his house. Soon Oskar cut the brothers off financially, and so they no longer had the means to live.  The Weiners later believed that Oskar helping Jews live in 1944 and 1945 was only to create an alibi for himself! (Page 126)

Marta went to parties with Oskar that Amon Goth threw, lavish parties where there was plenty of food and alcohol, with the death camp he ran down the hill.   (The scenes in the film "Schindler's List" don't begin to reveal his depravity, for which he was eventually tried as a war criminal and sentenced to hanging.


EVA "MARTA" and her brother, along with 7 Jewish workers hoping to find relatives in France or Switzerland, along with Oskar and his wife, escaped when the war ended from the factory, using the car he had bought from his wife's dowry years before, and a truck.  (Page 467)  On the road the women feared being raped by Russian soldiers.  Eventually the party separated.

 

 *********

GISELLA SCHEIN 

AKA GISA

Watch for the upcoming review of the book Where Light and Shadow Meet by Emilie Schindler, Oskar's wife, on the mistress- accommodating marriage.  Oskar took both his wife and Gisa out of the country. But did he take either of them back to Europe with him?







Overall, Oskar Schindler seems to have been out of control of his life in so many ways, I have to remind myself that it is possible that beneath all this personal chaos, he had a heart, and eventually a deeper understanding of his life and times.



C  2017 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved

ARE YOU SEXUALLY SATISFIED AS A KEPT PERSON? MISSY ASKS YOU!

It's commonly thought that the reason a person has an affair is because they are NOT, and that the reason a person gets Kept is because they satisfy...  But we're not all about stereotypes here, so I'm wondering... ARE YOU KEPT AND SEXUALLY SATISFIED?  Or is the time you see your loved one so limited that you are not?


Missy

SYLVIA - the film - AMIERA CASAR as ASSIA WEVILL

 Gwyneth Paltrow as poet Sylvia Plath, a bit mad and very driven to be a successful published poet.  Daniel Craig as the already known and esteemed poet Ted Hughes, Sylvia's husband, and Amiera Casar as Assia Wevill, this 2003 film focused on Sylvia and favored her a bit.


In the film, the Plath's and the Wevills become friends of sorts.  The Wevills come for dinner and Sylvia is acting a bit odd.  She's not in a hostess mood after all.  It doesn't help that Assia and Ted have a kiss in the kitchen.  The Wevills are asked to leave.  They pretend understanding the stress Sylvia is under, a poet and motherhood and Ted.


Is this really how the affair between Ted and Assia began?
Was Ted already on the way out of his marriage in his mind, finding being married to another poet, a demanding woman, too much to bear?
Was Sylvia's behavior too crazy for most men to deal with?


If you haven't seen this one, it's worth a watch.  Then you decide.

WRITING POETRY

EVEN MISTRESSES HAVE FAMILY CARE AND INHERITANCE ISSUES : OPINIION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Dear Missy

My parents are elderly.  My sister Hannah moved in with them a few years ago to be there so they won't have to go into an assisted living.  Basically, the house keeps appreciating and she's hoping to get the house when they die, so long as there is no liens against it for their care.

I work full time but I'm also Kept.  I kept it a secret but my sister saw me with Henry a few times and asked me who he is, and stupidly I told her our arrangement.  Henry's not rich and I live in an apartment which I pay the rent on.  Henry has helped me decorate and is there for me in any emergencies and has given me some generous gifts, not a monthly income or a retirement. My sister seems to think that I will never have to worry about my own old age financially.  I don't think that's true.  I think that when both of my parents have died, the house should be sold and we should split the money.  My sister points out that she gave up a lot of freedom to move in with them and thinks she is earning the house.

Any advice for me?

Terri in Toledo


ANSWER FROM MISSY

Hi Terri,

If your parents are cognitive, I think you should sit down and talk to them, as well as get some advice from an attorney, since I don't know the law in Toledo. If  Hannah is actually campaigning against you then she probably told them, "Hey Terri is a Kept Woman, she's got this Henry helping her."  So tell them you have a special man in your life, Henry, but you're not married to him and may never be, and that you think you will need some inheritance from them to support you in your old age.  Tell them you can't tap into his retirement or Social Security, that you work full time and what you expect to have to live on, emphasize your independence.  You're not a Classic Mistress.  You're a Modern one whose generous man provides extras, things if you had to you could live without.

You never know who will outlive who.

Missy

SYLVIA PLATH IN DEVON - A YEAR'S TURNING by ELIZABETH SIGMUND and GAIL CROWTHER

A short book with lots of reference books to its credit, SYLVIA PLATH IN DEVON, covers the last year of Sylvia Plath's life.  It's as well the personal memoir of author Elizabeth Sigmund, a friend and neighbor of  the poet. This is the year in which Plath's novel Ariel as well as many of her greatest poems were written. This literary work by Sylvia was about her life that year.

EXCERPTS:

(Pages 68 - 69)  

"There has been much written about the weekend visit of the Wevills in all of Plath's biographies.  It seems any attempt to try and accurately sum up this weekend relies on conjecture, gossip, and stories told long after the event.  Biographies explore the possibility that Assia Wevill travelled to Devon with the express purpose of seducing Ted Hughes, and that while she was there sexual tension between herself and Hughes was evident.  Other reports claim Plath picked up on this attraction and acted appallingly, insisting that the Wevills depart early.  Interestingly, one person who was present at the weekend, David Wevill (Assia's husband), has given his own account stating that he recalls a perfectly pleasant weekend, with Plath charming company and he and Assia departing on the day scheduled.  He did note Plath's nerviness and is quoted in 'Bitter Fame' as stating that often a look of terror would pass across her face as though she was having the most terrible thoughts.,  But he liked Plath and found her good company.  He did not detect anything amiss during the stay in Court Green.  

(Page 70)

"Two days after her visit, Assia Wevill mailed Plath a thank you letter which included a piece of tapestry complete with threat in response to Plath expressing a desire to take up needlepoint...

COMMENTARY BY MISSY

But Ted Hughes did in fact leave his wife and two children and perhaps when and where an affair with Assia began is unknown, but he did have an affair, and it would seem to be a serious one. I do not think that every woman who has an affair with a man should be called a Mistress, that the term is dramatically overused in the media, but I also continually seek to define the term. It's clear that Plath may have sensed something between her husband and Assia, even if a scene or scenes as depicted in the film staring Gwyneth Paltrow as Sylvia Plath, and apparently many other books dwell on the tense dinner.

EXCERPTS:

(Page 84)

"Returning to Court Green alone and unaware of her husbands whereabouts left Plath in a terrible state.

COMMENTARY: No kidding!  She's an American in a foreign country, married with two small children, one an infant, has no way to support herself and them, is not a feminist, her mother in America is a difficulty person and can't be relied on in that moment.

(Page 84)
At some stage between 19-20 September, Hughes pre-arranged telegram arrived. Whether Plath found out about his whereabouts in Spain at this time is unknown  but on one of these nights, she fled to the home of Winifred Davies in a highly distressed states.  What occurred during those hours is recounted in a letter from Davies to Aurelia Plath.  Plath, it seemed, had realized that Hughes had no intention of returning, and had therefore definably decided upon separation...

COMMENTARY:
This paragraph refers to the expose that Ted had preplanned a vacation trip with Assia to Spain and that he had friends cover for him by sending Sylvia this and that, as if he himself had walked to the mailbox.  Actually he was enjoying himself with Assia without apparent concern for Sylvia's emotional state.

(Page 75 - Covering the previous July before this late September realization.)

COMMENTARY
Plath used the imagery of a "circle a womb of marble" to assert that bareness was a theme that reoccurred in her work and personal letters. "The women that Ted Hughes became involved with are, according to Plath, all barren. This belief of Plath's is interesting and certainly Elizabeth Sigmund recalls that Plath was especially proud of being the bearer of Hughes's children. It was important to her that he was the father, and she felt certain that one of the women he subsequently became involved with in her lifetime intended to have children with him.  Given that Assia Wevill became pregnant just before Plath's death (and subsequently had an abortion), Sigmund believes that if Plath had known of this pregnancy it would have upset her greatly.

(Page 86)

October, London....  ..."Assia Wevill phoned Nathaniel Tarn to talk about her ten days in Spain with Hughes.  She explained how this secret meeting had been arranged as early as August.  Wevill also told Tarn how well she and Hughes worked together and that they were planning to write a film script.

(Page 88)
Ted Hughes arrived  back gome.  Assia Wevill had gone to Germany with her husband and so Hughes decided to leave London and return to Devon...

(Pages 88-89)  Ted Hughes left his marriage and Assia Wevill informed Tarn that she was to be named as co-respondent in the Plath-Hughes divorce.

COMMENTARY

The book states that Hughes and Hughes estate attempted to and did repeatedly aim to censor the truth about Sylvia Plath as well as the terms and conditions of her marriage to Ted Hughes, for the sake of their children perhaps, but more likely his own reputation.
This book looks at archival letters and other documents as well as memories of neighbor and friend Sigmund.  


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