NATIONAL DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE

NATIONAL DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE 

800-799-7233

I've run this number before and to honor Gabby Petito. the young woman who may have been murdered while in a relationship that included Domestic Violence, I'm running it again. 

You might also want to click on tabs below and see where else in this blog I've blogged about DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.  You might want to read about Bernie Tiedi, for instance. 

You can call this number out of concern for someone else as well and they promise the person you talk to will not be judgmental.

This blog stands for CHOICE which can sometimes be a Privilege. 

I think just about anyone can find themselves in a relationship that becomes abusive, sometimes from the start, sometimes over many years.  Not everyone who is in a relationship that has abuse in it realizes it right away.  Notions such as that abuse is always physical may prevent a person from realizing that they are in an abusive relationship.  Abuse can go both ways as well and is not always men abusing women. 

Sometimes something as simple as couple's counseling can make a big difference.  It may help to be in a therapist's office where both people can speak their truth. 

Sometimes a person may need to be clever in order to get out of an abusive situation. 

Covid shut downs put pressure on some relationships as has the overall economic situation in the United States and other countries.

Check in with yourself frequently and ask yourself how you feel about other people in your life.

Recently I've been watching YouTube videos about Narcissism. I've learned that several people who I had in my friendship circle through the years have this personality disorder.

If you grew up as an abused child, you may think abuse in an adult relationship is normal and not a problem.  

I'm often asked if Mistresses are all in relationships that are abusive.  My answer is no, not all. You do not have to be a person with a deficit in self esteem to be Kept or in a relationship that cannot move towards legal marriage.  Ideally everyone involved is honest with themselves and others so that adult decisions can be made. Marriage is not for everyone, nor is monogamy, and many people have more than one person to love at a time in their lives, though the pressure to conform to societal expectations can drive people to keep a secret of a relationship.  

Remember that it's common to idealize another person when in the first stage of a relationship. Eventually we must decide if we want to continue with a person who does not meet our expectations. How realistic are our expectations?  That answer may be very different based on a number of factors such as your age, employment and education, and history of relationships.

If you know or suspect your relationship is harming you in some way, try to get more information.

If you arrived at this site by cell phone or home computer, you may want to erase the history so that someone else who can have access to your phone or computer does not know you have this number. Write down the number and keep it elsewhere. I know phone booths are rare but there may be other places that you can make phone calls out without being tracked.

LOVING THE ONE YOU'RE WITH INCLUDES LOVING YOURSELF.

Missy

ONE MAN IN NINE IS SEVERELY and VIOLENTLY ABUSED BY A DOMESTIC PARTNER

NCADV a GRASSROOTS ADVOCACY FOR ABUSED PEOPLE

EXCERPT: One in Nine men experience severe intimate partner physical violent, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and /or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post traumatic stress disorder, use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases....

OK - the stats on this site are frightening.

Learn more by visiting it. 

MEN VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SEEK HELP TOO LATE

REUTERS : MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SEEK HELP TOO LATE

EXCERPT:  Along with fearing they wouldn't be believed or would be seen as weak, men often stayed in abusive relationships because they felt committed to or concerned about their partners.  In other cases, they were too depressed, despondent, or traumatized to gather the strength to leave. ... Furthermore, victims were often unaware that services for them existed.  And when they did know about interventions, they didn't believe the interventions were likely to be helpful.  Some of the findings suggest that separate services are needed for men.  Portraying domestic violence services as a space for women survivors can be a barrier to help-seeking by men, the authors point out. 


***

Missy here.
I wonder how many men who are abused by their wives or girlfriends respond to it by seeking a romance elsewhere. 

ANGEL FLIGHT WEST : VOLUNTEER PILOTS FLY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVORS TO RELOCATION DESTINATION FREE

ANGEL FLIGHT WEST  Volunteer pilots and their support network arrange free relocation flights for domestic violence survivors across the3 twelve Western States. (They also fly medical transport missions, assist military personnel, work to move blood, organ, and tissue donations to the right spots, and fly transplant recipients...

A phone number is 888 426-2643

A SECRETIVE BERNIE TIEDI : SEXUAL ABUSE AS A CHILD - PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE BY THE WOMAN HE MURDERED

 TEXAS MONTHLY : BERNIE TIEDI NOW (2016) by Skip Hollensworth  "BERNIE IN HELL"

In this article, circa 2016, in Texas Monthly, writer Skip Hollensworth displays his conflicting thoughts and feelings about Bernie Tiedi.  I'm excerpting the points I think are most important.  Missy

... Tiedi quickly confessed, stating that he had initially enjoyed being around Nugent until she became "very hateful, " very possessive over my life" and "evil and wicked."  He admitted that he had been fantasizing about hitting her over the head with a bat but had ended up shooting her because he "didn't want her to suffer."

... Toward the end of the trial, he testified that he had loved Nugent even though life with her had been like "being in prison to some degree. . . being smothered"  He said that he'd never actually planned to kill her, despite what he'd said in his confession, and that when he'd done so, he'd felt as if he had watched himself pickup a gun and start firing.

... During her investigation, Cole discovered that among the items police had taken from Tiede's house after his arrest were four books on childhood sexual abuse.  She went to see Tiedi, and he eventually - and reluctantly - told her that he had endured years of molestation as a boy at the hands of an uncle, information that he had never revealed to his original lawyer.

... Cole asked a prominent Houston forensic psychiatrist named Richard Pesikoff to interview Tiede.  Based on their conversation, Pesikoff issued a report concluding that Tiede's "ability to repress and compartmentalize the abusive events from childhood and adolescence was ultimately overwhelmed by the repeated and extensive psychological abuse he suffered from Ms. Nugent."

SCALES OF AMERICAN JUSTICE

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE CYCLE OF DOMESTIC ABUSE IS?

HOPE AND SAFETY ORG : LEARN ABOUT THE CYCLE OF ABUSE and DOMESTIC VIOLENCE  There are many sites on the internet that have explanations but this one seems to have gone a bit further. Please explore this site.

EXCERPT:  By 1983, women working in the Anti-violence Movement realized the Tension Building /Explosion model was flawed.  Abusers do not harm their intimate partners because of tension and stress.  As Humans, each of us feels stress and tension in our lives and yet, we do not make the choice to abuse someone else.  If it were a matter of tension the abusive person would be unable to control his behavior and would batter whoever was causing the stress (ie. the boss who yells at him or police officers who pull him over, etc.) Also abusers would not be able to control where their punches landed.  Many abusers "Target Punch" their partners - specifically targeting areas where the bruises and marks are less likely to be seen - the beck, back upper torso, and lets.

*** It is not up to the woman to make the relationship work.  Blaming the victim - that she isn't quiet enough or doesn't keep the house clean enough - for instance - can be an excuse for an abuser to let loose on her.