DEFINING MISTRESS : THE LANGUAGE IN MAC GRISWOLD's BOOK ON THE LIFE OF BUNNY MELLON : OPINION BY MISSY

In the fabulous book on the life of Bunny Mellon, which has been the primary reference for this months' posts, I'll Build A Stairway to Paradise, author Mac Griswold uses the term AFFAIR for Dorcas Hardin's many years as Paul Mellon's mistress. Paul Mellon died in 1999 and their relationship started in 1959 or 1960 so as they say, do the math, and that's forty years! Mellon's wife Bunny shared him with Dorcas, even if they attempted to keep the relationships separate.  If there is one objection I have to the book it is the use of that term AFFAIR, which I think trivializes the importance of this relationship to Paul and Dorcas, and of course its effects on Bunny.

Affair is a term that can be used to describe a one-time sexual experience, a brief interlude between two people, or a years long relationship, I realize. Unfortunately, we see the term Mistress used to describe a woman who has had an affair though there was nothing Mistressing about it.

Defining Mistress, understanding the range of relationships that can be defined by the word, which has often been used in the S and M community to describe a dominatrix, is part of the problem. And of course, we understand that most of the relationships in which we might use the term Mistress are between heterosexual men and women, though no doubt homosexual people also have these relationships. Further blurring definition is that so many people today live together without marriage or have alternative relationships that may include others.  We have to take adultery out of the equation as we know that some people Keep people though neither is married or in a committed relationship. We also don't know that it's always a rich person with a poor one, or that there's a financial aspect to the relationship.

Think about this and let me know what you think!

Missy

PAUL MELLON and the NATIONAL GALLERY OF ART

NPR _ THE NATIONAL GALLERY OF ART and THE MELLONS 

Excerpt: Because Mr. Paul Mellon brought Titians and Leonardos and Manets and Cezannes and Boticellis and on and on into a handsome, pink marble building on the National Mall fo millions of Americans to enjoy - and why? - because Mr. Paul Mellon, shy, good-looking, gracious, and very, very rich, was a passionate believer in pleasure.

NATIONAL GALLERY OF ART

 

PAUL MELLON's FUNERAL and DORCAS HARDIN OBITUARY

Missy here:  When the man that a woman has been mistress to, especially when she has been so for many years or to the end of his life, dies, what is the 21st century etiquette?  Does she attend his funeral or not?  As we learned when in January 2020 I covered  Art Historian Anne Pingeot, the Mistress of French statesman and President Francois Maurice Mitterrand. who did attend his funeral, as perhaps the attitude in France is different than in the United States.  Or perhaps it was the attitude his wife had. 

Page 402:  Paul Mellon died on February 1, 1999, almost to the day his doctor had reportedly predicted. A week later, his gray and yellow American racing colors draped his coffin at Trinity Episcopal Church in Upperville. (His horse racing colors... Upperville, Virginia.) .... The church was jammed, and the internment was thronged with family, friends from near and far, local farmers, and staff.  Dignitaries and colleagues, all old friends from institutions Paul had generously supported, were also there.

Both of Dorcas' children were there at Bunny's request and were given seats up front.  From father back, I could see my schoolmate Diana Hardin's red hair.  I did not see  Dorcas Hardin in the church, but John Baskett later told me she had been invited and had, correctly, declined.

***

Dorcas's obituary has no mention of Paul Mellon...WASHINGTON POST - January 20 2006 DORCAS HARDIN


EXCERPT: "Known for her sunny personality and her sense of style, Mrs. Hardin was described in a 1949 Washington Post article as the "best dressmaker designer" in the city. In 1954, when it was difficult to come by designer clothing in Washington stores, she decided to open an exclusive dress shop that would cater to the city's prominent women.

Her small, tony boutique, called Dorcas Hardin, opened on Dumbarton Avenue in 1954. She carried clothing by designers Bill Blass, Oscar de la Renta, Ben Zuckerman, James Galanos and Pauline Trigere at a time when their creations were otherwise available only in New York."

***

As mentioned previously, Katharine Graham, the owner of the Washington Post, had threatened her reporters saying anyone who reported on the Paul Mellon - Dorcas Hardin affair.

Dorcas lived until 2006.  Rachael "Bunny" Lambert Mellon lived until 2014, She was one hundred and four years old!

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A note: Bunny outlived Dorcas

THE PRESS, SOCIETY, and KEEPING AN OPEN SECRET - DORCAS HARDIN and PAUL MELLON

Page 343  Like all of JFK's sexual affairs, Paul Mellon and Dorcas Hardin's arrangement was never covered by the press, although it seems that everyone in D.C. knew about it.  "Dorcas was fun!  Easy.  IT was a very open relationship," recalled Janet Bruce, David and Evangeline Bruce's daughter-in-law, who had been one of a party of four women, including Dorcas and Polly Wisner Fritchcie, who went on a shopping tour together in New York.  Jim, the Mellon's chauffeur, had driven them around.

Katherine Graham reportedly threatened her reporters to ensure a kind of official privacy for Paul's affair, saying, "If a single line appears in (the) paper about this, that reporter will be out of a job before the ink is dry on the page." Graham had publically acknowledged her friendship with Bunny only by noting its breach, calling her "mu then-friend Bunny Mellon" in print without saying what had happened.  Graham protected Paul and Dorcas, which thus in a sidelong sense protected Bunny as well...

Who were Bunny's real friends in D.C.?  Jackie Kennedy topped the list even before she became First Lady; after she moved to New York in 1964 she remained Bunny's closest confidante until her death thirty years later.  Evangeline Bruce was an ally and a closemouthed one.  Bunny did talk to her family and friends about Dorcas, but when she did so she cast the affair mostly as a tiresome joke...

***

A note that Katherine Graham was the owner of several publications but most noteworthy the Washington Post.

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ORB

 

THE DEATH OF O.J. SIMPSON BRINGS RENEWED INTEREST IN MY NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON POSTS

2015 in my archives:  November

NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON

Mistress of O.J.Simpson - Wife of O.J. and Most Famous Unsolved Murder Victim

A young, beautiful waitress when they met, he an older and famous and married man, the love story of Nicole and O.J. ended in tragedy when she was found murdered.

You may also be interested in:

2015 in my archives: October

October

PATRICIA SIKORA

Mistress of Lawyer Johnnie Cochran of O.J. Simpson Trial Fame

Or this opinion of mine:

KATO KAILEN

HE CAME TO LOS ANGELES TO BE AN ACTOR

HOW DID BUNNY MELLON COPE WITH HER HUSBAND's LONG INVOLVEMENT WITH MISTRESS DORCAS HARDIN?

Page 127  Bunny wanted each "romance" to go further, be deeper.  She wanted a flirtation, a frisson of sensuality, often heightened with the muskier tones of sexual flirtation.

***

Missy here : It's not known if Bunny ever had sex with anyone ever again after Paul exited the marriage for Dorcas.  These relationships are explained bu author Mac Griswold as...

Page 308  While Bunny was shielding herself with her "families," and platonic but romantic partners, Paul found plenty of room in his life for Dorcas Hardin.  The affair that had begun in 1959 or 1960 lasted until his death in 1999.  Due to Dorcas's deafness, Paul had to shout on the phone to make himself heard.  Like anyone else who knew Bunny, of course I had heard the gossip about those phone calls between lovers.

I had also heard some of those phone calls myself.  The airy, open floor plan of the Antigua house meant that even though Paul had a separate bedroom and office suite, hearing his side of some of his conversations with Dorcas was unavoidable..

Page 316  Until I understood how hard it was for Bunny to continually face down the knowledge of Paul's affair with Dorcas Hardin, I didn't understand how much she needed a place unconnected with him.  The residences on - and the differing atmospheres of - the farm, Antigua, Cape Cod, and New York were designed and executed not just for the pleasure of creating them to be just the way she wanted but also with Paul's collaboration to foster the "true, real, and simple happiness" of the life she wanted the two of them to share with guests and family.  Bunny, the chatelaine of houses but and perfectly maintained with Paul's money, was constantly the impresario.  Sometimes she wanted to get away from it all. She once said that Nantucket for her was a "Vacation from a vacation," meaning a place to escape from Cape Cod.

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