ENTWINED

 

NATALIE CLIFFORD BARNEY and RENEE VIVIAN : NATALIE WASN'T MONOGAMOUS, and VIVIAN ?

Though the relationship with Courtesan Liane de Pougy put an end to the rumors and outed Natalie Clifford Barney to the world, especially after Liane published a 'fiction' novel that faintly disguised herself, Natalie, and other characters, that was popular, perhaps the relationship that Natalie was most known for was with Renee Vivian.  This is because, though there were others, it was the most enduring.

Born plain old Pauline Mary Tarn in 1877, Rene was the daughter of an American woman and English man who settled in Paris. After her father's death, her mother sent her off to live in England and her mother lived beyond her means. When Vivian finally got her inheritance at 21, she moved back to Paris and rented a small apartment. As she did not keep a chaperone, she became a persona non gratis to society.  Even some Americans in Paris snubbed her and she no longer received invitations. Preferring to have a small group of friends was more her style anyway.

The two women were different enough to be considered an odd couple. What they had holding them together was first, that they met young and were contemporaries, the same generation and lesbian. Secondly, they both adored poetry and wrote it, especially French poetry, though their poetry also revealed their differences. Last but not least, the two women were part of the wave of feminism that came out of the Victorian era. It was a time in which most women did not go to college or have careers. It could be argued that the restrictions were worse for elite women than poor women. It helped that they shared a sense of humor.

Temperamentally the two women were opposites. Natalie was outgoing and loved the social scene and going places and travel while Renee so loathed engaging with others that she was capable of staying in her room reading and writing while a party was taking place in the other rooms. She was shy and introverted and no doubt experienced depression. Rene was also a drug addict and alcoholic who ruined her body. She mixed a drug called Chloral Hydrate, a hypnotic, with booze, and that started when she was in her teens.  It was a sleep medication and she overdosed at least once. So, her mother had tried to put her into a mental hospital.  

Renee was also in love with Natalie. She put her on a pedestal and wrote all her love poetry to Natalie, while Natalie's poetry was to or about the various women she had loved. Young, she published a book that was titled Quelques Portraits - Sonnets de Femmese.

Was Natalie in love with her?

There are many ways to love.

Natalie's nature was not so sensitive. It was said that while the free spirit had her feminist ideals and could be a great friend to those who she chose to have in her life, she was not especially concerned with the masses. She was a bit oblivious to how most people had to live. She left her exclusive boarding school, Les Ruches, in France as a teenager with a sense of entitlement and knowing she was part of the upper crust. She went through her debut without fuss, even though she had an aversion to marriage and would soon decide that it was not even her nature to be monogamous. She even flirted with men, and the suspicious and jealous Renee wondered about Natalie's relationships with men.  In America, though there was gossip, she also continued to participate in society functions.

One of the issues in their relationship was sex. Renee was disgusted by the idea of sex with men. Natalie's role was to be the pursuer, in today's way of thinking, she took the dominant role, the male role if it were a traditional heterosexual relationship. She had sought out many experiences and became a great lover, but Renee was, shall we say, indifferent. She was a challenge to Natalie because she was difficult to impossible to stir.  The challenge frustrated Natalie.  It also meant that Natalie could not be satisfied with Vivian in that way.  Would Natalie ever be able to settle down with just one person anyway?  She was considered a "conquering Amazon."

The Quelques Portraits - Sonnets de Femmese.book got reviewed in Town Topics, Natalie got called a Sappho, her father saw the article, and his rage had no end. He blamed her mother. While he bought out the publisher and tried to destroy any copies of the book, Natalie's mother wrote to her in great distress, telling her she had sinned against nature and the law. Yet, she did come to accept her daughter as lesbian. The Barney family had allowed Natalie and Renee to move in together in Paris, so long as chaperone was present.  They hired an older lesbian to be the chaperone.

While Renee was known to have other affairs, she and Natalie were never quite through with each other.  Believe it or not Renee did get around to having an affair with... Liane de Pougy!

When Renne commit suicide, it was thought that her love for Natalie, perhaps her obsession, was the reason for it. Natalie was asked to write about it when she was 83 years old, and though her emotions and thoughts may have been all over the place about Renee, from the distance of a life well lived into old age, she typified Renee as a weak person, sad and tragic, and that only enhanced her reputation as being a Lady Killer.

C 2022 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot

All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights

The primary reference for this book report post is Wild Heart by Suzanne Rodriguez.  My notes were taken especially from pages 191, 122-123.  It's a highly interesting book and I do hope you will read it!

NATALIE WITH FLOWING HAIR - A PORTRAIT BY ALICE PIKE BARNEY OF HER DAUGHTER

Mentioned in the book Wild Heart, I was elated to find the portrait her mother did of Natalie available on the Internet.  The link below will take you to other works by artist Alice Pike Barney.

Alice Pike Barney, Natalie with Flowing Hair, 1900, pencil and pastel on fiberboard, Smithsonian American Art Museum, Gift of Laura Dreyfus Barney and Natalie Clifford Barney in memory of their mother, Alice Pike Barney, 1951.

AMERICAN ART - SMITHSONIAN AMERICAN ART MUSEUM

A LONG EMAIL CONVERSATION THAT TURNS INTO GHOSTING? QUESTIONS FOR MISSY

QUESTION FROM READER

Missy,

I did meet, "Robert" on line and we started e-mailing. He lives in another country but has been in the United States a few times. We e-mailed frequently and have shared so much about our lives. This went on for a few years. The problem is that I have only seen one blurry picture of Robert and I only spoke to him on the phone one time. That was towards the end of our e-mailing. I didn't know if we had just taken the emailing friendship was far as it would go or if maybe seeing the picture of me (a decent one) made him realize he was not interested in me. There wasn't any context that was flirty or sexual, but I also didn't think a man would spend so much time e-mailing and not have a sincere interest in our friendship. It all stopped short of Zoom or other on line conversations.  He started responding with a few lines and then ghosted me.

I may have lost Robert but I was wondering if you have any ideas about how to conduct an e-mail friendship.

Judy

Baltimore

ANSWER FROM MISSY

Hi Judy,

I'm sorry to hear that your good friend Robert is no longer in your life. I suspect he has gotten himself in a serious romance with a local woman.  Maybe some day you will be surprised with an e-mail from him but you should probably think of him as gone.

I've been giving this subject a lot of thought lately because I too had a friendship that was all about e-mail with a woman who I met volunteering.  The e-mailing was during Covid.  She's an anti-vaxxer and now that restrictions are eased, she does not want to get together, not even to have lunch at a restaurant that has outside seating.  I like her and we have some things in common, but sometimes she would send messages that gave me a feeling she had not "heard" me. I sometimes spent an hour or more communicating through typing with her and admit that sometimes her messages kept me from feeling down. I'm getting busier and started feeling like I do not want to communicate with her so much by e-mail.

I don't know that it's any different - be it a man FRIEND or a woman FRIEND, but sometimes a friendship has it's reasons for a while but not a lifetime.

In general I think e-mail is better than long distance phone charges, but now that so many of us have unlimited cell phone long distance, I don't see a reason for e-mailing back and forth so much.  An in-person friendship is best, phone calls between in-person get-togethers. You can say more and all you have to in much less time with a phone call.  However, some people just like to write or feel they express themselves best in writing. Just like some people are satisfied with one long phone call a year to keep their friendship. Time zone differences and life circumstances may also make e-mail a better option, such as when a friend has young children to attend to but might be able to pick up and answer e-mails once they're asleep.

Your question edges into the question of men and women who meet on-line, sometimes who live at too great a distance to meet up in person and find out if they like each other or are comfortable with each other.  Sometimes when people do meet up they find themselves turned off or, though they considered it a platonic friendship, find themselves attracted to one another. I've heard of people who did all their dating by Zoom or the like, even men who sent for women to marry from other countries who dated this way.  I personally would not trust that.

In general I think that if a woman is actively seeking a man for reasons other than platonic friendship, and the connection is social media or on-line dating, she should not get caught up in an e-mail relationship with him. After a few back and forth, hello, how are you, tell me more about you communications, plan to meet for coffee or tea, spend an hour or so, and go home alone. I'm advising everyone to SLOW IT DOWN.

That is because by now I've heard of too many bad relationships that were entered into on a whim.

If a heterosexual man tells you about women he is dating or having a relationship with, clearly he has no interest in you as a special woman but sees you as one of the boys, so to speak. If he does not venture there he either has nothing much happening, wants to be private about it, or maybe has the idea that maybe, maybe one day he'll have interest in you.

Missy

C 2022 

MORNING GLORIES

NATALIE CLIFFORD BARNEY and THE COURTESAN LIANE DE POUGY WHO OUTED HER IN A PUBLISHED BOOK

Though as a very young woman circa 1898, Natalie Clifford Barney had already had sexual encounters with other women before this, it was a married model named Carmen Rossi who turned her into an "exquisite lover." She was inspired to become a 'poet of love' for there was something of the great romantic in her at the time and she wished to seduce a women's mind, body and soul. Carmen and Natalie went around Paris having a good time, attending both low and high entertainment, and one of the highs was witnessing and participating in the rides around the Bois de Boulogne, where the rich especially showed off their gorgeous carriages, horses, and wore the latest fashions. One day while Natalie was making the round herself with a male companion, she sighted Liane de Pougy in that procession and was immediately intrigued. Her friend told her Liane was "just a courtesan.'" She might not have known what that meant at the time and when she did understand she did not like the idea.

Around this time Natalie began to further define her sexuality and the role she would play in seductions. She embraced her lesbianism and also realized that she could not be faithful to just one woman, that she craved variety. She became a seductress and began to proposition women she found attractive, even approaching strangers. If the woman said no firmly, Natalie would let them alone. If the woman seemed a little hesitant to reject her, she would go into full-on pursuit mode, sending flowers and poetry, doing whatever she could to wear down that person's resistance. However, once she succeeded, she lost interest.

That was not the case with Liane de Pougy, who she pursued strategically, watching the procession daily until it appeared that the latest reported conquest had gone his way. Natalie disguised herself first by using the name Florance Temple Bradford so that she could remain a mystery. She sent flowers daily and little notes to intrigue the woman into meeting her. When finally, the day came to reveal herself and meet Liane in person, she arrived dressed in a costume of a Knight, there to rescue a damsel in distress. Was Liane in need of rescue?

Natalie was still corresponding with her unofficial fiancée Robert Kelso Cassatt, and he too was enabling Natalie's affairs, helping her sneak around. Natalie was always looking for places she could meet women to have sex since she was still living with her parents. Cassatt was heterosexual and at one point she even went with him to the Folies Berger and Maxims to select a prostitute for his satisfaction. However, an experience that challenged that notion that he could accept a White Marriage with her occurred. The other woman arrived to their private dining area in a restaurant where the waiters knew to leave the food aside and stay away. Though he immediately left, he could not resist watching. She later blamed him for doing so, but the man was shaken.

Natalie wanted Liane to leave the Courtesan life. Liane's friends, especially her mentor Valtesse de la Bigne, were opposed to that idea. Valtesse reminded Liane that a Courtesan could have a few weeks with another woman, but she risked losing clientele. There was always someone else ready to take her place as the number one Courtesan in Paris.

At the time there were about forty successful, rich Courtesans who were well known by the public -celebrities. Liane was called The Divine, The Queen of Love, The Pearl, and the Sultana of Sex.  Her image was in photos, on postcards and posters.  She was in the press.

Liane was considered regal, elegant, intelligent, and accomplished. She spoke English and Spanish as well as French fluently. She also played the guitar and piano well and rode a horse with style. She had no talent for acting or singing but her presence in a production meant a sold-out house. She would eventually write seven novels that were not considered to be literary, but they sold, and one play as well as her My Blue Notebooks, a diary.  Could she really give his all up?

Natalie thought so. She realized though that she would have to support Liane financially. She was still getting handouts from her father. What she was supposed to do is get married and get her dowry. Going against her principals, she wrote to Robert Kelso Cassatt and said she was ready to marry him.  She never heard back.  He had moved on and married a heterosexual woman.

Liane published a book called Idylle Saphique, a tell all about her affair with Natalie.  Natalie knew about the book having read drafts and contributed a chapter. The book, published in 1901, had all the real people's names changed to protect the guilty, including her own name and Natalie's. However, the public was wise to who was who.  Natalie wasn't entirely happy with the book's depiction of her, yet she gave out copies of it for years.

Finally, the rumors were so strong that Natalie was lesbian that her father heard about it.  He was enraged and made her promise she would never see Liane again. 

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All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights

The primary reference for this post is Wild Heart by Suzanne Rodriguez.  My notes were taken especially from pages 74, 75, 87, 90,100-101.  It's a wonderful book!

THE PETALS ARE SO SOFT

 

NATALIE CLIFFORD BARNEY : LIBERTINE AMERICAN EX-PAT WHO PERSUED LIANE DE POUGY and RAN A LITERARY SALON IN PARIS FOR DECADES

These days, at least in intellectual, artistic, and progressive hotspots in the United States, many lesbian women choose to live their lives openly. What about a girl born in 1876, the Victorian era, who knew before puberty that she was not interested in the opposite sex and loved other women? Natalie Clifford Barney became an American expatriate who almost lost her inheritance because she refused to satisfy her family's concern for their reputation. Then she got on with the life of her choice, that of a lesbian woman who played the pursuer of other women. Although during the time that she was involved with Liane De Pougy, the famous Courtesan had no need to be Kept financially, Natalie had to cope with Liane's bisexuality and the sex work she was in. Of course, that was the relationship that outed her, because Liane published a book about it soon after!

NATALIE CLIFFORD BARNEY

1876-1872

Natalie Clifford Barney was born to a sweet artistic mother, born Alice Pike, and an alcoholic and womanizing father, Albert Clifford Barney, who defended himself by accusing her mother of cheating on him and went into rages. At a time when divorce was not a consideration for society people of wealth and prestige, Natalie witnessed her parent's arguments, her mother being verbally abused, and empathized with her mother's entrapment. After her mother, Alice, had Natalie and her sister, her parents started to live separate lives. Her father traveled for business and was most often in America or London. Alice was slowly able to develop her talent as a painter, eventually being acknowledged for her fine, museum-worthy paintings. 

Though the family had money from the start, once her father received his inheritance, he became truly rich, with about 60 million. He joined exclusive clubs in every city he had business in. Noteworthy is that Albert founded the Chevy Chase Club that was so 'men only' that women were allowed in only once a year for a Thanksgiving tea and were unable to contact their husbands there through any means. Was it odd that men cooked for each other there? Such a refuge, to me, makes me wonder if perhaps her father also had a secret gay life. Perhaps it simply speaks to the entrapment in wrong marriages men of the era and class also felt or the notion that Victorian wives were too needy.

The author of the book Wild Heart, our primary reference for this month's posts, Suzzane Rodriguez, does not seek to explain that Natalie may have had homosexual ancestors or genetics but she does show that Natlie's genealogy is a fascinating study of diverse ethnicities and religions. Early to America, her ancestral roots could have kept her in Cincinatti or Washington D.C., but because of her advantage she adopted Paris, France as her true home.

As a ten-year-old Natalie went to an exclusive boarding school there, Les Ruches, the same one that Eleanor Roosevelt, who would marry a cousin and become a First Lady of the United States, had been sent to. The most exclusive all-girls school in Europe at the turn of the century, Les Ruches was where Natalie first got a taste for sexual experimentation among the girls. Was that because there were no boys? Victorian era thought was that it was just natural in a girl's development to have a crush on another girl. Girls talked openly about these crushes. At school Natalie also began to develop as an intellectual though she mostly loved riding horses. People were shocked when she stopped riding side-saddle as a Victorian lady was to do and rode a horse like a man. At school she also took part in theatrical and musical productions and became known for her witticisms and energy. She trained as a violinist and would, throughout her life, develop her own writing. It's thought that her father was ignorant of the motives of the school. The intent was to encourage students to claim their independence.

At sixteen Natalie was sent to finish her education at Miss Ely's, another exclusive boarding school, this one in New York City. Soon she would be expected to marry.

When as a teenager she learned that her natural attraction to other females was considered an aberration, she was stunned.  While other teenagers found sexual experimentation just something that was part of the passage into heterosexual womanhood, Natalie had experiences with young women who were lesbian. The problem was that it was absolutely not allowed. There were suspicions about her and gossip but Natalie went through her debut to society well enough. With gorgeous long blond tresses and deep blue eyes, striking, well-educated, and the family fortune well known, even her recent adventures in Europe and her father's brusk ways were not an issue to prevent her from making a fine marital match.

There were others, male and female, who found themselves not interested in replicating their parent's marital situations or who tried to find a way around marriage. One of those ways was to marry someone who, for their own reasons, could accept a White Marriage, the term for a marriage that would not include sexuality. Such partnerships made sense for they preserved a family's reputation and often inheritances. To see this from their perspective, these families were very concerned about breeding and the continuation of their lineages and preservation of their wealth and gay people did not reproduce. Natalie had never liked playing with dolls, had an aversion to marriage, a horror of childbirth, and so, at first, she did not entertain the advantages of a White Marriage. However, the nephew of artist Mary Cassatt, Robert Kelso Cassatt, also an heir from a family of tremendous fortune, did pledge to marry her and they became unofficially engaged for a time.

"Natalie's Bar Harbor debut was the first private ball of the island's social season. More than five hundred people, "every one of social and diplomatic distinction summering at Bar Harbor, came to Ban-y-Bryn (the family home) that night, their carriages ascending a steep pathway lit by hundreds of Japanese lanterns.  Natalie dazzled in a white satin dress by Worth.  The drawing room was crowded with dancers, conversations took place on the silk-draped balconies overlooking the ocean, and food was served in the Great Hall with its trailing pine boughs and silk- shaded candlelight."  (Page 71 of the hardback book)  

Now that her lavish debut was covered by the press, the pressure was really on to marry and conform.

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All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights

There are three ways to pull up past posts in the Google Blogger. You can click on a tab, you can search the whole blog using the search feature embedded, or you can go through the archives and see what titles spark you!  Natalie Clifford Barney was the feature her at Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot in September of 2014 as well.