FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT LIBRARY COLLECTIONS

FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT LIBRARY COLLECTIONS

HYDRANGIA KISS

ONE YEAR TO MARRIAGE? OPINION BY MISSY

QUESTION FOR MISSY

Dear Missy,

My parents tell me that it's not a good idea to date someone for more than a year. That by then you should marry them or give it up.  They're a little vague about WHY.  What's your opinion?

David
New York

ANSWER FROM MISSY


Dear David,

I heard something like that too. I think it had to do with the idea that one could not hold back their sexual desire much longer back in the day when celibacy was expected until marriage. Plenty of people have married without knowing each other as long as a year and been successful with it.  A year (or any amount of time) can also seem rather arbitrary.  So what I think is that dating is a process of getting to know other people - AND YOURSELF.  And the more dating you do, one could say the older you get, it's more likely that you're going to know if someone is for you or not more quickly.  (But don't skip over the getting-to-know-you step!) We all know the odd couples who get along famously even though they would never have been "matches" in an on-line dating club. Blame chemistry.

Another thing to consider is GOAL ORIENTATION. Some people are real good at coming up with a goal such as wishing to be married within a year and they go about dating as if they were interviewing and have a strategy.  While others take what life offers them without so much work.

If you meet someone you know you want to marry but they need to do something first, such as finish their college year or find a decent job, I'd say it's worth a wait. If it goes on and on without marriage, and it's not clear that you want to marry the person, but you think of dating as finding a partner rather than having some fun, you must decide if this is worth it to you or if the energy has gone out of the quest.

Missy

HYDE PARK ON HUDSON - THE FILM

Taking place in June 1939  when the King and Queen of England come to stay at President Roosevelt's family home, wives, mistresses, and others conspire (and compete) to make the visit memorable. The film came out in 2012 and was considered a British comedy.  Actress Elizabeth Marvel acts as Missy LeHand

HELLO HYDRANGIA

LUCY MERCER RUTHERFURD and FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT IN THE WHITE HOUSE

From the book Franklin and Lucy.

The question Lucy Mercer Rutherfurd, who married an older man, might have had, was if it was possible she and the President might someday go into a private life together.  Certainly after he broke with her, they kept in touch.  She moved on, but still was not completely absent from his life.

She was there for all four of his swearing in ceremonies. At the time that FDR was sworn in for the third time, and Lucy attended, her husband was now a 79 year old stroke patient who she brought along to Washington in a wheelchair.  She asked FDR to recommend a doctor for him.  She was just 50.

Lucy called the White House code name Mrs. Paul Johnson and visited the President during the time that Missy LeHand prevailed as his personal assistant - when Eleanor was away.  After Missy LeHand had her stroke and was sent away to try to recover at Warm Springs, "The Little White House,"  Lucy began to visit the White House in Washington D.C. for dinners.  Sure, she might be in town visiting her sister.

While Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, and World War II brought crisis to the White House and Franklin was so busy he barely called the ailing Missy LeHand back, he still had contact with Lucy Mercer Rutherfurd.  She visited the White House on October 20, 1942.  When the President, in failing health, was sworn in for his fourth term, Lucy was there again. 

She packed up and left when FDR fell ill but she called from the road to learn he had died of a massive cerebral hemorrhage only 83 days into that fourth term as President. 

QUESTION FOR READERS: ARE YOU A WIFE STAYING MARRIED EVEN THOUGH HE HAS A MISTRESS?

I'd like to hear from the wives out there who know their husband has a Mistress and have decided to stay married, just like the marriage vows state, till death.

What is your motivation(s)?

Status?
Money/Wealth?
Raising children?
Being able to have relationship(s) outside the marriage?
Believing this too shall pass?
Retirement?
Health/ Health insurance?
Competing with another woman and winning him?

You tell us!

Missy

TORMENT FOR LUCY MERCER AND FRANKLIN

Page 115-116 quote from Franklin and Lucy by Joseph E. Persico

"The torment for Lucy was no less. She was flying in the face of her (Catholic) Churches' teaching, which had been her moral compass since childhood. She had sacrificed crucial years when a young woman should be seeking the security of a good marriage. Her foreboding was assuaged by the hope that someday they might marry.  But what if in the end Franklin would not leave his wife?  Their lives had become a melange of happiness and anxiety, pleasure and guilt, risk and deception.  yet the price was paid and the affair went on."

MEET YOU HALF WAY