Amelie Dieterle artist
Thursday, January 31, 2019
Monday, January 28, 2019
IS MARRIAGE THE ONLY FINANCIAL PROTECTION A WOMAN CAN HAVE?
QUESTION FOR MISSY
Missy, Several years ago my daughter "Holly" gave up her college education to follow a retired man to Florida. She lives with "Sherman" as an unofficial wife and as his caregiver as he ages. No marriage. He promises her she'll have the house. Where are the papers? Meanwhile a friend of mine, "Liz," gave up her job at the age of 60 to spend more time with "Joe," who had her move in with him. No marriage. Joe died and didn't take care of her in his will. His adult children put her out and seized the car. She still loves Joe but is now stuck in an apartment in the ghetto and on the bus, doing odd jobs. I don't want to hurt her by pointing out that Joe ruined her career, cut her contributions to Social Security, and didn't love her enough to protect her so she'd have a good old age. I've used Liz as an example to Holly, begging her to get Sherman to do what he needs to do legally. Missy, why are you against marriage? It's the only legal protection a woman has with a man!
Judy
California
ANSWER FROM MISSY
I'm not against marriage, Judy. I'm not for marriage. I'm for choice.
Sadly it seems marriage is the ONLY legal protection a person has in a romantic partnership but I understand the tradition.
In an ideal world, everyone would be loved. All jobs would pay livable wages. Everyone would have access to excellent health care. People would meet their soul mates early and never suffer dating or divorce. Heartbreak and poverty wouldn't exist.
As things are, traditional marriage isn't always enviable, and sometimes it isn't even a possibility.
Your daughter Holly is not of your generation or that of Liz's and she may have different ideals than you about relationships. I sense in both cases the woman's priority is to love and be loved as the ultimate life experience. In a greedy, materialistic, and narcissistic world, these woman may seem to be old fashioned or out of it to not prioritize themselves.
Throughout this blog are examples of people who have sacrificed for love as well as women who seem to have hearts turned to stone, people whose lives could have gone into other directions and those whose choices were few or nonexistent, lots of lives to try on, consider, and compare yours with yours.
I ask my readers, who do YOU suppose so very many people are or were involved with someone who cannot or will not marry them?
The truth is that for every person I profile here, as a Mistress of the Month (or Mantress of the Month), there are likely hundreds who are more quietly, privately, or secretly living the same way. The people I write about are mostly known because they lived public lives or have become known well enough to be included in biographies and memoirs. I suspect that marriage is not what people expect it to be and our longer lifespans are especially challenging the idea that we can be compatible with another person for a life time.
You didn't ask me what you should do to prevent your daughter from loving her man, who may not take care of her any better than Liz's Joe. Since she's got a concerned mom who has already warned her, let her live her life. Don't live to say, "I told you so." I can think of mothers who have pushed or allowed their daughter to date and marry much older men because those men were famous or wealthy. Is that healthy? Your daughter probably has many more years ahead of her to complete an education, earn her own money, or marry someone else.
As for your friend, her situation is all too common. Older women often encounter men who do not want to remarry because they are angry about the financial settlements of prior marriages. Women who have lots of money are also refusing to marry again in order to preserve their settlement. So people talk about having a "companion," and that companionship often includes sex, without concerns about pregnancy and having to start or afford a family.
Missy
Missy, Several years ago my daughter "Holly" gave up her college education to follow a retired man to Florida. She lives with "Sherman" as an unofficial wife and as his caregiver as he ages. No marriage. He promises her she'll have the house. Where are the papers? Meanwhile a friend of mine, "Liz," gave up her job at the age of 60 to spend more time with "Joe," who had her move in with him. No marriage. Joe died and didn't take care of her in his will. His adult children put her out and seized the car. She still loves Joe but is now stuck in an apartment in the ghetto and on the bus, doing odd jobs. I don't want to hurt her by pointing out that Joe ruined her career, cut her contributions to Social Security, and didn't love her enough to protect her so she'd have a good old age. I've used Liz as an example to Holly, begging her to get Sherman to do what he needs to do legally. Missy, why are you against marriage? It's the only legal protection a woman has with a man!
Judy
California
ANSWER FROM MISSY
I'm not against marriage, Judy. I'm not for marriage. I'm for choice.
Sadly it seems marriage is the ONLY legal protection a person has in a romantic partnership but I understand the tradition.
In an ideal world, everyone would be loved. All jobs would pay livable wages. Everyone would have access to excellent health care. People would meet their soul mates early and never suffer dating or divorce. Heartbreak and poverty wouldn't exist.
As things are, traditional marriage isn't always enviable, and sometimes it isn't even a possibility.
Your daughter Holly is not of your generation or that of Liz's and she may have different ideals than you about relationships. I sense in both cases the woman's priority is to love and be loved as the ultimate life experience. In a greedy, materialistic, and narcissistic world, these woman may seem to be old fashioned or out of it to not prioritize themselves.
Throughout this blog are examples of people who have sacrificed for love as well as women who seem to have hearts turned to stone, people whose lives could have gone into other directions and those whose choices were few or nonexistent, lots of lives to try on, consider, and compare yours with yours.
I ask my readers, who do YOU suppose so very many people are or were involved with someone who cannot or will not marry them?
The truth is that for every person I profile here, as a Mistress of the Month (or Mantress of the Month), there are likely hundreds who are more quietly, privately, or secretly living the same way. The people I write about are mostly known because they lived public lives or have become known well enough to be included in biographies and memoirs. I suspect that marriage is not what people expect it to be and our longer lifespans are especially challenging the idea that we can be compatible with another person for a life time.
You didn't ask me what you should do to prevent your daughter from loving her man, who may not take care of her any better than Liz's Joe. Since she's got a concerned mom who has already warned her, let her live her life. Don't live to say, "I told you so." I can think of mothers who have pushed or allowed their daughter to date and marry much older men because those men were famous or wealthy. Is that healthy? Your daughter probably has many more years ahead of her to complete an education, earn her own money, or marry someone else.
As for your friend, her situation is all too common. Older women often encounter men who do not want to remarry because they are angry about the financial settlements of prior marriages. Women who have lots of money are also refusing to marry again in order to preserve their settlement. So people talk about having a "companion," and that companionship often includes sex, without concerns about pregnancy and having to start or afford a family.
Missy
Friday, January 25, 2019
Wednesday, January 23, 2019
MARGUERITE ALIBERT, THE PRINCE OF WALES, and GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER
Ali Kamel Famy bey, her husband, shot dead, Marguerite Alibert, some say, had planned out the whole thing. They were known to be a couple that argued publicly and horribly and they were divorcing. She admitted shooting him, but used the self defense argument, which was conceivable. Now as the press covered the shooting and a scandal was brewing, the Prince of Wales' handlers were worried. Insiders knew that the Prince and Marguerite had carried on a relationship for a couple years and now the Royal family blocked the press from mentioning the Prince. But would Marguerite in court? Would Ali's family? What if she showed or sold her letters from the Prince to the press? Then the world would know what the Prince thought of his father and political issues. He had not been careful and she could not be counted on to be discreet.
Her defense got sordid. She said that her husband expected unnatural sexual activity from her and that her doctor said she had anal damage. Of course, she could have had damage from her years as a sex worker, courtesan, or other men, but because she knew Ali went to brothels were men could be hired. It was hinted that the operation she needed money for had something to do with this.
Importantly, the Royal Household lawyers wanted to get the letters back and secure Marguerite's silence. By August 1923 a settlement had been reached. But she turned over most of the letters - not all. Leaving some in Paris - just in case she needed them.
Marie Marguerite Famy plead not guilty of murder.
The trial, like the O.J. Simpson trial in which the former star football athlete plead not guilty to the murder of his wife Nicole Brown Simpson, was a show trial. While the press alleged that she had S and M and lesbian relationships, she was acquitted.
Marguerite Alibert died January 2nd, 1971, having a long life.
C 2009 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot All Rights Reserved
The Woman Before Wallis - Prince Edward, The Parisian Courtesan, and the Perfect Murder is the primary reference for this month's posts.
Her defense got sordid. She said that her husband expected unnatural sexual activity from her and that her doctor said she had anal damage. Of course, she could have had damage from her years as a sex worker, courtesan, or other men, but because she knew Ali went to brothels were men could be hired. It was hinted that the operation she needed money for had something to do with this.
Importantly, the Royal Household lawyers wanted to get the letters back and secure Marguerite's silence. By August 1923 a settlement had been reached. But she turned over most of the letters - not all. Leaving some in Paris - just in case she needed them.
Marie Marguerite Famy plead not guilty of murder.
The trial, like the O.J. Simpson trial in which the former star football athlete plead not guilty to the murder of his wife Nicole Brown Simpson, was a show trial. While the press alleged that she had S and M and lesbian relationships, she was acquitted.
Marguerite Alibert died January 2nd, 1971, having a long life.
C 2009 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot All Rights Reserved
The Woman Before Wallis - Prince Edward, The Parisian Courtesan, and the Perfect Murder is the primary reference for this month's posts.
Sunday, January 20, 2019
YES WE HAVE NO BANANA'S
In 1923 This song was all the rage. Even aristocrats sang this catchy but silly song. Imagine the show trial of Marguerite Alibert in the tabloids and this record on the Victrola.
Thursday, January 17, 2019
MARGUERITE ALIBERT and ALI KAMEL FAMY BEY - ANOTHER MARRIAGE and a MURDER
In December 1920, Marguerite, a bit less than a year after her divorce from Henri Laurent, arrived back in Cairo, Egypt. She first became the mistress of a Sepphardic Jewish Italian banker named Mosseri. But she also became the mistress of Jean d'Astoreca. Being kept by these two men didn't stop her from meeting Ali Kamel Famy bey, who was enraptured by her as she acted uninterested. He was an heir to a fortune inherited when he was sixteen. He was known for his hot temper and for having a good time with his money.
By 1922, when he was 21, he was feeling some pressure to marry as the male in the family. In May of that year, Marguerite got the formal introduction she needed in society to meet him. Soon they were living as man and wife and traveling from one resort to another. His family was against the marriage. But on December 26th, 1991 they were married in a Civil Ceremony.
The early days of their marriage was like a honeymoon. She had her lawyer deal with the marriage contract in which he paid 8000 pounds, 2000 as the signing, and the rest if he died or there was a divorce. And she was to convert to Islam, which she did rapidly after the civil ceremony, giving up her Catholicism. But soon the couple was threatening to kill each other.
The Islam religious ceremony came to pass in February 1923. She did not know that in Islam a woman cannot divorce a husband. This seems to have invalidated or challenged the premarital contract. And for all his chasing Marguerite, he had not given up going to seedy places where there were both male and female prostitutes available. Despite ongoing travel and luxury, Marguerite got bored of this husband too. And they were fighting openly and terribly.
Back in Paris, due to her own efforts as well as her divorce settlement with Laurent, she was worth 37,000 pounds by 1923. There she decided to humiliate her husband by recovering her admirers. By June 1923 she had a detective following Ali hoping that he was homosexual so she could use that information to get money from his family.
Two nights after La Bal du Grand Prix (the Grand Prix ball, the couple came to blows again and Marguerite threatened to shoot Ali. They both owned guns - this was known publicly. His family wanted them to separate citing that she was not an obedient Islamic wife.
In England at the Savoy hotel during the season of 1923 that began in April and provided constant entertainment, Ali cut Marguerite off financially. On July 9th of that season he stopped her from buying more jewelry and clothing.
She said she had to have an operation. She said he cut her off from the money to pay for it.
Shortly after 2 am after a dance at the hotel, during the worst lightening and thunderstorm, she chased him out of their suite and shot him three times. He bled out from a head wound.
She admitted it immediately. She said she had lost her head. They had been arguing over their divorce but she wasn't completely out of her mind. She claimed she had only wanted to frighten him away from abusing her. She wept learning her husband had died - and only 23 years old too!
Within hours she was arrested. The newspapers were carrying the story and so were the tabloids.
C 2009 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot All Rights Reserved
The Woman Before Wallis - Prince Edward, The Parisian Courtesan, and the Perfect Murder is the primary reference for this month's posts.
By 1922, when he was 21, he was feeling some pressure to marry as the male in the family. In May of that year, Marguerite got the formal introduction she needed in society to meet him. Soon they were living as man and wife and traveling from one resort to another. His family was against the marriage. But on December 26th, 1991 they were married in a Civil Ceremony.
The early days of their marriage was like a honeymoon. She had her lawyer deal with the marriage contract in which he paid 8000 pounds, 2000 as the signing, and the rest if he died or there was a divorce. And she was to convert to Islam, which she did rapidly after the civil ceremony, giving up her Catholicism. But soon the couple was threatening to kill each other.
The Islam religious ceremony came to pass in February 1923. She did not know that in Islam a woman cannot divorce a husband. This seems to have invalidated or challenged the premarital contract. And for all his chasing Marguerite, he had not given up going to seedy places where there were both male and female prostitutes available. Despite ongoing travel and luxury, Marguerite got bored of this husband too. And they were fighting openly and terribly.
Back in Paris, due to her own efforts as well as her divorce settlement with Laurent, she was worth 37,000 pounds by 1923. There she decided to humiliate her husband by recovering her admirers. By June 1923 she had a detective following Ali hoping that he was homosexual so she could use that information to get money from his family.
Two nights after La Bal du Grand Prix (the Grand Prix ball, the couple came to blows again and Marguerite threatened to shoot Ali. They both owned guns - this was known publicly. His family wanted them to separate citing that she was not an obedient Islamic wife.
In England at the Savoy hotel during the season of 1923 that began in April and provided constant entertainment, Ali cut Marguerite off financially. On July 9th of that season he stopped her from buying more jewelry and clothing.
She said she had to have an operation. She said he cut her off from the money to pay for it.
Shortly after 2 am after a dance at the hotel, during the worst lightening and thunderstorm, she chased him out of their suite and shot him three times. He bled out from a head wound.
She admitted it immediately. She said she had lost her head. They had been arguing over their divorce but she wasn't completely out of her mind. She claimed she had only wanted to frighten him away from abusing her. She wept learning her husband had died - and only 23 years old too!
Within hours she was arrested. The newspapers were carrying the story and so were the tabloids.
C 2009 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot All Rights Reserved
The Woman Before Wallis - Prince Edward, The Parisian Courtesan, and the Perfect Murder is the primary reference for this month's posts.
Tuesday, January 15, 2019
Sunday, January 13, 2019
MARGUERITE ALIBERT , THE PRINCE OF WALES, and HENRI LAURENT - A MARRIAGE
I think of the film Pretty William, an early Julia Roberts film in which the Richard Gere character turns out to be not a client but a man of her dreams she can find true love with. A popular film and pure fantasy. ...
In 1907 Marguerite Alibert had met Andre Meller, a 40 year old married man, tall, good looking and rich via the wine business. He owned racing stables too. The couple were seen around town since there was no shame in Paris of having a Mistress, unlike in Britain. She was his keep. Their relationship of seven years included foreign travel. (Figuring 1907-1914, she was about 16 - 22 years old.) When Andre was out of town, Marguerite continued to be a courtesan and sex worker like other kept women in Paris. She made him jealous and acted as if he were not pleasing enough, not providing enough for her. (And here we see there were distinctions between these categories.)
She moved on to the Prince of Wales who, during 1917 and 1918, wrote 20 or more letters to her in which he was open with his feelings about his father and his political views. She wrote back. The Prince enjoyed women with strong and dominating personalities. Some say that he actually enjoyed women who were dominatrix, something Marguerite may have practiced in the brothels where she worked. But as the affair with the Prince fizzed out and he moved on to Mrs. Dudley Ward as his mistress, Marguerite wrote the Prince a horrible letter hinting black mail. She wanted money. He sought legal advice. The Royal Household lawyers wanted to get those letters back from her or "secure" her silence.
Marguerite met Henri Laurent.
In 1919 the Prince of Wales left Buckingham Palace to live at York House and have more independence from his controlling family. By 1920- 1921 Freda Dudley Ward and the Prince were embroiled. By 1922 their relationship was strained. She wanted to divorced her husband and also showed interest in another man.
In 1919 Laurent had proposed to Marguerite. Once again she only had money in mind. He was a dull man who happened to be generous. Henri Laurent was rich enough to give her and her daughter Raymonde a good life. Once married to him, Raymonde finally came to live with her mother and she was given a private education in England. The marriage lasted from May 1919 to March 1920. Now Marguerite was a rich woman. That she was rich did not end her need for even more. But she was able to upgrade her life after divorce due to her settlement with him. It could be argued that she no longer had to be a sex worker or a courtesan. But it seems she never wanted just one man in her life.
C 2009 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot All Rights Reserved
The Woman Before Wallis = Prince Edward, The Parisian Courtesan, and the Perfect Murder is the primary reference for this month's posts.
In 1907 Marguerite Alibert had met Andre Meller, a 40 year old married man, tall, good looking and rich via the wine business. He owned racing stables too. The couple were seen around town since there was no shame in Paris of having a Mistress, unlike in Britain. She was his keep. Their relationship of seven years included foreign travel. (Figuring 1907-1914, she was about 16 - 22 years old.) When Andre was out of town, Marguerite continued to be a courtesan and sex worker like other kept women in Paris. She made him jealous and acted as if he were not pleasing enough, not providing enough for her. (And here we see there were distinctions between these categories.)
She moved on to the Prince of Wales who, during 1917 and 1918, wrote 20 or more letters to her in which he was open with his feelings about his father and his political views. She wrote back. The Prince enjoyed women with strong and dominating personalities. Some say that he actually enjoyed women who were dominatrix, something Marguerite may have practiced in the brothels where she worked. But as the affair with the Prince fizzed out and he moved on to Mrs. Dudley Ward as his mistress, Marguerite wrote the Prince a horrible letter hinting black mail. She wanted money. He sought legal advice. The Royal Household lawyers wanted to get those letters back from her or "secure" her silence.
Marguerite met Henri Laurent.
In 1919 the Prince of Wales left Buckingham Palace to live at York House and have more independence from his controlling family. By 1920- 1921 Freda Dudley Ward and the Prince were embroiled. By 1922 their relationship was strained. She wanted to divorced her husband and also showed interest in another man.
In 1919 Laurent had proposed to Marguerite. Once again she only had money in mind. He was a dull man who happened to be generous. Henri Laurent was rich enough to give her and her daughter Raymonde a good life. Once married to him, Raymonde finally came to live with her mother and she was given a private education in England. The marriage lasted from May 1919 to March 1920. Now Marguerite was a rich woman. That she was rich did not end her need for even more. But she was able to upgrade her life after divorce due to her settlement with him. It could be argued that she no longer had to be a sex worker or a courtesan. But it seems she never wanted just one man in her life.
C 2009 Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot All Rights Reserved
The Woman Before Wallis = Prince Edward, The Parisian Courtesan, and the Perfect Murder is the primary reference for this month's posts.
Friday, January 11, 2019
GEORGE GERSHWIN : I'LL BUILD A STAIRWAY TO PARADISE
1922 This was a popular song among the upper crust.
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