Tuesday, November 24, 2015

DECLARATION FOR MISTRESSES : SHARING

I'll bet when you saw the word "sharing" on the headline of this post, you thought I'd post an affirmation/declaration about sharing men!  Well, SHARING implies an interaction between two people at least, meaning that if you SHARE a man, then those of you who share him know about each other, at least that you both exist.

Actually...

"It doesn't have to be THANKSGIVING for me to share."



Share what you have.  It doesn't have to be a material thing, but whatever it is,  a stick of gum or your win from the lottery, share it graciously.

Monday, November 23, 2015

QUESTION FOR MISSY : HOW CAN YOU SPEND THANKSGIVING ALONE?

QUESTION

Dear Missy,  I was wondering how you spend Thanksgiving alone.  Maybe you can inspire me?

Shannon, Mistress from Iowa City

ANSWER

Shannon,

I'm not always alone for Thanksgiving, but I have been without being upset about it or feeling lonely.  That's just my nature.  I've attended dinners at friends, among strangers, with family members, I've been alone but had a meal sent over, and I've had someone stop by just to pick up something to eat that I cooked, which they went home and ate alone.  I had a totally vegetarian Thanksgiving one year - no turkey. I've also attended one of those big Thanksgiving feasts that some churches do as a community.  The one thing I've never done was go out to eat alone on Thanksgiving, though I do sometimes eat alone in restaurants, without minding it.

If you don't want to be alone and have no local invites, and you don't want to go to a community gathering, I'd suggest volunteering to dish out food at a homeless shelter. Otherwise, take a hike, or a walk in nature, thinking about all the ways you are fortunate and blessed.

If you can turn Thanksgiving into a four day holiday, maybe get out of town.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

KRIS JENNER - ALL THINGS KARDASHIAN : MISTRESS MANIFESTO BOOK REVIEW


KRIS JENNER - ALL THINGS KARDASHIAN

(KRIS JENNER has said that Nicole Brown Simpson told her that O.J. was going to kill her and get away with it.  She deeply regrets not being more to Nicole or doing more to perhaps prevent the tragedy.)

Yes, I read this book, in search of information about Nicole Brown Simpson and O.J. and her murder.  Kris Jenner is now divorced from Bruce Jenner, and Bruce has become the most famous transgender person in history, but this book came out before all that, and after the reality TV show staring her and her family, the daughters she had with lawyer and best friend to O.J. Simpson, Robert Kardashian, was a recent hit.  Kris Jenner does a good job of covering her own amazing life, her early marriage to wealthy Robert Kardashian, their years as good friends to O.J. and Nicole, her belief during the trial that her ex husband Robert was unnecessarily faithful and loyal to O.J., and her belief that O.J. was guilty. 

Then she moves on to her daughters by Robert, who, in my opinion, are mostly famous for being famous.  I recently read elsewhere that in her divorce from Bruce, he left with about $100 million while she left with about $20 million (in California, a community property state, the split is usually 50/50), which I believe to be her earnings from managing a resurgence of fame for the Olympic medalist she'd married after he'd been on hold for years, and then her own daughters.  Kris grew up comfortable, was pursued by Robert Kardashian, an older wealthy man, when she was just out of her teens and had just become a stewardess, and soon had a life of wealth and privilege as a Beverly Hills' wife and mother.  She had a dream to have six children, found pregnancy and birth easy, and had four with Robert and two with Bruce, while Bruce had four children already.

Kris had an affair that broke up the sweet marriage she had to Robert and in this book she explains the madness of it and has massive regrets and apologies about it.  One thing for certain though, she never sought to go back to the father of her daughters, and Kris is a woman who seems to go forward in life at such a rapid pace, it must have been odd for her to look back enough to write this book which is two parts memoir.

Kris Jenner's personality shines through her book.  She comes across as ambitious, rich, driven, positive, and hard working, as well as able to set goals and move towards them.  She also has the capacity to know when she has made a bad decision.

But for our purposes here, what she has to say about Nicole Brown Simpson, who she describes as a good friend, is of most interest.  O.J. Nicole and their kids and Robert and Kris and theirs shared many good times including vacation trips, and so it's a bit surprising that she (and Robert) didn't know the extent of the abuse.  Nicole withheld that information and about the time she was murdered she and Kris were supposed to get together to talk privately, so that Nicole could share a secret - probably this secret.

Like all Nicole's friends and others who say that they had no idea,  Kris was aware that there were times when O.J. and Nicole as a couple were behaving oddly, or O.J. was being controlling.  Did Robert know?

Robert Kardashian decided to stick with O.J. through the trial out of the habit of friendship but also because of his Armenian-American values that you do not abandon a friend when in need.

Now for those of you who watched the trial or have read any of the many books surrounding the trial, there has always been a question of whatever happened to the murder weapon, which was judged to be a knife.  There is speculation that Robert Kardashian was a pawn in O.J.'s scheme to get rid of it by transporting it in his golf bag, or that perhaps Robert carried it away in a luggage type bag.  In this book we learn that after Nicole's funeral, O.J. was staying at Robert's house, and that he once took a night walk around the neighborhood to clear his head, during which he might have moved the weapon from the garage.  Speculation as I say, so perhaps we will never know.

C 2015  Missy Rapport   Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot
All Rights Reserved including Internet and International Rights.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

CAN YOU RECOGNIZE VERBAL ABUSE? PATRICIA EVANS IS AN EXPERT ; THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

 
Friends, as you know if you've been reading MISTRESS MANIFESTO, I have a real concern that people, women in particular, not be exploited, hurt, or abused, and that whatever relationship you're in, you're there because you want to be. 
 
That's why I dedicated a month to the Slavic Women who are imported to the United States, sometimes through lies, and find themselves stranded and even forced into sex work, back in July of 2014.  I'm sensitive to the fact that many women throughout history have found themselves as Mistresses, Courtesans, Wives, even as Prostitutes, because they had or have so little choice in life.  Now it's the 21st century, it's still a man's world but our prospects are encouraging, and we must try to move forward into lives of our own choosing.
 
These last several weeks we've been reading around the O.J. Simpson Murder Trial, and the abuse and murder of this month's Mistress of the Month, Nicole Brown Simpson.   While perhaps Nicole kept family and friends from knowing the full extent of O.J.'s abuse of her, it's difficult for me to believe that no one ever heard the things O.J. said to her, even if they didn't witness a beating.  However, this book warns that sometimes the person who abuses another will only do it in secret, say in the home, or in the bedroom, while coming off as a gentleman and part of a loving couple in public.
 
So I got a copy of one of the most respected books on VERBAL ABUSE, which is far more common than PHYSICAL ABUSE and often leads to or is a part of the PHYSICAL ABUSE.  I read it.  I took notes.  I thought about what I learned.
 
As women we need to educate ourselves and be aware.
 
So I have a confession to make.
 
This book made more aware than ever of what VERBAL ABUSE IS and as a result, I now know that the funky feelings I would get after going out on the town or having dinner with a particular PLATONIC MALE FRIEND of mine, who I think of as sometimes difficult, are in fact coming from him being verbally abusive, even though he may not raise a hand or a voice or use any derogatory terms.  In recently weeks I've actually shut down, not speaking or replying at all in response to something he's said. That's because he is more subtle and "manipulative" would also be an appropriate word.  I'm now in the process of letting him go out of my life and I realize that I actually have some fear about doing that directly.  That's more proof that I've been verbally abused.
 
PATRICIA EVANS, the author of this book, is an expert.
 
She says verbal abuse is BUILT INTO OUR CULTURE.  (I agree, and I wish women would not cooperate with being called names like HO, for instance.)  That's one of the reasons people overhear it or experience it and don't know it's wrong.
 
You come up with excuses like, "He's just having a bad day."  (And who doesn't have a bad day?  Still, there are other ways to cope with stress.)
 
Since I can't type all my notes here, let me go to the ones that made me realize I indeed have a verbally abusive PLATONIC MALE FRIEND.
 
1) Sometimes when he gets mad or irritated, somehow he makes it my fault.  (I picked the wrong route to get somewhere and so there is traffic.  I'm just as put out by unexpected back ups on the road, but how would I know before hand?)
 
2) When I try to discuss my hurt feelings or an issue has not been fully resolved, he refuses to discuss it or shuts the conversation down.  (He says things to me like "the past doesn't matter - live for today" which completely gets him off from acknowledging his responsibility or apologizing to me.  That's called DIVERTING the conversation.  It's also called BLOCKING as it establishes what can be discussed.
 
3) I frequently feel perplexed or frustrated by him because I can't get him to understand something.  (He has used critical language to pick apart the way I speak or explain something which prevents him from ever tackling the subject.)  That's called JUDGING AND CRITICIZING
 
4) *** He likes to take the opposite view from mine on most everything I mention.  (It often involves food choices, and thus what I cook for dinner for us or where we go to eat out and what we order.  I've made a list of all the weird food issues he has and have found that the very things he refuses to eat when with me he eats elsewhere without complaint.  Go figure! I can't understand why if he smokes he's so concerned about poisons in food!  However, I also think he likes to just go against me to have POWER AND CONTROL over the conversation, if not me.)
 
So read this book and evaluate your own relationships!
 

C 2015  Missy Rapport  Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot  All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

WANT TO SEE NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON'S DIARY THAT RECORDED THE BEATINGS SHE GOT FROM O.J? TEE BYLO'S BLOG DEDICATEDTO THE SLAIN NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON

BROWNSIMPSON WORDPRESS - A BLOG DEVOTED TO NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON loaded with information, quotations, pictures, opinions... and this related site RECOLLECTING NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON BLOGSPOT

 
Go to the link above to get to this blog dedicated to NICOLE for the readable size (which is attributed to the NATIONAL ENQUIRER and a lot of other photos and links to multiple social media sites.
 
An EXCERPT:
 
"Nicole recorded several violent beatings in her haunting diary – and these chilling entries cover the years from 1978 until the couple’s divorce in 1992. Dominique called the tragic log the “hit list.”
 
“I didn’t know about any of these beatings when they were going on,” an outraged Dominique told The ENQUIRER.
 
“Unfortunately, I didn’t find out about them until after her death. Since then, people who were friends with O.J. and Nicole have told me all about the hellish abuse she endured at the hands of O.J.”
 
note: Dominique was a younger sister of Nicole Brown

 
 
***
Missy here!
 
We all know that batterers and the battered can be in denial, or keep the facts from their friends and families.  Throughout the whole O.J. Simpson trial, I kept thinking, "Why didn't the friends and family of Nicole's do more to get them help, or to get her away from him, how could they let this go on?"
 
I do know some reasons why.  Here is my list.
 
1) They were not true friends to Nicole.
 
2) They were not true friends to O.J.
 
3) They were friends of O.J.s and not Nicole's, because his fame and money benefitted them more.
 
4) They were ignorant about battering and abuse in general or hoped or thought it wasn't as bad as she said.
 
5) They themselves had the experience of being in bad relationships or situations in which abuse occurred and they too took it or gave it out.
 
6) They believed you should stay out of other people's relationships as a policy, even when there is evidence of abuse.  The, "Who really knows what happens between two people," philosophy.
 
7) They feared that if they took a side, they would loose both friendships.  (Having talked to someone who worked at a Domestic Abuse Hotline, apparently this does happen.  An abused person and/or their abuser can turn on the person who helped them.)
 
P.S.  From my own research notes. Nicole was O.J. Simpson's mistress before she was his wife.  He was still married when they met, she was a 17? - 19 year old waitress who was brought into his lifestyle and he an older married and rich man.  She was divorced from him and supported by him before she started thinking about some way to make money, to invest in a franchise like Starbuck for instance, or to be an Interior Designer.
 
C  2015 Missy Rapport - Mistress Manifesto BlogSpot - All Rights Reserved including International and Internet Rights.
 

Monday, November 2, 2015

NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON - MISTRESS OF O.J. - WIFE OF O.J. and MOST FAMOUS UNSOLVED MURDER VICTIM


NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON - MISTRESS OF THE MONTH

Image from Google Images/ Pinterest
 
This month I'm doing something that I've never done in the years since I began researching and writing MISTRESS MANIFESTO BLOGSPOT.  The O.J. Simpson connection moves us from last month's topic PATRICIA SIKORA, the mistress of O.J. Simpson trial lawyer, JOHNNIE COCHRAN, with this month's, NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON, the victim of a yet unsolved murder, and the ex-wife of famous football athlete, Orenthal James Simpson. 

O.J. Simpson is the only person who has ever been on trial for the June 12,1994 murders of Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman. The trial held international interest for about a year, was televised live, and left many wondering about our criminal justice system. Even Princess Diana watched the show.  In 1995 he was acquitted and freed.  The part of the trial that most people remember is when he tried on a leather glove said to be that of the murderer, and lawyer Johnnie Cochran chanted "If it does not fit, you must acquit." Simpson is currently in prison for charges not related to that murder and makes the cover of the National Enquirer often for having a rough time in prison. 

NICOLE BROWN was his mistress, then his second wife.  They met in 1977 and O. J. divorced his first wife Marguerite L. Whitley, the mother of his first three children, in March 1979.  But O.J., who'd been seeing Nicole for a couple years at that point, didn't marry her.  He waited until February 2, 1985, having retired from football and, by various reports, was still playing the field.  So from Nicole's perspective, she had been O.J.'s for about eight years at that point, and a possible motivation for marrying her may have been her pregnancy with her first child.  (That or she got pregnant honeymooning.)

During the trial and in my reading, there is little to no focus on the facts that their relationship began in adultery or went on for years without marriage. 

I think that is because O.J. did divorce, perhaps wanting a divorce before he met Nicole, and he did marry her.  Seems to me that when a mistress does marry her man and is accepted as his legal wife, she is forgiven for that mistress time.


When O.J. Simpson met the pretty, young blonde waitress, NICOLE BROWN, born in 1959 and 12 years younger than he, she was 20, some say 19.  (One account I read on the net had her age 17.) She worked at the Daisy restaurant where she waited on his table.

During these years before their marriage,  Nicole qualified as a "mistress" for the traditional reasons.  She got involved with an older, rich by comparison, married man who already had children. He was a man who could make her life so much more interesting and comfortable than her earnings as a waitress ever would and he brought her into his world.   Many of his friends were in the know about this and his other relationships, if only due to the bragging rights.  You could say he "molded" her.

He was the one in control of the relationship and her, a problem for their marriage when she grew tired of doing things his way so much and you could say had done some growing up and realized she wasn't the perfect fit for that mold.  Though Nicole eventually did earn some money when O.J. paid her to decorate and encouraged their friends to do so, she had come to live her life in fortunate financial circumstances and had become accustom to that.  She didn't really need to work or concern herself with getting an education.  According to Kato Kaelin and Marc Eliot, whose book "The Whole Truth," I reviewed last month, and in agreement with what her friend Faye Resnick said, Nicole did have some ideas about buying a franchise coffee house or going into a small business to earn income and give her something more to do, but well...

Nicole and many of her girlfriends were ladies who did lunch.  Or ladies who went out dancing in the evening. Or ladies who worried most about their looks and body,  their physical attraction and desirability, who sometimes preserved it with cosmetic surgery, such as the breast implants that both Nicole and Kris Kardashian got.  Their motivation was to keep busy and keep fit, to be there for a man, not to set the world on fire.  (Kris Kardashian Jenner is exceptional now, but she became a business woman after years of being primarily a wife and mother.)  Nicole had children but when the children were in school she was not stressed by the need to support herself.  Kato thought she had too much time on her hands.

In all I've read about Nicole, including in the book by Paula Barbieri that I reviewed last month, mixed with my own sense of her, I  think that Nicole was a confused person, a torn person, and one who was just as addicted to the volatile and on and off again relationship she had with O.J. as he was to her. This is not to say that she ever "deserved" to be abused physically or verbally, or to be killed by anyone, but what so many of us have wondered is, "WHY DIDN'T SHE LEAVE?"

Why did Nicole Brown Simpson take pictures of her battered face and put them in a bank box and then keep so silent about the abuse to her family and friends? Was it an old fashioned sense that in doing so she was keeping her family together with a father in the house for their children? Was it the years she had devoted to O.J. already? Was it the lifestyle that included many high-profile friends and vacation travel?

I suspect that Nicole, in her mistress time, wanted to achieve the goal of being a wife, that she was traditional in her values and going against herself as she was in waiting. I'm not judging her or anyone for not having career ambitions, it's just that women who don't work at something for pay are so rare these days.

In Barbara Cochran's book about her marriage and life as the wife of Simpson trial lawyer Johnnie Cochran,  "Life after Johnnie Cochran: Why I Left the Sweetest-Talking, Most Successful Black Lawyer in LA", also reviewed last month, there was a lot about her husband Johnny's desire and need to present himself a certain way to the conservative black community.  But Barbara and Johnnie met at college and she had a college education and a career as a teacher before becoming a mother.  Nicole spent her twenties as a mistress and didn't get any education.  That made it more difficult to leave an addictive off and on again relationship.

This too qualifies her as a traditional mistress; Someone who quits working or is taken out of the job market (or school) to be free to be there for her man, free to travel as a companion, and unmarried to that man.  And when he travels for business or pleasure without her, she waits for his return. 

If you get to this page first, I encourage you to read last month's posts, which will help you see a fuller picture and the links between the people whose books I've reviewed.

Missy


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Missy Rapport / Mistress Manifesto Blogspot